cw: more angst guys I'm sorry I think I'm addicted, hurt no comfort, canonical character death, brief description of sex, yes its ghoap, Ghost is kinda toxic, not proofread.
Dating Simon "Ghost" Riley wasn't as bad as most people would imagine it. Sure, the man was extremely emotionally constipated, unable to show affection in ways that the normal person considered the bare minimum, instead opting to just stick with you in quiet silence.
You really thought that after a year of dating, things between you two were going smoothly, even despite having ups and downs that you two had worked through and past together, building a solid foundation. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right?
The first time the doubt started to cloud your mind was on a cold night in the middle of November. You'd just come back from work, seeking out your giant of a boyfriend to do nothing but bury yourself in his familiar warmth that felt like home. You tip toed upstairs, keeping your footsteps light before approaching the bedroom door. Cracking the door open ever so slightly to peek inside, you freeze.
There he was, Simon— your boyfriend who was normally allergic to showing emotion, curled up on the bed in a fetal position, face hidden buried in one of your fluffy pillows, clutching a small photograph in his hand... Crying. You couldn't make out who or what was in the photograph, but something deep inside you told you to just leave him be, which was exactly what you did, slowly, quietly closing the door shut and retreating.
The second time was in bed, in the middle of the night, while Simon was above you, rutting his hips into yours with freverent intensity, puffing and grunting over you. It was meant to be an intimate moment, reserved for the both of you, and only you, so why was it that a strange name escaped his lips when you were the one below him? Why was it that when you confronted him later about that quiet, almost inaudible "Johnny" that escaped his lips mid-thrust, he completely shut you out, sneering at you to mind your own fucking business, before getting up and leaving abruptly?
The third time was late in the night again. You had work the next morning, but for some reason your body just couldn't seem to relax and wind down, leaving you tossing and turning in bed, while Simon lay fast asleep beside you. You let out a soft sigh, turning to face him, when the words coming out of his mouth during sleep made you freeze again. That name again. "Johnny". Spoken in that same tone. The kind of tone you'd use for a lover. The kind of tone that he had never spoken even your name in. You stare at his sleeping face, watching as his brows twitched in sleep, something deep and unfamiliar settling in your stomach— something discomforting.
The fourth time was the time everything fell into place. You were doing laundry, sorting clothes and turning them inside out, checking pockets to make sure no money or anything of the sort was left inside before being put in the washing machine. Your hands reached for the next article of clothing— one of Simon's camo pants, the ones he wore nearly every single day. Checking it's pockets, you stopped as you felt something in the back pocket. You pulled it out, staring at the object. It was a photograph, slightly crumpled with time, of a young man with striking blue eyes and a mohawk, sat next to your boyfriend, Simon, both holding beer glasses in their hands. A bright smile sat on the young man's face, head touching Simon's.
You didnt know who he was, but assumed he was a member from his team. After all, Simon never told you anything about his team. Turning the photograph around, your eyes flicked over to the writing on the back. 'Johnny likes the beer from the pub up north'— scribbled in your boyfriend's messy handwriting, like a note to himself as a reminder. That's when it clicked. That 'Johnny' Simon had been letting the name slip of was him. The man in the picture. Now that you think about it, Simon had mentioned him before— wasnt he the one who was K.I.A a while back?
It wasn't hard to figure out. The way Simon had been more closed off. The way hed been more irritable, snapping easily and lashing out for seemingly no reason. Letting that name slip in quite moments of vulnerability so softly and utterly gently, the realisation dawning on you.
Simon Riley may love you, but he will never be in love with you, for his heart already belongs to him.
a/n: I'm sorry I hate reading angst but I love writing it its legit the only thing I know how to write I cant write romance properly😭💔🙏
