love me harder

CHOI YEONJUN AS SADNESS!

rkseonho​:

seonho is, what many would call, dense. 

he can typically read and understand the emotions of other people but only if he, himself, is being calm and quiet. use to seonho was always more quiet. he would assess the situation of the people around him before saying anything. out of fear of angering anyone or saying something at the wrong time. now though, having spent a good few years around his hyungs in de:code and everyone in royal, he isn’t as quiet. they broke him out his shell and no longer did he have to assess and instead he was free to just be. sure his hyungs get upset with him, but never have they ever been mad. never have they taken their anger out on him. 

thus he has become less worried with the reactions of people around him. less concerned with reading, and more likely to just jump on in. like.. he has here. all big confused smile and eager puppy eyes aimed at the person he doesn’t even know. such a change from four years ago when he wouldn’t even speak to strangers. 

“i think i’ve gotten… lost…” he replies, a hand moving to rub the back of his head before both hands come to his front, pressing together in prayer motion as he ups the puppy dog eyes. “i need to find the teachers office–but i’m so rarely here that i think i’ve forgotten where it is. i need to hand off homework, if i forget again i’m totally going to get scolded.”  he pouts, pleading with the other. 

having been an active fan of boy groups, yeonjun didn’t necessarily know how to act in this situation. of course he’s run into a few then-trainees and now-idols during his time here. hell, he’s even met his ultimate bias who also went here! so, in reality, this shouldn’t be anything new to him. especially since he’s met idols before. but it’s the fact that he is still just a fan! and this is still very much a surreal experience. 

he’s not sure how starstruck he looks in front of the other right now. it’s embarrassing, considering the fact that the yoo seonho called him sunbae. yes, it’s true, he is technically his senior as a result of coming to this school before him. but it’s still a lot to handle the fact that he, the maknae of THE ROYAL ENTERTAINMENT’S rookie group is going to his dumb ass for help.

but yeonjun wasn’t going to let his fanboy nature get in the way of being a decent person get in the way. so he tells himself to calm down enough so that he could operate like a normal alumnus here who was willing to help out any current students. he listens to the other’s worries and nods his head, showing that he was understanding of where the other was coming from. 

rkjaebeom​:

jaebum and yeonjun have been in this situation many times before. although it’s usually jaebum reprimanding yeonjun for what he believes to be poor choices. usually half-joking, half serious; a part of jaebum questions why yeonjun had requested to speak with jaebum. but he would sit and shut up, let yeonjun do the talking. his brows furrow at yeonjun’s opening statement. “you … want my advice?” he asks softly, taken aback. jaebum wasn’t the worst at giving advice, but it was mostly one sided, based off of his mistakes and what he had learned. still, he had become pretty competent at looking at other people and putting himself in their shoes. i felt like my issue was kinda too big for that. so i thought it be better to talk to you in person, you know? 

so, it was serious. unless yeonjun wanted an excuse to talk to jaebum in person. jaebum looks at yeonjun and nods, gritting his teeth slightly, wondering just what he had gotten himself into. he starts to list off various possibilities in his head but all seem too trivial or too yeonjun to be actual problems. “complicated, long story …” he mutters, fiddling with the cuffs of his button up shirt. he looks up towards yeonjun and gives the younger male a soft, actually genuine smile. “well, it’s a good thing i’ve got all night then, hey?” jaebum clears his throat before leaning onto the table. “besides i was on break when you just disturbed me now. just wasted almost a whole cigarette.”

even if the problem was somewhat trivial, jaebum would want to listen. he would want to provide some sort of advice or solution. as much as yeonjun did jaebum’s head in when they first met, he’s managed to grow fond of the younger male with the endless persistence and optimism. he was somewhat of a brotherly figure to jaebum. peculiar how he had renounced his own blood related sibling and yet now had a handful of people he almost considered family. “you want a drink before you start this? because if you don’t, i might.”

