My entry was judged 2nd Place! https://www.hexrpg.com/f/520/20568
Ron Weasley stood in line outside the Auror Office trying very hard to look like a man who had not, five minutes earlier, walked directly into the Ministry of Magic fountain in front of a small but deeply judgmental crowd.
His robes were technically dry now, thanks to Harry, but Ron was fairly certain dignity did not respond to drying charms. There was also a lingering suspicion that something aquatic had briefly bonded with his soul and refused to fully let go. He could still hear the splash in his head. It echoed. It judged.
Beside him, Harry looked calm. Ron had known Harry long enough to recognize this as a lie.
Around them, the other trainees stood in small clusters, all pretending not to be nervous. Everyone wore the same expression people had before exams, duels, or Molly Weasley entering a room and asking, “What’s all this, then?”
At precisely eight o’clock, the doors opened.
Auror Savage stepped out.
Ron immediately wished to be anywhere else. Preferably somewhere with fewer witnesses and no reflective surfaces.
Savage was large in every possible way. Large shoulders, large boots, large voice. He looked like the physical embodiment of disappointment. “Alright, scrubs, listen up,” Savage barked.
Everyone snapped to attention.
“Today is your first stealth assessment. That means no stomping, no shouting, no dramatic heroics. If I hear one of you cast a spell loud enough to wake the dead, I will personally wake the dead and have them file complaints against you.”
Savage paced in front of them. “You will enter a simulated environment. Your objective is to retrieve a marked case file from a secured office and return it here without being detected. More than three alerts, you fail. Harm a civilian, you fail. Break anything important, you fail. If you panic, I will know. If you cry, I will write it down.”
He stopped directly in front of Ron.
Ron stared somewhere near Savage’s left ear.
“Try not to fall into anything today.”
Ron turned a color usually associated with tomatoes in distress. “Yes, sir,” he muttered.
“Potter and Weasley,” Savage continued, “you’re together. Chamber Two.”
“Brilliant,” Ron muttered under his breath as they moved. “Nothing like being paired with Harry Potter to ensure maximum public embarrassment.”
Harry gave him a sideways look. “We’ll be fine.”
Ron nodded solemnly. “That’s what people say right before things go terribly wrong.”
The simulation chamber looked like a perfectly normal Ministry corridor.
Ron did not trust it for a second.
Savage’s voice followed them in. “Office 2B. Retrieve the Peridot file. Twenty minutes. Begin.”
The moment they crossed the threshold, the air shifted. Not visibly, but enough that Ron felt it in his teeth. The lighting dimmed slightly, not darker, just… flatter. The polished floor reflected a fraction too clearly, like it was trying too hard to be convincing.
“Right,” Harry whispered. “Slow and quiet.”
Ron nodded. “I can do slow. Quiet is more… situational.”
They began creeping forward.
Ron focused intensely on placing each foot carefully, rolling from heel to toe the way they had been taught. He even held his arms slightly out for balance, which made him feel like an awkward flamingo attempting espionage.
This worked for exactly twelve seconds.
Then he stepped on a tile that produced a loud, unmistakable chicken squawk. They both froze. The sound echoed down the corridor with horrifying enthusiasm.
Somewhere ahead, footsteps stopped. “Did you hear that?” a guard called.
Ron stared at the floor in betrayal. “Why would it do that?” he whispered.
Harry grabbed his sleeve and yanked him behind a large potted fern just as the guard appeared.
Ron crouched awkwardly, knees protesting, a leaf immediately lodging itself in his nose. The fern smelled faintly of peppermint and something aggressively floral, like it had opinions.
The guard frowned at the plant.
Harry whispered a soft gust charm. Papers fluttered at the far end of the hall, one even slipping under a door.
The guard turned. “Hm.” He walked away, muttering something about drafts.
Ron exhaled so hard the fern trembled again, scattering a few loose leaves onto his shoulder.
“You nearly sneezed,” Harry whispered.
“I was attacked by vegetation,” Ron hissed, plucking a leaf from his collar.
They moved on. At the next doorway, Harry paused. “Ward.”
Ron squinted. “I don’t see anything.”
“It’s there. Look at the air. It bends slightly.”
