Semper Fidelis

How did he even begin to explain to Rhys everything that happened since he’d left? Did he even want to was really the better question. Couldn’t they just get wasted and fuck like they used to and pretend like there wasn’t this weird distance between them now all because he’d been stupid enough to believe he could do something to help his sisters? He didn’t want to talk to Rhys about it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. He supposed if there was anyone he would want to discuss it with, it would be Rhys, but he didn’t want this to turn into a let’s all pity Jack moment. He wanted this to be about them. Or maybe he just wanted everything to somehow go back in time to before he’d left. Was there a them? Did he want to be with Rhys? He wasn’t really sure of anything anymore other than knowing that he was now completely separated from anyone he used to call family and he was glad to see the man now sitting in front of him. “Yeah…” Was all he could say as he stared into his glass and absentmindedly swirled the liquid inside. This was the first time in a while he’d talked to anyone about his sisters and before he’d cut off the conversation before he had to give any reasoning for what had happened.

Finally he was drawn away from his thoughts by Rhys’s voice and he tried to shovel the brain weasels down and focus on the other. He put on a forced smile and laughed at the joke even though he didn’t get the reference. “Uh… ‘m jus’ ‘appy ta see ya mate,” he admitted with a nervous chuckle eyes finally moving to take the other in. Jack had missed that face so very much. So much so that seeing Rhys now actually pained him. It was almost easier thinking he’d never see his lover again. What happened after this? He had to be reminded all over again what a mistake he’d made and Rhys would go off to do whatever it was Rhys was doing now. Maybe it would have been better if Rhys hadn’t texted him. He never would have known and they could have gone on with their lives.

He found himself studying the face he knew so well, picking up new lines etched on the surface, and recognizing familiar ones. Those piercing eyes and how they used to look at him. His plump lips and what they tasted liked. Eventually he realized he was staring and shook himself out of it, leaning back awkwardly and sighing before taking up the shot glass. “Friends!” He announced lifting it up and then suddenly feeling like perhaps that wasn’t the right word to describe them his face fell. “O’… uh… I don’ know, can we just take it?” He asked dejectedly looking at Rhys with pleading eyes.

Jack didn’t need to say what he was thinking because Rhys had been there about a thousand times before. With Joe. With Felix. With everyone who’s ever came and left from his life. It wasn’t the first time someone looked at him like that and for so long, and it surely wouldn’t be the last. He couldn’t help but steal glances at Jack, too. They were at a point now where too much time had passed and there wasn’t enough between them to work through the awkwardness. All he could do was pretend like he didn’t notice, or care, and carry on until it was time to say goodbye. Perhaps for the last time, perhaps not--time would tell. He cleared his throat and nodded. They didn’t have to toast to shit, just drink the liquor and let it numb them. 

One shot down, Rhys flagged down a waiter and ordered some more. He’d need to get pretty fucked up if he was going to work through this shit.  “Changing subject. Since you wont tell me about you. I’ll talk about me.” Beer sipped, he smiled.  “Apparently, being old and a drunk and an addict makes it so you can’t participate in MMA anymore. Who knew? So I gave that up. Now I teach it full time. And when I’m not doing that, I’m playing foster dad to homeless animals. So my house is literally a zoo. And when I’m not chasing pretty boys in London pubs, I’m taking pictures of cities and landscapes for a magazine my cousin is starting. Nothing spectacular or amazing, but, my life isn’t the complete train wreck you remember it to be. I think I have you to thank for a lot of that. In a way.” 

He climbed on the bed, crawling in between the other’s legs. His lips wore a cheeky grin. “Hello only works when I meet you out of the blue, and today isn’t your birthday. Or is it?” 

“It is not. So that leaves good morning.” He glances down to the bulge under the blanket and moves enough to let Alec lay comfortably. “And if that’s not good enough. There’s always ‘because I want you to’.” 

@rhys-cassidy continued from here​

“But you ran out of thank you blowjobs.”

Jack followed Rhys’ lead, something he was quite accustomed to doing at this point, even if it had been some time. He didn’t even wait until his body was fully seated before he took to the beer in his slightly quivering hands. He should have smoked a spliff on the way over to calm himself. At this point he was sure he was playing catch up with Rhys. The beers in each of their hands weren’t going to last either of them very long and he regretted not getting a pitcher for them to share. By the time he placed the glass down on the table it was already a quarter gone. He would have taken the shot as well if he didn’t think it would be rude to do so without Rhys since that had been his intention.

As Rhys spoke he couldn’t help but question the other’s motive. It didn’t sound like he was in London for any particular reason at all, but then again maybe he just simply didn’t want to share his plans with Jack. After all, he didn’t exactly have the privilege to that information anymore. He was sure that if Rhys had actually been watching his face as he talked he’d notice the mixture of confusion and disappointment that was reflected upon hearing he nearly didn’t message him. He was glad that his former lover had of course, but he couldn’t exactly blame him for not immediately doing so. He had been the one who’d left and Jack had always known that Rhys would never really want him back. That didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt to hear that he’d almost been passed over. “Uh… well… ‘m glad ya did mate,” he said trying to hide his facial expression by putting on a smile at the joke and lifting his glass up for a moment to the other before placing it to his lips once more.