a part of him was worried whether or not the older would want to hear about his problems. generally, yeonjun wouldn’t really go to anyone besides maybe soobin about even small little issues. and even then he felt like he was making someoen uncomfortable talking about how much his older brother sucked. so going to another person about... relationship problems? especially with such a long history tied to it? it was definitely something yeonjun was unsure if he was comfortable with. 

but jaebeom gives him a smile and leans on the table, looking as if he was waiting for him to get on with it. it was just a little action, but it already meant a lot to him knowing that the other was willing to listen to him go off. “sure,” he answers with a little laugh. “maybe after i tell my situation, though. but feel free to get a drink before me. you’re probably gonna need it.” he says that jokingly, of course. but, with how yeonjun always gets himself into dumb situations, he wouldn’t be surprised if the other was feeling secondhand stress from him. nonetheless, he makes himself comfortable and clears his throat to start. 

rkchoisan​: 

tw: ptsd mention, anxiety, anxiety attack

(...) 

“i’m scared, jjuni,” he admits shakily, a nervous laugh coming after using the old nickname. a few tears sting at his eyes before he says anything else, but he powers through and does his best to blink them away. “i just— i like you a lot. i like you so much it scares me. because you’re my best friend but you’ve always been so much more than that to me and when… when we hooked up again i got scared that things would somehow turn out the same way as before. but i don’t want want to lose you again. i can’t.” his voice trembles as he finishes and he’s close to crying when he meets yeonjun’s eyes, though he just chews on his lip nervously. 

“please say something.”

yeonjun thought that the next time he’d see san, he’d let him know how frustrated he was with everything that had happened between the both of them. he thought he could be able to take the opportunity to let him know that he wasn’t blind to the fact that san was avoiding him. how it hurt every time san would leave a short response to whatever yeonjun said to him. but what’s most frustrating about the situation is yeonjun debating whether or not he deserved it. after all the shit he’s put san through in high school, was this perhaps karma’s way of reminding him of such a mistake? he wasn’t sure. 

but was none of his worries now as he gets in closer when san tells him it’s okay. the fact that yeonjun had to wait for his best friend’s permission in order to help comfort him made the situation more alarming. but seeing san in such a fragile state. he didn’t want to do somethign that would lead the other to break. he cared about san way much more than a friend would. he didn’t want to be the one to break him. not again, especially how the memory had haunted yeonjun for days until he was able to confront him about it again. 

yeonjun knew that they couldn’t be the way they were before fate changed it for the worst. even now, after they’ve reconnected, he managed to ruin everything between the both of them... or so he thought. 

rkpjs​:

starter for @rkyjun !

pj shuffles on his feet for a moment, briefly hesitating before walking in a random direction. just go ahead and ask him the question, he thinks to himself, gently biting down on his lower lip as he tries to motivate himself. he knows what he wants to ask yeonjun, he just feels like it’s ridiculous of him to even think about asking in the first place. pj takes a quick glance behind him to make sure that he and his friend haven’t been separated before flashing the older a somewhat amused grin. “you keeping up okay, old man? i can slow down if you want.”

he stops in the middle of nowhere, which pj sees as somewhat acceptable, given that he has no destination in mind yet. while this hasn’t been the most productive trip to the mall, he’s having a great time, regardless. okay… now’s your chance, pj, he thinks to himself, taking in a deep breath as he prepares to finally talk about why he asked yeonjun to hang out in the first place. “oh, while we’ve stopped… can i have a piece of gum?” he asks, holding out his hand. close enough.

it was another trip to the mall and another day to just simply relax with a friend. sure, yeonjun technically had homework for a class due tomorrow. yes he’s doing the opposite thing of what he should be doing in order to make his life easier. but choi yeonjun was never a man who refused offers to have fun. and with someone as exciting and funny as pj, he thought that really wasn’t much to lose if he was going to spend a day with him. not to mention, he doesn’t have to feel at all inadequate while hanging out with him like he does every time he’s with his textbooks. 

