evolution leaps forward

azzi is bare-faced minus her brown mascara and pink lip mixed with a softened outline of her lip liner—shade name 'brownie'. the camera shakes slightly as she tries to show the world outside her uber window. paige finds her gaze settling on her subscriber count: 5,304. she hopes it never gets bigger, only to have azzi all to herself.

but azzi fudd is a wonderland. it's only a matter of time before the world finds her and rediscovers their venus with her gentle voice and kind eyes. but right now, in this space, with paige's midnight blue airpods max on and her chin tucked to her chest, azzi feels like only her girl. the vlogs are so lyrical, so soft that it feels like visual voicemails azzi's left for her to get to later.

paige resists the urge to comment, if only to keep the attention away. her fans will zero in on the activity like vultures in sight of meat.

"i got this new camera that all the girls say makes your filming really good. i'm a bit chronically offline, so i don't keep up with all of that, but i wish i did. learning how to work this thing is so confusing, and i feel like my content is a bit shit already."

azzi laughs after that statement, and paige thinks the uber driver does, too. she watches as azzi presses her powder pink acrylics to her bottom lip; she imagines them pressing into her instead.

"mario is my uber driver. he's been so accommodating of my rambling. well, i have to go for now. reached the hotel, and i should not be showing you where i'm staying."

azzi comes in close to the camera, her eyes like two pools of light. paige finds herself leaning in as if she's right there in the car with her. subconsciously, paige knows azzi is talking to five thousand of them, but she can't help but have the fantasy of being the only one to receive this message.

"we'll chat later, okay?"

okay, paige thinks.

azzi grins as if she's heard her, and the screen goes black. then, a thin line of white text appears. i forgot to keep filming! sorry!

paige laughs, but her headphones make it sound faraway. she's sleepy now, and the world is dusky outside as the morning comes in.

the video ends, but paige plays it again.

✺

that's the last sense of peace she gets for a while.

azzi posts on her instagram account—paige has a hunch that she either has a social media manager or forces her brothers to help her out—and paige lingers in the bathroom while she scrolls through the carousel. she strokes a thumb over the soft curve of azzi's cheek, its fullness pressed against a fan's as she smiles shyly.

she looks at the comments. the people's princess!, someone has said. she likes it before she thinks too much of it. an external pounding, different from the one in her head, breaks her out of the bubble. someone is yelling for her. maybe her coach, maybe a teammate. since joining the wnba, so many people seem to want her. paige closes her eyes and resists the urge to hug herself.

she should stay inside, stay here.

she goes out and plays.

paige walks through the park, hood up against the morning chill, headphones firmly in place. she's supposed to be on her way to an early team meeting, but she's deliberately taking the long route. she needs this—these fifteen minutes with azzi's voice in her ears, a buffer between last night's crushing defeat and whatever analysis is waiting for her at practice.

"so i went back to the rink yesterday," azzi's voice says, slightly tinny through her headphones. it’s the wired ones today. paige wants to feel more like herself, less jaded and more real. someone could simply pull the wire. she sort of hopes they do. "not to skate, just to… be there, i guess? my physical therapist said it might help with the mental block."

paige finds herself nodding as if azzi can see her. she knows about mental blocks. three missed free throws in the final quarter. twitter hasn't let her forget it.

"it smelled the same. that's what got me. like cold and rubber and—i don't know—possibility? is that weird to say?"

paige smiles. it's not weird. she gets it. the squeak of sneakers, the hollow echo of a basketball hitting hardwood. home sounds.

"it reminded me of this perfume a friend got me for christmas last year. it's a very icy smell. it's been discontinued, but she's so good at sourcing on ebay. it should be her full-time job. the notes say iris and vodka, which is so funny to me because i don't smell that at all. it just smells like home. like snow." paige wishes she would say what the perfume was, if only to see if she could find it, too. "anyway, so i'm at the rink…”

she's so caught up in azzi's voice that she doesn't notice the uneven sidewalk. her foot catches, and as she stumbles, her phone slips from her pocket, clattering to the ground. the headphones yank from her ears, suddenly filling the morning air with azzi's voice.

