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What would you rather have: a mutated bear full of human screams or a dog balloon full of fetid shit that could pop at any given moment?
Is this a roundabout way of asking me to choose between Midsommar or IT? Bruh Iâd watch Midsommar hands down, keep that clown shit off my dash please *cries rivers of tears*
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At a convention, a famous writer once said âtropes are like gears, if you use them well, they can be an integral part of the engine/plot. Or, you can just throw them on the side and make a steampunk hatâ
I took that to mean that tropes are just tools, and, if used right, arenât even really noticed.
So as a prompt if youâre up for it: Rick fucking Morty while Beth is on the phone to him after she called him. Or he accidentally calls her and sheâs on the other end of the phone listening to them fuck. :) đ
Ooooh thank you for the wonderful prompt, Ghosty! I took a few liberties with it. I hope you don't mind the unusual format XD enjoy!
Rest of ficlet under the cut:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have one (1) new voicemail message. Press one to play.
-Beeeeeep-
Rick:  (whispering) ... so keep it quiet, Morty, o-o-or else you can bet your ass that there won't be a repeat of this tomorrow. I doOOUUn't  even know why Beth even wants me to talkâ t-to call her.
Morty: (groaning)
Rick: Â (whispering) Making calls. Psh. I-I-It's a relic of a bygone era, if you ask me. Why would anyone want to call when texting is so much easier? I-it eliminates all the need for excruciatingly dull social interactions, l-l-like, I don't know, calling? W-why would she even want toâ
Morty: M-m-maybe she just wants to check that y-you're not exposing me to any bad influences? Y'know, like being a good mother for once?
[Sounds suspiciously like pillows being shoved over a teenager's face]
Rick: What did I just tell you? Quiet!
Morty: (unintelligible)
Rick: What?
Morty: (muffled voice) My phone. I-I-It's recording us. Say something.
[Rustling noises]
Rick: Wait. Recordingâ?
Morty: Y-you called mom right? It went straight to voicemail?
Rick: Oh, fuuuuckâ uh... hi, sweetie! It's your dad. I'm just calling to tell you about tonight.
Morty: It's me a-and Rick! Heâ he wants to say we can't go to dinner. Yeah.
Rick: We can't make it.
Morty: Y-y-yep. We can't. Because of... uh...
Rick: ... reasons. Our adventure's gonna run aâUUUURPâ a bit late, so we might not be back until after. Don't  worry, we'll be home before midnight.
Morty: A-and I've done all my homework!
Rick: Morty's finished with his homework. So just go ahead and... and have dinner without us. Don't worry, we, uh, Morty's got enough to eat over here.
Morty: (snickers)
Rick: Y-y-you and your preteen humor. Grow up, Morty.
Morty: Fuck off, Rick. Give me that.
[Rustling noises]
Rick: That's  enough, we can hang upâ
Morty: Hey mom, everything's okay. Rick isn't  being a dick to me. Yet.
Rick: M-m-morty let me handle â
Morty: You know what, scratch that. He's âhe's aâ he's being a complete asshole, but nothing to worry about, I'm safe!
Rick: Morty!
[Grunts and growls emanating from one irritated old man and one annoyed adolescent]
Morty: W-w-wait, I still have something to say!
Rick: Â God, Morty, give it to me. She's heard everything she needsâ
[Grunting]
[Loud clatter]
Morty: Ooh geez, that was my phone!
Rick: Now y-you've  done it, Morty. I-I told you your clumsy ass has to sit still while I was talking! Fuuuuâ here. Take your useless phone back and keep it. I'll just use mine toâUUURPâ give Beth the stupid call she wants.
Morty: (mumbling) I bought this with my allowance...
Rick:  For fuck's sakeâ Morty, I-I-I can fix your phone in ten seconds! But you know what's  worse? Now I haOOOUUGHve to go back to the ship to get my phone. Thanks for wasting the precious two minutes I have to spend portalling to the ship when I could've used them on something more productive. Like, maybe, helping you finish? Good luck with that.
Morty: W-w-wait, what?
Rick: Y-you heard me, Morty. Have fun jerking off y-yourâ your tiny little sad sausage all alone.
Morty: What the fuâ wait!
[Rustling noises]
Morty: Wait, Rick! Rick!!
Rick: What?
Morty: D-don't leave me like this! I don't want to get blue-balled. Not after last time!
Rick: Too bad. My phoneâ
Morty: I'll help you. I-I-I'llâ I'll take responsibility for it. If mom asks, I-I'm the one who wanted to stay late. I'll cover for you.
[Silence]
Morty: Just don't  leave. Please. Rick, I can't...
[Short silence]
Rick: Fine. I'll do it. But just because you loOOOUUk damn pitiful right now. God. Have some dignity, Morty.
