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@refugetm
REFUGETM, a original & private interpretation of gina macnamara, in affiliation with the group verse @gonighthawks. please do not interact if you are not in the group. will follow from @hatchetbabes.
dossier. aesthetics. headcanons. character study.
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"It wasn't your fault, you know."
As much as he knows that, it doesn't fully relax his bristling nerves. Deserved or not, the hurt and anger remains. "I know." He tries to sound like he means it, and surprises himself with how convincing it sounds. Maybe the rank has made him a better liar by virtue of necessity. He doesn't elaborate for a moment, occupying himself with the cigarette, but he can't help the faintest smile tugging at his mouth at the familiarity of the request. "I'm a general now, Gina... I think good beer is the least I can do."
He tries to keep the ghost of Cross at bay in the comment, the cost of the rank hanging heavy in his bones every time it's brought to his attention. With a solemn nod, he ashes his cigarette.
"We can talk, whenever you're ready. You should take some time to settle first, I'm not going anywhere." Internally, he winces at the wording. An unintentional barb, at least, he tells himself that wasn't the intention. "There's enough to keep me busy. Never a dull day here."
Gina wouldn't blame John for any resentment he had towards her. She knew that he had been hurting too. She knew that her running away would only hurt him worse. In a time where her big brother might have needed her, she wasn't there. That guilt did eat away at her frequently, but she knew John would understand her reasoning above all else. He was her shield first. Had been since day one.
A small smile tugged at her lips at his comment about the beer, releasing a breath around the knot in her chest. "I'm sorry," she began with honest sincerity. "After what happened... After that day, I... I couldn't stay here, John. Everything Wilbur had led me to believe had been a lie. He made me believe that I loved him and that he..." She closed her eyes and released a quiet a sigh, giving a shake of her head before lashes blinked open to find her brother again, "You don't do what he did to someone you love. Whether it was you or me. Everything he led us to believe turned out to be selfish and cold and evil... and what little hope he gave me that love could be something different than what you and I grew up with was shattered the second he grabbed me and tried to kill me in front of you. So, I've spent the past fifteen years coming to terms with all of that. Trying to both heal that naive girl within me that's begging to be loved but also ensure that something like that never happens again."
i'm drinking a whiskey ginger.
The blunt response gives him some pause, blinking at her as she continues with saying she would like a refill. She mentioned the pleasantries of it all and he blinks again. Confusion hits his features momentarily before he realizes what the push of it could mean. He feels his stomach flutter to life with a warmth that only butterflies of eagerness could create. It makes him smile slowly, that coy smirk he'd been trying to play into now something a little more confident as he pieces together that this could work in his favor. Now, mind you, he wasn't generally a one and done or hit and run if you will. Call him a lover boy at heart, but he enjoyed the post-sex cuddles and/or the sleeping next to one another that could follow. Malone craved that human affection even if he acted like he didn't mind the lonely, busy life of a private investigator.
"Whiskey ginger," he repeats back, eyes darting over her expression then away to turn slightly. He takes a sip from his pina colada and lifts his free hand, waving down the bartender. The man steps over and Malone grins at him, "Could we get a whiskey ginger for the lady and another one of these coladas for me?" A nod was given and he smiled his thanks before turning his attention back to the woman.
"Tony, by the way," he holds his hand towards her as if to offer up the chance to shake it, "I'd guess yours, but uh... I get the feeling you wouldn't care for that game off the bat." A small, slightly nervous, chuckle leaves him.
her gaze flickered to the curvacious glass with only a couple of sips left and a dainty little umbrella still resting on the edge. it brought a light little smirk to her lips. aside from his reassurances, creeps didn't typically sip fruity little cocktails. in fact, it seemed to be a rare art these days. no, they usually stuck to shitty beer or whiskey straight. something to knock her over with their breath. but this guy? the mixture of his demeanor and the drink had her intrigued. who was he?