♡  💬  ➣                                                                                                                                 🔰

179 likes

chyj913 happy birthday, @rksbin ! i still remember the days when you were shorter than me! but hyung loves you no matter what 

@rkbgyu

Beomgyu had been planning his surprise for weeks and now it was finally Yeonjun’s birthday, he was excited. He had probably brought the older a bit too much but Yeonjun had been his best friend since they were children. He was the brother he never had and nothing was too much for him in Beomgyu’s eyes. He had been awake for hours preparing everything so Yeonjun would be surprised and he hoped his friend liked everything.

Outside Yeonjun’s door was a giant box with a gigantic ‘happy birthday’ balloon attached to it. Inside was a number of smaller boxes.

The first box contained some baskets. The first was a mario kart gift basket. The second was a basket full of candy and chocolate.

In the second box contained an Avengers Monopoly board game, a jar full of 365 little notes, a guitar pick, and a 'best friend’ bracelet.

The third was a large box on it’s own full of an assortment of gifts and snacks.

On top of everything were two cards. One funny and one sentimental. Inside the first card was the message:

Yeonjun hyung!

Happy birthday! You’re another year older but you’re also another year cooler.

I love you,

Beommie

P.S. I have the other bracelet already. You better wear it! -_-

Inside the second card was the message:

Hyuuung!

I’m sorry I went overboard with your gifts I just got too excited. I hope you like it all! I know I’ve been busy lately with training and we can’t meet as often but please remember that you’re my best friend and my brother and I will always make time for you! You put up with me and I can never thank you enough for that. You’ve been my friend since we were children and I can’t imagine life without you. Please don’t ever leave me and please keep being you.

I love you, Yeonjun hyung.

Beomgyu

📱   CONTACT    ━    나의 제자 ↺ yeonjun!!! happy birthday!!!! 🎊 ↺ next time, i’ll treat you to some street food! 😆 ↺ but if you send me proof that you’ve reached a new level in duolingo, i’ll make it better 😂 ↺ have a wonderful birthday!!!! 🥳

[ msg to: yeonjun ] hbd

[ ✉︎ to 웅이 ]

ft. @rktaehyng

when it came to birthdays, yeonjun would always find himself being the most excited he usually is. not because there'd be a tradition for him and his family besides the usual seaweed soup. his parents weren't exactly big on celebrations unless it had to do with his older brother. and yeonjun was already not too fond about his brother getting the attention in the family already. any more reminders of how he is considered lesser to his brother is just another reason to dislike his family more than he did before.

when it came to birthdays, yeonjun was really only excited to be hanging out with his friends. he enjoyed being able to spend time with people that actually liked him for who he was and not people would shame him for living his life. all he needed was just some good company and his birthday would be great. and that's why he's thankful to be with taehyung with their phones open to taking pottermore quizzes.

ft. @nakork

it’s not often that yeonjun would find himself going to the convenience store at an earlier time in the evening than he usually would. when it comes to daytime? he’ll come whatever time he pleases. in the evenings? sometimes, if he’s lucky, he’ll find baekho there. but other times, the night time makes him avoid going anywhere indoors as he wanted to feel the cool fresh air. 

however he gives one exception to tonight and that is because he was craving junk food that he unfortunately didn’t have at home. not wanting to take a long trip to the grocery store, he decided to go to the nearby convenience store instead. not only was it convenient (haha), but it was also the more preferred way in his opinion. not to mention, he’d probably get distracted by what else was in the store, such as their other fried foods or even the candy bars if he’s feeling sweet today. 

as he arrives at the store, he makes a zoom for the bag of chips that were practically calling his name even from so far away. he picks the bag up with a smile before he finds his feet taking him somewhere else, following his thought process of how he’d probably want a drink to accompany his salty snack. however, what he saw at the refrigerated drinks area, he did not expect: a small, young girl with a bottle of soju in her hands. now of course, in any other situation, he wouldn’t mind. but the girl looked a bit too young to be drinking alcohol, so she could technically be breaking a law. and he did not want anyone to get into a stressful situation tonight, whether it be her, the guy at the register, or both. 