"…standing there like an idiot, honestly, but then my old coach—"

paige lunges for the phone, but another hand gets there first.

"was i saying anything interesting?" says a voice, exactly as the podcast continues, "—told me i didn't need to rush back into anything."

the surreal echo of the same voice, one from the device and one from above her, creates a strange doubling effect that makes paige freeze. the podcast keeps playing—“that maybe i needed to find my own path”—while the real azzi reaches down to silence it.

paige looks up, still half-crouched, and finds herself staring into azzi fudd's smiling face.

the same dimples. the same brown eyes. the same berry-pink lips from her videos, but now they're curved into an amused smile just for her and seem to be a shade darker. she's wearing a dior bodysuit, intricate diamond patterns tracing across it with strategic cutouts that reveal glimpses of warm, brown skin, paired with an asymmetrical gauzy lace skirt that floats around her legs, catching the morning light. it's elegant and ethereal, reminiscent of her skating days but with a modern edge.

paige's brain short-circuits. “you're—”

"azzi," she says, holding out the phone. "and based on what i just heard, you already know that."

heat floods paige's face. "i—yeah. i watch your videos. they're…" she struggles for a word that isn't pathetically revealing. "calming."

azzi's laugh is exactly how it sounds in her videos, but louder, tangible. "calming? that's a first. most people tell me i talk too fast."

"you do," paige says, finding her voice as she takes the phone. "but in a good way." she hesitates, then adds, "i'm paige."

azzi's eyes crinkle as she smiles, and her next words are a livewire. "i know. bueckers, right? i thought you looked familiar. i watched your game last night."

now paige wants to disappear. of course, azzi saw that disaster. she must be so red right now.

( azzi is only thinking of how blue her eyes are. )

azzi just shakes her head admiringly. "that three-pointer in the second quarter? with the defender right in your face? that was unreal."

paige blinks, surprised. most people only remember the misses. "thanks."

"i miss that feeling," azzi says, almost to herself, one hand absently smoothing the flowing material of her skirt. then she brightens. "anyway, i didn't mean to interrupt your… well, me." she gestures at the phone, and that laugh spills out again.

paige can't help it—she laughs too, a real version that loosens something tight in her chest. "it's not weird, i promise."

"no, it's definitely weird," azzi counters, still smiling. "but kind of cool. i didn't think wnba stars had time to watch my terrible travel vlogs."

"i make time," paige says, more honestly than she means to. “and they’re not terrible. you—you’re just doing what you love. i respect it.”

they stand there for a moment, the morning bustle of the park continuing around them. the breeze catches the edge of azzi's skirt, making it dance around her legs.

"well, i was just heading to get coffee," azzi says finally. "if you're not busy…"

paige thinks about practice, about the team meeting, about the inevitably grim analysis of last night's game. she feels her body lock up, feels her brain scramble. she knows what the right decision is. she makes the “wrong” one.

"i could use some coffee," she says.

✺

paige is learning just how much she's underestimated her need for somebody.

she never knew; she just assumed that she was doing alright. but coffee with azzi has led to friendship with azzi, which has led to her finding a hole inside of herself. she's only found the hole because it's beginning to fill.

it fills when azzi texts her absentmindedly about something she saw that she thought paige would like. it fills when she says good luck before a game. it fills when she calls, and paige purposefully lets it ring, only to hear the voicemail she leaves after. the filling is slow and endless, and it transmits into everything.

outside, the city hums with late-night traffic, horns blurring into the distant echo of sirens. paige should sleep—her body aches from the weight of practice, the constant push of competition—but instead, she scrolls. watches another video. then another.

azzi in a café, stirring sugar into her espresso. azzi trying on plum-colored lipstick in the reflection of a subway window, only to scrunch her face in distaste. azzi wandering through an open market, nose pink from the cold, laughing when she almost drops her phone.

paige presses the side of her fist against her mouth. there's something so unbearably soft about it, the way azzi lets the world see her like this. no stadium lights, no roaring crowds—just her, tucked away in quiet corners, existing in a way that feels small. still existing, despite the crumbling of her original path. paige wonders if azzi likes it that way. if she wants to be forgotten.

