💀 Rhey 💀

“I remember the first birthday of yours we’d spent together... It was awkward at first, the whole party was overwhelming with everyone smiling fakely and being over all weird... You had enough of those ‘imbeciles’ - as you called them – and took me back to our pent-house. The awkwardness continued as we watched some bullshit on the TV until I asked if you wanted to play some board games to relax... Surprisingly you agreed and it became our tradition. Every year on your or my birthday we played those silly games, sometimes switching up for console just to get back to the board ones instantly” 

You reminiscent while fiddling with your fingers nervously and looking at the ground. 

“I still have all of them” 

Homelander admitted quietly. 

“Would you like to play?... Dad?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched two times before a smile spread on his lips. 

“I’d love to” 

And that’s how you found yourself sitting opposite to your father, playing Guess the Hero and drinking the wine you brought. You were on the third round, previous two won by you, with Homelander being too determined to win at least once before going to another game. 

“Come ooon! It’s been almost ten minutes! Just ask anything!” 

You whined, throwing your head back onto the back rest, waiting for John to finally ask a question. 

“Don’t rush me” 

He mumbled angrily, he had to finally win even if it meant keeping you there till morning. 

“Is this supe super strong?” 

“Jesus Christ... It took you so long to ask this???” 

“Just answer the fucking question Y/N!” 

You rolled your eyes with an annoyed huff, crossing your arms and slumping into the pillows. 

“In a way...” 

“What the hell do you mean ‘in a way’!??” 

“They are super strong in some kind of way! I can’t tell you what way! That’d be hinting!” 

Homelander pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, before taking a deep breath and flashing you with his perfect teeth. 

“Alright... Now’s your turn” 

“Okay... Is your supe ginger?” 

The smile left his face as quick as it appeared as you asked your question. He flexed his jaw and nodded. You already knew his supe wasn’t a member of The Seven and with the new information you practically won – again – but decided to go easy on John and let him win.  

“So... How are you and Butcher doing?” 

Homelander asked to get you occupied while he thought of another question. 

“I don’t want to talk about this...” 

Your sight dropped to the board in front of you, specifically to The Deep’s picture, somehow his face made you lose a couple braincells and all your thoughts every time you looked at it. 

“Come on Helios, you can tell your old man” 

You let out a heavy sigh. Maybe spilling your guts out to someone wasn’t a bad idea... It would have been better if it was Marvin who confronted you on that topic, but your father had to do as for right now. 

“He’s been avoiding me for past months and suddenly he showed up at my job wanting help – as always. And what stupid I did? I paid him a fucking visit... Surprisingly he opened up to me, not too much but still. We had.....”  

You trailed off, thinking of another word to call it.  

“Sex, I know” 

“What?” 

You frowned, straightening your posture and giving him a confused look. Homelander looked up from the board in front of him, he seemed a little startled. 

“He didn’t tell you?” 

“Tell me what?” 

You raised your brow in curiosity. 

“I was there. Came in before you finished. Decided to wait outside for you to be done then had a little chat with Butcher after you fell asleep” 

“You watched us have sex?!” 

You shifted in your place uncomfortably, crossing your legs on the couch and gripping the pillow you were hugging. 

“I didn’t watch you per se. I just saw a brief part of it” 

He shrugged as if it was nothing. 

“Besides, it’s not the first time. I think I don’t have to remind you” 

The man waved his hand dismissing the topic and signalling for you to continue. You shook your head in disbelief and continued, despite being curious of their late-night conversation. 

“Anyway... After that night I thought we could be at least fiends again. But Butcher is Butcher, if you get under his skin even accidentally, he’ll hold the grudge forever... So, the next morning we went back to square one and he was a dick again... “ 

Tears started to gather in your eyes, but you kept on talking. 

“And I feel like such a slut for letting him use me like that... I’m bringing him my heart on a golden plate every fucking time, just for him to crush it like a cockroach... “ 

Your grip on the pillow tightened, the seams threatening to burst on either side if you kept on squishing it. 

“But no matter how horrible he treats me I can’t stop coming back... I’m such a fucking loser” 

Finally, the threads ripped and feathers spilled from the dark blue fabric while tears started to run down your cheeks. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake...” 

Homelander sighed annoyed at how sensitive and full of emotions you were. If he didn’t have any proof, he would never think you were his daughter looking solely at your behaviour. But deep inside of his gut a weird feeling appeared, one that made him scooch to the middle of the couch and pull you into his arms. 

 “Come on... It’s not worth to cry over him” 

He cooed, pressing your face against his chest while you sniffed into his uniform, staining the fabric with tears and makeup. 

“Great... I’ll have to get it cleaned...” 

He thought, huffing irritated and unintentionally tightening the grip on the back of your head. Feeling his strength, you pushed away – just in case – and wiped your eyes with the corner of his cape.  

“Sorry...” 

You mumbled, ashamed you came apart in front of him like that, revealing your weakness for Butcher.  

“Do you love him?” 

John asked, grabbing your free hand and giving it a now gentle squeeze. You fell silent for a moment, pondering on the question as if the man in front of you even cared about your answer and feelings.  

“I... I-I don’t know...” 

You revealed. Because you really didn’t know anymore. When you first met you did have a fat crush on him, then he decided to ruin it by entangling you into his supe killing hobby and eventually cutting himself away after you saved his life. All that just to come back when he needed help again. You thought then that all feelings of affection to the brute had dissolved from your system, but oh how wrong you were. They reappeared when he apologized to you after Hughie blew up Translucent, holding your hair while you puked your guts out – you remembered that day very well. After you had sex at Believe EXPO you believed there really was something between you and maybe it would escalate if only you didn’t go to the Vought tower that day and got yourself kidnapped... But even if you didn’t, William still wasn’t over Rebecca so your fling might have as well just remained a fling... When you disappeared, Butcher didn’t even try to find you, leaving it to MM who unfortunately didn’t succeed. Then he found out you were Homelander’s daughter and had a little brother. He was furious, he didn't want to know you, and you couldn’t blame him... His hatred for both of you only grew when Ryan killed Rebecca and you didn’t manage to save her. But, through all that time, the whole loneliness, the feeling of being forgotten, all the slurs he had called you, your heart never stopped beating for him, and it won’t stop until your last breath. Every average Kowalski would tell you that’s love, a fucked up one but love nonetheless... But you still didn’t feel like it was... You thought of it more like a sick obsession. Who of healthy mind would keep on loving a person like Butcher? With everything he did and said?...  

“You either do or don’t” 

John interrupted your train of thoughts. You didn’t even notice when he let go of your hand and made his way back to his place in front of the board. You shook your head, getting yourself out of your thought and leaning back against the couch. You decided not to continue the conversation, you had made enough of a fool of yourself in front of your father already.  

“Is your supe... Smart?” 

He continued the game. 

“Yes... Very smart...” 

You said, giving him a hint to finally get the round over with. 

“Alright! Your supe’s Mindstorm!”  

“Yes it is! Congrats!” 

You said with fake happiness, clapping your hands and smiling brightly. For a moment Homelander saw his little Helios sit in front of him once again. His perfect sunshine of a daughter who he wished to nominate the 2nd of The Seven or even his co-captain in the future. Oh, what wonderful times those were... But you had to ruin it by being noisy... By being stronger than him...  

“Tell me... Why did my daughter end up on the wrong side of the war? “ 

He asked and by the look on his face you figured the question bugged him for a longer while.  

“I have been brought up to this world and raised by a wonderful woman” 

You started carefully.  

“She taught me how to be a good hum-... Person, to love your neighbour, to be nice to every living creature, and most importantly how to distinguish evil from good... Then Maeve came along. She – on the other hand – taught me how to be strong, independent, ready to fight-“ 

“Just get to the point” 

John huffed annoyed by your stretching.  

“My point is that thanks to all of that I believe I am on 'the right side of the war'. And I believe if mom was still alive... If you haven’t left, you could benefit from it too” 

You explained, trying to put it as simple and soft as possible.  

“I do wish she was still with us... I know she would understand me like no one else” 

You sighed at your father’s delusion wondering what mom was as a teen, when they were together, believing with your whole heart she was just as good as when she had you.  

“Alright... I should be going, it’s late” 

You raised from the couch and cleaned up the game from the glass coffee table. 

“Oh, come on. It’s still early. We have time for another game” 

Homelander tried encouraging you to stay, he really enjoyed the time you’d spent together.  

“Dad... I really have to go... I have work tomorrow morning. Can’t be late or come in looking like a zombie...” 

“Pfft! Work!” 

You didn’t react at his comment, throwing away the empty bottles of wine and gathering your bag from the carpet. 

“Oh right! I almost forgot!” 

Turning on your heel to face him one last time you fished a rolled piece of paper out of your bag and handed it to him.  

“I convinced Ryan to make something for you... I hope you’ll like it” 

Giving him a soft smile you left his pent-house, stopping by Maeve’s to have a quick chat about the temp V before escaping the tower unnoticed.  

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“Butcher! “ 

Ryan shouted happily, running up to the man and hugging him tightly, almost picking him up with how strong he was.  

“Bloody death grip you got there “ 

William chuckled patting the boy's shoulder so he would let him go. A soft smile spread on your lips as you left the house and noticed their interaction. You were surprised how good they got along after everything that happened. It made you wonder if Billy forgave Ryan... But knowing him he didn’t and never would.  

