A/N: illuga centric. this is just a tiny collection of brainworms i have about them, i hope you like! this is my first proper headcanon list, so i hope you like it!
CW: lots of focus on the anxiety and unease that comes with ptsd. illuga's is based off of my own. if you are sensitive to content about that sort of thing, maybe avoid this one. not super intense, but still worth a mention, i think! always take care of yourself :)
-this is more of a canon, but illuga has ptsd. in my mind he gets sensory flashbacks, video-replay style flashbacks, and flashbacks that send him back to the emotions of traumatic moments.
-the last one i mentioned feels like a sort of catatonia, where he's locked in a state of fight or flight, in a sort of liminal space between past and present. i imagine that a career focused guy like him would get these kind of half-functional ones fairly often while working. he can do things through these, but it's like he's shut down and turned off. it's all fuzzy in a way where everything that touches him hurts, every sound is blaring, and every light is bright enough to block his vision. those ones are hard to break out of, and hard to console. illuga gets them on the job, and sort of plows through all wide eyed and stiff, quiet and too fast, because his brain is on autopilot and his nervous system is on fire. i think his team can identify these, and that they know when to give him his space.
-now. flins. coworkers not touching illuga's post traumatic episodes? understandable enough. his boyfriend? those shouldn't do that. i think he, who has his knack for helpful observations and subtle means for being polite and kind, is going to be able to spot these kinds of things. illuga does not want to be talked to or touched, not in public at least, in a flashback like this; but being discretely seen does wonders. flins will set out tea for him, or chocolate, or a note that says something easy to process like I love you, or a doodle of a candle.
-when illuga is feeling like that and they're at home, flins is doting. He keeps his voice quiet without whispering, and the lights low but not off. it's grounding. he understands that illuga doesn't like to feel coddled, but needs to feel supported.
-i think they share a lot of tea. no idea what their feelings on the drink are canonically, but to me, they're tea people. obviously, flins can't drink it, but he likes the smell, and illuga likes the taste and feeling. scented things, i think ones that smell warmer or sweeter, would be ways to spend mealtimes together before and after long days of work.
-illuga loves to be at the lighthouse with flins. it's isolated, quiet, and the air that close to the water is chilled and calming. the way they're both so aquainted and comfortable with the place relaxes him too. soldiers are used to being on edge; watching every exit and noting every movement. he knows he can drop that, as much as his instinct allows, when he's there. it's safe.
-fae are, almost no matter what lore you consult, curious. i think the only way that a relationship will work for flins is where the person he's with is equally curious. curious as in, searching for something. these two often chase about the same things, to me. their motivations are all tangled with community. illuga wants to help and protect community, flins wants to help keep it orderly and together. they're both always looking for the hows on those wishes, and the whys on the answers they find. they match each other's freaks, inquisitive style.
-both are big on acts of service. flins wants to do things that make people feel seen and cared for, illuga wants to do things that make people feel at ease and relaxed. flins will bring illuga little gifts, wash the dishes, read illuga's favourite books and stories. illuga will set out the things that flins might need the next day, handle a chore that he mentions finding tedious, and go out of his way to give flins company when he's set to do things he doesn't like so much. they balance well.
-they just feel safe together. their relationship lets them de-stress, and sit in tranquility for once. it's a dynamic where responsibilities aren't fixed roles or rules, just what the moment calls for. their care for each other is nice and easy, devout, and comfortable. they're important to each other in a way that lifts up the separate parts of their lives, too.
