#rksbin

after an hour and a half later, she finally finds a dance that not only looks possible for her, but also with a song that brings her a wave of nostalgia. she’s not only confident about this decision, but rather excited. it makes her even go to her parents’ room in the evening while her mother is downstairs washing the dishes after dinner, knocking so that he could know.

“i have something to tell you,” she starts. “but you have to keep this secret. when i tell you, you have to promise you won’t tell mom. or anyone.”

he looks concerned and she can understand why. “it’s not something bad. i didn’t hurt anyone,” she says immediately. she clears her throat. “uh. do you remember when daniel came to tell us that he got casted into this company called sphere?”

“yes,” he slowly nods. “what about it?”

“um… so on the day i told you i went out to do studying with my friends, i lied,” she explains bashfully and she sees a little frown from her father. it’s expected, but she still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “i… did this interview thingy for getting casted into an agency because i really wanted to try it out and see if it gets me anywhere. and i… have an audition with sphere this week?”

the frown turns into a look of surprise. “why didn’t you tell me the truth sooner?”

“i didn’t even think i would get an audition,” she replies honestly. “if i didn’t, i’d just call it a day and continue with saying i was studying with friends. but i did! and i kinda want you to drive me to the station because i don’t want to jinx anything if i drive there on my own.” classic mina.

he nods his head. “i see,” he replies, his facial expression becoming more calmer. “when is it?”

when she tells him the given time of the audition, he takes a second to think. probably to try and recall if he had anything to do during that time. “i think i can drop you off the station and pick you up,” he replies. “just let me know when it’s over. can i tell your brother?”

she shakes her head. “no. i want it to be a surprise.” as he was always the one to surprise her. first with the mgas and then with him getting into sphere. she feels like it’s appropriate to be the one to surprise him this time.

“okay,” he replies with a little laugh. “no telling your mom or your brother.” his face goes serious though. “but if you do get in, you have to tell her as soon as you can. you know that, right?”

she nods her head. “i know.” her voice is soft, afraid of how she’d react to that, especially with the fact that mina has kept silent about it to her even now. she’s even telling her dad about it before her. she can’t imagine how her mom would react to it. “i will. i’m just… scared.”

“i know you are,” he sighs. “just know that whatever happens, god will always be there to help you get through it.”

the smile is genuine, even if it’s a small one. even if she’s not the most vocal about her faith (she has her mom to thank for that), she couldn’t help but find his words to be comforting. she obviously isn’t the best christian in the world, especially compared to her family. so just the reminder that he was… still with her was something she didn’t know she needed until now.

“thanks, dad,” she replies. “i’ll leave you alone now.”

and she leaves his room to go back to hers, a lot on her mind.

…

while she waits for her turn to audition, she makes time to give god a prayer. and it’s not exactly her first one of the day.

when she and her dad arrived at the station, they prayed together. when she got on the train, she said a quick prayer before she stuffed her airpods in her ears as she shuffled for a random song. throughout the ride, she skipped all sphere artists songs so that she could prevent herself from daydreaming about a future in that building with chungha and daniel… and the convex members.

and she makes a final prayer now, mentally saying it in her brain.

“hi god. it’s mina again for the third time today,” she starts it off. “i have my audition today and i know i already told you how much i really want this to go well. i worked really hard learning it for the past few days whenever my mom wasn’t at home. i also really want to be able to join the experience with my brother and chungha, who’s kinda like my sister.”

she pauses as she thinks for a bit, then continues.

“i’m not the best christian. but i really want you to help me out. even though my mom will be disappointed in me, i really want to do this because i don’t really know what else to do with my life.” and that was obvious. she even said it to the interviewer. “if i don’t get casted, please at least help me get another chance to prove myself in the future. preferably with sphere, but i’m really fine with any company.” and her mind wanders to another reality, but rather to the negative of it. “if i do get casted, please don’t let my mom be too angry at me. i know i don’t listen to her a lot, but i still love her. i just don’t want her to love me any less…”

“whatever happens, i know it’s for the best and i know you’ll help me get through it,” she thinks her final thoughts before she ends it with an amen and does the sign of the cross in a small subtle way so no one catches her.

