☀︎ ⋆ ☾☼reese✺ ⋆ ✿ ⭒

“Sam,” You sighed, setting your coffee cup down with a shaking hand. “We have to talk.” You said, much less hesitation about your choices, now. It seemed like clarity had become you the minute you had realized Jake was the best person for you. You knew it was true, mostly because you had not felt one shred of anxiety that even came close to what you had been feeling all day. No, you weren’t excited to break Sam’s heart, but you were certainly less apprehensive about it than you were with Jake.

“That doesn’t sound good,” he said, stress already showing in his features. You managed a small smile, your stomach sick at the knowledge you would effectively have to go through two breakups in a single day.

“No, I guess it isn’t.” You said, moving to take a seat on the couch. “Sit with me?”

“Yeah, okay.” He whispered, sitting down beside you. You ran your hands over the fabric of your jeans, drawing in a long breath as you tried to settle your thoughts. Eventually, you looked over at him, noticing the sadness in his eyes before you even spoke a word. It killed you knowing that you had to be the bad guy despite months of trying to figure out how to end up the hero. The sad truth was, in the entanglement you had all found yourselves in, nobody could be the hero, yet you all seemed to fall somewhere under the victim category. So much suffering, yet no one to blame or save you from the pain.

“I love you, Sam.” You started, making sure that despite the impending doom, he knew that you still had so much love for him in your heart. Just because you were not going to be his forever did not mean that he wasn’t holding on to a huge part of you. “And I have for a really long time.”

“I know, y/n. I love you, too.” He said, watching expectantly as he prepared for the worst possible outcome of the conversation. You leaned back into the cushions, exhausted from the days events already, comforted none by the knowledge that it would only get worse from there. You reached out, grabbing his hand in your own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“There’s a saying that’s always stuck out to me,” you explained, tone quiet and as relaxed as possible. “If you don’t receive the love from the ones meant to love you, you’ll spend the rest of your life searching for it. I feel like up until now, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been looking for so long that I’m starting to go blind, and I’m missing the entire point of being alive.” You laughed at your own stupidity, finding your search for love quite comical in the moment. You had spent a lifetime trying to find something that you never really believed in, and now that two blatant contradictions to your disbelief happened to be staring you in the face, you had no idea how to address it. “I don’t remember who said it, but it’s always stuck with me. I always thought it was you, Sammy. I really did. I wish it was, because it kills me to do this to you, but it’s not.”

“Oh,” he breathed, nodding his head slowly as he absorbed the information you were giving him. It was a heavy hit, especially after you had stormed into the room with such excitement to see him, but he managed to persevere.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, hoping to catch his eye to show him you were being genuine.

“You don’t have to be, Princess.” He assured you, letting out a long sigh. He could be all but mad at you, for he had made the bed that you were forcing him to lie in. “I knew the risks, and it was worth it. It was always worth it, for you.” He said, looking up to meet your face. “Y/n, I meant every single thing I said to you over the last few months; I care that you’re happy, and if this will make you happy, I can live with it.”

“You have no idea how badly I wish that it could’ve been us. I see Danny and Dylan, and I’m so envious that I never got to have that with you. It’s been so hard since the very beginning… I just feel like I never got to have you the way I wanted to.” You felt the tears brimming in your eyes once again, unsure if you could make it through the conversation without cracking. Everything hurt, and you had no idea how to stop it. Sometimes, you believed as though pain was the only thing you knew how to feel. “I love you so much Sam, and I’m lucky that I got the chance to have you at all, even if it was different than how I pictured it. These last few months were beautiful, and they taught me so much. Even if it didn’t work out the way we hoped does not mean it meant nothing to me.” Your cheeks were soaked with the admissions of your guilt, tears falling at an unprecedented rate and showing no signs of stopping. You couldn’t control it, and at this point, you didn’t really care to. Sorrow was heavy in the air, constantly following you and making home even when you tried so hard to keep it out. There was no shame in displaying your heart to him, because that’s all you knew how to do, anymore.

“Hey, come on.” He pleaded, reaching up to wipe your cheeks clean. “Don’t waste all of those tears on me. God knows I don’t deserve it.” He said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You do, Sam. You deserve the world, and I wish that I could have given it to you.” You cried, leaning into his touch in hopes that it would take away some of the pain. “Maybe I could have loved you better if I loved myself more. I might have found the courage to say something sooner, and we could be living in the universe where we’re happy and everything is okay.”

“This isn’t your fault, y/n.” He said, fighting back tears of his own. “It’s mine; I should have said something sooner, I should have fought harder, or maybe I never should have put you in a position like this at all. I guess it doesn’t really matter, now. The war is over, and you can stop fighting. You’re tired, and I’ve known it for a while. I’m sorry that I let things go this far. You can blame whoever you want, but please stop blaming yourself.” He moved ever so slightly closer to you, grabbing your face gently between his hands. “If this is going to make you the happiest, I would never be upset at you for it. You deserve every bit of happiness this world has to offer. You always try and give it to everyone else, but it’s your turn, baby. You get to enjoy it, and you don’t have to worry about me.” He wiped your face clean once more, the soft touch warming your soul and soothing the pain. You wished so badly to make everyone happy, to settle the problem with no casualties, but it was just not possible. Someone had to hurt, or all of you would hurt. There was no winning, and in a way, everyone lost at least something along the way.

“In another world, Sammy.” You said, recalling the daydreams you and him had shared in the past. They seemed so close, so real, but you didn’t want to reach for them anymore. Your arms were tired of searching for something that might never be found, and if they were, you knew they would not have been able to compare to the fairytale world that you had created in your mind. “We’d have the house, the dogs, and the rest of our lives.”

“I’ll be dreaming of that world forever,” he said, a sad smile crossing his lips. “Just make sure that he treats you right, because you deserve it, and you make sure that he knows he’s the luckiest man to ever walk this earth. If he doesn’t realize that, then I’ll remind him myself.”

“Thank you for understanding. Thank you for not hating me.” You sniffled, already so burnt out from the whirlwind of emotion the day had thrown at you.

“Hate you?” He scoffed, a smile on his face despite tears welling in his eyes. “There is no possible way that I could ever hate you, y/n. You’re my best friend above anything else, and you’ve given me a lifetime’s worth of happiness in just a few months. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I could never make one as big as that.”

“I could never hate you either, Sammy. I hope that when this all settles, we can still be friends. I don’t want to live a life without you in it.”

“Of course we can. It’s going to suck at first, and it’s going to hurt, but we’ll get through it. We can get through anything.” He promised. “Thank you for being honest, and thank you for giving me the best few months of my entire life.”

“Thank you, Sam. You showed me how beautiful this life can be when you’re looking in the right places, and you helped me more than you can ever imagine.” You said, reaching out to brush the hair from his face. You let your thumb drift over the soft skin on his cheek, feeling better than you had in days. You hated hurting him, but you knew that it was what you had to do; Sam was your best friend, someone you loved to be around and loved making memories with, but in the long term, it just wasn’t right. You could have a good life with him, a great one, even, but you feared that it paled in comparison to the life you could live with Jake. Sam was comfortable, familiar, and fantastic all the same. He would make a phenomenal partner, but you knew he would be suited best for someone else. Jake was what you needed, what you craved for the future, and you knew he was exactly what your heart wanted. The truth lied within the fact that you were aching all over after walking away from him, and now that you knew you were walking away from Sam, you felt lighter than you ever had before. It did not feel good to hurt him, but it felt good to free yourself from the chains that your entanglement was tying you down with, and it felt good to finally be certain in your own decisions.

“You did too, Princess.” He mumbled, closing his eyes to hold back his tears. “Like I said before, if you ever change your mind, I’ll be here. I’d wait for you forever if I had to. If you ever decide to try again, I promise I’ll do it right, next time.” He said, turning his head slightly to press a kiss to your thumb.

“It has nothing to do with rights and wrongs, Sammy. I made just as many mistakes as anyone else. Don’t punish yourself for it, because we were all doing what we thought was best.” He nodded, hearing your words and trying his best to adhere to the request. “Thank you for everything.” You said once again, making sure your gratitude was clearly expressed.

“I assume you have to go deliver the good news, now?” He asked, eyes glistening with an emotion you had never seen from him before. It was killing you to cause him such suffering, but it was for the best, and in years to come you hoped to look back on this rough patch and have all of you laugh at your own stupidity.

“Yeah, I guess so.” You sighed, ready to make amends with Jake but not ready to leave Sam. “One last kiss, for old times sake?” You asked, a shred of hope in your voice. He chuckled at your question, drawing you in to him without another word. The kiss was soft, sweet yet sad all the same. It was a celebration as much as it was a goodbye. When you parted, sadness lingered on both of your faces, but there was also relief in knowing that the struggle was over. As much as he was mourning the fact that he couldn’t have you, he respected your choice, and he knew that with time he could heal the wounds he collected from the battle. The dance that you had been doing was only worsening them, and with proper care, the scars might be so light that you would never guess they existed in the first place. “I love you, Sam. I think I will for the rest of my life. A piece of me will always belong to you.”

“Me too, y/n. I love you, and I hope that even after it’s all said and done, you don’t forget that.”

“Never.” You promised, placing another kiss to his cheek, this time. “I’ll see you soon, Sammy.”

“I hope so,” he said, grabbing your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before rising to his feet. He gave a small wave goodbye before disappearing out of the room. You took in a long breath, but stood despite your body begging you not to. You were terrified to face the world after inflicting so much damage on another, and more so, you were terrified of rejection from Jake. After hurting him so badly, you would understand if he never wanted to speak to you again. You hoped that it was not the case as you broke into the hallway, headed straight for the direction of his dressing room, because you feared that him turning you down would effectively turn you to dust.

You stopped in front of his door, no more hesitation present in your mind as you knocked on the door. You waited for something, but received nothing. There was not even a hint that there was life inside the room. You swore under your breath as you raised your hand to knock again. You listened intently, wondering if you might be able to hear a movement beyond the door, but there wasn’t a thing that signalled that he was inside. You tried not to let the disappointment take over, but it was creeping up on you faster with every second that passed. You worried that you had effectively driven the final nail in the coffin, that you had pushed him just a little too far and now there was no way to recover from the hurt you had caused. You took a step back from the door as you continued deliberating your next move. You looked down the hallway, feeling like you had stumbled upon the key to the grand prize. Josh was walking towards you, mindless and uncaring of his surroundings.

You stepped towards him, cutting him off before he could make it any further and startling him with the suddenness. “Josh,” you greeted, trying to keep your frantic mind away from the public eye.

“Gold Dust Woman,” he greeted, slowly looking over your face. “You don’t look very good.”

“No,” you chuckled, knowing his observation barely scratched the surface “guess I don’t.” You sighed, wondering how to word your question to showcase the importance of your need for an answer. “Is Jake in his room? O-or do you know where he is? I really need to talk to him.” Your nervousness slipped out in your stutter, and he was quick to catch on to it.

“Uh, no, he’s not in his room.” He said, a note of sympathy in his eyes. “He’s in pretty bad shape, y/n. I think it’s best to leave things be for now.” If your heart could shatter any more, it did just that at the sound of his words.

“I know I fucked up, Josh. I just need to talk to him and make it right.” You whispered.

“Listen,” he sighed, placing his hand on your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze “you’re my best friend, but he’s my brother. I know that you didn’t want to hurt him, and I know it was never your intention, but he needs some time to heal. Sometimes it’s better to just let it go and move forward.” His sympathy felt like a punch in the face, but his misunderstanding of your intent was even worse.

“No, Josh, I’m not trying to coddle him because I broke his heart, I’m telling you that I fucked up. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I need to make it right. I’m not trying to put a bandaid on a bullet hole, I need to tell him that I was wrong.” You rushed your words, looking over his confused expression. You gave a nervous gulp, not wanting to speak the obvious but knowing that it would be the only way he understood your intent. “I just broke up with Sam. I was wrong, Josh, and I need to say it before it’s too late.” You were desperate in your explanation, hoping that now he could see what you were trying to tell him. His eyebrows raised, lips parting slightly in shock at your words. “This whole thing is a mess, and I know that I’m at fault, but I’m trying to do the right thing. I need to do right by him, Josh. I swear I’m not trying to hurt him any more.”

“Oh, wow.” He said, processing the information you had thrown at him.

“I know, and you can hate me for hurting them; god knows I deserve it, but he deserves the truth. He deserves everything good in this world and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try. I know he’s your brother, and I know you’re trying to protect him, and I’m so grateful that he has someone as good as you to look out for him, but please, if he’s in your room just let me see him.”

“I don’t hate you, y/n. I just wish I could solve it for everyone, take the pain away, even. You’re all family, and this is incredibly confusing and frustrating, but I do not hate you.” He clarified, moving forward to pull you into a hug. “You’re sure?”

“More than anything else in the whole world.” You assured him, holding him tightly as if it would ease your hurt. His arms were familiar, but strange in the sense that you knew it was not him you were supposed to be hugging.

“I’ll let him know you’re looking for him.” He said, giving you a reassuring pat on the back.

“Thank you,” you said, but it held little weight in comparison to the relief you felt at his words.

“I think Aaron’s looking for you,” he nodded in the direction of the manager who was quickly approaching the pair of you. “Probably time for soundcheck.”

“Fuck sakes.” You sighed, turning to see for yourself. Josh was right, Aaron was talking to you before he was even in earshot, ordering your presence on stage. As much as you loved your job, you seemed to despise it more than anything in that moment. You looked back at Josh, giving him another silent thanks with your eyes before walking away. You went right to the stage, ignoring any other attempts at initiating conversation from anyone else passing by. Dylan was sitting at the drum set, tapping out a small beat while Riley was soloing on his bass guitar. Not even the sight of your best friends could break you from your misery; tears were still begging to be shed, only worsening when you picked up your own instrument. “Let’s get this over with.” You muttered, uttering a small check into the mic to make sure it was on.

“You seem chipper today.” Dylan noted, begging to catch a glimpse of your face so she could judge what type of poor mood you were in. “Left this morning before I even woke up. Felt like a cheap tinder date.” You let out a small chuckle at her joke, but opted not to respond as you tuned your strings to your liking. Without any warning, you let out a loud strum on the strings, kicking on your distortion pedal as you stepped towards the mic and let out a shout.

As if it were muscle memory, as soon as she heard the sound, Dylan joined in on the drums. Riley followed suit, singing into his own microphone alongside of you. You proceeded with the song, singing the lyrics with all of the emotion you were holding in your heart. Riley allowed you to sing the verses and the chorus, only joining in every so often when he felt the need to accentuate your impact. When the solo came around, you looked only at the floor as your hands did all of the work. As you finished, you leaned forward to sing the last few lines, ending the most passionate rendition of ‘Them Bones’ by Alice in Chains you had ever performed.

“So we’re angry, today.” Dylan said, catching her breath as she rested her arms for a moment.

“We’re everything today, Dylan.” You corrected, switching to your clean setting. “Try Little Wing.”

“You got it.” She said, waiting for you to begin. You played around with the Wah pedal, making sure your tone was right before you started the melodic intro. You couldn’t look out to the seats, knowing that there was only two bodies watching this time around. It killed you to know you had hurt the brothers enough that they felt as though they couldn’t even watch your rehearsal. Your chest was aching, wondering if you had truly fucked everything up as badly as you believed you did.

The cry of your guitar was similar to the one of your soul, echoing through the empty air just to return back and strike you in the face. Your eyes were still blurred with tears of defeat, but you refused to let any more fall. The weakness you had displayed within the last few hours left you shocked that you hadn’t crumbled to the ground in a mess of your former self, yet. You felt like you could, and you definitely wanted to, but you knew you had to keep going for just a little while longer. Your bones ached with exhaustion and your body was begging for a moment of peace, yet you continued on as if nothing was wrong. It was your best defence mechanism, and your only one. If you stopped now, you would never get back up again. As tempting as it was, giving up was not an option until you settled the score with Jake and did everything you could to make things right again.

Dylan drummed along with your playing and Riley was near perfect in his timing, but when you stepped up to sing, your fingers slipped from their position. An off note rang through the air, covered by your voice and quick work at recovery. You made it through the lyrics with no other mishaps, but when the outro came around, you seemed to completely lose your train of thought midway through. You let out a slur of curses, angry at yourself and the instrument for not doing what you wanted it to do. “All good, y/n.” Dylan tried to mediate, knowing your temper all too well. “Can try it again if you want.”

“No, just move on.” You shook your head, starting into another riff. You only chose to play it as a way to prove to yourself you still had the talent, but you couldn’t seem to get the right sound from your guitar that you were hoping for. You tried it a few more times, but couldn’t find the right rhythm for the outcome you wanted. “Fuck!” You exploded, your moment of anger catching you off-guard and echoing through the microphone. You practically ripped the strap from your body, slamming the guitar onto the stand and walking away without another word. Dylan nor Riley felt the need to call you back, knowing that your time on stage had come to an end for the time being. Forcing you to pick the guitar back up would only result in a catastrophic mess, and they were not willing to risk another Gibson guitar being shattered on the floor of a stage.

You walked around the corner, ignoring Aaron’s persistent complaints about your short lived soundcheck, and headed straight to your dressing room. The door slammed behind you with enough force to knock the building down and you collapsed on your couch without any care for your childish display. You put your head in your hands, hoping to hold the tears in for good, but they still seemed to find away around the strength in which your palms were pressed to your face. You felt like the world was ending, the sky crashing down and the earth cracking below you. After so long playing with fire, you had finally succumbed to the fatal burns of your own mistakes. You had hurt the two people you loved most, and you knew nothing about how to fix it, or even if you could mend the damage you had done.

You reached to your purse that was lazily discarded on the floor, rummaging around before finding a few single-shot bottles of whiskey. You took one and swallowed it down, ignoring the sting that settled in your chest, for it was much more pleasant than how you were already feeling. You dumped the other two into the coffee cup that Sam had given you, the liquid just reaching the brim of the cup. You took two long sips from it, uncaring of the unpleasant taste. You made it halfway through the brew before the knocking began. If you had to choose your least favourite sound, that would be at the top of your list. You ignored it the first few times, but it had eventually gotten so loud and persistent that you could no longer tune it out.

You swung the door open, met with the face of your stylist. “Told you we’d be spending lots of time together, today.” She said, opting to ignore your clear distress.

“Kind of in the middle of something.” You said, furrowing your eyebrows at her disregard for the scene.

“Moping around your dressing room?” She questioned, raising an eyebrow as she waited for an answer. When you remained silent, she stepped inside. “Let’s get you cleaned up and brand new, again.” She said, kicking the door shut behind her. She motioned for you to sit in your chair, to which you obeyed. She was a strong personality, one that was hard to adjust to, but you loved her. Much like everyone else on tour, she was family, and unlike everyone else, she wasn’t one to feed into your bullshit. “Get it all out now,” she said, looking to you as she took a seat on the arm of your couch.

“You want me to cry on command?” You questioned, confused about her motive.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.” She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. You felt like you were being graded on your misery, and it was a very confusing feeling. So confusing, that you almost seemed to be distracted from your poor mood.

“I… I think I’m okay, now.” You said, certain that the tears had finally run dry.

“You better be sure, because once I start, I can’t have you crying all of my hard work away.” You wanted to argue with her, but somehow the blunt words seemed to snap you out of your previous state of mind. Actually, you found them quite funny. She approached you after pulling a few things from her bag, giving you ample opportunity to double back on your word. She kneeled in front of you, bringing a makeup wipe to your face as she softly removed any physical reminders of your hurt. “I told you not to let them steal your shine, Gold Dust Woman.”

“I think I stole my own shine, Rachel.”

“Mhm,” she shook her head, dabbing away the mascara stains from under your eye. “Whoever stole it needs to give me my girl back, because this is not the Gold Dust Woman I know.”

“I know.” You agreed, solemnly cementing her words in truth.

“We’re gonna make you look beautiful, and then hopefully your mind will follow suit. Sometimes you just need a little break from the world.” She was right, and usually your time spent with her was a break from the real world. She put you in a suit of armour with her work, turning you into a version of yourself you barely believed to be real. You hoped that once she dressed you in your stage clothes, you could find the confidence to make it through the rest of the night. She was like a mother in the way she cared; firm yet comforting, and unwilling to put up with any bullshit. Neither of you seemed to talk much about any troubles, but she always seemed to make you feel better just by being in your company.

Once your face was clean, she took extra time to soothe the puffiness from all of the crying. When she began to apply makeup, she used a gentle touch and utmost concentration. She didn’t break her focus until she was certain that she had perfected the look. She guided you to your clothes, allowing you to dress yourself before she fine tuned any details. You were clad in a gold tank top, elegant and beautiful in its simplicity. It was filled with very tiny, reflective sequins that from afar seemed to blend into one. It was low cut, the neckline lax and swooping down as it settled on itself. It stopped just above your navel, the material loose and comfortable to move in. She picked a pair of leather pants that flared at the bottom but stayed very form fitting above the knee. She pinned your shirt in place before moving on to your hair. She touched up her earlier work but didn’t change much, leaving it hang freely over your shoulders before spraying it with hairspray.

“How do you feel?” She asked, voice quiet as she stepped out of your view of the mirror. You inspected your reflection, wondering if the woman staring back at you was truly you, or just an imposter begging you to believe it. You couldn’t tell for a second that you had been such a mess only a short time before. Your eyes were painted dark and prominent, standing out even further by the accent of gold eyeliner she had trailed down your face. She had made gold tears with the makeup, so subtle that you could miss it, yet shining just perfectly under the light.

“You deserve a raise,” you breathed, leaning closer to inspect yourself even further. She crouched down, now the same height as you and staring into the mirror with you.

“Even when you cry, y/n, it’s made of gold.” She whispered, looking to your face with a small smile on her lips. “Bring back my Gold Dust Woman. Show them that you’re worth more than all of that pain.”

“Thank you, Rachel.” You said, feeling more gratitude for her than you could even comprehend. The relationship between an artist and a stylist is nearly incomprehensible; no, you did not share the darkest of your secrets with her, but she most often saw the most vulnerable and intimate parts of you. She was projecting your inner self outwardly, and to do so, she needed to know you wholly. She was phenomenal at her job, and you were eternally grateful for her.

“Don’t thank me yet.” She said, standing once again. “Put my work to good use, then we’ll have time for gratitude.” You chuckled at her bold persona, nodding in agreement. She straightened the gold chains around your neck before slipping out of the room in silence. You waited until her footsteps faded away until you moved out of your chair, finding a shred of courage to move towards the hallway yourself.

You peered into the open area, timid to find the bodies that occupied it. You leaned against the doorframe, finding Riley and Dylan only a few feet away from the stage. You could hear the soft lull of Jake’s guitar calling to you, begging you to go and watch him work his magic. You took a few steps forward towards your bandmates, sneaking up behind them and shocking them with your presence. “Hey,” you uttered, remorseful about your blatant disregard for the soundcheck earlier. Dylan tuned her head to look at you, softened by your shy expression. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s okay,” she said, knowing that there was nothing you could do about it now. “Just don’t do it tonight.”

“Of course not,” you assured her, sneaking into the small space between her and Riley.

“You okay, now?” He asked, turning his head to look down at you.

“Yeah, much better.” You nodded.

“That’s all that matters.” He said, slipping an arm around your waist. Dylan did the same, a silent show of agreement. You slung you arms around their shoulders, finding it easier to stand with the strength of their support. You knew that no matter what happened, you had plenty of love coming your way. You had a world full of friends who would give anything to make you smile and go to the ends of the earth to take away the sadness. Grateful was not a strong enough word to express how you felt about them, and you wished you could be better at showing it. Your hope was that when the storm settled from loving the Kiszka’s, the world would appear easier to understand and navigate.

You watched the stage from the sideline, noticing immediately that you were on the same side as Jake normally took post on. It was hard to notice anyone or anything else when he was around because his presence took up all of the space in a room. He was beautiful, kind and generous beyond measure, and you were so close to having him forever. You were foolish to let him slip through your fingers once, and you would be damned to ever let it happen again. He was the earth you stood on, the sky above, and the air you breathed. Jake was everything, and you were an idiot for ever thinking otherwise. You felt entranced as you watched his fingers graze the fretboard, pulled in by his talent and suffocated by his beauty. Before you even knew it, the song had came to an end and the boys were walking away from the instruments.

You thought that this was your chance to get Jake by himself for a moment. As he walked towards you, head turned towards the ground, you broke free of the hold your bandmates had on you. You stepped to the side, landing a few feet in front of Jake in hopes to stop him from going any further. He looked up, surprised at your presence. He looked worse than you had ever seen him; his eyes were tired, bloodshot as if he’d spent the afternoon in the same state you had been. At the sight of you, he did not smile, nor did he give you any hint that he was happy to see you. You could not blame him, because if you were in his shoes, you would never want to speak to you again. Still, you persevered in hopes that you could change the situation for the better despite your heart begging you to run and hide.

“Jake,” you whispered, holding his gaze for as long as he would allow it. “Can I talk to you for a second? Please?”

“Y/n,” he sighed, pain rising in his features the longer he was in your company. “I just need some time, okay?”

“No, Jake, I swear-“

“Please,” he cut you off, clearly not knowing what you were trying to tell him. “Just give me a few days, then I promise we can try the friends thing.” He mumbled, averting his gaze away from you. You wanted to scream your love from him so loudly that it shattered the windows and lived inside the walls forever, to show the world how much he meant to you and how apologetic you were for not realizing it sooner, but you seemed frozen in your place. The rejection was not unexpected, but it was debilitating.

“No, I just need-“ you tried again, but his hand landed on your bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance before he stepped past you and continued down the hall. You turned, watching him appear smaller and smaller before he eventually turned into a room and disappeared from sight completely. You thought you were going to be sick, broken underneath the weight of the love you were carrying for him. As much as you wanted to chase after him, you knew it was best to let him come to you in his own time. Still, even if you knew it was for the best did not make the fact easy to choke down.

You looked over to your bandmates, noticing that they had been watching the interaction unfold in hopes of discovering the source of your misery. You let out a long sigh, shrugging your shoulders as if to tell them you didn’t know any more than they did. Dylan nodded her head towards her dressing room, silently asking if you wanted to wait with her until it was time to perform. You have a solemn nod, letting her lead the way. When the three of you were together in her dressing room, door closed and locking out any unwanted listeners, she finally felt comfortable enough to pry some information for you. You explained to the two about the events of the day, biting back tears as you spoke. When you made it to the end of your sad story, the shock on their faces was too much to bear. You closed your eyes, leaning your head on the back of the couch while you tried to forget about the sadness that seemed to make permanent home in your head.

“So, how are you going to tell him?” Dylan asked, now at the hands of the stylist who had recently been in your own company.

“Have to get him to talk to me first, don’t you think?”

“No,” her answer was simple.

“How am I supposed to tell someone I love them without talking to them?” You rolled your eyes, sipping on the drink Riley had grabbed for you. A little liquid courage could get you through anything, or that’s what you always thought. This time, it seemed different. The anxiety stemming from your predicament with Jake seemed too large to calm with any sort of substance. You weren’t worried about superficialities, nor surface level scars that would fade into nothing; this was the love of your life, someone who you wanted to spend forever with, and you were terrified you had lost him for good.

“Do you forget that we’re in a band?” Riley asked, looking over at you with a hint of humour in his eye. He was tipsy, but he was just as enthralled in the conversation as Dylan. “We write about our feelings for a living. Sing him a song, dumbass.” You reached over, smacking his arm gently as you both dissolved into a fit of laughter. The more time you spent with the two, the more the dread seemed to float away. It was still lingering, but it seemed much less daunting with them in your company.

“What song should I sing?” You asked, tracing circles into the fabric of your pants to distract yourself from your fear.

“That one’s on you,” Riley said. “I’m not the one confessing my love for him.”

“Maybe you should, I think you two would be awfully cute together.” Dylan teased, hidden behind Rachel as she had her face painted with stage makeup.

“I’ll let her shoot her shot, first. If she fucks up, though…” Riley trailed off, slowly turning his gaze towards you. “You better watch out.” Another chorus of laughter echoed through the room at his words. After the excitement died down, you drifted away into your thoughts, thinking of the best way to express your feelings for him. After a few moments, an idea surfaced in the mess of self-doubt that seemed impossible to pass up.

“I got it.” You announced, a small smile breaking out on your lips. Riley leaned over, giving you a pat on the back as a way to say he was proud of you.

And thus began the longest wait of your entire life.

The minutes seemed to pass with the length of an hour, and the hours felt like eternities. You drank, trying to settle the nerves in yours stomach, and tapped your foot against the floors to rid yourself of the jitters. Riley left the room to allow Dylan to get changed, and eventually Rachel left to tend to his stage outfit. The small talk had between you and your drummer was nearly painful, both of you knowing that you were completely uninvested in any of the topics at hand. You were nearly vibrating by the time Aaron knocked on the dressing room door, bursting at the seams with anticipation of getting on stage. You joined together at the side of the stage, listening to Aaron’s short instructions to ensure the performance would run smoothly.

When he motioned for you to start, you have a nod and a prayer for enough confidence to get through the night. When you appeared in front of the crowd, you were met with cheers and applause, fuelling your ego only enough for you to pick up your guitar. Dylan sat behind her drums, a blinding smile on her lips as she started a slow beat on the kick drum to set the mood. “How’s everyone doing tonight?” Riley asked, met with a cheer of an excitement from the audience. He looked over to you, laughing at the sound.

“We’re Gold Dust Woman, and we’re so excited to spend the evening with you all. Here’s a song we wrote about being drunk…” you said, looking to Riley for a moment “and in love.” You started a familiar riff, one that had been circling around the internet after your first performance of the song. You knew that once the tour finished up, it would be first on the list of songs to record.

The longer you played, the more confident you felt in your own ability. You found yourself intermittently checking over your shoulder, looking to see if the boys were watching you from their usual spot. At first, there was only Josh and Danny observing from the sidelines. Halfway through the set, Sam made an appearance, looking beautiful in his stage clothes and makeup. Your heart ached at the sight, but when he caught your eye and gave you a reassuring smile, you felt on top of the world. The weight lifted from you ever so slightly just by knowing he did not hold any resentment towards you. There was only one more loose end that needed tying, and you had put your entire faith in the idea that Jake would be willing to watch your performance that night.

When you got down to the last three songs, you were tired and dejected, ready to pack up your things and stitch up your wounds. Jake had not yet made an appearance, and you were beginning to believe he would not leave his room until the second he was needed on stage. You couldn’t blame him, but you so desperately wanted to blame someone, which ultimately landed you back in your initial position. All of the self-doubt and insecurities flooded back in, giving your hands a nervous tremor as you played the solo of your second to last song. Riley sang softly over your playing, distracting the crowd from any potential mishaps your fingers may have caused. You finished with a small outro, trying to zone in on your fretboard to avoid any further mistakes. You finished with a smile, happy that you finished at all.

You looked back over your shoulder, knowing that you would be met with another staggering rejection, yet needing to check anyway. Your heart nearly erupted from your chest and your breath caught in your throat. Your head was swimming with adoration as your eyes landed on the fourth body that finally joined the crowd. He caught your gaze, the same intense emotion taking hold of him in an instant. You struggled to break from the state, wishing to stay lost in his eyes for the rest of time. His lips upturned in the corner, not quite smiling at you, but acknowledging that he was invested in you. You managed to shake your head free from the overwhelming fear, looking to Riley in hopes he could communicate with you wordlessly. You nodded your head in his direction, silently asking if you could switch positions. He caught on immediately, making it seem like the interaction was planned all along as he moved towards you.

You gave him a high five as you passed, trying to make the switch as relaxed as possible. “Alright, we’ve got one more song for you tonight, and it’s a very special one to me.” You said, tuning down your top string. “If you know it, sing it with me. I think I might need some help to get through it.” You encouraged, tuning your bottom string. You casted a look back towards Dylan, a hopeful smile on your lips. She gave you a grin with all of the support she could muster in her features. She gave you a drum roll, hiking anticipation until you began playing.

You began the infamous introduction, the first cluster of notes immediately sending a surge of excitement through the room. Dylan joined in, giving you a steady beat, and Riley bit back a smile as he plucked the top string of his bass.

“Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise

Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies” Riley sang with you, your voices harmonizing alongside the crowd’s excited voices. You took a step back, playing a small part on the guitar before leading him into the chorus. Before you began, you looked over at the group of boys watching your performance. You caught Jake’s eye, holding him captive as you sang directly to him.

“And if you don’t love me now,

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying

You would never break the chain” you sang, powerful and with clear intent. Jakes head cocked to the side, his eyebrow raising in disbelief as he watched your blatant display of emotion. You sang the chorus once more before breaking your gaze, focusing on your hands to regain your composure. You could feel the rhythm in your heart, the beat of the drum rattling your bones and the bass pounding in your ears. If you could keep your focus on the music, you could finish the song. You continued repeating it in your head until you believed it.

“Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night

Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies

Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light” you looked to Riley, allowing him to lead you back into the chorus. He sang alone while you echoed his words back to him. He let you sing the next one, switching roles so he could echo you. You looked back at the side stage, the shine of tears in your eye as you saw the look of anger begin to form on Jake’s face. You continued singing, only stopping so he could play the bass line leading up to the solo. On his second run through, you began picking the bottom strings, speeding your pace the longer you played. You took a step back from the mic, losing yourself to the tune. You let your head fall back, eyes closed as your hands guided you through the process of the solo. When it came time to sing again, you were overcome with a sudden burst of energy.

“Chain keep us together!” You shouted into the microphone, looking to Riley as you did so.

“Running in the shadows!” He sang back, watching you to see when you would start again. You repeated your line, more passion than the last time, and he copied your energy. You grinned, walking over to him before singing again. He stepped to the side, allowing you to join him at his microphone. He faced you, playing at you as you did the same to him.

“Chain keep us together!”

“Running in the shadows!” You sang into the same mic, face to face as you played your instruments. The passion was electric, igniting your heart and your soul as it only increased further. You looked past Riley, catching Jake’s gaze one last time before singing the line once more. Dylan let out a loud bang on the drums, stopping the song entirely and filling the air with silence. After a second, everyone erupted into cheers. Dylan stood behind her drum set, raising her arms in the air in triumph. You looked back at her, laughing at her antics.

“Thank you, and goodnight!” Riley yelled into the microphone. You waved out at the crowd, slipping your strap over your shoulder and handing it off to a sound tech waiting for you just off the stage. You were breathless, barely able to thank the group for their endless compliments on your performance. You were stopped before you could move any further, frozen in your tracks by a body that stepped in front of you. You looked up, meeting Jakes angry eyes while fear settled in your stomach. Both of you were too caught up in the flurry of emotion to care about your surroundings, ignoring Aaron’s warning of the boys 45 minute timer until they got on stage.

Jake reached out, placing a hand on your upper arm as he guided you away from the group and towards your dressing room. He pushed the door shut behind him, looking to you as he waited for an explanation. You were at a loss for words, not expecting your performance to catch his attention so efficiently. “What the fuck was that, y/n?” He asked, his stare burning into you and his tone harsh. You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn’t seem to find anything meaningful to say. “You break up with me, tell me you’re in love with my brother, and then you get up on stage and pull a stunt like that? I have no idea what you want from me. If you want Sam, then have him, but you need to give me some time to get over you!”

“I was wrong!” You blurred out, panic stricken and desperate for him to slow down. “I don’t want you to get over me because I was wrong, Jake!” He paused, completely still as his expression shifted. He was frozen, eyes glossed over with disbelief as he processed your words.

“What?” His voice was quiet now, approaching you with utmost caution as if he was afraid to scare you away.

“I love you, Jake, and I was wrong.” You whispered, taking a step closer to him. “I was so wrong, and I know I can’t take back the pain I’ve already caused, but I can’t let you go. I love you. Three months ago, I loved you. In a year from now, I’ll still love you. When I’m eighty years old and watching the world happen around me from my front porch, I will still be thinking about how much I love you. It’s the type of love that’s forever, and I know that I will never feel this way for anyone else in my entire life. I’m so sorry for not seeing it sooner, and for walking away, or for thinking that there might be something happier for me somewhere else, but it’s just not true. You are everything Jake, and I am certain of that. You wouldn’t listen to me earlier, but I needed to tell you. I couldn’t live with myself if I just let you go.”

He watched you, head tilted to the side slightly as he absorbed your confession. His lips were parted slightly, in awe at the profound nature of your words. As nervous as you were, you couldn’t help but admire him. The beauty that he was surrounded with was indescribable; the way his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process his thoughts, the glimmer in his eye that gave you a shred of hope, all of it. He was breathtaking, and you couldn’t believe that you had the opportunity to love him at all. You wanted to step forward, to be so close to him that you never had to worry about distance again, but you were afraid. You awaited the invitation, your body yearning to be in his arms and addicted to the memory of his touch.

“I know that this has been hard, and we’ve messed up, but I don’t want to make mistakes with anyone else, Jake. I would be happier struggling with you than I would be if I was comfortable with someone else. I don’t know how to love, or what it really means to love someone so completely and selflessly, but I know that I feel it for you, and god do I know that you feel it for me. I’ve never been so loved in my entire life, and I never want to let it go. You love the parts of me that I thought would always be unlovable. You loved me so much even knowing that you could get hurt, and you loved me even while I was hurting you. I’ve never really been in love like this before, but I know that this is what it’s supposed to be like.” You rambled, confessing every thought that crossed your mind. You hoped that it was enough, because you couldn’t fathom the thought of watching him walk away.

“A-are you sure?” He asked, seeming like he wanted to reach out for you but worried that it might be some kind of sick joke.

“I am more sure than I’ve ever been before.” You whispered, gravitating towards him despite your brain telling you to stop.

“100 percent?” He asked again, also leaning closer as he asked.

“A million percent, Jake.” The pain that was on his face seemed to vanish at your assurance. Without another word, he stepped forward, so close to you that it made your head spin. He grabbed your face in his hands, leaning down and kissing you with every ounce of love he could muster. You flung your arms around his torso, pulling him as close as possible. You wished you could live in the moment of euphoria forever, knowing that nothing in your life could ever top the feeling of loving him freely. He broke away from you, his face still dangerously close to your own. He pressed another soft kiss to your lips as a way of thanking you for coming back, but he had no need to thank you for anything.

You slipped your hands under his suit jacket, desperate to be closer but unsure of how to do it. He laughed at you, your cold hands shocking his warm skin. You looked up at him, hearts dancing in your eyes as you lost yourself in his expression of elation. “You meant everything?” He mumbled, looking over your face and soaking in every detail.

“I will scream it from every rooftop in the world if I have to. If that’s what it takes for you to understand how much you mean to me, I’d do it a hundred times over again.” His eyes were speaking words that only your soul could understand, pulling you in further and making you fall even further in love. “When I left earlier, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I had made a huge mistake. I came inside to to talk to Sam, and I couldn’t do it. It’s always been you, even if I was too stupid to see it.” You said, feeling choked up just at the thought of leaving him. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I know I can’t take it back but I hope that I can make it up to you with enough time.” He let his thumb drift over your cheek, shaking his head before you even finished speaking.

“No apologies, angel. It doesn’t matter anymore, what matters is that you’re here with me, now.” You smiled, unable to contain your excitement any longer. His lips were still close enough to your own that you could feel him start to smile, too. Without warning, he moved his hands, crouching down slightly and anchoring them on the back of your thighs. In one swift motion, he picked you up off the floor. You let out a shriek of surprise as you wrapped your legs around him and threw your arms around his neck to steady yourself. He laughed at the sound, making sure to hold you tightly so you knew there was no fear of falling. But, as long as you were with Jake, you were well aware that you would never have to fear falling unless it was in love, because he was always waiting to catch you.

“So this is it? We get to be happy, now?” You asked, looking down at him. It was almost too fantastic to be true, but you knew that it had to be, because no dream could make you feel as good as you did in that moment.

“I think so,” He breathed, grinning up at you with the same happiness in his heart. You closed your eyes, overwhelmed by the moment and unable to hold back any emotion trying to push through. A tear rolled down your cheek, which he was quick to spot. “Why are you crying, baby?” He asked, concern thick in his voice. “There’s no need for tears, anymore.”

“I’m just happy,” you said, voice shaking as you spoke. “I’m so happy, Jake. I never thought I could be this happy. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be something more than what I was born with, more than what I was ever given, but all of the work never seemed to make any sense because I still went home feeling the same way. I don’t feel like that, now. For the first time in my life, things feel perfectly right.” And it was true; you had searched forever, always coming out empty handed and wondering if you would ever find the thing you wanted most. Now, it was in front of you, and with a promise of forever. It was almost too much to take, but you were trying your hardest to accept it.

He moved to the couch, sitting down while being cautious of not dropping you. Once you were settled in his lap, he brought a hand to your face and wiped away any fallen tears. “It can be like this forever, y/n.” He whispered, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I promise I will love you as long as you want me to, and long after that. You are my heart and my soul, and everything worthwhile. I want to be everything you need, whenever you need it.”

“You’ve already given me the whole world, Jake.” You said, bringing your hand to his cheek. “You’ve given me more than I ever thought I could have.”

“And I’ll keep giving until I can’t give any more.” He said, drawing you closer to him and resting his head in the crook of your neck. “I’ll give you whatever your heart desires, Gold Dust Woman. All I ever wanted to do was make you happy.”

“Happy doesn’t even come close to what you do for me.” You said, running a hand through his hair. He placed a kiss to the skin on your neck, pulling away only for a second before beginning to move upwards. He kissed a trail to your lips, the final kiss nearly too sweet to break. You held him to you, settling your other hand on his shoulder to support yourself.

It only took a moment for the passion to catch up to you, weeks of being deprived of each other taking its toll and begging you to submit to the temptation. His fingertips ghosting over the exposed skin of your back was enough to drive you to insanity, and the intoxication from his kiss made it impossible to resist him. You gave an involuntary grind of your hips against him, your body’s natural response to the feeling of his touch. He tightened his grip on you as his breath caught in his throat, desperate for anything more than what you were already doing. He pulled you down on him, his erection pressing into your heat and sending a wave of arousal through you. You let out a small whimper into his mouth, sending him feral in an instant. His arms travelled up your body, sneaking under your shirt and begging to pull it off of you.

You parted from him, breathless with stars dancing in your eyes. “Jake, we don’t have time.”

“We have plenty of time,” he assured you, refusing to back down. He could see the worry in your eye, but he was certain in his statement. “Don’t you trust me by now, Gold Dust Woman?” The nickname was like pure ecstasy to you, settling deep in your chest and making home like it had always belonged there.

“Of course I do.” You said, regretful for ever doubting him. You lifted your arms, allowing him to discard your shirt with little care. He brought his mouth to your collarbone, starting softly with kisses as he unhooked your bra with expert precision. He let that fall to the ground, too, not concerned with anything other than getting your clothes off. He brought a hand to your breast, the cold air of the room stinging your skin but the warmth of his touch offsetting the harshness. He let his thumb drift over your nipple, sucking marks into your collarbones as if he was trying to cement the reality of his victory. He moved his mouth downwards, focusing on your other nipple with his tongue.

He was desperate to know you again, like the weeks of separation had made you strangers. If he could, he would have spent the entire night with you in your dressing room, but he knew he had to make quick work in order to finish before he was expected on stage. With the vulgar noises rolling off of your tongue, he knew it would not be difficult to do. You were deprived just the same as he was, just as desperate to be touched and just as eager for an orgasm. He let his teeth sink into your nipple, sending a shiver down your spine and a gasp from your lips. You could feel him smile against you, cockiness returning so quickly that you doubted it ever left. He moved his hands to your hips, prompting you to stand so he could take your pants off, too.

You did as he pleased, allowing him the honour of undoing the button and removing the fabric to reveal what he’d been missing so much. You kicked the pants to the side, leaving yourself almost completely exposed and accessible. He sat on the edge of the couch, practically drooling at the thought of having you wrapped around him again. His eyes raked over your body, his jaw hard set as if he was a predator eyeing its prey. Romantic Jake was long gone, and you were more than okay with that; you loved him, and you were joyous over the knowledge that he was yours and you were his, but you were desperate to be fucked. You would never tell him, knowing that it would only fuel his already strong ego, but he was the only one who could do it right. He settled his hand on your hip, drawing you in and bringing his mouth back to your skin. He admired you only for a moment before turning you around. He let his hand trail over your ass in silent admiration before placing a kiss there, too. Instead of pulling away like you expected, he sunk his teeth into the skin with intent to make you quiver under the touch.

He did just that, the sensation causing you to jump and shy away from the unexpected moment. He let out a chuckle as he pulled away, unapologetic for his actions. He let his finer trail under the band of your underwear, drawing the elastic back slightly and snapping it against your skin. You wanted to complain, to chastise him for the teasing, but you were enjoying it too much to care. You were willing to take anything and everything that he was willing to give. He hooked his fingers through the sides and pulled that fabric away from you too, leaving you fully naked and at his disposal. “Do you know how much I missed seeing you like this?” His voice was low, husky and filled with lust. You thought you might be able to get off on the sound alone. He spun you around again so you were facing him, looking down as you anticipated his next move. “Do you, sweetheart?”

“Yes, sir.” You nodded, feeling his fingers ghosting over your thighs. You shivered under the touch, wondering if he was possessed by his own sexual desire, or if it felt so good solely because of how much you loved him.

“Did you miss me, angel?”

“So badly,” you sighed, watching him with hearts dancing in your eyes. He let out a hum of approval, loving the sound of your shameless desperation. He reached down, placing his hand behind your knee, slow with his touch so he wouldn’t catch you off guard. You allowed him to guide your leg so your foot was resting on the cushion beside his thigh. He leaned forward, dusting kisses over the inside of your thigh, lost in the haze of desire that had quickly filled the room. He brought his hand to your cunt, letting his fingers run through you to get a better understanding of how much you wanted him. His jaw clenched at the pool of arousal, nearly insane from the thought of you being his and his alone. He trailed his finger to your clit, rubbing agonizingly slow circles as he watched your face. He was aching to see the look of pleasure, the one in which your eyebrows knotted together and your lips parted, shamelessly crazy for everything he was doing to you. Sometimes, it kept him alive even more than the most basic of things like food and water.

“Did she miss me, too?” He purred, looking up to you with the far-away smile that let you know he was no longer thinking about conversing with you. Even if you hated to admit it, you had grown to love it so deeply that it made your chest ache when you thought of it for too long.

“Why don’t you find out?” You asked, trying to focus on anything other than his rose tinted cheeks and glossy stare. As much as you wanted to, you knew you would never hold any real power in the bedroom with Jake. Or, perhaps you held all of it, and you would never know the difference.

“Talking back to me, angel?” He asked, adding more pressure with his fingers.

“Never, baby.” You breathed the lie so easily he could almost believe it was the truth. Almost being the keyword, but he missed you too much to punish you, and he didn’t have enough time to do so, anyway.

“Come here,” he muttered, making a move to guide your leg over his shoulder. A whine slipped through your lips before he ever put his mouth on you, deriving pleasure from the idea of his tongue alone. His eyes fluttered up to meet your face before he proceeded any further, amazed by the sound and intrigued by the cause. “You want me that bad, baby?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Your face tinted red with embarrassment, but he was having none of it. “Don’t be shy, sweetheart. I want to hear all of those filthy fucking noises.” The end of his sentence was resembling a growl; his excitement was nearly unbearable and he was unable to hide it from you.

“Please, Jake. I need you so fucking bad.” You pleaded, your fingers already knotted in his hair with anticipation for his next move. His eyes fluttered closed, the words settling in his soul and already beginning to heal the wounds he’d collected from the days events. He couldn’t wait any longer, too pent up after being without you for so long. He guided your hips forward to meet his mouth, his tongue immediately landing on the sensitive bud he’d been teasing just moments before. In lieu of any formalities, he slipped two fingers inside of you, making it a mission to bring you to a climax as quick as possible.

A sharp moan sounded through the room, making home in the foundation of the walls to leave a permanent reminder of what had happened behind the closed door. His fingers stayed at a steady pace, pumping into you in time with the movement of his tongue. You couldn’t help but tug at his hair, needing more than he could possibly ever give you. At least, you thought it would be impossible to give, but Jake always managed to find a way. Your eyes were screwed shut as you bit down on your tongue, hoping to stay as silent as possible so nobody would know what was happening inside the room. His tongue was still laced with unholy energy, You were certain of it. There was no human that could possibly hold so much power within such simple movements. He was sent from the devil to turn you evil, too, and you didn’t care. Even if he was corrupt, or if the touch was woven with hidden intent, you would succumb to the temptation every time. Jake as an entity was much too powerful to resist, and you would be okay with it even if it was death you were suffering at his hands.

Your breathing was labored, chest heaving in hopes of catching up on the air he was stealing directly from your lungs. A thin layer of sweat had already begun to form on your forehead, your body so willing to give in to him with so little persuasion. It was always like that with Jake; it seemed as though he never even had to try to turn you into a mess because you were willing to do it as soon as he walked into a room. A raspy cry tore through you, already feeling an orgasm creeping up on you. It had been so long that you were surprised it even took him this long to get you there. You thought maybe he was savouring the moment, because Jake had to the ability to make you come undone in seconds. No matter what it was, you couldn’t find the strength to complain about it. You were so grateful for anything he was willing to give you, even if he chose to deny you an orgasm for the entire night.

That strength was not within him, though, and he was just as desperate for your climax as you were. He sped his tongue, matching the pace with his fingers, hoping that with a little encouragement you would come undone right then and there. You swore under your breath, holding his head for support in fear that your legs would give out from under you. He hummed against you, showing his own pleasure from your enjoyment. You felt the knot tightening in your belly, the burn almost too intense to ignore. You wished to drag it out a little longer, but you couldn’t hold back. It was partially due to your need for a release, but mostly because you could not deny him of his wish. He asked so little of you that you felt guilty even thinking of refusing him anything did want.

“Fuck, Jake.” You let out a shaky breath, feeling your muscles tense and your walls clench around his fingers. He did nothing but continue working at you, keeping a steady pace and continuous movement. Your fingers tightened against the strands of his hair, keeping you grounded as the world started to spin. You couldn’t even manage another word before the orgasm washed over you with a ferocious intensity. He tightened his grip on you, making sure you would not stumble and fall to the ground. You managed his name through the waves of pleasure, singing it like a hymn. Jake was the god you prayed to and the devil you feared. He was the angels watching over you and the sins you committed. He was everything and anything all at once, and although it was confusing, it was euphoric to be in the company of someone so magnificent. You hoped that you would never have to see a lifetime without him.

He slowly pulled away from you, making sure you were steady before removing your leg from his shoulder. With a shaky hand, you loosened your grip on his hair and moved it to his shoulder, supporting yourself with his help. “How was that, angel?” He asked, looking up at you. Your orgasm was glistening on his chin, like a trophy of the vulgarity you two had just engaged in.

“It was so good, baby.” You sighed, already recovered and ready for more. He stood, hands never leaving you as he did so. He wasn’t willing to stop touching you because he had spent the entire day believing he would never get the chance again. He guided you towards the chair placed in front of the vanity mirror. He unbuttoned his pants, only pulling them down to his knees before sitting in the chair. He wasn’t a fan of the time crunch, yet he was grateful for it all the same. It allowed him to give in to the temptation of you without needing any further excuses. He was certain that if he had to wait any longer, he might die from the agony alone.

He spit into his hand, stroking himself for a moment before reaching out for you and guiding you towards him. With your back to him and your legs on either side of his, he lined himself up with your entrance. “Waited so long for this, beautiful. You have no idea how many times I thought about having you like this again.” He murmured, lips just hovering over your ear. You took the intiative and lowered yourself onto him, both of you hissing in pleasure at the feeling after going so long without it.

“Just like this?” You asked, slowly gyrating your hips. He let out a hum of agreement, too lost in the pleasure to verbally express his feelings. “Did you touch yourself while you thought of me, Jacob?” You pressed, tone growing more firm the longer you spoke. His eyes snapped open, shocked that such a question had come from your mouth. “Hmm?” There was a fire in his pupil, like you had ignited a part of him he never knew existed.

“I don’t remember you being such a whore,” he said the word so sweetly, like it was far from insulting. But, being a whore for Jake was nowhere near insulting, and you would proudly admit to it any day of the week.

“Maybe you bring out the worst in me.” You hummed, looking forward and into the mirror, watching his face intently as the pleasure began to take over. “You didn’t answer my question, baby.”

“I did,” he groaned, your slow pace pushing him to the brink of insanity. You could feel him throbbing inside of you, desperate for more but willing to take what you were offering just so he could be close to you. “Every fucking night.” His fingers were burning into your hip, brandishing it with marks that would turn purple within minutes. He slipped his hand to the front of you, letting his middle finger find your clit so he could continue his torment. “Did you think of me when you were touching yourself?” He asked, eyes flickering up to your reflection.

“All of the time,” you sighed, leaning your head back to rest on his shoulder. He brought his free hand to your face, grabbing your cheeks between his fingers and forcing you to look back at the mirror.

“Keep watching, angel. Don’t miss all of the fun.” He said, pulling your earlobe between his teeth. You felt a flutter in your stomach, a warning from your body that it was going to explode if he didn’t slow down. “See how pretty you look with my cock inside of you?” Your hips stuttered, thrown off course by the vulgarity of his statement. “Don’t you think so?”

“Y-yes, sir.” You whimpered, weak from the tone of voice he was using. It was filled with power, yet coddling you at the same time. It was intoxicating, and you were a complete fool for him, eager to stay drunk off of it forever.

“Fuck you feel good,” he hissed, turning his head inwards to place a kiss to your neck. “Could fuck you all day.”

“We have the rest of our lives.” You whispered, barely realizing the weight of your words until the movement in his hands stuttered. He smiled against you as if you had given him the most wonderful gift in the world.

“We have the rest of our lives,” he agreed, trailing kisses from your neck to your shoulder. He dropped his hand from your face, bringing it to your breast as he rolled your nipple between his fingers. You arched your back at the feeling, only allowing him to thrust in even deeper as you came back down on him. You let out a whine, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix in a painful type of pleasure. He sped his fingers, knowing that as much as he wished to keep fucking you all night, he would need to leave soon. He felt you clench around him, your legs shaking as you tried to keep your pace steady. “Are you going to cum for me, sweet girl?” He muttered, eyes flickering up to watch the reflection. “Do you want to cum for me?”

“G-god yes,” you stuttered, holding on to his arm for extra support. He took in a long breath in attempt to calm himself, feeling dangerously close to the edge, too.

“Okay, baby. Want to watch you while you cum on my cock.” He encouraged, gaze focused on your face in the mirror. “Be a good girl for me.” He whispered, speeding his fingers ever so slightly. That was all you needed to come undone, head spinning with no real thoughts as your body vibrated against his hold. Your eyes were squeezed shut, his name stuck on your lips like it was the only thing you knew how to say. His jaw was clenched, knowing that he couldn’t hold on any longer, feral from the noises you were making for him. “That’s it,” he hummed, letting out a groan through gritted teeth.

When you started to relax against him, he took his window of opportunity and brought both of his hands to your hips. He pulled you down on him, forceful and loving all at the same time. You let out a yelp, all of your nerves still tingling with the ghost of pleasure. You leaned forward, grabbing on to the edge of the table to hold yourself steady while he fucked into you. It only took him a few moments to catch up, his orgasm long overdue and just as intense as your own. He spilled into you, muttering curses as he fucked his own release back into you. After a moment, he tapered his movements to a halt. You both sat there together for a moment, breathless and scared to move in fear of ruining the moment.

Eventually, he carefully stood, moving his hand to catch any potential mess as he pulled out of you. You sighed, disappointed at the loss of contact once he was fully parted from you. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” He said, motioning his head towards the bathroom.