His heart caught in his throat at the mention of his sisters and what was going to be a single gulp of beer turned into several much larger ones. He finished with a rather audible gasp and set his mug back on the table a bit louder than he intended. “Didn’t work out. I’m on me own again.” He hadn’t meant for the last bit to sound the way it did, but it was out his mouth before he’d really had a chance to think about it. Quickly trying to recover he added, “I mean… I got a roommate. Flat not too far from ‘ere, runs fings with me, ya know.” He shrugged and took back to the glass nearly finishing it off. This was not at all how he wanted this conversation to go, but everything was bound to come up at some point during the night. The entire reason Jack had left New York was to try and help his half-sisters finally get out of the house, but when they realized how they’d be living with him they’d decided to make other plans. He wasn’t even sure where either of them were at the moment. It had been some time since he’d spoke to them, he just hoped they hadn’t gone back to his step father. He had a feeling John had influenced their decision to leave, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. His brother could hate him for his sexuality all he wanted, it wasn’t going to change his past or how he felt about the way the girls had been treated. He just wanted them out of the house. If that meant they despised him now for whatever John had told them and they went to stay with him, then so be it. At least they were safe now.

So far, Rhys was pretty glad he didn’t puss out on texting Jack, too. He was just shocked everything worked out the way that it did. And Jack seemed the same mix of nervous and excited which only eased his own uncertainties.  “So your reasons for coming back home didn’t pan out, huh? That really fuckin’ sucks, man. I know what that’s like though. Seems like my whole young-adult life was spent doing things for absolutely no reason in the end--it was exhausting.” Rhys took another drink of his beer to wash down the next question he wanted to ask; why didn’t Jack come back? But he decided he didn’t want to know the answer. Even more, he didn’t want to ruin the good vibes. 

The last few years had Rhys ebbing in and out of death and destruction. Since his divorce, he was a wreck. Drugs, liquor, sex with anyone who showed up on his doorstep. It was a dangerous life. But not long after Jack left, Rhys was forced into a rehab center where he learned new ways of getting by without resorting to dangerous behaviors. So by the time beer number two was finished, he eyed the full shot on the table and decided that after that was done, he would switch to water. At least for a little bit. Besides, it was a kind gesture for Jack to buy them and wait this long to down it. 

His mind had been reeling through various emotions ever since he’d gotten the first text from Rhys, but as he watched his old lover approach it was as if all time had frozen. He suddenly felt like he had been inserted into one of those moments in a movie where they gave the actor tunnel vision and turned up the depth of field on the camera. Everything else melted around him and all he could see was Rhys. Of course the air had also been sucked out of his lungs and every step was now like trying to walk when he was on acid. He was no longer sure that the floor existed, but he somehow forced his legs to trudge through an invisible marsh. 

Then after what felt like an eternity they were close enough to touch one another and Jack still wasn’t sure how to react. Was he supposed to hug Rhys? Kiss him? Give him one of those weird bro hand gestures? All too soon he was being spoken to and he had to bring himself to a level of consciousness that would allow him to respond. Mindlessly he passed over the beer he had purchased for the other male and stumbled over his words. “Uh… yeah it ‘as,” he said finally nodding, a goofy smile making its way across his face. “’ow… ‘ow are you? Wha’ brings ya ta London?” The Brit asked perking up and attempting to come up with some kind of small talk that would break the tension and stop him from breaking down and crawling into those strong, inviting arms.  

Honestly, Rhys wasn’t half as nervous as he thought he would be. He had the typical butterflies and was a little shaky, but Rhys was better now than he had been in a long time. Jack calmed some of those nerves. But he couldn’t produce answers fast enough and was grateful for the new drink given to him. By way of reply, Rhys grunted and motioned for them both to find a seat. If he had to stand any longer, his legs might wobble out from underneath him as he crumbled under intense pressure. Or at least that’s how it felt. 

Jack: Ur here!  Jack: I’ll be there Jack: Meet me at The Red Lion. It’s around the corner from there Jack: Be there in 15

Jack was panicking. It was a good panic of course, but nonetheless he honestly never thought he’d see Rhys again. Sure, he’d send him a drunken text once every few months, even a nude here and there, but the last time they’d seen one another he’d been on the other side of the world. Returning home hadn’t been easy, and it certainly hadn’t been worth it, but he figured once the damage was done there was no point in going back to New York. Rhys wouldn’t have wanted him to come back, right? I mean it’s not like he was in London just to see Jack. He was sure Rhys had other reasons for being in the city and he was just grateful Rhys actually wanted to see him. 

He took the quickest shower known to man, took way too long getting dressed, sent another text apologizing for running late, but of course blamed it on traffic and parking, and finally he was making his way into the pub, heart beating out of his chest. He hoped his nerves didn’t get the best of him. How was he even supposed to treat Rhys? He headed straight to the bar to get a drink, he’d certainly need one to get through this. He just hoped Rhys wouldn’t be offended he didn’t try and find him first. To make up for it he ordered two shots of whiskey with his lager, one for each of them. Drinks in hand he looked around for Rhys. 

Rhys replied with a universally hated ‘K’, but realizing his blunder, followed up with a few emojis of a smiley face, a beer mug and a party horn. They may have been trivial tools of the cyber world, but they were helpful in situations that made him feel anxious. Like now. Like being in London. For no reason other than to see Jack. 

Jack: Yeah im up

Jack: Wait what?

Jack: Ur here?

Jack: U can’t be here.

Jack: Ur just fucking with me lol

Rhys: WYD?

Rhys: U up?