After leaving Butcher's place the previous day you had a feeling The Boys would stop by the hideout after their meeting, so you decided to wait there for them instead of popping by their office. And you were right.  

“Come on! Y/N made a Cottage Pie! “ 

The boy said, grabbing Butcher’s hand and dragging him inside the house.  

“She's an amazing cook! “ 

“I'm not” 

You whispered to the man as they passed you by in the entrance, but he knew better. He still remembered the many delicious dishes you had treated him with before almost every mission back in the day.  

“We need to have strength to kick their asses, eh? “ 

You used to say with a gentle smile.  

“ ‘m not really hungry though” 

“Come oooon! At least try! “ 

Ryan urged when they sat down in the kitchen.  

“Don't want to get some kind of poisoning” 

“If I wanted to poison you, I'd do that a long time ago” 

You bit back quietly but in a harsh tone making Ryan look at you both in confusion and a tiny bit of sadness. Somehow, he was convinced you got along... Butcher noticed his look and sighed, agreeing reluctantly. You put a full plate in front of the man, along with a glass of compote and he grudgingly started to stab the meal with the fork. When he finally put a piece in his mouth Ryan was quick to ask what he thought. Butcher had to bit back a moan, the pie almost tasted the same as his mother’s bringing back the good memories of his childhood.  

“ ‘s okay” 

“Just okay?... “ 

Ryan slumped in the chair, he was expecting at least something along “amazing “ or “fantastic “, as if he made the meal himself.  

“Could've been betta. More spices “ 

“How about you make something yourself next time, hm? “ 

You proposed, gripping his shoulder and looking down at him. He raised his green eyes at you with a look that said “y'know well I'd die if it wasn’t for the pre prepared meals”. 

“That's what I thought “ 

Patting his shoulder you pushed away from him and leaned your back against the kitchen counter, watching as he ate. 

Somehow, the scene felt right to William, he felt like at home in the simple kitchen, with you and Ryan next by, eating the food you had cooked. Only Grace's voice pulled him out of his head, reminding him why he actually came there. He quickly finished the pie and compote and left the kitchen without thanking.  

You sent Ryan to play with Kimiko while you cleaned the plates, squishing the sponge tightly as you thought about Butcher.  

“That motherfucker... Had to take the fucking V again... “ 

You groaned under your nose. You noticed the green liquid in his system the moment he walked out of the car but decided not to mention it around your brother. It was foolish to think he would listen to you and stop taking it. Though you wondered what he used it for this time. Once you were done you joined the group in the living room, listening in on their conversation.  

“Hold that thought” 

Butcher stopped Grace after a while, getting up from the chair he was sitting in and leaving to use the bathroom. You exhaled, knowing well what he was about to do.  

“You’re so stupid” 

You whispered, squishing through the bathroom door before he managed to close them and locking them behind yourself.  

“Why can’t ya just fuck off “ 

He grunted and washed his face with cold water after the pie you’ve made left his system.  

“Cause someone has to stop you from killing yourself “ 

Taking a towel you were about to wipe his face when his lasers started to twitch out of nowhere.  

“Shit... How do I... “ 

“A-alright, just calm down “ 

You tried to calm him down, rubbing your hand on his back, but it didn’t seem to work.  

“Make it... Make it stop... “ 

The man begged, his voice slightly cracking at the faint pain between his eyelids, your heart breaking at the sound. If that wasn’t enough, Ryan sensed something was wrong and went to check on William. 

“Butcher? Are you okay?...” 

You kept quiet as the man answered, trying to shoo your brother away.  

“Do you need any help?” 

“Don’t- Don’t come in!” 

The man shook his head, closing his eyes – which was a big mistake, as he burnt his eyelids – just to open them a second after. 

“Billy look at me” 

You whispered once Ryan seemed to walk away, grabbing his cheeks and trying to force his face in your direction without harming him. 

“No... No... Don’t want to hurt ya” 

“You won’t, silly, just look at me” 

The man eventually let you move his head, a tear run down his cheek as he gazed at you through the blurry orange vision. You wiped it away and stroked his skin making him do a breathing exercise with you to calm him down. Your attempts worked and soon the lasers faded away. William rested his forehead against yours in relief, finally able to close his eyes. His breathing was deep, gradually slowing down to an even rhythm as you kept on rubbing circles into his skin.  

“It’s alright... Everything’s alright” 

You assured quietly placing a soft kiss on top of his nose. You wanted to bawl him out so bad for what he was doing to himself, but doing it with Ryan and everyone else in the same place wasn’t a good idea so you opted for a disapproving look.  

“Go, they’re gonna be suspicious” 

You said after a short while, pushing the man away from yourself. He gave you that sad puppy look of his before leaving the bathroom, immediately getting jumped by Ryan.  

“Are you sick?” 

“No, no. Told ya’ your sister wants to poison me. The pie went straight through me” 

You shook your head hearing Butcher’s excuse, fighting not to let out a chuckle. Unfortunately, as befits a super, smart boy, Ryan kept on questioning him. 

“It’s not just your stomach, though... Your heart’s racing, I can hear it... And your blood smells funny too” 

The boy titled his head worriedly, trying to figure out what was going on with the man in front of him.  

“Don’t ya worry son” 

Butcher just ruffled his hair and walked back to the living room, leaving concerned and confused Ryan behind. You left the bathroom shortly after, unnoticed by anyone, especially Ryan who mingled around in search for you. 

“Y/N?” 

He asked, just when you were about to re-enter the living room. 

“What is it?” 

“Is Butcher okay?” 

The boy started to fiddle with his fingers nervously, looking up at you with unease behind his orbs.  

“He’s alright, why?” 

He told you what he observed, and you fought the urge to sigh and give away that something was in fact wrong with William. You crouched in front of your brother and took his shaking hands in yours. 

“Billy is a strong man. If there really is something not right with him, he’ll be fine anyway. He always is. You don’t have to worry, leave that to me” 

You squeezed his hands and gave him a gentle smile while the boy nodded reluctantly.  

“Alright, now go. I’m sure Kimiko will blow up unless you go back to her quickly” 

Getting up you patted his shoulder and gently pushed in the direction of the main door, where Kimiko awaited his return on the porch so they could keep on playing.  

You came back just in time to hear Butcher’s heated, one on one conversation with Grace. 

“You are your father. Always have been” 

The older woman said at the end, making William storm out of the living room and house visibly pissed off. You shoot Grace a confused look before following after the angry man.  

“Billy-” 

“Fuck off” 

You tried to stop him before he did something stupid, grabbing his arm, but the man quickly pulled it away without even looking at you. It was very visible Grace’s words hurt him bad. A few minutes earlier it seemed like he was going to melt in your embrace and now he suddenly turned back to stone. 

“Butcher, wait! Where are you going?” 

Ryan run after the man, trying to keep up with his big steps. 

“We’ve got work to do” 

“When will I see you again?” 

“You won’t, ain’t safe for ya” 

The man clenched his fists, fixating his sight at anything but the boy beside him, trying to reach the car as fast as possible. But Ryan stopped him, blocking his way and slightly pushing him back.  

“You said you’d always watch out for me! You promised!” 

You saw how Ryan’s blood pressure raised, how his heart started to beat faster, and run up to them in fear he would accidentally hurt Butcher. 

“Ryan let him go...” 

You urged, grabbing his shoulders and gently tugging at them, but the boy ignored you. You could have just picked him up and carry him back inside, but you were worried he would throw an even bigger tantrum and blow up. 

“I won’t let him!” 

Ryan cried out, almost crushing Billy’s arm. 

“Well maybe I don’t want to look at you! After what you done to your mother... Did you ever think about that?!” 

The man finally burst out, spitting venom at the poor boy. You knew a day would come when Billy would say that to Ryan, but you didn’t think it would come so early. Disbelief stained your face as you gazed between them. Ryan let go of Butcher, his lip quivered as he lowered his sight, ripping off the medallion he gave him, throwing it onto the grass and sprinting to the house.  

“How could you...?” 

“Just... Just shut up...” 

William whispered, giving you a soft and apologizing look, knowing well how disappointed you were in him.  

“I won’t! The boy admired you and you said something like this?! I know that’s the truth, but you can’t... You just can’t say stuff like that! He didn’t mean to! That was a fucking accident! He’s just a child...” 

You shouted, shoving him back and hitting his chest. The man stood in place, taking every hit, he deserved them after all. Although he was surprised you didn’t snap him in half. He could see how much you cared about Ryan and knew what you were capable of, so you just hitting him without much force was odd.  

“You’re not better than Homelander...” 

Was the last thing you said before walking away, stabbing his heart and ego with a sharp knife. But he deserved that, he was fully aware of it. After The Boys left you tried to talk with Ryan about the whole situation, convince him that Butcher didn’t really mean it and that he said those things because he was angry. But the boy locked himself up in his temporary room, crying himself to sleep, and you didn’t want to force the conversation.  

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“We’re going to Russia” 

“MM, it’s the middle of the night... What the hell are you talking about?” 