“Yeah, okay.” You breathed, following after him to erase any evidence of the sinful activities you had engaged in. Once you finished, you searched your room for the clothes you had arrived in that morning, finding them in a pile on the floor. You slipped on the sweatpants and the t-shirt, a smile permanently stuck on your lips as you turned to face him.

“What are you smiling about?” He said, teasing you while knowing he had the same one on his own face.

“You,”

“Me, too.” He said, taking a step towards you. “I love you so much, y/n.” He mumbled, taking your face between his hands.

“I love you, Jake.” You said, wrapping your arms around him to pull him into a hug. He did the same, holding you just as tight.

“So, uh, maybe I should have asked sooner…” he started, pulling back so he could look down at your face. You watched him, wondering what could possibly be floating around in his brain. “Would you… would you like to be my girlfriend, maybe?” You laughed at his nervous stature, feeling a blush spread across your cheeks to match his own.

“I would love nothing more, Jacob.” You giggled, elated at the childish glee that overwhelmed his expression. He leaned down, placing a small kiss on your lips. Just as he did so, a knock sounded on your door. “Showtime,” You chucked.

“Showtime,” he agreed, hesitant to let you go, almost as if he was scared you wouldn’t be here once he got off stage.

“Go, I’ll be waiting for you right here when you’re done.” You said, urging him to listen to Aaron’s instruction. He nodded, leaning down and placing another short-lived kiss on your lips.

“Okay,” he sighed, moving away and towards the door. Just as he opened it, he looked back at you for a moment. “Thank you for sharing your secrets with me, Gold Dust Woman. They were far better than I ever imagined.” You laughed at his words, feeling the happy tears begging to make another appearance.

“It was a pleasure sharing them with you, Jake. Now go on, you’re going to do great tonight.” You shooed him away.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” You replied, blowing him a kiss. His eyes sparkled with adoration as he reached out, pretending to catch it. He then proceeded to pretend to shove it in his pocket before turning away.

“That’s my good luck charm.” He said, but he was gone before you could reply.

Slowly, you made your way towards the door and out into the hallway. Dylan was sitting on the side stage, looking back at your room with a hopeful expression. You gave her a nod and a thumbs up, barely able to contain your glee. She grinned, ecstatic at the news and already wanting to know all about it. You approached her, standing by her side as you looked out at the stage. She was caught up in Danny, who was sitting eagerly behind his drums, and you were caught up in Jake, who was already strumming away at his guitar. Even Sam, who was across the stage, had a smile on his face, knowing that he would be alright. The world seemed okay, and that was something you were eternally grateful for. You never pictured things turning out so perfectly, but even the most brutal of storms left a rainbow shining brightly in the sky.

You wrapped an arm around Dylan, your chest finally free from the aching pain that had been ravishing it for weeks. As you watched Jake, you knew that there was no doubt in your decision to love him. There was something eternal about the two of you, like when the oceans meet the rivers, and when the river meets the sand, leading you all across the earth until you find water once more. It was similar to how the day turned into dusk, only for the midnight skies to turn blue once again. An endless cycle that was the only permanent comfort in life. You could love Jake in every lifetime and never grow tired of it, and at the very end, you would still feel like you could love him even more than you already had. You would share every secret and untold story, and hope to make every memory and experience with him as beautiful as humanly possible. He was your lesson, the one you had been dreading for so long, but you were so grateful that you opened your mind for long enough to learn it.

He was your forever, and you were his Gold Dust Woman, just like it was always meant to be.

GOLD DUST WOMAN

EARLY MARCH 2023

HER POV

It’s nearly two in the morning as the tour bus pulls away from the venue in Jacksonville, fans still lining the gates to catch a glimpse of your exhausted crew. They smile and laugh as they wave out of the small open windows, happy to see their smiling faces again after such a long break. Jake was more than thrilled to be back on the road. His persistent pacing around the house as of lately starting to drive you mad. 

Sam was the first to pull away from the window, slumping down into the couch seating across from you with his paper cup of wine. Your eyes met with his for a brief second before he flicked them away, but you weren’t going to stand for that. “You okay Sammy?” you asked, pressing him to talk to you even though you knew he didn’t want to. 

He blows a puff of air through his nose, “Yep. I’m fine.” he quips, giving you the bare minimum of a response, hoping to shut you up. You raise an eyebrow to him in challenge and he sighs again. 

“Yes, I am fine Y/N. Swear, just tired. Haven’t played a full show in a while.” his eyes are dismissive as he flicks them around the confines of the bus. 

“Since when did we start lying to each other Sam?” you ask, concern thick in your voice. “You know I can see you on stage, right?” 

He shrugs as a response, completely brushing off the underlying accusation in your tone. He brings the paper cup to his lips, sipping the liquid and letting his eyes roll back as it hits his tongue. 

“Oh you are in so deep…” you murmur, watching the whole scene unfold before you. You look over towards Jake and Josh, talking amongst themselves before looking back to Sam. “Just remember how you felt watching Jake do this to himself two short years ago.”

Jake is suddenly plopping down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he crosses his leg over his knee. “Good show?”

“Do you think it was a good show?” you question, curious to see if he picked up on Sam’s sloppiness. It was blatantly obvious to you, so you felt like he should have noticed too. 

He sucks his teeth as he starts to answer, “I think we could have been a little tighter, but for the first show back I think it was acceptable.” he says, eyes darting over to Sam.

“I think it was fine…” Sam challenges, taking another pull from the cup. 

“Right, well I’m gonna get in bed. You coming?” he asks, squeezing the top of your thigh. 

“Yeah…” you pause, looking to Sam, “I think I made my point.” you finish, standing to grab his hand and follow him back towards the bunks and as you look over your shoulder you see Sam tossing back the rest of his paper cup before crushing it in his fist.

—

It had been three days since that brief chat with Sam, and as you stepped out the doors of the bus and into the humid, sticky air of Tampa you felt the weight of your words crushing you. You hadn’t spoken much since, him clearly trying to avoid you, even though you shared a terribly small space with him day and night. He wouldn’t look at you, wouldn’t talk to you, and you were starting to wonder if maybe you had pushed him too far with your accusations. Everyone seemed to be on his case lately, and as you took the title of shoulder to cry on, maybe it wasn’t your place to cast judgment. Without you he had no one to lean on, and now that he felt like he couldn’t talk to you, you knew the loneliness would send him deeper into the darkness of whatever was going on in his mind. 

Deciding to end this silent standoff now, you turned to him, throwing your hand out to stop his movement. “Hey, can we talk for a second?”

His eyes squinted slightly beneath his sunglasses, his hair blowing around in the wind as he focused in on you, “What’s there to say, Y/N? Want to join the others to stage my intervention?”

“Sam, stop. You know that I’m just worr–”

He scoffs, “Worried about me? Yeah. You all are. So worried…” he replies with a tinge of sarcasm. “So worried about how I feel as I watch you all climb into your bunks every night, emerging the next morning perfectly rested as I barely make it through the night without a nightmare. So worried when you share drinks after the shows, and walk back the bus hand in hand laughing and smiling. You’re all so busy in your own little love bubbles that you don’t take a chance to turn around and see me, walking alone, drinking alone and crawling into my bed alone. Every single night.”

He storms off, brushing past you as he makes his way into the venue doors, leaving you standing speechless as you watch. He was right, none of you really considered your actions when you were around him, acting completely normal as if he wasn’t desperate for the exact same thing.

You began to trudge inside feeling completely defeated and honestly a little bit stupid for not considering how Sam felt seeing you and Jake together. You feel a warm hand clasp with yours, snapping your attention to Jake who is looking at you with a concerned face. “What’s gotcha down, baby?”

“Do you even think about how Sam feels?” you question, stopping both of you in your tracks. He furrows his brow, locking his fingers with yours. “I mean, yeah I think so…” he answers, not fully understanding the depth of your question. 

“I think I’ve been a bad friend.” you state simply, checking to see he entered into the building. “He has to watch us hold hands, kiss, hug…” you pause, “That cannot feel good. Why haven’t we thought about this?”

“Baby…You really think that’s bothering him?” he asks, not believing that it could be true. 

“Yeah, because he just told me. We’ve been so…insensitive.” you continue, pulling your hand from his as Josh and Daniel pass you by. Jake nods his head for them to continue as he stands and listens to you talk. “We need to think about him next time we’re cuddled up on the bus, or kissing backstage. He doesn’t get to do that kind of thing anymore, and I’m sure he is desperately missing Elle everytime he sees us like that.”

He purses his lips together and nods his head in understanding, “Yeah, I uh…I didn’t think about it like that.” 

“I feel like shit Jake. Like a horrible friend. I should have known better.” you whine, rubbing your hand over your face. 

“No, hey…You’re not a bad friend. I promise. He’s just hurting right now. Give him some time. He will come around.” he says, squeezing your arm, as the two of you turn to walk inside the venue. You knew you needed to talk to Sam, apologize for everything. Promise you’d be a better friend, and you’d do just that, as soon as you could track him down. 

—

You’d spent much of the day running around and helping out with a few tasks backstage, a handful of original crew members unable to make the rescheduled dates leaving the tech crew slightly short staffed. It was nice though, doing something productive again. It reminded you of the early days when all you could do was run around a hope you could get everything done. Richard seemed to be handling the job with ease, really stepping into the position and learning how the guys operated.

You would receive glances from Sam every now and again, a look of sorrow in his eyes. You could tell he wanted to talk things over too, but every time you found a spare second a pair of hands would pull you away delegating a new task to you. 

Finally freeing yourself from your duties you snuck back into the greenroom to see the guys all sitting around talking, Jake strumming on his guitar as Josh tried to apply his rhinestones in the small vanity mirror. You took a seat next to Jake, and collapsed into the couch with an exhausted sigh. 

“They running you ragged out there?” he asked, turning his head to look at you as his hands continued to play. You nod with a sigh, turning your head to look over to Sam, scrolling on his phone as he sipped a bottle of water. 

“You gonna go talk to him?” Jake whispered. 

“I need to. I just don’t know what to say. I feel like shit. Today has just been… bad. Overwhelming. Too much.” you reply, digging your fingers into your eyes. 

“It will be okay, my love. I promise everything will work out. It will hit you and you’ll know exactly what to say, or he’ll get to you first. Either way…” he replies confidently, leaning over to press a soft kiss to your lips.

—

You stood at the side of the stage, leaning on the railing as you watched them play, a repeat of the nights prior, where things sounded good, but you knew that they would come off stage feeling as if they could have done better. As they all rushed off stage for the encore Jake had a special look in his eye, planting a quick kiss to your cheek before running off towards the bathroom. One by one they all began to make their way back towards the stage, the lights returning to the backdrop as Sam rushed over to his keys and locked eyes with you. 

The sound of his B3 beginning to play a sweet and simple tune fills the arena, the lights around him changing to a moody pink and bright orange, a combination you haven’t seen yet, causing you to furrow your brows. Jake rushes up the stairs, grabbing his guitar from his tech before turning to look at you, he pauses, as if he wanted to say something, letting his lips slip into a smile before finally speaking, “Hey…Remember that Vienne sunset?” he pauses, waiting for you to remember the candy colored sky. “I love you…”

“I love you…” you answer, as he steps out onto the stage, the first notes of a song long awaited swirling through the speakers. Josh rushes up the stairs next to you, his long gold cape flowing behind him as he shoots you a wink before stepping back out into the spotlight. 

You feel tears form in your eyes as he sings the first line of the song, feeling two pairs of eyes locked on you as the sentimental song graces your ears. Your song. “Flower Power…” you whisper to yourself. They hadn’t played it since that night in Chicago. The night you gave yourself over to Jake, vowing to never look back. What trials and tribulations you’d faced since then. Still at the end of it all, here you stood watching as he openly professed his love for you to an arena of thousands.

Your eyes flashed to Jake who gave you a sweet smile, saying everything he needed to say with just one look. He loves you, he’ll never stop loving you. Then you look to Sam who is sending you his unspoken version of ‘I’m sorry’, as his fingers dance across the keys. You mouth a ‘love you’ to him, blowing a kiss and watching him reach up to catch it with a smile. 

Sam clenched his chest with his right hand, moving as though he was pulling his heart right out of his rib cage. He then threw his hand toward you in the air, watching as his invisible heart flew right to where you stood. 

I’m sorry too, Sammy. 

You felt so full of love that your own heart could burst, but the looming absence of Elle’s presence caught up with you. There’s no one you’d rather be sharing this moment with than her, and as the song starts to finish up, you speak to her as if she was there, standing with you. “I miss you Elle. I love you…” you breathe. The final notes ring through as the crowd cheers, and as you fight back the tears you can almost feel her hand clasped in yours as you knew it would be, and you swear you can hear her voice in your head again, telling you that she loves you too.

—

 LATE MARCH 2023

JOSH POV

“We have them all, just need your final decision so we can place it for quick change.” Cat said, gesturing to the rack of jumpsuits. This was it. It was finally time to show the world what was next for Greta Van Fleet. Your eyes scanned over the jumpsuits of seasons passed, finally landing on one you often gravitated towards. One that held meaning. One that made you feel safe and whole. You pulled the chartreuse colored velvet from the rack, running your hands along the cascading vines of white roses and gems, your sacred emblem affixed to the back, causing your throat to tighten with emotion. This was it. This was the one. The blueprint. The one that came to you in a dream, before you brought it to life on paper, and now hold so reverently in your hands. Your sacred threads. Soon the world would know what this meant to you, but for now, just for one more show, you’d keep this secret to yourself, letting it provide you with the security and comfort you needed to be authentically yourself, and hoping that one day others would find the same comfort to be who they truly are, with the encouragement of the words they had yet to hear.

You handed her the hanger, laying the soft green fabric in her hands as you nodded, “This one Cat…It has to be this one.” 

“Sure thing, Josh. I’ll get it pressed and ready.” She turned, walking out the dressing room door as you returned to your chair, ready to attempt applying your rhinestones, feeling very much empty as you did so. But you felt her. You knew she was here, ready to walk with you through this transitional time in your life that the two of you discussed so deeply. She left you with no notice, quickly and tragically, but when she did she left you with something far greater than any tangible gift. She left you with a sense of confidence and pride in yourself that only someone wise beyond their years could bestow. Fulfilling her earthly time she led you to where you sat now, ready to share part of yourself with more than just the select few you’d chosen, telling you that tomorrow is not promised, and that everyday spent in the darkness of who you truly are is a day wasted. That everyday is a new day to live a beautiful and authentic life. As you stared at your reflection in the mirror, you saw a man no longer afraid. A man ready to speak his truth. You planned to do just that, and you would. Soon. Thanks to her.

—

With shaky hands you stepped into the green velvet, hearing Jake’s solo winding down and the thrum of Sam’s bass in your chest, only adding to the pounding your heart was already doing. It was time. It was finally time. You took a long pull from your hot tea as you skirted out of the dressing room, and sprinted back to the stage. You blew out a calming breath and shook out your hands, feeling the stiffness of the gold metallic paint on your cheeks. You skipped back out onto the stage, grabbing the tambourine from the drum platform, as you tried to dance out the nerves pulsing through your veins. As you tossed it to the crowd you turned to look at Jake, knowing he was feeling just as nervous as you were. You could feel it. 

You heard the gentle lead in from Sam’s keys, watching the lights dim around you. You took in a deep breath, ready to give the speech you’d practiced ten times in the mirror. Okay Ellebelle, it’s time. Wish me luck. Hold my hand. You smoothed your hands down the front of your suit nervously, feeling the familiar velvet beneath your fingers, letting it ground you as you spoke. “Ladies and gentleman, I’m excited tonight to announce to you that you’ll be bearing witness, I suppose, to the first time the world will ever have heard this song…”

—

After the wildly successful debut of ‘Meeting the Master’ a few short days ago, you all felt that playing a few more tonight, at the bookend show of the Dreams in Gold Tour, would go over just the same. However, tonight would be different, special, and even more memorable than anything you’d done before. 

“Are they handing out the shirts?” Sam asked eagerly, clapping his hands together in excitement. 

“Security has them and they will give them out at doors.” Y/N said, confirming on her walkie talkie. Sam smiled, popping the tab on his seltzer as he walked away. 

“Four new songs tonight…Are we ready?” Danny asks, addressing the room. Everyone turns to look at him, laughing as they nod their heads. “Yeah, a bit burnt out on the current list, aren’t you?” you ask. 

“The day we don’t have to play Safari Song at every show, can’t come soon enough.” Danny laughs, “But I am eager to hear ol’ big mouth on the mic tonight.” he says, wiggling his brows at Sam. 

“I’m just excited to use my new girl tonight…” he says, reenacting the motions of strumming the strings of his bass. 

“Oh yeah, time to bust out the old Rickenfaker, huh?” Jake asks, zipping his boots from his place on the couch. “I too will be busting something out of the closet.”

“Yeah, haven’t really got to fuck around with it since we recorded. Just here and there a little bit. Gonna hunt down a real one, might even find a green one.” he taunts.

“We are about to have some major time off, should make that your project. I’ll throw in on it.” Jake says, with a soft smile. 

“Yeah, actually, so will I. You deserve to replace old faithful.” Danny says, taking a seat next to Jake. 

“Replace her!?” Sam gasps dramatically, “I could never…” he winks. 

“Fuck it, I guess we’re all going in on it, huh?” you say, buttoning the snaps of your jumpsuit pants. You send Sam a wink as he shrugs bashfully towards you. You stand up, ready to go grab a drink before the show, approaching Sam where he stood. “Find one and send me the listing. I’ll get it for you Sammy.” you say, whispering in his ear as you snuck out the door. This was the first time you’d seen him smile a real, genuine smile in months. If buying your baby brother a new instrument is what it would take to keep that smile there, well, there would be no price too high for something like that. 

—

The four of you stood behind the Dreams in Gold curtain for the last time, ready to face your new adventure head on. The lights dropped as you began to vocalize, nervous chatter between the other three humming in your ear as Jake began to pluck on his strings for effect. You tossed them all one final thumbs up, ready to begin a night that none of you would ever forget. 

As the curtain fell before you, you took in the sight of the nearly sold out arena, cameras zooming overhead as they filmed your every move. You knew this footage would be good, a time capsule to look back on in years to come, a piece of live media documenting your growth as artists. Ready to dive into the first new song, you took a deep breath, running over the lyrics in your head, praying you wouldn’t slip up, resting assured knowing they would have no idea, this time at least. The people lining the barricade watched along in awe, meeting your energy with each note, but completely losing their minds as Sam’s microphone was set out. You all smiled as Sam sang his harmonies with natural ease, ready to transition into a few more crowd favorites before shocking them again with something else new. 

It seemed like no time at all had passed as the lights slipped into that deep purple lighting, cueing you that it was time for another debut. Jake looked at you, playing the intro to ‘The Indigo Streak’, a huge smile on his face as his fingers glided across the strings. You caught sight of the sidestage, seeing your family gathered cheering you on with thumbs up and whispers of love. You were thrilled to see the crowd responding so well to these songs, white t-shirts slung over their shoulders and being swung through the air as your voice echoed through the arena. 

You stopped to catch your breath, drinking down a swig of tea before starting what would be the most important track on the new album. The song of who you were. Who you aimed to be. Who Elle helped you to realize you’ve always been. Here it is Elle. I know you’re here. This one’s for you. 

You could feel her there with you, guiding you through the emotional moment of vulnerability between you and the crowd, connecting with them over a song that they would soon learn the importance of. You felt on top of the world as you received nods of approval from each of your brothers, finally feeling a piece of you break free from the chains that felt so suffocating to you for far too long. You rode that high until the encore came, coming right out the gate with the final new song of the night. The song that would ultimately close out the new album that would be theirs so soon. 

It felt good, normal even to see Jake prancing over to you, ready to sing with you. Suddenly finding the confidence within himself to sing on the record, loud enough to where you could hear him. You owed that to Y/N, knowing without her none of this would have been possible in the first place. As you stood there with him, singing your love song to your fans, you wrapped your arm around his neck, holding close to you the person who's always meant the most, his heart pounding beneath your hand as your voices melded into one. For someone who so often lost himself in the music, he was absolutely here and present with you, his twin, in this moment.

The time was rapidly approaching, tonight you’d announce the new album, giving them a small taste of the overall theme and approach of the new era. Giving them the name that each of you held so close to your still mending hearts. Deciding that the world, so full of hate, could use a little light and love. A little piece of Eleanor. 

With a deep breath, you said your goodbyes, taking one last look at the crowd before turning around to cue your brothers, “Thank you very much Sacramento…We give you, Starcatcher.” 

And as you sang those final notes of the song that propelled you onto the path you’re on, the curtain dropped, ushering in a brand new era of Greta Van Fleet. 

‘Starcatcher’ was born.

—

MAY 2023

JAKE POV

Two music festivals was all that stood between you and the long, and frankly well deserved, break you needed. You loved playing festivals, feeling the energy of the crowd who had stood in the sun all day just to see you perform. Feeling the wind blow as you watch the sun slip further into the sky. Somehow you’d worked your way from midday opening sets at shitty town festivals to playing the sunset slots with major names on the lineup. Now that you’d debuted a couple of new songs, it broke up the monotony of what now felt like a stale set. It was bittersweet, bidding farewell to a few songs, knowing it would be like pulling teeth to have everyone agree to play them again. So doing them justice and laying them to rest with one last perfect sunset, seemed to be the best way, you could think, to let them go.

The past month had been filled, sun up to sun down with promotional planning and execution for the new album. Recording videos, doing interviews, shooting what was arguably your best music video to date. You name it, it had been done. The tour dates were released almost a month ago at this point, and you felt the first date growing nearer and nearer. 

Everything started to seem more real as more plans became reality before your eyes. You had set out some very large wants this time around, asking for things you’d only dreamed of before. Catwalks, outfit changes, even a second stage. Every request was met with excitement and encouragement from your team, helping make those things that were once just crazy ideas seem not too far fetched. Though there was still one dream yet to be realized, and with some very careful, and albeit secretive scheming, a plan had been set in place, and as you marked each day off of your calendar, the desire in your chest grew. The ring was secured, being hidden away somewhere at Josh’s home, a small velvet box that held your future. Everything you ever wanted was banking on her ‘yes’. 

So now, as you pulled on your dragon covered coat for what would be the very last time, you wore it with pride, knowing that what came next for you as far as your career, and your life, would be the best season yet. You made your way across the small artist trailer, looking for Y/N, before stepping out to join your bandmates. You wanted her to check you out one more time before you stepped on stage taking in the moment and storing it away forever, because the next time she did it, god willing, she would be more than just your girlfriend. She would be your fiancé.

—  

MID JUNE 2023

HER POV

“Well Sammy, is that the one?” you ask, shielding your face from the blazing summer sun. He shook the small magnolia tree in his hand with a satisfied grin, inspecting it top to bottom. 

“Yeah, I think this is it. This is the one.” he agrees proudly, hauling it into the little trolley cart. The two of you walk with arms linked, basking in the glow of the sun as you make your way to the cashier to pay for the infant plant. 

“I’ve got this Sammy. Remember?” You say, pushing away his debit card. You hand the cashier your card and the two of you walk out of the store, sliding the new tree into the back of the old Bronco. Sam jumps into the driver’s seat, rolling his window down and letting the breeze catch his hand as he holds it out the window. You see a childlike joy on his face as it flies into the air, so you do the same, just enjoying the time with your best friend.  

It wasn’t too long before you were pulling up at his house, unloading the tree and new soil into the backyard. Sam wasn’t saying much, but you didn’t expect him to. You knew this was going to be hard for him. Doing something with you that he’d rather be doing with Elle, now instead doing it in memory of her. You helped him pick a spot, somewhere it could really flourish and take root, growing bigger with each passing year. Deciding on the back left corner of the yard, not too close to the fence, right next to a well established Gardenia bush, Sam dug his shovel into the ground. 

Once the hole was dug and a little bit of new soil was mixed with the dirt, Sam cut the tree out of the bucket, and set it in the hole. “Hey, throw some soil in and I’ll be right back.” he said standing up and scampering through the back door. You continued, adding new soil and massaging the root bundles until they were free, trying to position the plant to stand tall and straight on its own. Sam reappeared a minute later with a small plastic bag. You knew what it was, you didn’t even need to ask, and your heart hurt for him as he shakily opened it and began to sprinkle the contents into the soil. 

“This is what she would have wanted…” he says, trailing off. 

“It is, Sammy. But I think she would have wanted you to keep a little piece of her too…” you say, watching him scoop the gray ashes into the soil. He stops, and looks at the bag, and back towards you before nodding and twisting it closed. “You’re right, I…I just don’t know what to do with her. I want to put her somewhere where I can see her everyday, but it hurts so bad every time I do.” he says, looking at his hands. 

“Remember what we talked about a few months ago. About grief being like a ball in a box?” you ask, watching as he nods his head in remembrance. “So, how does your ball feel now compared to then?” 

“I…I don’t know, smaller I think, but not much. I think things are getting easier but it’s still hitting the button a lot.” he says, you can feel the defeat oozing off of him. “I think drinking so much was making the ball feel bigger.”

You nod your head, silently acknowledging his efforts to change his bad habits. “The ball will get smaller and smaller every day until eventually, it will only hit that pain button sometimes. You’ll see something or hear something that reminds you of her and that tiny tiny ball will find that button. It will hurt, it will hurt so bad, but it will only be for a little while, and then it will be gone again until the next time. And the minutes between then and the next time will be spent laughing, having fun, playing your music, and being happy, just like she would want you to.”

“I still love her…” he whispers. 

“I know you do, Sammy. I still love her too. We always will, just in different ways than we want to.”

—

A few hours later the two of you sat on his back porch, enjoying the cool weather, as you talked about plans for tour and all the fun places you’d be visiting in the coming months. He grabbed his acoustic from the table, and set his drink down on the ground, pulling his guitar up to his chest and beginning to strum quietly. “Can I tell you a secret?” he asks over the faint tune. 

“Of course…” you answered, leaning closer to him, tucking your legs up underneath you.

“I think I knew that day in the garage that you were gonna end up with Jake.” he admits bashfully. “The way you looked at him, I–I just had a feeling.” he pauses, plucking his fingers on the strings. “You know I helped him write Flower Power. Was really one of the first songs we ever worked on together. A lot of people don’t really know this, but there was a long piano segment that was cut from the recording. There’s the long outro of course, but there was a piano piece we cut from the middle. I’d play it live sometimes, but…it kind of got lost after some time and well, then we kind of just stopped playing the song all together. Always thought of you when I played that part, kinda wrote it for you back then. A little bit ironic to think that it got cut, and well, so did I. I guess the reason I’m telling you this is because, I know that’s an important song for you and Jake, but I need you to know that it’s important for me too, for nearly the same reason. Was my idea to play it in Tampa, you know…To tell you I’m sorry, and that I love you.”  

“Sam, I–”

“I think it’s kind of fitting, considering everything, don’t you?” he asks, a small laugh leaving his lips. “Starts off with Jake on the acoustic, then I come in on the keys, but I’m just there in the background providing the bassline to keep the song afloat, letting Jake really shine and take over. Then you can hear both of us on the track, keys fighting the strings as Josh sings. But we all know Jake’s guitar is really the star of the show drawing everyone’s attention as he so often does, right up until the end where I come back in, playing my B3 to carry it home with his gentle accompaniment...” he pauses again, “It’s kind of exactly how everything went down with us if you think about it. Kinda wrote the song of our lives…First came Jake, exciting and fun, as I lingered in the background, holding steady while you two flourished. Then there was me, my piano solo, my time to shine, you and I finally got to be together, until suddenly we weren’t. Then, there was both of us, fighting for the upperhand, Jake taking the lead as I faded into the background again. Jake swept you off your feet completely, holding onto you, keeping you for his own, wanting you to be his forever…But then there’s me swooping in again, and causing chaos, disrupting something good and perfect, trying to make something fit where it doesn’t belong… But eventually Jake comes back, and he and I learn to do this together, finding a way to both have you…right until the very end. We kind of predicted our own future.”

Your hand is completely covering your mouth as you try to stifle back the sob wanting to rip through your chest. 

“Guess what I’m saying, is that I’m glad that we did that project together Freshman year, because it gave you Jake, and seeing you happy and in love with him has been the greatest joy in my life thus far. And although in some alternate universe I’m pretty sure it’s you and me that end up together, I’m more than happy to live in this one, just like this, watching you be happy and in love and waiting for my chance at forever.” he says, reaching out to wrap his pinky around yours, tears falling freely from your eyes at this point. You squeeze his finger tightly, as you look at him, swallowing down the lump in your throat as you silently promise that you’ll always be here. Forever and ever.

—

FOURTH OF JULY

JAKE POV

As soon as your eyes opened that morning, your stomach was in knots. It was as if your nerves were waiting for you to wake up, waiting for your body to become conscious again so they could remind you that today was the day that would change everything for the rest of your life. It was pure adrenaline, and it shot through your extremities making your fingers tingle and your guts swarm. Dread? No. Excitement. 

The sun was already hot on your face; the window you’d left open last night blowing the sweet breeze of midsummer into your bedroom, filling your memory with the smell of home. Your true home. It was comforting, feeling yourself enveloped in the stability that was the house you were raised in. And it gave you a sense of surety. Like it was talking to you from the walls. 

You can do it, Jake…I’ve raised you up right. 

You’ve never been more sure. 

Keep building on your bones, fill your foundation with all the things that make up your love for her. 

Nothing is going to change. Life can only get sweeter from here…

Okay. 

You twisted your body in the bed, pulling the sheets and comforter along with you, effectively taking them away from Y/N. She didn’t seem to mind though, or even notice. She was still sleeping soundly, her face still sheathed in the serenity of rest, her eyes shooting from side to side as she dreamed. The sunshine flowing onto her face made the remnant glimmer from last night’s makeup illuminate her face, and her cheeks were still pink and rosy. 

You took a second to watch her sleep, taking her in in her truest and most vulnerable state. It had been some time since you’d done this, most mornings being interrupted by daily tasks and obligations. She was truly beautiful. Not the kind that needed to be told that she was, but the kind that was almost timeless. She had really come into her own this past year after enduring more hardship than any one person should have to endure before they’re even 30. 

The freckles across her nose were brought out by the summer sun. You watched as the tiny crows' feet on the outside corners of her eyes piqued as she dreamed…she hated them, always complaining of how they made her look older, when in all reality it was one of your favorite parts of her face. “It’s just because you smile and laugh a lot, baby. And that’s a good thing…you’re adorable.”

It was almost painful having to stop yourself from tracing your finger across her features, committing each and every detail to memory exactly how she was today. One of the most important days of your life. You wanted to cherish each and every piece of her, as she would never be as young as she was right now. Your girl, your forever… at least, she would be after tonight. God willing. 

“I can feel you looking at me, Jacob…” her voice was groggy and full of sleep, but the tiny grin that followed was enough to pull each and every knot in your stomach loose, the ends of the ropes falling free as you reattached yourself with reality. 

Her sparkly eyes peeked open, seeing you looking at her with all the intensity you could muster this early. You didn’t feel embarrassed that she’d caught you in the act, but instead you felt emblazoned with confidence; you were adamant about sharing every single emotion with her from here on out. If she caught you, so be it. You felt shameless in the fact that you tenaciously loved her. 

“Goodmorning…” you half-whispered, leaning your head in your hand as you rested on your elbow. “Sleep well, baby?”

She leaned back and stretched, your old band t-shirt exposing her lower torso as her arms lifted high above her head. Her muscles shook as they woke up, but the smile never left her face. 

“Like a baby, how about you?” She finally answered, bringing her hand down to flatten your bed head. 

“Like a rock…babies don’t sleep all night, Y/N, you should know that.” You teased. 

Her giggle lit up the room. “You’re right…babies don’t know what they’re missing, being up half the night.”

“Mmm, maybe that’s why they do it. Afraid they’ll miss something important.” You argued. 

“You remember when you used to sleep half the day away? Not even emerging from your cave until 2pm like some kind of vampire?” She asked, rolling herself to straddle your waist. 

Your hands found her bare thighs, your fingertips tapping some unknown beat as you moved them slowly toward her hips. “Yes…until someone convinced me that mornings were the best part of the day…I got better after you taught me that.”

She flipped her hair to one side, leaning down low to rest her forehead on your shoulder. “Yes, you did. And has it improved your day-to-day life, Mr. Kiszka?”

Your head dizzied at the fact that tonight, you’d be going to sleep knowing whether or not she would be taking your last name. 

“Tremendously, Ms. Y/N.” You pulled her chin to bring her face to yours, your heavy eyes scanning her face before placing a tiny peck to her lips. She paused a second, resting her weight down onto you as she kissed you again, her lips still sweeter than anything you’d ever tasted. You felt your hips buck into her on their own, your body always failing your brain when it came to her. 

She pulled away. “Ah-ah, Jake. We have a lot to do today…it’s supposed to rain all day and—“

You swirled your hips into her groin, knowing for a fact that you could turn her on in a few seconds flat if she’d just…

“It can all wait…” you argued, licking your tongue into her mouth. 

Her aggravated groan told you that it was working. She pressed her hips down into you again, not doing anything to help the morning wood that was screaming to be let free of the confines of your boxers. 

“Mmm, no baby. It can’t. Plus, we’re in your parents house, in your rickety old bed…” 

Your hands found her hair, gripping the sides of it as you used the leverage to sit her down harder. “Never stopped us before…” you all but panted, your want for her far exceeding any embarrassment you might feel from someone hearing you. 

She laughed into your mouth. “Jake, the whole house is awake now, though…be a little suspicious don’t you think?”

You groaned at the thought, knowing good and well that sound traveled well through the walls of your old house, and yes, you did have a lot to accomplish today. 

“Haven’t you had enough of me, anyway?” She asked, popping up on her hands. 

Is she serious?

You pushed the hair away from her face. “I will never, ever have enough of you, baby. Ever.”

——

“Where are Josh and Danny going? We got all the alcohol and fireworks yesterday…” Y/N asked as she watched them pull out of the driveway. You, her, and Sam were busy making sandwiches and packing snacks for the all-day Fourth of July party at the lake, just like you had done every summer since you could remember. 

Your stomach dropped, quickly thinking of a lie. 

“Ah, I’m not sure, actually. I think Danny wanted to try and find this new beer he’s been looking for that you can’t get in Tennessee.” Sam interrupted, saving the day. He sent you a quick wink while Y/N had her head in the refrigerator. 

“Oh. Hmm. Okay. Does Josh like mustard? I can never remember…” 

What Y/N didn’t know was that you’d sent Josh and Danny on a mission. How difficult of a mission it would be, you weren’t sure…but the two of them assured you that you needn’t worry in the least. How hard could finding one hundred bloomed daisies be, anyway?

“Alright well, are they meeting us there? I think we’re all packed up…” she said, placing her hands on her hips. 

“Yep!” You replied, smacking her lightly across her ass. “Just gotta stop for ice.” 

——

It was particularly hot that day, even with the light cloud coverage, which added to the ease of the cheap beers disappearing quickly down your throat. You and Sam had commandeered your normal spot on the lake of the beach, tidying up the fire pit and collecting firewood for the fire later in the evening. 

“Oh my god!” You heard Y/N yell as she dug through the cooler. 

“What what?!” You replied. 

“I forgot the hot dogs! Shit!” She said, pilfering through the thick ice you'd just thrown on top of the food. 

“Oh no, now we’ll have to eat s’mores for dinner! Oh the horror, the humanity!” Sam cried in an overly dramatic display. “How could you ever do such a thing, Y/N?!” Just then he walked to the drink cooler, pulling out two packs of hotdogs, and one pack of veggie dogs, tossing them to Y/N. 

“Oh, thank god.” She sighed. 

“And they say I’m just a pretty face…” he gloated, shutting the drink cooler closed. 

“Yeah, yeah. You better watch it or I will drown you in the lake.” Y/N spat back, earning a tight chuckle from you. 

“You wouldn’t dare, you love me too much.” 

“MMm, I don’t know Sam. She may love you but it probably won’t stop her from at least trying to drown you…” you quipped. 

“If I remember right, this time just two years I was trying to pry her wandering eyes from you Jake. Don’t suppose it worked, did it?” Sam smiled. 

You couldn’t do anything but smile, thinking back to when you were pining for her from the water while she and Sam cuddled up on the beach, completely taken with each other. But that night on the picnic table changed everything. Now tonight…things will change dramatically once again. 

“Would you both shut up and keep stacking rocks? You’re giving me a headache…” she interjected, popping the top on a white claw. 

Danny’s Jeep pulled up not long after, and he and Josh hopped out with the biggest shit eating grins painted across their faces. 

“Hey guys! Did you find it?” Y/N asked, stopping them both in their tracks.

“Uhhh…” Josh mumbled, looking to you for help. 

You quickly nodded your head no from behind her, cutting your flat hand across your neck. 

“Nope! Sure didn’t!” He replied, completely unknowing she was asking about some random beer. “Couldn’t find it…anywhere…” you watched as he ran off from her sight, throwing his hands in the air as he hopped through the fire pit. 

He stopped short of you as you stood a set of logs on their ends. “Actually found tons…” he whispered quietly. “Like, way more than needed. Got some candles, too. Gonna be perfect. And the weather’s cleared up, no more clouds. And they called the rain off…” 

You glanced up from behind your sunglasses seeing Josh’s giddy expression as he squatted in front of you. You looked up to the sky, seeing a perfectly cloudless blue.  “Thanks, brother. I appreciate the help. What time is sunset?”

“Right at 9, we should head up about 8 if we wanna make it look natural, I think.” He said, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

You shook your head, huffing a tight exhale as you stood. “No no no, brother. Don’t start with the nerves now. It’s gonna be okay, best day ever…” 

“Best day ever.” You repeated, feeling the same knotted feeling in your stomach as this morning. You pushed the feeling away, but knew it wouldn’t be the last time you’d feel it today. 

The day went on normally, filled to the brim with laughs and swimming and too much alcohol, just like always. You finally saw Sam getting back to his almost-normal self, with only tiny pieces of time when the pain would hit him. One minute he’d be wrestling Danny in the water over the last bag of chips, then the next he’d be dragging himself up the beach with his head in his hands, fighting the demons you were sure had never left him. 

“You alright, Sammy?” You questioned as he plopped himself in the beach chair beside you. 

You watched as he pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes, leaning his head back onto the chair as he pulled on his Corona. “What constitutes alright, Jake?” He bit his upper lip. “Am I living my daily life going through the motions, trying to keep up with normal activities…doing my laundry, paying my water bill, feeding myself a shit meal at least once a day? Yeah… then randomly getting sideswiped by a rush of heartbreak so bad I could throw up, the memories so vivid they literally give me a headache. The grief, so horribly debilitating that I wish every single day I could just completely forget she ever existed so that I wouldn’t have to feel the pain ever again? Yep. Do I wanna write music? Yeah, and I do, but. It’s not the same. And I try, Jake. I do. I’m trying so hard. So, if that constitutes your question of if I’m alright…well. I guess that’s up for interpretation.”

You swallowed hard at his response, looking for words to help him, but you knew nothing would. 

He lifted his sunglasses, pushing back the tiny dripping hairs that had fallen in front of his face. He leaned in close, checking your surroundings before he spoke. “And don’t you fucking dare think about changing your mind about tonight because of that. You better fucking do this, or else you will never hear the end of it from me. Show her how much you love her, Jake. Please.”

He replaced his sunglasses and leaned back again, stretching his legs in front of him. Sweet Sam, didn’t he know he was transparent? But god, the pride you felt for him acting so maturely about the subject…

“Sammy, can I promise you something?” You choked out, making him raise his eyebrows. 

“Jake, I don’t need any lec—“

“Just let me talk…listen. I promise… I’m going to take care of her. For the rest of our lives, until I can’t anymore. I’m done being the asshole boyfriend that snaps on a whim. I’ve learned the value of having…life. I’m going to be the best…” you swallowed hard again, catching the word in your throat before it came out. You watched as one singular tear fell down the side of Sam’s cheek before he quickly swatted it away, stoically sniffling before biting his cheeks in. “I don’t think I will ever give her the same kind of happiness that you did, I’m not sure I’m capable of it. And that’s no one’s fault, just the way it is. I will, though, the way that…” you bit your tongue again. “The way that you always wanted me to. For her. Okay? I promise. But I need you to promise me something too…”

He nodded hard, eyes still shaded and forward. 

“Please don’t hold resentment toward us. I know what you felt with her, and I don’t discount the fact that it might not ever go away. For either of you. I understand the fact that love can’t be destroyed. For her, for Elle…” you took a deep, chopped breath. You followed his gaze, seeing that he already had his eyes fixed on her, watching as she and Josh floated freely in the cool water. 

“Sam, I need you to promise me you’ll keep loving her the exact same way you are right now, okay? It’s strong, Sam. It always has been. Everyone can see it. You need each other. You two are like two sides of the same coin. You’ve got a lot of love to give, and it’s not fair that I ask you to stop showing it because I’m asking her to marry me. I’ve always felt the worst guilt for taking her away from you—“

“You didn’t take her away from me, Jake. She was always yours, you were always hers.” He breathed barely above a whisper, his eyes still trained on her. 

You sighed. “I think we thought that, Sam, after Elle came along. But, before that…I know you always wanted it to be you doing the exact thing I’m doing tonight.”

His jaw clenched hard again. You knew you were right. It put a hole straight through your heart that things were this way. How intense it was, you could never tell, but you could read Sam well. And now that he would never get his happy ending with his own love of his life, you knew his resentment for you and Y/N was probably eating him alive. 

“Sammy, I’m not asking you to go back to the way things were with you and her, obviously, but I can ask you to never stop voraciously loving her, because she’s always going to do the same for you. I know she is. Can you do that? For me?”

You watched as he fought tears with everything he had in him, clenching his jaw until you saw his heartbeat in his cheek. 

“I can do that.” He barely choked out. 

“You promise me?” 

He nodded. “I promise, brother.”

You leaned across and pulled his bare chest into yours, resting your chin on his shoulder as you gently patted his back. “Thank you, Sammy.” You pulled away, seeing the corner of his lips slightly turn up. “Keep me in fucking check, too, ya know?” You punched his shoulder. 

You knew it was genuine. You knew his promise may have been half-hearted right now, how could it not be? Not enough time had passed for his grief process to take full effect. You knew how he felt, you knew him watching you propose to her tonight might send him into another dark hole he would have to claw his way out of. 

Or…maybe it wouldn’t.

“So do I um…do I have your blessing?” You asked him. 

His face shot directly to you. “My what?” 

“Your blessing. I already talked to her dad…but I want yours. You are her best friend…” you sucked in a breath through your teeth, awaiting his answer. 

You knew that he had asked her blessing to marry Elle, so it only seemed right you ask his, too. 

He sat forward in his chair, obviously blindsided by your request. After a few seconds, he nodded. “Of course you do, yeah…are you kidding?”

“You’re sure? You’re positive?” You teased, pulling out your drunken pirate accent. 

He slapped you on the shoulder. “Have I ever lied to you, brother?”

——

“Race you to the dock?” You heard her bark from behind you, yanking on your shorts and pretending to pull them down before she took off running down the beach. You were hot on her heels as your bare feet tumbled across the old wood slats barely hanging on to the worn-down framework of the dock. 

She threw herself off and toward the water, turning in midair to see you following right behind her, both of you suspended in space for a second before crashing into the water. When you resurfaced, she was swimming hard to you, taking your head in her hands and kissing you with a fervor you hadn’t felt from her in a while. 

Your face soaking wet and still halfway submerged, you let her kiss deeply into your mouth, grabbing at her legs to wrap around your waist as you both bobbed on the surface of the water. After a few seconds of breathless embrace, she pulled away, resting her forehead against yours for just a beat. 

“I love you…” she cooed, the now barely setting sun making her skin glow a deep orange. 

“I love you more…” you sang back, your heart doing literal flip flops from the simple gesture. 

“Get a room!” You heard Josh holler from the bank. 

As the evening grew later, your anticipation grew stronger, the expectant hope making your muscles feel weak. You shared countless glances with your brothers all evening, and each and every time it was as if they were hyping you up silently, reading your anxious body language while Y/N had no clue in the matter. 

The ring sat in the glove box of Josh’s Jeep, tucked away in a small box that he could hide in his shorts pocket while the five of you trekked up to Grandview Rock. You watched as Danny repeatedly checked his watch, counting down the minutes until 8 o’clock. 

Breathe, Jake…

“Should we build the fire, start the hotdogs?” Y/N asked as she wrapped herself in a towel. 

“Noooo, not yet! We still haven’t done the most important thing!” Sam yelped, his choice of words making your stomach drop yet again. 

“And what’s that, Samuel?” She inquired. 

“Jump off Grandview Rock a hundred times, what else?” He answered nonchalantly. 

You watched as she scoffed. “Well why didn’t we do that earlier in the day? It’s getting dark…”

“Because Grandview Rock at sunset is just…” Josh kissed his fingertips, letting them flicker into the air. “Plus, we didn’t get to jump with you last year. Not fair.”

Y/N shoved a handful of Doritos into her mouth, dusting off her fingers as she pulled the towel away. “Okay, let’s go then.” She stood from the chair, and you knew that the time was nigh. A cheeky side-smile from Josh let you know that it was go-time, and he was ready to execute the plan. 

Fuckkkkkkk. Your nerves might not let you swim. 

You watched as he darted to his Jeep, grabbing a lighter and the box and shoving them into his pocket when she was far enough ahead to not notice. The five of you began the short hike around the lake to the trail, everyone submerging themselves in their own conversation while you hung behind, positive you could throw up on command. 

The thin dirt trail that wound up the hill to the bluff looked the same as it always did, worn-down and littered with rocks and roots, the coverage of the tall trees above setting the perfect scene for a beautiful and memorable hike. 

You walked ahead to catch up with Y/N, softly taking her hand in yours as your bare feet navigated the trail. Her smile made your heart stop, the shadows of the light passing through the leaves bringing you a peace you didn’t know you needed. 

“Remember the last time we walked up here…?” You asked, letting the other guys go ahead. 

“Yeah, it was hot like this. Almost sunset…I was so nervous to jump, and nervous it was with you…” she said, swinging your arms as you walked. 

“I was nervous to be with you, too. But I was excited.” You smiled at the scene, being just as nervous as you were then, but for a whole other reason now. 

“Yeah, my heart was beating so fast the whole walk up here, but then you picked me—“ her words stopped short, running her hands along the tall weeds lining the trail. “—a daisy…Jake, look how strange, all the daisy heads have been picked off their stems…” 

You stopped breathing, a tiny grin eating through your words. “Yeah, that is weird…”

When you made it to the rock, you knew it would take her a few minutes to build up the courage to jump, just as it had last time. You squeezed her hand as you helped her onto the step-like stone to the bluff, your brothers not far behind. You walked to the edge of the rock, looking below for any type of debris or hazards in the water. 

“Looks good, who’s first—“

“Aaaaooooohhhh!” You heard Y/N squeal as she ran past you, flinging herself hard off the rock, letting herself freefall into the water below you. 

“Holy shit!” Sam yelled as you all ran to the edge just in time to see her emerge from the water, her hands flailing wildly in the air as she let out another yelp.  

“Come on, assholes! What are ya, scared?!” She yelled from below. 

The four of you shared confused laughs, completely surprised that she was the first one in the water. 

You took turns bounding off the high rock, catching your breath below before climbing up the hillside and doing it again. 

“Babe, where did this come from, this courage…? I swore I’d have to talk you into it again.” You asked her on the third or fourth trip. 

“Ah, I don’t know…” she answered, out of breath. “I’m not scared of much anymore…” she reached the top of the bank, extending her hand to help you climb between the thick bushes to the top. 

God, you loved her so much. 

Before long, you had all pushed yourselves to the point of exhaustion, sitting and resting on top of the rock as you watched the sun begin to dip low behind the trees. 

After a minute of silence, Y/N spoke up. “Elle would absolutely love this view of the sunset.” 

“Yeah, she would…she did, actually. She jumped off this rock many a-times.” Sam added. 

“Maybe she’s the reason we had such a good day, eh? She held off the rain…” Josh cooed, crossing his legs as he sat back on his hands. 

You all nodded in agreement while you thought about her, her absence still so harshly fresh in all your minds. 

After another few minutes of silence, you decided to break the ice. Another nervous churn. Aghhh, breathe. 

You stood and cleared your throat. “One more jump?” 

Her eyes met yours. “Yeah. One more.” You helped her from her seat, slowly walking to the edge of the rock before turning and looking to your overly excited brothers. 

“You guys go, we’ll be right behind you.” Josh stammered through his high-pitched excitement. 

You turned back to Y/N, inhaling a deep and centering breath before counting it off. 

“1, 2, 3!” You yelled, and you launched yourselves again. This time, the water felt warmer as the bubbles tickled your sides, the same jolting feeling hitting your brain as you finally found oxygen again at the surface. She emerged at about the same time, catching her breath as you swam toward each other. 

Just as you had two years ago, you watched as she floated on her back in the water, lightly kicking her arms and legs to stay afloat as she stared up at the darkening sky. 

“Babe, look.” She whispered, pointing toward the opposite side of the sky as the sun. “The North Star.” 

You swam to her, sitting her up in the water as you hugged her from behind. “Polaris…and where there’s Polaris, there’s…”

She turned around in your arms, kissing you hard like she had earlier. “Your Little Dipper…” she whispered, her lips barely dancing across your cheek. “I still can’t believe you bought me a star…A piece of us is up there somewhere…”

You felt your hand grab onto her side, your thumb grazing over her tattoo as you kissed her hard again. You felt a confidence surge up in your system, and you suddenly felt like you could move mountains with your love for her. 

Never been more sure…

“Where are they? Shouldn’t they have jumped by now?” She asked as she pulled away and started swimming toward the bank. “Are they okay?”

They’re more than okay, babe…

“I don’t know, maybe we should go check on them.” You both worked your way to the edge, climbing your way to land and making your way to the short trail back to the rock. 

You could feel your heartbeat in your head, and your ears had nearly gone deaf from the surge of adrenaline. You hoped to god they were finished up there. Breathe, Jake…breathe…now or never…

When you finally reached the step rock, you ascended first, finding the scene even more perfect than you had imagined it in your mind. And completely devoid of your brothers. 

You took a breath, leaning down to offer Y/N your hand as she stepped up to the bluff. You kept your eyes trained on her, not wanting to miss a single second of seeing her reaction. 

The entire rock was covered in daisy heads and petals, lightly strewn out like a soft white carpet across the rock. A border of tea light candles lined the sides and edge, their tiny flames dancing in the barely-present breeze. Perfect. And to the right, a little bit behind the leaves of a maple branch, another few stones stacked up high, a green velvet box perched perfectly in the center. 

“Jake, wha—what’s this?” Her expression dropped as she looked closer at the flowers, walking toward them while you stood behind, taking in her figure amidst the shadowy candlelight. You grabbed the box, and placed it in your pocket. 

“Babe, what’s going on? Where is everybody?” She turned to find you stepping toward her, her words trailing off as everything started to make sense. You felt the white petals sticking to your feet as you met her in the middle, your heart rate finally starting to slow down a bit as you gained some relaxed confidence. 

Just you and her…

Her eyes glittered in the golden hour, and her sun kissed skin was begging for you to touch it. It was like the universe was pulling you toward her, into her warm realm of comfort and assuredness, just like it always had. All of the doubt in your head washed away as her starstruck eyes met yours, simultaneously full of uncertainty and love. So much love. 

You gently took her hands in yours, fingertips pruned and soft from the water. And with her touch, another surge of confidence. An hour ago, the anxious dread was all you felt. Now, you wanted to live in the moment forever. Why were you ever nervous? 

“Y/N…” your voice felt dragged but sturdy, like you were about to pull the words from a place so deep inside you that you couldn’t be bothered to make them sound good. “I have something I want to ask you…”

HER POV

Oh my god…

The butterflies in your stomach were fluttering so hard you almost lost your breath. Is he…?

You glanced down as he took your hands in his, the breeze blowing the daisy petals across your feet in the background. You nervously brought your gaze back up to his, his deep brown eyes looking back at you with such admiration you could have melted into a puddle right then and there. Jake…

You watched as he took a quick sharp breath before barely parting his lips to speak. 

“You know I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, right?” He asked, his tongue darting sideways in his mouth. You nodded. “And I know our life together has been more like navigating stormy seas than a perfect, peaceful paradise.” You nodded again, squeezing his hands into yours. 

“I want you to know that every single fight, every single bad day, every single horrible decision and argument and ice out that we have ever endured together…I wouldn’t change any of it. Because it landed us here. All of that is insignificant to me, because the good days, the happy times, the adventures, the laughing, the silliness…the trust we’ve built together, in our home, and in our relationship…it overtakes everything else. You and me…we’ve been through some rough shit…” 

You felt yourself laugh at the sentiment, both of you knowing damn well that that statement was true. 

“But I wouldn’t change it. Not a damn thing. Listen to me, Y/N…” he stepped forward closer as you struggled to keep the tears from falling. He laid his gentle, calloused hand on your cheek, pulling the damp hair away. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life. I want you with me forever. I wanna take care of you, grow old with you, make babies with you…travel the world, write music for you, get into trouble and explore with you. Wake up to you every morning and make love to you anytime that I can. Because you deserve to be loved, Y/N. And I swear to god, if you let me, I’ll love you till I can’t anymore…”

You felt your eyes clench closed as his body fell to one knee, his right hand reaching into his pocket. Your heart was racing…pounding in your chest…seeing him in this position was something that you’d dreamed about for years, his honey brown eyes meeting yours while he confidently balanced on one knee. He pulled out a tiny box, popping the lid open to reveal the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen in your entire life. A perfect oval diamond on a thin silver band, with two smaller dark green stones on either side of it. Your hand darted to your mouth, doing its best to conceal the huff of disbelief that escaped it. 

“Y/N, my Little Dipper, my sweetheart, my favorite person on this earth, the love of my life, would you do me the honor of marrying me?” 

You felt all the blood drain from your body as your knees hit the rock below you, the tears quickly falling now as you tried to catch your breath. 

Damp and chilly, hardly dressed and exhausted, hair a mess and windswept, you grabbed the love of your life’s head in your hands, pressing a thousand uncontrollable tear-soaked kisses to his face. 

“Babe, is that a—“

“Yes! It’s a yes! It’s a hell yes…absolutely, yes yes yes!” You continued peppering his face as you felt his arms wrap around you, his excited laugh escaping through him in bellows. It had never felt more perfectly wonderful to feel his protective arms around you, squeezing you in with everything he had. 

“Really? Like really really?” He asked, cupping your face as tears fell down his cheeks, too. 

“Yes, really, really!” You replied, meeting his lips in a tender and salty kiss as you both let your bodies feel the elation, pure excitement and happiness making you so dizzy you could hardly stand it. 

Finally, finally…

“Wait, here…here…” through sobs, he took your left hand and removed the ring from the box, sliding it ever-so-slowly onto your finger. 

“Perfect.” He whispered as he met your eyes again. 

And it was. 

“It’s beautiful, Jake, oh my god. The green, it looks—“

“Familiar color, yeah? It uh, do you remember that very first guitar pick I ever gave you?” 

“Yeah, the green one I kept for so long…taped into the card…” you stammered. 

“Well, I stole it back, ya know. Had it melted down, turned into stones and fixed there, and there. It was the very first thing I ever gave you…and now…”

“Jake, you’re kidding me…how did you–that’s the sweetest thing…” You stared at it in awe, watching as the flicker from the candles caught the sparkling diamond, and the swirling deep green of something that is so inherently Jake, you couldn’t have thought of anything better to connect the two of you yourself. 

