Hogwarts House Chats

Slytherin: This is not my forte...

Gryffindor: Do you have anything that is your forte? This is easy, just say one thing you are thankful for

Slytherin: Definitely not this year

Hufflepuff: *sighs and puts head in hands* just one thing, Sly

Gryffindor: *hides snicker*

Slytherin: *raises eyebrows* Just one thing?

Ravenclaw: *gives Slytherin knowing look*

Slytherin: *sends Ravenclaw a smirk*

Hufflepuff: *unaware of the looks and nods* Yes, just one thing

Slytherin: My upcoming death

Ravenclaw: *snorts into hand*

Gryffindor: *bursts out laughing*

Hufflepuff: *glares at the three* I hate every one of you! How could you behave this way after I said I was thankful for you three?

Slytherin: Because we are terrible people

Ravenclaw: who lack respect or true care

Gryffindor: and just want to party!

Ravenclaw and Slytherin: *send Gryffindor a look*

Gryffindor: *sighs* who just want to be doing as we please

Slytherin: *rolls eyes* yeah, thanks for ruining that moment, Gryf

Hufflepuff: *gaps* There is something more positive you are thankful for!

Hufflepuff: *logs into tumblr for the first time in ages and reads the newer posts before messaging Sly* Who is your new Puff friend??? I want to meet them!

Slytherin: Puff…you are so dumb I swear

Hufflepuff: Why am I dumb? They would be a perfect addition to the cult

Slytherin: you don’t remember??? You had those conversations with us….thats you

Hufflepuff: wait…it’s me!?

Slytherin: who else would be proud of going to bed past midnight?

So what is the thing you have learned that you thought most useful at college?

Slytherin: uhhh…. I didn’t necessarily learn it at college but I realized I somehow already knew poker despite never playing it before and I have literally no idea how

Ravenclaw: ooooh, I sort of know how to play poker. It just follows a pattern

Slytherin: well yeah, that’s pretty much every card game

Ravenclaw: True tho

Slytherin: I learned that I am not the most messy person that can exist. That is what I learned I guess.

Hufflepuff: what has you knowing that?

Slytherin: *thinking back to one of their suitemates and the pot of pasta that has been on the counter for a week*….I don’t want to talk about it

Gryffindor: okay…I learned that I need some sort of filter because my roommate absolutely doesn’t get my humor the way Sly does. She looks at me like I’m the meanest person on the planet

Slytherin: but you low key weren’t wrong in being mean to that person. It was deserved. Your roommate just is sort of sensitive or something

Gryffindor: everyone is sensitive here

Hufflepuff: no, you guys are both just mean

Slytherin: says the bully. What have you even learned? You can’t sit here being a bully if you aren’t going to even answer the question?

Ravenclaw: I mean, to be fair to Puff, you do need a filter….like a britta but for your mouth. You can cuss out the drama here and obvi to Gryf but towards them you need to be ✨nice✨

Slytherin: mmmmm, nice? I low key may have called someone an idiot to their face and they didn’t even realize

Gryffindor: you called several people idiots and they didn’t even realize

Slytherin: it just goes to show how stupid they are

Ravenclaw:….be ✨nice✨ with a hint of sarcasm

Slytherin: Ah yes, my default mode

Gryffindor: well what is your advice to me seeing as I deliberately am doing the opposite of what my roommate wants simply because she is going through so much effort to have me do otherwise

Hufflepuff: you both are so mean!

Slytherin: I like to think of it as we are brutally accurate

Gryffindor: with no cherries or whipped cream on type since none of us will be becoming whipped

Slytherin: how embarrassing is it that people could call eachother boo bear and talk about getting din din with a significant other? Ew. That is so embarrassing for you

Gryffindor: literally

Most impressive thing you have done so far at college?

Gryffindor: I actually convinced the parents I was going to join a co-ed fraternity

Slytherin: that was actually so funny

Gryffindor: the way none of them had the guts to tell me it was a bad idea 💀

Ravenclaw: I actually went through what we call murder alley and walked past someone with a hazmat suit.

Slytherin: Uh chill anyways… I think when I finished my one essay in like 10 minutes, not because I had to but because I got in the mood for it, that it was pretty impressive

Gryffindor: I thought that took you literal hours to finish?

Slytherin: No, I just sat there messing around and letting you think I was doing it for literal hours. I actually only started it once I was back in my dorm

Gryffindor: you are actually ridiculous

Slytherin: why thank you

Hufflepuff: I went to bed past midnight

Gryffindor: you are a disappointment to society…you could have said being social and driving to visit New York over the weekend but you say that? Why am I friends with you?