(she won't be. paige won't let her.)

she wonders if azzi understands just how much she's saved her life.

another game occurs. paige is better, though an outsider would call her phenomenal. she's not the best at being kind to herself.

twitter talks less. paige finds a way to leave herself alone. the hole is filling.

her teammates are gossiping, the usual buzz after a big win. someone mentions a player from a rival team who's been trying to get paige's attention all season. paige shrugs, a half-hearted smirk playing at the edge of her lips as she wipes her sweat-soaked face with a towel.

"i don't know, girl. she seems fun," paige says, eyes flicking toward her phone.

her teammates roll their eyes, but paige doesn't notice. she taps the screen, and the slight furrow in her brow softens when the name azzi lights up. she seems fun, paige thinks, but she's got nothing on her. she swipes to answer, her voice dropping to a tone that's so soft and easy it might not even be the same paige they all know.

"hey, az. miss me?" she says into the phone, the edge disappearing completely as she leans back against the locker, smiling like it's just the two of them alone in the world.

"hi, p," azzi says, her soft voice filtering through the speaker. paige almost closes her eyes, pictures summer rain. "i'm only calling for a few minutes. i have to get to this concert, but i think i'm lost."

paige feels a bolt of anxiety at the thought of azzi on her own in a new city. she asks her to hold a minute and checks her location. she's in a town called trogir. paige zooms out further. she's in croatia. she hops back onto the call.

"what are you doing in croatia?"

"you're such a little creep," azzi says fondly, her smile evident despite paige being unable to see her. "last-minute girls' trip with my mom. she says 'hi' by the way."

"hi, katie," paige says dutifully, and there's a faint whisper of someone saying hello in return.

"look, i'm getting distracted. i called to tell you something and—" there's the blare of a horn, and paige's heart jumps again.

"az?"

"i'm here. i'm fine. someone just almost got hit, jesus." azzi takes a deep breath, and paige wishes she was there to hold her hand. "um, okay. sorry! i called to say that i'm coming to dallas."

the world drains away, and suddenly paige can only hear the twin pumps of their hearts. her face warms with joy, and she feels the heat of a full-body blush. she's smiling like a loon, and most of her teammates have gone by now, but the ones who have stayed are watching her with amusement.

"are you being for real right now?"

azzi says yes through a sharp giggle, and paige spins in place. she sits down, suddenly dizzy, and squeezes her eyes shut until the black behind them is swimming with grains of white and pinpricks of light. she laughs.

"when will you be here? i can—i can pick you up. i will, if you want. which airport? can you just send me—"

"i will," azzi says, cutting through gently. "i promise. i'll send you everything, okay? i gotta go, but i promise."

paige clutches the phone with both hands, suddenly feeling like a child. she shifts in place and then says,

"azzi?"

"mmm?"

"will you…will you stay with me?" and it doesn't come out the way it's supposed to. it's only intended to be an offer of accommodation, but the words are swollen and filled with something else. she's asking for two things at once, and it embarrasses her.

"where else would i be?" azzi responds, and paige has nothing to say.

she goes to speak again, goes to expel the three little words sitting deep inside of her chest, but she swallows them down. she's such a child. she's a school girl with a crush.

"az?"

"yes?"

"i just—i can't wait to see you."

the background quiets. paige doesn't know where she is.

"me too, p. i miss you more than anything."

they end the call. the locker room has emptied now. it's only her. paige places her head in her hands. she grasps at her face, slides her hands over her mouth, and screams.