A loud explosion in the distance caused the both of you to jump as you realized the fireworks had begun. Thousands of bright colorful explosions lighting up the sky…some close by, some far off. The most perfect celebration. 

Both of you met eyes again, shy and cautious as you realized that you were no longer just dating. No longer waiting for the right moment, no longer doing the back and forth. This was the real thing, now or never. And it felt so overwhelmingly perfect. 

Just then you heard a rustle in the trees behind you before Josh, Danny, and Sam emerged onto the rock in a rush of tackles and excitement. 

“Stop, jackass you’re gonna push me off the rock!” Jake complained as Josh met him with a giant hug. 

Josh then wrapped both arms down around you while you sat, interlocking his hands at your waist. “Well, am I gonna have a sister in law?” He asked. 

You flipped your hand up to show off the ring as Jake hummed a sweet mmhmm.

“Hell yes! Danny yelped. “Congrats guys! Oh my god we’ve gotta plan a wedding now…”

“Calm down, buddy. One thing at a time, don’t want to overwhelm the lady.” Sam added, wrapping both arms around you from behind just as Josh had, adding a sweet kiss to the top of your head. 

“Damn…” Jake sighed a laugh, sitting back on the rock. “I have been so nervous all day…” 

You grinned his way as Josh and Danny sat on the rock on either side of him. “I can’t believe you guys did all this…” you motioned to the flowers and the candles. “When did you—oh, wait. That’s why all the flower heads were gone on the trail…when did you…?”

“They didn’t go looking for beer this morning, babe.” Sam explained, sitting next to you and pulling his knees to his chest. 

“Ohhh, sneaky bastards.” You laughed, meeting eyes with Jake once again, his face contorted into the sweetest smile you’d seen all day. “All your plan, huh?” You asked him.

“Told you I’ve known for a long, long time. Better than asking you while you were in a coma, huh?” 

You crept to all fours and crawled directly to Jake, kissing him right on the mouth. “Much better.”

“So what are we gonna do, jump and swim back over? Or walk…” Josh finally spoke. 

“I think the fiancés should jump…what do you think, Sam?” Danny said curtly. 

Fiancés…

“I agree, Daniel I think that would be one hell of a thing to do as brand new fiancés, eh there brother Jake? Y/N? Take the plunge so to speak? First little challenge? Just a little uh, hop, skip and a jump?” You could tell Sam had not been nursing his seltzers. Nevertheless, he was right. It would make for one hell of a story one day. 

“You’re gonna jump in a 50-foot deep lake with a diamond ring on?” Jake asked, standing up and wiping the petals from his behind. “Sounds risky, baby.”

“Risky is good, Jake…” you grabbed his free hand and dashed to the edge, pulling him along with you as you clenched the tightest fist you had ever held with your left. The two of you sprung into the welcoming water again, spinning around in the darkness when you both emerged. 

You were met with cheers and yells from the top of the rock, hundreds of fireworks going off in the distance as your new brothers gathered up all of the petals that they could hold, and tossed them down onto the water around you. 

Jake swam closer, the faint light of dusk still illuminating his face. He laid a sweet kiss to your cheek, making you feel a whole new type of emotion, one that felt so positively grounding that you almost felt like you could walk on water. 

“Can’t believe you wanna marry me…” he breathed out, pulling your hand as he took off swimming across the lake, with his forever love in tow. 

——

“Where the hell are my mortars?!” Sam yelled, running full-force toward the vehicles where the fireworks were stowed. 

“Can we fucking eat first? I’m starving after all that excitement.” Danny added, his wide strides heading straight for the fire pit. You took a seat in a camp chair, still feeling overwhelmingly overcome with so much happiness you could burst. You watched as he and Jake prepared the fire, stacking little sticks and pine needles in between the logs. 

“Alright Jake, light her up!” Danny said, stepping back as Jake bunched a few dry sticks together and ignited his lighter, passing the flames directly to the dried bed of needles. 

Your eyes became fixed on his hands, watching as he delicately guided the flames to go exactly where he needed them, blowing on the embers, sending shooting sparks all over the place. They were still dotted with the multitudes of tiny scars from the bar that night, the 27 glass shards leaving tiny specks of red skin that were almost invisible to the naked eye at this point. 

It was wild, the amount of scars that you and Jake both had acquired over the years…his hand, your leg, your stomach, the bullet hole in your shoulder…simply because of the monster that almost took your life. The monster that took your best friend. 

It was like Jake’s actions were in slow motion, so simple yet so calculated and intentional. Finally with one last giant huff of his air, the sparks ignited and the fire caught, sending a vibrant rush of warm light over his satisfied face. 

“You have daisy petals in your hair, love.” He said without looking at you, his voice mellow and rasped. 

You laughed, pulling your wet hair to the side to inspect it. “Seems to be a common occurrence when you’re around…”

His eyes flickered to you as he stoked the growing fire, his head shaking side to side in disbelief. 

I can’t believe it either, babe. 

“Here’s the wiiiieeenerrsss!” Sam said, shoving the hot dog packages in your face. Jesus, Sam. You laughed and pushed him away, taking the package and opening it. 

The five of you spent the next bit cooking over the fire and eating almost all of the food you packed. Danny and Sam brought out their acoustics, and strummed away as the fire danced. It felt like you were kids again, and right then you promised yourself that no matter how serious everything got, no matter how everyone grew apart, got older and moved on, you’d do your best to get everyone together as often as possible. Just like this. Because this is what it was all about. 

The alcohol was still going down quickly for everyone, the night still fairly young. You’d all made your way to the picnic table, and Sam and Jake had started in on the fireworks on down the beach. Their loud laughs carried across the lake and echoed off the rock facings, the sound of them mixed together making your head spin. You watched as they howled and screamed like teenagers, pushing each other into the water and into the line of fire of the mortars and Roman candles. 

Those two right there…the complete reason for all your happiness. It made you eternally grateful that they could push past their differences after all the shit that had happened in the past few years, you being the epitome of the center of it. The fighting, the arguments, the jealousy, the cheating… Though their relationship was put to the test more times than you could count, drug through the mud and sometimes ended completely, they somehow found their common ground again, their love for each other stronger now than maybe it ever had been. How they pulled it off, you’d never know. Had to be a brother thing, you guessed. 

“Congratulations, hot stuff. I’m so excited you’re coming into the family for real.” Danny said as he gave you a side hug and handed you another white claw. 

“Aw, thank you, Danny. Thank you for helping make everything so perfect. I know Jake probably was so anxious for everything to go smoothly, he has you guys to thank for that.”

“He was…and he was anxious, but. He’s known he’s wanted to do exactly this for a long, long time, Y/N. He’s had this vision since right after you got out of the hospital, I think. Maybe before, I dunno.” He answered, swigging his beer. 

“Ya know, I wish someone would have hit me across the head with a frying pan for being so stupid after all that, thinking he proposed to me while I was in a coma…I realize now how dumb I must have looked making such a big deal out of it, taking away from the sweetness of the way he actually wanted to do it.” You admitted. 

Danny took a deep breath. “Don’t feel so bad, Y/N. We were all fucked up during that time. It was rough on everybody. Nobody had their heads on straight, ya know? Grief can make you do some dumb shit. Jake was an asshole, too. Plus you’d just suffered a very traumatic injury…give yourself some credit, there.” He took another long drink, pushing his side into your shoulder. “Aren’t you glad he stood his ground, though? Did things the way he always wanted to?”

“I absolutely am, Danny. You’re right.” You rested your chin in your hands as you watched the guys goof around, the twinkling stars behind them mixing in with the distant fireworks. Your buzz had caught up with you, but it was a good feeling. Almost like enlightenment. “Can I tell you something, Danny?”

“Of course…” he came and joined you on the picnic table. 

“I, um. I realized something else, the other day. It’s crazy, how my memory was so fucked up there for a while, what I did remember, and what I forgot…it was all blurring together, but. I think I genuinely remember something else. And I haven’t told anyone, yet.”

“Okay…”

“Not too long ago, Sam and I were watching old videos of all of us from the past year. It was right when I started feeling 100% again, and we were making sure my memory was still functioning at full capacity. He showed me a video of Elle, while we were in New Orleans. Just her walking along, talking and rambling like she always did…her accent, it struck something in me. It was like, the cadence of how she said her sentences…Danny, Elle was with me in my coma. She was there, I just didn’t know who she was.”

“Wha—what? Are you kidding?” Danny asked, setting his beer to the side. 

“I’m positive. Hearing her voice again made me remember. She visited me, all the time. Comforted me, told me when you guys were coming to visit me. She couldn’t hear you, of course, but.” You rubbed your hands over your face. “God, this sounds insane.”

“No it doesn’t, Y/N…it doesn’t.” Danny replied. 

You huffed. “I’ve never been more positive about a memory during that time. But it was her. I know it was. She…I think she saved me, Danny.”

“Holy shit…” Danny shook his head in disbelief. “Ya know, I’ve heard about people being visited by the dead while they were in comas. It had to of been her…”

“It was.” You admitted. “I just didn’t know she had died yet.”

The two of you sat reeling over your memory, unable to find the words to explain. 

“Where’s Josh?” You asked, suddenly feeling the incomplete group. 

You both glanced back to the fire, seeing Josh walking around kicking sticks on the beach, talking away on his phone. 

“I think he’s giving someone directions…” Danny said, sending you a wink and a clink of your cans before joining Jake and Sam. “Cheers.”

You downed the rest of your drink, and had let the alcohol take hold of you, the heat of the day really setting into your bones. You hopped off the table and ran down the beach to Josh, wrapping your arms around his waist and nearly knocking him down. 

“Oh god!” He yelled. 

“Hey Joshy, who’s on the phone, hm?” You were trying your best to be annoying, wrapping your hands around him and trying to take the phone. 

“Damnit, Y/N…chill out! I’m trying to—“ you were fighting him and pulling his arms. 

Finally, in your hyper drunken state, you managed to see the screen of his phone, and the contact of the person he was talking to. 

“Logan!” You squealed, ripping the phone from his hand. “Lo!! What are you doing?! Are you coming here?? Guess what? I’m engaged! What the fuck?!”

Your words were spilling out into the phone as you watched Josh finally settle back against the car, crossing his arms as he looked at you admirably. 

“Oh my god, I heard! Congrats! I’m so happy for you, hun.” Logan’s voice rang out from the other end. “But guess what?”

“What?!” You answered excitedly. 

“I get to hug you and congratulate you in person in about, mmm, five minutes?” 

“Ahhh! You are coming! Yay! I’ll see you in a few. Here’s your Joshy.” You pushed the phone back into Josh’s hand as he laughed at you through his nose, pulling the phone back up to his ear. 

“Yep, hey. I’ll see you in a few. Bye bye.” Josh hung up the phone while you stood with a giant cheesing smile. 

“Thanks for inviting him, Josh.” 

He smiled back. “The pleasure is all mine, sis.” 

—-

When Logan’s headlights finally shone through the trees a few minutes later, you watched Josh’s body language tense up. He’s hardly ever anxious. 

“How long’s it been since you’ve seen him?” You asked as Logan parked his car in the distance. 

“Ah, a really long time, Y/N. Too long. But, he called this morning, said he was making the trip up here for the occasion…” 

You scoffed. “He didn’t come all the way up here just to celebrate the Fourth of July at midnight with us, Josh…”

“No, idiot. Your engagement.” Josh laughed. 

“OH! That. Yeah. Well, if I had to guess, he used our engagement as an excuse to come up here…” you nudged his shoulder with your elbow. “I’m sure he had more of a driving force than celebrating with little ol’ me, don’t you think?”

Josh rubbed his hand across his chin nervously, with his other hand in his pocket. He’d put on a short-sleeve button up, completely disregarding the buttons. In the residual firelight, you watched his face as Logan traipsed through the woods toward you. Josh’s eyes lit up, his movements were fidgeted but smooth, and the grin he fought from creeping to his face was one that gave you butterflies. 

“What are you looking at, Y/N?” He muttered quietly, feeling your eyes on him. 

You shook your head. “Nothing, nothing. You’re just…really handsome, that’s all. You seem…”

“You’re just now noticing that?” He said sarcastically. “You kiss the face of my identical clone every single day, dummy.” He winked. 

“I know.” You laughed under your breath. “But really, you seem…”

His eyebrows raised to you as Logan closed in on the edge of the beach. 

“Happy?”

“Yeah, Joshy. Happy.”

——

“My bestieeee!” Logan cawed out as you ran toward him, holding a six-pack and a speaker high up in the air as you approached him in the darkness. “How’s it going, love? I almost brought the stuff for Monkberry Moons, but we don’t have a blender, blaaah.” He laughed into your hair. “Hold on hold on…let’s walk toward the fire so I can see.”

Logan had always brought about such a comforting feeling. He was always the friend you could go months without speaking to, just to pick right back up like there was no gap in time at all. His demeanor was genuine and rough-hewn, always looking like he had just gotten off a long day’s work at a very blue-collar job. He was gritty and smart and hilarious, but extremely well-kept. Always greeting you with the exact same sexy half-cocked smile, no matter the circumstance. A bear hug, a kiss to the cheek, and the ever-present kindness to greet each and every person in the room. They really didn’t make them like him anymore. 

Everyone else had gathered around at this point to say hello to your new guest. When you approached the firelight, you held your finger out, letting him inspect the glistening ring. “Hell’s fire, Jake. You did a good job, man. Congratulations, guys.”

“Thank you, Lo. He really did.” You smiled. Logan walked to Jake, Danny, and Sam, handshakes and high-fives all around at finally seeing their old trusty Head-of-Tech again. 

He saved the best for last, though…the rest of you wandering back off to the picnic table to give him and Josh the space for a private hello. 

——

Logan had brought a pretty sweet small speaker set up, blasting the loud music of his current favorite band across the beach. 

“Oh shit, is this Illiterate Light?” Danny exclaimed, hearing a familiar song. “They kick ass.”

“Yeah, it is!” Logan answered, bobbing his head along as you all began to slow down for the night, choosing to congregate on the old benches of the picnic table. 

Suddenly Jake was squishing his way in between you and Danny, dropping the heavy cooler on the ground behind you, and a deck of cards on the table. “We playing Kings or what?” His hand immediately found your thigh, running along the inside of it and squeezing the thickness of the muscle. 

“Yeah, I’ll set it up.” Danny agreed, shuffling the cards and arranging them around the can of unopened beer. You felt Jake’s hand sitting steadily on the highest point of your thigh that he could reach without grabbing your stomach, and just his touch was enough to send you into ferality. 

Was it the alcohol? Yes. The excitement of the night, the atmosphere, the summer heat, the pure joy you felt down deep in your heart? Yeah, all of those things. But it was getting harder and harder as the game went on to not swipe your hand across the table, scattering the cards and the drinks until they spilled, hoisting yourself to lie across the tabletop and drag Jake by the collar to ravage you right then and there. 

You rolled your eyes at yourself, wondering where in the hell your frenzied mindset had come from. But there was his hand again, his damned skilled fingertips, ghosting their way secretly over your heat. Your burning, raging heat. It was absolutely vibrating, begging to be touched. 

Fuck!  He must be feeling the same way, too, but he just did a better job at hiding it. He kept up with the game as if it was nothing while you writhed in your seat, his fingers barely moving between your legs. Every few seconds he would press directly over your sweet spot, the cover of your bikini bottoms making the indirect touch even more intense. On the outside, you were flipping cards and following rules. On the inside, your carnal instincts were in overdrive for your mate. 

You finally decided to let your hand fall, too, to copy his actions. Again, even while your hand massaged and teased him, his normal actions never let up. God, what’s it gonna take to get him to sneak you into the woods?

“I’ll be right back. Gotta pee.” You said, standing from the bench without anyone else even noticing as they indulged in the loud harshness of their game. 

“Me too, actually.” Jake followed suit. 

Yes, baby! I knew you’d catch my drift. 

You scurried into the coverage of the trees, feeling the footsteps of Jake closing in from behind you. You walked until the darkness was so heavy that you truly couldn’t see enough to take another step, but it didn’t matter…Jake was grabbing your shoulders and turning you to face him, backing you tightly against a tree. 

“Hey there, bride-to-be…” he growled in your ear, hand wasting no time in slipping up under your oversized t-shirt and cupping your breast in his hand. 

“Fuck, don’t say that, Jake.” You breathed, absolutely starving yourself for him. 

“Why?” He was surprised. 

“Because…” you were positively panting with want…his fingers moving to play with your nipple. “Makes me want you more…fuck…”

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him harshly in to you, unable to wait another second without him touching you. 

“Ah, well in that case…bride-to-be…Mrs…my future wife…” the sound of his voice almost made you come undone. His hand traveled low and his finger dipped into the hem of your bottoms, gliding it along as whines of anticipation fell from your mouth. 

You reached down and grabbed his dick in your hand, softly but harshly stroking it through his shorts. “Shit, Y/N…you’re really reeling me in tonight and you haven’t even done anything…” just then you yanked his shorts away from his waist, dipping your hand in to connect your fingertips to just the tip, rotating it around with the ends of your fingers. “Ahh, fuck…keep doing that, good god…” you pulled him in again, attaching your lips so furiously to his that you swore you could swallow him whole. 

“Think they’ll hear us?” You asked, pulling his trunks down a bit. 

“No, I secretly turned the volume up with Logan’s phone before we stood up.” He said, teeth biting down into your neck. 

You giggled at the fact that of course, he had the same thing on his mind that you did. 

“What’s so funny, ma’am?”

“Nothing. Just that you wanted to sneak me into the woods just as badly as I wanted you to.” You answered, letting his tongue lick a long stripe down the side of your neck. 

“Fuck yeah, I did. I told you, I wanna make love to you anytime that I can. Been killing me all night, Y/N. Wanna make this engagement real…”

He took himself in his hand, pushing you harder against the bark of the tree and lifting one of your legs to hook in his elbow. He pulled your bottoms to the side, and slid himself inside you, wasting no time in filling you all the way up. 

“Shittttttt fuck Jake…you crowed into his shoulder. “It’s real, it’s so fucking real…” and you really felt it. He plunged deep into you, thrusting slowly as you already felt the fire deep inside you. 

“Shhh…baby. Gotta be quiet for me, though…” he placed his hand softly over your mouth, masking the loud cries you didn’t even know you were making. “Damn you’re so fucking wet, Y/N…so beautiful…” 

You nodded showing that you understood, your fingernails digging harshly into his back as you held onto him. You swore you felt tears forming in your eyes, knowing that he was going to be yours forever, you could have this whenever you wanted, for the rest of your life. He bit his lower lip between his teeth as he looked down and watched himself slide in and out of you, pounding hard against the leverage of the tree. 

“You want all of me baby? Tell me you want it…” he panted, a harsh whisper against your neck. 

“Yes, please baby…I want it all, I’m so close…”

With another sweet and slow thrust, you were coming apart together, both of your legs turning to jelly beneath you. You swore you saw lightning with the intensity of it, all the breath escaping from your lungs as your fire finally exploded. White-hot and passionate, you let him pour into you, his mouth connecting to yours with a slow and wet kiss. 

“I will never ever get tired of that…of you…I swear to god, Y/N.” He breathed, allowing himself a second to regain composure. 

You felt the same. There was no way in hell anything could ever pull you away from him. 

“Don’t ever leave me, Jake…” 

“Not in a million years, sweetheart. I promise.”

——

LATE JULY 2023

NASHVILLE, TN

SAM POV

“So, we do realize that we’re literally gonna release the album at midnight, they’re all gonna stay up late listening to it, then half of them are waking up early and driving and flying here the literal next morning?” You said, tossing yourself onto Jake’s couch. 

“Yep. That’s pretty much what they’re gonna be doing. Then flooding the AirBnB’s of East Nashville.” Josh added. 

“Well I’m gonna be in hiding.” Jake mumbled as he stirred some type of mixed drink with his finger. 

“Jake, it’s not even 10am…” Josh argued, watching as Jake sipped his libation way too early for your liking. 

“Relax, it’s ginger tea, asshole.” You watched as Josh’s brow furrowed in confusion. “With a splash of rum.” 

“Ah, there it is.”

Danny was tossing a golf ball into the air above him, repeatedly catching it right before it landed between his eyes. “Should we retreat to somewhere secluded?”

“Hell no, too late now. It releases in two days. We go about our daily lives and drive our happy asses to and from wherever we wanna go.” Josh laughed. 

The anxiety of the impending album release had you all on edge; not really having much to do until it was time to go to sound check that day. Y/N had arranged for you to meet up with social media at Grimey’s to take a little vinyl promo tiktok, standing in front of the gorgeous Starcatcher mural that had been painted on the side of the building. You knew that fans would be stopping by it repeatedly within the next few days, so sneaking in now was probably the best time. 

“Alright, I gotta go show off the vinyl. But I’m taking the bike, dammit. I don’t feel like hiding yet.” You groaned, pulling yourself up from the couch. 

“Sam, you know you can say it’s your bike…Elle shared it with you…” Jake said. 

“Yeah I know I know. See you guys in a bit.” You shut the heavy door behind you, and hopped back onto the…your bike, pulling your hair into a low bun and tightening the helmet over your head. You hopped on, flipped the kickstand, and took off toward Grimey’s. 

This bike was one of the best things that Elle could have ever left in your possession. It was freeing, coasting down the bumpy streets of your city, meandering through traffic and parking wherever the hell you wanted. What they say about people who ride Harleys as a lifestyle is true; there was nothing like it. 

You also found you’d done a lot of good thinking while riding this thing; almost like Elle was right there behind you as you rode it, whispering her advice right into your ear as the breeze whipped your hair. It was here, three days ago, that a thought popped into your head that you hadn’t even considered yet. 

You had to buy Elle’s house in Georgia. 

“Fuck…” you’d whispered to yourself as your mind was drifting away. You couldn’t let the house just sit there, it was paid for…but you knew soon enough the tax man would come looking, finding nothing more than overgrown brush and an empty driveway. 

Right when things were about to go into overdrive with your schedule, you’d added another thing to your plate. You tossed it to the back of your mind for now, making a mental note to delve into it soon. 

“Hey Joey, how’s it going?” You asked the social media manager as you hang your helmet on your bike handle. “Already got the record?”

You shook your hair free from the bun, rolling back the sleeves of your sweater and fixing yourself to be presentable for the camera. For some reason, you wanted to get this over with, and retreat back to your brothers and the fat joint you’d rolled as soon as you humanly could. 

——

The next day, you gathered at Jake’s and Y/N’s house again, as they had insisted. “When are mom and dad getting here?” The air in Jake’s kitchen was heavy with the smell of the pasta sauce he’d been cooking for almost a whole day now, a meal for four brothers that you didn’t have to search for, was the joke he told to get Josh back at the house. Jake had really been pushing to keep everyone together for these last few days; you figured it was just his sentimental side coming through. 

“Tomorrow morning. They’re staying with me.” Josh answered. “Then we’re all gathering at your house tomorrow night for the party, right?”

“Yes, that’s the plan so far.” You’d volunteered your own home to host the engagement/pre-tour/farewell party before the first show, and to be honest, you weren’t sure it was even in shape to host one guest, let alone twenty. But you knew tomorrow morning you would put on a happy face, and tuck all of Elle’s things into a room to be organized later. 

Just then the front door opened, an exasperated Y/N carrying in multiple bags of groceries bounding through the door. “There she is, hello my love!” Jake said, rushing to meet her at the door.  

“Danny’s behind me, he has a few more things.” She said as she deposited the bags on the counter. You watched as she set the heavy bags down and grabbed her arm, rolling her shoulder and wincing still yet from the residual pain of her gunshot wound. 

“Hi Sammy! How is the sauce coming along?” 

“Good I guess, smells fantastic.” You added, moving to stir the pot. Jake had sent her out on a grocery mission for the next few days, knowing you wouldn’t have much time to go. You’d all decided to cook as much as possible, knowing you’d be living off fast food and hotel breakfasts for the next few months. 

“Didn’t run into any fans did ya?” Danny asked her as he placed the two bags full of wine bottles carefully on top of the fridge. 

“No, I made a point to go to the store all the way across town, just in case. It’s still so weird that people recognize me.” You watched as she pulled her engagement ring from her purse, slipping it back on her finger like it was just another daily task. It hurt you to know she had to hide it. 

“Want me to come over early tomorrow before everyone gets in? Anything I can do to get the house ready?” She asked. 

Shit. She didn’t need to be there for your dreaded early morning task. 

“Um, I think I got it, thanks though. I’ll text you guys, I’d say the afternoon will work.” You lied. 

“Alright!” She clapped her hands together. “I’m starting the noodles.”

——

And a dreaded early morning task, it was. Finally cleansing your home of everything that was Elle. No, cleansing was not the word. Purging? Moving? 

There wasn’t a word for it. It didn’t exist. You shouldn’t be having to do this at all. You’d had to mentally prepare yourself for this, and halfway wished you would have started sooner. You were the King of Procrastination, of course. 

You pulled yourself from the unwashed bed sheets, kissing your hand and laying it to Elle’s pillow before you rose, just like you did every morning. You stripped the bed, removing the pillowcases and fitted sheet to be thrown in the wash. You threw on the loudest uplifting album you could think of, and made the strongest pot of coffee you could, impatiently waiting for it to brew enough to fill a cup. Gonna need a lot of this today. 

Alright. Where to begin? 

You let yourself go with the motions while you raced with the clock, the smell of cleaning products heavy in the air. You tried not to get too caught up in the sentiments of taking her things away from the exact places she had left them. It’s been months, Sam…

Your mindset was fairly positive, to be honest, and you found a little bit of solace in the fact that she truly didn’t have too many possessions at all. Her simplicity and lack of need for many material things always struck you. 

After the entirety of Yes’ Tormato album, you heard the record player click off in the living room, so you went to see what you could put on next. What would Elle want to hear? Ah, Stevie Ray Vaughan’s Texas Flood album. Perfect. Not the first thing you’d choose, but the immediate flashback you got from the first notes of Lovestruck Baby made your heart swell so intensely, it about knocked you over. 

“He could play guitar better than you ever even think you could babe…” she would tease with a wink as she danced around the house, folding laundry and cutting veggies for dinner. “Dance with me to Pride and Joy! Come on Sam…” 

“Yeah I love my baby, heart and soul

A love like ours won’t even grow old…”

Your hands squeezed in hers as she stepped and spun you around, singing way too loudly with sweet bluesy sounds, her long waves gliding across your face as she twirled and sang…so pretty…

You piled her things in your guest bedroom, letting the old cardboard boxes overflow with her books, her albums and CD’s, her personal items, and her jewelry box. Next you grabbed all of the hangers that still held the clothes she hadn’t packed, and rehung them in the guest closet. Her scent somehow still lingered on them. You took a second to breathe her in, committing it to memory, only to let it fall away again.

After a whole pot of medium roast and four albums, your phone dinged in your pocket as if it was planned. 

Y/N

2:17pm: How’s it going? Should we head over soon? Your parents made it in

You

2:18pm: Yep. Gonna shower. See you soon

You stood in the silence of your home, the mid-day sun shining in through the freshly Windexed windows. It felt good. Clean. Empty and strange… but good. This had to happen, right? You weren’t ready to move on. You weren’t ready to forget about her. But this was the first step in healing. She would always be there. 

——

The afternoon was full of warm welcomes from your family and other close friends, Jake and your dad immediately jumping on the grill for the cookout necessities. You’d managed to keep it together; having people inhabit your house felt so foreign as of late, but a few sweet glances from Y/N reminded you that they were all here, they all loved you, and it was a time to celebrate. 

You were flipping burgers with your dad outside, sharing a few beers and catching up when he hit you with a question. 

“So, I heard grandma’s ring is gone…” he asked. 

Shit. 

“Ah, unfortunately it is lost. I’m sorry, dad. I shouldn’t have given it to her knowing she didn’t have her memory. That’s on me. We searched everywhere—“

“Sammy, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. She hid it, right? So it’s gotta be in their house somewhere. It isn’t gone forever. Just misplaced for the time being. Right?”

“Right.” You agreed. 

“Plus, I think it served its intended purpose. It got Jake through what he needed to get through. Made him realize what he wanted to do. And maybe one day when it’s found again, it will do the same for the next person.” He went on. 

“Yeah. We can only hope so…” you agreed, your eyes fixed on the baby tree that had begun to take root in the corner of your yard. You sighed, swigging the last of your beer and motioning that you were going to grab another. 

You pushed through the small crowd of people that had gathered in your living room, making your way to the kitchen for another drink. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the guest bedroom door cracked open, instead of all the way shut like you’d left it. Oh no.

You slowly pushed it open to find Y/N standing inside, the squeak of the door startling her. 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Sammy…I was just— I…don’t really know. Why I’m in here…actually.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry.” You watched as she stood awkwardly in the room amidst the piled boxes of Elle’s things. You could tell that maybe…she’d just wanted a minute. 

“You know, I was going to ask you…would you take some of her clothes? You guys shared your closets a lot anyways, thought maybe you’d want a few things.” You offered as you walked to open the closet door. 

“No, Sam. I couldn’t do that. Those were hers-“

“Would you please?” If not, I have to donate them, I can’t keep it all. And, I’d rather some of it go to someone who loved her rather than a stranger.” You explained truthfully. 

Her face fell. “Wouldn’t it be weird you seeing me wear her stuff?”

You considered, for a second, finally landing on a decision. “No, I don’t think it would. It would remind me of her. Make me happy we’re keeping her memory alive, even from something simple like that.” You pulled a few things out, laying them across the bed as you both sat. “Look, her old Greta t-shirts from way back when, her favorite sweaters, her Georgia Bulldogs hoodie…I can’t get rid of this stuff. Look, this jacket has a hole in it from our first date, I accidentally burned it with my cigarette because I was so nervous. She didn’t even get mad...”

Her giggle lit up the otherwise quiet and dense room. “Okay, Sammy. I’ll take whatever you want me to. And I’ll take great care of everything.” 

You held your pinky out to her. “Promise?”

Her expression went from indifferent to heartbroken. Her pinky found yours, interlocking it for the hundredth time since you both made the promise of a lifetime together all those months ago. “I promise, Sammy.” 

You both brought your interlocked hands up to your mouths, kissing your own thumbs in yet another word of honor. Her eyes were fixed with yours, reading the message that she was so familiar with, yet was entangled in the very wires of your souls so deeply it was still unexplainable. 

Her voice broke, eyes welling with tears. “Sam, are you gonna hate me when I marry Jake?” She whispered. 

Sadness, again. Another shot to the heart. Can’t find the words. 

“God, babe. What? Are you serious? Hate you…?” Your head shook side to side uncontrollably. 

“Yeah. Hate me. Because…well because…you know why, Sam, fuck.” She wiped away the tears, obviously embarrassed. “How many times are we going to have this conversation? You’re going to have to watch us, watch me…commit my life to him, when you just…” she motioned to all of the clothes lying out on the bed. “What do you get out of all this? Where’s your happy ending?”

You shook your head again. “No, no stop, Y/N. You can’t think like that. Listen to me. I didn’t ask for any of this, you didn’t ask for Andy to stalk you, make your life a living hell for years, find you and try to fucking kill you, Y/N. Nobody asked for any of this. But you know what did happen? Elle sacrificed herself, our lives together to save yours. And I don’t want you to think for a damn second that you should feel guilty you survived, Y/N. She would have jumped in front of that bullet to save me. To save Jake, Danny, Josh…any of us. You get that, right? It was in her fabric to be protective. Is it fucked up? My god, yes. But she did it. She made a last second decision to do it. And it worked. Elle was the best person in the fucking world, Y/N. And I’m going to spend every day for the rest of my life loving her and honoring her. Even when I’m old and gray. So please, please don’t think that you marrying my brother is going to make me hate you. I couldn’t hate you even if I tried.” You choked out. 

“You couldn’t?” She breathed. 

“No. Because I love you. I’ve always loved you. And love can’t be destroyed.” 

The both of you were sobbing now. She wrapped her arms around your neck, bringing you in close as you let your arms fall at her back. 

“For our entire lives, I’ve never loved you the same way twice, Y/N. I’ve experienced every single type of love there is with you. All of them. Since we were babies. How many people get to say that? We’ve literally been through them all together. And we’re still as close as ever, even after all these years. The thought of you thinking I could hate you…” you trailed off, dismissing the thought. 

“No, you’re wrong, though. We never got to experience…you know. Devotion to each other, I guess. I know you always wanted it to be you, Sam.” She mumbled out into your shoulder. 

You took a deep breath. “I did. Of course I did. And I think at one point, you thought so too, hmm?” 

She pulled away, wiping her eyes again. She slowly nodded. 

“Just because we said we were just messing around during that time, I was devoted to you. I never got to express it, but. You had me. Hook, line and sinker.” You were being truthful. 

She nodded in agreement. “I was yours, too.”

“We can have this exact same conversation a thousand more times, Y/N. And it will always be the same. There’s nothing we can do to change the past. We’ve both got to accept it gracefully. And you know what the best part is?” You asked. 

“What?”

You smiled down to her, wrapping your arm around her shoulder to pull her in. “That we still to experience a hundred more kinds of love together. We’ve still got a lot of life to live.” 

She giggled again. “Yeah, we do, don’t we?”

“Mhmm. We do.” You sighed a cleansing breath. “You’ll always be my best girl. But things are gonna keep changing, Y/N. I’ll get my happy ending one day, don’t you worry.” You elbowed her in the arm. “And until then, we enjoy life the way Elle would have wanted us to. Right?”

“Absolutely. Every day.” She answered. You laid a sweet kiss to the side of her head. 

“Um. There’s one more thing...I never got to tell you…” she went on, piquing your interest yet again. 

She took your hands. “This might sound absolutely insane, but I am one hundred and fifty thousand percent positive that Elle was with me in my coma.” 

What…the fuck?

“Wha—are you serious?”

“I’m serious, Sam. She talked to me all the time. I remember it clear as day. We had conversations, she comforted me, one time she…she even told me you were coming. To visit me. It was that…first night you talked to me, told me everything. She couldn’t hear you, but. She knew you were there. It was the wildest thing, Sam.”

You felt overwhelmed with elation…strange, scary, utterly freaked out elation. 

“So she…”

“Yeah. She urged me to wake up. Told me every single day that I had to come back here to you guys. I didn’t remember it at first, because things were so fuzzy. But when you played me that video the other day, I remembered her voice. It was so strange…she kept me company the whole time I was gone.” 

“Wow…”  you were speechless. 

“I can’t explain that to anybody else. No one else will believe me but you guys. It was the single most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced, Sam. So yes. I promise you…every single day we’ll remember her. Keep being happy like she’d want. I owe my life to her.” 

And in a way, she really did. 

The both of you took a few seconds to collect yourselves, wiping each other’s tear soaked faces as you giggled away the nerves. 

“Please don’t cry, Sammy. I didn’t mean to freak you out with that…” she said through her own sobs. 

“No, no. Happy tears, babe. Always. Thank you, for sharing that with me. It…helps. A lot.” You relented. 

“Yeah, Sammy.” Her voice was soft before she tapped a strong hand to your leg. 

“Can I tell you a secret, too?” You asked, suddenly feeling nervous anticipation in your belly. 

“Always…” she propped a leg up on the bed. 

“I uh. I got a phone call the other day…you know the band Day Twist?” You asked. 

“Yeah, they’re getting pretty big, right? Danny and I were listening to them the other day…”

“Yeah, they’re getting really big, actually. Well, their drummer worked with one of our sound techs on Garden’s Gate a long time ago, and their wires crossed and he got my number. They want me to produce their next album.” 

Wow. That felt weird saying out loud. 

“What?! Oh my god, Sammy! You’re kidding! That’s…that’s amazing! You told them yes, right?! You said you would?” She was ecstatic. 

“Tentatively, yes…I told them I would. We don’t have to have a definitive answer for a little while, but. I’m at the top of their list. I haven’t told the other guys yet. I’m too nervous, with everything going on…” you admitted. “But they won’t need me until we go on our break before Europe in November.”

Her eyes were full of admiration. “Your brothers will be over the moon for you, Sammy. Wow. How fucking cool are you? Day Twist?!?”

“Ha ha, calm down, little one. One day at a time.” You stood from the bed. “Let’s get back out there. Those veggie burgers are calling my name.”

——

HER POV

“You absolutely cannot…” you said, blocking the bar cart with your body. Josh and Sam standing in front of you, completely decked out in white satin. Sam tosses you a hearty chuckle, placing his hands on his hips. 

“She’s right Joshua…Samuel…” you hear Karen’s voice from across the room. “One rogue splash of soda and you’re ruined before you even step on stage.”

Josh lets out an exasperated sigh, throwing his hands in the air as he turns away. Sam bats his eyelashes at you sweetly, “Just one little teensy tiny seltzer and I will be soooo careful…” he begs. 

You huff out a sigh, “You promise you won’t spill a single drop?” you ask, reaching for a cold can. 

“Cross my heart.” he says, kissing his fingers and motioning the gesture with a smile. You hand him the cold can and he scampers off towards the Jam room to start warming up. Jake is already there, and has been for well over an hour. You could feel the nerves pouring off of him since he woke up this morning, stumbling around the house fidgeting with anything and everything out of place, doing anything to keep his mind busy as he relentlessly ran over the setlist in his head. 

Jake wasn’t the only one that was nervous, however, Josh was an anxious mess, doing his best to get into his performance headspace with all the chaos and commotion of having all of his friends and family here tonight. He was practically vibrating as he flitted around the room, the thin white chiffon of his jacket flowing from his shoulders as he rushed from room to room. The fluorescent lighting caught each and every sparkle as he bobbed and weaved through the hallways, eventually finding exactly who he was looking for, perched on a chair, warming up. 

You followed behind him, making sure that everyone was dressed and ready, finding all of them crowded into the Jam room, feeding off of each others’ energy. Josh sat on the arm of Jake’s chair, the contrast of his white satin next to Jake’s silver, a beautiful sight. Jake looked up at Josh, clearly crowding his space and sending him a questioning look. It’s quiet between them for a few minutes, and Jake finally looks up at him again. “I promise it’s going to be great Josh. You’re worrying for nothing.”

“How do you know that? Do you not feel nervous at all?” Josh asks, as you press yourself against the wall. 

“Of course I’m fuckin’ nervous, just not about that.” he answers, continuing to run his fingers over the strings. 

“What if they– do you think they will still love us?” Josh asks, his voice thick with worry. 

Jake set his guitar down on the stand next to him, turning to Josh, “They already loved you Josh. They will love you even more now. I promise. Watch.”

He nods his head, and catches sight of you in the corner, “Hey, come over here…” he insists, waving you down with two fingers. You make your way over to the two of them, Jake wrapping his hand around your waist as you stand in front of them. 

“Do you want to do my rhinestones tonight?” Josh asks, with a hopeful expression. 

“We’ve got about twenty minutes, we better go now…” you smile, reaching your hand out and grasping it in yours. 

—

As the two of you sit in the dressing room, applying his last few stones, Jake busts through the door with Daniel, “Josh.”

He turns his head to look at the two of them, “Yes….” he asks nervously. 

“Sam gave the OK. We’re gonna do it. Do you…Think you can pull it off?” Daniel asks, leaning in the doorway. 

“Fuck yes. Yes. I knew he’d come through. Yes, go tell Logan.” he says, rubbing his lips together as his knees bounce in front of him. The two disappear from the doorway, as you sit in front of Josh in question, your eyes searching his for answers.

“We’re gonna do it. We’re gonna do Anthem. For Elle…It was her favorite.” he says, eyes beginning to water. 

“Oh, Josh…” you choked out, feeling the tears threaten your eyes. “I know she’s here with us tonight. I can feel her.” you admit. 

“Me too. Everyday.”

—

You feel your heart rate starting to pick up as you hear the overture begin to boom through the packed arena, a beautiful orchestral stylization of the songs on the record. The brainchild of Sam and Josh, no doubt. You wait nervously at the arena door, ready to take a look at their outfits for the first show of the new tour, gorgeous satin and chiffon ensembles, handmade by their favorite seamstress. Daniel is the first to greet you, a rhinestone chainmail top, that sits over black and gray chiffon lining, perfectly crisp white pants with matching stones near the ankle. “Daniel you are glowing, you look perfect.” 

“Needed something as sparkly as what you’re flaunting these days.” he winks, grabbing his sticks from his back pocket and walking towards the stage. 

You watched silently as Danny whipped his head back and forth around the corner, suddenly acting jumpy and eager. Within a second, Cat was running and leaping into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as they held each other in tight embraces. Both of their faces lit up, their smiles so genuine it made your heart tumble. He carried her off quickly, disappearing around the door, sure to be receiving a quick good luck kiss before he rushed to the stage. 

Sam is next to find you, running no doubt, with his seltzer in hand. His clean white suit adorned with hanging chains and gray chiffon, suits him perfectly. It will only be a matter of time until the jacket goes flying, disappearing with his shoes half way through the set. “Spin for me!”

He does a graceful twirl, his silver eye makeup catching the light as he grins. “Amazing. Never looked better. You’re gonna be perfect tonight Sammy.” 

He smiles and places a kiss to your cheek, “Drinks after the show, right?” he asks, you nod your head and send him on his way. You hear the overture starting to near the end, and the people in your ear calling for the guys to enter stage left. 

Jake and Josh are walking down the hallway, as you rush them towards you with a wave of your hand. You can’t hear what Jake is whispering in Josh’s ear, but you know its words of encouragement. Just between the two of them.

“Josh, you’re perfect, good to go. Go get your in-ears.” you say, raking over his ensemble. Jake steps up to you, spinning around in his shiny silver suit, the black chiffon twirling around with him. 

“What do you think? Will this do?” he asks smugly, knowing he looks good. He grabs your hand and pulls you close, his free hand coming up to wrap around your neck. He places a sweet, lingering kiss to your lips, before pulling away. “I love you…” he pauses, pressing his lips to your ear, “...Mrs. Kiszka.” before pulling away and heading towards the stage. 

You feel your heart flutter and your stomach flip at the thought. You are going to be a Kiszka. His wife. You turn to make your way to the stage, catching the guys taking their shot as they are huddled in a tight circle. Years later and the tradition still stands, every argument, every hard time aside they will always have this. Always have each other. 

They bound up the stairs as the lights begin to flutter across the curtain, the crowd going absolutely wild as it falls, revealing the four most important people in your life ready to play the show of a lifetime. 

—

 JOSH POV

Your heart was racing with adrenaline as you rushed out of the quick change tent and made your way to the B-Stage. Sam was hot on your heels, running to catch up with you as you jumped on the back of the golf cart, ready to drive you around the backside of the arena. 

“Good so far, right?” he asks, panting and nearly out of breath. 

“Fucking phenomenal so far. Really intrigued to see how this second stage business is going to play out.” you reply, wind whipping through your hair as the golf cart zooms through the corridor. 

“I’m nervous.” Sam admits, looking at his hands. 

“Don’t be. She’s here.” you say, placing a hand on his leg. “Let’s make it a good one for her, yeah? A tune to free the soul?” you wink, hoping to lift his spirits. He nods and swallows back the lump in his throat as you pull up to the entrance. “Shall we?”

—

You sat there on the small stage sitting across from your brothers, in a set up so reminiscent of older times, feeling extremely nostalgic as you heard the first notes begin to ring out from Jake’s guitar. It had been quite a long time since this song left your lips, but that didn’t make it any less powerful. Here tonight, with all of your friends, family and loved ones in attendance, you sang a song, so true to who you all were as a band but more importantly as human beings. 

It wasn’t lost on you that there were many people who had never heard this song performed live before, and the true heavy emotion  was thick in the room. You glanced around to see people holding each other, swaying along as your brothers’ voices joined along with yours, something brand new to your show that seemed to be an immediate hit. Their first time seeing Jake and Daniel sing along in a set-up so intimate, you knew the waterworks were flowing from every person in the arena. 

You could see the tears in Sam’s eyes as all four of you sang the words, all silently knowing this one was for Elle. You put every ounce of heart and soul into it, really hoping that somewhere, wherever she was, she could hear you. 

The four of you made your way off of the small stage, ready to return to the main stage to finish out what would be one of the most memorable and iconic performances of your career. Singing songs from the new album, but still tossing in a few classics here and there, but as you hear Sam’s piano begin to play out a particular comforting and familiar tune, you feel a warmth wash over you, ready to sing a song that has meant so much to you over the past few years. No one truly understanding how much so until recently. 

As the words began to flow from your mouth, a sea of rainbow flags filled the space in front of you. A thousand smiling faces showing you and telling you just how much they love you. How much they support you. Through any and everything they’d always be here for you. Always showing up for you. They would show up time and time again. How could you have doubted them? Do they know how much you love them too? You were truly moved by the sight before you, and as your eyes flicked up to the arena, that's when you saw it. 

A sea of shining colored lights. Every color in its perfect place, a rainbow, a beacon of support completely surrounding you everywhere you looked. Each section of seating filled with the appropriate color, and you knew this wasn’t your teams doing. No, this was the work of your fans. You knew then that you’d made the right decision, a decision that would forever change your life. As you sang the chorus out to them with every ounce of emotion you could muster, with the flags and the beautiful rainbow of lights swaying in time with you, you felt your eyes fill with tears. You finally felt free, loved, and wholly accepted. 

As the song came to an emotional end, you doubled over with gratitude, unable to hold back the tears as they dropped the lights. Somehow you all just knew that you needed to stop, take it in, and appreciate this moment for what it was. History. 

Swallowing back your tears, you brought the mic to your lips, and tried your best to express the gratitude you felt for each and every soul in the building. You could hear the screams of the fans telling you how much they loved you, and if you could spend the rest of the night telling each and every one of them the same, you surely would. 

“Well, I usually hold it together on that one…” you pause, swallowing your feelings, as you fidget mindlessly with your pants. “It’s a very important song…” you continue, the words in your mind rendering you speechless as you try to say them, but crumbling under the insurmountable emotion rushing through your body. “I hope to god… as a singer and a songwriter, you hope that your music will forever be relevant, or timeless, and I hope that song will only be timeless and one day it will become irrelevant, because the world needs to move forward, we need to love. We need to love…”

And love you, they did.

—

HER POV

As the fireworks rained down over the stage, you could hardly stop the tears from falling from your eyes. You’re positive you’d never been more proud of them in your entire life. You’d seen them bloom and grow from four teenage boys into four strong and resilient young men. One of whom you’d share the rest of your life with. You felt a flutter in your chest as they all turned and came down the steps, positively filled with emotion. Josh was the last to leave the stage, not ready to let them go yet. You didn’t blame him, tonight had to have been one of the best nights of his life, of course he wasn’t ready to go. As he came down the steps the dam broke, and the tears he fought off for the entire show, finally broke free.

Jake was quickly at your side, walking with you back to the green room, sweaty and spent as Josh rushed past all of you, heading straight to the tech booth. Your heart dropped, you knew what was coming next. You felt Jake’s hand on your shoulder, gently squeezing as the both of you watched. Seconds later Sam was at your side, and as you grabbed his hand to stop him, it happened. Josh made his way through the crowd of people, finding Logan and spinning him to face him. You felt a smile spread across your face as you squeezed Sam’s hand. You watched as Josh put his hand on Logan’s cheek, quickly pulling his lips to meet his own in a proud display of love. You felt the tears start again, finally seeing Josh so free to be himself. 

Jake quickly pulled the three of you down the hall towards the dressing room with his own smile on his face, “It’s about damn time, right?” his gravely voice spoke. 

“That it is…” Sam said, breaking free from the two of you as he tossed his jacket onto the couch. 

Jake let go of you as he began to undress, ready to meet up with his family who enjoyed the show from the box seats. “That might have been my favorite show yet.” he said, turning to look at you. 

“Yeah I think this one is going to be memorable for a lot of reasons.” you smirked, taking his sweaty jacket and hanging it on a hanger. 

“That had to be one of the most moving things I’ve ever experienced. I almost forgot how to play the song.” he laughs.

“I was a mess, thank god you couldn’t see me.” you giggled. 

“And to think, this is only the beginning…” he pauses, pulling on his jeans. You stand to meet him, your heart pounding in your chest as you gather the nerve you need. “...We’ve got like twenty more just like this. You sure you’re ready for a few weeks on the road, Mrs. Kiszka? Just you and me?” he smiles with a toothy grin.

You grab his hand, “Well, about that.” you pause, swallowing nervously. 

He looks at you, face quickly growing serious, “What do you not want to come anymore? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I will miss you. I just tho–”

“Oh, no. I’m coming. Actually…we’re coming.” you say, flicking your eyes to his nervously.

You see his brows furrow and his throat tense, “We?”

You reached behind you, removing the old torn and tattered photograph from your back pocket, unfolding it, and placing it in his hands. 

His eyes peered into yours again, his breath caught short in his throat. “This—it’s the photo I took of the double rainbow that morning…when we were going back home to Michigan for the Fourth…I didn’t even know you were going to be there.”

“Yeah, you sent it to me that day. Told me you would’ve missed something beautiful if you hadn’t… I—I kept it in my journal all this time, it’s one of my favorites.” You grabbed his hand, stepping in a little bit closer as he tried to make sense of what you were saying. 

“Babe, It’s not just you and me anymore…” you stammer out, grabbing his hand in yours and placing it to your stomach, searching his eyes for any type of response, and just as your self doubt begins to kick in, you see a smile slip across his lips and his eyes fill with tears. “We…we made a rainbow baby.”

“You’re…You’re preg–Wait–what? Are you sure? I thought they said you couldn’t—”

“The test was positive. So positive. And the second was positive…and the third… The most positive I’ve ever seen…” you breathe, a tear slipping from your eye. 

“Baby…” he whispers, crushing your body to his in the tightest embrace you’ve ever felt. “I can’t believe it…When?” You wrapped your arms around him, holding close the one person who’s always been home. The person who would always be your home. 

“A few weeks ago I guess…Fourth of July maybe…” you say, blinking back your happy tears.

He pulled you away, holding your shoulders tightly while he looked you up and down…your hair a mess from the stress of set-up, your makeup running from crying all night, your clothes in disarray. But he looked at you like you were the only person in the room, the only one who could steal all his attention in the blink of an eye. 

He pulled you in close again, his hand clasped around the back of your head while he nuzzled into your shoulder. 

“Y/N, I’m positive you’ve just made me the happiest man in the entire universe…”

As a child you’d always looked to the sky, wondering what your life would hold, where you’d end up, who you’d end up being, and where you’d end up going. You’d count the stars, wish upon them, even wear them on your body. Now you had your very own, placed upon your finger by the man who loved you through every stage, and every season of your life. Vowing to be yours until the end of time. The two of you had created a new life now, and you knew that together you’d spend every day telling them how much you loved them, and encouraging them to love one another just the same.

You smiled as the warmth of his fingers found your face and burned into your cheeks, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. You loved him. With every fiber of your being you loved him. Until the very last petal in this crazy game of chance, fell. It would always be, she loves you.  

You turned your face in his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm as you brought your left hand to rest on his. The multicolored lights overhead caught your ring just right, making the diamond sparkle onto the wall behind Jake in a colorful rainbow glint. The perfect prism was a sweet message from the universe, reminding you that nothing is impossible. 

With steady vigilance, even when it feels like the darkness will never fade, stardust is sparked, igniting embers into flames. From emptiness, you had created a new soul. From despair, you’d found contentment. And from closure, the most beautiful new beginning. 

“She loves me?” Jake asks, holding your face in his hands as you watch his eyes well with tears, the rest of the world around you completely melting away. 

“She loves you.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The End 🌼

Love Notes:

Fanfiction turned literal novel?! No way Jose… Profoundly beholden that all of you stuck through this shit show until the end with us (and some who didn’t…hey man, that’s cool too). The blood, actual sweat, and actual tears that we’ve put into this, the kickback that made us question whether or not we wanted to finish it at all, and then the outpouring of support and constructive criticism from the A1 Day 1’s has made me want to be a better writer. Thanks for allowing us to tell this story. Thanks to Noel for forcing me to learn how to organize my thoughts instead of just raw-dogging chapters like I was used to. 😛🤙🏼 Thank you for all the lessons learned, for giving us a platform to speak up on real life issues (and correct our mishaps), and for allowing me to feel a whole new creative connection to these 4 dummy brothers from Michigan. I hope that you cry happy tears, dance around in daisy fields, and always look for the little dipper in the night sky. Fridays will never be the same. ♥️

Love, peace, and chicken grease,

Jules🌙 

Eight whole months of Vigilance. What a crazy ride. When this all started I had never even met Jules in real life yet. Now, eight months later we’ve seen each other multiple times and formed a friendship that will last forever. This truly wouldn’t have been what it was without her, and while I may have taught her how to get her thoughts together, she taught me how to let mine wander, wild and free. 🌼 I cannot thank each and every one of you enough for supporting us through this whole thing. It’s been hard, and some days we wanted to just quit and never look back, but with the outpouring of love from all of you we persevered and here we are today at the very last chapter. Hard topics make for good stories, and a good story sheds light on real situations, bringing awareness to tough situations to help others. I feel like we’ve done just that, and if it helped even one person, well that’s a win in my book. This may be the end of Vigilance, but it’s not the end of Jules and I writing together. We have a few more tricks up our sleeve, so be patient with us while we take a little TLC break, because we will be back with something new before you know it. 

Very much love to all of you,

Noel ⚡️

When someone we know and care about is impacted by domestic violence, it is hard to know how to help. But friends and family are important in supporting people experiencing domestic violence so they feel empowered to leave. Waiting for the perfect words could keep you from seizing the opportunity to change a life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help. All it takes is one call to the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or Text START to 88788 to discuss your situation.  

For more help identifying the signs of domestic abuse visit this site for tons of helpful resources.

If you are pregnant and unsure about your feelings or what to do next, we recommend calling the All-Options Talkline at 1-888-493-0092 from anywhere in the United States or Canada. All-Options offers unconditional, judgment-free support for people in all of their decisions, feelings, and experiences with pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption.

Series Playlist: Spotify | Apple Music

Jake's Playlist: Spotify | Apple Music

Taglist: @gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner@eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @violet-hayes@indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta @becinabubblegvf @hanntisocial @demonrat444 @mrbrownstne @gretabyss @bizzielisteningtogreta @samsbirks @jakes-archer @laneygvf @jaketsword @hangvf @indigostreakmorgan

a/n: alas, the second part of chapter 7!

as per usual, life has been busy and stressful. but, recently, i've had a couple of terribly sad things take place on top of it all. so, all of that piled up has stalled me. threw me way off balance for a bit.

my anxiety has also been ✨trippin'✨ recently, so i'm just drowning atp.

as always, ty to my sis @joshym for being a fucking amazing sister, talking through ideas w me, and proofreading for me <3 ilysfm

and ty to my wonderful friend @alwaysonthemend for being amazing and supportive + ever-encouraging. u r wonderful & ilysfm &lt;3

i hope u guys (gn) enjoy the rest of chapter 7!

-🌼🌼🌼-

Waking up the next morning was not as wonderful as it’d been the morning prior. 

You loved your sister with nearly everything in you, but being tied up in her legs was absolutely nothing compared to being curled up in Jake’s. 

Your body ached to feel his body against yours in the morning again. . .formed to yours, your legs tangled up in each other, your cheek resting on his warm, firm chest. 

Shit. You needed to feel him.

You were just about to get up to see if he was still in his room when Elsie made a telltale noise that she was awake. And when she cracked an eye open to look at you, she looked completely groggy and out of it. 

But definitely awake. Before you knew it, she was up and aware and checking her phone through blurry eyes. 

