Barista Probs

Me: *internal sigh* yeah, absolutely! Anything else I can get you today? *He orders this every time and I, unfortunately, know what he means*

Regular: She’ll have a decaf iced coffee

Me: definitely, we have the pour overs now so that’s super easy!

Regular: Oh, I forgot about that! Can I change mine? You guys have the pikes place, right?

Me: yes, that’s the only decaf we brew! So, two decaf iced coffees…

Reg: No water in mine, tho

Me: … Yep, it’ll just be the ice that I dilute it with. So I’ve got both of those iced coffees, was there anything else?

Reg: No, but I don’t want water in my drink

Me: 😐 yeah, no extra water. Anything else?

Reg: no, we’re good.

*hands them their drinks because they’re done thanks to your neverending bullshit*

Reg: this is decaf, right?

Me: 🙃🙃🙃 yes, they’re both decaf

Reg: ok, good *walks to their table*

(background info, I’m a barista. I make drinks all day.)

So, I was at work today and all of a sudden had a strong craving for apple pie. We don’t sell that in our cafe, so my next best option was to make up a drink that tastes like it. I steamed some apple cider and added some other syrups that I thought might work… And after it was done, it smelled exactly like a warm pie. I set some aside to try, and when I finally had the time to drink it, I cried because it tasted exactly the way I hoped it would.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

(…or mutter under my breath, or whisper into the headset)

TEMPERATURES ARE SLOWLY RISING. (I’M IN THE SOUTH, IT NEVER ACTUALLY GOT COLD… EXCEPT FOR THOSE 7 DAYS IT SNOWED… FUCK SNOW.)  

SO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. 

FRAPPUCCINOS. FRAPPUCCINOS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. 

AND WHAT’S WORSE, THE GODDAMN “SECRET MENU”

IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. SO I MADE A CHART OF THE MOST COMMON SECRET MENU FRAPPS I’VE SEEN.  

KEEP IT IN YOUR POCKET. 

KEEP IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR NAMETAG (IF YOU’RE A B&N CAFE LIKE ME)

TAPE IT TO THE FUCKING BLENDER IF YOUR MANAGER WILL LET YOU

AND REMEMBER, IF THEY ONLY GIVE YOU THE NAME OF THE DRINK,

TELL THEM THE SECRET MENU DOESN’T EXIST AND IT’S LITTLE SHITS LIKE THEM WHO PERPETUATE THE NOTION THAT IT DOES

TELL THEM TO GIVE YOU THE FUCKING RECIPE THE NEXT TIME AND STOP HOLDING UP YOUR LINE. 

FUCK THE SECRET MENU.

Every B&N cafe server EVER (via notastarbucks)