It takes a while for the cogs in your head to turn.

Your habit of ignoring yourself tends to cling on, even though you’re making a conscious effort to stop. Since dinner began a deep, buried sense of unease had anchored itself in your stomach. A feeling you think would be similar to what a military general feels during war—a consuming, primal sense of alarm.

You know the reason now, and you can’t help the embarrassment crawling up the back of your neck at the minor reason.

People will flirt and try their best with Suguru, even if he’s taken. It’s a statement you chant to yourself as you take fluttering glances at him and the friend of your friend, Sana, smiling delicately at him.

when there’s no mission and no empty feeling in his chest, toji busies himself with his garden. when it’s just quiet and he can hear himself think, see himself clearly, eyes shutting upon a whisper of solitude, nature calls to him.

he’s always felt so connected to the earth around him. growing up in the countryside instilled in him such a deep appreciation for greenery, for creeks and lakes, mountains and hills, flatlands and wetlands just alike.

it’s always calmed him, always reminded him of who he truly is that it was destined for him to keep a garden.

it’s nothing too crazy and definitely not too obvious. he doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t mention it. he washes his hands thoroughly to rid himself of the effort he’s put in but you can see the pleats of land he’s mapped out in order to nurture his garden the right way. it’s not rushed, just pure patience and devotion. he goes out to it almost every day or when he can, just to watch his babies grow and sprout into the air.

he keeps his garden close to his chest. it’s something he chooses to conceal, not because he’s ashamed, but the complete opposite. he’s so proud of his hostas, beautiful plaintain lillies pushing from out of the lush green. they are so vivid, perfect looking because he takes such good, particular care of them. and same for his azaleas.

all of his babies are so sacred to him that he cannot show them to anyone else. he considers them a weakness. if anyone knew he kept a beautiful garden it would shatter his image that he’s fought hard to keep.

but he can’t help but let you see them the third time you visit him in his home. everything about it is so quaint and clean, so unlike everything that you thought toji was, but he is so full of surprises.

contrary to popular belief, toji is not predictable at all. he is so content with his being and so confident that most seem to think they have him figured out, but that is so far from the truth.

he enjoys the speculations, though. all of the rumors that he is so cold-blooded, so dark and evil and so-far removed from anything that could be beautiful.

but toji is beauty, he’s spent his whole life being the ugly, seeing the ugly, feeling the ugly. after a certain point, toji decided that he would no longer ignore the beauty of life. he would give in, and let his need for beauty saunter and settle deep within the throes of his soul.

he has such a deep need for beauty, which is why he finds himself wanting to be around you so much, to see you so much.

he would let you in, let you see him. and it scares him, watching you walk through his garden in awe of it because he knows it would shatter any preconceptions about what you thought you knew about him. and as you walk and touch the waxy tendrils of his hardwork, you realize you were wrong.

you were so wrong about him.

he thinks that is why he felt he had to show you this side of him, or else you would see him like everybody else did. ugly and scarred, mean and angry, and though that is him he is also beautiful and patient and so very in love with you.

it smells of fertilizer and earth, and as you walk through his garden you feel the tears rise in your eyes.

hydrangeas, komatsuna, and kabu all sprouting, all beautifully there and fragrant and beautiful. they are so neatly placed, intentional and purposeful.

“do you like it?” he asks a second later, his eyes following you as you bask in the awe of toji’s love for his garden and for you.

you turn to face him. black hair fanning his forehead as he leans against the back door. his arms are crossed, black shirt hugging his chest in such a way that you start to feel weak. so so weak.

“i love it,” you smile, taking careful steps to join him. “they’re beautiful, toji.”

he grins at that, lips stretching and pursing to place a kiss right on your cheek once you reach him.

you hug him, enclosing him in your love that grows like his beloved garden.

and before he can sweep you into his home and make love to you, you touch his face. “you’re so beautiful, toji.”

he smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours. “i know.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Just scroll if you don't like it!" - this doesn't negate the fact they're posting disgusting scenarios. They're targeting an audience of people who should seek therapy. That kind of shit is not okay.