She yawned once more as she scrolled, but you knew this was only a sign that she was truly awake. A final yawn before starting her day. It was a weird thing you’d noticed with her years ago.

So, you knew that she would waste no time in wanting to start her day as soon as—

“Get dressed and let’s go get coffee,” she said, already walking to your bedroom to get her clothes on to start the day.

And within twenty minutes, you were both flitting about the apartment (bickering already), with the Jetta keys in Elsie’s hand, ready to go. 

As you loaded up in your car to start the day, you couldn’t help but notice the impending throbbing Jake had left between your legs from the night before. 

A sick reminder of the person you hadn’t had the chance to see again this morning. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You spent the day with Elsie, doing a variety of activities that you two used to do all the time. 

You got the coffee she’d wanted as soon as she’d awoken, then got your nails done, went shopping for unnecessary things, got sushi. . .

It was a fun day. 

But it dragged. On and on. 

Seeing Jake at the gig tonight was undoubtedly the thing you were looking forward to most all day long.

The dull pain between your legs from where Jake had been the night before had you getting even more excited. 

But it also served as a reminder to make your rules. 

He’d followed the other rules you’d made well enough (enough being the key term) before. It seemed a legitimate idea to pitch some again for whatever the fuck you two had now gotten yourselves into twice (and more than that if you counted the other things the two of you had done).

You just hoped he’d respond well to these. They were to benefit both of you. Keep the sex just sex.

Protection.

You were sure they’d be easy for you to follow, so you were crossing your fingers they would be for him, too. You weren’t going to ask a lot of him.

By the time Elsie was done buying whatever she definitely didn’t need from H&M, you already had a solid ten rules made up.

Ten seemed good. Even number. Good start.

And you’d made one rule for yourself personally: No funny business until the rules had been discussed. 

You needed the rules in place to feel like you had some semblance of control over it all.

He’d just have to be okay with that.

-🌼🌼🌼-

The show hadn’t even ended, their little encore about to start, when you got a text from Jake, making your tummy flip at his name popping up on your screen. 

Jake, 10:30 p.m.: Josh says to meet us at that bowling alley we played a couple weeks back

Jake, 10:30 p.m.: oh fuck I forgot

Jake, 10:30 p.m.: that was when you weren’t coming to our shows for god knows what reason. It’s called brooklyn bowl

Jake, 10:31 p.m.: we will be there as soon as this set is done. Head that way and we will meet you

The string of texts kind of shocked you, if you were being completely honest. The fact that Jake had apparently been willing to text you about the plans made your stomach dip. 

And even though his little remark about you not going to their shows made your skin heat with irritation, you still felt butterflies as you quickly texted back. 

You, 10:33 p.m.: Okay. We will see you guys there. 

You nudged Elsie, showing her the texts. 

Her lips had a smart little smirk as soon as she saw who it was texting you, her eyes flashing to you to see your expression. 

You only rolled your eyes and said, “It’s not that he’s texting me, stupid. We need to leave.”

So she finished reading the texts, and nodded her head when she’d finished. 

“That’ll be fun,” she grinned bigger, winking. She nodded once again, signaling for you to move out so she could follow you out from the booth you’d been sitting in to watch the guys perform. “Let’s go.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

You waited a good while for a lane to open up, the alley being oddly busy on a Monday night. 

As you’d waited in line, Elsie had made a comment about Jake acting a little funny about you not being at their shows for a bit. 

You’d pushed her off, claiming he was just being an asshole. 

And your heart hadn’t beaten any faster when he’d sent a simple response as you waited in the line to get a lane. 

Jake, 11:05 p.m.: :) 

Jake, 11:07 p.m.: we will be there soon

You didn’t respond, not wanting to seem eager for a response or some shit. He’d know that you got his message by your ‘read’ receipt.

Eventually, you and your sister had a lane assigned to your party, and you located it. The two of you took the time to set up your names in the machine before the guys would arrive and presumably took over. You had a funny feeling they’d be pre-excited to start the game and compete. 

And you knew well enough to stay out of their way when they got excited over bowling. 

You assumed Jake would be the same. But you didn’t know as this would be your first time going out with him to bowl.

Well, going out with the guys and Jake. Not just him. 

It wasn’t like you guys were dating or some weird shit. 

Fuck no.

You weren’t. At all.

And just as that thought’d come to your mind, you figured tonight would be a really good time to talk over the rules you’d spent the day crafting.

Before he started assuming shit.

He probably didn’t. You knew better than to get too big of a head over Jake considering the thing you guys had done any more than just fucking.

You ignored the tiny sinking in your tummy over that thought. It didn’t matter. It was just fucking. 

So. Yeah. Rules would be good to have. Good reminders. You’d find a quiet time tonight to tell him about them.

They would let you have the control you needed, and keep you both in line with the situationship staying strictly sex.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You were correct in assuming the boys would come in and take over the machine; fingers flew over the touchscreen panel and ridiculous pictures were taken to accompany their player names.

Elsie only sat back and watched Josh in nothing short of amazement, laughing at every single thing he’d say or do. And he’d look back at her and send secret smiles, shooting winks and long glances when he wasn’t looking at the machine.

They were fucking adorable. 

But they could have the relationship. 

You weren’t interested in something like that. 

Though, you couldn’t help the way you watched Jake’s ass as he bent over the chair to put his name in, along with his own picture. His eyes crossed and tongue sticking out. 

You really couldn’t help the smirk and tiny giggle that bubbled out of you when he’d set it up. 

Also, his ass was looking fucking round and delicious in his jeans. 

Fuck. 

When he’d taken the initiative to get the guys’ shoes for them at the counter, you took the opportunity to do the same for your sister and you. 

This could be your chance to talk to him about rules.

Following behind him a few healthy steps, you saw him bent at the waist, arms crossed on the shoe counter as he talked to the girl working it. What was he doing? He was only up there to get fucking shoes.

Despite being annoyed, you did openly take the opportunity to admire his ass while you could. It was too tempting not to. Firm as hell, and poking out yet again from this position he was leaning into. 

You didn’t waste time, though, as you met him at the counter. There was shit to do and he was already taking too long.

You sidled up next to him, without another thought, as the girl across the counter continued to flirt openly with him.  

You rolled your eyes at her, glancing at him as he did the same back. He had a shit eating grin on his face the whole time, as if he knew she was lapping up every bit of it all. 

Stupid. You guys needed to get your shoes and get back to start the game. None of you had time for the little game he and this girl were playing. 

And she needed to focus on her job. 

“I need some shoes, too, if you don’t mind,” you butted in, pressing your arm into Jake’s. She looked annoyed, but you didn’t care. You were too. Looking down at your roommate, you narrowed your eyes at him. He was already looking at you, a raised brow and a smirk on his lips. Your panties got the slightest bit wet. Dumb. “Did you at least give her your fucking sizes?”

He rolled his eyes, but quickly changed his face to a knowing sort of thing that made you want to punch him and kiss him all at once. He uncrossed his arms from the counter, standing up to look down at you. 

“Yes,” he said, voice dripping with irritation, and a mix of something else you couldn’t put your finger to. “Would you like to give her yours, ma’am?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Jake,” you gritted in response. You looked back at her, as she continued to size Jake up. “Excuse me, I still need shoes. A woman’s size 6 and a size 8.”

And just as she begrudgingly left to get them all, you made eye contact with him again. He was already looking at you.

The apples of his cheeks were round with a big smile, pearly white teeth gleaming in the neon lighting of the place as he chuckled lowly. 

“What, Cheshire fucking Cat?” 

“You’re silly,” he said cutely. “And you’ve got a filthy fuckin’ mouth on you tonight, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

Your heart leapt at him calling you that. You really liked how it sounded when he called you pet names— like sweetheart and baby. . . It sounded so, so nice falling from his pretty lips. 

Blinking back at him, you refocused. “I’m silly? What the fuck does that mean?”

“You just are. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s cute. You’re cute,” he leaned his butt against the front of the counter, and he reached out to toy with the halter top you’d worn tonight. “And you look fucking sexy tonight. Why didn’t you stand closer to the stage for me to see you while I played?”

You flushed, and felt the slightest bit sad when he let his hand fall from your shirt to tuck back into his front pocket. 

“Wanted to show Elsie another vantage point of the show,” you replied, not wanting to tell him that you weren’t sure you could’ve handled being that close to him, watching him ruthlessly fuck his guitar. It would’ve made you fall victim to him before you were able to discuss your rules with him. “But that doesn’t matter. We need to talk about something.”

He let out a breath and then responded, “Well I know what this is going to be about,” he started, his eyes locking with yours. You lifted a brow, encouraging him to continue. “You don’t think us having sex is the best idea, hm? Can’t let yourself have too much of a good thing.”

Scoffing, you crossed your arms. 

You uncrossed them. 

Then, with a huff, you crossed them again. 

You were starting to realize when you did this, it made you feel guarded, emotions not on full display. Jake brought out so many different emotions in you— made you feel exposed. Crossing your arms to hide what pieces of yourself you could cover was all you could do. You just weren’t sure if it was healthy to constantly be on guard like you so often were. 

But it was just what you did. Especially with him.

“You think it’s that good?” You sassed, trying to disguise how wonderful you knew it to be, your pussy still in the slightest bit of pain from just how good he’d given it to you not even twenty-four hours ago. 

His eyes bore into yours, challenging you. “Oh, you’re saying it wasn’t?” He turned towards you. “Is that why I had to cover your mouth to keep you from getting all loud? You didn’t seem to think it was so bad when—.”

“Here are your shoes!” The girl was back, sliding all six pairs Jake’s way. You scooted yours and Elsie’s over to you, eying the girl and judging how she was holding eyes with Jake.

“These were mine,” you reminded as you held onto the backs of the shoes, clicking them against the counter.

As you went to hold them in your arms, you waited for her to look up at you. And when she threw you a disgusted glance, you didn’t let her look away, pinning her there. And as if on cue, customers were showing up behind you and Jake. 

“Better get to work,” you remarked at her, throwing a thumb back to point at the next people in line. You then tapped the other boys’ shoes to remind Jake to get them. He grabbed them just in time for you to take him by his sleeve. He chuckled under his breath as he let you drag the two of you over a few feet. 

Why was he laughing? 

You released him as soon as you were far enough away from the girl that she’d leave you alone. 

“You like her?” You questioned hotly (for literally no reason at all, really just genuine curiosity). “She definitely likes you.” 

“I don’t know,” he smirked, raising an eyebrow at you. “Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t.”

“You’re the one who asked.”

“I just think it’s a good idea for you to be careful where you’re sticking your dick,” you chided, assuming to yourself that was the reason you asked in the first place. There was no other reason to care. “I’ll make you fucking wrap that shit.”

“I always do,” he challenged, stepping towards you a bit. It made your heart thump in your chest. 

“No you don’t,” you challenged back, crinkling a brow with a shake of your head. “You’ve never—.”

“Not with you I don't. Other girls, always. It’s fucking nasty not to,” he reasoned. His voice went impossibly lower, deeper with his next words. “I’ve never given a flying fuck about truly feeling the shape of a girl’s pussy until yours. I wasn’t going to miss out on that.”

Your cheeks heated, becoming red at his words. You could not be that special.

“That’s a fucking lie,” you hushed back, leveling with him. You pushed your chest out to fake a sort of sanity you were beginning to lack. “What about your ex-girlfrie—?”

“Nope,” he popped the ‘p’, his hand coming up to gently hold your bicep. His calloused thumb smoothed over your skin, drawing mindless shapes. You shivered. “Always used protection with her, too.”

You blinked. You were at a loss for words. 

His eyes scanned your body. The outfit of black skinny jeans that showcased your ass and your striped halter top that gave you incredible cleavage. He watched the curves of your breasts as your chest heaved at him watching you.

Your eyes floated to his lips, full and pink and kissable. Fuck. You just wanted to kiss him so bad.

It seemed he wanted it, too.

His were getting nearer and nearer to yours.

And you were leaning into it. . . So close to what you were learning was a constant craving.

“Y/n!” Elsie’s voice from across the way brought you out of your momentary daze. 

You shoved Jake back. 

Dammit, you hated being cut off from him like that. 

But you were currently way too close for outside onlookers. 

Your eyes were as wide as a deer in headlights as you scanned the alley for her. You’d lost your party entirely, your mind being wrapped up in only Jake for the past fifteen minutes. 

She whistled to gain your attention. And when you finally saw her, she was still on the bench from earlier, Josh right next to her. Their thighs were touching and his arm was over the back of her chair, facing away from you. 

Thank fuck. He hadn’t seen. 

But you had the sneakiest suspicion Elsie had seen too much. The quirk of her lips said so.

You could deal with her later.

“Shoooooes!” She sang, Josh harmonizing with her momentarily as if to mock. She giggled at him, shoving his shoulder. Now looking at him as she spoke, “I’m ready to kick Josh’s ass and I need my shoes to do it!” 

You looked back over at Jake for a split second, seeing the same disappointment in his eyes that you were feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

But you just couldn’t chance all of them seeing you two like that. 

You were still looking at him when you called back with a, “Coming!”

And as you walked back to your friends, Jake followed closely behind. You could feel him staring at your ass as you swayed it in front of him. With the smallest secret grin on your lips, you pressed the back of your hand to your cheeks to tame your blush.

The throbbing between your legs was begging for him. 

You had to get these stupid (albeit necessary) rules out of the way quick so you could sneak off and let him fuck you. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Ah! Another fucking strike!” Sammy punched the air in triumph, elbowing Danny in the side. “Try to beat my fuckin’ score, Daniel! Betcha can’t.” 

The four of you that sat back at the booth to watch applauded Sam’s score, but urged Danny on to “kick his ass, Danny!”

“Don’t let him have the upper hand,” you shouted at Daniel, who sent a wink back at you. 

And as Danny took his first shot, you heard Jake pipe up from across the table. “Who wants something to drink? Or maybe some fuckin’ chicken tenders or something. ‘M starving.”

Everyone yelled back “me!” except for you, who watched him lazily from your side of the booth. You’d been admiring him any chance you’d gotten from your spot all evening. He was sitting next to Josh and you were next to Elsie. Perfect view of him across the booth.

“Jacob, I volunteer you to get the booze and food,” Josh decided, clapping a hand against Jake’s shoulder. “I’ll play in your spot while you’re gone. We’re basically the same person, so it counts.”

Elsie joined in with her own two cents. “And I think you should help him carry it all back, sis, so I don’t let Josh get the upper hand with too much playing.” She added, “Let me play for you, too, and I’ll stay on the same page as him. Keep things fair.”

They laughed with each other like two little obnoxious love birds. And you couldn’t even care about it as you met eyes with your roommate, a glint in his eye at the prospect of you two escaping. 

He got out, and you watched his body unfold, and then as he stretched from sitting. You averted your gaze when you heard the telling sign of a strike, and the sounds of Danny rubbing it in Sammy’s face.

“Sure,” you replied, trying to act irritated that she was making you leave. When you were actually anything but. She looked at Jake, then back at you, throwing you a wiggle of her brows as you got out. Bitch knew what she was doing. 

Jake waited for you, and you quickly joined him in walking to the bar. 

“You know how amazing your ass looks in those jeans,” he said to you in a low tone as you walked that way. “Do you always wear the sexiest shit on purpose?” 

Heart racing, you looked up at him with a tiny grin. “Maybe.”

When you approached the bar, he put in a few orders of chicken and fries and several beers. 

“Yeah, man, but it might take a bit,” the guy responded, looking over at you, giving you a decent once over. He was blatantly checking you out. You pretended you didn’t notice as you let your eyes travel back to Jake, whose eyebrows were turned in at the guy looking at you. “Probably like five to ten minutes. That okay?”

“If you can keep your eyes off of her while you do it, sure,” he said back, taking a step over, closer to you. The guy looked shocked to be called out, stuttering a bit. He nodded his head a few times at Jake in response. 

“Yeah man, sorry,” he said, voice wavering. “Just don’t always see girls so pretty,” he sent a small, worried smile your way. “Sorry, miss.”

You tossed a hand his way, showing it was no biggie.

You could tell he was harmless. But you didn’t care about him. 

Jake’s palms splayed out on the counter, and him standing tall to say what he did was all you cared about in that moment. His shoulders, broad, and dark brown eyes daring the guy to look at you again.

Sexy as hell.

Why did you like him standing up for you so damn much? 

The guy scurried away, yelling out orders in the kitchen and then tending to the next customers. 

You turned to Jake just as he did the same. All you wanted was to reach out and feel him, but you didn’t. Couldn’t. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” you remarked, correcting him for no reason whatsoever. You liked it. Why were you saying anything? “I don’t need you doing that.”

Y/n, shut up, you heard the sweet voice in your head chide you. Just let him be there for you. 

“Didn’t say you did,” he snipped back, his eyebrows turning in at you now. “Just didn’t like him looking at you like that.”

Your heart beat rampantly as you held his line of sight. 

“Fine,” was all you could say in response. “But I still need to talk to you about what I had to earlier.”

“Did I not hit the nail on the head with what I said?” He questioned. “Too much of a—?”

“No, you didn’t,” you cut him off. He reared back a bit with a little ‘hm’. “Just let me speak. You can offer your opinion in a minute.”

You pulled your phone from your back pocket, opening up the notes with the rules, anxious to get your piece said.

“Rules,” you held up the device, flashing it at him before turning it back to yourself to read. 

But before you could start, he interrupted. “Rules? We already went over our rules for the apar—.”

“Not the apartment,” you corrected. 

He looked curious, his eyebrow raising in question. “Then what?”

“Sex.”

“Ha!” He let out the one cackle with a shake of his head. “Rules for sex?”

When he said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous. You couldn’t blame him for laughing when you heard the prospect from your own mouth. 

But you had valid reasons for it.

“Yes. As weird as it sounds, they will help us,” you said, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. “Are you ready?”

“Do I get a say?” 

“You will once you’ve heard them all.”

He groaned, and you saw him throw a hand over his eyes. “Fuck, y/n.” 

Was he that disappointed? 

Did it matter if he was? This was important to you.

You watched his pecs and chest rise and fall through his partially opened shirt, tempting you. The quicker you got these read, the quicker you could take him to a hidden area and—.

“Well?” His voice made your eyes snap to his face. He’d smoothed his hand down his face, holding his chin as he looked as ready as he could to tolerate whatever the hell was coming from you. “I’m waiting.”

You sighed. “If you’re going to be a giant baby about them, then—.”

“I won’t,” he sighed as well, looking more and more open to hearing you out by the second. 

Okay, maybe he really would be okay with this, you thought hopefully. 

“Number one:—.”

“Just like old times,” he interrupted. You cut your eyes to him, narrowing them in his direction. “Feels like yesterday when we were standing in the living roo—.”

“Jake, shut the fuck up and let me finish,” you grumbled. “Or I’ll cut you off from me.”

Empty threat. You were not ready to do that anytime soon. 

He waved a hand in your direction, gesturing for you to continue. 

You growled under your breath, but stood straighter, not wanting him to see you flustered. “Number one: we will not make this a relationship. It is—and will stay— just sex.”

“Are you choosing that for both of us?”

“Yes.”

“Not totally fair,” he inserted. “I’m not sure how I feel about you being the one to make that decision.”

“And I’m not sure how I feel about you giving me such a hard time about it,” you bit back. Your defenses were flaring. Who gave him the right? “It’s my decision whether I want a relationship or not. I don’t want one. If you want one, find someone else. Because it’s not going to be with me.”

There were too many reasons it shouldn’t be a relationship. But you weren’t about to get into that. 

His posture had drooped the slightest bit, and his eyebrows, furrowed with a sort of hurt. But before you could consider it any further, he was crossing his arms and his features were hardening.

“Fine,” he stated. Your heart fell in your chest at the word. He continued, “I won’t make a big deal of it. I’ll take what I can get.”

Your mind was in a frenzy. Jake was the worst (or, perhaps, best) at causing you to ride emotional rollercoasters. You couldn’t keep up with him. 

And why was he fine with compromising so quickly? Whatever the reason, you weren’t going to question it.

“Okay,” was all you said. You waited a few beats, your eyes piercing the other’s. Not wanting to waste anymore time, you continued, “I think it will be good for it to be only about sex. Just trust me,” you softly encouraged, reaching out to pat his chest in reassurance. But you went to remove it quickly, remembering you shouldn’t show that sort of behavior in public. 

Instead, he held it there for a few more seconds, letting you feel his heart beating, steadily under your open palm. 

The moment was over before it started, though, and you thought it best anyway. There was a time and a place for that.

So, within record time, you told him the rest of the rules you’d made up (and he had a response for each one): 

2) Nobody will find out. (“We’ve gone over that.”)

3) No questions or comments about dates the other one may have. It’s not our business. (“Oookay?”)

4) No excessive touching outside the bedroom. (“Alright.”)

5) Try to avoid sleeping together after. Especially avoid: cuddling. Too couple-y. (“Like you said: it’s just fucking. Why would I dare try cuddling you?”)

6) No pet names outside of the bedroom. (“Can do.”)

You stopped before the last few, looking up from your phone to make sure he was actually still engaged and taking you seriously.

To your pleasant surprise, he really seemed to be. He had a pensive look on his face, hand holding his chin in thought. 

Soon, he looked back at you and replied. “Really doesn’t seem too hard,” he paused, raising his brow. “‘S that it?”

Shaking your head, you held up three fingers. You told him, “There’s three more.”

He breathed deeply in response, blowing the breath out slowly. He raised both brows, shook his head in mild agreeance (or maybe disbelief?), but once again motioned a hand at you to continue. 

“Number seven: only sex on the days we’re both off work,” you recited from your screen. This one sounded kind of insane to your own ears when you said it out loud. 

Jake confirmed this with a scoff. Your head perked up sheepishly at the sound, knowing that one was a little strange. Why had you decided that?

“Veto,” he said in annoyance. “Why is that even a rule? What purpose?” He continued, “I’ll be honest, if I look hard enough, I can find the tiniest purpose in every other rule. . . except that one.”

You nodded your head, acknowledging he was right. 

“Do I still have a say? Because I really am not sure I can follow that one.”

“Yes,” you conceded sheepishly. Then, something overtook you and you honestly confided in him. “I think that one was just me grasping for control. I struggle with it on occasion.”

He chuckled quietly to himself, almost fondly. You blushed, waiting for him to respond. 

“Just a little bit. But I’ll roll with it,” he replied, his soft gaze finding yours. You felt your tummy do flips. This. . . felt good. Being a little more open with him, and him accepting it. It felt nice—relieving, almost. “Go on. Last two.”

You cleared your throat, pulling your stare from him to look at your screen. “New number seven: No emotional dependency,” you iterated. With his crinkled brow, you clarified. “We aren’t responsible for dealing with each others’ emotions. That’s for relationships.” 

That one made you sad for some reason. It was almost as though you longed for that with him. . . But it didn’t matter. That one was particularly important to help with boundaries. 

“Alright,” he agreed, the sureness in his tone faltering a bit. Why? Did it matter to him too somehow? Ignore. Whatever. Move on.

“Number eight: no jealous behavior,” you added, scrolling onto the next one when you heard him pipe up. 

“Does that include the girl at the counter tonight?” 

You felt caught. But why? It hadn’t been jealousy. You’d just been annoyed. “That was just me being plain irritated with her lack of professionalism,” you clarified plainly. Your tone said to drop it. 

“Okay,” he smirked, sniffling with a laugh. “Got it. You’re just an extreme professional. Alright.”

You rolled your eyes. “I am. And it was just annoying for her to be like that.”

“Why?” He poked. 

You scoffed with a small huff. Motioning to the counter for emphasis, “She wasn’t doing her job.”

He continued laughing under his breath. 

“Do you want me to continue or not?”

“Yes,” he relented with a tip of his head. “Last one?” 

“Last one,” you confirmed. “Number nine: if one of us wants to end whatever the fuck this is, the other one has to be okay with it. No questions,” You expanded, “There is nothing tying us to each other, so there is no need to fight it if one of us decides to move on.”

He seemed to sit on that one for a bit, his stare boring into the floor. His thumb and index, stroking his chin, as if in deep thought.

“Order up!” The guy from before was back, sliding two trays your way. One piled with several opened beer bottles and the other, filled with steaming food in red baskets. 

Jake suddenly came to, shaking his head and finally looking up. He took the one with the alcohol. 

“This one is heavier,” he glanced over at you. He used his elbow to point at the other. “You grab that one.”

He went to move, but you put a hand on his arm to stop him from going anywhere. 

Looking down in your direction, his eyes were dark with a secret emotion. 

You really wished you could read him better. Every time you thought you could, he would throw you another curve ball of confusion.

“You had a response for everything else,” you pinned him there. “What’s your opinion on the last one?” You used your eyes to show him you were desperate for him to say something. “I want to know what you think.”

He stared at you for several moments, his eyes studying yours. You could have been completely naked and felt less vulnerable than you did at this moment.

Finally, his lips made a tight smile and he responded. “Like I said before: I’ll take what I can get,” he looked down at the beer, finally lifting it off the counter. You followed his lead with your tray, glad to get a response. But you stopped as he did, turned from the counter. He held you in place with his amber-brown eyes. “I just hope whatever the fuck this is doesn’t end anytime soon.”

All you could do was nod, feeling completely conflicted in every way at that moment. 

You had to repeat to yourself that the rules were for a reason. You had to have them to stay in line. Keep things strictly what they were. A relationship was a bad idea. What you had was all you needed. 

Right?

You felt completely torn. Because, all you wanted to say in response was, 

“I never want it to end.”

But you didn’t. You weren’t about to completely contradict yourself with that. You only nodded once more, and started walking, leading the two of you back to the group. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You never ended up finding any more time to be alone at the bowling alley. 

It was terrible, having to watch him from a distance all night. . . Wanting him more than anything. You felt fully ready to dive head first into this with him. You’d had an actual discussion about it. It felt more real now. 

Whatever the fuck you were to each other. . . It had been firmly placed today with your talk. With the rules.  

Now all you had to do was tie a nice bow on it. 

Consummate the fuckin’ rules.

So, when Elsie told you she had to go see your grandparents before she met you back at the apartment, you let her go. 

Josh had offered to drive her, leaving your car available for you and Jake.

And as you walked to the car, you had a gut feeling you wouldn’t be making it back to the apartment anytime soon.

-🌼🌼🌼-

And about fifteen minutes later confirmed that. Pulled over in an area covered by trees, just off the highway, nearing the apartment. 

But neither of you could have waited if you tried. 

He had you on his lap, your halter top undone, tits out and bouncing as he pounded up into you.

Your pants were down just far enough for you to ride his cock, where he sat in the passenger seat. 

The car had been left on, as you didn’t want it to get so steamy that you’d possibly draw attention. 

And the cool air was causing your skin to prickle, your nipples hard from the chilliness of the A/C. 

You almost brought your shirt back up to cover them when Jake stopped you momentarily, bucking his hips up into you for emphasis. You yelped at the feeling of him pressing at your spot. . . just right. 

“Fuck, Jake,” you moaned, you tried lifting your top back up when he reached a hand up to cover yours, pulling the material back down. 

“No,” he panted, his eyes connecting with yours. 

You wrinkled your brows. “Yes. I’m cold,” you corrected, the last word containing a weird lilt as the head of his dick met your cervix again. “Shit!”

“I’ll keep you warm, then.”

And within seconds, he had his mouth on one hardened peak and the other breast was being massaged by his strong, calloused hand. 

You threw your head back in pleasure, sighing loudly with a whimper that quickly changed into a deep moan. Nipple stimulation—and just boob-play in general. . . It was your kryptonite. Fuck. 

He released his mouth from your breast, giving the taut skin one more swirl from his tongue. But he paused above the other breast, a smirk on his features as he met your hooded gaze. “You like it when I play with your tits?”

You were too dazed by your lust to be annoyed with his slightly cocky attitude. “Yes. It’s my fucking krypto,” you sighed, pulling your hips up, and then sinking back down onto him slowly. He groaned as you did it a few more times. Now it was your turn to smirk. “Do you like it when I do this?” You rolled your hips down, molding your wetness to his thick shaft once more with the word. 

He inhaled deeply, biting his lip. He grasped your hips to make you do it again. “Fuck yeah I do.”

Except with his action, he brought you down harder and your toes curled at the delicious friction against your hidden spot. He held your hip as you kept your body moving on him, but he switched one hand to massage your throbbing clit. 

You sucked in a breath. “Oh,” you whined. “Yeah, that’s it. Fuck,” you sighed, pushing into his finger, desperate to feel every harsh line of the callous in the thumb that toyed with you. You wrapped an arm around his neck for leverage, tangling a hand in his hair, and leaned further into the motion. 

Then, his right hand, that’d been holding your hip, left you to pull the seat lever, reclining the seat all the way back. You gasped as the chair’s movement made your thighs fall open more, gaining him even further access. The head of his dick took its rightful place at the furthest edge of your pussy. 

The sudden change had your eyes rolling back into your head. 

“I needed to feel you like I wanted,” he grunted, both hands finding your hips again. He squeezed the flesh at your hips before gently running his hands, as if admiring your curves, up to your waist. Then, further they went, up to your rib cage. You looked down at his face as you rolled your hips down onto him, causing both of you to shiver with a moan. “Fuck, y/n.”

He wasn’t looking at your face, he was watching in the darkness of the car, as your bodies moved together. You were in perfect rhythm, his hips meeting your tempo with every thrust you’d offer. 

But you wanted him to look at you. You were desperate for his gaze. 

“Jake,” you panted, driving your center against him. “Look at me.”

Jake did as he was told, instantly finding your eyes. He reached a hand up to hold your face, his gaze gentle. You loved his fucking eyes. Even in the natural blue of night that fell over you, you were still able to fall so easily into them. They were so deep, so true. . . never hiding any emotion from you. You wanted to use them as a window to explore him. 

Before you could explore your thoughts any further, his pointer and middle fingers were entering his mouth. You watched, entranced, as he sucked on them long enough to get them wet and ready. And when the fingers found your sensitive clit, you couldn’t contain the whine that escaped your lips. 

“Shit—fuck,” you gasped, mouth falling open as he played you like an instrument. He nudged at the hardened bud like he was making a beautiful melody, and you watched as his eyebrows drew in with the same concentration he gave a guitar solo. Your hips jerked against him of their own volition, needy for more. But you were nearing your end. You could feel it curling in your belly as he paid attention to the side of your pulsing clit. Then it was approaching faster—your movements were erratic, your body craving every piece of his it could get. “Jake—.”

“I know, baby,” he soothed, his own pelvis bucking furiously. “I’m close—you just feel so damn good. Shit.”

And before you knew it, the vibrations were reverberating through you after one particular shift from him. Your body shivered, every nerve in your body, absolutely electric. You felt your walls fluttering furiously around him, but as soon as you registered it happening, he was pulling out of you and finishing against your exposed stomach. 

“Dammit,” he hissed. Your eyes darted down to his dick as he removed it from you hastily, making sure to point it away from your center and directly at your tummy. 

You watched the release drip down your stomach, and into your belly button. But before you could watch much more of it, he was stretching his shirt to help clean your skin. 

Seconds later, both of you were still breathing heavily, bodies coming down from the high. He was looking at the mess of your stomach and you were watching him. His hair was sticking to his forehead, and you couldn’t help it when you went to push some of it away and behind his ear. 

His dark brown eyes found yours, a small, sweet grin fitting to his full lips. And, in that moment, you realized you felt genuinely happy for the first time in a very long time. 

After a few more of the shuddering breaths, 

your heart leaping in your chest at the twinkle in his eyes, you jumped at the telling sound of your sister’s ringtone. 

You quickly pulled your pants back up, and re-situated yourself until you were fully put back together. Jake did the same below you, both moving your bodies to accommodate for the other. 

Once your pants were done, you reached a hand to fully grasp the ties for the halter top to tie it back together. But just before you could re-tie it around your neck, he moved your hair to the side of your throat so you’d have easier access. 

Hurriedly, you finished the job, and as you did so, Jake grabbed your phone for you from the dashboard. Your heart started beating frantically in your chest at the thought of him answering Elsie’s call and her possibly being with Josh and exposing the two of you. 

Or the good chance that Elsie would slip up and say something sly to Jake. 

“Don’t fucking answer it!” You snapped at him. 

His lips turned down, his eyes losing the sparkle, and filling with fire instead. “I wasn’t going to,” he bit back. “Just being fucking kind.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, and grabbed it from him. 

Crawling over the console back into the driver’s seat, you answered your sister. You tried your best to mask being out of breath from the hustle as you buckled your belt. 

“‘Sup, Els?” You swallowed down a fast breath. 

“Fuck, y/n. I got back to the apartment and neither of you were here,” she replied, her voice wracked with nerves. “I tried texting you and you didn’t answer. I was worried about you.” 

You blanched at that, your skin flushing. “I didn’t get a text,” you said back, your voice lilting at the end, in question. You would’ve heard it. . .had you been that lost in the moment? That you hadn’t even heard your phone chime?

When you pulled the phone away from your ear, you noticed a total of eleven texts waiting on your Home Screen from her. 

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yep,” she sassed at you. “Where are you?!”

Frantically, you tried to find a good excuse. But you couldn’t think of anything. You really didn’t care for Elsie to know, but talking about it in front of Jake would show him you’re telling her, which would completely conflict with the rules you put in place. 

Crap.

You stared out the windshield, your eyes shutting as though in resolution to having to expose yourself, right there in front of Jake. 

Why couldn’t you think of something?! 

A hand came to lightly touch your thigh, and you looked over to see Jake, a reassuring look in his stare. 

“Tell her I forgot something important for my guitar at the venue,” he whispered, so quiet, his tone understanding. 

Your face must’ve said ‘how did you know?!’ 

Because then he hushed, “Your volume is all the way fucking up. I’m sure if I were across the street I’d be able to hear it.”

You blushed, looking away from him, out into the night sky again. He removed his hand from your thigh, and you instantly missed it. 

“Jake had to go to the venue for a guitar part he forgot,” you lied, turning your volume down a few notches. “And I got lost finding my way there. It was a fucking mess.”

“Of course you lost yourself,” she responded, impatient. “Just get home. I’ve always been kind of scared to be here by myself.”

“Oh my god. You’re fine,” you responded, putting the car in gear. “We’re on our way.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Jake’s POV

Life was at its fucking pinnacle— the best it had been for the first time in years. 

Everything that was happening felt aligned in the stars. 

The band was doing fuckin’ fantastic. Every single gig we performed at drew more and more eyes—both fans and otherwise. 

And apparently, even more than that. . . We recently found out that a few producers had been lurking (presumably looking for the right time to bite). The manager we’d picked up had also recently been contacted by a guy connected to this big festival that was happening in August. He’d made it extremely clear that he needed us to agree before he’d even finished pitching the idea. 

“You guys don’t want to miss this opportunity,” he’d excitedly shared, his voice loud and grainy through the speaker as the four of us had listened. “It is a once in a fuckin’ lifetime, boys.”

So, there was all of that. The fact that my dreams seemed to finally be coming true was an exhilarating and unbelievable experience.

It was crazy how all it had taken was one move. The move. The move I had needed to make for the past several years, but had been too afraid of. I’d felt trapped in Illinois. Stuck under someone else’s thumb, stuck with someone I’d stopped loving a long time before I left. 

Meanwhile, the woman had been cheating on me for God knows how long. If I let myself think back on all of it, I’d realize that she was never trustworthy. I’d just fallen in love too young— oblivious to the ways someone could be so horrible.

After her, I swore I would never feel about another woman so deeply. I didn’t want to. She’d ruined it for me. And I was validated even more when Josh told me I needed to take a break from women. 

But I didn’t want a break. I just wanted to be done. No more relationships. Mindless fucking with random women was exactly what I thought I wanted. 

My ex had completely destroyed any desire I could possibly have for a relationship. Fuck relationships. Fuck love. Fuck it all.

Then I met y/n. 

She’d turned it all around with one look into her breathtaking eyes. 

It caught me completely off guard. I’d tried my damndest to reject it.

And even after all of the shit I put her through (due to me acting like a giant ass, stubborn baby), she still wanted me.

But not like I wanted her.

I wanted it all. I didn’t want just mindless sex with her. Even though Josh had adamantly instructed me to “take a fucking break”, I had resolved that I couldn’t convince myself I wanted that when it came to her. Because I wanted her. Bad. In every way. 

There was just something about her that was so fucking addictive. She was easily the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on, she loved music like I did, she was easy to talk to about anything (matching me perfectly in every conversation—or argument—we had), and she wore her heart on her sleeve (even though I knew she didn’t think so). She was endearing. 

Then there was the giant shroud of mystery around her. So many pieces to her puzzle I could tell she was hiding that I wanted to put together. 

But she didn’t want me to. She didn’t want me in every way. 

No. She just wanted sex. Sex with rules, at that. 

And at first, I didn't want to agree to any of the rules. I didn’t want rules—I knew what I wanted. I’d planned on it starting as sex and turning into more. You know, a natural flow of things. 

But her rules had made it apparent she didn’t want that. At all. So, I’d decided that the best way to have her was to have her however I could. 

So, if she just wanted sex, that’s what I’d give her.

Even though I wanted to give her all of me.

I never thought I’d want that with a woman again, but she’d proven me so, very wrong. . . no matter how hard I’d wanted to deny it. And I didn’t want it with just any woman. I wanted it with her. 

Though in spite of the relationship with her not being everything I wanted it to be, it gave me a special piece of her that I held so close. 

Sex with her was the most electrifying thing I’d ever experienced. More than the sex had ever been with any other woman. 

And even crazier: it was more compelling than playing the guitar. 

Fucking nuts—I’d never met a woman that had trumped the act of playing guitar. . .

But y/n had done just that. 

So, even though it wasn’t what I wanted in my heart, I knew I wanted her. Everything she was and is. Everything that came with her. 

But, if this was all I could get, it would have to do. It was better than not having her at all.

Having her in my arms, my dick filling her perfect pussy. . .it was the best part of my life at the moment. More so than the band. The festival. The fans. 

I still loved guitar more than a person should. . 

But. . .I loved being with her more than that. 

There was nothing in the world like watching her unfold at the work of my hands, or my mouth, or my cock. The way her body would tense, her head thrown back, a scrunched brow. . . And the whines she’d emit. . . 

I wished my guitar could make such a beautiful sound. 

And the way she’d squeeze around me, engulfed in her perfect, wet heat. So tight, warm, and smooth like velvet. . . Fuck. 

In my heart, though, I secretly hoped it would all change. That she’d decide to make it more. 

I wouldn’t ever push it. She mattered too much to me for me to do that to her. I didn’t want to make her feel like she needed to be more with me if she didn’t want it. . .I just wanted her to want me like I did, her.

But, for the time being, until some sort of magic happened and she changed her mind, I would take what I could get. 

Because, moments like the one I was in right now— her quivering and panting on top of me. Her sweaty tits, pressed against my thighs as her round, soft ass was flush against my equally sweaty abdomen. 

I could feel every bit of her dripping pussy, fluttering around me. It was still slick from my mouth and how well I’d made her cum just minutes prior. 

It felt so damn good and I was fucking loving every second of it. She fit my dick like a glove. 

“Damn, baby,” I sighed, grunting with a thrust against her. When she squeaked with a moan, I knew that I’d hit a special spot. “You like that?”

I did it again, just to hear the noise she made for a second time. She constricted around me and my cock pulsed, suddenly feeling very close. Shit. 

“Fuuuck,” she whined, her back arching. I held the curve of her ass in one hand, massaging the supple flesh with a thumb as I held her hip.

With another push of my hips, I met her sensitive spot one last time, eliciting a surprised whine from her. 

I flipped us around, removing her from me, and turned her. When she sank back down, she was facing towards me, once again riding my throbbing cock. 

But this view was better. Seeing her blissed out expressions as we fucked was amazing.

And when her tits bounced in my face, so round, full and sometimes already marked from my mouth, I had to try my hardest to not jizz right on the spot. 

In moments just like these, I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward to lick a hardened nipple into my mouth. I licked around her areola, appreciating every ripple and curve of the sensitive flesh. I pointed my tongue, and nudged at the bud, just like I knew she liked. I did so to each breast, knowing it would be sure to send her spiraling and wanting that from her.

And before long, I felt her walls start contracting around me. I leaned back, knowing she was close and needing to see her finish. 

She looked down at me as she continued bouncing on top of me, her mouth opened just the slightest bit as she moaned at the angle. She relaxed her hips and flattened the inside of her thighs against the tops of mine. 

“Fuck,” I sighed, enjoying the way I could feel every damn inch of her. 

Though, I couldn’t help taking the reins for a moment to see her unfold in this position. Seeing her like this, letting the sun reflect off of her skin, beads of sweat glistening on her smooth skin. I had to let my lips find her shoulder as she rocked closer to me, and I kissed some of the sweet exertion off of her shaking body. 

And when I leaned up, my body filled hers to the point of her throwing her head back with a loud moan. She came back to, immediately finding my eyes to look at me. A secret smile was on her face. I reciprocated it, letting the quiet moment drown everything else out. 

But I snapped my eyes away from hers when she glanced between our bodies, mouth hanging open as she did so. I looked down, enjoying the entire view of her soft body. The movement of her hips, swaying steadily as she straddled me. . .completely mesmerizing. 

When I looked back up, she was waiting for me. I found her gaze, and tried my best to memorize every fleck of color in her eyes, glowing in the fading sunlight from the day. The sunset complimented her, making her look like the most magnificent piece of artwork. 

Fuck any other so-called famous painting. . .

Y/n put them all to utter shame. 

Her eyebrows dipped in, and she kept eye contact with me. I circled my hips, feeling the way her soaking walls enveloped me. Then, I pounded up into her, savoring what I could do from my position below her. She tightened deliciously around me, constricting me in the most immaculate way.

She whined and whimpered, the sound like music to my ears. And I couldn’t help but echo the sound as I felt her release drip down onto me. Her soft body was tense as she finished. She was so tight and warm around me. . .shit.

Enveloped in ecstasy, she threw her head back as she rode out her orgasm on top of me. Even though I couldn’t see her face, I appreciated what I could see. I watched her hips, still rocking against me. The view of her fresh, sweet cum on my dick made me bite my lip.

I knew I was on the verge of release, and no matter how badly I wanted to paint her walls, I pulled out. (I wasn’t ever going to do that to her. She didn’t want it, and I wasn’t about to do it if it wasn’t what she wanted.)

When I pulled myself out of her, I took a brief moment to grab her by the hips and lay her on her back. 

Her breasts were round and soft, nipples erect and begging to be covered with my climax from their home on her wet chest. 

And as I jerked myself onto them, feeling immediate relief as I came, I briefly glanced up at her face to see her watching the entrancing sight with me. 

“Like what you see?” I said, panting with one final pull of my hand against my cock, letting every last bit of me drain onto her. 

And as I let go of myself, sighing with exhaustion, I grabbed my shirt from next to her head to wipe her chest clean. She gave me a fucked-out grin. Humming an affirmation to my question, she softly nodded her head with a yawn. Her eyes fluttered closed as she curled up on my bed, her hair fanned out on the pillow. I pulled the sheets and comforter up to rest over her arms, and the smile she sent me as I did so made my heart leap in my chest. 

Dammit, she was a fuckin’ dream.

I got up to take a quick shower before the show we had tonight, leaving her to rest in my sheets. She was far too precious to disturb. 

I loved the fact that she felt comfortable enough to do that; stay in my bed. 

I knew she’d end up coming to the show tonight, and I was hoping her resting now would help her to feel fully awake to be a part of it with me.

She’d been consistent for the past couple of weeks with coming to every single show. I couldn’t help but notice that this whole fuck buddy thing had her wanting to be a part of my life more than before.

Our secret, somehow drawing us closer.

The nagging voice in my head kept reminding me that Josh was there, too, so it was possible it wasn’t all for me. . .but I also knew better and usually told the voice to shut the fuck up.

I wanted to enjoy myself—let myself be happy with her being there and not let pessimistic thoughts get in the way. 

It was fucking fantastic when I’d perform, and I’d simultaneously know that she was out there, enjoying every second of it with me. I would never say it to her for fear of freaking her out, but . . .

She was my favorite fan to entertain. The best smile in the crowd for me to look out and see. 

Anytime she was there, I knew for a goddamned fact I performed better. She was my lucky charm. 

End of Jake’s POV

-🌼🌼🌼-

The rest of July and beginning of August were chock-full of the following: finishing your summer course, working almost double time to make up for Josh’s weird hours. . .and most importantly: fucking Jake Kiszka.

All of the time, as a matter of fact. It had become an almost-daily thing. And you weren’t about to let it change. 

Because fuck was it the best sex you’d ever had. Jesus Christ. 

You were fine with it being strictly sex. It was good for both of you. He was able to stay focused on his career, and you weren't at risk of getting hurt by him, or distracted from school. It kept lines very clear and thick. Never giving any kind of idea that it could become more. You’d have sex, then go about life like normal. In front of your friends, neither of you ever let anything look even slightly amiss— except for one thing you were sure they’d noticed. 

Your relationship had changed from before. . . Friendship, making its grand entrance. 

Having sex with Jake had, obviously, given you both several more opportunities to learn each other and bond. . . It had been impossible to not become friends. Being friendly to each other, including in front of everyone else was now the norm, and you really fucking liked it. 

Being friends with Jake was honestly great. He wasn’t constantly on the defense anymore. Instead, hopping to your defense a few times. 

Whether it be snapping at Sam for making a sideways comment he hadn’t thought of before he’d said it. Or the rando guy at the bowling alley who’d sized you up. 

You’d never vocalize the way it would make your tummy flip or the way you’d think about it later when you’d fuck him nice and slow. . . The idea of him defending you, making your heart and body do funny things. 

It was just nice to have a good friend. 

And it was even more nice knowing you’d, more likely than not, end up in his bed at the end of each day.

But, of course, not letting yourself fall asleep in there as that would definitely blur the nice, comforting, dark lines that’d been drawn.

What you weren’t about to admit was how hard it was for you to leave him at night.

And how cold you’d feel, alone in your bed. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Quiet mornings with him might were the best and the worst. 

The ones where you’d sneak into his room, always finding him still-asleep. You’d wake him up by crawling under the covers and slipping the band of his briefs down. 

It had become so routine that it was like his cock would wait for you— already hard and the tip emitting the tiniest bit of precum. 

Sometimes you’d ride it to wake him up. But, you honestly preferred the other times. . . Where you would let your mouth envelop the crown of his dick, and then the entire shaft in slow, languid strokes of your tongue. 

And every time, to your pleasure, it didn’t take long for him to awaken. His tired eyes would open, finding you as he’d wipe the sleepiness from them. 

A soft smile, gracing his handsome features. 

Then, adding to your bliss, he would take control and fuck you until your toes would curl. The morning birds would chirp outside his window as you’d unravel at his hands, mouth, or thick cock. . . a most ideal start to your day. 

Then, when he’d finish, you never found yourself looking at his face. You weren’t sure why, but it intimidated the hell out of you to witness what he looked like when he would unfold. You were sure his features looked the most beautiful they possibly could. . . Even just envisioning the dip of his brow, his mouth falling open as he emptied onto your chest, stomach, or back. . . It felt too intimate.

So, instead, you’d listen to the little noises he’d make, and watch his pretty dick pulse as it would spurt onto your breasts or tummy. The warmth of his release, a surprisingly wonderful feeling on your bare skin.

But the worst part would be after. . .when he’d clean you off with such care. How, after you’d return from the bathroom to refresh, he would be waiting for you, the covers open and an arm, extended and waiting for you to curl into. You would naturally mold to his side, his arm strong as it would help you roll into him. Usually, you’d fall asleep, with your head on his chest and hear his steady heartbeat lull you to sleep. 

But, other times, like this morning, you’d sit your chin on top of your hand, resting on his chest. And you’d just. . . talk. 

His calloused fingertips would draw mindless shapes on your back and you’d get lost in his chocolate irises. 

“What’s your middle name?” He asked, his voice so relaxing in the gray quietness of his bedroom. 

You told him, and he got a little glint in his eye. His lips had perked, “That suits you,” he sighed, letting a few fingers curl in your hair. He studied the way his fingers looked in your hair as you watched his pupils dilate in watching the action. 

“What’s yours?” You’d wondered aloud. 

His eyes found yours again, his brow raising. “Thomas,” he lazily responded. 

“Suits you,” you repeated his line. Your eyes squinted with a giggle as he tickled your side just a bit. 

“Copycat,” he smiled. 

“It does fit you,” you confirmed, more seriously. “Jacob Thomas,” you said, trying the name on your lips.

You couldn’t help but catch how his eyes lit up at the sound. He bent his arm to perch his head up with his free arm, setting his head on the curve of his forearm. 

“I like the way it sounds coming from your mouth,” he murmured. 

“Say mine,” you requested. 

And, he did as you said. 

The grin that found its way to your mouth was unstoppable. You loved the way your name sounded with his velvety tone. 

You’d never heard it sound so pretty. 

For the next ten minutes, it went on like that. 

Just little bits and pieces of yourselves, getting shared with the other. Things that didn’t expose your hidden truths, but little surface-level things that helped in knowing the other better. 

And when you finally decided to get up and start your day, you stood next to each other as you brushed your teeth. It was sweet. And you felt close to him. You really, really liked it.

But what made it so bad was that you weren’t sure it was okay to feel so close to him. It wasn’t wise to let yourselves get so wrapped up in the other. . . But it felt too nice for the time being to put a stop to it.

You’d always convince yourself that friends did shit like that all the time. How else were you supposed to get to know someone? 

So, you let it happen under the guise that it was just friends getting acquainted with each other. 

It was just so intimate. . . And what it did to your heart was cruel. 

Those quiet moments tempted you, made you want more with him. More you already knew you couldn’t ever have. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Friends was still going on in the background when your eyes opened. All of the lights were still on, and your laptop was balanced on your blanket-covered thigh. 

And there was a giant crook in your neck from letting your head roll onto the back of the couch. 

You must’ve dozed off in the middle of writing a paper. 

Shouldn’t have had those couple glasses of wine. . ., you tiredly thought, going to snuggle back into the couch, in a more comfortable position.

But what caught you off guard was the hand rubbing your arm. The quiet voice, bringing you out of your daze. 

“Y/n,” Jake urged, his hand still smoothing up and down your arm. “Come on, babe. Wake up. Let’s get you to bed.”

You huffed, sleep pulling you back. “Don’t want sex right now. Tired.”

He chuckled, his hand still massaging your arm. Then, he was pushing you up to a full sitting position, your head felt dizzy. “I know,” he reassured, his voice calming you down. “I mean, you need to go to bed. Go to sleep.”

You blinked your eyes, squinting in the brightness of the room. “I need to finish my paper.”

“You’re too tired to do that,” he said. “You were out of it when I got back. Finish your paper tomorrow.”

You drooped your head in defeat. “Fine,” you conceded. It took a couple tries of standing up for you to realize you couldn’t do it on your own, and before you could try again, Jake was helping you. “Thanks, Jakey,” you mumbled. 

A few more guided steps to your bedroom found you sliding under your already-turned down sheets and down comforter. Jake helped your head find the pillow as you laid down to sleep.

 Just as you were about to let sleep totally take you, you jostled with a thought. “Stevie hasn’t eaten yet,” you sleepily fumbled with your covers to get up. 

Jake’s hand stopped your actions, “I already fed her,” he assured. “You go to sleep.”

“The TV and lights—.”

“I’ll turn them off,” he pulled the covers up to your chin. “Goodnight.”

Finally, you relented, and just seconds later, as you were about to fade into dreamland again, you stirred. 

Too cold. Too lonely.

“Jake?” You called. Not hearing a response, you called again. “Jake?!”

He came back, rushing in with a worried look on his face. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

You nestled back under your covers, relaxing knowing that he was near. Your eyes fell shut again. “Lonely,” you mumbled into the pillow. 

“What?” He crouched next to your bed, brushing his fingers through your hair. “You’re hungry?”

Irritated, you flicked your eyes open to give him a look. “Lonely.”

“Oh,” he leaned back a bit, his hand falling from your hair. At the motion stopping, you whined, shutting your eyes. He got the hint and started again. “What do you want me to do about that?”

“Lay with me.”

“That’s against the rule—.”

“Not if you just lay with me for a little bit,” you muttered, opening your lids to give him your best puppy dog eyes. “Just until I fall asleep.”

“And what if I accidentally fall asleep?”

“Worry about it in the morning,” you scooted over a little, opening the bed up for him. “Please?”

He sighed before saying, “I need to finish cleaning up real quick. I’ll be back.”

And when he came back, he’d changed into pajama pants, sans a shirt. You nuzzled into his solid chest, and let his breaths be your white noise to get you to sleep. 

It was the first night in weeks that you’d slept completely sound, not feeling any worries as you enjoyed a dreamless sleep.

-🌼🌼🌼-

He’d humored you a few times and went to the Black and Gold to look at vinyl with you on  days you both had time off.

You’d spend a bit of time browsing, and then take breaks to bicker with each other. Music was still where you occasionally butted heads, but it had turned into the kind of head butting that you enjoyed. 

It was a constant battle of challenging each other, and it gave you ample opportunity to defend the music you loved so much.

And more often than not these days . . . The little pokes and prods ended with you two conceding and giving the other person a chance. 

Usually, you’d leave the store with a new record in tow that the other had recommended. And then, you’d go home and enjoy the music together, giving it a chance. 

Then, normally, you’d end up bent over the couch as he railed you from behind, the records being the most incredible background noise to the moans and groans elicited between the two of you.

After that, the two of you spent and panting with his sweaty chest sticking to your equally sweaty back, you’d decide to order pizza and watch a few episodes of New Girl to finish the night.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“So, explain Baby Dragon.”

You giggled, just closing the K-Cup pod into the Keurig. “What?”

“Your nickname,” he affirmed, coming to stand with his butt pressed against the sink, arms crossed. His face was open, imploring out of mere curiosity. 

“They decided to call me that when we started binging Game of Thrones together.” 

He nodded. “I knew that part.” He continued, “But why?”

Humming, you took your coffee mug off the Keurig. You tapped your chin, holding the mug in the other hand. “Have you seen Game of Thrones?” 

“Yes,” he confirmed. “That shit’s right up my alley.”

“So, you know how the baby dragons are small, yet fierce?” You asked, taking a cautious sip of the hot drink. “The guys claimed I was super adorable and cute like them, too. Fuckin’ weirdos.”

It all clicked in his head, a smirk on his features as he nodded. “Duh, Jake,” he said to himself, shaking his head. “That makes so much sense. I don’t know why it didn’t click before.”

“To be fair, it could’ve meant a variety of things.”

He reached an arm above your head, getting his own K-cup and mug down from the cabinet and began his own brew as he eyed you up and down. 

“You are fierce,” he agreed. But then he took a hand to your hip, squeezing. “But not quite as small as the baby dragons,” he snaked his hand around to hold a handful of your ass. You felt yourself immediately twitch with need. He leaned down and kissed your lips, his breath fresh from his Crest toothpaste. Your tummy filled with warm fuzzies. “You’re curvier. In all the best fucking ways,” he pulled away and you instantly missed him. He grabbed his coffee off the machine and added sugar. 

You’d already started cracking some eggs for breakfast, as he went about getting the toast ready for you. 

He placed a strong hand on your stomach, and you leaned into his touch as you scrambled your eggs. You tipped your head back as he swooped your hair to the side to give you a quick kiss on the lips. 

Then, he was passing you as he made his way out and to the shower. But on his way out of the kitchen, he stopped to add, “And you’re way fuckin’ cuter.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

It was a steaming hot day in the middle of August when Sam proposed that everyone join him at this AirBnb he had booked. 