Ron leaned forward, narrowing his eyes.
A bell appeared above his head and rang once, bright and cheerful, like it was delighted to ruin his life.
From behind them, footsteps started again.
“Oh, come on,” Ron whispered. “A bell? That’s just rude. That’s malicious design.”
They darted into the nearest office and shut the door. Ron leaned against a cabinet.
The cabinet betrayed him. An entire stand of umbrellas toppled over with a noise that could have summoned dragons. One even bounced twice, just for emphasis.
Ron lunged to catch them. This made it worse. One umbrella sprang open in his face, nearly poking his eye out. Another smacked him on the ear. A third, decorated with aggressively cheerful ducks wearing top hats, bounced across the room and wedged itself under a chair.
Harry folded in half, shaking with silent laughter, one hand pressed over his mouth.
“Not a word,” Ron hissed, wrestling the duck umbrella like it had personally insulted his family.
The door flew open. A witch stood there, unimpressed and armed with a clipboard. Her glasses slid slightly down her nose as she looked them over like they were particularly disappointing paperwork.
Harry stepped forward instantly. “Routine inspection.”
“Of umbrellas?” she asked flatly.
Ron blurted, “Dangerous umbrellas.”
Harry looked like he might faint.
The witch stared at them for a long moment. “You look useless.”
“Thank you,” Ron said automatically, because apparently his brain had given up.
She sniffed. “Guard patrol in twelve seconds. They check left first, then right.”
Ron blinked. “Was that… helpful?”
“I think she pitied us.”
“That feels worse somehow.”
They slipped out just in time, hugging the wall as two guards passed, their boots clicking in perfect rhythm.
At last, Office 2B. The door shimmered with faint golden lines, crisscrossing like a spiderweb of light.
Harry crouched. “Layered wards. Detection and alert.”
Ron hesitated, then pointed. “What if we distract it?”
Harry glanced up. “Explain.”
“Fred and George used to do this thing with fake charms. If you give it something else to focus on first, it sort of… commits to that.”
Harry grinned. “Decoy.”
He charmed a coin and flicked it down the corridor. It clicked softly against the wall. The ward shifted, the golden lines bending toward the disturbance like curious snakes.
“Now,” Ron whispered.
The ward dissolved with a soft sigh.
Harry looked impressed. “That was brilliant.”
Ron beamed. “Please repeat that loudly in front of Savage.”
The office was cluttered with shelves stacked to the ceiling, files sorted by color in neat, slightly obsessive rows. A faint ticking came from somewhere, like a clock that didn’t quite trust time.
“Peridot,” Harry muttered, scanning.
“Why are they all colors?” Ron whispered, squinting at labels like “Mauve” and “Chartreuse.”
“Because someone hates efficiency.”
They found it just as the door handle rattled.
Ron panicked immediately.
Harry grabbed the file. Ron looked around wildly. There was nowhere to hide except a large decorative suit of armor that looked far too dignified to be involved in this.
Harry stared at him like he’d suggested they hide inside a teacup.
They squeezed inside. Everything about it was terrible. No space. No air. Too many elbows and not enough agreement about where those elbows should go.
Ron’s nose began to itch.
The itch intensified, as if every speck of dust in the armor had unionized against him.
Ron’s body betrayed him. He sneezed too.
It echoed inside the armor like a haunted kettle being kicked down a staircase. The entire suit rattled, one gauntlet twitching ominously.
The guard froze. Turned. Stared. Then said, “Creepy.” And went back to his paperwork.
Harry shook with silent laughter, his shoulder knocking into Ron’s repeatedly.
Ron glared at him in the darkness, which accomplished nothing.
When the guard finally left, Ron tried to move. He got stuck. He tugged. His sleeve caught.
The armor collapsed around him in a catastrophic metallic avalanche that echoed like a marching band falling down stairs.
Harry lost all restraint.
“Help me!” Ron hissed from beneath a breastplate.
“You look like you’re being born out of cookware!”
They scrambled free, knocking a helmet aside, and bolted.
The corridor lights turned red.
A siren blared, loud and deeply judgmental.
He was holding the helmet. A tag read PROPERTY MONITOR CHARM.
They ran. Stealth was officially over.