You murmured into the microphone after picking up the call, rolling over to lay on your stomach and turning on the night lamp. After the uneventful meeting at Grace’s all you wanted was a long, good night sleep, but apparently you couldn’t afford it. 

“We’ve got a track the weapon that killed Soldier Boy might be there, need to check it. Everything's set, we’re leaving tomorrow morning” 

“Bunch of suicidal morons...” 

You mumbled pinching the bridge of your nose in disbelief.  

“I know, I know... But we finally have a chance to kill your father. Isn’t that what you want?” 

The man was right and you hated it. You hated they were ready to risk their own lives and potentially lives of innocent people just to kill your father. But then again... That was your goal for the past years and with the weapon that killed Soldier Boy in your hands you could finally reach it. You sighed, covering your eyes with your arm and asking. 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because Butcher’s a pussy who’s scared of you after what he’d done to Ryan. But we could use another supe, just in case” 

“But-” 

You were about to slip out about the temp V, before biting your tongue and nodding. 

“Alright... I’ll be there. Just send me the address. Ain’t no way I’m boarding a 10-hour plane ride with that asshole” 

And with that you hung up. 

“Oh God... Why am I doing this to myself?...” 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

After a long flight that Butcher was fortunate enough to sleep through, The Boys landed in Russia. They packed in the car Little Nina’s people left for them and headed to an empty gas station.  

“Jesus fucking Christ...” 

Butcher jumped slightly at your sight after walking inside the station and turning the lights on. 

“Oh that’s new! Didn’t knew you were scared of me” 

You teased, spinning a knife - you’ve found lying around - on your finger. 

“The fuck you doing here” 

“Took you long enough. I’ve managed to do a reconnaissance and take a decent nap, and I left US 9 hours after you” 

You said, completely ignoring the man’s question, getting up from the worn-out couch you’ve been sitting on and helping Kimiko with her bag.  

“I asked her to come. Just in case” 

MM confided, passing by Butcher and tossing his bag onto the old couch.  

“You sure no one saw you?” 

Marvin asked concerned, crossing his arms over his chest. Some country labelling you as UFO was the last thing they needed. 

“I’m sure, dontcha worry pops! Anyway, I located the lab. Not too far. Old security and power system. A couple guards. Easy to get into, bit harder to escape” 

You said before William managed to open his mouth and start a fight with Marvin. You could feel his blood boil as you spoke.  

“Great! We still have one more thing to do, though” 

He shoot you an annoyed smile which you reciprocated with a sweet one and an innocent bat of eyelashes.  

“What is it?” 

You asked puzzled. You found out everything you needed to continue with your operation, yet there was suddenly something more to do? 

“We just gotta do a tiny job for Little Nina” 

“Who-” 

“Just some local oligarch who got in her bad books. Piece of cake! Kimiko will just walk in and walk out” 

Butcher turned to face the woman in question, grinning at her like a lunatic.  

“Sorry love! Victim of your own success! You’ll be the wanker’s pro girl for the night. Just get in there, give the cunt a good noose, and get the fuck out. Easy-peasy” 

“I’m not your fucking gun” 

Kimiko shoved her phone into William’s face with the text in bold letters indicating her irritation. You stepped up to them, putting your hand on her shoulder before she would jump the man. 

“I’ll go with you. Two hookers are better than one, no?” 

You said in an attempt to calm down her nerves and let her know you’ve got her back. Besides, it would be more efficient if you went together, God knew how many guards the oligarch had, and if one of you got hurt the other could deescalate the situation in meanwhile.  

“No” 

Butcher protested sternly, frowning deeply at your stupid idea. 

“Why not?” 

You questioned, quirking your brow at the man towering over you.  

“Because I said so” 

“That’s a shitty reason” 

“Exactly! Why can’t Mademoiselle Lune go but Kimiko must go?” 

Frenchie chimed in just as puzzled as his female friends. Both you and Kimiko were right for the job, then why didn’t Butcher want to let you go? 

“Cause I fuckin said so. In case ya forgot... I tell you what to do and you fuckers do it” 

William turned on his heel and left to the backroom, but you weren’t going to give up so easily, following after him momentarily.  

“Y/N fuck off” 

“No, I won’t. Why are you so stubborn? It’s just another usual mission and I’ve been to plenty!” 

“Why are you so stubborn, eh?” 

He stopped in his tracks, piercing you with his dark gaze. You closed the door behind yourself, so the rest won’t hear you ripping the permission out of him. 

“Because I want to help my friend” 

“Oh, how congenial of you!” 

He laughed, rummaging through his bag in search of the guns he brought. The more you pushed the more you noticed the pulsing vein on his forehead and how his blood pressure spiked, letting you fathom out the possible reason of his behaviour.  

“Are you... Jealous?” 

The man fell silent, gripping the gun he was holding, then burst out in loud laughter tossing the weapon onto the table in front of him. 

“Ahh... Didn’t realize ya’re a comedian, sweetheart” 

“I’m serious Billy! Are you refusing to let me go because you don’t want me to doll up for another man? Or does the fact some filthy guy will probably touch me irritate you? If so, why do you even fucking care!? You pretend you’re not interested but when a thought of me and some dude crosses your mind you’re suddenly territorial! I never thought you would let your feelings cloud your head on a mission” 

“You done?” 

He asked annoyed and tired of your disobedience, trying his best not to show you were right. The only thought of you posing as a hooker made his blood boil, you were too good for that and there was no world where he would let you do it. 

“No, I'm not done. Talking your ear off is my specialty, you know that well” 

You kept on blabbering about why he should let you go, like a determined teenager begging her parents to let her go to a concert with friends, eventually tipping him over the edge. 

“Yes, I’m jealous! Happy!?” 

He admitted in a tone that would make it sound like a lie when it wasn’t, so you would finally shut up.  

“Very. Now stop making a big deal of me joining Kimiko and I’ll fuck off” 

“I won’t. Because I can’t let any other man see you in skimpy clothes... I can’t let random blokes think they can have their way with you. Can’t let anyone think they can have ya, even for one night... Jesus Moonie what can'tcha understand?! “ 

Butcher groaned, putting slow steps to stand right in front of you, grab your waist and pull you to his chest.  

“I just try to protect ya. Do I ask for a lot?” 

His voice softened and his head tilted to the side.  

“I can protect myself better than you, so yes. You do ask for a lot. A few days earlier you indicated you don’t want me, yet now you behave like you have me” 

Putting your hands on his chest you bawled the fabric of his Hawaiian shirt into your palms, breathing in his intoxicating smell and staring into his gorgeous peepers.  

“Because I don’t want you. Ya hitched on me like a leech so I use it”  

Billy hissed, digging his fingers into your sides as his stare darkened.  

“You’re too valuable to lose... But don’t confuse it with somethin it ain’t” 

One of his hands left your hip to brush his thumb down your cheek. You lowered your gaze, letting go of his shirt and forcing yourself away. For a brief second you thought he might confess something meaningful, heartwarming, anything... But what did you expect? It was Billy after all, with his walls higher and thicker than the Chinese one.  

“I'm going with Kimiko either you like it or not” 

You whispered, hurt tinting your words, leaving the man alone. Butcher stood like frozen, his brain slowly processing the whole interaction, sending a wave of rage through his system. He grabbed the empty beer bottle laying right next to his gun and threw it at the wall, then leaned against the table and slumped his head between his shoulders.  

“Don’t confuse it with somethin it ain’t” 

The man said, when in reality it was what you could confuse your relationship and his behaviour with. He was clingy - he knew that, yet he couldn’t help himself, especially when you let him. He wanted to have you all to himself, but that was wrong. Not because you were a supe - Homelander’s daughter at that - he couldn’t care less anymore, but because he saw how he affected you and your life. When he wasn’t around you seemed happy, content with your routines and peace – he saw it. What you didn’t know is that after he left the first time, he kept on watching you through your window at times, to make sure you were alright. Same thing after Becca died. He might have been angry at you, not want to keep any contact, but he just couldn’t fight the need to see you, to know how you were doing. That’s how he knew where you were working, with whom you were working, for who you were working... It was creepy, he knew that, that’s why you would never find out, he’d make sure. On the other hand, when he was around you were constantly on high alert, unable to relax even for a moment, often angry because of him – and he hated that. He hated that you couldn’t catch a break, constantly being forced to watch out for him and others, to save people if there was a need. And then came your father that hammered the final nail into his coffin. 

“She could have anyone, yet she chose a pathetic wreck of a man” 

William remember his words well. He could swear they didn’t affect him a bit, but that would be a lie. He run a hand through his beard, then up his hair and pushed off the table, turning to his bag to keep on unpacking. He couldn't afford thinking of it and beating himself up in that moment.  

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Eventually, after a deep conversation with MM about his behaviour Butcher let you go with Kimiko, although ‘let’ was too much said. He just didn’t say anything when you changed into one of the available dressed left by little Nina, turning his sight away, and when you left with the woman and Frenchie.  

“If only Monsieur Charcutier could, he'd eat you like a snack~” 

Frenchie teased, trying to lighten up the thick atmosphere in the van as he drove you to the mansion, indicating he noticed the tension between you and Billy. And if he noticed the rest did too, which you didn’t like.  

“He was fighting not look at you, in that skimpy attire. I’m sure all kinds of sensual activities filled his mind~” 

“Frenchie can you just-... Shut up...” 