(It had been a classic, weird Sam thing to book the AirBnb. Literally just getting it to spend the weekend hooking up with a girl he’d recently met.)

About halfway through the day, the sun beating down on all of you, Josh proposed using the little bar off the side of the place. Sam, Daniel, and Sam’s ‘friend’ had heartily agreed. You had as well, and went to get out with everyone else. 

But then you heard Jake’s voice, and paused. 

“Y/n and I are enjoying the water too much. ‘S hot as fuck,” he had said it loud enough for everyone to give simultaneous ‘okay!’s’ in response. They were all hurriedly making their way to the mini bar, leaving you in the pool.

You’d stopped yourself, still partially out of the pool, halfway up the ladder. Looking back at him, questioning, you found he was blatantly staring at your mostly exposed ass, that was peeking just above the water. 

You squinted your eyes at him, as he lounged with his arms on the concrete edge of the pool. He was still sitting where he’d been last time you’d seen him. Sitting on a little ledge beneath the water. His sunglasses pushed down his nose a bit to expose his line of sight, burning into your ass. 

And when everyone was out of earshot, you spoke. “Like what you see, Kiszka?” 

His eyes snapped to yours when you’d spoken, a smirk gracing his dark features. “Fuck yeah I do,” he nodded his head at you once, signaling you to move. “Come over here.”

And without having to be told twice, you sunk back into the cool water, swimming over to meet him. Never breaking eye contact, you waded slowly and grabbed a noodle to rest your arms and breasts on as you floated over. 

He continued on as you got close. “Did you have to wear the tiniest swimsuit you own?”

You looked bashful, but your smile was flirty. “Oh, you think it’s too small? Should I get rid of it?”

When you were close enough, he reached out a hand to pull you into him by your pool noodle. 

He spoke softly in your ear. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare.”

Your skin blazed, you whispered in his exposed ear, his hair tucked behind it. “Why?”

He grabbed the noodle out from under your chest and threw it over the edge of the pool, landing with a flop on the pavement. And when he could, he grabbed you smoothly by your waist, into his crotch. 

And you were suddenly able to feel why. He was hard against you, making your legs weak and your pussy flutter. He was smug, his sunglasses still pushed down as you matched his stare and met his boldness by wrapping your legs around him. 

You used your new position to rock your hips into his, the pool waving out around you just a bit as you did so. 

“You better be careful,” he said softly, his grip going to your round ass, your bottoms leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. 

You tensed, gasping when you felt his fingers toy with the string of your bikini bottoms. 

“The more noise you make, the sooner they’ll come back,” he swiftly untied one of the strings, exposing you to the water. The coldness made you hiss through your teeth. “Mm,” he hummed. “Cold, baby? Let me warm you up.” 

A finger slipped inside of you and you had to bite your lip to hide the moan dying to leave your lips. You felt his finger slip in and out, in and out, getting closer to hitting your secret spot every time it would reenter. You wrapped an arm around his neck. “Your finger?” You asked haughtily, breathing heavy. “Was expecting mor—.”

You couldn’t hide the gasp as the one finger changed to two, plunging into you, his thumb drawing circles against your hard clit. “Better, princess?”

Changing from one arm around his neck to two, you thrusted into his fingers, rolling your hips to match his thumb on your clit. The water waved around you. Gripping his hair, you looked into his sunglasses, now pushed back up, his eyes blazing through the tinted lenses. Your body was shaking, but you weren’t going to cum like this. 

You knew what you wanted right now and it wasn’t his fingers. 

“Too scared to use your dick?” You challenged him.

He momentarily removed his fingers, roughly bringing you back to feel his thick, clothed shaft. Your bare folds pulsed at the feeling of him so close to you. You felt him twitch underneath you. 

“What’s stopping you, Jakey?” You reached one hand, one arm keeping your balance to thrust into him, to play with the hem of his black trunks. “Afraid they’ll see?”

He replaced his fingers in you again, flexing them once again, this time meeting your g-spot. You exhaled above him, your body tensing. “Are you?” He questioned, seeming to genuinely wonder. “You don’t want them to know. I'm just trying to respect your rules, sweetheart,” he used the nickname, but his tone was anything but sweet, dripping with sarcasm. 

You didn’t take the time to respond, stopping your movements briefly, and looking behind your shoulder to check if the coast was clear. You couldn’t even hear them anymore. They were gone for the time being. If you moved swiftly enough. . . 

He looked disappointed for a second, but you couldn’t see what else his face did as you acted on your quick, risky idea, holding your nose to plunge underwater and pull his bottoms down, his hips moving up immediately to help you. You took no time to sink your wet mouth over his smooth cock. It wasn’t as heavy as you were used to on your tongue, the water helping with some sort of anti-gravity shit. 

There was a hand in your hair, pushing you down onto him. You knew he’d like it. Keeping your nose pinched, you reached the other hand, slowly through the water, to wrap at his base, squeezing him. Your tongue licked long stripes on the underside of his dick, savoring it and meeting his head every time you squeezed him with your hand. 

But you didn’t keep that way for long, needing to breathe. You pulled his bottoms almost all the way back up, but left his dick out. When you re-emerged, smoothing your hair back, you took a good look at his face, seeing his mouth hanging open. 

Ha, gotcha, you thought, deviously. Just you wait, baby.

When you came back to him you took zero time as you reached below the water to find his length. You positioned yourself over it, quickly sinking onto him, ready to get this over with before people came back. But as your walls fluttered around him, you wished you were alone. 

He felt so damn good. Fuck. 

You wiggled your hips, the smallest whine escaping your lips at how well he filled you up. This caused his head to roll to the side the slightest bit, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Feel good?” You teased, rocking your hips on top of his thick cock. “We’ve gotta make this quick, so help a girl out.”

You shouldn’t have said anything, because as soon as the words left your mouth, he was grasping your hips, leveling himself to slam up into you. 

The loud moan that left your mouth was unavoidable, and you clasped a hand over your mouth to keep your noises hushed. 

He raised his hips as forcefully as he could with the weight of the water, lifting you up and down a few times, and you matched him with measured rolls of your hips. 

Without any warning, he pulled a triangle of your swim top to the side to see a tit as they bounced with each thrust. He leaned forward a bit, licking a circle around your nipple and then grasped your boob in his strong hand as he pumped with merciless rhythm into you. 

“Fuck,” you moaned through your hand. Your breast was still tingling from where he licked it. But now you had the friction from his palm against your nipple, combined with his movements. . . And it was too much. You removed your hand, leaning to whisper in his ear. “More, Jake.”

And, without relenting even a bit, he started giving you exactly what you asked for. It was slightly painful, but it was what you needed at that moment. 

You started groaning into his ear, feeling his thickness slide smoothly within you. Sensing your need, he slipped a thumb between you to rub even circles against your bundle of nerves. The steady circles, along with the erratic thrusts of his dick into you, sent you spiraling, quick. 

Knowing you well, he pushed your mouth into his sweat-drenched neck. Your tongue found the saltiness of his skin, kissing his neck to mask the noises that left you, your legs quivering as you finished. 

Just as soon, he was pulling himself out of you, and lifting his bottoms back up to cum behind the black material. 

You dunked beneath the water to cool off, and to your happy surprise, he joined you, his sunglasses off. Looking into his eyes for as long as you could, you sent him a little grin, going to lift back up. But before you could, he grabbed you swiftly behind your neck and met your lips underwater. 

As soon as you parted, you were rising back up, pushing your hair back as he placed his sunglasses over his eyes again.

And, as if on cue, you heard feet scuttling back to the pool just as you were adjusting your top and re-tying your bottoms above water. 

“Drinks!” Josh sang to you both. He handed both you and Jake your respective beverages. You sipped yours, and Jake took a healthy swig of beer as soon as they were placed in your hands. 

“This is fucking delicious,” you commented. “What is it?”

“Pineapple Upside Down,” Sam’s girl-thing responded, sipping her own. 

You hummed, nodding. 

Taking another drink, you went to sit it down on the pool when Danny piped up. “Whatever the hell you guys were playing while we were gone. . . We’re in.” 

You went silent, not even daring to look over at Jake. Though, you could hear as he started choking on his drink. 

“So much splashing!” Sam added. “It sounded fun!”

“Sunken Treasure, I’m sure,” Josh chimed in, grabbing the sinking stick from the ledge next to his long-haired twin. “You guys know Jake loves that game.”

The other two gave sounds of agreement. Your belly flipped.

Letting yourself look over at Jake, he was looking at Josh, nodding, trying his best to look convincing. “Hell yeah,” he piped up. “It’ll be more fun with more people though.”

“Well then. . .let’s play!” Josh yelled, excited. His new curls, sopping wet and sticking to his forehead as he threw the stick into the water.

Before you started playing, you sent a secret glance to your roommate, who was already smirking over at you. 

Your cheeks heated, getting a thrill at how oblivious all of your friends were to what you had truly been “playing.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

You were with Theo at a coffee shop, studying for the final in your summer course, when the first email came in. 

The first email that signaled the end of summer. The usual “Welcome Back!” email which included too many campus announcements and upcoming events. . . 

Your heart sunk when you saw it come in. 

Deep in your gut, you knew that this was what you’d been dreading since starting things with Jake. 

Real life getting in the way of summer and the fun you’d been having with Jake. 

You didn’t know why, but this email seemed to scream at you that you needed to get your shit together. 

And, as hard as it was, you were going to try your damndest to ignore the voice in your head for the time being. It was the same aggravating, pessimistic voice that bothered you consistently by speaking so-called reason into your life. 

(The same, familiar one that’d looked out for you as you’d grieved your mother leaving you as a little girl.)

This time, it felt as though the voice was also telling you that when school started, it would be time to cut things off with Jake. 

It’s not a smart decision to start your senior year distracted, y/n, it chided.

But you didn’t want to listen to that fucking voice. 

Not yet. 

Summer wasn’t over. And you weren’t about to let the damned nagging voice end your fun (and newfound, genuine happiness) too soon.  

-🌼🌼🌼-

You came home from studying, close to tears. It was ridiculous. There was no reason to be so sad about all of this ending. It was literally just sex. You could get it elsewhere.

But I don’t want it elsewhere, you thought. I only want it with Jake. Fuck. Why?

If you thought about it long enough, you’d let yourself see why. But you weren’t about to do that. Hell no. 

To your surprise, while you were feeding Stevie, you felt a tear hit your hand. 

You groaned, wiping furiously under your eyes, pressing your palms to your heated cheeks. “Stupid,” you told yourself, hearing your voice was thick with tears. 

Just as you felt another tear leave your eye, the front door opened. 

You tried to turn before Jake could see you, but Stevie came up to your leg, purring to comfort you before you could. Shit. 

“Y/n?” He said, placing a comforting hand on your back. Hesitantly, you looked up at him through your tears. Why were you crying so fucking much? “You okay, baby?”

The pet name was the final straw, and instead of it making you angry with him that he’d said it, it sent you curling into his arms. 

Letting your tears soak his shirt, you cried out of ridiculous sadness that you’d have to say goodbye to this thing you had with him soon. Too soon.

You couldn’t keep it. You would never let whatever this was distract either of your paths. And you knew eventually it would. Better to end it before that ever happened.

But not yet.

And, as always, you were set on it not being something to lose your best friend over. If Josh were to find out of it happening, you knew his trust would be completely betrayed.

This wasn’t something that was meant to last. You’d known that from the beginning. So why was it feeling so hard to face right now?

Because you’re finally feeling true happiness and trust with someone new—someone special— for the first time in years, the sweet, comforting voice in your head spoke. Because he is something special and you know it.

You continued to feel Jake, running his fingers through your hair, rubbing your back in comforting strokes. “Shhh,” he soothed. You raised your head from his chest and he used his thumbs to wipe away the excess tears. When eventually you’d caught your breath, he asked. “What happened?”

Looking up at him, you found his brow furrowed in concern. You couldn’t fully tell him what you were actually upset about. Absolutely not. 

Moving away from him the slightest bit to gain your bearings, you sniffed a few times. “Just intimidated by what’s to come, I guess,” you said, not lying. Just not giving the whole truth. “Not ready for life to change with senior year and stuff.”

He lifted his lips in a reassuring grin, his eyes full of empathy for your current state. “I get that,” he said, his raspy voice ever-soothing. He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, smoothing your cheek in the process. “But surely it won’t be too bad, right?”

You had to bite your lip to keep another sob from breaking loose. Sniffing the tears back, you nodded, slapping a fake smile on your face. “Yeah. Not too bad.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: as the saying goes, good things don't always last forever. . . next chapter will bring some changes for our precious y/n and jake . . . what do you think those changes will be?

please, as always, don't hesitate to reach out! i love, love, love hearing from you all! your feedback means the world to me &lt;3

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& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)

JAKE POV

“It’s alright, Y/N. Just breathe. We’re fine.” You squeezed her hand, white knuckled on the armrest as the plane shook and rumbled, hitting some of the worst turbulence you’d ever experienced. A quick glance to her face let you know she wasn’t alright, her eyes pinched closed hard, biting her lips between her teeth. She was breathing hard and deep, the fear of flying only amplified when shit like this happened. 

You were a little worried yourself, the turbulence lasting longer than normal. You rolled your fingertips over her hand, coaxing her down. “It’s raining babe, and this plane is tiny. We don’t have much more to go…” 

The lights flickered in the cabin a couple of times, making your stomach drop. You glanced to the stewardess, seeing her face looking unbothered, rerooting your confidence in the flight. 

“Hello everyone, this is the captain. Experiencing some turbulence this morning, but have no fear, we will be landing in Rio no less than ten minutes. Thank you.” Your Portuguese was choppy, but you at least made out ten minutes. 

“See babe? Landing in ten minutes. It’s okay.” You said calmly. Her eyes finally opened as the plane seemed to level out, only shaking a little bit now. Her hand released the arm rest, grabbing and holding yours tightly. She nodded, releasing a breath. 

As the plane landed smoothly and you began to deboard, your mind fiddled with how you’d been acting the past few days in Argentina, disconnected and detached, and probably at times downright rude. You made a strong effort to distance yourself from her when the plane landed that day, and now days later you found yourself on another plane, still questioning those same feelings. 

You knew Y/N had been doing her best at giving you space, sensing something was up, but you knew it was probably confusing her, making her wonder if you still wanted her. At first, after seeing the photo of her and Sam, yeah, you were pissed. Infuriated, actually. All the jealousy and pain you’d felt for weeks after they cheated all falling back into you like hot lava. Not to mention the fear and turmoil from knowing that Andy was photographing your house. 

But she had proven to you, time and time again, that she was sorry. The photo was nothing, just an ill-timed capture of a private moment between her and Sam. But why they were hugging in the first place, and why she had sorrowful tears running down her face…that’s what got you. And the fact that she said it wasn’t her business to tell. 

But you knew her. And you knew your brother. And you knew there was something big they weren’t telling you. 

The past few days had been fine, but sleeping in separate rooms really hurt. The empty, cold side of the bed making your heart clench every time you woke up without her there. Not holding her hand as much, not kissing her whenever you wanted, not loving her the way you truly did, and seeing the disdain on her face every time you turned her down. You weren’t only torturing her, you were torturing yourself. And for what? The feeling you had wasn’t explainable, it was just…strange, and you knew you couldn’t talk to her about it until you really knew what you were feeling.

Finally you were checking into your hotel, ready to sleep the day away before the show tomorrow. Even though it was a regular headlining show, you found yourself not as excited as normal, and you didn’t know why. Hoping maybe the normal feeling would hit when you heard the crowd. 

“Jake, your room key.” Richard said, handing you the card. 

“Thanks.” You shoved it in your back pocket as you pulled up on the suitcase handle, turning it to its wheels and following everyone to the elevator. 

The tone dinged to the 4th floor, as half of you departed. You followed behind Y/N, Josh, and Danny, rounding the corner to the hallway. 

“See you at dinner?” Y/N asked, her eyes sad and hollow. You nodded, placing your key card in the slot. “Oh, Jake?”

You glanced up to her, eyebrows raised. “Thanks for holding my hand on the plane. I still…don’t do flights well. I know you didn’t want to do that, so…thank you.”

You felt your heart drop. Of course you wanted to. “You’re welcome, babe. See you in a bit.” 

‘Babe’…here you were, captain of the emotional rollercoaster again. 

She closed her door first as you watched it slam, leaving you standing in the hallway, feeling lost in the back rooms of your own head. 

—

The nap that you’d taken was full of fast scenes, unrelaxed and jolting…memories replaying over and over while you tried to sleep. One second, curled up with Y/N on the couch at home, the next Andy’s hands around your throat. Lying on the picnic table on the Fourth of July with Y/N, making pinky promises only to be overtaken with made-up scenes of what Andy had probably done to her behind closed doors. When she was so scared and alone, making a decision that ultimately probably saved her life. 

“YOU took my life away, YOU did it, Jacob! Everything I ever loved, everything I had just created with her, you TOOK it from me! It’s only fair now…she took away what I loved, a baby that I never even knew about, now I’ll take away what you love…an eye for an eye…”

“Jake! We’re late for dinner! Let’s go!” Josh pounded on your door, waking you from the horrific nightmares that still felt real, and left you a sweating mess on your bed. 

“Fuck. Coming! Give me ten!” You yelled back, rubbing your eyes. 

“We don’t have ten! Let’s go!” He yelped. 

“I fell asleep, I’ll meet you down there. Just order me a whiskey neat and whatever you get.” You said, walking to the door to crack it open. 

“God damn, Jake. You okay? You look sick again.” Josh said. 

“Just fell asleep unexpectedly and had some lovely fuckin’ dreams. Now let me shower in peace, please. Whiskey neat.” You replied, shutting the door. 

You took the fastest shower you ever had, threw on some wrinkled clothes, sprayed yourself with Y/N’s favorite cologne, and put on your dark tinted sunglasses. 14 minutes. Not bad. 

—

“Let’s get a drink at the bar, eh?” Josh said, clapping his hands together after dinner. “First round on me, let’s go.”

“How about all rounds on you, Josh? Then I’ll be there.” Danny chimed in. 

“I’m not made of money Daniel what is this?” He barked as everyone paced down the hallway to the lobby, finding the hotel bar with ease. You watched as a few quiet fans pointed and snickered, but kept their distance. People always wondered why you wore sunglasses inside, this was why. No one could see you seeing them. 

You walked up behind Y/N sitting at the bar, her hair perfectly curled and pulled to the side. She had on a flowy black skirt and tight tank top, showing off her top half. You habitually let your fingers drift from her shoulders down her arms, resting at the crooks in her elbows, which you gently squeezed. 

She turned around slowly with her drink in her hand. “How many whiskeys did you have, Jacob? You haven’t touched me like that in days…” she spoke quietly, biting the end of her straw. 

“I don’t need alcohol to want to touch you, love.” You smiled, turning away again to grab another drink, this time something a bit less heavy. 

You stood sipping your beer and talking to Danny and Josh, still feeling a bit down on yourself. This strange feeling, you just couldn’t shake it. Suddenly, Sam was looking straight at you, making his way over. 

“Hey, wanna come smoke with me?” He asked, pulling a cigarette out of the pack with his lips. 

“Sam, you know I don’t smo-”

“Smoke with me, Jake.” He didn’t wait for you to answer, just turned and walked out the exit to the side deck of the bar. 

You followed him, reluctantly, and found him leaning against the railing, holding a lighter up to light his cigarette. You stood beside him, leaning over the railing too as you both looked out at the city, bustling with loud music and celebration. 

“Samba music…sounds great from up here.” He said quietly. “I got you something.” He pulled out a giant cigar, wrapped in shiny plastic. “Bought it at the airport, not sure how good it is, but I know you like fat, smelly cigars.”

You laughed through your nose. “I do like cigars, but they’re better when they’re lit with matches.”

Just then a tiny box was flying at your face. “That’s why I got you those, too.” 

“Ha ha, alright then.” You unwrapped the plastic wrapper and the box of matches, smelling the cigar first before sticking it between your teeth, licking the tobacco sticking out of the bottom. You struck the match, letting the sulfur flame create a cherry as you puffed. “Damn, not bad, actually. For an airport cigar.” You coughed a little, making sure not to inhale the smoke. “What’s the occasion?” You asked, leaning back on the railing. 

“I’m gonna ask her to marry me.” Sam blurted out, all the blood draining from your face at the news. 

“You what?” 

“Elle. I’m gonna ask her. Not now, but. Soon, when things slow down.” He finally looked to you, probably noticing that your face had gone stark white. “That’s what I was talking to Y/N about on the porch that night. I asked her for her blessing.”

Oh…fuck.

“Told her my intentions, and it made her cry, of course. Asked her for her blessing, since Elle’s dad isn’t here anymore. She’s like her sister. The next best thing.” He said. 

You puffed the cigar, finally realizing that you had been so, so wrong. 

“Damn.”

“Told her how important it was to me, for her to say I was good enough for Elle, and she did, Jake. She told me I was. That’s why we were hugging. That’s why she cried.” He went on.

You rubbed your hand over your face. All these days of worry, of feeling shitty, the distrust coming back, all for nothing. “Damnit, Sam I’m…I was so wrong. I’m sorry…I…And fuck, I could have blown it right there in front of Elle too, at breakfast. Shit…I am so sorry…” you didn’t even know where to begin. 

“Don’t be sorry, Jake. I’ve noticed you were off lately, noticed you guys weren’t as lovey dovey. I figured that was why, and she probably didn’t tell you what I said. Because she’s loyal as hell.” He laughed. “Well, she is now. Since she’s been working on…herself…”

You laughed too. “It makes sense now. I guess I may have…overreacted a bit. I’m just…still learning to trust her. To trust you, again.”

“And we get that. You have all the reason in the world to take your time with that. And we can’t take it back, and I’m still so sorry, brother. I hope you realize...” he paused, crushing out his cigarette. “But I asked you out here for another reason.”

You puffed again. “Ok, shoot.”

“How did you know? With Y/N? How did you know she was gonna be it for you?” He asked, his expression truly curious. 

You took a deep breath, finishing off your beer. “I’ve known since I was a teenager, Sam. That thought just doesn’t go away. Once you feel it once, with the right person, it doesn’t disappear, you know?”

He nodded. 

“Even after all these years, all the ups and downs and bullshit, even after what you two did…I still always go and fight for her. Always. Maybe I’m insane and crazy and blind but. When you find a love like that, that makes you feel every single emotion stronger than you’ve ever felt them before, you don’t stop fighting for it. Ever. Because you’ll never be able to recreate it. You might come close, create something else entirely with another person, but. You don’t let it go. Even if it kills you.”

It’s quiet between the two of you for a moment, as you try to piece together your words. 

“Do you have a favorite song to play? Something we… created from dust, that just feels so faultless every time we touch it that you can’t even explain it? It’s like muscle memory, it’s raw and natural and exciting…We play it so much it gets on your nerves, sometimes you hate it, get tired of it, wanna shelf it…but then everytime it comes back around you wonder why the hell you ever felt that way at all? And it still feels so perfect and innate coming from you, that you feel like you created magic?”

“Yeah, I do…” he whispered. 

“Kinda what it feels like to me. It’s not tangible, it’s just. There. It’s perfect every time.” You said, unable to find the right words. 

He nodded again. “I think that’s what I needed to hear.” 

You patted him on the shoulder. “Elle is perfect for you, Sammy. And you for her. I see it in you guys, we all do. You didn’t ask but, you have my blessing too.” You winked at him, passing back through the door. “Oh, thanks for the cigar.”

You walked back inside, standing at the end of the bar and hoping the bartender found you soon. Time for something strong again. Your head was spinning as you downed half the whiskey neat right off the bat…he’s gonna ask her to marry him? You were so wrong all along…here you were thinking that they had rekindled something, snuck behind your back again, and all he was doing was asking her blessing. 

Fuck, you’re such an idiot. And you can’t even take your own advice, you’re not even close to thinking about a serious proposal with Y/N, and Sam already has plans? Shit…maybe you weren’t as on top of your personal life as you thought you were. 

You downed the rest of the whiskey, feeling your eyes begin to get blurry. 

She doesn’t deserve this right now, I’ve been awful to her. Again. I’ve got to fix this. Start growing again. We’ve got to keep this train rolling…Show each other how strong we are. Need space…Got to keep building this foundation.

“Hey, you alright?” You felt Y/N’s hand on your arm, pulling you from your drunken stream of thoughts.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Actually getting a pretty bad headache from smoking that cigar Sam got me.” You slurred out. “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

You watched her face fall. “Oh, okay. You want me to walk you up?” her eyes still hopeful.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though.” You threw some money on the bar, waving to the bartender. You bent down and kissed her cheek, holding her hand for just a second while she looked at you with pain in her eyes. Fuck, Y/N. I’m trying babe…

“Love you, Y/N.” You said softly as you turned to head back to the lobby, your eyes stinging with tears. 

“Love you too, Jake…” she breathed into the empty space between you. The guilt suffocating you as the elevator doors shut.  

HER POV

Your alarm rouses you from your sleep with a groan, your hand reaching over to the nightstand to feel for your phone. Finding purchase, you silence the blaring tone and force your eyes open. As you roll to your side your hand reaches out to the cold empty space next to you, wishing it was warm. 

It had been days since he’d slept with you, touched you, kissed you like he meant it. Of course he still did, but there was something off about it. His heart wasn’t completely in it. In your mind nothing was really wrong, at least you didn’t think so. You could tell that the photo was still bothering him, taking up too much space in his mind. But you could also tell he was trying to work through it on his own. 

Knowing that it wasn’t your place to tell him what actually transpired, you hoped he would understand and accept that, but most of all you hoped he would trust you when you told him that nothing happened between the two of you. You gave him his space and he gave you yours and you hoped that he would come around, but after last night's rejection you were starting to feel uneasy. 

You pulled yourself up from the bed, taking a quick shower before making your way to each of the guys' doors to give them their morning wake up call; the one thing you retained from your old job. Danny was first, a muffled thank you ringing out from behind the wooden door, causing you to smile. Then came Josh, who opened the door promptly with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. 

“You’re always up. I feel like I don’t even need to knock anymore.” you laugh. 

“Yeah, but I’d be sad if you didn’t. Always happy to see your smiling face first thing in the morning.” he grins through the foam. “Oh hey! We need to fit a yoga session in, somewhere. Even just a tiny one.”

“Yes, you’re right. We will carve out a half hour or so. I’m so close to nailing tree pose.”

“Okay, on to the next, see you in a little bit.” you said, walking away as he shut the door. 

You knocked three times on Sam’s door, hearing Elle singing from behind the door as she unlocked it. “There she is…” she sang.

“Good morning, just making my rounds.” you said, peering in to see Sam lounging on the couch. “Gosh, everyone is up already, maybe I really don’t need to do this anymore.”

“No!” Sam shouted, “You have to! It...It would be bad luck if you didn’t now. Like tradition!” 

“Alright, alright, sheesh.” you laughed. “Okay, one more. I’ll see you downstairs.” you smiled, walking towards the other end of the hallway. 

You stepped up to Jake’s door, knocking twice and hearing a groan leave the other side of the door. He hated being woken up, that much you knew. But you also knew he would sleep the day away if you didn’t. His new habit of waking up early had slipped away recently…

You heard the door unlock as he pulled it open, letting you inside as he shut it behind you. You watched his boxer clad body crawl back into the bed, a tiny cough leaving his chest as he pulled the blankets back up over his shoulders. 

“Oh, are you not feeling well again?” you asked.

“I’m fine, just some residual. I am feeling a little hungover though and I need everyone to just leave me alone.” he answers. 

You walk over to sit on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on the smooth skin of his back, perfectly bronzed from the South American sun. 

He rolls away from your touch as he settles on his stomach, turning his face into the pillow with a groan. 

Oh, that includes you.

You pull your hand away to rest in your lap, swallowing nervously as you feel another pang of rejection wash over you. 

“Okay well, I just came to wake you up.” you pause, standing up from the bed and making your way to the door. “Guess I'll see you downstairs.”

When you’re met with no response you make your way back through the door and head back to your room, telling yourself he’s just hungover. Right?

—

The ride to the venue was similar, in which you tried to make conversation with Jake, but were met with the bare minimum. You didn’t even bother trying to touch him at this point, knowing that another rejection from him might kill you. You spent most of the ride talking to Elle, but your mind was swimming with what ifs. 

Thunder rumbled overhead as you stepped out of the van and made your way into the venue, navigating the long hallways until you found the green room. They had roughly five minutes until soundcheck was slated to start and as you turned on your radio and adjusted the wires, you felt something slide into your back pocket. You turned around to find Jake walking away through the double doors, looking at you over his shoulder. 

You pulled the torn piece of paper from your pocket seeing his messy scrawl. 

Nothin’ will ever change this love I have for you…

A gentle smile curled across your lips as you folded the paper and shoved it back into your pocket. You hear the sound of Sam’s piano start to ring through the hallways as soundcheck starts, and you hoped that after a little bit of musical release Jake would be in better spirits. It had been a few days since the last show in Buenos Aires, and you thought a few days off would do everyone some good, but maybe that wasn’t the case for Jake. Maybe he had to get back into his show headspace. As you make your way towards the stage you see Cat rolling the clothing rack of their show outfits towards the dressing room, glancing at you with a nervous smile. That was odd. 

Jake’s guitar begins to wail into the chorus of Built by Nations, which is what you know to be one of his favorites from the album. His face however, is a little more serious than usual, confirming your hopes of better spirits were probably for naught. He stared straight out into the empty seats, never once looking your way. 

Elle joins your side linking arms with you as you both listen to the rest of soundcheck, catching a few glances from Sam and Josh, but you notice the strong absence of Jake’s attention. Maybe he really was mad at you? But what about the note? You knew you had to get to the bottom of this, and fast, otherwise the new walls the two of you had built together would come crumbling down faster than you could fix them. 

—

The rest of the day was spent walking around the shops near the venue with Elle, grabbing coffee for the guys and bringing back food. The both of you noticed something was off with everyone after soundcheck, and decided to give them a bit of space. You returned later with the food, and a bottle of local Cachaça, hoping to lift their moods just a bit. 

Elle prepared the drinks as the rest of the guys ate, and as the special alcohol entered their systems, you did see a noticeable spike in their moods. Maybe they all just needed a little hair of the dog. 

“What do you think guys, we throwing in anything crazy tonight?” Josh asks.

“No.” Jake grumbles, “Just keep it normal...”

“Damn, Jake rallying for a normal setlist? The fucks wrong with you?” Danny laughs. 

He shrugs his shoulders, “Why do we have to do ‘something crazy’ every night?” he says with exaggerated air quotes. 

“Well, we haven’t played in like a week?” Sam pipes in.

“Exactly.” he snaps.

“Okay…” Josh pauses, trying to mediate, “What about just a long encore?”

Your eyes flick over to Jake, giving him a look that says, ‘just do it’ and he takes a deep breath as he rubs his lips. 

“Alright, I could maybe do a little ‘Rollin’ and Tumblin’...” he offers. 

“There we go…” Josh smiles, “I can finish up with ‘That’s All Right’...sound good?” he says looking around to everyone.

Everyone nods, continuing to sip their drinks and you feel a tiny bit of relief wash over you that Jake was agreeable in the end. 

Elle grabs your hand and pulls you out of the dressing room door, with a sigh of relief as the two of you hear the door shut behind you. “God, why is it so tense in there?” she asks.

You make your way outside, the sky positively black with angry clouds, “I honestly have no idea. Jake’s been like that for a few days.”

“Oh, since the picture thing?” she asks. 

“Yeah, actually. I mean, I kind of talked to him about it. I thought we were good, but yeah, he’s been a little bit moody since then.” you answer. 

“How is he when it’s just the two of you?” she asks, sitting down at a picnic table.

“Well… we have been staying in our separate rooms the past few days. We haven’t spent a whole lot of time alone. Just sort of seems like he is going through the motions. I did go wake him up this morning like I always do on show days, and he kind of… told me to leave him alone, almost? I don’t know. He said he was hungover and I just took his word for it and left him be.” you said, picking at the wood on the table.

“Leave him alone?! That’s kind of… a complete 180 from how he’s been acting recently? Could hardly pry the two of you away from each other? Something is definitely bothering him.” she laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah…I know, it’s weird. But again, he did seem a little unsure about that picture of Sam and I. I told him it was nothing but I’m thinking he is still in his head about it.” you said.  “You believe me don’t you? You know I would never…”

“Yes Y/N. One hundred percent, I personally saw nothing wrong with it. I’m sure Jake is in his head, exactly like you said. He will get over it. He’s just being a pouty man.” she said. 

You laughed, “Yeah, I hope you’re right. Maybe I will try to talk to him about it again later or something.” 

Your radio signaled thirty minutes until curtain, and the two of you made your way back inside just as the wind began to pick up. As you walked down the hallway you caught sight of a moment you weren’t sure you were supposed to witness, quickly whipping your head back to the front with a giggle. 

“Okay so Danny and Cat are a thing...” you whispered to Elle. 

“Cat the seamstress girl?!” she asked, eyes wide. 

“Would seem that way, since I just saw the two of them completely lip locked in that hallway we just passed.” you said bumping into her shoulder.

“No…” she gushed. 

“Mmmmhm… but you didn’t hear it from me.” you laughed. Definitely explains the nervous look from earlier. 

“Oh, I’m happy for him. I liked Heidi but like…come on… How could you do that to him? It’s Danny... Look at him!” she gushed.

“I know, I bet she is totally kicking herself now.” you said, pulling the green room door open. 

“There you are!” Sam yelled towards Elle. 

“Sorry, just needed some air. It’s about to storm out there, everyone is going to be soaked.” she said. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time our audience was wet.” Sam winked.

“Samuel!” Elle said, smacking his shoulder. 

“What! It rains everywhere, baby…” he says smugly.

You rolled your eyes and walked over to the clothing rack seeing Jake and Sam’s outfits still hanging. You checked the time, and huffed. You grabbed both of the hangers and walked over to Sam, “Here big mouth, go get dressed you have ten minutes.”

“Don't let him fool you, he only needs two.” Elle quips.

“Eleanor! You’re just as bad as he is! God you two are perfect for each other.” you mused. 

You made your way over to Jake, laying on the couch with his phone in his hand, ignoring everyone around him. 

“You planning on attending the show tonight?” you asked, laying his suit on the arm of the couch. 

“I suppose if I have to…” he says, turning his head to look up at you, a special twinkle in his eye that has been noticeably absent. 

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” you ask, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him. 

He nods his head quickly, sitting up and letting out a deep breath, he grabs your hand lacing his fingers with yours and pulls you to stand between his parted legs. You squat down to meet him at eye level, resting your arms on his knees. 

“Sorry I’ve been an ass the past few days. I’ve just felt–bad.” he pauses. 

“I know. It’s okay.” you say, nodding your head in reassurance. “That’s why we are working on things, remember? We can have good days and bad days. Doesn’t mean I love you any less. Just… take a few more days to yourself. I’ll still be here.”

His eyes flick up to yours, as he nods back. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do.” you smile. “But you need to get dressed. You have five minutes.” 

He brings your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles before letting it go. You stand and grab his hanger, passing it off to him as he makes his way into the bathroom. 

You sit back down on the couch and sigh. At least you know he doesn’t hate you.

Minutes later he is rushing out of the bathroom, pulling the zipper to his boots as he shoots you a thumbs up in question.

You smile and nod, radioing to the crew that he was walking out. He grabs his jacket and pulls it over his arms, flipping his hair out over his shoulders and untwisting his necklace. As he grabs it he kisses it, looks at you and winks, before rushing out the door. 

Warmth rushes over your chest at his tiny gesture, but you swallow it back and are out the door right behind him, ready to watch from side stage. 

—

Exactly as they said, the show went on just as usual, playing a straight forward but still powerful set of all of the can’t miss songs from the new album. You caught Jake’s eye a few times from the side of the stage, a small smile playing on his lips as he danced his fingers across the frets. 

The encore went on for nearly twenty minutes despite Jake’s earlier defiance about it. You knew him, they all did, especially Josh, and he knew that if given the opportunity to take the lead for a while, Jake would do just that. 

By the time they were exiting the stage, they were all dripping with sweat, accepting towels from Logan as they made their way down the steps. Jake rushed past you, heading straight towards the green room, with Danny hot on his heels. 

You followed behind them, catching the tail end of their conversation which was clearly not friendly post show chatter.

“...and you were supposed to fucking cue me, I can’t read your mind...” Danny seethes. 

“I did Daniel, maybe if you weren’t making eyes at everyone in the fucking audience you would have seen it. Sam and Josh caught it?” he quipped back.

“I wasn’t making eyes Jake, I was fucking engaging with them, ever heard of it? God forbid you drop your mysterious facade for five fuckin’ minutes.” he snapped.

“Sorry, is this about me not eye-fucking the audience or me not cueing you…pick one.” he says, wiping the towel over his chest.

“God, fuck you Jake. Take the stick out of your ass.” Danny said storming into the dressing room. 

You decide that now is the perfect time to be anywhere other than that dressing room as you turn on your heels and head in the opposite direction. You watch as Sam and Josh are heading in the direction you just came from and shake your head no with a warning look. 

“They pissed?” Sam asks, swinging a towel in his hand. 

“Yep, and I promise you don’t want to be a part of it.” you offer. 

“Let’s go get makeup wipes from Jenn. Give them a minute.” Josh says, ushering the three of you down the hallway and away from the fire raging in the green room.

—

About twenty minutes later you rejoined the others sitting in the deathly silent green room, seeing Jake on one side of the room and Danny on the other. You walked in, and grabbed a drink before taking a place next to Jake on the couch. Sam struck up conversation with Danny as Elle and Josh talked loudly in the middle of the room, effectively buffering the tension between Danny and Jake. 

“You good?” you ask, turning to him as you sipped your seltzer. 

He huffs out a breath, “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” you answered quietly, knowing that the tone in his voice was very much not fine. You knew pressing the issue would only cause him to boil over again, so you left it alone knowing that you’d be heading out soon and everyone would be able to cool off for the next day or so before the next show. 

Chatter continued in the room as you tapped your fingers against the dwindling can in your grip, a reprieve from the tension coming as Richard stepped through the door.

“Alright guys, so here is the situation. We are all loaded up, everything is ready to go. However, the storm is so bad we are going to have to hang out here for a little while. As soon as we can leave I will be back to get you, okay?” he says, clearly stressed out. 

“What, they’ve never driven in the rain before?” Danny quips.

“Well, if you’d like to step outside and take a look, I think you’ll find it is a little more than just rain, Mr. Weather Channel.” he challenged. 

Danny waved him off, still very agitated. You pulled your phone from your pocket and opened the weather app, seeing for yourself that it was in fact not just rain, it was a whole tropical storm. You flashed your screen towards Jake, showing him the blobs of red and yellow. He grabbed it from your hands and hit the play button watching the radar as it showed continuous rain and wind for the next several hours. He handed it back to you and ran his hand over his face as he slid down further into the couch. 

“God I just want to get the fuck out of here and go to bed.” he snaps, tossing an empty beer can on the coffee table. 

“Sorry you’ve had a shit day.” you offered, watching him nod his head slightly.

“Part of it I guess. Good days and bad days right?” he quips.

You nod and release an impatient breath, “You want anything?” you ask, holding up your empty can.

He gives you a curt nod, “You know what I like.”

You return with another seltzer and a local beer you saw him eyeing earlier, popping the tab before you hand it to him. 

As you rejoin him on the couch you watch him kick his feet up onto the coffee table and pick up his phone, “As long as we’re stuck here… I thought maybe we could…” he trails off holding his phone up to show the paused episode of ‘The X-Files’ you had last left off on. 

“Oh. Yeah, I mean…You want to?” you ask, kind of shocked.

“Is that yes?” he asks, sipping his beer.

“Do you want me to get my airpods?” you ask.

“Oh, sure.” he says, shrugging his shoulders. 

You lean over and grab your purse, digging through to find the little white case, pulling them from inside, handing him one and placing the other in your own ear. He connects them to his phone, and hits play, restarting the episode from the beginning. He leans forward and sets his beer on the coffee table, moving his arm to rest over your shoulders, pulling you into his side. 

You let out a relaxing breath realizing this is the most normal and comfortable you’ve felt with him in days. You lean a little further into his side, breathing in the scent of his fresh t-shirt, and the damp smell of his washed hair, and you don’t know it but he is doing the exact same thing. 

 —

Jake whispering into your ear wakes you from the sleep you didn’t know you slipped into. “Hey, I think we’re finally going.” 

You sat up and looked around the room, seeing Elle and Sam in a similar state. 

“Did it let up?” you asked, pulling the airpod from your ear. 

“Yeah I think so. Enough that we can leave at least.” he says, handing you the other earbud. 

“Do you want my jacket?” he asks.

The sweet gesture warms your heart, but you know truthfully it doesn’t matter since you will be falling straight back into bed upon arrival.

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s just a little rain. You smile, watching him nod his head, “But thank you.”

You both stand up, grabbing your things, following the others out of the room, and running through the light rain into the waiting van. You’re all a little bit rain soaked as you make your way back to the hotel, and you’re sure that all of you are ready to sleep away the long night. 

Pulling up under the awning, the van drops you off as the wind continues to whip curtains of rain in your direction, effectively soaking you all once again. As you make your way into the lobby, the group is stopped by the hotel receptionist, waving you down trying to get your attention. 

Richard steps over to her, talking with her the best that he can despite the language barrier, but what gets your attention is the strangled ‘What!’ that leaves his mouth. 

“Oh no…” you breathe, looking over to Jake. “Something is wrong…”

A few seconds later Richard walks over to your waiting group, a look of pure anxiety on his face. “The entire left section of the hotel is closed. Apparently a strong wind gust took off part of the roof. Now the roof is leaking, and out of precaution they had to close off the entire wing of the hotel, which includes our rooms.”

“Oh fuck…” Sam groans. 

“Now what?” Josh barks.

“Now I find us somewhere else to stay for the rest of the week. At…” he pauses, checking the time, “...1:36am. Get comfortable, I’ll be back in a minute.” he says pointing to the stiff lobby couches. 

Jake groans and flops into one of the shiny green vinyl chairs. You sit down next to him, leaning close, “Did you sleep at all?” you ask.

“No, I was…I couldn’t. Wanted you to sleep though. Glad you did even if it was only an hour or so.” he says, looking over to you. 

Richard rushes back over, “Okay, the lady said you can all go up to your rooms and pack up your things but to come back down to the lobby when you’re done. So go do that, while I try to figure out where we are going.” he says.

Jake stands up, pulling your hand with him, as he walks the two of you towards the elevator, pressing the number for your floor. As you arrive you part ways, heading to your separate rooms to quickly pack your things. You rush around the room collecting it all, noticing the brown water stain collecting in the left corner of the ceiling, a steady drip of water falling to the floor below it. Maybe this was for the best.

As you gather your toiletries you hear a knock at your door, leaning over to open it from the bathroom. Jake is waiting with his suitcases, as the door swings open looking at you with questioning eyes. “You almost done?”

“Yeah, just have a few more things. The ceiling actually is leaking in here…” you say, tossing your razor into your makeup bag. 

He steps into the room and sits on the bed, leaving his bags by the door. “Shit…I wonder where the hell we are going to go this late at night.”

“Well, we are in the vacation capital of Brazil, during peak vacation season, so to be completely honest, I bet the options are incredibly slim. I thought about going down to try and help him. I’m sure he is scrambling.” you say.

“I just want to go to bed…” he groans.

“Me too.” you say, shoving your toiletry bag into your suitcase before zipping it closed. “Okay. That’s everything.”

You stand your suitcase up and roll it towards the door, as Jake meets you to grab his own. The two of you make your way down to the lobby to meet the others, talking with Richard as you approach. 

“Alright, now that I’ve got everyone, I did find a place and it's not too far from here, only about twenty minutes.” he says, ushering all of you to begin loading your things into the van.

Jake takes your bag and motions for you to go ahead and get in with Elle, while they continue to tetris everything inside of the small trunk. A few minutes later you’re heading down the road, battling the constant downpouring of rain and wind, finally pulling into a little beachside resort on the water. 

The clock on your phone reads 2:29am, and you groan inwardly at how long this day has been. As you all pile into the tiny lobby, Richard speaks with the receptionist gathering the room keys and walking back towards the group of you.

“Alright guys, so all I could find were these little private bungalows, which I'm sure most of you won't have a problem with, but seeing that every hotel in this damn city is sold out of regular rooms, and I needed seven of them, this was the best I could find at this hour. Some of you will have to bunk up. Sam and Elle…” he says, handing them a small gold key. 

“Josh and Daniel…you guys are in a two bedroom unit, hope that’s okay. I have the rest of the staff rooming together if it makes you feel better…” he said handing Danny the key. 

“No problem, thanks for making this happen.” Josh said, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Jake and Y/N…” he said, sending a shock through your system. 

“Oh, we aren’t…we…” Jake says, looking between you, Richard and Josh.

“It’s okay…” you whispered.

Jake stepped forward grabbing the key and swallowing nervously as he turned to face you. 

“Okay, everyone get some sleep, and monitor the weather before you go out in the morning. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon…” Richard said, retreating to his own room. 

You turned to Jake, who looked just as shocked as you, and bit your lips together before finally speaking, “So…we’re rooming together…”

He pulled his suitcase and began to walk towards the door, “Looks like it...”

—

The two of you stood underneath the thatched roof covering of the small porch as Jake twisted the key in the door. The wind was steadily whipping his hair and yours across your faces as he pushed the door open. Stepping inside behind him you pulled your suitcase behind you, peeling the wet strands of hair from your face and neck. You deposited your suitcase in the hallway before stepping further inside, taking in the expansive wall of windows that showcased the raging ocean just behind them. 

As you looked around the open floor plan you spotted a full kitchen and small living room just across from the large king sized bed that was clearly the focal point of the bungalow. It had a perfect unobstructed view of a private pool just overlooking the water through the wall of floor to ceiling windows, and under different circumstances you might have considered this to be a dream vacation. 

You walked back to your suitcase pulling it further into the room, and positioning it on your normal side of the bed. You began to unzip it, pulling out your things as you watched Jake roll his towards the couch. You furrowed your brows as you watched him lift the couch cushions, investigating to see if it was a pull out couch. 

“Jake…” you mewled.

“You can have the bed...I’ll take the couch, I think it does pull out. There’s probably sheets somewh–” 

“Jake… when did we get back to this?” you questioned.

“I don’t know, I’m just trying to give you space. You said this is what you wanted.” he protests.

“It is, but I mean, not like this? I’m not making you sleep on a pull out couch after the night we’ve had? Are you insane?” you asked.

The rain had picked up again, battering against the windows in a deafening rhythm. Lightning lit up the sky behind Jake as he stood looking at you. 

“Will you just…come over here? Talk to me?” 

JAKE POV

You stood across the room, staring at her as she pleaded with you for answers. You swallowed harshly and took a deep breath as you made your way over to her, watching her sit on the edge of the bed. 

You sat down on the chair next to the bed, facing her as you rested your elbows on your knees. 

“Do you not…want this anymore? Do you not want to stay here with me? I’m sure I could stay with Sam and Elle. They wouldn’t ask questions or anything…” she offered, biting her lips.

Fuck.

“God, no. No, you have it all wrong…” you whined. 

 She looked at you, confusion painted across her face. 

“I know you’re mad at me about the picture thing, and I swear Jake, it was nothing. I know it looked bad, but I swear on my life it wasn’t what it looked like. I swore to Sam I wouldn’t say anything but I can’t stand you thinking that something happened between us. When that picture was taken he had just told me he wanted t–”

You stopped her, not letting her finish the thought. Not wanting her to live with the guilt of knowing she went against her word and told his secret. 

“No, no. I know. I know what happened. He told me. Last night at the bar. Told me everything.” you admitted, seeing a flash of shock cross her eyes. 

“Wait, so you know?” she asked.

You nodded your head, “Yeah. I know.”

“Then… if you’re not mad about that, then…what did I do?” she asked, completely crestfallen.

“Nothing. That’s the thing. You did nothing. I did. I overreacted. I didn’t trust you. After everything you’ve done to prove to me…I still immediately jumped to that conclusion. I’ve spent the last week assuming the worst and punishing you for it, only to find out I was completely wrong.” you paused, running your hand over your mouth. 

“So then last night… you wanted to come back with me…and god, you looked so pretty and your eyes were so hopeful, it killed me but, I just couldn’t…I was so…mad at myself for how I had been acting. Just…punishing myself almost. I knew I wouldn’t be able to deny you if you did come up. I didn’t deserve you. Drank too much when I got back to my room, fell asleep missing you. Then suddenly you were at my door, and I was such an ass.” you said, thinking back. 

“Originally I thought that putting some distance between us would help me get over whatever I was feeling; jealousy maybe? I don’t know, so I tried to just be casual for a few days, and give myself some space from you, but then, after he told me what was actually happening in that photo… I’d never felt so… foolish. Completely ignorant.” you paused, looking up to meet her eyes. “So that is what’s going on. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I’m still working on it. So please, take the bed, and I’ll take the couch. It’s what I deserve, for now at least.” you mused.

“Jake.” she asks, still staring you down. 

“Mhmm…” you hummed.

“I never expected you to trust me again, so soon. You have every right to not trust me at all. I know I have told you a hundred times that I’ll never betray your trust again, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did. It’s going to take time for us to get past that. Don’t beat yourself up over our first little slip up.” she pauses, touching your arm, “Nothing changed, I still love you and I’m pretty sure you still love me. I’m not mad at you, I just thought you were mad at me so I was giving you space too.” 

I guess this is why she said we needed to work on communication…

“I promise I’m not mad at you, and I definitely do still love you. I just didn’t know how to apologize this morning.” you smiled up at her. 

“So all of that to say, please please please come sleep in the bed with me… or if anything, let me take the pull out couch. This is your room after all…” she begs. 

“It’s our room, and we will sleep in our bed. If you’ll really have me.” you said, sincerely.

You watched a smile spread across her face, the same one you saw in the green room tonight as you asked her to watch your show. You were aching to be close to her, and you knew she wouldn’t turn that down, so when you opened your arm to her, and let her lean into your side you knew it would only be a matter of minutes before she passed out watching your show together. 

She stood from the bed and grabbed her pajamas and toiletry bag turning to look at you, “I don’t know if I could make it another night without you.”

“Thank god…” you breathed.

She sauntered off to the bathroom, as you stripped down and walked over to your side of the bed. You paused, before getting in, making sure the doors were locked and turning off the harsh overhead lighting in favor of the lamp on the side table. It really was a beautiful room, and the view of the ocean would surely be spectacular in the morning. You pulled the curtains shut, and made your way back to the bed, knowing that the sound of the rain pounding against the windows would lull you right to sleep. You pulled back the sheets, sliding in with a relaxing groan. You were so fucking glad you weren’t on that pull out couch. 

You grabbed your phone, blinking a few times to adjust your eyes to the brightness of the screen as you typed in Danny’s name pulling up your text thread. 

You

3:31am: You still awake

Daniel

3:33am: Sadly

You

3:34am: I’m sorry about earlier. I was being an ass. Should have made sure you saw my cue. 

Daniel

3:35am: It’s okay man, I probably should have been paying more attention, I knew it was coming and I still missed it.

You

3:36am: No, it was my fault. Won’t happen again, okay?

Daniel

3:37am: Yeah. All good dude?

You

3:38am: All good.

With that tension off of your shoulders, you rolled over and plugged in your phone. A few seconds later you heard the bathroom door open, and saw her walk out with her arm full of dirty clothes, tossing them into her suitcase before crawling into the fluffy sheets. Letting out a groan similar to yours she plugged in her own phone and rolled to face you. 

“Did you know it's 3:40 in the morning?” she grinned.

“God, really? I guess we are sleeping in then?” you asked. 

“Well, I am supposed to meet Logan for breakfast in the morning.” she says casually, turning to her back and adjusting her pillow. 

“Oh. Uhh, what time?” you asked.

“I think 9:00, but I might see if he will push it to ten. Their hotel didn’t get flooded or whatever.” she yawns. 

“Wait, are you coming with us to the stadium tomorrow?” you said, rolling quickly to your side to look at her.

“The soccer stadium?” she asks. 

“Yeah…” you breathe.

“Do you want me to come? I didn’t know if you wanted me to…” she says, looking at you. 

“Y/N…Yes. Of course I want you to come.” you implore. 

“What time?” she asks.

“We are leaving here at 12:00, I think our tour starts at 1:30, but you know we are always late to everything.” you smile.

“Yes, I am well aware of that.” she giggles. “Okay, I will be there. I’ll meet you there. Is that okay?” 

You reach your hand out and lace her fingers with yours, “Of course it’s okay.” you reply, rubbing your fingers over her knuckles. 

“You know, I think this is the most we’ve talked and touched in like, a week…” she says defeatedly. 

“I know baby, I’m…I’m sorry.” you whisper. 

“I know I’m the one who said we should give each other space, but I think I’m struggling with it the most.” she confesses.

“Yeah?” you ask, hitting the switch on the lamp.

“Yeah. I want to kiss you, and touch you, and sleep next to you…It’s just been a long couple of days without you. I missed you.” she says, her voice growing tired. 

“I missed you too, you know. Couldn’t sleep for shit. Too much space in the bed.” you said, grabbing her and pulling her towards you as she giggled. You pulled her onto your chest, watching the room illuminate in shades of blue as lightning continued to crackle outside the window.

“Okay, now that that’s settled, I think there is just one more thing to tend to.” you said, turning your head. She looks up at you, ready to hear what you’re going to say, but instead you grab her jaw, guiding her lips to yours in a long overdue kiss. You twist your body to hover over her, just a bit as she pulls you in to deepen the kiss. Her hand slides into your hair, and pulls you closer just as you break away from her lips. 

A whimper leaves her mouth as you roll back to your side, pulling her in to nuzzle at your neck. “Don’t be making sounds like that. Not at this hour…” you warn. 

You feel her smile against your skin, as she wraps her arm around your waist, and presses a kiss to your neck. 

“Baby, I’m warning you…” you say playfully. 

“Okay okay, sorry.” she says, pulling away slightly and settling on her pillow.

As you close your eyes, and listen to the sound of the rain, you pull her close and kiss her forehead, “Tomorrow. I promise.”

—

You woke up the next morning to more Samba music playing from outside, realizing that apparently, the party never stops here. You smiled a little, wondering if you’d have time to mosy the streets a bit today. Your head shot off the pillow when you remembered you’d be waking up alone, and that Y/N had early breakfast plans with Logan. 

Your eyes adjusted to the light, and you found a tiny piece of paper laying in Y/N’s spot on the bed. You picked it up, realizing it was the same piece of paper you’d written on and stuck in her pocket yesterday, except she’d written a pretty little ‘I love you too’ on the opposite side, adorned with a tiny drawing of your favorite constellation. 

You rolled over and picked your phone up and off the charger, sliding the case off, and sticking the note between it and your phone. Safe keeping. 

It was only 8am, so you had some time before it was off to the soccer stadium. You jetted to the resort restaurant to get coffee and a bagel, seeing Sam and Elle there sitting and eating. 

“Morning brother, sister.” You sputtered, blowing on the coffee you'd just poured, and stuffing cream cheese packets into your pocket. 

“Hey, wanna eat with us?” Elle said, pulling out a chair. 

“Nah, I’m just gonna have this. Thanks though. Gonna go swim in my private pool till we leave.” You said, raising your eyebrows and sticking out your tongue a little. You tossed your bagel into the air and caught it again, turning to leave. 