*Hufflepuff is having a weird dream*

Hufflepuff: *bites into a baby carrot and their is a little metal pole on the inside and so she glances to a person* The baby carrots must be trying to start a Revolution against the other vegetables and we are eating their warriors

*cue scene change to all these carrots with swords climbing out of the ground and charging at broccoli*

Hufflepuff: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MORE PEOPLE FOR MY CULT!

Ravenclaw: Hufflepuff.... *sigh* you know what, whatever. Thank you for over one thousand followers! *turns to Slytherin* Why didn’t you tell us sooner?

Slytherin: I didn’t notice sooner! Quit being a bully, okay?! You could have checked too! But anyways, you aren’t important to me rn, Ravenclaw. What is important are the new people! I have no idea what would make them join this craziness but uh thanks! None of us thought it would get this far tbh. Our normal everyday interactions just were meant to be a tad funny and we thought it would be fun to share them but we never expected them to actually get popular so thanks for sticking around.

Gryffindor: I’m honestly not even sticking around much

Slytherin: Hardy har har, Gryf.

Gryffindor: *sticks tongue out at Sly*

Slytherin: *sticks tongue back out at Gryf*

*Ravenclaw was having two separate conversations with Hufflepuff and Slytherin and these are the results of that

Ravenclaw: I was wondering...do you think that if a person takes the polyjuice potion they turn into the person’s current age or the age that they got the hair from? This is very important. Like could you take the hair from a baby 10 years ago and drink polyjuice and turn into that baby or the 10 year old version of the kid? I’m having an existential crisis over this.

Slytherin: That’s actually a good question. I think it would be the age the person was that their was taken from bc like DNA, right? So the hair wouldn’t continue aging and whatnot so wouldn’t it just go to the age it was from? But maybe it doesn’t bc magic and stuff?

Hufflepuff: I’m leaning towards age of when they got the hair bc of DNA and stuff but it could be the other

Ravenclaw: Now another question: by that logic, could you hypothetically take a hair from your younger self and have a soft of eternal youth? Like you never physically age so long as you drink polyjuice.

Slytherin: Hmm, I suppose so if you kept taking the potion

Ravenclaw: Sort of like how the philosophers stone works

Slytherin: yeah, I think so

Ravenclaw: oh my Merlin, the potential of the story. Literally Voldemort could have gone back into time using a time turner and gone to the orphanage and stolen a hair brush. Who needs horcruxes?

Slytherin: Legit. He just wasn’t smart enough to actually think about that Ig

Ravenclaw: Okay, another question: by extension could you take a hair from a person who will eventually die and then turn into them after they are dead? Can you tell I’m spiralling?

Slytherin: I can in fact tell and I believe that, by logic of the other question’s answer, you could in fact do that.

Ravenclaw: *sends a pic of convo with Slytherin to Hufflepuff*

Hufflepuff: Hey! We have the same thought process! Also if you could turn into younger I think you could turn into someone who is dead bc you have their hair from when they were alive. But the whole you can be younger thing works... as long as you don’t run out of hair

Ravenclaw: but then you could time turn to a different point in time and get more DNA.

Hufflepuff: But does the polyjuice potion change DNA??? Like are you actually that person or are you covered in like a magic cloak thing bc if it doesn’t change DNA you would still be old

Ravenclaw: Now that is the million dollar question

Hufflepuff: Ask Sly

Ravenclaw: Bc in the 7 potters Hermione comments on Harry’s horrid eyesight and Ron makes that relieved comment about Ginny lying about Harry’s tattoo

Hufflepuff: TATOO?! I don’t remember that... oh wait

Ravenclaw: It was a thing. It was a really small comment but it throws a wrench bc tattoos are not DNA and the whole joke is that the tattoo would’ve appeared.

Hufflepuff: but isn’t polyjuice potion more of a cloaking thing, so it’s like they get to wear the other person’s skin? So it doesn’t really matter that the tattoo isn’t DNA it still would show up bc they are essentially copying the other person

Ravenclaw: Then why can’t Hermione see from her own eyesight?

Hufflepuff: Bc they are wearing the other person’s skin so they see the world through their eyes

Ravenclaw: Hmm that might explain

Ravenclaw: Okay another question: say you take a hair from Tony’s in one of her transformed forms, would you turn into OG Tonks or neon hair Tonks? And would you have the power to transform?

Slytherin: I think in that type of situation, you would originally transform into the form she was in but I think you would have the power to transform?

