Isn’t it fascinating, life? This is a repetitive topic for me, actually, a topic I’ve thought about since I was kid. I have always seemed to be drawn by the acclaimed questions; how, why, when… etc. I am far from alone and it never gets old for me. I’m drawn to the conclusion and conscious of the human behavior that allows it to be so. There are new, different people coming in and out of my life every day. And although some days seem to play like groundhogs day, there are others with such great peculiarity. All the plain days seem to move beyond our focal point and there we are, staring. I love how those moments of revelation make me feel. Like as if I’ve learned all there is to know about life and somehow still not knowing anything at all. Isn’t that funny? I get that way when I watch movies and I see something that makes my mind stutter; makes my blood run a little quicker. Or when I meet someone, like the other day I went to visit this chapel I often go to. I stood towards the back for a while, gathering my thoughts. I wondered why there are days I don’t feel God nearby. I felt that if I stepped forward, I’d be lying, so my mind went silent. I noticed a lady standing nearby but didn’t pay too much attention. After some time, she came towards me. She said “hi”, I said “Hello”. She was an older woman, fancy, with short brown hair. Her wrinkled face made no impression like her eyes. They were the brightest bluish green I’d ever seen. They were watery and her eyelids were this irritated red against her pail complexion. I thought she looked familiar. “It never gets any easier” she said. She went about telling me that she had a mass held for her father. It was his birthday. I realized I had met this lady last year. On the same day, around the same time and we had a similar discussion. I didn’t want to interrupt. So I let her speak. I thought that this is how I’d probably be. Pouring my heart out to strangers and hoping they’re more than just a body. I bet she couldn’t tell, but my heart was happy to share that moment with her. “Cherish them, at the end of the day we never realize how little time we have with the people we love. We’re always worried about ourselves first”, she said while holding her gaze towards the Alter. I agreed, and thought about my mother whom I had spoken to earlier; I was frustrated and so happened to take it out on her. I wanted to cry. I told her how much I loved my parents, and that I never really like thinking about saying goodbye. But I’m older now, and death is inevitable. She put her hand around my back; I placed my hand on her shoulder. She thanked me for listening and I told her it wasn’t a problem. After she left, I stood there looking for somewhere to place my eyes. My chest felt heavy. I inhaled a deep clarifying breath before I turned to head out. Knowing something different and not knowing anything at all. My appreciation for life comes vaguely from my own. It comes from these occasional moments when I feel something bigger out there. I love how we all become witness to this animate existence, life.