“I’ll see you guys in a bit!” You cawed, walking back toward the elevator. 

“Well isn’t he in a much better mood than he has been?” You heard Elle say to Sam. 

—

The bagel was more tasty than you thought it would be, and the coffee was perfectly strong. You changed into your swimming trunks, and grabbed your book, making sure your special bookmark was still tucked right where you left it. 

The pool was warm but not too warm, and the rain from last night had made the sky perfectly cloudy. You spent the next few hours relaxing in the pool and getting completely taken by your book, honestly and truly feeling a lot better after last night. You imagined Y/N’s lips on yours again, how she felt finally in your arms, and your mind started to wander off about the promise you made her last night, hoping she was expecting you to make good on it. 

Right as you felt yourself getting sleepy, your phone dinged. 

LD ⭐️

11:06am: I’m bringing you a GIANT bagel back

You smiled hard to yourself, able to hear her saying that in your head. 

You

11:08am: Sadly, I have already had a giant bagel this morning. But we can split it for brunch?

LD ⭐️

11:10am: Eh, it has raisins in it. You can have the whole thing. 😁

11:11am: Change of plans, I’ll be back to the hotel before you leave and I’ll just go with you to the stadium.

You

11:12am: Raisins, my favorite. You sure you wanna go? We’re not staying long, if you’re having a good time out and about.

LD ⭐️

11:13am: Yeah, I wanna hang out with you ☺️ Logan has a staff meeting or something soon so we’ll be back.

You

11:15am: Sounds good baby.

You climbed out of the pool and wrapped up in a towel, hopping in a quick shower to rinse the chlorine off. The excitement was building up of seeing the Maracanã stadium, wanting more than anything to appease your inner child soccer fan and see the locker room where some of the greats gathered. You weren’t sure why everyone wanted to go with you, but you were happy nonetheless. 

“Jake, it’s me.” You heard her knock on the door. You swung it open to find the giant bagel in your face, with her eye peeking through the hole. “Told you it’s giant!” She said as you chuckled at her display. 

You tossed it onto a table in the room, scooping up her hands as you pushed the two of you out the door. “Let’s go baby.”

——

The stadium was impressive, to say the least. You got a chance to tour the locker rooms, press conference room, and even the trophy room. You were hopping around like an excited kid, reading every placard and sign that you could. 

“Having fun babe?” Y/N asked, squeezing your hand as you walked. 

“A ton. Thanks for coming with me.” You replied, kissing her knuckles. 

As you walked out onto the field with the rest of the crew in tow, you got a thought. You brought up Carson’s contact, hitting the FaceTime button. 

After a few rings, she picked up, a confused look on her face. “Guess where I am…” you asked. 

“Metallica’s house.” She guessed flatly. 

“No, even cooler.” You panned the camera around, showing the view from on the field. “We’re in Brazil.”

“No way, not the Maracanã?!” She yelped. 

“Yep. The World Cup was here our senior year, remember?” You went on, still spinning. 

“Of course I remember, Argentina lost 1-0, how could I forget? That’s so cool Jake…” you continued the conversation for a minute or so more, before hanging up with a quick goodbye. 

When you hung up the call, you watched as Y/N was walking further and further away toward the exit. Ah shit, that probably wasn’t your best idea. 

You slid the phone in your pocket, jogging to catch back up with everybody. 

Back in the van, you slid in next to Y/N, who was leaning on her fist looking out the window. “Hey. Ya have fun?” You asked her. 

She smiled, but not her real smile. “Yeah! It was really cool.” You took her hand in yours and clasped it tight. 

“Why did you run away from me?” You asked her. 

“Just wanted to give you two some privacy on the phone!” She replied, too chipper. 

Damn. Whoops. 

“Ya know, Carson’s pretty cool, she probably would’ve liked to say hello to you, too.” You said, trying to segue into positivity. 

She looked at you sideways. “Does she…even know we’re ‘together’, Jake? Last thing she saw of me was me telling her I wasn’t your girlfriend in the hospital.” 

Shit. No, she thinks you’re single. Yeeeesh. 

“Yeah, and then she saw me holding your hand, too. Either way, just don’t want there to be any unnecessary animosity. I’m sorry if that made you feel weird.” You went on. 

“It’s alright, Jake. We’re allowed to have friends, right?” She asked, squeezing your hand back. 

You grinned, watching as the sun started to come out and hit her directly in the eyes. “Yes. We are.” 

HER POV

Yes, we’re allowed to have friends. Who know about our relationship…Were you overthinking this? Did he like her?

No. No way. You’d been through too much lately. Carson was just a shoulder to cry on while he was in the hospital, an old friend with tons in common with him and was really cute and pretty and brought him a guitar that he wrote a new song on and…

You glanced back out the window as the sun peeked through the clouds, finally breaking up the cloudy day. The streets were packed with traffic and people, and you got to people watch a little bit as you drove through. 

After a few minutes, you felt Jake’s head rest on your shoulder as he readjusted your hands with his, cupping them both over your right hand. He let out a little cough as your eyes inspected his tiny scar marks, always a reminder of the night he saved you at the bar. The night you picked 27 shards of glass from his shaking hands while you cried together. Then your eyes traveled to your inner thigh, the scar still red and raised from where Andy cut you with the knife. And Jake saved you again. 

You jammed your eyes shut at all the memories, all the horrible, terrible things that you and Jake had been through together, all the times you left, and the times he left. And you had actual physical scars to remind you of it, every single day. Battle scars. A continual war being fought between the two of you for the past decade. Why did he fight so hard for you?

“Jake, you wanna try for a make-up date tonight? I don’t think this van is gonna break down before we get to the hotel.” You laughed. 

He craned his head up to yours, pressing a tiny kiss to your cheek. “Yes. Absolutely. Please.” He agreed, the sound of his voice like pure honey. “Can we stay in after we find food, though?”

“We can do whatever you want.” You responded. 

“Mmm, don’t tempt me with a good time…” he said, his tone laced with insinuation. “Whatever I want, and whoever I want?” He turned his head, placing a tiny nip on your neck. 

“No, not whoever…just me.” You said, a shy grin forming on your face. 

“Always just you, love. As many times as I want?” He growled, his voice making you squeeze your legs together.

“As many times as you can…” you offered, feeling him tense in his seat. 

You heard him exhale. “This van needs to hurry up.”

You pulled your other hand to join his, intertwining all twenty of your fingers together while he stayed rested on your shoulder. He coughed again. You realized he still gets tired fairly easily. 

“Oh! I forgot.” He sat up, pulling his phone back out, and taking the case halfway off. He leaned it toward you, showing you the tiny note you’d written him this morning stuck between his phone and case.

“Aw, you kept it.” You cooed. 

“Of course I did. I’m a sentimental guy.” He laid his head back on your shoulder. “And I love you, too, Y/N.”

—

“I’m so glad you’re not one of those girls that takes six years to get ready.” Jake said as he put his arm around your lower back as you walked out onto the busy Brazilian street. “I am starving.” 

You lowered your sunglasses and tousled your hair. “What’s the point in looking good? I’m never gonna see these people ever again.” You shrugged. 

He laughed, sliding his arm down to take your hand as you looked to cross the street. “Plus, the only person I gotta impress is you.”

He squeezed your hand, the warm breeze blowing his hair in front of his face. “You’re beautiful every single second of the day, Y/N.”

After walking through the city streets and sampling way too many street vendors, you finally found a little spot with an outside bar, and ordered food and drinks. 

The older gentleman bartender greeted you with his hands on the bar and a giant smile. 

“Olá, bebidas…” he said, motioning for ‘drink’. You knew he realized you weren’t local, so he was speaking as clearly as he could. 

“Caipirinhas?” Jake suggested, looking to you. 

“I don’t care, sounds good to me!” you said, making yourself comfortable on the old metal barstool. 

Jake signaled two. “Obrigado.” 

“What am I about to drink?” You asked, whispering. 

“Their signature cocktail drink here. It’s made with cachaça…almost like a rum.” He said. “The stuff you and Elle brought us back the other day. Sam found a couple more bottles of it and hid them in his room. It’s really good.” 

After a few drinks a piece, your food was boxed and ready to go. Jake laid some money on the bar and stood to leave. “Bye Antonio!” He waved to the bartender, and the two of you were walking back toward home, both feeling significantly buzzed. 

“I’m glad it stopped raining enough for us to explore a little.” You said, swinging his arm extra hard. “You ready to go back?”

“Yeah, I’m still starving and those drinks are hitting my empty stomach.” He laughed. 

“Should’ve eaten the bagel, babe.” 

——

As you neared closer back to the bungalow, you realized you didn’t have any drinks back at the room, and getting them from the lobby bar would be too difficult. 

“Babe, we don’t have any alcohol in the room!” You exclaimed, feeling way tipsy, and wanting to continue the fun for the night. 

“Oh shit, you’re right…” he said, his eyes rolling around like he was thinking. “Where are Sam and Elle?”

“I think they said they were going out tonight, they probably already left.” You said, glancing at the time. 

“So, they’re gone, and there are two bottles of untouched rum in their room…” he said, raising his eyebrows. 

“Jake, no. You aren’t gonna…”

“Sneak in and steal it? Hell yeah I am!” He goofed, walking faster around the back of the line of huts. You watched as he found yours, then counted over to find Sam and Elle’s. 

“Jake, stop. No way. Are you really gonna...”

“Hold the food.” He said, handing you the bag. 

You burst out laughing watching him scale the fence, and climb up onto the tiny side roof of the porch. When he finally got to the top, he stood, holding his fists in the air. 

“You’re insane! What if it’s locked?” You whisper-yelled, looking around to see if anyone was watching him break in. 

“Sam never locks shit!” He said, looking around below him. Within seconds, you saw him disappear below the fence.

“Aghh...!” You heard him grumble. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah just tripped over a fucking pool noodle. What the hell did they do in here last night?! There’s shit everywhere…” he said, obviously having to make his way to their door. 

You stood around awkwardly for a couple of minutes, hoping that Sam and Elle actually weren’t home, and caught him in the act. You could just hear Sam throwing his ass into the private pool if so. 

A minute later, you watched as he re-emerged on top of the small roof, this time holding the bottle high above his head and screaming a victory yell. 

“Holy shit, he did it.” You mumbled, shaking your head. “Woohoo!” 

He tossed you the bottle gently, and proceeded to climb back down the side of the fence. 

When he finally landed on the ground, he dusted his hands off playfully. “Mission accomplished.”

“So looks like they had fun in there last night, huh? It was late as hell when we got back!” You asked, remembering that you got there after 3am. 

“Yes, what the fuck. Looked like they had a literal party. Actually saw a few things I wish I hadn’t.” He giggled, shaking his head. You pushed the bottle into his hand as he cracked the spin-top open, and tilted the bottle back. 

“You’re crazy, Jake. You know that?” You laughed as he wrapped his arm around the back of your neck. 

“Ah, just crazy for you, babe.”

——

Tipsy giggles filled the air as the two of you stood watching as Jake struggled to get the key into the lock. “No…you had it the right way the first time!”

“I tried it that way, it wouldn’t go!” he laughed.

“Do it again, spin it back. No! The other way!” you giggled.

“Oi! You bastard let me into my room!” Jake shouted, finally pressing the key into the lock.

The door opened, the gust of cold air blowing right through your thin clothes sending a shiver through your body. The two of you made your way over to the kitchen, Jake opting to head straight for the cabinet of glasses, as you pulled your dinner out of the to go bag. 

He joined you at the table with two glasses, popping the lid of the cachaça and tipping it into the glasses.

“You like that stuff, huh?” you ask, passing him his box of food. 

“It’s not bad, honestly. Might even miss it when we get back to the States.” he says, sipping the warm drink.

“No ice? You didn’t get any ice for your glass?” you laugh.

“Eh, waste of time…waters it down…” he smirks.

You roll your eyes and start to eat, knowing that if you continue to drink on an empty stomach, you’ll regret it later. 

“We should open these doors, let the fresh air in…” you said, staring out at the ocean.

“Mmm…you know I love that salt air smell…” he said, swallowing down his mouthful of food as he pushed back from his chair. He walked over to the row of double doors, opening them all and pushing back the curtains. The wind instantly picked up the white gauzy curtains sending them billowing into the breeze. 

The sun had started to set on the horizon, providing the perfect backdrop to your date night in. 

“I think it’s going to rain again tonight…” Jake says, staring out at the sea. 

“Yeah?” you question, finishing off your dinner. 

“Yeah. Look at those clouds moving in from the East.” he says pointing to the sky.

“Oh, yeah I think you’re right. At least the weather was nice today.” you said, pouring the cachaça into your glass and refilling his. 

“You think Sam is gonna be mad when he sees this is gone?” you asked, setting the bottle on the table. 

“How can he prove it was us?” he smiles, returning back to the table. 

“Well, you know I tend to wander when I drink…” you laugh. 

“Oh, baby, the door is locked. You’re not going anywhere tonight.” he says, a certain unmistakable tone to his voice.” You knew exactly what he was insinuating. 

“Is that right?” you challenge.

“That is right. Whatever I want... Remember?” he smiled.

You smiled as you stared off into the distance, your mind working overtime. Your eyes flashed to the private pool just outside the double doors. 

“You’re right. I remember…And you know, since it’s just us, what if we…” you trailed off, as his eyes followed your sight line.

“You want to swim?” he asks, sipping his drink.

“Mmm…yeah something like that.” you said, pulling the string at your shoulder, releasing one of the straps of your dress.

“Shit, I think my trunks are still wet from this morning.” he said, with a concerned look.

You pulled the other string, letting the other side of your dress down as it pooled around your waist, “I don’t think you’re going to need them.”

You stood from your chair, letting your dress slide to the floor as you tossed back the rest of your drink. You pulled your hair from your ponytail, letting it fall over your shoulders as you walked out the doors and stepped down onto the stone walkway. 

“You coming?” you asked, peering over your shoulder as you dipped a foot into the warm water. You walked over to the lounge chair, making a show out of slowly sliding your thong over your hips and down your legs, tossing the pink fabric onto the cushion.

He watched you intently, completely mesmerized at the sight before him. He cleared his throat and nodded his head in response to your question, finishing his drink and tossing his hat and shirt onto the couch. 

He unbuttoned his pants, dropping them as he walked towards you, leaving a trail of clothing behind him as his toes met the edge of the pool.

You made your way over to him, running a finger down his spine, to the hem of his boxers. “Fair is fair…” you said, snapping the elastic against his hip as you stepped down into the water. 

“Turn around…” he says. 

“How come?” you ask with a smirk.

“Because. I don’t need you to see that you barely touching me has me fucking rock solid.” he laughs.

“Just get in the pool Jacob…” you say, laying back to float on the surface of the water.

You grant him his request, closing your eyes as you continue to float, feeling a small ripple of waves wash over you as he joins you in the water. 

Next thing you know you feel his hands grabbing your waist, pulling you under water with him. As you open your eyes, it’s a blur of brown hair and bubbles, before you shoot back up to the surface completely pressed against him. 

“Look at these tan lines…” he said, tracing his fingers over your chest, “Spend some time in the sun last week?”

“Mmhm…you were there, but I think you were passed out by the pool with your book. Bet you probably don’t even remember chasing after those fans do you?” you giggled. “You wanted to meet them so bad…”

“You know…now that you mention it, I do remember a blur of that, yes.” he says, pressing his wet lips to your throat.

You let your hand ghost down his stomach, meeting the patch of hair at his base. His eyes searched yours, anxious for your next move as you wrapped your hand around him. His eyes fluttered closed at your touch, and a deep breath left his nose. He scooped his arms under your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he waded through the pool. 

His eyes never left yours as he pressed you against the wall, holding your weight with his knee as his hands traveled up your waist to your chest. He swiped his thumbs over your nipples, “God, you are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Perfeita…”

You crashed your lips to his, continuing to let your hand work his length, feeling it twitch against your palm. Your free hand rested on the back of his neck, pulling his face closer to yours as he deepened the kiss. His tongue parted your lips as he licked into your mouth, the taste of the liquor strong on your breath.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, pulling your attention back to the clouds that were no longer in the distance, but right over head. His hand grabbed your chin and spun your face back to his as he pressed his lips to yours again. 

“Jake…” you mumbled into his lips, “We have to get out…the storm is here…”

“Mmm…but it’s not yet…” he growled, biting your bottom lip between his teeth.

You felt his hand slide down your stomach, as his fingers circled your clit. You arched back against the wall, desperate to feel his touch over the last few days, and finally getting it. 

But a thought crept in that you hadn’t considered, one you were sure would kill the mood. 

A few tiny raindrops started to litter the surface of the pool, both of you looking up at the darkening sky. Both of you looked at each other as his fingers slid down towards your entrance. You grabbed his wrist quickly, as you pushed off of the wall and swam towards the steps of the pool.

You stepped out as he followed behind you, grabbing your hand and pulling you against his soaking wet body as the rain continued to pour around you. “You remember the last time we were caught up in rain like this?” he asked.

Your mind sorted through memories, searching for the moment he spoke of, when it hit you. “Chicago.” you answered, as he nodded with a smile. 

He slid his hands around your waist, “Exactly. You finally came back to me. But not without a fight of course.” he laughed. 

Lightning struck in the distance, causing both of you to jump, “Should we go inside?” you asked nervously. 

He pursed his lips together, “I have a better idea…” he said, leading you up towards the covered veranda. “What if we…didn’t go inside. What if we just took shelter…”

“We are soaking wet and naked…” you laughed.

“I know, which is perfect for what I had in mind…” he smiles, leading you to the small day bed on the side of the porch.

“Does it involve you going back inside to grab that bottle of whatever that stuff is?” you smiled.

“It most definitely does.” he winks, slinking off to the kitchen and returning with the bottle. 

He twists the lid and passes the bottle to you, as you press it to your lips taking a drink of the sweet liquid.

He settles next to you, pulling you into his side as you watch the rain pour against the tropical backdrop.

“I love being near the ocean…” you breathe, staring out into the cloudy sky. 

“I do too. Something cathartic about it. Even better when it’s with you.” he answers, taking a pull from the bottle. 

It's quiet between the two of you for a few minutes, the rain continuing to pour as the thunder rumbles. Your hand wanders over towards him, still semi hard as you take it in your hand. 

“Back for more, eh?” he smiles, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you to your back, effectively disconnecting your hand from him. He hovers over top of you, both of his hands resting next to your head as his necklace dangles in your face causing you to laugh. He lifts one of his hands and grabs the pendant, tossing it over his shoulder to rest on his back. 

He lowers his face to your chest, kissing down the length of your torso until he reaches your mound, nudging your legs apart with his free hand. 

“Jake…” you urge, pushing his chin up with your hand. 

“What baby, this is the second time you’ve denied me in the past hour…Do you not want to?” he asks, brow furrowed. 

“Jake, I’m…” you shrug, hoping he will get the message. 

“What…” he asks, shaking his head. 

“I’m on my period.” you whisper.

He huffs laughter through his nose, as he leans down to press a kiss to your stomach. “And? You think I don’t know that?”

“What?” you question.

“No offense my love, but I can always tell.” he grins, just a sliver of perfect white teeth showing through his pink lips.

“Nuh uh…” you quip.

“Yes, huh. I know you baby. You jumped my bones anytime we were alone just two short weeks ago. You’ve been in a little bit of a mood this week, good and bad…Your appetite is up…you’ve got that look in your eye…I don’t know. I can just tell. That and I saw the tampons in the bathroom.” he winked. 

“Okay but I don’t want you to be gros–”

“Baby I haven’t had you in like…three weeks. Do you honestly think that a little bit of blood is going to change my mind?” he asks, nudging your knees apart.

You shrug your shoulders in response as he kisses your sternum, “Has it ever stopped us before…”

You thought back to the last time you had sex on your period, and a warm rush filled your chest. No, it definitely didn’t.

“You still…want to?” you ask.

He shakes his head and laughs again, “Only if you want to, but fuck yeah…I do.”

“Can I…go to the bathroom first…” you ask, wanting to remove your tampon without an audience. 

“Go ahead…” he says, releasing you from the bed, with a grin. 

You scurry off to the bathroom, disposing of your tampon and grabbing a towel before returning back to the porch.

“That was quick.” he quipped. 

“Had good motivation.” you smirked.

“Lay back down…” he says, pointing to the daybed.

You position yourself on top of the towel, laying back and looking up at him as he crawls overtop of you.

“Been a minute since I had you like this…” he growls into your ear.

“Too long…” you breathe, arching up into him.

“I fucking agree. This space thing is…” he trails off. “Finally get you and I only last five minutes because it’s been so long. Fucking bullshit, I want you for longer. Need you longer.”

“Maybe we don–” you start.

“Maybe what? Say it. Say it love…” he presses, running two fingers up your slit.

“Oh, shit…” you breathe. “Maybe we don’t have to…” you pause, the feeling of his fingers circling your clit causing you to lose your train of thought. 

“Say it Y/N, I need it…” he begs, grabbing his dick and swiping it through your wetness. 

“Say it, and I will take you every fucking day until you can’t breathe…” he says, pressing into you, filling you completely as the air escapes your lungs in a sharp burst. 

“Yeah, just like that... Just fucking like that…” he praises. “Now, what were you saying…”

“Space! Space… maybe we don’t need anymore…I–I don’t want anymore... I want you…I want you all the time…” you breathe.

He drops his head and groans, before looking down at you beneath him. As you peer between you, you see the faint pink hue glistening on your bodies. You can feel the blush of nerves tint your face as he presses a kiss to your lips before pulling back with a devilish smirk. He pulls his hips back and presses into you again, hitting the sensitive place inside you with precision. 

“Goddamn, I am going to ruin you, Y/N…” he pants, before beginning the onslaught of crashing himself into you over and over. He leans up onto his knees as he works deep inside of you, bringing his hands to rest on your tits, as your body moves in rhythm with his. 

“Tell me baby, what changed your mind?” he asks through labored breaths. 

You whine as his tip grazes your cervix, “I fucking need you Jake…I–I just can’t do it anymore.”

“Tell me you want me back…” he demands.

“You know I fucking want you Jake! I never stopped wanting you!” you whine.

“Say the words.” he says, wrapping his hand around your throat.

You feel a gush of wetness as his fingers press into your windpipe. A smirk crosses his face as he feels the extra lubrication. “You’re so fucking wet my love, fucking love when you let me have you like this. Now say it.”

He snaps his hips harder as he releases his grip on your neck, rolling into you deeper than you can ever remember.

“I want you back Jake! I fucking want you back... Please, please…” you beg. 

He rubs his thumb over your lips, “Tell me who owns you.”

The tension in your stomach is high, and you know he is right there with you, fighting his urge to cum but banking on your begging to push him over the edge, so you give it to him, knowing that if he’s going, you’re going down with him. 

“You. You do.”

And with your admission you watch his eyes roll back before clamping tightly shut, as he fucks into you one last time before releasing every last drop he has. A whimper falls from his lips as he feels you clench around him, your own orgasm rocking through your body as you cling to him. Rain starts to blow sideways under the porch, the cold drops hitting the both of you as desperate moans fill the air while you both come down from a long awaited release. 

He opens his eyes as his euphoria plateaus, smoothing the wet strands of hair from your eyes. “Tell me you mean it…” he asks, rain dripping from his nose.

“I mean it Jake…” you breathe.

He presses a soft, cold kiss to your lips, pulling back with your favorite smile. The one that makes his eyes twinkle their perfect molasses brown. The one you saw that night in Chicago. The one you saw that night in the garage, and the one you’re seeing now, as he reclaims something that's always been his. 

—

After a much needed shower, the two of you found yourselves cocooned in the bed sheets, completely tangled in one another, the sound of the tv droning in the distance as his fingers run up and down the length of your bare arm. 

“Jake?” you ask.

“My love?” 

“How do you know so much Portuguese?” you murmur.

“Mmm…used to do those little language apps on my phone when we first started touring in other countries. Thought it would be a fun way to pass time and might come in handy. Did a few different languages. Some of it stuck, some of it didn’t. Portuguese seems to be one of the ones that stuck. That and French for some reason.” he smiled.

You hold your hand up to his, watching as he takes measure of how much smaller your hand is than his as he continues to talk. You can still hear the faint rattle in his chest on deep breaths, a scary reminder that he is still healing. 

“I liked it…When you did that. Spoke in another language. Kinda hot.” you laughed, lacing your fingers with his and resting your hand on his chest. 

“Is that right?” he smirks.

“Mmhm…say something else to me?” you breathed cuddling further into his side with a yawn.

He reaches over and turns off the lamp, pulling you into him as his lips meet your ear, “Sempre foi você quem me possui, meu amor.”

“What did you say?” you whispered.

He pressed a kiss to your lips, and smiled against you cheek, “Ahhh…” he paused, “Just something along the lines of I love you.”

—

DANNY POV

Cat held your hand as she pushed through the thick crowds of people, leading you down the streets and back alleys. 

“Where the hell are we going?!” You asked her over the loud music. 

“Somewhere fun, don’t worry about it.” She said into your ear. Her tight black dress was hitting her in all the right places, and you felt extremely proud to be the one on her arm right now. When you told her she caught your eye, you meant it. Every guy you passed stopped in their footsteps to look at her, until they noticed she was holding your hand, then they went on their way. 

Finally she turned a tight corner and the crowd thinned out a bit. You followed behind her to a dark door, with even louder music playing from inside. There were a few people gathered around out front, but it wasn’t nearly as crowded as the street was. 

She opened the door, interlocking your fingers, and pulling you inside with her. It was a club, but it wasn’t all loud bumping music and strobe lights. Instead the music had more of a traditional feel, like what you’d been hearing people playing live on the street during the day. The lights were low and dim, and the overall vibe was steamy and hot. 

She walked you to the bar, and of course, the bartender stopped what he was doing to come over to her. She leaned down low and ordered, then turned around to you while you waited. 

“This is a cool place.” You said, leaning back on the bar on your elbows. She turned around to find the two drinks, and handed you the icy glass. 

“Cheers!” She said, clanking her glass to yours. 

“Saúde…” you responded, bringing your face in close to hers. She raised her eyebrows with impression, and brought her hand up to brush your hair. 

“I like your hair pulled back like that. It’s sexy.” She cooed in your ear, sending an immediate chill through your body. “Let’s go find a table. Then we’re going to dance.” 

You were already fairly tipsy from hitting up the tiny bars with her all evening, and apparently, this was the icing on the Cat adventure cake. The drinks were going down smoothly, and you were feeling more comfortable and confident as the night grew later. You’d been watching the place fill up, more and more people coming in and filling the dance floor. They had such a raw passion when they danced; it was like one unit of people completely lost in the movement of their bodies. All different races and ethnicities, all dancing to the different genres and beats like it was all they’d ever known. 

“Ready to go out there, Danny?” She asked, lips wrapped around the extra small straw in her drink. 

“Um, I guess so, yeah.” She pulled you out again, finding a spot right in the middle of the crowded floor. She wrapped her hands around your neck and brought you close, almost touching your lips together as she began to away her hips. Slowly at first, then a bit more rapidly. Your hands traveled to hold her, fitting perfectly to wrap around her waist. She was a bit shorter than you, but she didn’t let it stop her from making it work. 

Your bodies began to move in time with each other, smooth and rhythmic, exactly what your body was already used to doing while you played music. She separated, pulling on your hands as she leaned back and then in again, getting used to the feel of you. You let her lead, obviously, and she did well at it. The music was vibrating you as you moved, her hands climbing up your chest to cup the back of your neck as she brushed her lips to yours again. 

After a couple of songs, a slower and more sensual one played, but it didn’t stop the crowd from staying put. It was heady, hot, and the sweat was undoubtedly pouring from everyone there, but it made it all the more enticing; you wanted to feel everything completely. And the alcohol and the feeling of Cat’s hands traveling all over you was surely helping. 

“You’re not half bad, Drummer Boy.” She said into your ear, pressing a wet kiss to your neck before she detached herself, causing every muscle in your body to tighten. She turned around with her back to you, holding all four of your hands out to your sides. She pressed her ass into you as you held her close, continuing to move with the sound. She flipped all of her long hair to the side, glancing behind her to make eye contact with you while she gyrated her hips, pressing dangerously hard onto your length and dipping her knees low. 

Jesus Christ. 

You tried your best to keep up with her, remembering in your past how you’d dirty dance in random clubs when everyone got too drunk. 

Things got handsier, things got hotter, and you got a lot more physical. You were having a hard time focusing, feeling the weight of her body pressed against you; she knew exactly what she was doing. And by god, you were going to let her for as long as she wanted to. 

She still had a hold of your hands, and she snaked them up to rest around her so you had no choice but to hold her close. The back of her head leaned on your shoulder as you let your hands wander, lips pressing into the skin of her neck. Finally your mind wasn’t taking it anymore…you leaned in close to her ear as your hand traveled down her stomach, stopping just short of her heat. 

“Are you going to let me take you back to my room or are we gonna have to find a dark alley?” You growled, making her press back into you even harder. Fuck, you were having a hard time keeping it together. 

She turned back around, craning up to ghost her lips past yours again before pulling in close so you could hear her. “How about you come back to mine?”

——

You swore you’d never walked faster than you did when you left that bar, and Cat was doing it in heels. “It’s not too much further…” she mouthed as you cleared down the sidewalk. 

Finally you were walking into the lobby of her hotel, the bright lights making your eyes hurt a bit. For a split second, you hoped that none of the crew would be wandering around and see the two of you hand in hand, sweaty, and hurrying to the elevator. 

Thankfully it didn’t happen, and when you were the only ones inside, you found yourselves leaning against opposite walls of the cold metal elevator, eyeing each other like your last meal. You felt your insides swirling, lust crawling into your bones so intensely you could hardly stand up. You needed her, badly, and from the look on her face, she needed you just as badly. 

“Fuck it.” You breathed as you flew forward, grabbing her with one hand on her hip and the other behind her neck as you attached your lips to hers with more fury than you’d ever kissed anyone before. Pinning her against the wall, she was already starting to whimper into your mouth as you kissed her, your tongue hungrily searching for hers. Her hands wrapped up in your shirt, pulling you in closer. You pressed your hardening dick into her, letting you know how badly you wanted her. 

You separated a little as the elevator dinged for her floor, and the doors opened to an empty hallway. She was pulling you down it again, just like she’d been pulling you everywhere else tonight. You didn’t care though, the view from behind was exquisite, and it seemed like she always knew exactly where she was going. You knew right then that you’d let her lead you wherever the hell she felt like taking you, no matter where it was. 

She reached in her purse and pulled out her keycard, unlocking the door with a click. She pushed inside the dark room, flinging her purse to the couch before immediately reattaching her lips to yours. It got heated again, and you felt yourself building up with want for her. She reached behind her and began undoing the zipper on her dress, asking you for only a little bit of help. Your fingers snaked down her perfectly tan back, stopping just above her ass.

“You’re a fucking work of art, Cat…” you said, shaking your head at the sight of her. You couldn’t fucking wait to get your hands on her. You felt electricity literally coming from your fingertips. 

After she let her dress fall to the floor, leaving her only in her bra and thong, you backed her over to the bed, or where you thought the bed might be, and flung her down onto it. You leaned over to hover above her, taking a good look at her before you made your split decision. You sat back up on your knee, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it to the floor. 

The sound that fell from her mouth at the sight of you shirtless above her had you throbbing, and so more than ready to devour her. You brought your mouth to her neck again, laying hot kisses wherever you could. Things became hot and heavy again as you both were a furious mess of hands and lips, rolling around and fighting your way through foreplay. 

You could tell she was going to match your energy in bed to a tee, which made you even more excited. Her hands reached down for your belt and button, undoing them both with ease. Her hand snaked into your pants, palming you over top of your boxers. “Shittt, baby, you already got me so fuckin…”

You lifted her a bit to sit, undoing the clasp of her bra with one hand while you pulled it off with the other. You sat back to get a look at her again, this time with nothing to cover her. Perfect. Beautiful. 

Your lips found each other again as her hand squeezed and pulled, and she began to push your jeans down. You lifted off the bed to remove them completely, remembering the protection in your pocket. You kicked them to the side as you crawled back over to tower over her. 

“Cat, we’re both still pretty drunk. Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked genuinely, trying to not let your body touch her. 

She nodded, smiling and biting her lips. “I’m positive, Danny. I want to.”

Thank god. 

“Do you trust me?” You asked her quietly, suddenly feeling things slow down a bit. 

“I hardly know, you, Danny.” She winked, giving you a sly grin. 

You laughed out loud. “I guess that’s true.” You leaned down to kiss her lips again, this time with a bit more intention. “So I’m gonna have to earn your trust, then. Huh?” 

She kissed you back earnestly, her fingertips grazing your arms. “Mmhmm..” she hummed, making your lips vibrate. “I wanna learn all about you…”

“I wanna learn about you too…” you assured her, pulling a few strands of hair from her eyes. “Okay with you if we do things a little backwards?” You asked, insinuating you want to get to know her physically, as soon as fucking possible. 

“More than okay.” She agreed. 

You reached down between you, pulling her thong to the side as you gently swiped your fingers through her, feeling her wetness already coating you. Her neck craned back a little at your touch, spurring you on to touch her again. First you let your middle and pointer fingers find her opening, swirling around just a bit to collect all that you could before traveling up, slowly as ever, one finger on either side of her vulva. You purposefully did this as slowly as possible, until you were confident she was comfortable. 

She closed her eyes, letting herself feel you touch her, and taking in the moment completely. Each time you traveled you added a little more pressure, bending your fingers just right to make her go crazy. Over and over, the torture of the tease making her react wildly. 

You watched her face as you finally found her clit, slowly making tiny intricate circles, slick with the wetness you'd collected. Her face scrunched up with building pleasure as her eyes popped open, eyebrows furrowed as she breathed a small exhale. 

“Fuck, Danny. You might already have me getting ready to…don’t stop doing that…” you knew you’d built it up for her, the slow circles making her entire body shudder. 

“You want me to keep going? Or you want me to fuck you?” You asked her, your voice low and confident. 

Her eyes popped open even wider. “Both, I mean…fuck me Danny, please..” she went on, completely falling apart already. Her hands were squeezing your arms, fingertips digging in hard. 

You groaned and hopped off the bed and dug for your wallet, finding the plastic wrapper right where you always kept it. You ripped it open with your teeth, pulling the contents out between your lips, and throwing the wrapper to the side. You rolled it over yourself as you lined up with her. 

“You’re fucking stunning, Cat. I never thought I’d get to do this with you…” you said, teasing her entrance with your impossibly hard length. Her hands were on your sides, pulling at your skin to hurry up. 

“Show me, Danny. Let me know…” she mumbled, bringing her hand to your face. You finally let yourself enter her, pressing in against her tight walls all the way to the hilt. You both fell into a pit of moans at the feeling of each other, finally getting what you’d both been asking for for days. 

She felt perfect around you, her hands already traveling up and down your back as you picked up a slow rhythm. Your hips were slowly snapping, rolling into her with a pace you knew would drive her wild. She bounced below you, her mouth and face painted with insane pleasure already. She looked perfect there, and you made sure to commit her to memory, just like this. 

“God you feel like fuckin heaven, baby…” you growled, picking her leg up to hitch over your hip. The new angle made her hands fly up above her head as she watched you fuck her, her eyelashes flitting open as closed just as her mouth did. You leaned down and held her hands down behind her,  finding yourself face to face with her again. You kissed her slow, letting your tongue reach deeply, sensually in as you continued your thrusts. God, this felt a lot like you were…

She was purring, her whines starting to become more strangled as your pointed thrusts rolled into slow waves. She broke away from your kiss. “I need you to go faster, I’m so close…please…”

“I thought you’d never ask…” you said, pulling yourself out and turning her over, flipping her to her stomach. She raised up on her elbows, and you used your knee to spread her legs. You grabbed her asscheek, squeezing it with one hand to separate her, entering her again from behind. 

“Fuuuuck!” She all but screamed, letting her face fall back into the bed sheets. You hitched her leg up, her knee pulled up beside her. She hooked her elbow into her knee, pulling herself apart wider for you as she turned her head to look at you. 

My. God. 

Your body was pressed almost completely against her, your thrusts now quicker and more furious at this sideways angle. 

“Is that where you want it, Cat? You feel it, baby?” You breathed. 

“Yes, Danny. Don’t stop, fuck…” the two of you were absolutely falling apart, grips and holds and hands that were most definitely going to leave bruises behind. “Please, harder…”

Well hot damn, she definitely was meeting your energy. 

“Yes ma’am.” You concurred, holding onto her shoulder for leverage as you pounded into her with ruinous thrusts, feeling yourself nearing the peak with her. She was so tight, so perfect in every way, you started to see stars as you felt her start to squeeze tighter around you. 

“Fuck, Cat…I’m close baby...” you breathed again. 

“Keep going, I’m almost…” she screeched, her hands gripping the bed sheets below her. In a shuddering, shaking mess of cries and wails, the two of you toppled over the edge together, riding out your blissful highs simultaneously. The way she felt below you as you came was like feeling the most perfect crescendo, letting the remnant jerks flow through your muscles until they relaxed on their own. 

You were a panting mess as you pulled out of her, standing to hurry to the bathroom to clean yourself up. You grabbed a wet washcloth and wiped yourself clean, and another one for her. 

You reentered the bedroom, handing her the warm wet cloth as she turned over to see your face. 

“Thank you.” She mumbled as she wiped her legs. “Danny, that was…”

“Fucking mind blowing? You’re…phenomenal, Cat. I can’t even…” you were lost for words as you kissed her shoulder, taking a deep breath as your heart rate finally calmed. 

“Better than mind-blowing, babe.” She grinned, turning to kiss you again. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? I know that’s kind of forward, but…it’s late and your place is kind of far…” 

You smiled. “Sure. You don’t care?”

“I promise I don’t mind. Plus, if you’re gonna do that to me ever again, I need to invite you to stay over at least a couple nights a week.” She joked, laughing with her tongue out. 

“Well, how about we see how much we have left in us tonight?” You suggested. 

“Don’t tell me you’re the high endurance type, too, Daniel. I might just fall apart.” She said, holding her hand over her heart. 

“Why, are you, too?” You asked. 

She nodded. “I most definitely am. That Brazilian stamina, hun. I can go all night.”

You felt your heart stop. “Finally, a woman that speaks my language. Where the hell did you come from, Catalina?”

You kissed her hard, feeling the familiar rush for going rounds building up again. She motioned with her hands in the air. “Right here, babe. Brasil…”

——

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you woke to your phone buzzing on the table beside you. You picked it up, eyes blurry and muscles sore. You finally focused to see a text from Y/N. Damn, it’s late…she and Jake must have had a fun night, too.

Y/N

4:53am: Want to talk to you as soon as we can, have something I wanna share with you. Tomorrow?

What the hell? Share with me? 

You

4:54am: Sure, whenever you want

You placed the phone back on the table, looking over to see Cat wrapped up in the sheets, breathing slowly as she slept. You leaned down and kissed her forehead, a gesture that felt way too intimate for this soon, but you just couldn’t help yourself. You hadn’t even thought about that NDA, and you prayed that it wasn’t going to be necessary. Your heart was already beating differently for this girl, and you were definitely falling harder than you’d ever anticipated. 

———

JAKE POV

Your fingertip barely ghosted across her face as she slept, tickling her nose, cheeks, lips…you were trying to wake her without waking her, still enjoying the peace of watching her sleep. Finally her hand darted up, swatting your hand away as if it were a bug on her face. You couldn’t help but laugh into your pillow. 

Her eyes shot open, realizing it was you, and she was pissed. “You asshole! I thought there was a spider on my face!” She spat, flipping over and hitting you in the face with her pillow. 

You chuckled even harder as she came and sat on top of you, pinning you down with the pillow still held to your face. “I could kill you now, Mr. Jokes…” she said through sputters of laughter. “You better watch it.”

You blindly felt for her shoulders, grabbing them as you pushed her away, tackling her back down into the bed. She’d dropped the pillow, and her tough facade as you pinned her to the mattress, face within inches of hers. “Good morning to you, too.” You rasped before crashing your lips onto hers. 

She giggled against you. “Stop, I have morning breath.” 

“So? So do I…” you quipped. She sighed as she got up from the bed, pacing into the bathroom for her morning routine. You laid with your hands behind your head, thinking of the night before, and how she said she wanted to be yours again. Finally. Your heart felt like it skipped a beat at the memory. 

When she finally came back out, refreshed and teeth brushed, she laid back down beside you. “You excited for Mexico?” You asked. 

“Yessss...very. I’m very excited. Biggest city in the world, you know. Lots of history.” She said, eyes glittering. 

“There is. I think there’s a few historic sites Josh wanted to visit. Richard actually has a couple planned, I think. It will be interesting.” You said, biting your lip in as you ran over the list in your head. 

“Sweet. I’m so excited to see some ancient ruins and stuff…I’m also excited for France. All of Europe, actually. Drink some of the real wine.” She lamented, leaning over to face you. 

“I fucking love Europe. I always feel so good there. I don’t know why.” And you truly didn’t. But you were raring to return. 

Y/N leaned back over after a few seconds, grabbing her phone from the charger. “I texted Danny last night, told him I wanted to talk to him. He’s the last person I need to tell about, ya know….” She drifted off. “Think we’re going to get a late breakfast.”

You cupped her cheek in your hand. “I’m so sorry you have to keep retelling that story, Y/N. I know that’s gotta be hard to talk about.”

“It is, but. It’s part of my healing process, I think. The more I talk about it, the less foreign it becomes. The more comfortable I feel. Like I don’t have as much to be so ashamed of, if that makes sense.” She smiled a tiny grin. 

You brushed your thumb across her cheek. “It does make sense. I’m really proud of you, baby. You seem like you’re...I dunno. Coming into your own a bit.” 

“I’m trying to, really. Josh has helped me so much, Jake. He makes me think about things in a different way, it’s crazy. I want to be the best version of myself, and he’s really helping me get there, I think.” She said, a true smile now crossing her still sleepy face. 

You felt the tiniest pang of jealousy in your gut, but it quickly faded away when you realized that there was no better person on earth to help her through her journey. Josh was perfect. And he was clear headed enough to be there for her. And most importantly, you both trusted him with your lives. 

“That’s so good baby. I’m happy for you.” You leaned forward and kissed her forehead. 

You both laid there for another few silent minutes before she spoke up again. 

“Can you believe what Sam said? A proposal…” she all but whispered. 

“I know, it’s…insane to think about. But, Elle has been around for a very long time. He seems really serious.” You relayed, the plaguing thought rushing back to the forefront of your mind, almost making you nauseous. “Y/N…I think, um.” You stumbled over your words, feeling them catch in your throat. 

Go on Jake, honesty…

“I think that had a lot to do with why I was being a such a dick there for a while.” You finally admitted. 

“What do you mean babe?” she asked, creases forming between her brow.

“When Sam told me he wanted to ask Elle to marry him, he also asked me something else. He asked me how I knew, with you.” You bit your lips again, looking away from her. 

She looked confused. “How you knew what, Jake?”

“That you were my absolute.” 

“Oh…” she breathed, unable to find words. 

“So I told him. Exactly how I knew. Exactly how it felt…and he agreed. Said that made it solid for him. But then…I had another weird feeling hit me.” Here goes nothing… 

“I started thinking like, I’m falling behind. Maybe I’m not as up on my personal life as I thought I was. Not as grown up as I should be. I thought I had it all together, for the most part, but. Maybe I’m not as mature as I need to be. I don’t know…watching your baby brother talk about marriage when it hasn’t really crossed your mind is just…” you covered your face with your hand. “Kind of felt like a shot to the heart.”

You took a few seconds to let it set in. You finally leaned into her, pulling her into your embrace. “I mean of course I think about our future, I don’t want that with anybody else, I never have, Y/N. But I’ve never really thought of it happening soon, I guess. Never think about like, a wedding and vows and the whole shabang… We’re just so busy…I just. Thought it would be further in the future. You know what I mean?” 

She nodded slowly, taking it in. “I think so, yeah.”

You sighed hard. “I guess I just never thought that Sam would be first. And it had me feeling…like you deserved better. Than that.”

HER POV

Deserved better? What does that mean? Doesn’t he know he hung the moon?

“Jake, what? That’s crazy, babe. No…I deserve everything you have ever wanted or will want to give me, because it’s coming from you. And vice versa. We’re working on this babe, but please don’t ever think I deserve better… you’re what I deserve…” you begged with him, bringing your hand over his face. 

“I mean I…guess I never thought Sam would be first either…” you thought for the smallest fleeting minuscule second about Sam marrying anyone, and your stomach flipped over on itself. It was new news that in Sam’s mind, for the longest time, he wanted to marry you. His thoughts about his future were with you, they always had been, before Elle. When he pictured his wedding, it was you walking toward him…his home full of your things…but apparently, you’d broken his heart without even realizing it. And in some wild, weird twisted way, he’d broken your heart, too. 

You swallowed down the bad taste that had risen in your throat, and continued on with the conversation. Things are different now. 

“It’s just. Not a big deal, it’s just hitting me kind of strangely. I want you to feel like we’re doing everything right. I just…realized I’ve not really thought about it very hard.” Jake said, his vulnerability making you both proud and sad. “Not as hard as Sam has, apparently…”

“Jake, you’ve got so much going on with the band and travel and everything. And our relationship has been on a bit of a rampage, lately.” You giggled, taking his hand. “Time doesn’t matter. Titles don’t matter to me, babe. All that matters is that we’re happy and moving forward, now. And I think we’re back on track, right?” 

He kissed your hand. “Yes. We are back on track. You still want me, right?” His eyes were wide, enamored. 

“I would want you for the next million years, Jake. I’d keep choosing you over and over. I swear I would…”

You both fell back into one another, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts. He hadn’t thought about marrying you, huh? Then why did you find an engagement ring in his suitcase?

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO

ANDY POV

“It’ll just be me tonight. I’ll take a seat at the bar, if that’s okay? Gracias…”

Pull your hat down lower, idiot. This isn’t the time to turn heads. Seat at the end, perfect. 

“Hola, good evening. Um, Modelo, por favor…” 

Sexy little bartender…where did they find her?

“Thank you, I’ll start a tab. That’s a beautiful top, by the way. Complements your eyes…”

Glad I brought my laptop. Looks natural. Pretending to work, ha. No. Research. Research, research….

They should be here any minute. Annnnny minute now. Guarantee that long table is for them and all their dumb little friends. Ugh…stupid, if they only knew. 

Click, click…there she is…Well hello, Sophia…there you are…*mark location*. She is beautiful. How did he ever let her go? And he traded her in for Y/N? 

Oh well…she’ll be mine soon. 

OH. Hello there…it’s been a while… sit with your back to me, Y/N, there you go. Perfect. 

Look at her in her tight little white dress, showing off her tits and legs tonight. Delicious choice. Ah, Jacob. Jacob, Jacob. Poor little weak fucker. Almost had him, if it weren’t for fucking Y/N and the chair across my back. Bitch. 

Look at them, the lovers. Makes me sick. His hand on her back, her shoulder, her waist…fuck. No way he fucks her better than I did. No way in hell…

Oh, and there’s Elle, pretty little Elle. I still remember the feeling of my hand on your head as I pushed it into the brick wall…you’ve grown up since then. Your body has filled out wonderfully…no wonder Y/N was interested in you, too…shit…

Mmm, they’re getting drunker. Perfect…keep those rounds coming…

JAKE POV

“Another round?” Sam asked the table as the waiter stood by. 

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Everyone grumbled, the food and the liquor swirling together, making your senses go wild. 

You leaned in close to Y/N, resting your mouth on her bare shoulder as you glanced up to her. 

“You look absolutely gorgeous tonight. That dress, you’re killin’ me, babe.” And she was. It fit her in all the right places, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to get it off of her as soon as you possibly could. 

She winked at you while she scrunched her nose. “Thank you, baby. You look handsome, too. I love when you get a little sunburn on your cheeks. So cute.” 

You blushed through the sunburn as you pulled away, her compliments always taking you by surprise, no matter what they were. You snaked your hand onto her thigh, raising it higher as you squeezed, pulling her dress up just slightly as you went. Her body stiffened just a bit. 

You took another drink with your free hand, collecting the droplets that had formed on the side of the glass with the side of your finger. Your mind began racing as you felt her hand cover yours, slowly guiding it higher and higher up her thigh. Oh. Thankfully you both were scooted far under the table, so the chance of anyone seeing your debauchery was slim. She pulled your wrist directly between her legs, pressing your fingers into her center. 

You closed your eyes tightly shut for a second, imagining what your fingers looked like on her already dripping folds. No panties. You leaned in close to her ear. 

“What’s got you so worked up already, hmm? It’s early in the night and you’re fucking soaked, baby…and we’re not even through dinner yet.” You whispered. 

You felt her take a deep breath, unable to really answer as she rolled her neck. 

“And no panties tonight? You must be fucking ready.”

She nodded just slightly enough for you to notice. You pulled away for a second to take another drink and bite of food, while your left hand fiddled away at her clit. Another fast glance around the table, and no one was even looking your way, all too taken up in their own drunken conversations. You glanced to Y/N, watching as she tried to qualm her facial expressions. You leaned in close again. 

“You can either wait until we get back to the hotel, or go take care of yourself in the bathroom. Your choice. But judging from how wet you are, I’d wager that you might not make it to the hotel at all…isn’t that right?” you growled, letting one finger slip inside her for a split second before taking it out again. 

She huffed, pushing your hand away with haste. 

You laughed, taking a piece of ice into your mouth and chewing. “You asked for it, babe.”

You watched as she stood quickly from her chair, pulling her dress back down into its rightful place hugging her thighs. 

“I’ll be right back.” She said as she grabbed her purse.

“Oh, Y/N, you going to the bathroom? I’ll go with…” Elle piped up. 

Probably not a good idea, Elle. 

“No no, I’m fine, I’ll be back in just a minute. Just gotta pee.” 

You chuckled to yourself, knowing exactly why she was running off to the bathroom, and that she truly probably would be back in just a minute. 

ANDY POV

Ohhhh Jacob. You cocky fucker. You think no one can see you playing with her pretty pussy under the table, don’t you? Think you’re being so secretive while you undo her, making her squirm in her chair…probably soaking it all the way through, ha. 

I wonder if she remembers how we used to fuck in my backseat, how I used to drive us way out on the outskirts of town, lock the doors and punish her cunt over and over again. Always so obedient for me…even if she said she didn’t want to, didn’t feel like it…she always did. It was part of the game…

Or the time she broke free out the door of the car, falling onto the ground as she did, tears streaming down her face, running through the grassy field as I followed after her, chasing her until I caught her…she fell to the ground and I tried to reprimand her for running…why did you run, sweet girl? Why don’t you want to fuck me again?

Anyway, she took it right then and there. Half naked in the muddy field. She knew better than to run, so I showed her I could catch her. I always catch her…

Click…click…type…

God, I still can’t believe I made it into their house! Shit. The most exhilarating break-in yet… and the alarm didn’t even go off. It was like the stars had aligned. No sign of forced entry (because I am good like that), no alarm sounding, and no police…the most perfect set up. 

And, not to mention. I got exactly what I went for, plus some. It still amazes me how little they lock down their things…hah. Naive fuckers…no match for my skills…

Fuck. Replaying the moment of when I found what I wasn’t even searching for still makes me fucking hard…his guitar? Boring. His little art doodle book? Child’s play. But the best…the best part of the break-in…

Her stupid fucking journal. Yoga with Josh, self-awareness, healing, meditation…hippy dippy b u l l s h i t if you ask me. And there...at the very very last page. Jackpot. The little photo image of my unborn child. My sweet creation, there in black and white, not even old enough to breathe. 

And she took it. Fucking cunt. 

“Uno mas, por favor. And a shot of Patrón? Gracias…”

Tequila burn, down the hatch…

Anyway, she fucking took it. My flesh and blood. Never to be seen again. And then she left, gone, running off to her little Jacob and his stupid little rock band…fuck. They didn’t even know. They had no clue that she said she’d love me until the end of time…she had just gotten sidetracked. 

Well. I’m here to remind her. Always reminding her of my undying love for her…fucking bitch. 

Even better? They don’t know I have much more evidence of her and Sam’s little escapades, ooooh the photos that I have… would ruin them. RUIN THEM. Oh, Las Vegas wasn’t even the worst of their worries…Fucking skank, sleeping with brothers…disgusting. But we’ll keep those tucked away for a rainy day…

Click…click…type…

Oh, sweet girl, going to the bathroom? Alone? Did precious Jacob get you so worked up that you have to go fuck yourself in the bathroom stall now? Bet so. How sweet. 

Now’s the time And-o…now is the fucking time... 

JAKE POV

“Josh will you ever stop telling that fucking joke? Damn…” you prodded playfully at your twin as he slapped his own knee at the punchline, again. 

“It’s my favorite joke, and I’m gonna tell it till I’m blue in the face, Jake. Fuck. Just go with it, ok?” Josh spat. 

The tequila was making itself at home in your joints and muscles, relaxing your arms and hands as they’ve been worked so hard lately. You rubbed your fingers together on your left hand, still feeling the remnants of Y/N there from earlier, imagining her in the bathroom right now, giving herself a preview of what you’d be doing to her in just an hour’s time. 

You rubbed your fingers together on the opposite hand, feeling that ever-present soreness creeping back in, the pain you’d inevitably feel for the rest of your life, that night at the bar forever ingrained in the scars on your hands. You flexed your fingers, stretching them out as your knuckles popped. 

ANDY POV

Ahh, right where I want you, my sweet Y/N…alone in the bathroom, fingering yourself into ecstasy, completely unknowing that I’m on my way. 

Ready to interrupt you. 

Knock, knock, gorgeous…

I hear you in there…I’d know those sounds anywhere…

“Ma’am, you’re needed outside. There’s an emergency with a member of your party.”

Hah, so gullible. Didn’t you recognize the sound of my voice, sweet girl? 

Hello, again. It’s me. 

“Walk. Outside. You had better play it cool if you know what’s best for you. You know what I’m capable of. Act. Fucking. Natural.”

That’s right…right through the restaurant like nothing is amiss.

No, Ah, ah, don’t turn around. Precious Jacob isn’t even looking this way. Wouldn’t even take you to the bathroom to fuck you like he should have, after getting you so worked up like he did…tsk tsk. I would have…

“Walk. Go.”

Oh, your skin feels so soft, so silky, just like I remember. And….you smell divine, love. The scent of your arousal coming out of your pores still…fuck, I want to taste it on you…lick it off you…

Wait until you see this shiny new switchblade I got, it’s sexy. I know you always enjoyed a bit of knife play, didn’t you? That’s why I bought this. That’s why I scarred your leg with one, I know you like it. You’re welcome. 

Why am I here, you ask? What am I doing? 

Getting what’s mine. 

Am I not allowed to say that I missed you? That I love you? My sweet girl…so beautiful in every way. My little slut. 

“Keep walking, around the corner to where you parked your van.”

Oh, you don’t love me, you say? You never loved me at all? 

But I made you a child...I gave you the greatest gift of them all!! What do you mean you don’t love me?!

“You TOOK IT FROM ME! 

Jacob…took EVERYTHING I love…”

Fuck you. 

You know you still love me…you told me, over and over and over…

The baby wouldn’t have survived, you say? 

I didn’t ever hurt you, Y/N. All those times, you said I hurt you, but I didn’t. I didn’t!!! The bruises, you loved them. You loved it when I controlled you…claimed what was truly mine…left my marks on you…just like that one on your inner thigh…reminds you of me, doesn’t it, kitten?

Oh, you never wanted me? Even from the start, is that so, Y/N? 

