Nagmamahal Lang

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all about nikko

life lately

dump blog

personal

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keeps

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lately, i haven’t been okay. i’m trying, but i really can’t hold it in anymore. i’m just grateful that i have someone i can run to, cry to, rant to. he never fails. always. when he said, “sige, okay lang. iyak mo lang,” i appreciated it so much. it gave me a sense of security—knowing i can be vulnerable even with my strong personality.

I reminded myself: I don’t need to carry someone else’s weight. I don’t need to let their tone define my worth. So I stayed calm, I ignored it, and I protected my peace. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam knowing that I can stand firm without absorbing what doesn’t serve me.

“Who are you to talk to me like that?” I thought. But instead of saying it out loud, I let my silence speak. My boundaries are mine to guard, and today, I proved to myself that I can rise above.

This is growth. This is strength. This is me, choosing light over negativity.

Pero kahit ganun, I still find myself retreating. Madalas pa rin akong mag-MIA, mag-DND, mag-clear ng notifications as if disappearing is the only way I know how to breathe. Minsan nag-i-isolate ako kasi natatakot akong maging burden, natatakot na baka mabigatan sila sa’kin. Pero sa mata nila, hindi ako mabigat. They see me as someone soft, someone gentle, someone na hindi kailangan maging “on” all the time para mahalin.

Nakakatuwa pero weird — ang gaan-gaan nila sa paligid ko, pero ako pa rin yung pumipili magtago. I only message Nikko most days kasi siya yung pinaka-safe, yung hindi ko kailangang magpaliwanag. I disappear even when no one is asking me to.

And if this is how senior managers choose to speak to rank‑and‑file staff like me, then fine. I’ll still stand with what’s right. I’ll still think before implementing anything. Following the correct process doesn’t make anyone less; if anything, it shows character.