ribenaface

feeling sad about the times men have been awful to me, was about to reach out to a male friend then remembered oh yeah! he assaulted me once too! lol

I think I've been depressed without realising it for a long time. Like, obviously I'm always depressed lol, but actually significantly worse than the usual low level hum of sadness. Suddenly a fog has lifted. I'm listening to music more than I have for years, and it is so beautiful. Also other stuff that is none of your business. I just feel secure and contented and free. Trying to figure out what exactly it is that has made me feel so much better, I think it's a perfect storm of a number of things. I feel closer to my real self, I think. More in tune with the seasons and the sunlight. Noticing more beauty in the world and nature. It's like all my bandwidth was being used up on surviving and holding my head above water and now that has shifted and I have the capacity to take in the extra stuff that actually makes life worth living. The smell of the leaves and the pink sunset clouds, all that shit

I had a lover. I don't think I'd risk another these days.

have run out of my medication but the pharmacist said I only picked them up 2 weeks ago so I must have a box somewhere... can't find it. Feel like someone has stolen them. How can something so simple feel so difficult for me? had a very difficult family thing yesterday and can't stop running things over in my mind. A lifetime of emotional abuse.