" i'd entertain it, but i'll save you the time, " she teased with a light twist of her lips, her own hand that was bedecked with chipped violet nail polish lifting to shake his. something strong, firm. something to show him she knew what she was capable of. " it's gina . . . i can't say i see tropical cocktails floating around these days. nice to know that it truly is five o'clock somewhere, even in shit stain, michigan. "
"You don't have to keep it." John fights to keep his tone casual, watching @refugetm out of the corner of his eye as he exhales a cloud of smoke, blowing it out of the far corner of his mouth as a matter of courtesy. When he'd kept the lease current, he wasn't thinking about the memories. At least, not after the first year. When he sometimes dropped by as if she might open the door. He didn't tell her about that when he handed over the keys. He didn't think of memory in the way of a double edged sword that what he clung to as the world upended was the same thing she left to escape. The general doesn't say a word about it beyond.
"I thought you might need somewhere to get your feet under you if you came back, and the last thing you'd need is to be stuck in my guest room." A meaner dog sits inside him, one whose slipping leash was once well in hand. A protective instinct that sits with bristled fur and teeth exposed, his animosity isn't entirely aimed towards Gina but it doesn't preserve her entirely from the risk. You need your space after all.
gina had been gone for fifteen years. she had no expectations of any trace of her being left in hatchetfield. maybe a thing or two that john kept for sentimentalities sake, and truly, maybe she should have sold off her things before leaving. but when she had left, she had needed to get out of hatchetfield and to never look back. that place carried too many demons, and the wilbur incident? it had been the final straw to truly break her.
she knew it was selfish to leave john behind. he was also mourning wilbur or, rather, the idea of him that they had both been bamboozled by. but again, gina had to get out and she didn't have the time or energy to think any further beyond her own nose.
when john revealed her apartment to her, she was stunned. it was kept. there was hardly a lick of dust in the place. the fridge was understandably empty, but other than that, it was a time capsule of a girl past. a girl who had the world ahead of her with bright eyes despite nothing both terrible circumstances working against her. she wished, more than anything, that she could go back in time and protect that girl in her first twenty-something years of life.
she lifted her gaze from the keys in her hand and over to her brother, a light frown tugging at her lips. " it wasn't your fault, you know, " she murmured, pausing for another moment. " and it doesn't have to be tonight . . . but i'd really like to sit down and talk to you about everything. maybe with some good beer. or cheap beer. either will suffice, " she teased with a slight hint at a joking smile, one to try to lighten the mood. one to prove that she was doing better.
who: gina & tom ( @houstontm ) where: the grocery store
the army had been gina's ticket out of hell. john had held on as long as could with their parents, but two years before gina was qualified to enlist, he had enough. the two years in between? it had been hell with her parents, but gina made it through to the other side. screaming drill sergeants just seemed like a typical weekday from the household she had grown up in, so she had excelled with flying colors.
one of the buddies that she had made in her first couple of years had been tom houston. he was a laid back guy, a hometown guy. they made fast friends until tom was deployed and gina was given her assignment to a new branch - p.e.i.p. and well, that's when everything changed. her life turned upside down and the years passed before her eyes.
it had been fifteen years since the portal incident and since she had left hatchetfield. she knew it was time to come back though. she missed john. she missed her team. those closest to her had fought tooth and nail to keep her from being discharged for her inappropriate relationship with colonel cross, so there was guilt when she ended up leaving them. she needed to make things right.
she had found that john had kept her lease all of these years. that other than cleaning up the dust that should have collected, the apartment was a picture of the girl who had been in her early twenties when she had left. the decor was a little dated as such, but it felt endearing in a sense. he hadn't let her go, after all this time.
the groceries needed restocked and that's where gina was when she saw the familiar face in one of the aisles. her eyes lit up and she released a soft laugh. she'd recognize him anywhere, even behind that scruff of a beard. " houston? " she greeted with a crawl of a grin. " holy shit, i don't know if you remember me, but . . . "
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closed: @refugetm where: birdhouse
It wasn't every day you saw a beautiful dame with legs up to here at the bar, but here was Malone in his dreams of meeting one. Maybe that was big thinking, big dreaming, but she was literally right there and all alone at the bar drinking her whiskey. It was a contrast to his fruity cocktail that he was sipping on from where he sat at the other end of the bar, but that didn't sway him from slipping off his stool and shuffling over to where she was. He sidled up to her and the empty stool beside her, well aware that this could backfire in his face completely. Hell, he wasn't a confident guy and was definitely way more insecure than he liked to let on. But, hey, he was a private investigator, right? He had to have some air about him that said he knew what he was doing no matter what it was: so, hitting on a pretty woman? Well, he could manage that.