Don’t you remember the good times, Y/N? All those times we talked about the future, marriage, a house, and kids…you wanted me. I know you did. Even if you don’t anymore…

“But I can’t accept that. We can’t have you running around like you’re so innocent…”

HAHA. Stop lying to yourself, Y/N. I know you still love Sam. Though you keep lying to yourself and everyone else…it’s obvious and it’s true. And they know it. 

“Get on your f u c k i n g knees. NOW.”

Right beside this stupid van of yours. They might find you here. They might not. 

Hhahaha. Look at you. Your makeup is streaming down your face. Don’t cry, Y/N. Don’t scream. Hmm, I know what will help. Duct tape. Right across your pretty little mouth.  Such a shame, I’d really like to fuck that pretty mouth first, but. Maybe next time. 

Hands up, baby. You know the drill. Wrists together. 

“Don’t fucking fight me…you know better.”

*zip* 

Perfect. All tied up and nowhere to go. How gorgeous you look there, on your knees for me. 

“Do not get up. Do not run from me, bitch!”

SLAM. 

Ah, I tried to tell you, love. I tried to warn you not to fight me, not to run. And look where it got you. A nice bruise on the side of your head. 

Oh, you’re dizzy aren’t you? A little lightheaded from denting the van with your skull? Pitiful. 

“Lay down. Lay the fuck down.” 

There we are. Your hands are tied to the frame now. Stop whimpering. Look at your knees, scuffed and muddy from the gravel, your sexy white dress stained, your mascara pouring…tktkttk. Wish I had a camera. 

Oh wait, I don’t have a camera.  But I do have a photo… let’s post a nice little picture to our Instagram, shall we? A sweet little reminder of what you took from me…let’s show them, huh baby? 

*post*

“There we go.”

JAKE POV

Just then, your phone lying on the table right next to Elle’s buzzed and lit up with notifications at the same time. Huh. Your eyes flicked to hers, we must be in a group chat or something. You both picked up your phones, seeing at the same exact time that it was a notification from Andy’s Instagram account. 

*New post*

You felt your stomach drop as you looked to Elle, the same panic written on her face as she opened the notification, too. 

Oh my fucking god. 

A photo of the sonogram, lying on top of Y/N’s journal, with your acoustic in the background. 

You could hardly fathom what you were seeing, your eyes flicking from side to side as confusion set in. You studied it a bit harder, zooming in to look around. Fuck. Those are your hardwood floors. 

“Jake…is that…?” Elle said from across the table. 

“That’s inside my fucking house.” You spat, your heart beginning to race. 

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Josh spoke up, noticing the change in the air. 

“Jake, where is Y/N?” Elle asked, adding to your growing anxiety. 

“She’s, she’s in the bathroom, fuck…” you glanced at your phone. “She’s been gone for like 15 minutes…” you stood up, Elle and Josh following suit. 

“What’s wrong?” You heard Danny and Sam add in, also standing like the rest of the table. You did a quick scan around the restaurant, looking to see if she had gone to the bar or something. Nothing. 

“It’s ok Jake, I’ll go run and see if she’s still in the bathroom.” Elle said, sprinting away. 

“What the hell, Jake? What’s happening?” Josh finally said, stepping closer toward you with the other two. You pulled your phone back out and opened Instagram, showing them that Andy had posted a photo of the sonogram from inside your house. 

“He broke into our house. And Y/N went to the bathroom like, 15 minutes ago. She said she’d be right back…” 

Just then Elle re-emerged from the bathroom, looking at you and shaking her head no as she made her way back to the group. She held her hands up, holding Y/N’s purse and phone. 

No, god, please…

Seconds later the waiter is approaching with a strange look on his face, as you turn to look at him.

“Hola, senor. Uh, he say give to you?” He speaks in broken English, handing you a napkin before walking away.

He? He who?

“Who!” you shout, but he’s already gone.

You open the napkin, and your breath catches in your throat. The fucking sonogram? What the fuck!

You flip it over, seeing a note written on the back that makes your blood run cold. The hair on the back of your neck stands up as your eyes scan the restaurant.

“What in the absolute fuck. Oh my fucking god.” you say, looking at everyone. You shoot up from the table searching everywhere for her, but there's so many people and none of them are her, you start to spin out.

“What, what Jake!?” Josh urges.

“He’s fucking here! He’s fucking here and he has her, I know he does!” you yell.

“No! No there’s no way right? Let’s go outside and look around, ask the hostess… maybe she just stepped out for some air.” Josh suggested as everyone walked hastily toward the door. 

“Y/N!” You yelled as soon as you got outdoors. But as you were met with no response you felt your stomach drop. You knew this was no use. You knew something was wrong. 

ANDY POV

They should be coming along soon, you’ve been gone a while. And that post will set them off. Too bad you’re all the way out here…

Hmmm… one last thing before I go. How about another little reminder? Something to show your precious Jacob what you stole from me? Hm? 

Watch how this switchblade opens so nicely…

Right across your belly, here. Ah, yes…perfect. Let’s make this little white dress crimson red…you look better in red, love…Oh, don’t scream baby. No one can hear you. 

I see the life leaving your eyes, sweet girl. 

But don’t worry, you’ll be back soon, it’s just shock. 

I hear their voices calling for you, searching…

But you aren’t able to answer them, are you baby?

“This blade is beautiful against your face…your throat…”

It’s time I go, my sweet girl…I hear them getting closer…sweet dreams…

——

SAM POV

The ground is still slick from the rain, the gravel sliding around under your shoes as you frantically comb the parking lot for any sight of her. Where the fuck is she? Your heart is pounding in your ears as your eyes scan for her white dress. Nothing.

“See anything?” Josh pants, rushing to your side.

“No I–I’m gonna go check the back of the building. Where's Jake?” you ask panic stricken, eyes darting around.

“He was going back to check inside, I don’t know, fuck! Where the fuck did she go?” he says, slamming his hand against the brick wall.

“Find Elle!” you plead with him, as he nods his head and takes off in the other direction.

“Daniel!” you yell, hoping he can hear you.

He jogs over to you, panting as he continues to search the parking lot, “I swear to god if I see that motherfucker it is over. It’s fucking OVER ANDY!” he screams through the row of cars.

“Daniel! Fuck! Look at me!” you shout, drawing his attention back to you. “Go find security, call someone, call anyone, just get security here now!”

He pulls his phone from his pocket, his hands shaking as he holds the phone to his ear. 

“I’m gonna go to the back of the building, keep looking!” you shout. There’s no way they could’ve gone too far. 

As you maneuver through the muddy sidewalk you see your van parked in the alleyway, casting a glance over to it to see the driver gone. What the fuck?

You quickly avert your path heading straight for the van and as you approach you feel all the blood drain from your body. 

HOLY FUCK.

You sprint to the side of the van seeing Y/N’s legs laying lifeless and unmoving underneath. Oh my god! What the fuck what the fuck!

You throw yourself to the ground trying to grab her body and pull her out from the underside of the car, but she’s stuck. You lean down to get a better angle to see what’s holding her there, but it's so dark you can only feel with your hands the plastic around her wrists. Your heart is pounding so hard that everything is silent, your ears are ringing a high pitched squeal that is so deafening you feel like your head might explode. 

“Y/N!” you cry out. “Y/N please please!” you beg, willing her to turn her head towards you, but still she lay unmoving. Is she dead oh my god is she dead!?

Her entire abdomen is covered in blood, the puddle of dirty water beneath her tinged with red as it seeps into the denim of your pants. You grab her arm to pull her out, and that's when you discover the zip ties on her wrists were restraining her to the frame of the van.

“Y/N, no! No! Nononono!” you plead, putting your hand on her cold neck. 

“JAKE!” you scream as loud as you can. Please please Jake can you hear me!

Someone please! The tears are flowing from your eyes as you try to pull on the zip ties, trying to free her, with no luck. Blood, there is so much blood. She can’t be gone. She can’t go. She can’t leave me!

“JOSH! DANIEL! HELP ME!” you scream, a guttural sound you’re not sure you’ve ever produced. 

You reach under to grab her face, begging to feel her breath on your hand. Her face is wet and sticky and the smell of iron makes you sick. You’re gonna be sick. Your fingers feel the duct tape covering her mouth, as a scream rips through your chest. 

“SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE!” you yell, seeing feet running towards you from underneath the van. 

“Oh my god! Sam! Get her! Help her!” Josh urges, falling to his knees next to you, but suddenly it hits you. Jake.

“Josh! No! Get Jake out of here! He can’t see…” you beg.

“Pull her out Sam what are you doing! Get her out!” Daniel yells.

“I CAN’T SHE’S STUCK–SHE’S ZIPTIED I NEED A KNIFE!” you scream. “SHES NOT BREATHING SHE’S FUCKING BLEEDING EVERYWHERE PLEASE!”

You grab her face in your hands, turning her to look at you, willing her to just open her eyes, begging and pleading with her not to leave you. You could hardly see her features in the darkness, but her eyes were partly open, not focusing. “Please, please Y/N…wake up, please. I need you to wake up. I’m right here. I’m not leaving you…” you pleaded, your mouth to her ear. 

She can’t leave you like this. 

But nothing.

Suddenly everything is moving in slow motion, you can hear the garbled tones of your brothers yelling at you. You can feel Daniel’s hands as he pulls you away from her, her body laying cold on the concrete. You can see Elle as she screams and digs through her purse, but you can’t move. It was like you were watching everything unfold from somewhere miles away, in another person’s body. 

Completely against your will, you empty the contents of your stomach onto the pavement, the crippling nausea rolling through you as you recall the feel of her limp body in your hands. You throw yourself against the wheel well just staring as the horrific scene plays out in front of you.

Josh grabs your face, words spilling from his lips but all you can hear is the piercing ringing accompanied by the beating of your heart in your chest. You’re frozen. She’s gone. You’re gone. 

JOSH POV

“JAKE NO! WAIT!” you scream, seeing him running towards you. You do your best to keep him back, knowing that if she really is gone, this is not how he needs to find her. He barrels past you anyways, his rage boiling over in a way you’ve never seen before.

You look behind you seeing Sam in shock as he sits completely frozen in place against the wheel of the van. His face is pale and white and he's covered in blood and dirty water, completely shaking head to toe as Elle screams at him to come back to Earth. He can’t. How could he?

“BLOOD? WHERE IS SHE WHERE THE FUCK IS–” he screams, stopping as he sees Daniel underneath the van. The pitch of his voice is unlike anything you’ve ever heard before. Pure unadulterated terror. 

You watch as the realization washes over his face, sending a lightning bolt of pain right through the both of you. 

“Jake!” You beg, watching him drop to his knees to grab her, “Jake she’s zip tied don’t pull on her, you’ll break her wrists!” you plead.

“Give me a knife! Give me something! PLEASE!” he cries, a complete sob wracking through his body. “Please fucking help me!” 

The crippling pain washing through your chest is enough to take your breath away. A tear falls from your eye as you struggle to catch your breath. “We’re trying Jake!”

“JAKE HERE!” Elle screams, pulling a small pocket knife from her purse. 

You watch him slide out from underneath the van, completely covered in dirty water and gravel and the blood of the love of his life, ripping the knife from Elles hands, as he sobs.

“Y/N PLEASE PLEASE!” he says, violently sawing away at the thick plastic ties.

You hear the metallic clank of the knife hitting the pavement, as she drops her arms to the ground with a thud. 

Daniel grabs her feet and pulls her out from under the van, where the dim yellow light on the side of the building fully illuminates her state. Oh my fucking god. There’s blood. So much blood. Her dress completely saturated from a slice to her stomach. What a sick fucking human being.

“She’s not breathing! She’s not breathing! What do I do! Help me!” Jake begs, pleading for help to anyone who can hear him. 

Jake pulls her up into his arms, and you’re sure he can’t see anything through his tears as he shakes violently trying to tear away the silver duct tape from her mouth. 

“Jake be careful you’ll rip her skin!” Elle pleads, hysterically crying. She bends down next to her, grabbing both of Y/N’s wrists as the color slowly starts to come back to her purple hands. “She has a pulse…it’s barely...”

“CALL SECURITY RIGHT NOW!” you scream.

“I did!” Daniel yells back.. 

Sam still sits in shock watching the scene unfold, his mouth open and his eyes wide with tears.

“Sam! Fucking help!” Jake begs him. “Help me Sammy! Please! I can’t lose her!” 

Your heart drops into your stomach, you know he is pushing his pain through to you. The pain far too great to bear on his own. You step in, helping remove the tape from her mouth, a faint barely there breath coming through her nose onto your fingers.

“SHE’S BREATHING!” you shout frantically, continuing to pull the metallic tape from her bloody lips. “I think she’s just in shock! She’s breathing Jake I swear I felt it!”

Jake continues to hold her in his arms, feeling her cold wet skin. “Please baby. Please don’t go. I’m here okay? I’m right here. Don’t leave me Y/N. I’m so sorry. For all of it, okay, I love you, please, please!” he cries, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Where is she bleeding from! I need something to stop the bleeding! Where is it coming from!” he yells.

“Put pressure on it, quick!” Elle yells, taking off her jacket to press to the bleeding wound.

“Jake… he sliced across her stomach…” you say, watching as he pulls back the saturated fabric. “Oh my GOD! I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM!” 

Daniel takes off into the parking lot screaming for Andy, daring him to show his face. You knew there was nothing you could do to stop him. He would kill him if he found him. 

“Jake, we have to get her into the van, we have to get the fuck out of here. She needs medical attention.” Elle yells.

“She has to wake up! She can’t go Elle! Make her wake up!” he begs, his eyes filled with pain as he feels her limp body in his arms. 

“Put her feet up Jake!” she points, “Lift them in the air!”

You scramble around to her side, grabbing the dead weight, and lifting them up just enough to cause the blood to rush back to her brain.

Your tears continue to fall watching Jake plead for her, beg for her not to leave him. He can’t lose her. If he loses her, you’ll lose him too. 

“Come on Y/N! Please! Come on!” you cry, shaking her legs as you held them up, a last ditch effort to rouse her. 

“ANDY!” you hear Daniel screaming from the parking lot. “Where are you motherfucker!!”

“She’s dead…” Sam wails.

“She’s not dead Sam, she’s–she’s in shock. Come back to us, we need you. We need your help Sammy. She needs you.” you try to coax.

Sam snaps his head over to Jake who is whispering against her head as he rocks them back and forth. 

“She's okay Sammy, Jake is just scared. It’s okay. She will be okay.” you say, completely unknowing whether that was true or not. 

Danny returns seconds later with a wet dinner napkin, crouching down next to her, and placing it over her face. 

“Don't cover her face, are you crazy!?” you snap.

“Just trust me! My sister passed out once and this worked!” he yells, shaking with rage.

You see her leg start to move, kicking violently as she tries to lift her arms.

Daniel rips the rag away, “Jake blow on her face.” he instructs. Jake grabs her cheeks, blowing on her as he continues to shake. 

“Just give her a second, she's coming back.” Danny says, placing a hand on his shoulder.

A gasp of air has her eyes shooting open, as she struggles in Jake’s arms, remembering the last place she was. 

Sam starts to sob as Elle rushes to him, pulling him into her grip. “Shh…shhh…. It’s okay baby, she’s okay, she’s not leaving you. She’s gonna be okay.”

Y/N pushes away from Jake with a scream, clutching her abdomen with bloody hands. She looks down at the gash across her body, crying out in pain as her hands move to travel to the side of her head. She’s disoriented, you can tell by the look in her eyes as she searches the faces around her, like a trapped animal looking for an escape. Her eyes meet Jake’s and her body softens.

Jake lifts a hand to her, touching her shoulder hesitantly, “Baby…” he breathes.

You can feel your heart pounding out of your chest as you watch her face fall, as she collapses back into him with a sob. “It’s Andy…it’s–he…he’s here– he trapped me in the bathroom– I couldn’t–you…I saw, and he–” she stammers, trying to get out a coherent thought.

Jake rips his shirt from his body, wrapping it around her shivering frame, pulling her into him as tightly as he could. You watch the tears continue to fall between the two of them, both of them knowing that this could have ended so much worse. He grabs for her desperately. You know then he will never, ever, let her go. 

“I know baby, I know. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go alone. I should have never let you go without me.” he sobs.

“Oh my god. Oh my god did—did he…” he asks, looking at her, eyes flicking up and down her body for any signs of sexual trauma. “Did he touch you?”

“No—I don’t know. He knocked me out—I can’t remember I…I don’t know Jake…please it hurts so bad please…” she stammers, clutching her stomach as hot tears roll down her face. 

“Shhh it’s okay baby it’s okay…you’ll be okay. ” he tries to soothe her, but the look on his face is complete and utter defeat as his eyes gloss over and his mind wanders. 

His eyes suddenly shoot up to yours, “The photo.” he breathes.

Elle hears him and pulls it from her bag with a shaky hand, extending it to you. 

Her sonogram, from years ago… The same one she showed you. You looked to Jake with questioning eyes, him silently telling you to turn it over. 

‘Next time it will be for good…’

There wasn’t a single doubt in your mind that he planned to make good on that threat. He’d just proven his devotion to his sick and twisted cause. 

Watching your flesh and blood endure what they did tonight ignited a protective flame in you that you never knew existed. This wasn’t just Andy following you around and stealing your things anymore. This was a direct premeditated attack on your family. Your brothers. Your sister. 

You knew right then that you had to protect her with your life, you all did. Because if you didn’t, Jake would protect her with his. And while a life without her was unimaginable, a life without them both was a fate far, far worse. 

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@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner @eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @violet-hayes@indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler21 @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta @becinabubblegvf @hanntisocial @demonrat444 @mrbrownstne @gretabyss @bizzielisteningtogreta @samsbirks @jakes-archer @laneygvf @jaketsword @hangvf @indigostreakmorgan @sadiextricia @thunderstomp-and-tequila @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @lyndz2names @brujamagik @overtheehillsandfaraway @gretavanfan @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @slightly-russian

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“There’s nothing around us,” you paused to open up your hands - motioning to the empty field that surrounds the black SUV. “Oh wait…I think I can hear a cow mooing in the distance.” 

“Ha ha. Smartass. Get out of the car.” You could see a little grin making its way onto Jake’s face as he tried not to laugh at your joke. 

“Promise you’re not going to murder me?” 

“I promise…well, I want you to enjoy this picnic before I kill you. It’s the least I could do.” 

Jake winked at you as he closed the car door, walking over to the trunk of the car, opening it and pulling out a brown whittaker basket. 

“You going to join me? Or are you just going to keep staring at me that whole time?” 

Closing your mouth and taking a deep breath, you opened up the car door, finding yourself once again, doing whatever Jake wants you too.  As you got out of the car you couldn’t help but to admire him in the sunset. The way his hair was laying messily on his shoulders, he couldn’t stop running his fingers through his locks - a nervous habit that he had, the way how the orange glow was radiating around him, making him look more like a God. 

Fuck, how is that even possible? 

It was almost as if he could feel your eyes on him. He turned his head slightly to you, giving you one of the softest smiles you’ve ever seen grace his features. You knew that you were slowly falling for him, but this? This right here could be your downfall.

“Can you help me with the blanket?” Jake’s voice cracked as he turned his head to face forward again. 

No, he can’t be nervous, could he? 

Instead of responding, you made your way over to stand directly in front of him, just a couple of inches separating the two of you. Your eyes locked as you knelt down to grab part of the black blanket that was almost touching the ground, noticing how Jake’s breath caught in the back of his throat as you slowly made your way back up - making sure that your face would purposely be by the crotch of his jeans.  

“Stop that.” 

“Me? I’m not doing anything?” You exclaimed as you brushed your knuckles against his, before stepping away from him completely, letting the length of the blanket separate the two of you. 

“You know what you’re doing. Stop trying to wake him up.” 

“Him? Don’t tell me you’re the type of guy who names his dick.” 

“So what if I am?” 

“What’s it called? Anaconda? Your sword? Mini Me?” 

“Shut up. Lay the blanket down.” Jake mumbled - avoiding your eye contact as he lowered the fabric to the ground and sunk down to his knees. 

“Shut up. Lay the blanket down.” You parroted back, watching in amusement as his cheeks flushed a light pink.

“Quit that.” 

Rolling your eyes, you followed his actions of sitting on the blanket, putting a couple of inches in between you two. Everytime Jake would lift something out of the basket, you would grab it out of his hand , trying to ignore the little fire that would ignite in your stomach everytime your fingers would brush. Once everything was laid out, you watched as Jake let out a soft sigh and moved himself to the whole other side of the blanket - turning himself so he was staring directly at you. 

“What?” Jake asked innocently as he tilted his head. 

“The sunset’s that direction.” You let out a soft giggle, raising your hand and pointing directly behind him. 

“I know.” 

“So? You’re not going to watch it?” 

“I’d rather look at you if that’s alright.” Jake shrugged, opening a bottle of water, giving you a tiny little smirk as he brought the bottle to his lips.  

You could feel a tiny blush rising across your cheeks and your chest - you absolutely hated it. You already were trying to get accustomed to the fact that you were pretending to be a man’s girlfriend for money - but the last thing you wanted to do was start to develop feelings past platonic with him. It’ll complicate things. You can’t even count how many times you have had to tell yourself that within the past month. Constantly having an internal battle between right and wrong. 

“Judging by how red you’re getting, I would say it’s more than alright.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Shut up.”  You shot him a glare in hopes to get him to stop talking. 

“Doesn’t feel so good when someone mocks you, does it?” Jake spoke with a little giggle, as he reached forward to grab a grape. 

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you.” 

“Well you don’t make me laugh, so I gotta make myself do it.” 

Your mouth opened in a gasp as you registered what he said, finding yourself blushing even more - a steady heat starting to ignite all over your body. 

“Close your mouth. I’m not in the mood to fuck your pretty little mouth right now, I’m trying to be romantic.” 

“You? Romantic? Don’t make me laugh.” You rolled your eyes at the long haired man in front of you - you had to at least play hard to get, you didn’t want him to know that you have been swooning on the inside since he chose to face you instead of the orange painted sky. 

“Fine, this isn’t a date. It’s just a sugar daddy getting to spend alone time with his sugar baby.” 

“Good.” 

Damnit. You thought to yourself as Jake broke out into a toothy grin, removing his sunglasses and hanging them off the collar of his shirt. 

“Here.” You were snapped out of your little daydream to find Jake holding out a container of Granny Smith Apples with a small round black container sitting on top of it. 

“What’s that?”

“Oh, I thought these were your favorite apples.” Jake’s voice almost disappeared as he finished the sentence. 

“No. They are my favorite. I just meant what’s in the black container.” You stopped him from pulling back the container by putting a hand on his wrist - holding him delicately in place. 

“It’s peanut butter and honey, you said that was your favorite to dip it in, right?”

He remembered, you could feel your heart swelling at the tiny action. 

“Yeah, it’s my favorite.” 

It grew silent between the two of you as you sat there and picked at all the snacks Jake had packed. Every so often, you two would make eye contact, staring softly at each other until the other would break away and look down at the ground.

“20 Questions?” 

“Huh?” Jake lifted his eyes eight from the slices of mozzarella cheese to meet your line of vision, blushing lightly when he noticed you were already looking at him. 

“20 questions? You know, the game where you ask the other person questions to get to know them more?” 

“I know what it is. I just wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly. Ask away.” Jake rolled his eyes at you in a playful manner. 

“You go first. I suggested the game.” 

“Okay……are you a virgin?”

“Jacob…” You scolded him in a teasing tone, knowing that of course, he would poke fun at your suggestion. 

“Alright, alright. Let me think for a second..” The long haired man trailed off, looking out towards the sunset in a trance, him pushing his tongue into the side of his cheek. 

“Favorite color?” 

“That’s the question? That’s all you came up with?” You looked over at him, raising your eyebrows, feeling a little shocked that was the only thing he could come up with to ask you. 

“Yes, that is my question. I think it’s important that we get to know the little things about each other, before we know each other’s deepest darkest secrets.” Jake leaned forward, squinting his eyes at you speaking as if he was stating facts. 

“Why do you think that’s important?” 

“Excuse me? It was my turn to ask the question, not yours. Don’t be rude.” Jake sucked his teeth at you. 

“Maroon. Now answer my question.” 

“You don’t care to know mine?” Jake let out a short breath, placing a hand over his heart like he was wounded by your words. 

“Jake, I would love, if you would do the honor of letting me know your favorite color.” 

“You sure know how to capture my heart, don’t you? Emerald green.” 

“Green?”

“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?” 

“Is that why you were so adamant on me wearing a green dress the night we met?” 

“No…well kind of. Deandra sent me a photo of you, and I knew since the moment I saw you that you would look good in green. Nothing wrong with wanting to see a beautiful lady in my favorite color.” 

You couldn’t find the words to say, feeling dumb founded at this exact moment. Your insides were practically turning as you processed everything Jake was saying, maybe he was trying to be serious about the romance. 

“Don’t get all shy on me now.” Jake smirked, looking over at you, his eyes getting bigger in size as he took in how nervous you looked all of a sudden.  “Are you going to ask me a question or are you going to keep looking at the grass? I promise it’s not going anywhere.” 

“Favorite food?”

“Italian. You?” 

“Probably Spanish, there’s nothing better than going to XOCO, sitting on the patio outside, sipping a margarita, and watching the sunrise.” You hummed out to him, reminiscing on all the afternoons you spent at the table in the back of the patio watching the sky turn different colors until nightfall, something about it was so peaceful to you. 

“I’ll take you to Mexico one day, you’ll love it.” Jake spoke absentmindedly. 

“You’d want to take me on a trip?” You choked out, reaching over to grab the bottle of white wine, he had just removed from the basket. You audibly gulped as you looked at the bottle weighing heavily in your hands -  Chateau La Mission Haut Brion - Blanc. 

White wine, but the thing is, this just wasn’t an ordinary bottle of white wine - this was the wine that your parents had gifted you when you completed law school. They told you to make sure to save it for a special occasion, and you did just that. The bottle sat firmly on top of the black cabinet in your kitchen. You told Jake this story during a late night conversation, complaining to him about how you were tempted so badly to open it and pour yourself a glass, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. 

“What’s this?” 

“Just a random bottle I had lying around my house.” 

“Jake.” 

“I may have sent Josh out to get it this morning when you were sleeping.” 

“How did..” You trailed off, trying to find the correct wording for the sentence, you didn’t want to assume that he remembered this minor detail.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I pay attention to everything that you tell me.” Jake rolled his eyes playfully. “Besides, I’m not a huge fan of white wine, but this one’s good and I figured this is kind of a special occasion. 

You weren’t sure how many questions were asked between the two of you - but you were positive that it was more than twenty. The air around the two of you felt different. You tried finding the words to describe it, but you couldn’t. You weren’t sure if it was because the questions turned from getting to know the small things about each other to getting to know big details about each other’s lives. He had asked you about your childhood, wanting to know every little detail about your family and you did the same. If you were lying to yourself you would say that Jake wasn’t letting his guard down around you - but he was. 

It scared you more than you wanted it to. Somehow throughout the conversations, you two had all but finished the bottle, giggling at each other from the top of your glasses, holding eye contact for  a couple of seconds before one of you would have to look away from the intensity of it. You weren’t sure how late it was, noticing how the sky had lost the orange hue and turned black, with only the light from the moon shining down upon you. 

You hated yourself for it but you had one question that kept popping up in your mind relentlessly. 

“So can I ask you something?” You looked up at him timidly. 

“I thought that’s what we were doing all along.” 

“Shut up.” You found yourself chuckling as Jake busted out into a contagious fit of giggles. His cheeks turning rosy from the mixture of alcohol and the laughter. 

“Ask away.” 

“Did you…did you k-” 

“Did I kill Koszak?” Jake turned dead serious as he took the words out of your mouth. You were positive that he could hear you gulping - trying to swallow down your nerves. 

“You really think I’m capable of doing that?” Jake shook his head, looking up at the moon, staring at it lost in thought. 

“Well, I have been warned about y-” 

“So you decide that those rumors are true? Unbelievable.” He scoffed “I know I have a temper and I don’t always know how to control it. Yes, I can be merciless to some people. But, to accuse me of murder? What the fuck? You really think that low of me?” 

“Jake….I don’t think you are capable of doing it, but it just scared me. You were pissed off at the whole situation, you had Josh stalking my every move and then you come walking into the bedroom with blood covering you! What am I supposed to think? Please tell me!” 

The tones of calm in the air quickly turned into anger as you both sat up on your knees, staring at one another. Neither backing down from each other. If looks could kill.

“That’s when you trust your fucking gut and trust that I’m not that type of person.” 

A couple of minutes had passed between the two of you - both of you just continuously staring, trying to think through the thoughts that were bombarding your mind. 

“Look, I don’t want to fight with you.” Jake spoke softly, reaching out and grabbing your hand, softly pulling you towards him. “You want the truth?” 

You nodded sheepishly at him as you crawled your way over to him. The coldness of the night started to fade away as you were surrounded by the warmth that radiated off of him. 

“Yes, I do work for some dangerous people and yes, I am on their defense team. That’s how I made all my money. Yes, I was extremely angry with you when you went against my word and got on that fucking airplane alone with Koszak. I was trying to protect you. I don’t think you understand how dangerous he was.”

He paused briefly to look down at you - taking a deep breath preparing himself for what he was about to say next. 

“I don’t know what it is about you…but I feel the need to protect you. Just let me do that y/n. I know I can be controlling but it’s because I’m worried about what could possibly happen to you.” 

Fuck. You felt as if he had punched you right in the stomach, making all the air leave your body.  

“I was pissed, I was - no I wanted to kill him. But I could never do that. I called some of the people I worked for and cashed in on a couple of favors that they owe me and I did what I had to do to make sure he would never lay his hands on you again.” Jake puffed out his cheeks and slowly blew the air out, trying to calm himself. “Baby, you’ve got to believe me. I would never kill him.” 

“But you organized his murder.” 

“I don’t want to go into too many details, but the world is better off without him in it.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay? I just admitted something major to you and you just go ‘okay’?” Jake brushed a piece of your hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ears as he searched your eyes back and forth, trying to read your mind. 

“Okay, I believe you.”  You breathed out, not finding it in yourself to break away from Jake’s eyes. 

“Thank god.” Jake chuckled, moving his thumb in a soothing motion against your cheek, pulling your face up to meet his and placing a soft kiss against your lips. 

You made a move to deepen it, but Jake wasn’t having it - pulling away slowly to rest his forehead against yours. 

“I don’t want to fuck tonight. I just want us to enjoy each other and watch the fireworks.” 

“Fireworks?” You question him as a loud boom sounded off behind you - streaks of red painting the sky. 

“Perfect, just in time.” Jake then sat on the ground, parting his legs and beckoned for you to sit in between them. 

You complied, smiling to yourself as you turned your back to him, feeling his arms circle around either side of your waist, pulling you tightly against his chest. You could feel him smiling too when he placed his chin into your shoulder, nudging his cheeks against yours as you watched the colorful display. 

“See that one right there?” Jake lifted a finger pointing to the sky, looking at the Weeping Willow. 

“Those are my favorite.” You spoke in a meep voice, snuggling yourself further into his soft chest , enjoying the clunking noise his necklaces would make. 

“Really? They’re mine too.” He leaned down to whisper into your ear, his nose nuzzling into your hair. You could’ve sworn that he inhaled your scent at that moment. 

“My grandparents had a cabin in the woods, it was behind the pond that I told you Josh and I used to fish at. My grandma told my grandfather that weeping willows were her favorite, when she was a little girl she used to dream about having them planted everywhere in her yard - grandpa made it his mission that summer to plant as many as he could around the pond. They would wake up and just look out at the trees as the sun would rise.” 

You felt your heart swelling as he spoke. You turned your head to face him and you were met with surprise to see him staring at you already - studying your face in the glow of the fireworks.

“Looks like your grandma and I have something in common, it’s my dream to have a house surrounded by them too.” 

“What about one in the front yard with a swing? I’ll push you on it whenever you want.” 

“You would plant me a willow?”

“I would plant all the willows you want.” 

Taglist : @heykoonsy @dannythedog @joshkiszkatoothgap @milkgemini @gretavanbear @sacredjake@chmpgnnlace @objectsinspvce @poofyloofy @saaoko @twistedmelodies @cal-a-bungaa @writingcold @sarakay-gvf @gretasmokerising @lunaindigoraven @gvfpal​ @brokenbellsgvf​ @josh-iamyour-mama​ @shesawomaninadream @gretavangroupie @kleogvf @jakekiszkasmommy @jakekiszkabf @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface

You can’t speak. You want to scream. Not at Jake but at your body - still roiling with nausea. It just keeps getting worse. Sweat beads down your temples. You swallow. Jake’s eyes don’t leave you, even as his hands slowly, unconsciously, begin to crumple the scan he’s holding.

The tension in the room is palpable, painful. There could be tears or screaming or both at any moment and you feel it completely out of your control.

“Y/N.” Jake’s voice is stern, cold. “What is this?”

That feeling overwhelms you again, vacant cold down your spine, and you lurch over the toilet again just to puke bile. The cold tile hurts your knees and you can’t help but crying, actually crying, your face bent over the bowl. You spit, trying to keep the input around you to a minimum. The crying is immediately hoarse and full of hiccups and desperate and you can’t look at Jake.

He squats down beside you, brushing your hair from your shoulder. You shake him off, disgusting and unworthy of his care. He gracelessly falls backward, shirtless back hitting the cabinet with a thud. The back with fresh pink scratches from your nails on it.

You rest your hot cheek on folded arms over the toilet seat, too unsure of how you felt to move too far away.

He’s sitting with his knees up, staring at the sonogram. His face is unreadable, but his hands shake. When his lips part, a heavy breath escapes them. He points to the top right corner of the scan. “That’s your name.”

You nod, weak, your tears pooling down your cheeks and onto your arms.

He shakes his head, briefly glancing at you. “I need you to tell me in plain words what I am looking at before I throw up. Please.” The last word is quiet, shaky.

“Sonograms.” You whisper, a hiccup of a sob leaving you.

You can feel your body splinter apart. You were wrong from the start. He should’ve known. You should’ve told him. You never should have slept with him.

You can’t lose him. You just got him.

“Of what?”

“A baby.”

Now he can look at you through his lashes, his face hardened but his lips fighting a downward pull. He doesn’t move when you retch over the toilet again. You grab the towel blindly and are finally able to fall back against the tub, holding it over your face. He just watches you.

“Yours?”

You nod.

“Oh my God …” He breathes, running a hand down his face.

“I’m sorry.” You cry, brushing tears away quickly.

You were. You were so sorry. This wasn’t how he was supposed to find out. You didn’t know how he was supposed to but it wasn’t this. You had just felt his affection and now your stupid choice after stupid choice will ruin it.

When your foot accidentally touches Jake’s, he flinches back like you kicked him.

“You’re pregnant?” His breathing starts to pick up just a little, like it’s actually setting in.

You nod.

“Is-“ He inhales sharply, eyes pinching shut. “Is it Josh’s?”

You shake your head rapidly, reaching out to touch his knee before remembering his reaction to your touch and pulling back. You knock back against the cold tub. The tile is cold on your barely-covered ass. Your one bare foot is frigid too. You can feel it all seep into your bones, into your stomach.

“No.” You say. “You’re the only person I’ve had sex with in … I don’t know how long.”

Now his eyes shoot to your face, quickly scanning. “What?”

You pause a minute, waiting to see if he actually heard you.

“What? Y/N, what?” His breathing gets frantic, eyes going from yours to the scan so quickly it seems dizzying. “No. What? No. No.”

His next movements happen in a flurry. He tosses the print to the floor and starts rocking forward as his lungs fight for air. He can’t keep his eyes still and they’re shooting all around the room. He stands up, runs his hands through his hair, sits back down, bangs his head against the cabinet, rests his head in his hands, stands back up.

The head shaking is furious. “No. No. No.”

You watch his panic, lip trembling. You caused this. You’re the idiot who made the choice that is causing Jake to spin to the sink and retch, nothing coming up. He chokes and coughs, eyes accidentally meeting another scan.

“No.” The head shaking doesn’t stop.

He sits back down, folding into his crossed legs. He’s muttering no no no no no until it melts into a single noise, his back rising and falling so deeply and quickly you’re sure he’s going to hyperventilate. Maybe he already is.

There’s nothing you can do to redeem this. You can only sit there in the most grotesque shame you’ve ever felt or even knew was possible as his hands return to his hair and he pulls, groaning.

His head shoots up and he looks at you before jumping to his feet. He says “I can’t be here.” just as he’s walking away.

Before you can even think to do or say something, he comes back, pointing at you. “Plain words.”

You know what he’s asking. You clench your jaw to keep from a pitiful sob before you reply. “I’m pregnant.”

“And?”

“And she’s yours.”

He pauses. His shoulders soften just a fraction. “She?”

You shake your head, getting the stupid vernacular out of your head. “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling.”

He walks away. He comes back again.

“Mine?”

You nod.

“I got you pregnant.”

It’s a statement. You nod anyway.

He nods slowly back, eyes wide and looking straight at your shaking form crouched next to the toilet.

“Since- since the- at Sam’s place?” Jake’s voice pitches up at the end.

You nod.

He leans forward just a hair, emphasizing the critical nature of his next words. “That was over two months ago, Y/N.”

You bite your lip, bowing your head. Two months. Yes, you knew for less than that, but you still should have told him sooner. Told him at all.

“You said you weren’t pregnant.” His voice is low, breathy. He points at you again. “You said-“

“I didn’t know then.” You breathe, looking back up at him.

Jake falls into a squat, sitting on his heels with his face in his hands.

He mumbles something. You don’t have an answer to the sound.

He looks up, chin wobbling for a split second. “Josh knows?”

The hurt in his voice is enough to make your face scrunch up in sadness, your eyes welling up again. You nod.

“And neither of you thought to tell me?” His broken voice is accusatory and hurt.

You take a shaky breath. “I didn’t kn-“ Your voice catches in your throat. You look away for a second, trying not to break down further. Your stomach was clenched, your heart skipping beats. It was only a matter of time before you threw up again, but you tried your best to ignore it. “Josh wanted me to. I didn’t know i- … you hated me, Jake.”

His face morphs into something twisted, like you shouldn’t have used the past tense.

He stands, hands clenching and unclenching as he stares down at you.

Don’t leave. Don’t leave. Please.

His eyes fall to the crumpled scan on the floor. They stay there.

His stone-cold voice breaks the silence. “Can I take one?”

“The scan?” You ask, eyebrows knit together.

“Yeah.”

You nod. He must catch it from his periphery because he snatches it up and leaves. You sit and wait. He storms down the stairs and walks out the front door, slamming it. He has no shirt or shoes. It’s the middle of the night.

You lurch toward the toilet again, dry heaving as if there’s anything left to give. Your abs hurt, your stomach hurts, your head hurts, you’re exhausted.

It passes after a few minutes and you can slump down to your ass again, resting your forehead on bent legs. The sock you couldn’t put on lays in the doorway. The remaining two scans are stuck in the frame of the mirror. The room smells of vomit and sweat, as putrid as your body feels.

Without thought, your hand shakily finds your lower belly.

He knows. Jake knows now. It went about as poorly as you ever could have expected.

You wished Josh was home. Your phone laid in your room down the hall. You could barely feel your legs, your vision tunneling, you were well aware that getting it was not an option.

So you sit there, body broken and sinking into the floor.

Sinking into hell.

You and the tiny thing inside you.

And no one else.

___

At some point, you fall asleep against the tub. This only occurs after a layer of cold sweat congeals all over your skin and the blood in your legs begins to marble. You felt like hell. Physically. Mentally.

This was definitely a scenario in which to call your doctor, but you didn’t have the strength to leave the floor even to grab your other sock.

So you slept.

You aren’t sure for how long, but the next thing you feel is warmth. A gentle warmth, a solid form. Sounds filter through whatever haze fills your brain but you can’t decipher them, so you just let your head loll to the side, pressed against his skin. His shoulder.

The realization is slow, coming to you in pieces.

Two strong arms carry you through the dark until you sink into your mattress. You’re cold again, just until blankets are pulled up to your shoulders.

Hollow breaths puff through your lips, your eyes fighting to open. You’re so tired.

“I need you to pay attention, Y/N.”

His sweet voice. So beautiful.

A hand under your neck, trying to ease you up. The warmth feels good.

“Just a few sips and then you can go back to sleep, okay? Please.”

That voice feels weird in your head. This liminal space of fever heat and sticky cold isn’t making sense. Nothing coming in is making sense. You just want to rest. You’d be better if you slept.

But his voice.

Trying to finish the puzzle but the last piece doesn’t belong. Doesn’t fit.

Soft but cold. Empty.

You groan, your stomach clenching with nothing in it. It hurts. Your whole body hurts.

There’s silence for a moment just before a shock of cold settles on your cheeks. Wet and rough. Abrasive against the sensitive skin. Sensitive from tears, flushed, hot. It’s relief. Thank God. Finally.

That voice, withdrawn. “I’ll take care of you, I just need you to wake up.”

It doesn’t feel good in your mind. A sinking feeling in your chest. Something doesn’t feel right.

You lurch forward just in time for your body to try vomiting up nothing. Over and over until your aching muscles shake from exhaustion.

When you can get your bearings just a little, your head is hanging over the edge of your bed, quickly supported by his shoulder until he can use his whole body to make your limp one sit up, back against the headboard.

Your eyes want to close so bad. He’s still shirtless. The room is so dark.

An empty, senseless sob leaves you. “I can’t see you.” Your words all flow together, mumbled.

There’s a pause before he reaches over and turns the lamp on. Your weak hands find the strength to cover your eyes, not prepared for the way the light would pound its way through your skull.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” He’s closer, hip to your hip, legs swung over the bed, one hand holding your head upright by the cheek. He says something else, but you can’t make it out.

A gentle hand pulls yours from your face. There’s something against your lips and you accept it on instinct. Sweet liquid fills your mouth as your brain realizes just how desperately it needs this, whatever **this is. You take as much as there is to offer, just until it’s taken from you. You whine, head falling back against the headboard again.

“If you keep chugging it like that, you’ll throw up again.”

“I don’t want to throw up, Jake.” You can mutter it on instinct, recognizing unconsciously who is sitting inches from you.

A beat of silence. A heavy sigh.

“I know, honey.”

Silence. You can feel yourself dozing off again until that cold is against your skin again. A wet washcloth. With very cold water. Goosebumps rise on your chest and arms.

You wish you could open your eyes. The light you wanted is too bright now and you can’t take it in. You want to see him. Why does he sound weird?

“Can you eat something?”

You shake your head, feeling it tip to the side. Should you be at a hospital right now? You feel boneless.

“Can you try?”

You hum, low and long, dissenting.

Jake Jake Jake Jake.

“I’m here.”

A ghost of a smile. He’s there. Jake.

“More water.” You whisper, trying to right your head. It’s so heavy.

“Gatorade.” He corrects.

“Whatever.”

Just a moment passes before he’s helping you drink again. You gratefully accept, your lips cracking around the edge of the bottle. You feel a contented groan leave your chest. Jake’s here and it’s okay now.

“Can you take some medicine for me?”

“Medicine.” You state. It’s a question. He understands.

“Nausea medicine. I checked, it’s safe for … pregnant women. I promise.”

“You sound sad.”

“I am sad.”

A pitiful frown tugs your lips down. You try to open your eyes, just managing a little. Jake. Jake Jake Jake.

“I’m still here.”

He’s still there.

He is. He still isn’t wearing a shirt. His feet are visibly dirty, even in your weird haze. He looks sad. Jake looks sad.

“Why are you sad?” You ask, one trembling hand finding his knee.

He looks down at it, not reciprocating the touch. His face is absolutely broken. Empty. Resigned.

He clears his throat, looking back at you. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Will you hold me?”

Quiet. The rustle of the grocery bag at his feet.

“Only if you take the medicine.”

You nod, eyes fighting to stay open. “Turn the light off and we have a deal.”

He hands you the little measuring cup and the nearly empty bottle of Gatorade, tilting your chin up with a finger to make sure you swallow the entire purple dose down. It tastes like manufactured sugar. Your face pinches, a little groan of displeasure from your mouth.

More quiet. Your eyes flutter shut again. So tired.

His clammy hand removes yours from his knee. He gets up. “I need to go get changed and I’ll be right back.”

Logically, you know the way you want to start crying again makes no sense. Emotionally, spiritually, the idea of him leaving feels hauntingly familiar and incredibly painful.

That clammy hand on your cheek. “I’ll be right back. I’m not leaving.”

You nod, eyes closed, head leaned back against the headboard. It feels good to shut down. Even breathing takes too much work after a minute, the pace slowing to a crawl. Feels good to let it go. Everything hurts.

You only know that he’s back because his arms tuck underneath your knees and the small of your back, guiding you to lay down. Your body finds him, magnetized to him. You curl into the fetal position, head resting on his bicep and arms tucked between you. His clean shirt and sweatpants makes you shiver in new warmth as he pulls the blankets over you both.

It’s okay now because Jake is there. The pain simmers to a hum, your heartbeat slows, your breaths aren’t so rattled.

His arms pull you close to him. He sighs deeply. His chest rattles on the exhale. Poor Jake. So sad.

_____

The first thing that exists is safety. Everything is alright. You have never woken up so rested and calm. It’s so odd a feeling that you wonder, briefly, if you’re dreaming. But you smell him, you feel the tickle of his hair under your palm, the slide of his hand on your waist, the little squeeze he grants your hip. You’ve never dreamt in peace like this.

Jake’s steady breathing fills your lungs like the very matter of the universe - so whole and consuming. Jake. Jake. Jake.

“Are you awake?”

His voice, so sweet. Glides down your bones, cold silk. Honey sweet melody in your brain. Sweet Jake.

He told you he wanted to take care of you. Finally, someone wanted to stick around. Someone saw your ugly, your annoying, your bare body and wanted to stay. Wanted to keep coming back. Maybe he could love you. Maybe you could love him.

He rushed into the bathroom when you were sick, too. He took care of you.

Until.

It all comes flooding back in a single instant, sharp enough to make you gasp, your eyes flying open. They stare into Jake’s tired, sad eyes. The universe of him is weak, fizzling out.

You feel your body sink against him - defeat washing through you.

You fucked it all up.

Nodding, you finally answer his question. “Yeah.”

He nods back, pushing a sweat-matted piece of hair from your forehead. Where there was once ire and disgust is now fatigue. Apathy.

“Have I lost you?” You ask, voice quiet in the few inches that separate your faces.

Jake pauses, the nail of his index finger brushing over the shell of your ear. His gaze leaves yours, his arm pulling out from under your head. He untangles himself from you, stands up, puts the shirt back on that was somehow discarded in the middle of the night. Just before it falls, you see faint pink lines on his waist. A reminder.

He doesn’t look back at you as he goes to leave. “I’m going to make breakfast, I’ll be back.”

The door is left open. You watch him descend the stairs.

Sitting up, you fold your hands in your lap and wait. For him? Maybe. Everything has paused.

The clock reads around noon. You weren’t sure how long you slept, but the mess of blankets around you and the opened bottles of nausea medicine and Gatorade sit on your nightstand, depleted, showing you that he got up a few times to give you another dose, make you take another sip. He kept you hydrated. He let you sleep. He held you … just like you asked.

You felt empty. Just cavernous. Both hands find your lower belly.

A fortifying breath.

“You’re worth it.” You whisper. And you mean it. It’s you and her. And Jake … if he wants.

Jake comes back and sits on the side of the bed, facing you. He hands you a full Hydroflask and a plate with toast and strawberries on it. He does not look you in the eye.

“How do you feel?” He asks, eyes finding the window.

“A lot better.” You pick at a strawberry. “Thank you, Jake.”

He nods once, glancing at your hands as they play with a seed you plucked out. “You actually have to eat.”

“Or what?”

“Or hospital Y/N.”

“Oh.”

He’s not joking around. The cold of his voice cuts away at your stomach.

Silence is a heavy weight in the room now. You pick at your food before making yourself eat it, but the emptiness of your stomach is painful and makes you a different kind of nauseous. Time goes by. He lays back on the bed so his head is dangling off the end.

“You’re going to pass out.” You mumble after a moment.

“I won’t.”

“Okay.”

You eat a piece of toast slowly. There’s the finest layer of peanut butter on it and you have to choke it down, the smell overwhelming. You drink from the bottle, full of ice and lemonade. You knew you were out yesterday, it must have been one of the things he brought home.

“Did you leave without shoes last night?” You ask, thumbnail scraping over the bottle.

He looks up at you for a second, his face red with all the blood rushing to it. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Y/N.”

He puts his head back down.

“Where did you go?”

“Corner store.”

“How long were you gone?”

“I don’t know, Y/N.”

Another quiet lull falls over the room.

“Jake?”

“What?”

His voice is almost painful to listen to. You feel like a fucking idiot.

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t reply, just crosses his ankles.

You finish your food and go to stand up, bringing the plate with you so you can clean up after yourself. Unfortunately, embarrassingly, your legs are far too shaky to walk very far just yet. You sit back down with a sigh.

Jake sits up quickly, coming around to your side of the bed and taking the plate from you. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” You ask, looking up at him. You wish he was insulting you. Cussing you out. Mocking you.

“Anything right now.” He says.

“I need to shower.”

He shakes his head in reply. You wish he would look at you like he did right after you kissed him. Instead he looks withdrawn, like he’s running on autopilot.

He pads into your bathroom and you hear him start to fill the bathtub. He stays in there for a moment. You hear him open the linen closet and shut it. You hear him turn your small heater on. When he comes back out, he stands right in front of you.

“You don’t need to be standing that long. You can take a bath.”

Your brows pinch together, almost slipping back into your annoyance with him. Just a little. “I can shower if I want to.”

“You can shower when you can stand up without falling and banging your knee on the bed frame.”

You suddenly remember trying to get up in the middle of the night but don’t remember why. You made it a foot away before falling into the wooden bedframe and fucking up your knee. Jake had rushed over and pulled you back up and into bed, cupping his hand over your hurt knee while you mumbled groggily about it.

Jake is looking down at you as he waits for you to realize what he’s talking about.

You nod, looking away. “Fine.”

“Can I touch you?”

“Huh?”

“I’m asking permission to carry you to the bathroom.”

“Oh … yeah.”

Wordlessly, Jake wraps one arm under your knees and the other behind your shoulder blades, effortlessly carrying you into your small bathroom and setting you on the sink. The marble is cold on your ass and your nose wrinkles at the feeling.

He sinks to one knee in front of you, holding the bank of your ankle in one hand and peeling your sock off with the other. When he switches feet, you suddenly realize that he put the other sock on at some point. He puts them both in a single pile on the floor.

When he stands back up, he still can’t look you in the eye. He looks just beyond your shoulder as he hooks his thumbs under the hem of your shirt and lifts. You let him, but immediately cross your arms over your bare chest.

At this, he looks at you under a heavy brow. “I’ve seen you before.”

“During sex.” You reply.

“If you think I could only accept how you look when we’re fucking, you didn’t hear me last night.”

Without waiting for a reply, he tosses your shirt with your socks and helps you stand so you can both slide your panties off. You kick them into the pile.

Jake bends slightly and lifts you back into his arms, gingerly, slowly sitting you down into the tub. As if your muscles were just waiting for the heat, you sigh, your body melting into the warm water as you feel yourself finally untense.

Jake kneels on the tile beside you, arms resting on the lip of the tub. His eyes wander the tile wall behind your head while you just look at him. He’s so tired. So sad. Your stomach clenches at the sight of him.

“Are you going to stay with me?” You ask.

“While you’re in the bath? Yes.” He replies.

“What about … after?”

His eyes settle on your face. An almost imperceptible shift happens when they glance at your flushed cheeks and parted lips. “I made a promise.”

“To me?”

“Yes.”

“Last night?”

“Mhm.”

Where he said he would take care of you.

You sigh, sinking down under the water until only your head is above it.

Jake grabs your shampoo, puts some on his hands and runs his fingers through your hair. Your eyes flutter closed, relishing the feeling of his touch on your scalp. You don’t think he can help how his touch slows your heart rate on impact.

He helps you rinse your hair, then grabs the washcloth on the sink behind him. He dunks it in the water, pours some soap on it, then begins running it over the skin still under the water. He doesn’t look at you while he does this, just at his hand while he works. You don’t look at him either, choosing instead to keep your eyes closed.

Is this something you could accept? It is so obvious that you have ruined his life and he is still there, right beside you, cleaning your sweat-slicked skin and vomit-scented hair.

He meant it, then. He meant it when he said he wanted to take care of you.

“I asked for one chance.” He breaks the silence. “And I’m not breaking my promise.”

Your eyes open into his. He runs a hand over your shoulder to wash away the soap.

“Why?”

He inhales deeply. “I don’t know.”

You fight the downward pull of your lips. “I don’t deserve-“

Jake stands up and grabs the towel he got out. “You don’t have to deserve shit. It’s not about what you deserve.”

You bite your lip, nodding. “Okay.”

He helps you stand, wrapping the towel around you and pushing your wet hair from your face. He leaves for a second and comes back with a replica of what you were wearing - big t-shirt and socks. He reverses his movements, helping you slide underwear on, pulling the shirt over your head, kneeling to put your socks on.

When he stands, your instinct is to lean your forehead against his. He pulls back for a nanosecond before he sighs, leaning back in.

When he speaks, his voice is nearly a whisper. “For the record, I don’t know what you deserve. And I don’t know what I’m doing. But this is all that makes sense right now.”

Absentmindedly, your hand rests against your belly. He sees it, his eyes falling there and staying. You see his hand twitch on the sink beside you, his fingers flexing like he’s holding himself back.

You’re not sure your heart can break more than it already has. You miss Josh. You miss Jake. You don’t know what to do and he doesn’t either. All you could do was surrender to what he thought was best, even if that meant your soul-deep loneliness would continue, even with him a breath away.

_____

Tag list ◡̈

Three days. It had been three long, gruelling days since you had heard a word from Jake. Worse than that, it had been three days since you had even heard a faint whisper of his name, or a withering idea that he still existed on the same realm as you. No calls, no texts, not even a glimpse of him in public, hidden away in a corner of his most favourite stores. Not even a wisp of hair blowing as he rounded a street corner. No likes on social media posts; he was not even lurking in the comment section of mutual friends pages. He had ceased to exist, and as much as you liked to pretend that it didn’t bother you, it was excruciating. So much so, that you’d found yourself withdrawn from the normal day to day routine, floating through with no real enjoyment. You were constantly checking your phone or getting excited when you heard a notification, only to be crushed at the realization that it wasn’t him. You found yourself absentmindedly checking for him in every room you entered, every street or store you found yourself in, and every single time you left the house.

The agony of missing him extended far beyond the simple fact of the matter. It leeched into every aspect of your life in the most twisted and rotten ways. Simple pleasures no longer existed; the beauty in song sounded with less comfort, colours in paintings a little less vibrant, sugar a little less sweet. Sure, life would go on indefinitely, but it would be miserable, at least for the foreseeable future. Or, until he decided to grace you with his presence again. You braved the storm the only way you knew how: with a smile on your face, and no hint that anything was wrong in the first place. But, no matter how wide you smiled, or how sore your cheeks were from faking it, it never seemed to diminish the residual ache in your chest.

