Broken But Never Defeated (NOW ACTIVE AGAIN!!!)

Jack didn’t need to say what he was thinking because Rhys had been there about a thousand times before. With Joe. With Felix. With everyone who’s ever came and left from his life. It wasn’t the first time someone looked at him like that and for so long, and it surely wouldn’t be the last. He couldn’t help but steal glances at Jack, too. They were at a point now where too much time had passed and there wasn’t enough between them to work through the awkwardness. All he could do was pretend like he didn’t notice, or care, and carry on until it was time to say goodbye. Perhaps for the last time, perhaps not–time would tell. He cleared his throat and nodded. They didn’t have to toast to shit, just drink the liquor and let it numb them. 

One shot down, Rhys flagged down a waiter and ordered some more. He’d need to get pretty fucked up if he was going to work through this shit.  “Changing subject. Since you wont tell me about you. I’ll talk about me.” Beer sipped, he smiled.  “Apparently, being old and a drunk and an addict makes it so you can’t participate in MMA anymore. Who knew? So I gave that up. Now I teach it full time. And when I’m not doing that, I’m playing foster dad to homeless animals. So my house is literally a zoo. And when I’m not chasing pretty boys in London pubs, I’m taking pictures of cities and landscapes for a magazine my cousin is starting. Nothing spectacular or amazing, but, my life isn’t the complete train wreck you remember it to be. I think I have you to thank for a lot of that. In a way.” 

The shots were placed at the table and not a moment too soon. Rhys drank three of them back to back and motioned for the staff to keep them coming. If his memory served him correctly, Jack could hold his own. That was half of what they did together.  “So, what’s new with you? Feel like sharing anything? Or are you gonna’ be a lump on the log the whole time? Am I getting you at a bad time? Should I maybe have skipped London? Regret answering my text?” 

He felt terrible and knew that things were not going well. He didn’t realize how awkward everything would be between them not that so much time had passed. He just wanted it to be like it used to be, but it would never be like it used to be. Too much had happened since then and he knew it was his fault and that not wanting to talk about it now was also his fault, but he hadn’t been prepared for all of this. Of course the questions all made sense. It was logical that Rhys would ask, but just coming out with things and talking about feelings or even things that gave him feelings had never been one of his strong suits. He hoped the shot and several more would help. Jack was embarrassed, but he took his shot after Rhys and was glad to see that the other now seemed to be on the same page as him about the level of alcohol needed to continue this conversation.

His comment stung, but Jack couldn’t blame him and the Brit knew better than to expect different from his former lover. He listened intently, glad to hear that it seemed like Rhys had gotten himself together despite his setbacks. However, at the part referencing him, he didn’t really know how to feel. He wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or an insult and what he was supposed to say in response. Of course as soon as he was going to open his mouth to speak there were shots before them and Jack was happy to have them to occupy his mouth rather than trying to come up with words right away. He took two, one after the other, and was appreciative that there was more coming.

So far, Rhys was pretty glad he didn’t puss out on texting Jack, too. He was just shocked everything worked out the way that it did. And Jack seemed the same mix of nervous and excited which only eased his own uncertainties.  “So your reasons for coming back home didn’t pan out, huh? That really fuckin’ sucks, man. I know what that’s like though. Seems like my whole young-adult life was spent doing things for absolutely no reason in the end–it was exhausting.” Rhys took another drink of his beer to wash down the next question he wanted to ask; why didn’t Jack come back? But he decided he didn’t want to know the answer. Even more, he didn’t want to ruin the good vibes. 

The last few years had Rhys ebbing in and out of death and destruction. Since his divorce, he was a wreck. Drugs, liquor, sex with anyone who showed up on his doorstep. It was a dangerous life. But not long after Jack left, Rhys was forced into a rehab center where he learned new ways of getting by without resorting to dangerous behaviors. So by the time beer number two was finished, he eyed the full shot on the table and decided that after that was done, he would switch to water. At least for a little bit. Besides, it was a kind gesture for Jack to buy them and wait this long to down it. 

