an ode to

i’ve been having fucking cabin fever withdrawal symptoms where after hanging out with my friends i get stir crazy in the house. i tried to watch die, my love yesterday and it was genuinely triggering madness in me. the urge to chew glass and bang my head against the wall was very strong. even my little alley cat was looking at me crazy. i’m so desperate for social interaction but i get no satisfaction out of the time spent with the people around me. the people i love!

my parents are having a party tonight and im feeling like natalie waite. i don’t want to play with the kids (even though i know my mom will talk all about how good with children i am) and i don’t want to chat with the adults (i don’t want to perform!! i have nothing to talk about!!)

i’m coming to realize how terrorizing the Bad Thing actually was on my social abilities. i’m a great performer and i’m not afraid to talk with my peers (even if i come off as awkward and quiet toward people i don’t naturally click with) but when it comes to someone more Adult than me. i can’t do it. i have absolutely no idea how to navigate that relationship. when i was a teenager it was weird in a youthful way (awkward with older women, terrified or boundary-less with older men) but i’m an adult now, i know i’m seen as an adult, yet i continue to flounder. i don’t know my place and i don’t know what people want from me

coming to the realization that opening twitter will be MISERABLE while tvl is airing. no good conversations about incest on that hell site. let’s wrap it up right now guys

hangsaman. such a special kind of coming of age story (the subtlety of events and moments that burn themselves into your psyche ughhhh.) my first shirley jackson and she is such a special writer i’m eager to read the rest of her bibliography. i feel like i’ve read a lot of books and consumed a lot of media in the name of dream man research but hangsaman was the first fictional book i read where i was like i wish i had her brain. i wish i had the physical copy of this book so i could study every line of part one. goddddd part one!!!! truly beautiful shit everyone say thank you shirley jackson

nine months into my twenty-first year of life and the best thing i’ve come to understand regarding my foreseeable future has been the power of dry shampoo. my relationship with Big Messy curly hair has nothing on the csa revelation. like who caresss omggg. naturally curly hair, weekly wash. are you guys getting this??