Ron slipped on the polished floor, windmilled his arms, recovered, and accidentally threw the helmet into a coat rack.
The rack collapsed dramatically, taking a small table with it. A bowl of floating sweets exploded across the floor, fizzing faintly. A guard rounded the corner, stepped on one, and immediately fell with a shout.
Harry dragged Ron around a corner. “Hide!”
“Behind the plant again?!”
They crouched, the fern once again judging Ron personally, until the guards rushed past toward the chaos.
Then they sprinted for the exit. Ron dove through first. Harry followed.
Savage stood waiting, clipboard in hand, expression carved from stone.
Harry handed over the file.
Savage checked it slowly. Then looked at them. “Atrocious,” he said.
Ron’s soul packed its bags.
“Footwork sloppy. Noise discipline catastrophic. Weasley, you have the stealth of a festive trombone.”
“However,” Savage continued, “you adapted. You completed the objective. You did not quit.”
He fixed them with a stare. “You passed.”
Ron blinked. “We passed?” he said.
“You passed,” Savage snapped. “Do not make me regret it.”
Ron turned to Harry slowly. “We passed.”
Harry grinned. “We passed.”
Ron let out a shaky laugh. “I set off a chicken floor.”
“You also got us in.”
“I got stuck in armor.”
“You sneezed in armor.”
“You laughed in armor.”
They headed for the lifts, adrenaline fading, legs slightly wobbly.
As they waited, one trainee leaned over. “Was that… a chicken?”
Ron sighed. “Yes. The floor has opinions.”
The trainee nodded like that made sense.
The lift doors opened. They stepped inside.
Someone said, “The armor bit was impressive.”
Ron straightened. “Yes. Advanced technique.”
Harry made a choking sound.
“We really passed,” Ron said quietly.
The doors opened onto the Atrium.
Ron stepped out, feeling almost triumphant. He walked directly into a bronze statue.
Harry doubled over laughing.
Ron rubbed his forehead. “I hate this place.”
A witch passing by smiled. “First day?”
Ron sighed. “Is it that obvious?”
Ron glanced at the fountain.
“Don’t,” Harry said immediately.
“I wasn’t going to.”
“You were thinking about it.”
“I was not.” Ron turned away, tripped slightly on a tile, caught himself, and straightened with forced dignity. “Right,” he said. “Tomorrow we’re being subtle.”
Harry grinned. “Absolutely.”
Ron nodded. Then paused. “What if the floor makes sheep noises next time?”
Harry considered. “Then we resign.”
Ron thought about it. “Fair.”
They started toward the Floo fireplaces, but Ron slowed slightly, glancing back toward the lifts as if half-expecting Savage to reappear and declare the entire thing a clerical error.
“You know,” Ron said, lowering his voice, “I think the worst part wasn’t even the guards.”
Harry raised an eyebrow. “No?”
“It was the building,” Ron said firmly. “The building has it out for me. First the fountain. Then the chicken tile. Then the bell. Then the armor. That wasn’t a test, Harry. That was personal.”
Harry snorted. “You think the Ministry designed an entire training simulation just to mess with you?”
Ron pointed vaguely upward. “Have you met this place?”
Harry considered that. “Fair point.”
They passed a pair of older Aurors, one of whom gave Ron a brief, assessing glance.
Ron straightened instinctively.
“First test?” the Auror asked.
The Auror smirked. “Heard a rumor about a chicken.”
Ron closed his eyes briefly. “Of course you did.”
“Don’t worry,” the Auror added. “My first test, I got stuck in a filing cabinet for ten minutes.”
Ron blinked. “Really?”
Ron brightened slightly. “Did you pass?”
“Barely,” the Auror said cheerfully, and walked on.
Ron looked at Harry. “Right. That makes me feel better.”
“See?” Harry said. “We’re practically ahead.”
Ron nodded, reassured. Then immediately walked into the edge of a nearby bench. Not a full collision this time. Just enough. Just enough to prove the Ministry was still watching.
Ron stared at the bench. The bench said nothing. But Ron knew. “Tomorrow,” Ron said firmly, pointing at it, “we are enemies.”
Harry lost it again, laughing all the way to the Floo.