nothing personal

and still looking for direction. I’m at a stage in my life where I know that nothing is permanent. Despite that, I want to feel like I am working towards something meaningful.

I left my first full-time job last month because I wasn’t getting what I needed in life. It was bold to accept a position working in an area unrelated to my degree, but ultimately naive. I made the mistake of choosing a company over the role, hoping that things would fall into place. They didn’t.

Working in technical operations at a major aviation company brought me to a new level of stress that I wasn’t prepared for. To say I was miserable was an understatement. I screamed in my car on my way in and out of work. I experienced mood swings several times per day. I gained and lost weight. I had trouble sleeping. I spent every waking minute of my 9-hour work day wondering if I had made the right choice in accepting this position.

Adding to my frustration - my workplace environment was truly toxic. I was put in a department where I knew nobody. I was the youngest person on my team of 4, which was to the bane of my colleagues. This was considered a mid-level position, something that my colleagues had spent years working towards.

Naturally, I was accused of “not deserving” to be where I was. This led to harassment, being thrown under the bus, and misrepresentation in performance evaluations. Needless to say, talking to HR did not help.

After facing months of discrimination and harassment, I left the company. A part of me wishes that I could’ve held on a little longer to prove my grit, but life is too short to work with a company that doesn’t support you. 

Despite the many issues - I am really thankful for the experience of meeting some of the most supportive and thoughtful people (in an adjacent department) who had spoken up for me on multiple occasions. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my supporters from the sidelines.