Ravenclaw: So if you transformed into Tonks, you could become Metamorphagus. By that logic, you changed into the Marauders, would you be animagi?

Slytherin: Hmmm, I’m not sure about that one tho bc it’s a different process they had to do in order to gain but if you said yes, it would depend on time you changed into them.

Ravenclaw: Wait, if Voldemort took a hair from Tom Riddle would he become himself?

Slytherin: I think he would become himself in Tom Riddle’s form not Voldemort’s form but Ig so

Ravenclaw: The perfect disguise

Slytherin: Literally. He could get away with acting like a student so long as he avoided certain professors

Ravenclaw: OOOOOOO new complication... we know that Moody had a leg stump and eyepatch right? So did Barth Crouch Jr. magically grow a leg and eyeball when the polyjuice wore off?

Slytherin: yeah Ig

Ravenclaw: I really need to stop. I’ve spent 45 minutes not working

Hufflepuff: Broseph stop. This was not meant to be analyzed this much. But with the Moody thing, it could be the same argument as Harry’s eyesight.

Slytherin: I’m curious about whether, if someone took a squib or muggle’s hair, they would be able to do magic with their wands in that form or not

Hufflepuff: I don’t think they would be able to bc of the whole through their eyes with their skin. They can’t do magic, therefore, you can’t do magic.

Ravenclaw: Wait no bc in Deathly Hallows, Harry and Hermione use polyjuice when they go to Grodrics Hollow into muggles and they do magic

Hufflepuff: But did they do magic as the muggles or did they do magic as them desgisedw lol that’s not even a word. No actually, my question is movie or book. Bc I remember that in the movie but not the book

Ravenclaw: Idk, I will check later

Hufflepuff: *texts Slytherin their side of the convo with Ravenclaw*

Slytherin: *sends text back to Hufflepuff* Honestly it’s a complicated thing to think about. Do you know whether Ravenclaw looked it up?

Hufflepuff: Nope

Ravenclaw: Always manages to sus out imposters without even strategizing, just instead randomly targeting friends and getting them voted out only to find out they really were an imposter. Still trying to figure out the point of doing tasks when you can just have fun acting sus to get under friend’s skins or even getting the imposters ejected. In all honesty, Ravenclaw is the type of player to prefer not to do tasks and just mess around with everyone else while somehow big braining everyone to still win their games. They will go to help with fixing sabotages though.

Hufflepuff: Hufflepuff prefers to be with their friends when they can but will go do random tasks. Often times, Huff will start doing random tasks before hearing that one of their friends has a visual and then sticking with them for the rest of the game. Hufflepuff loves to be able to be a alibi for friends and have them be one back. Hufflepuff on the other hand will be suspicious if they have a visual task and you do not and will think you are the imposter for the rest of the game. Similar to Sly, Hufflepuff waits to do visuals to see if they can have someone watch but they will give up if nobody comes by and just do it before going to find a friend to follow.

Gryffindor: Prefers to stick with people most of the time while doing tasks or randomly running off, shouting about how you don’t think the imposter would kill you as Gryf heads into electrical before dying. Gryffindor’s first game as imposter most famously consisted of them thinking they were imposter due to the music and trying to kill people when they couldn’t. They are good at doing their tasks though. Either way, Gryffindor either does some kind of stupid things or manages to pull a huge big brain on people with how they soemhow always find the trustworthy cressmates.

Slytherin: What is Huff’s birthday again?

Gryffindor: Uh, I don’t know?

Slytherin: That reminds me of brithstones... April’s was... apples.

Gryffindor and Slytherin: ....

Slytherin: You want to go coffin shopping 💖

Ravenclaw: Yes

Slytherin: Perfect because thats what I’m doing since our friend is not responding and must be dead. Anyways, what color?

Ravenclaw: Neon green

Slytherin: not neon green! Oh my goodness. Why are only children ones coming up?

Ravenclaw: Why aren’t you at least doing some bs for your homework?

Slytherin: Because I can’t find the motivation. Anyways, I just found a build your own casket.

Ravenclaw: I would totally do that

Slytherin: We should get the group together to do them!

Ravenclaw: YES. EPIC. DEMONIC BUT EPIC.

Slytherin: Okay, coffin selected. Now flowers are needed.

Ravenclaw: Lilacs, tulips, roses. I don’t know.

Slytherin: hmmm... okay. We need music and photos for her then?

