“there’s 40 billion dollars of net worth walking around this party, and you guys are standing around drinking shrimp and talking about what cum tastes like.”
“we’re making the world a better place.”
“what a dick.”
“they’re all a bunch of assholes, especially radiohead.”
“you just disappeared up your own asshole.”
“work at burger king. go into the forest and forage for nuts and berries. do NOT go back to college.”
“fuckin’ billionares.”
“you clearly have a great understanding of humanity.”
“i’m not humiliating you; i’m elevating you.”
“we could be the vikings of our day.”
“who ate my fucking quinoa again!?”
“there’s always been a hole in my heart, not a literal hole like you’d find in some babies with congenital diseases, but a metaphorical hole.”
“sorry if i scared you. i know i have somewhat ghostlike features.”
“is this a fucking domestic!?”
“wanna smoke weed?”
“i didn’t even shake a woman’s hand until i was 17 years old.”
“i was not erect. i was just being polite.”
“that’s an expensive boner.”
“did you just take a sip from an empty cup?”
“you’re being a complete tool right now. i need you to be a complete asshole. understand the difference?”
“listen, wherever we end up here, i just want to say i should get more equity than ____.”
“s/he’s as pointless as mass effect 3′s multiple endings.”
“fuck it, dude. i’m done here.”
“fine. you want me to be an asshole? i’ll be a fucking asshole.”
“if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta go lock down a mother fucking business plan.”
“praise the dark lord, that’s great news.”
“your borders are merely a construct; i prefer to consider myself a citizen of the world.”
“nobody jerks off to magazines anymore.”
“that sounded sub-optimal.”
“he ate the whole bag of gold caps. awesome.”
“this is the type of evening that requires free balling.”
“anyone that’s over a seven is with us and anyone under a three is a guest.”
“i always knew i was missing something, and then when someone explained to me the concept of game, i remember – very distinctly – thinking that’s what i don’t have. game.”
“is sleeping beauty awake yet?”
“are you dressed like steve jobs?”
“he’s the least cool guy i’ve ever met.”
“is there a reason i wasn’t invited to the party? is there some sense that i’m not part of the ‘gang’?”
“what was it like there? were there gelatin shots?”
“i’m wearing sandals, so i am iconoclasting a little bit.”
“love and hate – it’s all passion.”
“you guys wanna walk to arby’s? maybe grab a bite, play a little hacky sack?”
“i thought i had something in my teeth, but when i looked in the mirror, like this, my pants hit the countertop. it must’ve had some water on there, so i got a spot on my pants. it kinda looked like i pissed myself, like a big baby. so, what i did was i just took off all my pants and i put them in the water just to make it all completely wet. that way, i figured, nobody would really notice. it wouldn’t be as bad.”
“let’s get your pants on.”
“i know this isn’t the best thing to say to someone having a panic attack, but we need to hurry.”
“i need you to do all the talking, because i feel like if i do, i’m going to puke all over ____.”
“hey, buddy, do you have any drugs?”
“there may be a drive-by about to happen.”
“he’s talking about cubicles!”
“he is trying to turn us into corporate rock, ____. we are punk rock.”
“don’t touch anything; failure is contagious.”
“____ will suck the dick right off of your pelvis.”
“my lawyers told me i’m not allowed to discuss it.”
“denzel washington has a beautiful smile.”
“i didn’t know if you wanted original oreos or double stuffed, so i went a little nutty and got both.”
“who takes adderall anymore?”
“you just brought piss to a shit fight.”
“don’t call me adorable! it’s very emasculating.”
“i did have sexual intercourse with his wife.”
“i’m getting a boat and a boat guy to take care of it. you have to have a boat guy.”
“look at these poor fuckers. they don’t even know what’s about to hit them: the hammer of god.”
“you know how i fucked ____’s old wife? i fucked his new wife too.”
“i asked her point blank if she was crazy, and she swore to me no. she’s not crazy.”
“since the dawn of time, mankind hath sought to make things smaller.”
“what if there was an app that could tell you with a statistical degree of certainty whether you were going to heaven or hell?”
“public executions are very popular.”
“we’re going to win, even if i have to go into the auditorium and personally jerk off every guy in the audience.”
“alright, you dildos – let’s go!”
“i set ‘em up for ya, now knock ‘em down.”
“how fast do you think you could jack off every guy in this room?”
“people may take credit for your idea and try to sue you! how awesome is that!?”
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
tangentwithtanner
annaxmalina
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
dededos
vaporwave