It's like saying "scroll part a zoophile account on Twitter if u don't like it." See how stupid it sounds?

This Fandom is slowly becoming one i regret being in because of just how disgusting people are becoming. Come on guys, do better.

It's okay to have kinks and fetishes, but that doesn't mean they're okay. It's not okay to sexualize minors, it's not okay to sexualizw little space, it's not okay to sexualize r//pe! I get dubcon, but noncon? That's literally just nonconsensual sex.

Anyways. Rant over. Do better, people.

---

Edit: I have MUCH more to say on this now that I've read some other inputs:

The problem isn't "block and move on" or "ur arguing for fiction..." it's the fact people are exposing minors and already mentally ill people to VERY REAL and DISGUSTING scenarios. It doesn't matter that they're fictional, what they're writing about is a real issue. Blocking tags doesn't work most of the time, so stop saying to shut up and just use that feature.

Another thing is that people are making these writings so normal that they are making others think it's okay. When I was younger, I had unsupervised internet access and was exposed to smut like this. It messed me up and got me institutionalized because I didn't know it wasn't okay to talk about. Minors nowadays are also very unsupervised and will come across your stuff. I'm worried for the next generation.

Last thing, the excuse "they're just fiction" is flawed because you're ignoring the PSA! You wouldn't say this if it was about something else, right? If someone was saying: "I love lolicon!" You wouldn't block and move on. You would call their asses out and comment bomb them. It's the same concept, except on a broader spectrum. You're enabling the behavior of these vile creatures that need serious help. You're not doing anyone any good by saying "this is so unnecessary" or "they're fictional..."

PAIRING ★ toji f. x reader

GENRE ★ fluff

WARNINGS ★ mentions of body parts

A/N ★ jus a lil domestic blurb. like i always tend to post lmfao. this one is very close and dear to my heart i love it so. as always, reblogs, likes, comments are very appreciated! hope u like <3

“where do you see yourself in…twenty years?”

light touches and fleeting purses of lips, warmth from a love so new. the curve of his lashes, the sink of his cheeks, the pink of his tongue, the pulse of his wrist; being in love with toji fushiguro is the pinnacle of the human experience.

you think this is what it means to be alive. heartbeats and wet eyes, you exhale and inhale for the sole purpose of watching him breath you back into him; for the sole purpose of being loved by him.

“won’t i be dead?”

you’re tucked in a safe haven that is his arms and held close by the fingers of his spirit. you stay inside this bubble, never to stray.

and why should you? you are given the one thing most people don’t get: real, true, unfiltered love. there is no mistaking it. you are truly and irrevocably in love with a man that is as tall as trees and as broad as the country-side.

“i’d hope you’re not dead, toji.”

toji fushiguro takes up the entirety of your space. he is in your kitchen, in your bedroom, and in your heart all at the same time. he is everywhere, like a god.

he is everywhere.

“i do.”

your lips are tucked inside your mouth as you stare at the way the moles on his jaw move as he chews, temple pulsing as he swallows down the love you’ve fed him.

it trickles down his throat, wetting his dry mouth with the desire to kiss more and more of you; taste more and more of you until you are the only thing he can taste. it fills his stomach and sits undigested before it spreads and begins to puncture the flesh of his organs and his veins. like a virus your love paralyzes him and he can’t help but to sit idly in need for more. his hunger for something more is satiated and no more because your love lingers and leaves no traces of hesitation.

with you he experiences a stillness that nestles itself deep within the red-colored flesh of his heart.

“why do you want to die so…so badly? aren’t you afraid?”

it’s human. him. you. all of it. this raging love that pulses hot under your pulse, that’s all it is. all skin and bones, muscle and tissue, blood and guts.

“you think death itself is somethin’ that it’s really not. everyone thinks of death as an ending, but it’s really a new beginning. don’t think of it as something to fear, think of it as somethin’ to achieve. a break. a new start. a new life. or maybe just a time of rest.