…

baek jiyoung looks prettier in person than the pictures she’s seen of her. and with the fact that she is the ceo of sphere entertainment, it makes her all the more intimidating. she couldn’t help but feel as if she was in the presence of a literal queen. and this queen is responsible for the groups that she’s listed on her form. a part of her wonders if she’s seen that part of the form and if she did, that would certainly be a story to tell.

but she has to move her fangirling aside. this is an audition here. she needs to impress baek jiyoung and there’s no way she’s going to do that if she continues acting like a fangirl. she needs to act cool, even up to the dancing. of course, she’ll slip in bits of her personality here and there.

she feels pressure just from the gaze of the judges and the camera recording her, mentally telling herself to relax. she bows to the panel of judges. “hello, my name is kang mina,” she introduces herself, stating the obvious but it’s only to be polite. “today, i’m here to audition for sphere entertainment with me dancing and singing to really don’t care by demi lovato.” after she finishes, she gives a nod to the person who had her audio and gets into position, mentally calming herself down and trying to get into the mood.

it’s her first time dancing and singing in front of a crowd. to be honest, she was always used to doing the former. she only ever danced and sang when she was either alone or it’s kept in her memories from when she was a child. even if the song is in english, the language she always found most comfortable speaking in, this is still something new to her.

however, the thing about dancing is she feels the coolest when dancing for everyone else to see. the learning process for dances is difficult, she won’t deny. sometimes she dreads doing moves over and over again, but she has to in order to get them right. and once she gets it all down for the first time mixed in with facial expressions that display not only her mood but her confidence, she feels more powerful than she did before. so even if she didn’t have the most amazing voice, she hopes the judges at least acknowledge how passionate she was in dancing as well as her effort with singing.

the last time she’s performed was for speak up in may. she remembers how she was scared that she’d look awkward, considering it’s been a while since she’s actually danced in front of people at the time. but when it was her turn to dance to choreographies that she was taught, she doesn’t remember anything else but the absolute joy she felt doing it.

and even now, she finds herself smiling naturally as she performs, her nerves slightly bothering her less even with the people watching her. funny enough, it made her care less than she did before. of course she still wanted to impress the judges, but she’s confident enough that they’ll acknowledge it. and hopefully don’t get the wrong idea with the title of the song, since she did care about it enough to want to be casted. 

there were many reasons as to why she chose this song. one being the fact that this choreography looked challenging to learn and she was right when she found herself being both frustrated whilst learning it. however, the feeling of achievement is wonderful when she does moves that she never thought she’d be able to pull off. she didn’t know too much about waacking, other than the fact that it was a style she taught herself how to do whenever she could since she was sixteen. she knew it wasn’t something she was totally confident with, but when she sees herself do it in the mirror, she couldn’t help but be in awe that she did that.

not to mention, the entire dance matched with the song was something mina could imagine herself doing. she’s never had an ex-significant other (and with soobin, she doesn’t plan to), but she didn’t need a past relationship to understand the message of independence in this song. she remembers how twelve-year-old mina would often find herself smiling whenever she heard this song on the radio station, feeling as if she was on top of the world whenever she heard it. and whenever she was at home, she’d find herself listening to more of the demi album. even if she wasn’t really a fan of her anymore, she couldn’t help but have fond memories of that album and listening to this song even now brings her nostalgia.

it was fun. it was lively. it was her.

with good memories and her love of dancing, it was easy for mina to be with the music. she moves to each beat and tries her best to sing along with it, saving herself from singing the high “oh, oh, oh”’s in the chorus just so she could breathe. 

the rest of the chorus continues and she feels herself let go. she’s already young, but just singing along with the instrumental takes her back to a time where she didn’t have to worry about her future that much. sure, time then wasn’t perfect either. but the fond memories of vancouver enter her mind as she dances until the very end. her dancing slows down as she squat-kneels to the ground, eventually reaching the last “oh, oh, oh”’s on her knees with chest pumps. 

the song comes to an end as she gets to the final position of the dance, sitting on the ground on beat. “i really don’t care,” she sings while tilting her head to the side with a wink that feels natural now that she was performing. the song comes to an end and after a few seconds for the room to take it in, she stands up and bows to the panel. after expressing her thanks, she exits the studio, still trying to get off the high of performing.