ASHTRO

He’s welcomed into my guild anytime 

Did I stutter?

This is not allowed…..Your card has been declined.

Me: [toaster timer dings] “………oh, that’s right”

Me: “…Ma’am you have never been so right in your life”

If my last words were “let’s drink beer all night long” I wouldn’t be mad.

note to self: trip more often, you’ll never know who you’ll land on….

[another member of the council steps in] *hands up apologetically* what she is trying to say to is that a kiss is all we want…the rest is extra ~spicy~ *smirks maliciously*

*a spotlight at the podium* Hello welcome to my eulogy, here today we shall talk about how I died reading about the love that never could…..*wipes a single tear* but alas! A happy ever after is just a fairy tale….*keeps on talking* [people in the grocery store looking at each other wondering why a crazy chick is holding a stem of celery taking to herself amongst an audience of tomatoes]

[who will you choose?]

Me: *still searching* “my dignity Barbara……..my fucking dignity”

“And then they fu—” *gets hit with lamp*

*types in google* [How to climb a large tree]..........Don’t worry Tora I’ve been training for this

I love it when you make me feel good inside, how you taste.........*bites Cheeto*.......*holding back tears of loneliness*

True strength is resisting temptation 🙏........ *cLeaRS TabLe* “Take me here and NOW!!!”

*at cash register* Sir.....this is a Baskin Robbins. All I asked was if you wanted a one scoop or a double scoop.......