space witch

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I realized I really like being alone I feel the best person to be around is yourself. I always wanted a really close relationships with friends but something always gets in the way or I just wasn’t as close with them as much as I wanted to be. I couldn’t call them my best friend. I feel I have to wear a mask every time I hang out with any of them. But recently I have been more alone because I’m saving up for a car which means all I do is work and I became aware that most things I like to do requires me to be alone. Well that’s a little dramatic but these things are usually done alone. I used to think I was just shy but I’m more so asocial because I don’t really know what to say. I run out of words, begin to stutter, and ultimately just embarrass myself so to avoid it I keep it short and avoid it altogether. The thing I am afraid of is not to be alone now but when I am older. I mean imagine working everyday seeing the same faces and not having a friend to call to update them about your life. It sounds miserable. I had a group of friends that were amazing. We talked all the time and even when we went months without talking, we always knew we were still best friends, which I found a comfort in and to me that was my future so I never had anything to worry about, but when I switched states days became weeks weeks became months and months became years until it wasn’t an update on our life, but an update on who we were. We just weren’t the people that used to talk every other day. We were completely different people who barely knew how to speak to each other. With that being said we’re still very similar and even our time apart we grew the same way just a different story.