You huffed angrily, leaning your back against the cold metal of the car and looking away from the driver. 

“Je suis désolé” 

The man snickered before his face turned to stone as you approached the mansion. The guard let you inside and Frenchie parked in front.  

“Be careful...” 

The man reminded with worry. He wouldn’t forgive himself if anything happened to either of you, but especially Kimiko. Not that it would considering who – or rather what – you were, but better safe than sorry. You jumped out of the van and corrected your dresses, then stepped up to the bodyguard standing by the main entrance.  

“Irina? Katya?” 

You nodded with a soft smile as the man looked you up and down, his sight lingered a little too long on your exposed cleavage. Little Nina left you a huge choice of cover up outfits – a silver, micro, sparkling dress with long sleeves and a black, micro one with halter shaped top and a deep neckline almost reaching the belly button. Of course, as a good friend you put on the second one, not wanting Kimiko to feel uncomfortable. And maaaaybe because you wanted to piss Butcher off a little, just a little. 

The man let you inside and guided you to his bosses’ sex chamber. Inside, you looked with worry and compassion at the poor sex workers taking drugs, feeling bad they were forced to that kind of work for the pig in front of you. The oligarch motioned for you to join him, standing between you two and showing you his collection of The Seven inspired dildos.  

“Ladies... It’s time for presents! Pick and choose!” 

He smiled down at each of you, squeezing your butt cheeks. Biting your lower lip, you gazed at Kimiko with a spark of excitement behind your striking eyes, but the woman just pressed her lips into a thin line, disgusted by the man and his toys.

 He walked away for a moment, and you were quick to catch the vibratos and attack the men. Kimiko immediately got rid of the oligarch and you launched at the bodyguards with toys in both of your hands. Sure, you could just use your lasers, but where’s the fun in that? 

The scarred women cried and shouted in the background, but you were too busy to pay them any mind. You stabbed one of the men right into his eye while the other shoot at you. That is, until Kimiko jumped on his back, distracting him and breaking his neck. His limp body slumped to the ground right next to his friend’s whom you threw down and stomped his head seconds after. 

Your sharp heel collided with his skull, crushing it with ease. You kicked it a couple more times, seemingly unable to stop until Kimiko pulled you away. Breathing heavily, you looked down at the two men beneath you while your friend took a photo of the dead oligarch as a proof for Nina of a job well done.

Just when you were about to turn around and signal to Kimiko it’s time to leave, you heard a gunshot. Whipping your head around you noticed one of the sex workers holding the gun in question, pointing it at Kimiko who splayed on the ground with an ugly hole in her head.

Even though you knew she would get up within seconds, fury still filled your system and you clenched your fists, frowning at the blonde woman and slowly walking up to her. She tried to kill you too, shooting at your chest in fear before she run out of ammo. Once you were in front of her, you grabbed her neck, slightly raising her off the ground and making the gun fall out of her hand.

While Kimiko regenerated you slowly put more pressure on the poor woman’s organ, depriving her of the so needed oxygen. When Kimiko woke up, seeing what you were doing, she was quick to act and save the hooker. She put her hand on your arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze and sending you a soft smile. She knew well a gentle and calm approach was the best in that situation.

Feeling Kimiko’s hand on your skin you let the woman go, dropping her to the ground.  

“Sorry...” 

You whispered to all the women - even though they couldn’t understand you - and Kimiko before you run out of the mansion and jumped back into the van. 

“And?” 

Frenchie asked instantly, quickly driving away from the place of crime.  

“We got the photo” 

Kimiko answered briefly, looking behind her shoulder at you sitting in the back, furiously scraping away the blood that stained your skin. Your behaviour worried her, but she decided to let you calm down before confronting you about it – she didn’t want you to become so ruthless as your father, but she blamed Butcher and his influence for it.

Once you arrived at the gas station you practically flew out of the car and made your way to the bathroom to clean yourself. To your surprise, when you walked in you were met with a sight of Butcher preparing the temp V to inject into himself. His eyes snapped to you the moment he heard you barge in, checking you out and holding back a groan of desire.  

“Billy... You don’t have to do this...” 

You tried to reason with the man as he held the syringe full of the green liquid. You slowly slipped it out of his grasp and put it aside, grabbing his cheeks and making him look at you.  

“How many times do I have to say that?...” 

“Till I’m dead...” 

Sighing heavily you lowered your bloody hands, but Billy caught them mid-air and placed them back on his skin. The man closed his eyes, leaning his face into one of your palms and taking a deep breath. 

“Ya really need to stop fighting me... You’ll wear yarself out... It’s not worth it... I’m not worth it” 

“Don’t say that... Sure, you are a piece of shit- an annoying piece of shit” 

You started, eliciting a low chuckle from within his chest. 

“But you deserve someone to worry and care about you... No matter how horrible you are...” 

“Ya deserve someone to worry bout you too, yet ya don’t let me” 

You frowned as he called you a hypocrite. 

“That’s different” 

“How so?” 

“Cause you worry about me just because I’m useful to you – you said it yourself, not because you actually care bout me. And I do care about you Billy” 

The man sighed, closing his eyes for a split second before lowering your palms off his skin. He turned you to the sink and turned on the water, so he could wash the blood off your skin. All that just not to continue the uncomfortable topic. 

“Let’s get those clean” 

Billy whispered gently, taking the used-up sponge that laid next to the tap and putting some soap on top of it. He pressed the scrubber to the back of your hand and drew slow and thorough circles until the stains went away. He repeated the motion all over your body, wherever you had someone else’s blood, then rinsed the soap off and dried you. 

“Thanks” 

You said quietly, now sitting on the sink and admiring him. Billy swore you were just a useful object to him, yet he tended you so carefully.  

“I visited Homelander for his birthday...” 

You exclaimed finally, after a while of silence. He had a right to know, you wanted him to know. 

“You did what?!” 

Billy rasped out, boring his eyes into yours looking for a logical answer.  

“I-... He’s a horrible person, but he’s still my father and I-... I know that was stupid and that he could’ve hurt me, but he didn’t. We played some board games, talked, had fun and for a moment... For a moment I thought that I could change him. That maybe it’s not necessary to kill him... I tried to care about him like I care about you. But then he said that if mom was still alive, she would surely be on his side... My mother who was never a fan of supes and didn’t want to raise me to become one, would be on his side? Sure... I then realised he completely lost it, and there’s no cure, even my empathy. But there is a cure for you Billy. And we don’t need you all drugged up to retrieve it. So please... For the 100th time I beg you, stop taking this shit” 

Butcher’s gaze softened as he listened to you. Unfortunately, you were right, but he was too deep into the whole ordeal already. Fury clouded his mind, unabling him to see he was becomig what he most resented.  

“Y/N you don’t understand...” 

“Then explain it to me” 

You urged, eager to get his point of view. Instead of an immediate answer you felt his plump lips on yours, his big hands squishing the plush of your thighs.  

“Told ya already I feel useless... “ 

He mumbled into the kiss.  

“And I have a feeling it’s not just about that. Come on Billy... You can tell me” 

Butcher flexed his jaw as you pushed him away, looking down for a brief moment then redirecting his gaze back at you, frustration painted all over his face. 

“I’m fed up with you constantly saving my ass, alright?! I’m a man for God’s sake! I should be able to protect myself, you, Ryan, Becca... Instead, I have to rely on a bastard of my fucking enemy! It’s annoying! It’s annoying to have to wait for ya to come and protect me like a freakin baby!... The feeling of infirmity is so... Is so... Ugh!” 

You pulled him into another kiss to calm his mind at least a little. Breaking away, you pet his hair to try and keep him collected as the steam coming from his ears gradually disappeared.  

“I get it Billy, I really do. But you were doing so good without this - without me - for so long. You could keep it up if you really wanted... But you’re so driven by hatred and anger you could not care less anymore, as long as Homelander’s dead. Even if it meant risking your own life... You keep on blaming me for everything but maybe it’s time to look at yourself and your huge ego, to take a step back and rethink your decisions, to stop taking the temp V... And to listen to me!” 

You hit the back of Billy’s head as you noticed he zoned out by the end. That man was unbelievable... You were pouring your heart and mind out to him and he wasn’t even listening! The audacity...  

“Gosh... Why do you have to be so difficult!” 

You punched his chest as he laughed stupidly. It only showed you the lack of respect he had for you and that no matter what you did or said, he would always see you as lesser than him just because you were a supe. What a hypocrite...  

“Ya’re adorable” 

“And you’re stupid” 

Hissing out you tried sliding off the metal, but Butcher blocked you with his broad body, capturing your lips into yet another gentle kiss.  

“I’m trying to understand you- to help you- but you- Billy!” 

You pushed him away and tried to talk, but he closed the gap between you every time you opened your mouth. 

“ ‘m trying to discourage you from myself. God woman, what can’t you understand” 

William bit your bottom lip, shooting you a piercing look. For a man who wanted you to hate him, he was very clingy, too clingy...  

“Then stop kissing me” 

You finally decided to use more of your strength and forced him away, making him stumble back. 

“If you want me to despise you, why do you keep on initiating physical contact? Why do you feel the need to touch and kiss me?” 

You asked with an exasperated and tired huff. 