rkchoisan​:

tw: anxiety, anxiety attack

(…🍓…)

no matter how much san wanted to bottle up his feelings like he usually did, everything was too overwhelming for him this time. he brings his hands up to cover his face and tries to hold in a sob as he backs up against the tile wall, bends his knees and shrinks down to the floor. he gives in momentarily and lets himself cry for a few seconds, mainly to keep himself from hyperventilating and making things worse. he’s soon to go quiet again and resorts to sniffles, shaking his head as he dries his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. “i’m sorry, it’s just—” 

“fuck, he—” he curses and grabs a handful of his hair, tugging at the strands and squeezing his eyes shut in hopes of not crying anymore (hint: it doesn’t work). he wanted so desperately not to cry over his dad, not to feel so much over someone who clearly felt nothing for him, but when san didn’t deal well with his emotions on the regular, times like these easily became overwhelming. “he was with a kid.”

tw: anxiety, anxiety attack

after leading the other into the bathroom, he’s a bit more relieved that he took the other into a safer space. not only because he knew san wouldn’t want anyone else to see him in that situation, but also because he’d hide as well if he were in san’s shoes. with the given fact that san’s father could be anywhere at the picnic event right now, it only made sense to go somewhere safe where he wouldn’t be able to see san like this. 

he shuts and locks the door so that no one else could go in the room before he turns around to watch san break down. the sight of his friend crying because of someone so cruel in his past makes his heart hurt. not only did he feel anger towards the man for doing such awful things to his son, but he feels hopeless just seeing the other be so torn. of course, it’s not as painful as having to be the reason that he’s crying, but it still hurts yeonjun enough that he wishes he could do something to make it all better. something that could ease the pain that his friend was feeling at this moment. 

“hey,” he says in a calm tone, attempting to try and make san calm down. “it’s okay. you don’t need to cry. it’s understandable why you would, given what he did and all.” he approaches san slowly, feeling that if he’d rush over there it’d make the situation worse. once he reaches him, he crouches down so that he’s face-to-face with him, even with the distance they have between each other. the last time yeonjun saw san like this, he did everything wrong and essentially lost a friend that day. he left him alone. but this time, the boy wanted to make him know that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. specifically, he wasn’t planning on leaving his side. 

yeeunrk​:

tw death mention

yeeun hadn’t meant to get deep. it was just one of those stupid ice-breaker-eqsue questions she had just blurted out, and certainly nothing more. however, it was clear after a moment of thought, it had delved into something particularly deep for yeonjun which … well, she guessed that wasn’t quite terrible, just odd was all. she stares over at him, nodding along with his answer before pouting. “ wait, if you’re supposed to be the one to outlive everyone, why would you say you’d die … ? isn’t that the opposite of what you just said. ” she asks. “ so, what ? you think you’re the comic relief is what you’re telling me – the comic relief that gets offed in the end ? ” she asks, brows furrowed.

with a pout on her lips, yeeun lays back down and stares up at the blue sky as clouds pass by. it wouldn’t be long before they couldn’t do this, the chill of autumn and whisper of winter on the horizon. “ i don’t know if i think that about you. ” she states, bottom lip sticking out. “ you say everyone would think you’re just the dumb one ? you’d have to be smart to survive. i don’t think that would be your downfall. ” she explains, shaking her head – “ if anything, you’d probably outlive everyone at that point. ” she states. “ you and i, to the end of the world, huh ? we’ll outsmart everyone. ” she states with a grin.

tw death mention 

he wasn’t sure if he gave a proper explanation. sometimes, when yeonjun opened his mouth, he tended to ramble. but either way, the other technically had a point. he had to be at least smart enough to be able to survive that long if he was just “playing dumb” in this hypothetical situation. “i mean, when you put it that way, that does sound more appealing,” he answers with a nod. “what i really had in mind was like... i make it through when half of my... gang? is wiped out and it comes off as a surprise to everyone because it’s from luck. but i don’t survive to the end because things get bad in one mission and when i use my intelligence, that’ll probably also be when i become selfless and be... zombified, you know? like a... saving my intelligence for that time.”