✺

the week of azzi's arrival comes so close, so quickly, like a flame.

paige barges into her coaches' office with so much force that it blindsides them, just enough for them to let out a startled 'sure' when she requests a couple of days off. she smiles with all of her teeth at the affirmative and gets on the road while she's still riding the high.

she arrives at the airport two hours early, as if punctuality could somehow make time move faster. she parks in short-term, ignoring the exorbitant fee. money doesn't matter today; only azzi does.

the arrivals hall is a mess of bodies and noise. families reuniting, frazzled pets held tightly, passengers searching hopelessly for their ubers. paige finds herself pacing, checking her phone, the overhead screens, her phone again. she's wearing a baseball cap pulled low, but she doesn't think anyone would recognize her anyway—not with her face this soft, this open with anticipation.

a text from azzi: landed. heading to baggage claim. see you soon x

the ‘x’ makes paige's heart stutter. she types back can't wait and deletes three different emojis before sending it plain.

when people start streaming through the arrivals gate, paige stands on her tiptoes, scanning the crowd. her height should be an advantage, but the nervous energy makes her feel small. she sees families, couples, businesspeople, then—

azzi.

she's wearing low-waisted jeans that reveal her belly piercing and a baby blue spaghetti-strap tank underneath a white bolero sweater that’s slipping off of one shoulder. her curls are gathered in a loose bun on top of her head, a few strands framing her face. she looks tired but luminous, dragging a carry-on behind her, eyes searching the crowd.

their gazes lock.

the moment stretches between them like taffy, sweet and pulling. then azzi's face breaks into a smile so bright it could power the entire terminal, and she's moving, weaving through the crowd with sudden purpose.

paige doesn't remember deciding to move, but suddenly, she's striding forward too. they meet somewhere in the middle, and paige doesn't know what to do with her hands. a hug? a wave? she hesitates, awkward and aching.

azzi has no such reservations. she drops her bag and throws her arms around paige's neck, her body warm and solid and real. she smells like airplane air and something sweet—vanilla maybe, or honey. paige's arms wrap around her waist, lifting her slightly off the ground. she presses her face into azzi's neck and breathes.

"hi," azzi whispers, her breath warm against paige's ear.

"hey," paige says back, and it comes out embarrassingly rough. she clears her throat and tries again. "welcome to dallas."

when they pull apart, they're both smiling like idiots. azzi's eyes are wet, but she wipes at them quickly, laughing. "sorry, i'm just—it's been a long flight."

"no, i get it," paige says, even though she doesn't cry after flights. she gets it because she feels it too—this overwhelming something that makes her chest feel too small for her heart.

azzi reaches up and tugs the brim of paige's cap. "nice disguise, superstar. almost didn’t recognize you."

"shut up," paige laughs, taking azzi's bag before she can protest. "come on, i'm parked this way."

as they walk toward the exit, their hands brush once, twice. on the third time, paige hooks her pinky around azzi's, the smallest point of contact. she doesn't look over, but she feels azzi smile beside her.

in the car, azzi talks about her flight, about the book she read, about the baby two rows back who cried for four straight hours. pretty impressive actually, she says with a light smile. paige listens, stealing glances whenever traffic slows. the late afternoon sun catches in azzi's hair, turning the edges golden. paige grips the steering wheel tighter.

"you're staring," azzi says without looking over.

"you're beautiful," paige replies, the words tumbling out before she can stop them.

the car falls silent. paige keeps her eyes fixed on the road, her face burning. she's blown it. she's made it weird. she's—

"so are you," azzi says softly. her hand finds paige's on the gearshift, her thumb tracing circles on paige's knuckles. "i really love your eyes."

the traffic moves forward. they do, too.