“I told ya already. You complain I don’t listen to ya but you don’t seem to listen to me either. You let me, so I use it. Plus, it’s the only thing that makes you shut up” 

Butcher admitted. Suddenly, Hughie walked in. 

“Shit- Sorry, I-” 

The young man attempted to leave and close the door, but Butcher kept them open, forcing him inside seeing an opportunity to lose the old topic and start a new one. You shook your head, finally getting off the sink and leaving the two men alone.

You knew you couldn’t stop Billy from making the horrible decision, so fighting him was pointless. It’s not like he cared about your opinion anyway. You could destroy every millilitre of V and temp V in the world, yet he would still find a way to get a flask and inject it into his system.  

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Just as you predicted breaking into the lab was a child’s play. What you didn’t foresee though, was the weird feeling that pierced your body the moment you entered. You followed Butcher and MM down the flight of stairs, the rest of the group jogging behind you until you stopped, inducing Hughie bumping into you.  

“I can feel him...” 

You mumbled to yourself, forcefully squeezing by the two men and running into the room you were heading to. Scratching the back of your neck you scanned the space, your eyes quickly landing on the huge cryo tube standing by the wall on your right.  

“It’s him” 

MM gave you a worried and confused look, watching you run up to the tube and gaze at it in amazement. 

“What is this?...” 

Hughie asked, walking up and lighting the metal with his flashlight. 

“Soldier Boy” 

The alarms started blasting before the group could react, forcing them to scatter and hide behind various objects, preparing their weapons for defence. You were too flabbergasted by your discovery though, that you didn’t hide, earning a whole magazine straight into your back.  

“For fucks sake woman” 

Butcher grabbed your shoulder and pulled you behind himself, then proceeded to fire and kill a couple Russians. In meanwhile, you run your hands down the metal, trying to figure out how to open the chamber without startling its resident. 

You got so absorbed by the view in front of you didn’t even hear MM call your name for help when they run out of ammo. Your attention redirected to the chaos only when Butcher decided it was a great idea to show off his powers.

The man killed the remaining soldiers with his lasers while Hughie teleported to the last one, punching a hole straight through his stomach and on the way losing his clothes.  

“What the fuck?! Are you crazy?!” 

Butcher barked at you for your lack of help. You stood in place too shocked to respond, it was a little too much for you if you had to be honest. 

The Soldier Boy standing asleep right behind you, the massacre that happened around you mere seconds earlier and the cherry on top – Hughie pumped up with V.

How didn’t you notice that before? You’ve looked at him multiple times before you got inside the lab and didn’t notice anything? Maybe you were too mad at Butcher and too focused on the mission to pay attention to anyone else...  

“I’m sorry... I-” 

“And you” 

William didn’t let you say anything as he turned to Hughie, pointing at the younger man angrily. 

“You... Bunch of fucking morons!” 

He threw his hands up in rage, rubbing his forehead furiously. When he refused to give him the V earlier, he didn’t even think Hughie would steal one from him. He was the Petite Hughie after all.  

“Why did you do this to yourself?!” 

Kimiko questioned not understanding a bit why they even considered taking V.  

“The effect only last 24 hours” 

Billy tried to defend himself, but the woman took none of it. 

“Did you know?” 

She turned to you, earning a bashful nod. She would do everything to be normal, to have a normal life, to have her brother back, to not have powers - so her head could not wrap around the fact Butcher and Hughie took the V by their own will.  

“Guys I uh- I don’t wanna interrupt but... Gosh, can we just get him out!? I’m gonna blow up!” 

You interrupted, leaning your back against the metal chamber and dramatically sliding down in hopes of lighting up the mood even a little bit.  

“Wish you were so excited to see me” 

William whispered to you, sending you a lewd smirk before grabbing the door of the tube and ripping them off in one go. You could have done that by yourself, but why would you overwork yourself? When Butcher already took the temp V he could at least put his powers to work and take the weight of hard labour off your shoulders.  Steam blew out of the chamber revealing its resident to the group. 

“Damn... Now that’s a piece of cake” 

You mumbled, looking at the glazed donut of a man standing in front of you, making Billy jealous. An uncomfortable shiver run down Marvin’s back as Soldier Boy slowly opened his eyes and ripped the belts strapping him down apart, the memories of his dead family flashing before his eyes by the only look at their murderer. 

The naked man stepped out of his prison, heavy feet hitting the cold ground, member dangling in all its glory making the group uncomfortable – seeing Hughie’s dick was more and too much than enough for the day.  

He turned to the side, clenching his fists and staring at Frenchie who happened to be in his way. The debris scattered around trembled as he collected his power and anger, his chest started to gradually light more and more presumably with a red force beam, until he released it straight at Kimiko who pushed her friend aside.

In meanwhile, Butcher covered you with his body, dropping with you to the ground in case the soldier completely blew up, MM and Hughie doing the same.  

The beam disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared revealing a huge hole in a wall, through which Soldier Boy run away. 

“Kimiko!” 

You and Frenchie immediately run up to the hurt woman after Butcher let you go, scanning her battered and bloody body.  

“She’s not healing... Y/N why is she not healing!?” 

The man cried into your face, holding his friend as you examined the metal pipe sticking out of her side. 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Thank you so much for reading! 💞

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Through the time your mental health got better, you didn’t have to constantly worry about Ryan after all, as Grace took great care of him. Speaking of your brother, you visited him frequently too, helping him with his homework, playing games with him, or just chilling together. Sometimes, when you left their hideout, you passed by Butcher - who promised Becca to make sure Ryan will be safe – surprisingly keeping up his promise, considering he hated the boy even more after what he accidentally did. Neither of you ever said a word, he didn’t even spare a single glance your way, but you didn’t care... Eventually...

You received a modest flat near the centre of New York from Grace, who kept it after her daughter. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was just enough for you. Although you almost finished criminology at Godolkin University, you weren’t keen on becoming a police officer, detective, any kind of investigator or a supe city protector, so you decided to go back to college, this time a normal one. In the day you worked as a receptionist in a plastic surgery clinic, in the afternoons and evenings you attended a nursing course, and on the weekends you trained with MM.

“I want you to electrocute me”

You blurted out one day, just a few seconds after you walked into the old, empty gym. Marvin turned around slowly to face you, giving you a look as if you went nuts.

“No.”

He responded shortly to which you whined dissatisfied.

“Come ooon! I need to be resistant to it just in case! Picture this: what if – somehow – we end up helping Butcher again. He get's in trouble with some Stormfront 2.0. I'd fight with them, they'd shock me and boom! I'm dead! ”

MM shook his head with a loud sigh.

“Fine... “

“Great! “

You whipped out two tasers out of your gym bag and shoved them into his hands, then got ready for the sparring. The man was quick to attack you, but he went easy on you at first, too afraid he'd tase you too hard.

“Alright, that's enough”

Marvin called after you fell to your knees for the 10th time.

“No... No, no... Keep going. I can take it”

You slowly scrambled off the ground and raised your fists ready to continue.

“Y/N.”

The man started sternly, worry tinting his words.

“You really have enough for today. Your body might be super, but it's not made of stone and I can see you're exhausted”

“You're saying that because you're scared you'll hurt me”

“Hell yes I am! That's why I refuse to keep going for today. At least not with the tasers, we can do a quick normal sparring if you want, but you have to rest at first”

The man put the equipment aside and gave you a bottle of water, then sat down on the old wooden bench and patted the place next to him. You obliged reluctant, chugging down half the bottle and sitting next to him.

“Here, made us some rice with veggies and chicken”

“Thanks... Mmm... I love your cooking! “

You took the lunch box and immediately shoved a fork inside, scooping some food and eating it. Silence fell between you as you ate. You enjoyed moments like that with MM, they were calm and comforting, filling your whole body with nirvana.

You complemented each other: you had a bumpy relationship with your father to the point you wanted to kill him, while MM tried so hard not to screw up his relationship with Janine that sometimes he forgot to let loose and enjoy the few moments he had with her. You were a lost child and he was a troubled father, but when you were together your problems and worries seemed to vanish, replaced by strength and hope. You got so attached to Marvin he became your father figure, and if you ever had children, you hoped you could be at least half as good a mother as he was a father.

“How are the girls? “

You asked finally, finishing the lunch and putting the box and utensils aside.

“They're good. Janine keeps on asking when you'd visit. She really loves you”

You smiled brightly at his words, warmth spreading in your chest.

“I'll make sure to stop by next time you have her over”

You assured. When the man was done you chatted a bit more then continued the training.

Session after session you became stronger and more resistant to electricity. The day you told MM he can leave the tasers be, was one of the favourite days of his life. He could finally stop causing you the unpleasant, shocking pain he oh so hated.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Days went by peacefully. Work, college, training, repeat. And on and on. Until one day that motherfucker had to show up at your work.

“What would ya recommend for an old prick like me, eh? “

He leaned against the top of the counter behind which your desk stood, looking down at you with a wicked grin. You felt blood start to boil in your veins at the only sound of his voice, slowly raising your head to look at the man.

“A pretty bullet straight through ya’ brain”

You reciprocated the smirk, tilting your head slightly.

“Sharp as always”

William chuckled, patting the wood then picking up one of the leaflets and skimming through it.