Ravenclaw: Omg 🤦‍♀️

Slytherin: This music is going to add a little bit of ✨ spice ✨ to this funeral

Ravenclaw: YES PLEASE. How ironic do you want me to be?

Slytherin: Ironic

Ravenclaw: first song best be “How to Save a Life”

Slytherin: I’m adding “Highway to Hell”

Ravenclaw: Then the Backyardigans theme song! Oh and “Hello”! This list will be chaos.

Slytherin: Gryf?

Gryffindor: Sly

Slytherin: if I’m always cold...wouldn’t that mean I’m always a warmer temperature than what is around me? If it is cold and I’m cold naturally, then shouldn’t it feel like my normal temperature?

Gryffindor: Sly-

Slytherin: also, how can the temperature make me feel colder than it? It should only feel cold till I become that temperature. Ice doesn’t get colder than the freezer. Boiling water doesn’t get hotter than the fire heating it. Why can I get colder than the temperature around me? That doesn’t make any sense!

Gryffindor: right but-

Slytherin: or you! You always are warm so the temperature should feel freezing to you since you are warmer than it by a lot and it has a huge temperature difference but you don’t even mind it! It’s not fair

Gryffindor: you are not fair

Slytherin: *looks to Gryffindor with a raised eyebrow* excuse me?

Gryffindor: ....

Slytherin: ....Gryf?

Gryffindor: you literally need to pause and breath. I have no idea.... we should ask Ravenclaw

Slytherin: .... why didn’t I do that in the first place?

Gryffindor: because you aren’t smart

Ravenclaw: *while reading* Is that rain?

Gryffindor: No, that’s your brain. This is all in your brain.

Ravenclaw: *still reading* But is it really rain?

Gryffindor: *ignores and continued to ramble* ...This is your brain on drugs

Ravenclaw: *looks over, unamused* you are drugs

Hufflepuff: *looking around a sunflower field* I want to take one...

Slytherin: Don’t take one. If you do, it will die

Hufflepuff: nooooo...Wait, what?

Slytherin: If you take one, it will die

Hufflepuff: No, it won’t!

Slytherin: Yes, it will

Hufflepuff: *pouts* I’m taking one

Gryffindor: *grins* I will help!

Hufflepuff: *smiles at Gryffindor* Thanks Gryf!

Gryffindor: No problem, Huff!

Hufflepuff and Gryffindor: *highfive*

*Houses standing in a field*

Hufflepuff: I want to run through this field...

Ravenclaw: *sighs* Please don’t. You will trip and we don’t want you-

Slytherin: *cuts Ravenclaw off after processing what Hufflepuff said* Do it

Gryffindor: *glances towards Hufflepuff before speeding up*

Hufflepuff: *catches Gryffindor’s gaze before also speeding up*

Gryffindor: I will beat you! *starts to quickly run off*

Hufflepuff: Get back here, Gryffindor! This was my idea first! *races after Gryffindor*

Ravenclaw: *groans quietly before turning to Slytherin* Why? Why would you do this?

Slytherin: *smirks* Because it is fun to see you annoyed...

Ravenclaw: *stares at them* We both know that can’t be the only reason...

Slytherin: okay...maybe I wanted Hufflepuff to have some fun *looks away*

Ravenclaw: ....You wanted Gryffindor to run and fall didn’t you *sighs* that makes me feel worse. Now I have to go after them to stop them *runs after the group*

This is based on a post that Slytherin found and showed the rest of the houses about how auto might secretly be our FBI agents trying to have a little bit of fun when auto seems to mess up for some completely random reason.

Hufflepuff: Hufflepuff has an angent that is pure chaos and loves to disagree with her views on people she talks about. If Huff is ever mad at a friend, it will auto correct her words into thanking that friend. It does take sympathy when she is tired though and will correctly fix her words although sometimes it has a little fun with a word and changes having into something like havigg for no real reason other than to have a small laugh.

Ravenclaw: Ravenclaw’s is often late to work and only choses to join in occasionally when they arrive. They just are a very tired agent that doesn’t want to deal with the randomness of four Hogwarts houses. When the agent actually shows up, it is not a let down. The agent goes full on mean and rude to everyone, being full on aggressive about having to be present. This agent truly needs some therapy (much like Ravenclaw herself does).

Slytherin: Hers used to not show up very much, preferring to just chill and enjoy the chaos but more recently, it has taken the habit of bullying everything Slytherin does. Sly will be typing something complete find and then the agent will just change it to be either mean like making show into sluggish and practically calling Sly lazy or changing main into maim. Her agent likes to cause drama if it is through warnings or threats them selves.