Small Things Forgotten

“I am good enough. I deserve love. One day someone will recognize how much I am worth. Today, my focus is on bettering and loving myself.”

“I want the feeling of waking up next to you, the person who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I want the feeling of knowing that you’re waiting for me back home, ready with hugs and kisses to give me the moment I step in. I want the feeling of having memorized the constellations your freckles have marked on your skin. I want the feeling of reassurance that you don’t have to say I love you for me to know that you do. I want to feel all that. I want to feel all of it with you.”

“The worst thing about moving on is pretending that you’re happy, that you’re free to do whatever you want, that you have more time for achieving your goals. It takes a while to recover from a person you truly loved.”

“To everyone wondering if they will ever move on. Yes, you will. It will take you some time. By ‘some time’ I mean a long time. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing you’ll have to go through. Moving on is messy. It is either being too happy or too sad at 3am. It is laughing till your stomach aches, or crying till there are no more tears to be cried and you just feel dead inside. Moving on is the shaking of your hands and the breaking of your voice when you realise that there will never be a them and you again. Moving on is wondering what you did wrong and why you just weren’t good enough for them. Moving on also means eating less and drinking more alcohol than you should. It also means stopping everything that you’re doing and thinking about them. Actually, you will think about them a lot. You will see their favourite restaurant and you will think of them. You will hear their favourite song and you will think of them. You will look at your coffee and the shade of brown will resemble the colour of their eyes. At one point they will be all you think about. It starts the moment you wake up and never ends because even in your dreams they will be haunting you. But one day you will wake up and you will feel okay. The next day you will feel more than just okay, you will be fine. You will think of them still, yes. But it’s going to be a different kind of thinking. It will be a “wherever they are, I hope that they are fine and happy” kind of thinking. You will have moved on. You will have survived this hell. You will slowly but surely forget them more and more each day, and forgetting will never have felt that sweet. But you have to let yourself hurt before you can heal, remember. To everyone wondering if they will ever move on, you will.”

When I sit up in fright from a nightmare clenching my sheets in fear I still look to my left to see if you are here

“Loving you was the last thing I was really, truly good at.”