“What do you want? “

Hissing you gripped the pen you were holding tightly, your knuckles going white. You could not believe his audacity to visit you at work after he’d been avoiding you for the past months.

“Can’t I just visit an ol’ pal?”

“You never visit me unless you want something”

You narrowed your eyes, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms, suspicion drawing on your face, but the man was stubborn as always and didn’t reveal his true intentions right away. So you decided to change the topic to a more uncomfortable one to force an explanation out of him.

“Have you watched the video Ryan sent you?”

You asked now in a calmer tone, reverting your attention back to the paper work in front of you. The man fell silent, flexing his jaw and putting away the piece of paper he folded in a wrong way.

“Those damn leaflets... Always so confusin’ to close...”

“Billy... It’s been a week. I can’t - and won’t - believe you didn’t have time to watch a 5 minute video!”

Butcher sighed, looking down at you with the hurt puppy look he used whenever he screwed up and was really sorry. The look that made your heart melt and guts flip.

“He worked on it so hard and he really wants you to see it... I know you might think it’s just a stupid video, but it’s very important to him. Just as important as your validation... I’ve already seen it and I can tell you, you’ll love it”

He nodded, acknowledging your words and apologising, even though you weren’t the one he should beg pardon to.

“Neuman’s a supe”

Butcher finally blurted out quietly. Your tactic worked.

“Hmm... I’m not too surprised. She always felt... Fishy”

“And we might got a trace of a weapon that slimed out America’s greatest hero”

Billy leaned forward and lowered his voice even more, locking his mesmerizing eyes with yours.

“Soldier Boy...?”

He nodded, the smirk he previously worn reappearing when he noticed the faint twinkle of curiosity and excitement in your orbs. You quickly shook it off though, maintaining your head strong composure.

“Whatever you want, I ain’t doin that. I’m done with helping you and I really mean it this time”

“Aight... That’s your choice and I respect it. Have a nice day then”

You frowned confused at how easily he gave up, without even trying one of his dirty tricks on you to make you help. Or maybe leaving you be was a trick... It left you baffled for the rest of the day and the next afternoon, you confronted your thoughts with MM.

It was Janine’s birthday. She really loved The Seven so you decided to buy her a Starlight doll she didn’t have in her collection yet, of course after asking Marvin and Monique if they were okay with that. The girl was so ecstatic seeing the doll her joy almost made you cry.

You were standing by the snack table, stuffing the 5th rainbow cupcake in your mouth while Marvin obsessively rearranged the cutlery so it would lay perfectly on the table.

“Can you believe the audacity?”

You mumbled out, mouth full of the colourful treat.

“He kept on ignoring me every time we visited Ryan in the same day and suddenly, he shows up at the clinic dropping such a bomb?! How the hell did he even knew where I worked?! Did you tell him?!”

“I did not tell him. But if it makes you feel better, he visited me too”

You shook your head after swallowing then reached for another cupcake.

“It doesn’t. It actually makes me even more worried... Please don’t tell me you agreed to work with him again...”

“I’m thinking...”

MM admitted exhaling deeply and gripping the utensils.

“There’s nothing to think about MM! We’re not going to do this. Look at us! We were doing so good without him, suddenly he shows up and your OCD is going nuts and I’m eating my worries away!”

You looked at each other. Realizing what you just said Marvin reached out and grabbed the snack out of your hand while you snatched the forks and spoons out of his and put them away. Butcher really messed you up.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Three days passed since the plague passed by your clinic and you could not stop thinking about him. It got to a point you squeezed his whereabout out of Hughie and knocked on his door on the fourth day. Taking one look at him made you want to kill him.

“What the fuck have you done?!”

You shouted terrified and furious scanning his body up and down, seeing compound V run through his veins. Built in X ray sometimes came in handy.

“Good to see ya too”

Billy gritted his teeth as you squeezed past him in the doorway, stomping inside of his messy apartment.

“What there you thinking?! Why did you take the fucking V?! Where did you even get it?!”

“Sure... Come in...”

He mumbled, closing the door and turning to face you. You had a deep frown painted on your brows, your hands rested on your hips while you awaited his answer.

“Ya told me to fuck off so I ain’t tellin you nothin sweetheart”

“Billy.”

William shook his head with a sweet smile. Oh how you wanted to strangle him... You didn’t have to though, as a wave of sickness hit him out of a sudden and he puked out his supper straight at your shoes.

“Jesus Christ!”

You yelped, quickly stepping aside and carefully taking them off. You flew above the greenish puddle and dragged the man to the bathroom where he leaned against the toilet and kept on vomiting for another couple minutes.

“God damn it William... You shouldn’t have taken the V...”

You sighed, soothing his back after cleaning the mess he made. Even though the man was vile and got on your nerves constantly you still deeply cared about him and weren’t going to leave him in that deplorable condition.

“It’s temporary...”

He muttered before wiping his mouth with the towel that laid nearby.

“What?”

“The V... It’s temp...”

You gave him a confused look, not really understanding what he meant.

“Vought came up with a new compound that’s temporary. They’re still testin it though...”

“Wait, wait, wait. So you’re telling me, you not only took a V but also the V you took is still in testing aka might be unstable and might kill you!?”

“Jesus woman... Quit shoutin, my skull gonna blow up...”

Billy pushed away from the toilet and rested his back against the wash basin's cabinet.

“Sorry... I'm just worried. I can’t believe you - out of all people - took it. You're against supes and their powers after all, why?... “

“Because I'm useless! “

Butcher snapped, holding his head.

“I'm useless without those freakin powers... Most of supes these days are fuckin bulletproof, guns are not enough anymore. And ya're the only supe I trust with gettin the job done... But ya don’t want to work with me so I gotta manage on me own... “

“Oh Billy...”

You sighed slumping your shoulders and scooching closer, nestling between his spread legs and grabbing chis cheeks.

“You’re not useless. You never were and you never will be. And you don’t need to be a temporary supe to win. You don’t need to level the playing field so the fight would be fair because you’ve got something most of the supes don’t have... A brain. A pretty good and smart brain that always knows what to do in a critical situation. God... I can’t believe I have to tell you this! Me! A fucking supe!”

Butcher lowered his sight, too afraid to look you in the eyes and accept that what you have just said was the truth.

“What happened with the ruthless Billy that clawed his way to the goal no matter what? The Billy that didn’t need powers to succeed? The one who was never scared of any supes, even the strongest ones?...”

The man shook his head, pushing your palms away and fighting the tears that threatened to gather in his eyes. What happened to that Billy? He lost the most important person of his life shortly after he reunited with her. Now he was stuck with her child who unintentionally killed her and no matter how hard William tried he just could not forgive him. But he couldn’t leave Ryan, he promised Rebecca he would take care of him as best as he could.

And then there was the internal fight he struggled with every time he saw you or Homelander. He cared about you almost as much as you cared about him, but how could he show his feelings when his brain constantly reminded him you were the daughter of his greatest enemy? He should hate you, not like you! Butcher felt betrayed when he found out you were Homelander’s daughter, just as when you revealed you were a supe.

You were supposed to be his anchor that kept him stable, made him keep going, but your existence and your lies – or rather the decision of simply not telling him things – contradicted so bad with his beliefs he didn’t know what to do anymore.

You saw the amount of feelings gathering on his face but weren’t able to read them properly. He always had to fight them, refusing to just let go and show you if he was sad or angry or God knows what else. You sighed getting up and stretching your hand to him.

“Come on, let’s get you some water”

You proposed, flashing him a soft reassuring smile. The man spared you a brief look before grabbing your hand and leaving the floor. He guided you to the kitchen, not letting go of your palm until you made it to the small dining table with two chairs opposite each other, resting by the wall.

He sat down while you rummaged through his almost empty fridge is search of a bottle of cold water. You also took out a pack of dry sausage sticks, ripping it open right after you handed him the bottle.

The man quirked his brow at you standing in the middle of his dim lighted kitchen, devouring the snack, his signature teasing smirk spreading on his lips. Something about that view and how you tried to cheer him up earlier made his chest tighten.

“What? I’m eating my worries away alright?!”

“Alright, alright”

The man shook his head with a chuckle, before taking a sip of the cold water.

“But ya don’t need to worry bout me, I’ll be okay”

“Yeah, I see how ‘okay’ you’re doing”

You frowned at him angrily, putting the sausages on the table and sitting in front of him.

“But I’ll always worry about you Billy... No matter what. I just... I just can’t help it. And you’re not necessarily making it easier”

“Yeah, I know...”

The man responded remembering the many times he got in trouble or let you down.

“So... Might want to tell me what you did after taking the temp V?”

You asked, scanning his body in search of traces of the drug that seemed to finally evaporate from his system.

“Got a little chat with Gunpowder... Might’ve gone a bit ballistic... But in my defence lasers aren’t easy to control”

“You don’t have to tell me that... First time I’ve managed to use them I almost fried Maeve’s hair off... But God damn it Billy! Are you serious?! You can’t kill members of Payback just like that! Vought’s going to have you on their radar again!”

You let out a disapproving sigh, running your hands down your face. That man was unbelievable.

“And you’re surprised I’m eating my worries away...”