"Don't think I've seen the likes of you around here before," he lets out confidently, small smirk on his lips, "Not that I frequent the bar... " not a complete lie, "I just happen to know many faces around Hatchetfield and I feel I'd remember a pretty one such of yours."
gina had only been in hatchetfield for a couple of days now. the birdhouse seemed to be the place that drew her in the most, much as it had what felt like a lifetime ago. memories filtered through the air here. a young, bright eyed private who was swooning over the older colonel in a booth. wandering hands that were a risk amongst their peers. sneaking out the door by the bathrooms to get lost in each other. she blinked herself out of those memories and burned them away with amber liquid.
she didn't love wilbur cross anymore. for all she knew, he was dead and lost to whatever was on the other side of that portal. but those memories still lived somewhere inside of her head, in a deep corner where that hopeful girl was curled up in behind layers and layers of scar tissue. that corner was safe, she had learned at a very young age. the monsters that she had faced her entire life couldn't get her there.
a voice pulled her out of her thoughts as a guy with long hair and a bucket hat sidled up to the empty seat beside her. her eyebrow quirked at the opening line, the words climbing up her throat of where he can shove that sort of entry.
" i'm drinking a whiskey ginger, " she replied bluntly. " and yes, i would like a refill if you're buying and want to skip the pleasantries. "
full name βΈ» gina rose macnamara occupation βΈ» lieutenant in the u.s. army; on very extended leave p.e.i.p. agent sexuality βΈ» bisexual relationship status βΈ» single pronouns βΈ» she / her height βΈ» 5 ' 3 " notable features βΈ» lines in the corners of her eyes that tell a thousand stories, a demeanor that she's often lost in thought as seen by the light furrow of her brow and a little frown
positive traits βΈ» hardworking, loyal, big-hearted negative traits βΈ» begrieved, stony, workaholic aesthetics βΈ» keeping your nose to the grindstone in order to maintain a busy mind, the good and bad sides of feeling with every cell in your body, leather that has been worn into soft pliability biggest fear(s) βΈ» letting the monsters win, something happening to her older brother
biography
gina macnamara is the youngest of the two macnamara children, two kids who grew up without a chance in their world. their parents never wanted to be parents and they certainly didn't it, much like they didn't hide their disdain for one another. their anger was often projected onto their children as well, and john was often a shield for when it was directed at gina. that is, until john couldn't hold out any longer and left gina with two years of enduring the weight before she could also enlist.
the army was great for the macnamara children. they were tough as nails and loyal as all get out. they had the drive to prove their worth and the fire within them to fight. some people went to therapy, gina took it out with hard work. soon, they were both assigned to a special unit called p.e.i.p., a moment that would change the course of gina's life.
the young private met colonel wilbur cross soon after she moved and despite trying to fight it, she fell for him. hard. his low croon and the way he looked at her? she had never felt so wanted, so desired. little did she know that he was preying upon it. she was gullible and fell right into his trap.
she foolishly told wilbur that she loved him right before what seemed to be a suicide mission, one where he would step into the black and white. when he returned though? something was different about him. or perhaps unlocked. gina will never forget how he grabbed her and tried to kill her by pulling her into the portal. she will never forget how john put a bullet between wilbur's eyes before he fell back into the portal.
after the incident and the affair came to be, gina was placed on administrative leave. a week later, she left hatchefield and left a letter for john explaining she couldn't stay here any longer.
fifteen years later, gina has since rebuilt her life at another army base. she attended schooling to climb the rankings and is now a lieutenant. when a private investigator comes into her peripheral, she realizes that john has sent him for more information, and maybe it's time to finally revisit the ghosts of her past.
