ResLacrimae

Diana would write back to Reid, saying may my withered piece of letter paper fly across this wide, vast land, instead of my feeble embrace, to comfort your unfortunate heart. I am praying that Aaron Hotchner’s silhouette cease to haunt you in your dream as well as your day. Kiss you thousand times - again the women are taking my pen and papers away, when will you come and save me out of their surveillance?

Like young prosecutor Hotch was looking for evidence for a court session, and realized the killer tended to use symbols and quotes from Yevgeny Onegin (I watched the theatre version on my flight back home and was crying so hard on the plane🥲) - but his now accused defendant had no literature/Russian background. hotch has always wanted to send bad guys into prison, but he’d never stand a wrongful mistrial, so he decided to dig into the case himself. Then he went to the best university in town (himself an alumnus), and found a certain professor Spencer Reid there.

They solved the case together, freed the innocent man and sent the bad guy behind the bars. Prof. Reid was even kind enough to testify in court, although he’s shy and uncomfortable in such situations. That night, Hotch asked him out for dinner, knowing that their cooperation was coming to an end that night. Reid appeared by the table, with suit and tie and everything, the most beautiful man has ever blessed Aaron Hotchner’s mortal eyes. When Reid smiled, eyelashes casting the smallest shadow under his deer like eyes, as if tears. They talked and talked until the diner was about to close, and the night feels like only half long as usual. They parted, Reid said, “it’s been very nice working with you,” , and Hotch thought, “Liar. We’ll never see each other again. Maybe it’s good for you, cuz you don’t need a 16 year older lawyer involving you in some murder case again.”

Under the road lamp and its dim light, Reid gave him a little book - little, thin, almost a pamphlet. He said it’s just a collection of Russian folklores, and as if trying to run away, he quickly bade Hotch farewell, then disappeared in the heavy February snow.

The book was in Russian, so Hotch could only aimlessly scan through it and pass pages. Maybe this helped him notice that certain words had pencil dots under them. So he did get to learn a little bit Russian for beginners, using dictionary to find out the meanings of all the dotted words.

“I really want to date you, dear.”

And since Reid is multilingual - especially when Russian is notorious for having six cases, being in love can be really confusing. In German the dative case makes the object of the action less important and the emphasis is on the verb itself. Like the verb “help” dominates dative case and it’s more important that the subject helps and less important whom he helps. But when it comes to love it’s the accusative case: the emphasis is put on the object of love. And in French it’s I you love instead of I love you: The affection so strong and intolerable that even the act of loving can’t separate the subject and his lover. Russian is like a combination of both: Я тебя́ люблю́ is I you love with you in accusative case. This could be a stage of not being able to resist the urge of staring and touching, which is even more weird because Dr sorryidontshake literally threw himself into Hotch’s arms.

And Latin: he must be able to read Latin due to Diana’s influence. One thing I love about this language is that in Latin the equivalent for “please” is “I will love (you)”, god it’s cuuuuuuuute, like all the earthly things rewards are just not good enough for the other person and the only thing you could give back is your love. In Yoruba it’s literally I havelove you (like the verb love is verb have + noun love) so a bit similar? Spanish is similar to Latin and the usual expression te amo even omits the physical/textual form of the subject and places the object first. This is when I dissolves in the grammatical structure as well as in love and all his self esteem issues begin to surface I guess, how could the tall, handsome, married boss love him back? He has midnight thoughts like oh god I wish I were her and not the skinny, clumsy, nerdy capital I.

In Korean the expressions can be very different depending on the person you’re speaking to: an intimate friend? A superior/elderly? Or someone extremely prestigious? I guess Reid would have problems deciding which one when it comes to Hotch… I guess they might just evolve from a desperate confession in formal form to sleepy murmuring in the most informal way. They could even accidentally use the wrong expression in workplace and the team would find out🤫

They’re at the same grade, soon to graduate, but Aaron is 18 and Spencer just 14. Spencer knew Aaron Hotchner was tall, dark, handsome, the eldest child from a south Virginian family, going to gwu law after graduation, and was dating Haley Brooks, the stunning blonde - she’s the same age as Aaron and what a pair, they say. That’s basically everything Spencer Reid could know about Aaron Hotchner, namely everything publicly known. But he also had something to add, not big, just anecdotes. One time Aaron had saved him from the locked storage room and another time he had escorted him home - Aaron was old enough to get his driver’s license. Haley was on the passenger seat, cursing his bullies with words Spencer had never imagined coming from a fair lady like her. The couple had dropped him at home and kindly turned down the invitation for tea. Thank god they had done that: Diana hadn’t been very stable, to say at best, that day. Spencer had stood by the window seeing them away, holding hands, the silhouettes fading into the melting golden glow.

That’s his secret. About Aaron, about being saved by the student council president from the storage room. About him being grateful to Haley and at the same time he wished she wasn’t in that car. About sneaking into the theatre and watching Aaron play Hamlet, Othello and Julius Caesar, plays Spencer could recite from alpha to omega. He felt like Brutus, but instead of earning that famous quote, he’d rather stab himself.

So when Aaron asked Spencer whether he wanted to be his prom partner, Spencer thought he was dreaming.

- What about Haley?

- She’ll take someone else. Wait, do you have a partner already? Sorry I should’ve asked first -

- No! I mean, I don’t. And I’d love to go with you.

But it turned out that Haley invited another bullied girl. Spencer couldn’t help but thought he was just part of the couple’s kindness and he felt terrible. When Aaron asked him what’s wrong, Spencer almost shook off his hand.

I feel sick, I’m sorry, I have to go, have fun, thank you for your invitation, and thanks to Haley too, Aaron.

Aaron. That was the last word Spencer said to him, before running away to California. He spent years there, got 4 phds, and is now heading to DC for a new job. He’s never going back to that small town full of bittersweet memories. He wouldn’t have been so impolite if he hadn’t been so stupidly desperately in love with Aaron Hotchner.

Jason Gideon, his recruiter, is going to introduce him to the unit chief, his new boss. Jason pushes the door open and is saying: “Aaron, remember the young genius I - ”

And there he is. Tall, dark, handsome as hell, with no wedding ring on his finger.

Spencer feels sick.