✺

the room is quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioning. it's late afternoon, the world outside bustling, but here, there's warmth and stillness. paige is sitting on the couch, her legs stretched out in front of her, and azzi is curled up against her, head resting on paige's lap.

azzi's breathing is slow, even, and paige runs her fingers gently through the soft curls resting on her thigh. she's been like this for hours, scrolling through her phone aimlessly, but there's nothing that can pull her attention away now. she doesn't even notice how still she's become, how careful she is with every movement, how much she's trying to keep quiet so azzi doesn't stir.

azzi shifts slightly, her cheek pressing deeper into the fabric of paige's shorts, and paige freezes, holding her breath as if moving too much would ruin it. the sight of azzi so peaceful, so vulnerable in her arms, is enough to make paige's chest tighten. she hasn't felt this attached in months. but here she is, with the lines between her and azzi a little too blurry, and paige doesn't mind. she's unafraid.

azzi's eyelids flutter for a second, a soft sigh escaping her lips, and paige smiles to herself. there's a part of her that wants to get up, stretch her legs, maybe go grab a drink. but she can't—won't. not with azzi here, warm and trusting in her lap.

she watches the rise and fall of azzi's chest, her fingers gently tracing patterns along azzi's arm. if she moves now, she knows she'll ruin it, disturb the quiet. and for once, paige doesn't care about anything else. she doesn't care about the press or the noise or her next game. she just wants to stay like this, with azzi in her arms, forever. she wants to film this, make her own vlog to watch back when the world is crushing her.

time passes without her noticing. outside, cars begin to slow in the height of rush hour. it's perfect; it's just the two of them. azzi stays asleep, her head tucked into the curve of paige's body, and paige lets her be, letting the moment stretch on until she doesn't even know how long it's been.

eventually, paige's phone vibrates on the table beside them, but she doesn't move to answer it. instead, she looks down at azzi, resting her chin on top of her head, a soft whisper of "i got you" escaping from her lips.

it's a promise, even if neither of them has said the real words yet.

after another hour, azzi stirs slowly, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks. she stretches, cat-like, still half-under, before realizing her head is resting on something warm. someone. paige.

“what time is it?” she mumbles, her voice rough with sleep.

paige shifts slightly, her hand still tangled in azzi's curls. "almost seven," she says softly. "you were out for a while."

azzi sits up, blinking in the dim light of early evening. she rubs her eyes, embarrassed. "why didn't you wake me up?"

"you looked like you needed it," paige says, and then adds with a grin, "plus, i liked watching you sleep. you make these little noises—"

"i do not," azzi cuts in, laughing as she pushes at paige's shoulder.

it's then that azzi notices the coffee table. it's covered in takeout containers—at least a dozen of them, all neatly arranged. she blinks, confused.

"i got food," paige explains, suddenly looking sheepish. "i didn't know what you'd want, so i just got you everything."

azzi leans forward, opening one of the containers. quinoa salad with roasted vegetables. another one reveals a green smoothie bowl topped with chia seeds. a third has some kind of grain bowl with avocado and sprouts.

"i thought you hated ‘healthy-healthy’ food," azzi says, looking up at paige with wonder.

paige shrugs, averting her eyes. "yeah, but you don't. and i thought you might be hungry when you woke up, so…"

there's a moment of silence, and then azzi is moving, closing the distance between them. she reaches up, curling her fingers around the back of paige's neck, and pulls her down until their foreheads touch.

"you're something else, p," she whispers, and before paige can respond, azzi presses her lips to hers.

it's soft, sleepy, a barely-there touch that feels like the most natural thing in the world. then it deepens.

paige clutches at the base of her neck and tries to swallow her, biting at her bottom lip until azzi gives her enough room to slip in her tongue. azzi makes a high noise, something like a whimper, and paige squeezes her waist with her free hand. she kisses her harder, her fingers trailing gently over the cool gem of her belly button piercing. when they pull apart, paige's eyes are wide, her cheeks flushed.