“What are we cheers’ing to? Reunited in the United Kingdom? Friends in low places? Sittin’ at a bar on the inside, waitin’ for our ride on the outside?” He was kidding, of course, playing with lines from songs he liked. But no matter what they toasted to, Rhys was just glad he wasn’t alone. 

How did he even begin to explain to Rhys everything that happened since he’d left? Did he even want to was really the better question. Couldn’t they just get wasted and fuck like they used to and pretend like there wasn’t this weird distance between them now all because he’d been stupid enough to believe he could do something to help his sisters? He didn’t want to talk to Rhys about it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. He supposed if there was anyone he would want to discuss it with, it would be Rhys, but he didn’t want this to turn into a let’s all pity Jack moment. He wanted this to be about them. Or maybe he just wanted everything to somehow go back in time to before he’d left. Was there a them? Did he want to be with Rhys? He wasn’t really sure of anything anymore other than knowing that he was now completely separated from anyone he used to call family and he was glad to see the man now sitting in front of him. “Yeah…” Was all he could say as he stared into his glass and absentmindedly swirled the liquid inside. This was the first time in a while he’d talked to anyone about his sisters and before he’d cut off the conversation before he had to give any reasoning for what had happened.

Finally he was drawn away from his thoughts by Rhys’s voice and he tried to shovel the brain weasels down and focus on the other. He put on a forced smile and laughed at the joke even though he didn’t get the reference. “Uh… ‘m jus’ ‘appy ta see ya mate,” he admitted with a nervous chuckle eyes finally moving to take the other in. Jack had missed that face so very much. So much so that seeing Rhys now actually pained him. It was almost easier thinking he’d never see his lover again. What happened after this? He had to be reminded all over again what a mistake he’d made and Rhys would go off to do whatever it was Rhys was doing now. Maybe it would have been better if Rhys hadn’t texted him. He never would have known and they could have gone on with their lives.

Honestly, Rhys wasn’t half as nervous as he thought he would be. He had the typical butterflies and was a little shaky, but Rhys was better now than he had been in a long time. Jack calmed some of those nerves. But he couldn’t produce answers fast enough and was grateful for the new drink given to him. By way of reply, Rhys grunted and motioned for them both to find a seat. If he had to stand any longer, his legs might wobble out from underneath him as he crumbled under intense pressure. Or at least that’s how it felt. 

“London…London was on the way to Ireland, Paris, maybe Italy? I haven’t exactly set up a map or itinerary, but, I got on a plane and it brought me here. After I found a place to stay for the night, I debated on messaging you. I was gonna’ leave you alone, you know, not bother you… but… You know me, Jack. I live to annoy.” Rhys flashed him a shit-eating grin and washed it all down with half his beer. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough and all Jack needed to know.  “How’s, uh–your sister, right? How’s things?” 

Jack followed Rhys’ lead, something he was quite accustomed to doing at this point, even if it had been some time. He didn’t even wait until his body was fully seated before he took to the beer in his slightly quivering hands. He should have smoked a spliff on the way over to calm himself. At this point he was sure he was playing catch up with Rhys. The beers in each of their hands weren’t going to last either of them very long and he regretted not getting a pitcher for them to share. By the time he placed the glass down on the table it was already a quarter gone. He would have taken the shot as well if he didn’t think it would be rude to do so without Rhys since that had been his intention.

As Rhys spoke he couldn’t help but question the other’s motive. It didn’t sound like he was in London for any particular reason at all, but then again maybe he just simply didn’t want to share his plans with Jack. After all, he didn’t exactly have the privilege to that information anymore. He was sure that if Rhys had actually been watching his face as he talked he’d notice the mixture of confusion and disappointment that was reflected upon hearing he nearly didn’t message him. He was glad that his former lover had of course, but he couldn’t exactly blame him for not immediately doing so. He had been the one who’d left and Jack had always known that Rhys would never really want him back. That didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt to hear that he’d almost been passed over. “Uh… well… ‘m glad ya did mate,” he said trying to hide his facial expression by putting on a smile at the joke and lifting his glass up for a moment to the other before placing it to his lips once more.

Hey all!

I know my responses have been kind of wonky the past month or so, I do apologize. I’m also just making sure that I’m not missing anything and everyone knows whose turn it is and what not.

