Ricky Torres

Way to throw us to the lions. He did. There was a lot of crying. Like…too much crying. I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life. But I guess it’s better than the alternative. 

A guy pulled the alarm to make the very large apartment building evacuate so he could catch his wife cheating. We had to clear the whole building, all 80 apartments in full gear, in a non airconditioned building in 83 degree weather. Please tell me you’ve had a better day, Torres.

Probably not. More so for your safety than my own, though.

It’s not hatred, Officer Torres. I just have a very low tolerance for people who intentionally hurt others. 

If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were eager just eager to see me. Don’t test your luck with my generosity, but even if you were the one on call that night, the offer stands.

If he shows up here and makes a scene… I’m calling the police so the police can do their jobs, and then I’ll buy the arresting officer a drink as a thank you for taking out the trash on a weeknight so I don’t have to. It’s a win-win for me and whoever gets the call. I get to kick my feet up and let someone else deal with it, and whoever shows up gets to have the honor of arresting the son of a bitch.

I can’t give you anything concrete. At least, nothing that you could use to make a case on. But the way he treats women around here? It doesn’t scream upstanding citizen. He’s been banned from the Royale until further notice for vague threats. And I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s so inflammatory, he nearly got himself decked in the middle of the street. Like I said, it’s nothing concrete. I never saw anything criminal. But if you meet him, you know. There’s some people you just know to stay away from.

Please, have you seen him? He looks like the type to get severe whiskey dick after his second drink, and that’s being generous. — Isn’t it ironic, though? You spend all this time trying to catch criminals and somehow the actual criminal slips through the cracks. Because he is. Between us, we both know he wasn’t too drunk.

It’s simple: don’t be a prick. — So basically, they let him walk because he swears it wasn’t the vodka soda talking? It just doesn’t seem fair. 

Don’t let it go to your head. I figure you weren’t exactly thrilled to hear your department was letting him go, and given your whole macho officer of the law schtick, it probably wasn’t your call. That makes you somewhat decent in my book… for now. — Care to tell the girl who’s making your drinks why they let him go in the first place?

Given that you at least attempted to get an actual criminal off the streets for a change — despite failing epically and miserably in front of a sea of people who really only hate you more now — your first drink is on me. I know letting him out wasn’t up to the prick of a cop who assumes that everyone’s guilty.

Well, until you guys get right on that and magically change the fact that you let rapists get out unscathed, i will be hiring a body guard. Keep up, Ricky.

I think that ship sailed a long, long time ago.