"was that okay?" azzi asks, suddenly unsure.

paige nods, a smile spreading across her face like a slow sunrise. "okay? fuck, az. that was more than okay." it was all i've ever wanted, is what she holds back.

azzi smiles back, her cheeks bunched high with the force of it, and then gestures to the food. "we should probably eat before it gets cold."

paige laughs, reaching for a container. "i think some of it's supposed to be cold, babe."

"will you shut up?" azzi says, but she's smiling far too hard for it to have any bite. they don't say anything about the pet name.

they eat cross-legged on the floor, containers spread between them, talking about nothing and everything. it feels like they've been doing this forever, like they've known each other all their lives. like, this is exactly where they're supposed to be.

at least, paige knew this was where she was supposed to be. and if it felt miles better than being on the court, that’s her perfect secret.

✺

the press room is buzzing with the usual chatter. paige's post-game routine is the same—answer the same questions, give the same responses. she's had enough of it by now, the lights, the cameras, the questions she's been asked a thousand times before.

"paige, great game tonight! you really pulled through in the second half," one reporter begins, the usual pleasantries. "but we have to ask—can you tell us about your friendship with azzi fudd? we've seen you two together a lot recently, and you two are a little bit of an unlikely duo."

paige's shoulders tense, her jaw tightening slightly. she can feel the eyes of every reporter in the room, all waiting for her to answer in the same carefully scripted way. she's never been one for this media circus, and she certainly doesn't enjoy being poked and prodded about her personal life. but something shifts in her. the question lingers, more intimate than the usual “game analysis” ones.

she leans back in her chair, trying to act casual, but her eyes flicker down to her phone hidden in her lap. the screen lights up with a text, and her lockscreen flashes. it’s a picture of her and azzi, their faces haloed by the dallas sun. paige isn’t even looking into the camera; she can’t be bothered to look at anything that isn’t her. azzi is laughing, open-mouthed and pleased.

this is her girl, the way the world once saw her, the way paige always sees her: aphrodite with the world at her feet.

"um, well," paige starts, her voice surprisingly steady, "azzi… she's everything. i mean, look, she's always been special to me. she found me at a time in life when i needed her. she's been through more than people know, and i respect the hell out of her for that. she's my best friend, my person.”

paige stops herself, eyes narrowing as if considering whether to backtrack or not. instead, she continues, the words coming out before she can hold them back.

"azzi's a queen, man," she says, a lightness in her voice that's unmistakable. "she deserves to be loved for more than just her talent, you know? what she used to be. people see her as this little ice princess frozen in time, but she's so much more than that. she's smart, funny, kind. i'm lucky to have her in my life. i wish i’d had her earlier.”

the room goes quiet for a moment. paige can't help but glance at the reporters in front of her, their pens moving quickly, capturing every word.

she doesn't care. not this time. the clip goes viral within minutes, the headline flashing across social media—paige bueckers opens up about friendship with azzi fudd: "she deserves to be loved."

✺

paige is in bed, the lights dim, but her face is illuminated by the glow of her phone. her ponytail is messy and dark with sweat from a long day of practice, but she doesn't care. azzi's facetime rings in, and her heart skips a beat.

"hey, princess," she greets, already in a lighter mood. azzi's there, scrunching her nose at the camera, dressed in a cozy hoodie and no makeup, just her.

"am i keeping you up?" azzi teases softly.

paige leans back against her pillow, trying to act nonchalant, but there's a softness in her voice that betrays her. "i was just waiting for you to call." she traces her finger along the edge of the screen. "couldn't sleep without hearing your voice."

and she sees it in azzi's face: that warm affirmation that she saw what paige said during press today. they don't talk about it. instead, azzi says,

"i love you. so much."

paige's chest tightens. she nods, tries to say i love you too, i love you more— but struggles against the lump in her throat. azzi hears her anyway. she always seems to understand.

"um, tell me about your day," paige finally pushes out.

"sure, baby.”

azzi begins to talk. paige puts her airpods in. blocks out any other noise. she falls asleep like that.