âWelcome to the end. The bitter, bitter end. Itâs the end of 2018 and, consequently, itâs the end of time itself. For this has been the longâlong year - the longest year thatâs ever been a year long.â (x)
This year was indeed, the longest year in the history of all years that have ever been a year. At certain points, I would start to really think weâd fallen into some sort of vortex in the space/time continuum that made 3-4 years pass in the lenght of one. Iâve had like seven birthdays just since the beginning of the last month of this interminable year.
And it wasnât a good one either, âreal worldâ wise. I worry about the state and the future of my country, and I worry about my own future in a country in such a state⌠and as much as I deliberately try to keep âreal worldâ and âfandom worldâ separate, because escapism tends to lose its purpose to me when the the two mix, this year I just couldnât balance this artificial split well enough. Like⌠itâs hard to really care about antis and microtransactions and nylon bags and tumblr apocalypses and shitty show endings when the real world around you is actually on fire. It feels disconnected - like these things happened, but⌠through a dusty filter where I wasnât really looking, and my brainâs reaction to them was generally the most apathetic âokay, noted.â
I donât want to end the year on a negative note, though, because a lot of genuinely good things did happen this (long, long) year, both in âreal worldâ and in âfandom worldâ for me too, which are probably more important to acknowledge and remember than the bad ones. Lifeâs okay. Momâs okay. Talking to panda makes me happy. Iâve read a ton of good books this year, watched some of those shows that had been on my âto watchâ list for almost a decade. Played some actually new and different games from my backlog, instead of always the same ones. Took a few nostalgia trips through old fandoms just for a light-hearted look back, dipped my feet in and out of a few new fandoms staying just long enough to have a little fun and peace out. Joined a guild! -an actual, honest to god video game guild, something I had never in my life done before. Made a few good friends; lost a few too, but thatâs life. Plotted more AUs with my panda partner in crime than Iâd have lifetimes to actually write. I wrote a lot of shit too, stuff that will never see the light of day, but hey, it kept me writing. The current fandom platform is sinking, but something else will always rise in its place. My favorite show may have had a shitty ending, but at least my favorite characters and ships are freed from the clutches of canon and belong to fandom now. Thereâs a silver lining here and there.
It was, you know. A year. A very,
âŚâŚ.very
âŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ.very
long year. Some of it was bad, and when it was bad it was the worst; but some of it good, too, and when it was good, it was at least worth remembering. I think thatâs what Iâm taking from this whole thing - if you survive through the worst, itâs worth remembering the nice bits too.
Happy New Year.
[[ âdw]]