“ ‘m not surprised”

You waved your hand, dismissing the topic and continuing to chew on the snacks. Silence fell between you for a longer while, before Butcher spoke quietly.

“Thanks for worrying... “

“You should thank The Boys, not me. It’s my hobby at this point”

You said jokingly, trying to cheer him up.

“But I’m serious, you should thank them. And I should thank them too. They’re keeping you alive when I’m not around and I’m very grateful for that. I don’t know what I would do if you suddenly gave up on everything and... And left me in this fucked up world...”

The man put the bottle away and slowly grabbed your hand, gently tugging at it. He didn’t need to use words as you caught the memo instantly and raised yourself off the chair, just to plop down on his thighs seconds after. He wrapped him strong arms around you, pressing you to his chest and hiding his face in your soft hair, inhaling your scent that calmed him down. You both definitely needed that. Your muscles relaxed immediately and you didn’t even realise they were tensed!

“Thank you...”

He mumbled, closing his eyes and almost melting in your embrace. You stayed in that position for a couple of minutes, cherishing the brief moment of William’s vulnerability.

After some time though, you felt one of his hands travel down your back, while the other tangled in your hair.

“I feel someone feels way better now”

You teased pulling away from the hug and looking at him with a bright smile. He didn’t say anything, instead connecting your lips together into a soft kiss that got more intimate pretty soon, with his right palm sliding into the back pocket of your jeans and the left one delicately tugging at your hair. When you pulled away to get some air, his lips travelled down your jaw line to the column of your neck, leaving soft bites and wet kisses.

“We shouldn’t...”

You whined quietly but didn’t push him away. In fact, you really wanted it. You wanted to finally properly feel him, the tender skin on his chest, his rough hands running down your bare skin, the way he stretched you... You got so lost in your fantasies you didn’t even notice when he lifted you up and carried to his bedroom, until you heard the quiet creek of the bedframe under his weight. The man pulled your hoodie over your head an threw it aside, he squeezed your hips and recaptured your lips while you toyed with the collar of his Hawaiian shirt.

“I shouldn’t be letting you do this...”

You moaned into the kiss when you felt his cold hands make their way under your Iron Maiden t-shirt and tug at the clasp of your bra.

“I think the image of me killin someone turn’s ya on, cause it sure does the same to me”

Billy flashed you that devilish smirk of his before giving the clasp one last tug and releasing your chest.

“Shit... Maybe it does...”

You grimaced in disgust which made you both laugh.

“But y’know what get’s me going even more? Seeing you laugh so genuinely”

You admitted, stroking his cheeks tenderly, looking deep into his eyes. But the man had to open his big mouth and ruin the sweet moment.

“We gonna do it or what?”

“Jesus Billy”

You chuckled at how impatient he was, but he was right, you couldn’t wait longer either. You let him get rid of your shirt and bra then practically ripped his top off his chest.

“And you complain I’m impatient”

He teased, making you roll your eyes. You couldn’t fight the smile that tugged at your lips though.

“Thank your mama she equipped ya with those ballistics”

Butcher mumbled, biting one of your breasts and massaging the other.

“Oh my god... Just shut up”

You threw your head back at his attempt of dirty talk that didn’t work at all, fumbling with his belt. Once you unbuckled it and unzipped his pants he shimmied out of them, taking off his boxer shorts and socks along the way, while you fought to get your jeans and panties off.

“Yar ass is too big for those pants, huh? “

The man teased, pulling you back onto his now bare lap once you were naked too, and squeezing your buns.

“You don’t seem to mind”

“I wouldn’t dare”

Billy flashed you a toothy smile and started to slowly drag your hips up and down his thigh. Your hand landed on his shoulder, gripping it every time your clit brushed against his skin, letting out quiet moans. The other one snaked itself around his member, giving it slow, languid strokes until you felt him harden completely. You weren’t as easy to arouse as he was though, so you helped yourself and started moving your hips on your own while Billy took care of your clit. At first the circles he was drawing were gentle, unhurried, but soon he speed up the process, overwhelming you and almost bringing you over the edge.

You kissed him as he blindly rummaged through the drawer of his nightstand in search of condoms. He fished out a pack and handed them to you.

“ ‘m not going to hold meself back tonight”

“I don’t want you to”

You admitted smiling wickedly and opening the box, ripping the wrap and sliding the condom down his length.

“You're smaller than I remembered~ “

You teased with a pout, slowly lowering yourself onto Billy.

“Quit playin with the devil”

He threatened, pushing your hips down and throwing his head back in pleasure as you moaned loudly.

“Shit Moonie... Forgot how good ya feel... “

A groan of pleasure escaped William’s lips as you started to leisurely ride him. You took your time, savouring every second and every thrust, steading yourself by grabbing his shoulders. But the man took none of it, impatience filling his muscles and brain and soon you found yourself almost crushed by his weight with the man pounding into you at a fast pace, his lips attacking yours in hunger.

“Billy...”

You cried at the overwhelming pleasure engulfing your body, tears gathering in your eyes.

“Sorry, sorry”

Butcher mumbled into the kiss, slowing down and wiping the tears away.

“Just missed that sweet pussy of yours. One day 'm gonna teach ya how to take me properly”

He admitted pecking your cheek as you chuckled weakly.

“ ‘s okay. Missed you too”

You stroked his cheek and the man locked his eyes with yours. Unfortunately you saw no affection behind those enchanting orbs you oh so loved. There was only lust, hunger and you wished there was something more. Nonetheless you didn’t let the weird feeling take over your brain and pushed it aside, continuing to enjoy your sinful escapade. After all, it's not every day you can fuck the William Butcher.

His lips made their way down your neck once again, this time the kisses he left were more gentle, passionate, and the hickeys darker as if he wanted to mark you. Not that he had to. The man finally reached your breasts, gently kneading the right one in his calloused palm and expertly working his tongue on the left nipple. You tangled your thin fingers in William’s dark locks, pulling at them every time he hit that sweet spot inside you. You forgot how good sex with him felt, considering you’d done it only once in the past.

You wished that was your everyday life though. Finally finishing the nursing course, getting a job, coming back to a cozy home after a tiring day at work to a set of strong British arms that pulled you into a tig hug. You’d exhale his scent – cigarettes, wood, cinnamon, or whatever else cologne he used – and melt in his embrace. You’d prepare dinner together and eat it while watching TV, sitting on your couch with Terror and a calico cat settled between you. You’d take a hot shower together, scraping each other’s backs then nestling in your bed, getting some action done or not, falling asleep with tangled limbs. In the morning you would wake up either alone or with the strong man still snoring beside you and with the biggest smile possible plastered on your face.

Unfortunately, those were only dreams that would most probably never see the light of day... But a girl can dream.

“Wi-... Willy...”

You moaned, feeling yourself getting closer, making the man snicker at your choice of his nickname. You wanted to say ‘Billy’ or ‘William’ but your mind was so clouded by sex haze you unintentionally mixed them up.

“ ‘m fuckin ya so good yar tongue’s tanglin, huh?”

Butcher teased, looking up at you from between your tits. You bit your bottom lip, nodding slightly and gripping his hair tighter when you felt him start pounding into you again. Your heavy head shot back as a wave of pleasure run through your body, making you shiver beneath William. His hands gripped your hips as he chased his own release, intoxicated by the way your walls tightened around him, spilling inside you shortly after. You squeezed his arms as you felt him fill the condom, moaning his name out sweetly.

“Fuck... Moonie...”

The man groaned into your ear after collapsing on top of you. You wrapped your arms around his back, pulling him close even though his body was crushing you, not wanting to let go afraid that he’d disappear if you even loosened your grip.

“We need to do it more often”

He proposed to which you nodded, responding quietly.

“I’d like that”

After a couple of minutes Butcher forcefully pulled away eliciting a cry of protest out of your pink lips.

“Don’t ya worry, ‘m not going far”

He said with an amused grin, pulling himself out of you and taking off the protection, tying a knot and throwing the latex away. He pushed himself off the mattress leisurely, making his way to the bathroom before coming back with a soft towel. He cleaned you up, kissing you along the way then tossed the white fabric onto the floor and laid next to you. You slowly pulled the covers over yourselves while he took a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out of the nightstand. He was about to light one when you spoke.

“Billy... Those are gonna kill you... “

“Ya say that about everythin I do”

He teased, taking the stimulant from between his lips and putting it aside. By the tired look on your face and your languid voice he figured you would fall asleep within seconds and then he could take a drag in peace. Just as he thought, you were gone shortly after. Fortunately for him, you didn’t glue yourself to his side and he could easily slip out of the bed, throw his underwear on and go light the cigarette.

“Disgusting”

Butcher heard the moment he entered his kitchen. He turned the light on, revealing Homelander sitting comfortably by the dining table.

“Ya’re a creep. Watchin your own daughter have sex”

“Not the first time, unfortunately... I guess I have... Bad timing”

The blonde flashed him a grin, his perfect white teeth almost blinding him.

“Not the first time?”

Butcher thought, lighting his stimulant and taking a drag. Did he see you have sex at Believe EXPO? If so, why didn’t you tell him? You knew about it for sure, then why not? The man decided not to dwell on it, instead turning his back to Homelander and starting to prepare himself some tea.