To my knowledge, I believe the only person I owe is @the-hunter-of-teufort-rp with Conor and Johanna.

@askbigbrolucifer I responded to Fane and Gerald  @otherhalfmuses I responded to Jack and Dmitri @rhys-cassidy I just responded to Jack and Rhys

Rhys replied with a universally hated ‘K’, but realizing his blunder, followed up with a few emojis of a smiley face, a beer mug and a party horn. They may have been trivial tools of the cyber world, but they were helpful in situations that made him feel anxious. Like now. Like being in London. For no reason other than to see Jack. 

He found the bar with little trouble, parked his ass in a booth and blended in with the crowd. One shot, two shots, three–he switched to beer and checked around to see if he could spot a familiar face. And there he was. Rhys wasn’t nervous until Jack shared the same air. And when the moment was right, he talked himself out of his panic and finally made his way over.  “Been a long ass time,” he said, smile stretching from ear to ear. “How ya’ been, Jack?” 

His mind had been reeling through various emotions ever since he’d gotten the first text from Rhys, but as he watched his old lover approach it was as if all time had frozen. He suddenly felt like he had been inserted into one of those moments in a movie where they gave the actor tunnel vision and turned up the depth of field on the camera. Everything else melted around him and all he could see was Rhys. Of course the air had also been sucked out of his lungs and every step was now like trying to walk when he was on acid. He was no longer sure that the floor existed, but he somehow forced his legs to trudge through an invisible marsh. 

Dmitri bit his lip as he bottomed out into Jack, leaning down and kissing him again. Of course he had no idea what was going on inside of Jack’s head. He himself was trying not to think about how the other male was grabbing at him and hopefully not feeling the scars that covered his back. That was a conversation he was never ready to have… he didn’t like talking about where they came from. Or what happened to the man that gave them to him. This wasn’t the time to think about that.

He took a moment to let Jack adjust to his size before he started moving. He pumped his hips slowly, steadily at first. He tilted his head back, holding onto his hip a little tighter as he picked up the pace. “Fuck you feel so good…” He murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips to Jack’s neck, nipping and sucking at his skin.

He accepted the kiss eagerly, whimpering lightly into Dmitri’s lips, eyes fluttering shut. Jack clenched onto his hand, pushing his tongue into the other’s mouth to distract himself as his body adjusted. He was disappointed when their kiss was broken, but by that point he didn’t need the help, Dmitri was pumping into him and waves of sensation began to wash over him. 

Dmitri kissed him back as he spread him open with his fingers, adding a second one after a moment and scissoring them. He kissed his lips softly, moving his mouth up and down his jaw before he felt Jack was properly stretched. He bit his lip as he pulled his fingers out, squirting some more lube into his hand and spreading it all over his cock. “It’s okay… I got you…” He murmured, placing one hand on Jack’s hip to keep him steady, positioning himself at his entrance. “Just tell me if you need me to stop…” He told him, biting his lip as he slowly started pushing in. “Fuck…” He swore quietly, tilting his head back. Jack was so warm and tight around him. He eased his way into him, moaning softly.

As Dmitri continued to open him up he proceeded to whine and moan, and grab at the other male, stealing kisses where he could, and trying not to let his mind wander. The gentleness he was being shown almost made it more difficult for him not to think of the bad times. He’d never been shown this kind of consideration. The stark contrast was slightly upsetting. Not receiving it, but realizing he’d never been shown it by another male. He was used to things being rough and messy, the tenderness almost hurt him. 

He was surprised that Dmitri didn’t put a condom on, but he wasn’t going to complain. He was clean. At least he was the last time he checked. He was pretty sure he was clean. He’d never forgive himself if he gave Dmitri something because he was such a slut. At his words Jack shied away again, not really sure how to respond. “Jus’ fuck me,” he said breathlessly into the sheets, the desperation clear in his voice. Jack hoped that once things actually get started he wouldn’t feel so out of place. When it came down it Jack just simply didn’t feel he deserved to be treated like this. Not when it came to men fucking him at least, but really the feelings extended to most things. He was used to being treated like shit. He didn’t know anything else and it made him uncomfortable in a way.