Morty: Yes! Thanks, Riâ HOOOOOOH what are you doing?!?
Rick: Y-y-you didn't  think I'm going to go back to jerking you off, did you Morty? I expect some repayment for fixing that sorry excuse of a phone for you.
Morty: What? But I'llâ I'm already covering for you! You said you'd help me get off! How is a finger up my butt going toâ mmmffff!!!
[Wet smacking sounds]
Morty: Mmmmmâ
[Sounds of wrapper crinkling, followed by a mechanical whirring noise]
Rick: Y-you really talk too much.
Morty: Waitâ oooooh geezâ
[Whirring noises resume, but strangely muted]
Rick: Better?
Morty: (groaning)
Rick: I bought this off the Rick in dimension F9. He's a-a... a real kinky bastard. You won't  believe what he's  got dooOOOUUUwn in his garage, Morty. I-I-I wouldn't even touch half of what was in there. This is one of his tamer ones. How's the vibration? Do you want it stronger? Do you need me to reconfigure the shape?
Morty: (unintelligible groaning)
Rick: Wow. You really are a bitch, Morty. But you're MY bitch.
Morty: Hoooo... fuck...
Rick: Clench up more tightly, M-morty, it's coated in a powder that's  supposed to dull any painful sensations. Trust me, y-you're going to need it later.
Morty: P-pain?
Rick: Y-y-you really want me sticking my cock up your virgin asshole without any prepping? Your call.
Morty: (hoarse voice) Who said anything aboutâ
Rick: You. Didn't  y-y-you say you wanted to fuck?
Morty: W-w-well, I, uh...
Rick: Y-y-you meant the other way around, didn't  you? A-a-and what made you think I was going to let your unexperienced dick anywhere near my UUURP poor ass? Don't  you think you need some lessons from the master first?
Morty: But...
Rick: I'm already done stretching you out. Just shut up and lie still.
Rick: Knew you'd like that, M-morty, you kinky son of a bitch. Y-y-you know, I should introduce you to F9 Rick sometime. YoOOUU might get along with him and we can get a discount when we buy those toys of his. Everâ ever heard of a gimp mask, Morty?
Morty: (groaning) Piss off.
Rick: Aww, baby, don't be like that. After everything I've done forâ wait. What was that?
[Short silence]
Morty: I-It's just my phone, Rick. Bet I just got a new text or something. Can we go back to what we were doing now?
Rick: Morty, y-y-you complete imbecile! I thought you dropped it? That means your phone's not broken!
Morty: Huh. But the screen's all black? What's  wrong with it then? I'll justâ
Rick: NO! MORTY, DON'T PRESS ANYTHIâ
-Beeeeeep-
End message. To replay, press 1.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ask box still open for prompts! Send 'em in folks ;D
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When did the intricacies of shipping become so damn political? Like seriously, when, and WHY?
Iâm old enough to remember the days when shipping something âcontroversialâ, âproblematicâ, or just not inherently pure wouldnât completely ruin friendships, wouldnât subject you to endless bullying or harassment online, and those with enough common courtesy would see material of a ship they didnât like or didnât approve of, and just move on and mind their own business. Basically, the days when shipping was the escape from the messiness of reality that it was supposed to be. Like, isnât shipping supposed to be a form of, you know, stress relief, escapism, or indulgence?
Shipping something that isnât 100% pure, or even shipping something that would be inherently gross and wrong in real life, doesnât automatically mean youâre a bad or sick person. And creating material for said ship doesnât mean that either. People ship what they ship for a multitude of reasons, whether they be for coping/therapeutic reasons, because the concept of it is intriguing to them in a fictional sense and they want to explore it in a healthy (yes, HEALTHY) way, because the specific way someone depicts the ship speaks to them and breaks past normal barriers, because itâs a form of projection, etc. And anyone in the right frame of mind who hasnât been living under a rock their whole life will understand fully the separation between reality and fanart/fanfiction, even at a young age. I know, because I was that young age once, and I was naive as hell.
Harassing people for creating content of an impure ship wonât protect anybody. Creating DNI banners that are centered around a fictional ship wonât protect you or anybody else. It just causes stress for both parties, makes the harasser look like the asshole that they are, reinforces toxic behavior, and very probably exposes minors or those with mental illnesses to said toxic behavior. You think fanart/fanfiction is bad, take a look in the mirror first.
Rather than automatically assuming the reason behind shipping an impure ship is because that person is sick or bad, maybe ask them yourself WHY they ship it, and perhaps under which circumstances (because boundaries exist, even in problematic ships). Not in an aggressive way, in a polite and curious way. And let their answer speak for itself.
It doesnât have to be an âus vs themâ thing, like so much of life already is. Why not create bridges of understanding, rather than walls of hatred? And remember, at the end of the day, itâs just fiction.
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