ricole davis

being single in this day in age is nothing like how being single 20 years ago was.

Back then you could meet the love of your life at a bar. Now? All you find at bars are guys who don’t know personal space and end the night drenched in their own vomit. Not my ideal guy. So you resort to downloading an app to meet guys. BUT WHAT APP?! There’s so many!!

But don’t worry I downloaded some of them and tried them out so you don’t have to. Ie ven rated them on a 4 point scale wow. I know.

You’re welcome

first up: 

TINDER

the most popular “dating” app out there. It once was THE dating app to use but it quickly turned into another “Craig’s List Killer” incident. It was simple, just swiping left if you didn’t like them or swiping right if you did. And it was unlimited for free. Now, you’re limited on the swipes, there’s a thing called super like and none of the guys on there are cute or less creepy than the guys you encounter at the bar.

rating: ❤️❤️

BUMBLE

Came right after Tinder. This too also cost but at least you’re not limited to the number of swipes you can do. The guys are also cuter and if you get swipe happy you get THREE free rewinds to fix a swipe happy mistake. Another thing that’s a plus about bumble (if you’re a girl) is you have the power to start the conversation. You have to message the guy first and you have 24 hours to do so, once you message him he has 24 hours to message you back or the match disappears. No more ghost likes err kinda..

BONUS: On your profile (much like Hinge) you can answer prompts about yourself and fill in interest like religion, political views, if you drink, if you work out, etc. That way you can see the red flags before you sleep with them!!

rating: ❤️❤️❤️

HINGE

I didn’t discover this app until later in my college career. Way after my dancing on frat tables while double fisting natty light days. Hinge, according to their slogan, is “the app that’s meant to be deleted”. The whole point of the app is to find someone that shares the same views and interest as you, go on some dates and live happily ever after. You’re instructed to answer three prompts ranging from “My future career is...” to “Two truths and one lie” You’re alerted when someone likes your prompt answers or a picture of yours. They can respond or add a comment and then you can decide if you like them back or not by messaging them. It can also be the other way around. On your profile, you can share if you smoke, drink, have kids, what you’re looking for, your political views and if you have a dog or not. Because TBH what girls really want to know is if you have a dog or not. 

Swiping left or right is no longer a thing so you don’t have to worry about getting swipe happy plus there are less creepy guys. Though it does cost and the free version only gets you 10 likes a day.

rating: ❤️❤️❤️ 

PLENTY OF FISH

I deleted this app after 10 minutes. It’s not free and you have to sign up using a username. I don’t know about you but I like to know the guy I think is cute’s real name, not some name he came up with that’s along the lines of fortniteking669. If you’re into mystery this app is for you. If you also have a former felon kink this app is DEFINTELY for you. But if not? Save yourself the space on your phone and don’t delete it.

rating: -❤️

OK CUPID

This app literally sounds like you’ve given up is letting cupid take a stab at your love life, which at this point, I just might. 

Sure you answer prompts (there’s thousands of them) and rate how imporant they are to you. The answered prompts are then compared to other people’s answered prompts and this formulates into how compatable they are to you. Sure it’s helpful but it’s time consuming and it shows you the ugly truth about yourself. Mine? I have the personality of what a frat boy calls an “ugly girl” which means I actually have a personality.

anyway I’m going to pass...for now.

rating: ❤️❤️

There’s more apps to download but much like Plenty of Fish they lasted on my phone for about 10 minutes due to it either being overly compicated regarding usage or there wasn’t enough “cute singles” in my area. If you’re like me and want to download them yourself, do it baby. You’re an independent. Let me know how they are for you.

my “this is my year” improvement plan has been put on hold

*great in bed*

*is three years younger than you*

*IMMEDITELY GHOSTS*

do you know what it’s like to be an actual  mouth breather? you get cotton mouth without smoking weed. You can’t feel your tongue and you get this disgusting white film on your tongue...not to mention the fact that you are probably swallowing bugs in your sleep. mmmm protein am i right?

i don’t know what i did to deserve suffering from the illness of YEAR ROUND ALLERGIES why couldn’t it be seasonal? hmm? why do i have to be allergic to grass, trees, weeds, DOGS, cats, anything you can think of that involves the outdoors...my body thinks is a danger. i guess you can say the outdoors is actually a danger...

the shitty part about this is i can never have my own good boy...i can’t cuddle with a dog. i can’t roll around in the grass with a dog or dogs. you know those cute pictures of people laying in the grass with a bunch of puppies. yep! that’ll never be me!

i should stop bitching because it could be worse. I could have no legs or cancer. not that i still couldn’t live a happy life because i definitely could BUT my illness or disability could be alot more difficult than not being able to play with dogs ina field of roses.

bartending part-time you run into a variety of people with an even larger variety of backgrounds. This weekend I had the pleasure of serving soon to be MD graduates. Chit chatting and talking about how I wanted to be a pediatric pulmonologist and now I’m going into film because physics caused me to have a mental breakdown that forced me into therapy, medication and dropping all my classes.