“Honestly? I’m surprised she chose you. Very surprised... Look at her! She’s perfect! A literal goddess! She could have anyone, yet she chose a pathetic wreck of a man who happens to have some kind of beef with her father... “

John said, trying to bring Butcher down, but his interlocutor wasn’t even listening, too focused on his beverage. Homelnader flexed his jaw annoyed.

“What ‘d ya want?”

William asked finally, pouring the boiling water into a mug.

“Where’s Ryan”

“On 420, Non-Ya Business Ave”

The man turned around, giving John a fake, sweet smile.

“He’s my son, William. My family. I'm gonna find him sooner or later”

“Y/N’s your family too. Yet ya don’t seem too interested in her. Can’t control her anymore, shape her however ya want now, can’t ya?”

The blonde fell silent, tightening his fists letting Butcher know he was right. With Ryan, Homelander could still make him a little version of himself, the perfect successor to his imaginary throne and power, but with you... You weren’t such an easy nut to crack anymore, knowing well what your father had done in the past, what he was capable of and what he was striving for. Only some kind of magic, serious brainwashing or memory loss could bring you back to his side, none of which would happen anytime soon. At least Butcher hoped so.

“Aight, I don’t mean to be rude but uh... Can we skip to the part where ya laser me fuckin brains out?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake... That’d be like putting down a wounded dog”

The blonde huffed annoyed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

“You know, if I really wanted, I could have Y/N wrapped around my finger. She could be my co-captain in The Seven! But she’s useless. Can’t utilize her powers or fight properly! ”

“Yet she beat yar Nazi’s ass”

William reminded, raising his mug up and quirking his brow at John.

“Only on the 2nd try”

“But she still did. Though it was your son who totally wrecked her”

“He also wrecked your wife”

Homelander bit back in anger. Oh, how he wanted to snap the man in half right there and then. But that wouldn’t be fair... Besides, who would be his arch nemesis then? He could not let William go so easily, noo... He had to have some fun with him while he could.

“Is that all?”

Butcher asked, irritated by John’s presence in his apartment. He just wanted to enjoy a cup of hot tea and a stinky cigarette after a wonderful sex with an even more wonderful woman he treated like shit, yet there he was, standing in the middle of his kitchen only in his boxers, having a conversation with your aggravating father.

“Vought and that fucking bureau...”

Homelander started bitterly, clenching his teeth.

“They treat us like old toys... Put us up on a fucking shelf... Treat us like we’re obsolete... Doesn’t that make you angry?”

The man finally looked at Butcher, an asking expression painted on his face. William looked to the side, griping the cup.

“Yeah... It does...”

“What if it doesn’t have to be that way?”

The brunette raised his brow at him in curiousness. Their conversation just started to get interesting.

“How about something a little more... Scorched earth... Shock and awe... Blood and bone... And in the end, one of us left standing”

A smile threatened to tug at Billy’s lips at the beautiful image described by his nemesis. Would he want that to happen? Hell yes he would. Was he sure he would be the one standing last? Hell no he wasn’t, but that’s what made it fun, thrilling. The thought of failing drove him even more determined to win and get rid of the blonde scumbag.

“I look forward to it”

Homelander admitted before raising himself off the old chair.

“One more thing... You should start treating my daughter better if you want her to stay by your side. Buy her some Reese’s or Nerds at least, she loves those”

He spared Butcher one last look before exiting the flat, leaving the brunette with his thoughts.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Butcher grumbled as the morning sun hit his face. Weird... He never left the blinds open. He turned to lay on his stomach, your aroma hitting his nostrils the moment his face met the soft pillow. Right... How could he forget.

“Fuck... “

The man mumbled dissatisfied. Fucking you last night was a bad idea... A pleasurable one but still bad. He was supposed to be mad at you, mad you didn’t manage to save his wife from your brother – even though it was his job, mad you were Homelander Jr., mad because... Just because! Few months of avoiding you just went to shit! But why was he so stubborn to be mad? He wasn’t sure himself... It just felt right. Well, maybe not right, but still better than being vulnerable. He was vulnerable the previous night, that was way more than enough. He already admitted he thought he was useless, he wasn’t going to admit he needed you or liked you more than he should. No way. He felt like a teenager that had a stupid crush and he despised that. Your father’s visit after your heated escaped didn’t help either. It only made him doubt in himself more. Butcher would never admit it but John was right, you deserved someone better, someone younger and healthier that would treat you the way you deserved to be treated – like a goddess, something he had never done.

Billy closed his eyes, praying to whatever god or Deity listening that you were already gone, before pushing himself off the mattress and exiting the bedroom. Much to his dissatisfaction he was met with the view of your back, sporting his shirt from yesterday, the moment he walked into the kitchen.

“I've made you coffee! And breakfast is almost ready”

You said joyfully once you heard him enter, not turning around in anticipation he'd hug you from behind. But instead of his arms wrapping around your waist and his hot chest pressing against your back you heard him groan.

“I thought you left already”

You gripped the spoon you were holding, slumping your shoulders slightly in sadness.

“Thanks doll, ya didn't have to”

You mocked under your nose, imitating his voice, scraping the pan furiously in hopes the eggs would fry faster.

“You didn’t have to. Ya should've left”

“Why are you such a dick today”

You whined, letting go of the utensil and turning off the stove, then turning on your heel to face him.

“Ya were right... We shouldn’t have done that”

“Why? “

You raised your brow confused. You thought he enjoyed it... Didn’t he?...

“I could ask ya the same”

“I said that because I was mad you took the V, but it passed quickly and I gave in, didn’t I? Why do you think that? “

Putting your hands on your hips you shot him a murderous look, awaiting the answer.

“Cause ya're the bastard of my fucking enemy. An abomination who shouldn’t exist... Neither should Ryan and ya know that. I should’ve killed you when I could”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

You snapped, the vein on your forehead starting to pulse as you stomped up to him. Silence followed your question.

“Right... Because you need me. Because you are a useless little piece of shit who can’t do anything on his own. Who runs to me every time something bad happens, with your tail between your legs like a scared puppy. You're pathetic William and I can’t believe I'm letting you use me like that. Every. Fucking. Time”

You burst out, nor really meaning everything you said.

“Careful sweetheart, or I might think ya want a repeat~”

The man threatened, lowering his voice and grabbing your waist, pulling you flush to his chest. If he was going to keep on hating you, he could as well use the fact you were half naked at his place while he could.

“You're unbelievable”

You growled before he crashed his lips on yours, kissing – or rather devouring you like a starved animal. You felt like a slut because of the effect he had on you, but also a little dumb cause you didn’t know his intentions anymore. The man didn’t seem to know either. Did he really hate you and just used you? Or was he trying to forcefully push you away cause he didn’t know how to control his feelings?...

And that's how you landed bent over the kitchen counter with William behind you, ramming his hips into yours and pulling at your hair.

“I fucking hate you”

You hissed arching your back and pulling the dark hair on his beard to connect your lips together.

“Horrible liar ya’re”

His rough fingers dug into your skin, just above your hip bones, steading you in front of himself. His thrusts were rapid, shallow, not giving you much to work with until he gradually slowed down, pounding deeper with every push.

“Fuck...”

You moaned into his lips, almost ripping out the hair you were holding.

“Ya’re so hot when you're angry”

The man admitted with a guttural groan. One of his hands left your hip to smack your ass, eliciting a surprised squeak out of you. Homelander was right, you were a fucking goddess with that perfect round bum of yours and the perky breasts and that foul mouth and the smart ass brain... William lost himself in his imagination, almost spilling inside of you. He managed to pull out just in time and stained your back with his semen. You panted underneath him, mad he forgot about your own pleasure, finishing the job yourself by molesting your clit.

Once he wiped your back, you picked his shirt up from the floor and threw it around your shoulders then pulled your panties back up, in meanwhile watching the brute chug down in one go the coffee you've made him.

“Promise me you won’t take this green shit again”

You said after a minute of silence, letting out a heavy sigh at his response.

“Won’t promise ya shit“

Did you really ask for a lot?

“I already threw the rest down the drain. Putting it in a Terror shaped container wasn’t too smart. Not that anything else would stop me”

You said with a nonchalant shrug, pointing to your X ray equipped eyes. The man brushed his beard furiously. Oh how he wished the effect haven’t worn off yet...

“I'll stop by the tower to let Meave know she shouldn’t give you more”

“Like she’d listen to ya”

You narrowed your eyes at his words.

“Of course she will. She knows not to mess with me”

You hissed, leaving to take a shower. While the hot water run down your naked body you suddenly remembered why you visited him in the first place.

“Mind telling me what you want to do with Newman and Soldier Boy?!”

You shouted from the bathroom, brushing your hands down the skin of your arms and spreading Butcher's AXE lotion all over – of course he didn’t have any kind of loofah. The man didn’t respond though – why would he – so you repeated your question once you left the shower, now standing in front of him with his towel wrapped around your curves. Oh you were driving him crazy...

“Stop by tomorra at tha office and ya’ll find out”

William mumbled, mouth full of the breakfast you’d prepared him. As if he couldn’t just tell you... You exhaled loudly, slumping your shoulder and pinching the bridge of your nose before giving up getting dressed. You left his apartment without a word, brain full of regret, stomach empty, legs shaking and heart as always shattered.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

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