“whatever it is…i fuckin’ deserve it. i’ve worked my ass off for it. for the ability to let all of this shit go for good.”

his breathing slows slightly; chest slowly rising and falling like the tides in the ocean. whispers of the air that he’s taken into his lungs fanning over your face and you breathe it in, reminding you of the sweet breeze of night. and there, right in his arms, you make the connection of loving toji to something otherworldly. an out of body experience, it’s something deeper more natural and guttural.

you find that with loving him, you’re loving the entirety of nature. the cycle of life and death, the birds, the grass, the rain, the city, the art, the music, the pain, the agony, the war. everything.

you find him in everything around you.

and that’s fucking beautiful.

his eyes are on you, though. careful, complacent, a little jumpy with anticipation for your reaction. you’re cruel, only giving him a blink with your mouth still parted and stuck like you’ve been frozen in place by some invisible elsa.

he furrows his eyebrows a little bit at the silence, his green eyes narrowing a little in what seems to be humiliation. he didn’t know what exactly had come over him when he kissed you, but he felt it had been the right time to make his first move. he wasn’t a big believer in waiting, especially when what he wanted was right in front of him and looking up at him with flirtatious eyes.

and he hopes you don’t believe that he has any other motive, none other than to simply maybe be with you. toji doesn’t doubt himself or his actions much. he was a purposeful man that did things because he wanted to, and he wanted you to know that. and you finally did because the scrape of the bottom of his shoe against the concrete seems to snap you out of your trance and you suddenly propel forward.

your lips hit his, a little hard albeit, but they’re still on his and he’s still just like you, too, before he’s giving you a small grin and bending down more to kiss you properly.

it’s light, rightly so, and addicting. his lips are warm and even though they’re a little chapped, his tongue soon comes to smooth over yours and distract you from thinking any more thoughts. he tastes of strawberry mochi and warm hot chocolate, creating an intoxicating blend that makes your insides tremor and your hands roam.

they start at his face, caressing the harsh curve of his cheeks before they slide behind his neck, grabbing at the hairs on his nape that you tug. he groans into your mouth, his hands springing into action as they begin their descent until they settle on your ass where he squeezes.

when you gasp, he takes the opportunity to gently suck on your tongue, creating a suction that makes you moan out and grip the back of his head closer to you.

when he cups your face with both of his hands, you moan again, deciding now to pull away before you end up jumping him right on the street because you have no shame — not when you feel like this. not when toji’s lips slot perfectly against yours and act as an aphrodisiac, putting you under a hazy spell that leaves your eyelids fluttering and legs buckling under you.

before you pull away completely, your tongue darts out to lick the scar on his lips and you can feel toji’s body shudder. he groans again, going in to kiss you again but you shove your face against his chest.

his chest is moving steadily when you finally see him; up and down, almost hypnotizing you and bringing you promises of dreams of seeing that same chest naked and littered with perspiration and dark marks that have been left by you.

“that was,” you breathe out, a smile beginning to spread on your face.

toji’s still heaving, placing his forehead against yours and you lose your train of thought at the feel of his warm breath fanning your face.

“mm,” he hums. “was what, kid?”

you inhale. “amazing.”

“yeah?”

“yeah, toji. yeah,” you nod your head, wrapping your arms around him.

it’s a moment of silence, sweet silence filled with promises of a future. a future where he kisses you like that all the time and you’re left in this same spot together more times than none, holding and cherishing, breathing each other in.

“do you wanna—um—maybe, like, come up? if-if you want of cour-”

his lips cut you off. a soft peck and another before you part your lips but he doesn’t indulge you, instead he leans away and gives you an amusing look and you can’t help but stare because god he is beautiful.

he licks his lips, and you swear you’re tantalized. he gives you one more peck before he speaks, hands tightening against your waist.

“lead the way, baby.”

honestly i’m like obsessed with the idea of kissing toji. like i’m not fucking okay. somebody help.