In truth, Jake was not the only one that disappeared. You had spoken to Danny only a number of times, which was incredibly unusual. He was busy in the studio, refining his drum work for the last touches on their album. When he wasn’t doing that, they were rehearsing for their upcoming tour. If that was finished, they were stuck in interviews and meetings. You knew he was genuinely busy, and in no way would he ever use it as an excuse to ignore you, but it did suck. He was your best friend, your home away from home, and missing him may also have had an effect on the way you missed Jake. You were lonely, and that was one thing you despised more than anything else in the world. Your stubbornness was stronger than your hatred of isolation, only worsening the suffering. Instead of reaching out to anyone, you waited until they had time to come back around. Your nagging fear of being forgotten about was brutal, and the more time that passed, the more you felt like it was crushing you.

At first, you chalked up Jakes absence to work, the same reason Danny hadn’t been able to visit. The first day it worked, but about halfway through, you thought the lack of communication was quite curious. By that evening, it was evident he was ignoring you. By day two, you were sure you’d permanently ruined your relationship with him, and by the third day, you were certain he hated you. You were not sure what the fourth would bring, and you were anything but eager to know. You had faith in him, wanting to ignore your brains incessant speculation on his behalf. You knew Jake to be sincere, and there was no way he would have spent those days with you playing house just to drop you the next day. That’s what you repeated to yourself, hoping that you were correct. Hoping that today would be the day his name graced your phone screen.

Your relationship with Sam hadn’t seemed to progress, either. Sure, you both texted, although dry by times. He’d confessed his utter enjoyment of the night you spent wrapped around each other, and you had too. He was scared of vulnerability, knowing he cared for you far more than he originally thought, and how dangerous that was. You were scared, too, because you felt the same, and his seemingly sudden withdrawal of interest had hurt you. You were both scared of getting hurt, without the realizing that you already were. It was much like anticipating a gunshot after getting stabbed. He had taken you out on a dinner date the day prior, albeit with an air of casualness. It was still nice, filled with laughter and small jokes, but didn’t stem any further than a make out session in his car, similar to the likes of two horny teenagers.

You thought you should take Jakes absence as a sign to pursue Sam. You were falling for him, even more than you were before the weekend full of events. You enjoyed everything you had done together, and knew that it was likely the right choice to make. Perhaps Jake had pulled out of the race, realized that it was foolish and wanted to put it to a civil end. Still, there was a part of you that wasn’t done with him, yet. Still craving him, aching for his touch and his love. Even if you attempted a relationship with Sam so soon, it would end in just as big of a disaster. So you waited, hoping that Jake had just stopped for a breather rather than changed course completely. It was feeble, but it was the only thought that gave you any type of comfort in the three days you’d gone without him.

You went to work Monday and Tuesday with little motivation. You felt bad about your lack of interest in your clients, but they never really seemed to notice. They were there to record music, not get a round of applause every time they completed a solo. Despite that, you still held some guilt over the distant nature you had clung to, realizing that it was very out of your character to be so uninterested in your work. Wednesday was no different. You crawled out of bed feeling like weights were tied to your ankles. You wished you could stay, hide under the protection of the blankets and sleep away the hollow feeling that was residing inside you. You showered and dressed yourself with your eyes half-closed, floating through the morning like a phantom of yourself. Toast was the only thing you could choke down, and you had stopped to get an extra large coffee on your way, just to motivate you to make it to lunch.

Your first two appointments were a daze, nothing memorable and a struggle to sit through. When the bands left, you apologized for your lack of energy and made a promise to have their samples ready by the weekend. Secretly, you were grateful they had only booked short sessions rather than an entire day, just so you could have a moment alone. Before lunch, you locked your office door and chipped away at paperwork you had long forgotten about. Once the stack was much less daunting, you did some work on the audio clips patiently waiting in your queue. By the time noon rolled around, you were all but hungry and more than ready for your inevitable return home. Thankfully, the receptionist had taken it upon herself to grab you a sandwich and a coffee when she stepped out. It gave you something to pick away at while the afternoon dragged on.

You were not dependant on Jake. You knew that if a few more days passed, the debilitating loss would resolve into a residual sadness. Sure, you would miss him, but it would be less catastrophic than it felt in that moment. What shook you to your core was not his disappearance, but the lack of communication beforehand. For him to be so involved, certain that you were what he wanted, and then gone without a trace. It gave you whiplash, falling for him so fast and then having to question if he ever existed at all. You wanted him, and it was obvious, but you were not willing to chase after him if he was showing such a blatant lack of interest in you. He had turned you into a complete fool for him, but you were desperate to cling onto your last shred of self-respect.

A knock on your door sounded, making you fight back an eye roll. Apparently, the busy sign that was glowing outside the room was easy to ignore. You stood, removing your headphones and pausing the clip on your laptop. You unlocked the knob, slowly turning it and revealing the disturbance. Your grumpy expression quickly changed once you registered who was on the other side. You stepped out of the way, inviting him in wordlessly. You closed the door behind him as he moved to take a seat on the couch.

“Rockstar finally had some free time in his schedule?” You smiled.

“Was in the neighbourhood, thought I would stop and say hello.” Danny answered, leaning back into the cushions. “Seems like I’m not the only busy one. Receptionist said you weren’t taking any walk-ins.” He chuckled.

“So you charmed your way up here?” You teased, sitting back down in your chair.

“You know me too well.” Your heart warmed at his soft smile. “She’s kind of automated. Told me that as soon as I said your name, recognized me when she finally looked up.” You nodded along with his explanation, agreeing with the observation.

“Yeah, she kind of has to be. People are pushy, we’re a popular spot. Gets her through the day.” You shrugged. “You guys not working today?” You addressed them all as a group, itching to ask about Jake, but knowing it was better not to. He shook his head.

“No, took a day to just relax.” You could tell he was lying. It was always easy to tell when Danny was lying. He wasn’t looking at you, he was fidgeting with the loose thread decorating the ripped fabric of his jeans. You watched him, wanting to catch his eye so you wouldn’t have to verbally pry the truth from him. After a moment, he looked up through his eyelashes, regretting the decision almost immediately. When he met your knowing stare, he cracked immediately. “We were, this morning.” He admitted. “We decided it would be best to take the day and regroup tomorrow. Didn’t get much done.”

“Why not?” You asked, genuinely curious. Usually they worked really well together. In your time of knowing them, they never seemed to lack in the productivity department. He avoided the question at first, unsure of how to answer it. After a while of uncomfortable silence, he shifted in his seat and fully turned to you.

“Jake has been fucking insufferable.” He sighed. Just from the sound of his tone, you could tell he wasn’t there to question you. He was a friend who needed to rant, and his options were limited due to the relations of his band mates. You let out a laugh, finding his blunt words funny. You knew that if Danny was willing to put it like such, Jake must have been horrific to be around. “Have any insight?” He asked, hoping for an answer.

“I haven’t talked to him since we went to brunch.” You admitted. It seemed like once the words left your mouth, it clicked in his brain.

“Your choice, or his?” You shifted under his gaze.

“Him, I think. I haven’t really reached out, either, I guess.” It was a lie; the separation was for certain Jake’s choice, and you had spent the first day blowing up his phone. You thought maybe that you had driven him even further away with your initial inquires.

“So he misses you!” Danny laughed, teasing you almost instantly. Your cheeks burned red, embarrassed at the idea and wishing he would keep his voice down.

“Shut up!” You scolded, but you couldn’t help but feel relief at the idea Jake was suffering, too. “If he misses me so much, he can come and see me!” But your argument was not heard over the sound of his laughter. He was worried there was a blowout, one that had left you both confused and angry. Instead, you were both playing the immature game of ‘who’s going to text first?’ He had to admit, the knowledge did make him feel better, knowing that one of you was bound to give in, and likely very soon.

“You guys are ridiculous!” He said, taking a long breath to calm himself down. Your childish anger was only adding more humour to an already funny situation, fuelling his hysterics even further. “For the love of god, talk to him before he goes crazy. Before he drives all of us crazy.”

“He started it!” You attempted to justify your lack of reaching out. “I tried at first, and he didn’t answer. He can drive himself crazy all he wants, but I’m not chasing after him.” You crossed your arms over your chest, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Danny shook his head, a grin eating away at his face.

“What are you, five?” He chided. “Please, for my sake, just invite him over or something. I cannot handle him anymore.”

“Is that the only reason you came to see me?” You questioned, trying to change the subject.

“Obviously not!” He defended. “I wanted to see you.”

“Mhm,” you rolled your eyes. “If you’re here to see me, then I would appreciate no further comments on my love life, please.”

“Fine, but if he doesn’t cheer up soon, I’m going to go insane.” He warned, but there was an evident tone of humour in his words. He fell into a silence, thinking hard about how to word his next question. “How’s your Jake-stinence going?” You raised an eyebrow in inquiry, not quite sure what he meant. “Like abstinence… but from Jake. Get it?” You turned towards your desk, eyes landing on a blank sheet of paper. You grabbed it, crumpling it in your fist, and threw it at him. It bounced off his forehead and tumbled into his lap in a graceful manner, resulting in him shooting you a look of shock. “Not good, I take it. You’re as grumpy as he is.”

“I said no talk about you-know-who.” You pointed a finger at him in warning.

“Okay, okay.” He conceded. “He’s been demoted to Voldemort status.” He promised. You both shared a wordless stare, but eventually dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“I missed you.” You finally cracked, shedding the tough exterior. All of the turmoil you had been feeling from the last few days seemed to melt away. Danny had the ability to make even the worst situations seem bright just with his company.

“I missed you too, bug.”

The two of you chatted away, mostly just mindless and lighthearted conversation, but it seemed to satiate the ache that had been permanent for the past few days. You worked away, happy that you didn’t have any more appointments so you didn’t have to worry about cutting the hangout short. Somewhere along the way, you’d even managed to find your appetite. You finished the sandwich your receptionist had so graciously given you. By the time four o’clock rolled around, you were almost completely finished with your work. With your new spark of energy, you figured a little more time would get you ahead of the pile of procrastination you had accumulated.

“I think I need to get going.” Danny sighed, regretful for having to leave. “I think you-know-who’s brother is on his way to my place.” He said as he checked his phone.

“He’s also you-know-who.” You corrected.

“How are we going to tell the difference between them, then? At least call them Thing 1 and Thing 2, or something.”

“That’s the point. We aren’t going to be talking about them, remember?” You reminded him. He gave a slow nod, knowing that you wouldn’t stick to your word. As much as you hated discussing your problems, he always had a way of getting you to talk.

“You leaving soon, too?” You shook your head, motioning to your desk.

“I think I’m gonna stay late. I have a few things I need to get done before the weekend, and I’m feeling up to it, today.” You explained, receiving a nod in return. “Thanks for coming. I always love your company.” You smiled.

“It was my pleasure, bug.” You stood to give him a hug, unable to resist the temptation. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly as a silent apology for not seeing you sooner. You rested your head on his chest, eyes closed in bliss. The comfort you were surrounded in was impenetrable, more than you’d felt since you had your brunch date with him. “Call me if you’re bored later, I’m sure we can find something to do.”

“Sounds good to me.” You said, reluctant to let go. Eventually, you parted with him and bid a small goodbye. Once he disappeared through the door, you collapsed back in your chair.

You took a moment to decompress from the company before turning back to your laptop screen. You knew the rest of the staff would be heading out around four-thirty, so you called down to the front desk to let them know not to wait up for you. You took your phone out, checking to see if Jake had messaged, just in case. When you were met with a blank screen and a sinking feeling in your stomach, you turned on some music to fill the stale air. You worked away, finding your productivity lessen without Danny around. Still, you persevered in hopes that it would distract you from the creeping loneliness that was catching back up to you. The thought of returning home to an empty house was gut-wrenching, and you didn’t want to bother Danny and Sam in fear of intruding. Work seemed like the best option for you, and work you did. It distracted you enough that you almost missed the second disturbance of the day.

A gentle knock sounded on the door, which you thought was quite peculiar. You looked at your clock, noting that it was around the time everyone was headed home. You figured it was either the receptionist stopping by to bid a goodnight, or Danny coming back because he forgot something. You turned to the couch, eyes scouring the cushions to see if there was a forgotten phone or wallet, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. You thought it must be a coworker, as Danny likely would have noticed something was missing long before now. Another knock sounded, a bit more imminent than the last, breaking you out of your internal brooding indefinitely. You weren’t sure why you were stalling; maybe because you had no energy for another social interaction, or perhaps because you were determined to get the work finished. You figured you shouldn’t let whoever it was wait any longer in case it was something important.

You stood, making your way towards the door. Before you could open it, another knock came through. You had to admit, the persistence did strike you as annoying, but you tried not to let it bother you. When the door swung open, revealing the source of the disturbance, you were certain your heart stopped beating for a moment. With wide eyes, you took in the sight, drinking in every detail and finding yourself speechless. Three days was not a long time, but it seemed like an eternity to you. Somehow, in the lesser half of a week, he only seemed to present even more beautifully than he did in the days before. The desire to be with him was unfathomable when he wasn’t accessible, but now that he was within an arms reach, it was tormenting you worse than it ever had.

Jake stood, wordless with a shadow of indignation dancing in his eyes. Simple clothes, just a t-shirt and jeans, with his hair loosely hanging over his shoulders and his sunglasses decorating the neck of the shirt. His simplicity was astounding; it didn’t matter what he was wearing, he was always gorgeous. His cologne was like a punch to the stomach, something you didn’t realize you even missed until it was shoved in your face. It felt like an addiction. You bargained for days that you could go without him, live life without the comfort of his company. The minute he showed up, as soon as he became available, you knew you were lying to yourself. A lifetime without Jake could be enjoyable, sure, but never completely fulfilling. All of the contempt for his actions, the anger you had felt over his disappearance was gone in an instant, replaced with the undying urge to reach out and touch him, for him to touch you.

“Long time no see, Gold Dust Woman.” His tone was flat, the nickname that usually held an air of adoration was cold, now. He was angry, and Danny was correct about that, but he was mad at you. If the reunion went well, you made sure to note that you would never ignore him again, intentional or not. More so than anger him, it seemed to hurt him, and that was something you never wanted to do.

“Jake,” you breathed, still finding yourself unable to move from your position. You wanted to reach out to him, to invite him in, but you couldn’t seem to conjure the strength to do it. That feeling was partially reliant on the idea that he did not want you to. You were caught in a standoff, neither of you wanting to be the first to move, but both of you needing each other more than words could express. Your gaze drifted over his face, features so alluring and inviting. For a split second, his eyes caught yours. It shook you to your core, making you want to fall to your knees and grovel at his feet. In that moment, you would do anything to feel even a fraction of the love in his touch that you had experienced before. Even if it was angry, a shell of what it was the few days prior, it would be worth the world and more.

As if the eye contact sparked the same realization in him, he stepped forward without warning. His hands landed on your hips and he pulled you into a kiss. Your arms shot up, wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. With one kiss, he managed to silence every worry before it even had a chance to surface. Without breaking apart, you both stepped into the room a bit further. He kicked the door shut behind him, not willing to take the chance of someone interrupting. It was a messy show of desperation, his hands wandering to any available part of you, making up for lost time. When you finally parted, your lips were swollen and you were fighting for air.

“You disappeared,” you stated, chest heaving in attempt to catch up on the lack of oxygen.

“Good observation.” He muttered, not having the heart to ignore you any longer, but it was evident that he wasn’t interested in talking. His hands were already wandering under the hem of your shirt, begging for you to let him slip it over your head. As much as you wanted to deny it, to stop him for a moment to resolve the problem before jumping straight to sex, you couldn’t. The feeling of his hands on your skin was exhilarating, satiating the craving that could only ever be solved by him. You lifted your arms, complying to his request with no hesitation. Once your shirt was discarded, he turned and locked the door, just as a precaution. “Got here just in time. Receptionist was leaving, told me you were still up here.”

“Surprised she let you in.” You responded, feeling the sting of cool air attack your bare skin.

“Didn’t want to. Calling you my girlfriend really persuaded her.” His gruff explanation was paired with the action of him pushing you towards the couch. He said it with such simplicity, like it was a completely normal title and he had no problem announcing it. It made your stomach churn, the knowledge that it was a lie stinging a little more than it should have. You didn’t have time to dwell, because once you reached the sofa, he made quick work at sitting down and pulling you into his lap.

You adjusted easily, straddling him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His fingers snaked around to your back, unclasping your bra and throwing it to the floor alongside your shirt.

“Why the hell were you ignoring me?” You question was followed by a sharp gasp; he’d already buried his face in your chest and pulled one of your nipples into his mouth. The sensation caused an involuntary grind of your hips against him. His actions were only gentle for a moment, the tender care he showed you initially was quickly replaced with his annoyance. Cautiously, he sunk his teeth into the sensitive bud, eliciting a hiss from you. Your grip on his bicep tightened, shocked at the suddenness of his action. You could already tell that his intent was not to cater to you. He was pissed off, so much so that it had taken three days for him to recover enough to punish you for it.

You had no idea that his unanswered calls would get under his skin so badly, and if anything, you thought it was quite childish. Three days of complete silence over a bruised ego seemed a little extreme. Perhaps his frustration was bleeding in to you as well, causing a spark of anger towards him. “Answer me.” You snapped, unable to find a sympathetic bone in your body. The harsh words hit him the same as if you punched him in the face. He broke from you, eyes immediately shooting up to your face. There was a fire blazing behind his pupils, the muscle in his jaw tense with annoyance at your demand.

“Shut up.” He spat, no willingness to answer questions about why he withdrew. His eyes lingered for only a moment before pulling you into another kiss. You could feel the rage radiating from his skin; it was laced within his kiss, bleeding into your mouth and knotting around your throat. The sensation was electrifying, so good that you didn’t even notice that it was killing you. In that moment, you hated him, furious that he refused to tell you why he left, but you were so in love with the feeling of his hands that you couldn’t stop him. You were aching for relief, but it was far beyond sexual gratification. His absence hurt you for reasons much bigger than sex, even if you thought it impossible to communicate it. As much as you wanted to ignore it, to give in to his demands and burning touch, you couldn’t.

“I can’t,” you pulled back, breaking free from his spell. Even as the words came out of your mouth, you wanted to take them back. The temptation of Jake was greater than any other force you’d ever felt before. “I can’t have sex with you unless we talk.” The first wise decision you had made since the beginning had finally surfaced. The lack of malice in your statement struck him differently than your previous comments. For a brief moment, he paused. You had hurt him, undoubtedly, but he finally realized that he had hurt you, too. The defensive nature you had both previously adorned was beginning to crumble away. When he looked into your eyes, his heart ached at the harshness he had greeted you with.

The crack in the wall slowly spread, branching into all directions. The sound was deafening.

Instantaneously, the truth seeped through the weakened defence, settling in your bones and taking over; the game you were playing with each other evolved into something much greater than casual sex. You cared about each other, enough so that whatever happened had caused genuine pain. You were invested enough to be hurt, and now you weren’t sure how to slow down. “We can talk while we fuck.” He bargained, less aggressive than his initial stance. He was still angry, but it had dissipated the moment he saw you. Now that he was touching you, aching to be with you the same way you were, it was residual rather than overwhelming. He didn’t want to admit that his request was due to his need for you, still unable to jump over the barrier limiting him from being vulnerable. He wanted to talk, to work out the situation and go back to the way things were in the first few days, but his need for communication was minimal compared to his need for you.

You couldn’t find a good argument to counter his proposal, so you agreed. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea, but at the time it seemed right. When you didn’t contest, he shifted below you, keeping one hand on your back for support, and easily laid you down on the couch. You knew that sex in your office was likely not the best place, but you also knew you couldn’t withstand a drive back to your house. You could only hope that the janitors started on the first floor, knowing that you were in for one hell of a ride. He fumbled with the buttons on your jeans, barely warning you before those were on the floor, too. You were left in just your underwear, skin tingling with the frigid air. When he finally took a moment to look over you, exposed underneath him once more, he felt the crushing weight of his adoration for you wash over him, overshadowing any other emotion he was feeling in the moment. His expression almost looked pained, striking a worry within you. In truth, the pain was due to the knowledge in his brain that he could lose you, and he knew just how easy it would be. Missing you had become so difficult that he couldn’t even play into his own game anymore. He couldn’t imagine a lifetime without you if he lost the race.

“You want to talk?” He hummed, breaking out of his internal brooding almost immediately. His voice was low, dangerous almost, like the question in itself was a trap. He leaned down over you, his lips ghosting over your stomach. The light tickle of his mouth sent a shiver down your spine, so unsettling yet still so beautiful all at the same time. “To keep pretending that you don’t know what you did?” A fizzle of panic struck, unsure what he meant by the question. Soon after, regret formed at the memory of his missed calls, the ones that sounded when you were too busy buried in his brother. “I warned you, angel. Being a tease is not how you get what you want. Ignoring me, talking back, not listening…” he trailed off, mouth still barely hovering over you. He’d made it to your navel, his breath tickling the skin just above your panty line. You would be lying if you said you didn’t wish for him to continue. He wasn’t even touching you and you were a mess for him. He brought his mouth to you, a placing gentle kiss to you. It was barely noticeable, but it was the greatest gift he ever could have given you. You had no shame in the shaky breath that escaped your lips, no longer shy about the effect he had on you.

“I’m going to do the talking, and you’re going to listen.” He said, finally looking up at you. At the sight of his face, all of your morals faded away. Any idea of argument was long forgotten, and any need to contest his authority ceased to exist. You were at his disposal, completely under his command and just grateful to have the opportunity. Your pleasure was second to his; you were willing to make up for whatever you had done to hurt him, and if that meant allowing him to do whatever he pleased with you, that was more than alright. Despite his disappearance and his angry exterior, he was still the same Jake you had been lucky enough to experience before. You knew that no matter how upset he was with you, he would take care of you and your comfort. You trusted him more than you cared to admit. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.” You whispered. His hand slowly connected with your cunt, the thin material of your underwear barely diminishing the euphoric feeling of his fingers on you.

“You only speak when I give you permission.” He added, making sure the rule was clear. “Unless you want me to stop or slow down.” He was quick to ensure that was understood. He looked to you, both of you knowing he wanted verbal clarification before he continued.

“Okay, baby.” You promised. The pet name seemed to cause a short-circuit in his brain, almost making him forget what his intentions were. At the sound of such a sweet word he’d been craving to hear for so many days, he considered throwing the act to the side and coddling you, admitting that he was in the wrong for letting his jealousy get in the way. The continual battle of fighting back vulnerability was exhausting, and every time he looked it you it grew harder to withstand.

“That’s my girl.” He broke from your stare, muttering the praise in attempt to distract himself from the internal struggle of wanting to love you and being afraid. His fingers were barely touching you, the pressure against you minimal, but the touch so inviting. “Need to show me that you can behave, angel. So far, you haven’t done a very good job at it.” He explained, eager to get the last piece of clothing off of you, but opting to tease you instead. He found it too easy to give in to you, to give you whatever you wanted, and he was trying to resist it. His anger was still strong, pulsing through his veins, but now it was less so to do with you, and more so due to him allowing himself to wind up in this situation all over again. He swore the last time that he would never allow Sam the chance to steal someone away from him. This time, he was certain that his head start would allow him the upper hand, but somehow his brother had bested him once more. The stakes were too high, the idea of Sam touching you was excruciating, and he feared that his own bruised feelings had given his brother the opportunity he had been so desperate to avoid.

In complete transparency, in the three days he spent away from you, the thought of letting go did surface, but not because he was willing to give you up. It was mostly because he knew the loss of you would be devastating. It was in protection of his own feelings, and ignoring your messages was admittedly one of the hardest things he had ever done. Now that he was with you, touching you, seeing you in the beautiful light that you were always surrounded with, the thought was blasphemous. Jake was in the race until the very end, until you ultimately made the decision yourself. He may have started the game with the belief he was in control, but he now he knew he wasn’t. For a moment, he believed Sam was the master, but that wasn’t true, either. You held the power, even if you didn’t believe it. The choice was yours, and all they could do was pray that it was them who would come out on top. Much like his brother, he adorned the same attitude, knowing that a brief time with you was better than never having you at all, even knowing that it might not be him you chose.

In some sense, you felt like your decision was already made. With his hands on you, his eyes burning into you, and his cologne surrounding you, the choice seemed easy. Your undeniable feelings for him were growing more by the day; his disappearance only solidified that. When Jake was around you, the decision to love him was simple. You wanted to be with him, to be loved by him, and you weren’t sure if it would ever go away. Then again, when he was gone, replaced by the company of Sam, the right thing seemed to be different, to follow your initial path in pursuing Sam. You had no idea what to do, or when to do it. You didn’t want to stay in limbo forever, always bouncing back and fourth and never able to make a decision, but the idea of losing either of them was indescribably painful.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” His words shot through you like a bullet, shattering any doubt. You wanted to be with Jake, and until you had the courage to say it aloud for certain with no fear of doubling back, you would enjoy having him for the time being. You hadn’t been with him for long enough to know for sure, and that’s what you repeated in your head to bargain with your indecision.

“You,” You whispered, and it was the truth. He was all you could think about, all of the time. It was unbearable, but fantastic all the same. His fingers were still dancing over the thin fabric concealing you, giving you a taste of relief but not even close to enough to satisfy. You knew that he was going to push you until you couldn’t think straight, make you forget anything other than his name, and you were okay with it. You missed him so much that you would take anything, even if it were him telling you he hated you. Being hated by Jake was better than being nothing to him.

“Are you telling me the truth?” He asked.

“Of course I am.” You breathed, squirming beneath his heavy stare. You were throbbing, aching for him to stop teasing you and get to the point, but you bit your tongue. If you were to talk back to him, you feared he would get up and leave. You were certain he could tell how turned on you were; he was dragging it out as punishment. He noticed your discomfort, knowing immediately the cause. He could see how badly you wanted him just from your expression, and it was exactly what he was hoping for. A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, the closest thing to a smile he had given you since he showed up.

“Let’s talk, angel.” He said, slowing his movements to a stop. “If you keep telling me the truth, I’ll give you what you want. If you lie to me…” he trailed off, eyes drifting over you as he pondered the best choice of words. “You probably don’t want to find out what will happen.” He said, his smirk growing into a sadistic little smile. You didn’t like the look in his eye, but the temptation of the reward was too large to resist.

“Okay, let’s talk.” You agreed. He settled himself on his knees between your legs, leaning in close to you. He turned his head to the side, placing a few kisses to the inside of your thigh before beginning his tirade.

“You know, it’s not very nice to be a tease,” He pondered aloud, not pointing a question at you, but rather posing the statement in general. “I don’t particularly like it.” The pressure of his thumb increased, giving you small motivation to play into his game. He noticed your sharp intake of breath at the movement, clearly pleased by the sound. “Well, unless I’m the one doing it.”

God, he was insufferable sometimes.

“What were you trying to do that night?” He asked, but spoke again before you could respond. “Calling me dressed like that, ignoring my texts, talking back?” He listed a few of the injustices that you had committed.

“I wanted you to come over.” You let out a gasp as the statement fell from your lips, feeling his fingers finally slip under the fabric. Instead of rewarding you for your answer, he let his thumb hover over the spot you so badly wanted him to touch. The minuscule contact was worse than an itch you couldn’t quite scratch.

“No, I don’t think that’s what you wanted.” He shook his head, watching your face. Every detail was driving you crazy, despite how minor some were. He raised an eyebrow, wanting you to try again.

“Attention.” You admitted, which was the whole truth. Your previous answer was not completely wrong, yet purposely omitted partial truth. “I wanted you to pay attention to me.” With that, he let his thumb trace slow circles into your clit. The small action sent a wave of pleasure through you, causing you to involuntarily arch your back in response.

“That’s it, baby.” He said, the words coming out in a slur. He wanted to keep his composure, but it was difficult watching you in such a state. Your reaction had an effect on him that was much greater than he would care to admit. “You wanted attention?” He asked, making sure that your answer was clear.

“Mhm,” you hummed, eyes fluttering closed in response to his voice. You were sure you could get off from the sound of it alone.

“Did you want it from me, or did you just want someone to take care of you? Didn’t matter who it was?” He asked, his tone shifting slightly. You could tell that his anger was slowly returning the more he spoke.

“I wanted it from you, Jake.” You said, looking to meet his eyes. You meant it, but you weren’t sure he believed it. “That’s why I called you.” Another gasp sounded from you as his thumb pressed into you even further.

“And you got it,” he confirmed “you got exactly what you wanted, didn’t you?” His eyes never left your face, searching for a hint of a lie, almost like he wanted you to try your luck.

“Y-yes,” you stuttered out, feeling him slowly slip a finger into you. It was just enough for you to lose your train of thought, only able to focus on his hands rather than your conversation.

“But you weren’t satisfied with that, were you?” He questioned, voice quiet but firm. His hands felt so good on you that you almost didn’t hear him, too caught up in the pleasure. A moan fell from your lips, but he wasn’t happy about your lack of an answer. He halted his movements, violently pulling you out of the cloud of euphoria. “That wasn’t enough. You wanted more, didn’t you, angel?”

“Yeah, I did.” Your response was immediate, willing to tell him anything he wanted to hear as long as he promised to keep touching you. “I wanted you to come over and fuck me.” He resumed his pace, adding another finger to you to show his appreciation for your honesty. You let out a choked moan, the feeling more intense now that he had stopped and started again.

“I know you did, sweetheart.” He said, a note of fake sympathy ringing from his tone. Had you not known him so well, you’d almost believe it to be true. “Were you a good girl after I hung up? Did you listen to me and touch yourself, take care of yourself because I couldn’t be there with you?” His words were blunt, powerful in their simplicity, and pushing you closer to an orgasm every time he opened his mouth. You didn’t even care that his tone was thick with disrespect, slowly degrading you more every time he spoke. You had no idea where his words were leading to, but you were certainly content with the ignorance in the meantime.

“N-no,” you admitted, but the answer barely come out. You were too distracted by the knot tightening in your belly, pleading with you to let go.

“Of course you didn’t,” he chuckled, but it was not because he found the situation funny. It was a knowing laugh; he’d known the answer to the question long before he asked it, but he wanted to hear you admit it. “You never listen.” He stated, but the snarky comment meant nothing to you. He could see it in your face, the impending climax that you were so desperate for. He was almost willing to give in, to let you have the moment of pleasure, but he wasn’t feeling up to generosities. “You were supposed to do as I said, be good and play with yourself until I could come over. It was simple, but you couldn’t even do that.” He spat.

“M’sorry, Jake.” You whined, but you were too far gone to say it with sincerity. The lack of understanding on your part infuriated him, that you had no idea what he was hinting at, no idea what you had done.

“No, you’re not.” He shook his head, despite you not looking at him. He continued his movements, driving you as close to the edge as he could get you. “You’re not sorry at all.”

“I am,” you pleaded, now fearful that he thought you were lying.

“What did you do instead?” He asked, ignoring your desperate apologies.

“I-I drank, waited for you to come o-over.” You figured the half truth was better than the alternative. You weren’t lying to him, just withholding the full story in hopes to spare his feelings and keep him from pulling away.

“I told you not to lie to me, sweetheart.” He said, the low tone resonating more with a growl. You failed to realize that you were in stalemate; he knew what you had done, and there was no lie or explanation that would lessen the blow of the truth.

“N-not lying, baby.” You breathed, just seconds away from an orgasm. It was getting harder to speak, harder to think. The conversation was of no interest to you, anymore. The only thing you wanted was for him to keep making you feel good, and you were willing to say anything to get it.

“Strike two.” He warned.

“Jake, please, I promise.” You begged. That was his breaking point, no longer able to prompt you to tell the truth. He was fed up, practically radiating with frustration, and long past willing to bargain with you.

“So that’s your story? You waited for me?” He hissed, but his hands remained steady. When you didn’t answer, he chose to do it for you. “I told you to get yourself off, not to call my brother to do it for you.” He spat. Your eyes snapped open, the shock of his words paired with the threat of climax was overwhelming, sending your body into a rigid state. You were frozen, finally understanding that his disappearance was not because of a bruised ego, or anger that you had been ignoring him. He knew Sam was at your house that night, and was painfully aware of what you had done with him. You really had hurt him, but not for the reasons you previously thought. You couldn’t respond, only feeling a strangled cry of pleasure leave your lips as the burning in your stomach seemed to reach its full capacity. Before you could descend into the orgasm, he ripped his hand away from you with a scowl permanently stuck on his lips. If you’d been in your right mind, complaining would not have been your first reaction, but you were delirious after going so long without him. Finally feeling his hands again was enough to drive you insane, and losing them before you could let go was the worst feeling in the world.

“What the fuck?” You hissed, sitting upright in an instant. Normally, the crazed look in his eye would have served as a warning. Today, it was just the same as throwing gasoline on a burning flame.

“That’s what you do when you don’t get your way?” He matched your intensity, both of you fuming with no sign of backing down. “I didn’t get a call, or even a text, so I thought I’d be nice. Thought I pushed you too far, so I dropped everything to come over and take care of you, just to see that you’d already found someone else to do it? It was that easy?” The condescending attitude was infuriating enough that you thought you could reach out and strangle him without a shred of guilt.

“So that’s why you came here? To argue? To show up after three days just to fight with me?” You spat, ready to grab your clothes and kick him out. “You don’t get to be mad at me for something you started!” He reached out, grabbing your face in his hand with little care, silencing you before you could speak again.

“No, I’m not here to argue.” He said, suddenly seeming calm and rational, though the fire in his eyes did not reflect his stature. “Get up, and shut your fucking mouth.” There was no more room for discussion, and you were not willing to contest him. You stood, obliging to the command almost immediately. He stood, too, eyes scanning the room until they inevitably landed on the recording booth, perfectly soundproof and ready to house the main event. He nodded his head towards it, signalling for you to go inside. You wanted to protest, to shake your head in retaliation, but you couldn’t. His authority in that moment was astounding, something that was not a force to be reckoned with. The power imbalance was clear; he was in charge this time, and was in no way willing to compromise.

You shuffled in the direction of his eyes, walking in the booth with him hot on your trail. The sound of the door shutting behind you settled in your bones with the weight of lead, sending dread through every nerve. You had no reason to be scared; you knew he would never hurt you, but you were certain he would not be gentle. You turned to look at him, finding no comfort in the expression that he adorned. “Turn around, hands against the wall.” Was all he said. You obeyed, quickly spinning and taking a step towards the wall. You assumed the position that he requested without a word. Despite the bubble of anxiety in your chest, you were still incredibly turned on and excited for what was in store for you, even if it was a punishment. You felt him approach you, his body radiating warmth despite being fully clothed. Another rush of arousal ran through you, excited by his proximity alone. That was the thing about Jake; he didn’t have to be touching you to be able to keep his spell on you. It was strong enough just simply knowing he existed.

“I’m not here to argue, or fight, or whatever you think.” He said, voice dangerously low. “If I wanted to do that, I would have gotten it over with long before now.” You knew he didn’t want you to answer, so you didn’t. You were in much too deep to risk pissing him off further. You felt his hand ghost over your lower back, the touch soft and inviting. It felt so good that your eyes even fluttered closed, the tension in your shoulders releasing slightly. “Do you remember what I said, earlier?” You chose not to respond in fear of saying the wrong thing. “How I’m going do the talking, and you’re going to listen?”

“Yes,” you whispered, still in love with the feeling of his hand on you. He was being far too sweet for you to believe it was true.

“Good,” he said, the word short and his tone firm. “You remember your colours?”

“Yes,” you repeated, almost robotically.

“Please don’t be scared to tell me, okay?” He said, dropping the gruffness only for a moment.

“Okay,” you whispered, looking back over your shoulder to catch his eye for a moment. You wished you hadn’t, because the softness beneath the rough exterior was almost enough to make you fall in love with him on the spot. He was tempted to smile, to throw his anger to the side and hold you. As upset as he was about the situation, it did not take away his care for you, and the three days he spent away from you were just as terrible for him as they were for you. He knew if he did that, he would be digging his own grave. Instead, he continued on like the sweet second had never happened at all.

“I came here because I wanted to give you the chance to tell me the truth.” He said, your eyes still locked with his. “Told you that I’d take care of you, you’d get what you want, as long as you didn’t lie to me.” His grip on your hip tightened, fingers staring into your skin and showcasing all of the emotion he was holding within him. “Made it easy, but you don’t know how to listen.” He sighed at the end of the sentence, like he almost pitied you for what you were going to endure. “No more chances, baby. We do this my way, now. Understand?”

“I do.” You squeaked.

“I didn’t think that I was asking a lot of you, sweetheart.” He said once your head turned away from him. “Just to be patient, to do what you were told, and you couldn’t even do that for me.” You felt him remove his hand from you. Soon after, you could hear the metal clanging of his belt being unbuckled. Your stomach sank, knowing what would come next, but you couldn’t help but feel the buzz of excitement again. Jake was so phenomenal that even the thought of being reprimanded by him was exhilarating. “You didn’t care who was giving you the attention, angel. You just wanted someone to take care of that ache between your legs. You knew I’d do it right, and that’s why you called me, hmm?”

“Yes, sir.” You felt the cool leather against your backside, threatening to strike at the first wrong word or action. You took a long breath, waiting for his next move.

“Did you think he could take care of you like I do?” The possessive nature of his statement took you as a shock; there had never been a time where you had discussed boundaries, titles, or anything official. It was messy, hookups with no real promise of more but so many buried feelings that it made it near painful for everyone. From all you knew, the competition between the brothers was fierce, but expected. Jealousy was not something you had thought would surface. You pushed the thought away, understanding that Jake had not said anything extremely offhand. You chalked the comment up to his competitive nature, and left it at that. At the same time, you fought to ignore the feeling of delight that came with the thought of being his.

At your silence, the belt raised and came down on your bare ass. It was not nearly as hard as he could have hit you, but it was enough to send a shock through you. The lasting sting was a reminder to answer him in a timely fashion. “No comment?” He taunted. You could hear the smirk in his tone, almost pushing you to test your limits, but you decided it was best not to. “Did you think he could make you feel as good as I do?”

“No, sir.” Now was not the time to tell him you did not call Sam and invite him over, or that when you answered the door, you expected it to be him. He didn’t want to hear that; his feelings were hurt, and he wanted you to fuel his ego.

“Doesn’t seem like he did a very good job, angel. Not a single mark on you.” He noted. You could feel his eyes scanning you, inspecting for any signs of the betrayal littering your skin. The leather of the belt was gently tickling your backside, threatening you with punishment if you did not adhere to the rules. “Did he make you feel good, baby?” His question seemed like one of self-punishment. He would know if you were lying, but the truth was undesirable.

“Y-yes,” you muttered, feeling guilty for even saying that to his face.

“As good as I do?” He asked, his tone more pressing than before. You had no idea how to answer him, because you didn’t know. It was different, and you were unable to compare it to each other because they were both fantastic for different reasons. So, you opted to test your luck and give him the answer he wanted to hear from you.

“No, baby.” You said, trying to sound as confident as possible.

“No?” He asked, questioning your response. You were frustrated with him, unsure of the answer he wanted to hear. He seemed to pick up on every lie without difficulty, leaving you stuck with truth, even if you thought it would do more harm than good.

“I-i don’t know, Jake.” You said, honesty finally showing.

“Then tell me what you do know.” His condescending attitude was insufferable, making you realize that this game was not for any other reason than to shame you for your actions. He wasn’t catering to his own ego, or mending his own wounds. He wanted you to feel embarrassed, regretful for the stunt you pulled and the scene he witnessed. He wanted you to feel the same embarrassment he felt when he showed up only to find that Sam had beat him to it. “What happened that night, angel?”

“I was waiting for you, Jake.” You told him, more truthful than anything else you could have said. “I heard a knock on the door and I thought it was you. I was excited, thought maybe I won the argument for once. When I opened the door, it wasn’t you. I didn’t call Sam, I didn’t invite him over to spite you. He showed up.” You explained, desperate for him to know that you would never do that to him. “I didn’t even know it was him until the door was open.” Jakes movements stuttered, the belt he was taunting you with coming to a halt for a moment. He had misjudged you, and although knowing that you invited Sam inside was painful, his reaction was based off the conclusion that you called Sam when he refused to give in to you. He was mistaken, but in typical Jake fashion, he couldn’t seem to fess up to his wrongdoing. He was in too deep to backtrack, and his contempt for the situation was still too large to ignore.

“But you invited him in, didn’t you?” His voice was softer; you could tell the explanation satiated at least some of the ache he had been feeling.

“I did.” You admitted. If his goal was to make you feel shame, it was working. Perhaps at the time, your guilt was not large enough to derail your desire for sex, but now it made you never want to look at Sam again.

“And you didn’t think that was a bad idea?” He pressed. You could feel him gravitating closer to you, his hips almost pushing into you now. He was dragging this out even longer than he liked, but he continued on, nonetheless. “Didn’t care about anyone’s feelings other than your own?” He snapped, finally outwardly admitting that it had hurt him, even if it was unintentional.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, but it wasn’t enough.

“You’re not sorry, angel. I know you would do it again if I left you here like this.”

“I’m trying to apologize, Jake!” You said, frustrated with his lack of respect for your words. “I know I fucked up, but you didn’t have to disappear like that!” Your attitude was quickly changed when the smack of the belt was felt on your skin again, harder than the last time. Your jaw clenched, teeth grinding together to distract you from the sting.

“Apologize for what?” He hissed. “You keep saying sorry, but you don’t even know what you’re sorry for.” A tear welled up in your eye, still processing the bluntness of the belt. You were frustrated, tired of the back and fourth, and most of all, desperate for him to get off his high horse and fuck you. You were both hurting with no proper way of communicating it. The whole foundation of your relationship was sex; neither of you had a clue how to approach the complex feelings that were beginning to surface. Both of you fell in step with the devil, driven by the premise of each other’s bodies and ignored any thought of emotion. It had only been a week, and the sexual gratification had already grown old, overpowered by the need for something deeper. “Sorry that you were a little whore? That you couldn’t keep your legs closed and wait for me? Or are you just sorry that you didn’t get away with it?” The belt dropped to the floor with a pathetic plop, easily forgotten about in the heat of the moment. You would have turned around on your own accord, faced him with just as much fire had it not been for him doing it for you.

Once you were facing him, fully immersed in his features, you could see that underneath all of his anger, that pain was desperate to be released, begging to be discussed. “It doesn’t matter, angel. I don’t care if you’re sorry.” He looked over your face, noticing the same fire in your eyes. The same pain was there, too. You were both fools to believe that it would magically disappear once you both had an orgasm. He stepped forward, ultimately pushing you back into the wall. You looked up at him, furious but still just as turned on. Sex would not fix the problem, but it certainly would take your mind off of it. “I’m going to fuck that attitude out of you, show you why you should have waited.”

“Do it, then.” You snapped, unable to bite your tongue anymore. “I’m sick of talking. Keep saying you’re going to, but haven’t made a move yet.” His eyes lingered over your face, distaste for your words clearly evident, but he didn’t respond. Instead he freed himself from his pants, in too much of a rush to shut you up to bother fully taking them off. He used his hand to make sure you were firmly against the wall, forgoing caution completely. His hand settled on your thigh, roughly pulling your leg up and around him. He kept his hand there, holding you to him as he bent down slightly, angling himself so he could access you easier.

Once he was lined up, he pushed inside of you without any delay. You let out a sigh of relief, but his face was stony, like he barely noticed the difference. He wasn’t fucking you for pleasure, and he was making that clear. His free hand travelled up to your neck, fingers lightly resting over your throat. “You don’t get to speak to me like that, sweetheart.” He said, hips slowly begging to rock into you. “You don’t get to speak at all, anymore. No more teasing, no more back talk, nothing.” He growled, his fingers tightening further with every word. “If you want to be a whore, you get treated like one. I have no problem with that.” As he finished, you could feel the lack of blood flow begin to wane, your heartbeat strong against the vein he was compressing. The feeling of him inside you was amplified by a million, the airy feeling in your head making it unable to think of anything other than Jake. The only thing you could focus on was the look in his eye, the feral craze of anger peeking through more by the second.

When you thought you couldn’t take any more, the brink of unconsciousness beginning to creep in from the corners of your eyes, his fingers loosened. He awake angry, sure, but never willing to cause you harm. He cared about you far too much to risk hurting you. You drew in a long gasp, feeling the prickle of stars in your vision as you tried to come back to earth. You barely had a moment to recuperate before he began his next series of degradation. “This is what you wanted so badly?” He said, his face growing closer to yours. He rested his forehead on your own, feeling the pressure begin to rise. His irascible front was breaking, slowly melting away the closer he got to you. The gravitational pull you so often felt from him was strong, and he was feeling the same one from you. “You wanted it so bad that you settled for less?” He paused his movements, reaching down for your other leg. With great trust, you allowed him to pick you up and wrap your other leg around him. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him in closer.

He was engulfing you like a cloud of smoke, every angle completely obscured by the weight of his existence. Every time you attempted to break free, he was there. He existed in every part of you, every molecule of your body coated with his name and cracking under the pressure of his touch. Jake was everywhere, in everything and never seeming to truly leave. Every corner you turned, every door opened and even when you closed your eyes, he existed somewhere within the darkness. It was unbearable, feeling like every limb was anchored down by the knowledge of what it felt like to be loved by him, but you believed that if you were free, you would float away into nothing. Every small wish that Jake would break the ties with you, that the situation would come to a civil end, the passing thought of how easy it would have been if he never approached at all seemed null. You knew that even if he walked out, somehow withered away into nothing and left you alone with doubt he ever existed, you would never recover from the loss of something so spectacular. You wondered if you never knew the extent of his touch, how groundbreaking it was, if you would have ever realized what you were missing out on. You thought you would have, eventually, because a feeling so exhilarating is something you yearn for infinitely, and the one he gave you was all that, and more.

“I want to hear you say it, angel.” He snarled, his fingers pressing in to you with the same feeling as a blade. It was phenomenal. He was phenomenal, and you never wanted to go so long without him again. He was pulling you down on him with every thrust of his hips. The position seemed so limiting for many, but complemented him so greatly. Everything he did was fantastic, intricate work with lasting impact. You were certain there was nothing Jake could do that would be less than amazing. You were thankful for his idea to move to the recording booth, because the moans that were escaping you were nothing short of pornographic, something you typically would only hear from an actor desperate to pay rent. But you weren’t acting, and it wasn’t a show of apology, or anything of the sorts. You never sugarcoated anything for him; everything shared between you was raw and anything but fake. “Tell me how good it feels.”

“So good, Jake.” You cried, hands gripping for something to hold, to ground you and bring you back to sanity. There was nothing that would give you the relief, and that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted you to crazy for him, delirious on the idea of him alone and disturbed at the thought of being without him. If he could have his way, you would never even have the chance to think of anyone other than him. “You make me feel so good, baby.”

“Do you think anybody else can do a better job?” He asked, only using your praise as motivation to work harder.

“N-no, Jake.” You shook your head, motion limited due to his head resting on your own. You weren’t lying; in the race of feelings, Sam had a head start. There was no doubt in the minds of any of you about that. In turn, Jake had mastered the art of sex. So much so that he had you at his feet without even touching you, without you even realizing it. You would chase after him for the rest of your life for even a shred of what he was giving you then. Sex with Sam was dripping with love, soft and sweet, echoing with words everybody longs to hear. It was good, great, even. You had no regrets about the night you shared with him, but Jake was otherworldly. It was his charm, his wicked wildcard he pulled when he knew he had to compete for you. If he couldn’t make you fall in love with him within a day, he knew he could stalemate you in lust.

His head buried in the crook of your neck, assaulting the skin with the fervour of a madman, locating all of the sensitive spots like an animal searching for prey. You couldn’t stop yourself from crying out, his name echoing off the walls in an obscene decoration, permanent memories of his generosity etched into the air and settling into the wood. No matter how you tried to excise his presence, you couldn’t stop him from taking over. It didn’t matter where you were or how brief the encounter; from the moment he arrived, Jake owned the place, and it would always be like so. You could feel the pressure building, his body melting into your own in with strange comfort. He was slowly purging any life from you, leeching any energy and keeping it for his own, but it was too late to stop it. Even if you had the opportunity, you weren’t sure you would. To descend into nothing at the hands of Jake was the most compelling thing you could ever imagine, because you would have the opportunity to be with him until the end.

He could feel you tense, your walls clenching around him in a plea for an orgasm. You were desperate, the separation from him had taken more from you than you cared to admit. Even the thought of an orgasm from Jake was blissful all in itself, and you couldn’t hold on any longer. When the steady stream of moans tapered off into choked cries, he knew you were feeling too good to even think of making a sound. He knew how badly you wanted it and he cared for you enough to give you anything, but he was too angry to allow you the satisfaction, to let you believe you were off the hook. When you gripped at the hair on the base of his neck, holding him in preparation for the climax, he stopped completely. For a moment, you failed to realize what had happened. You were too deep into the pleasure to understand that his hips had stopped, and his body was pulling away from you. Once you did, it washed over you in a wave of agony.

Not once did you believe that you would be so desperate for another person to beg. Not in some minor, sexual gratification way, but in a violent, anguished manner. One where you believed if he didn’t give in, you would never survive. For Jake, for the way only he could make you feel, you would, and quite shamelessly at that. You would go to the ends of the earth to find the relief of the orgasm he was so happy to deny you. You were so distraught at the loss of the feeling that you couldn’t even conjure the proper words to express your distaste. Instead, a whine sounded from deep in your chest, one that wasn’t afraid of showing transparency. When he looked to you, you felt like he could see into your soul, pinpoint the very things that made you, you. You were so desperate for him that you had no shame in showing him exactly how you felt about him, and even if it was a wordless show of adoration, he knew.

His issue did not lie within the lack of knowledge about your feelings for him. He was well aware of that by now. Almost as painfully aware as he was about his own feelings for you. All of the emotions running through you, the forces you felt when you were around him, the suffocating weight of the connection was not one sided. He was suffering from the same debilitating realizations as you were. His issue was not with your heart nor your intentions, and much less about his anger, now. In fact, the motivator for his actions no longer coincided with the reasons he showed up at your door. Now, he was driven by his pure enjoyment of seeing you in such a state.

Perhaps the truth of the sadism accusations the two of you grew so fond of had finally found its proper place. It was hanging over his head in a blinding fashion, a horrific branding, almost as if it was always meant to be there. He was no longer proving a point; that was made long before he even shed an article of clothing. Instead, it was replaced by an undying desire to leave you in such a state where the only coherent thought you could form was his name.

“What’s wrong, angel?” He dared ask the question despite knowing exactly why you were upset. “Why are you upset?” His fake sympathy was nothing short of infuriating. You were well aware of your place, now, knowing that if you refused to play into him, you would never get what you wanted.

“Please, Jake. I need you.” You pleaded, hoping for a shred of compassion. “Need you so bad, baby. I can’t take it anymore.” He slowly let you down to your feet, making sure you were steady before taking a step back from you. The scene was pathetic; you were naked, begging for his attention while he stood carelessly, almost completely clothed. Had anyone else attempted to do the same, it would be laughable. Somehow, Jake made the situation seem completely normal, like it was an everyday occurrence that he had a girl begging for him so desperately while he was so careless. And because it was for him, you didn’t seem to see an issue with it, either.

He grabbed your hand, giving you a gentle pull away from the wall. Even though the action was emotionless on his part, you couldn’t help but hope. “You’re only okay with being a whore if you’re getting something from it?” He let out a disapproving tsk, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I don’t know what to do with you, sweetheart.” He said, almost as if he was defeated. “Can’t ever seem to please you, can I? You always want more.”

“Jake, please.” Your attempt was fruitless. He didn’t care what you had to say, and it was blatantly obvious.

“Today’s about teaching you how to care about somebody other than yourself, angel. Gotta learn how to give if you’re ever going to get.” Your eyes fluttered closed, not wanting to show your frustration with him, but finding it impossible not to. “On your knees.” He ordered. Before you even had time to process his words, he snapped again. “Now.” You did as you were told, sinking to the floor in a hurry. Once you were ready for his next advance, you looked up at his face. He was watching you, expression still cold, but a hint of warmth flickered in his eye. It was the most comforting thing you had seen from him all day, and you wished you could hold on to it forever.

Despite your anger, you couldn’t overlook the sight before you. You wanted an orgasm, but pleasuring him was the next best thing. Sometimes, it was even better. One of his hands brushed over your cheek, a brief moment of love before he grabbed your hair in his fist. He was anything but gentle, but you didn’t mind. If allowing him to air his feelings out would mean things could return back to normal, you were happy to oblige. Your mouth was watering at the sight of him, uncaring about anything other than him being inside you again, no matter which way. You were addicted to him, always needing more but never fully satisfied. He was right in saying so, because you knew you could never get enough of him.

“You’re going to be good for me, and then maybe I’ll consider giving you what you want. And don’t you dare try to get yourself off, either.” He was clear about his rules, and you weren’t willing to contest. “I can’t be the only one putting in the effort, baby.” As he spoke, his grip on your hair only tightened. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” You said, barely hearing his words. You were stuck in awe of his beauty, how effortless it was all of the time.

“That’s my girl,” he smiled, but it was a twisted one. He wasn’t pleased at your obedience, but more at the thought of using you as he pleased. “Open.” His command shot through you, immediately springing you into action. As soon as your lips parted, he guided your head towards his cock. He didn’t care for caution, but but remained hyper-aware of your every move, ready to stop the second you showed slight discomfort. He thrusted his hips forward, stripping you of any control. There was no grace period, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat with little warning. You couldn’t help but feel a gag arise, the feeling foreign but not unwelcome.

The feeling of your throat constricting around him was almost too much for him, a groan sounding from his chest. He was driven by pleasure, the feeling of your mouth was something he could never forget. He started at a steady pace, holding your head while his hips did the work. You were barely starting and already struggling to keep up with him, but you were aching to please him. The feeling of him in your mouth and down your throat was overwhelming, but it was fantastic all the same. As tears welled in your eyes, you were worried you wouldn’t be able to give him what you wanted, but the feeling of making him feel good was too wonderful to deny. Giving Jake the same thing he gave you was more than you could ever ask for and all you ever wanted to do.

“That’s it, angel.” His praise was followed by another breathy moan. The sounds he made were certainly better than any other sound in the world. Far superior to any promise of eternal happiness. You wished you could spend every lifetime hearing him speak his songs of pleasure. You couldn’t help but let out a moan yourself, although muffled, just to show him you were happy to serve him. He began moving your head down on him as he thrusted, crazed by the feeling and wanting even more. You tried to steady your breathing, the lack of air giving you a slight sense of panic. You closed your eyes, focused only on him and the sounds he was making. “Look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” The vulgarity was anything but beautiful, but he had a way of making everything sound gorgeous.

The tears spilled down your cheeks, a mess of mascara littering your skin. You weren’t certain you could keep up with him much longer, but luckily for you, he was getting close to slowing down. He kept his pace for a few moments longer, but the sensation was too much and he willed himself to stop. When he pulled away, you were shocked at the suddenness of his action. A prickle of fear ran through you, worried that you hadn’t done a good enough job. In truth, it was too good. “I should just cum in your mouth and leave you here.” He theorized, his chest heaving a heavy breath as he spoke. “Like you so much better when you can’t fucking talk back.” You blinked away the last few tears that had formed, regaining your composure and catching your breath. You knew it was an act, but you couldn’t help but feel the sting of his words settle all over.

He looked down at you, noticing the state you were in. His eyes softened, always worried about taking it too far. He reached down, thumb swiping away any tears still lingering on your cheeks. Your eyes fluttered closed at the contact, appreciating any bit of affection he was willing to give. “I wouldn’t do that to you, sweetheart. You know that.” You nodded, opting to keep your eyes closed for just a moment longer. “Stand up for me, baby.” He coaxed, tone more gentle than it was before. You did as he asked, slowly rising to your feet. Once you were steady, he guided you back towards the wall. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, taking a good look at his face, now. Somehow even amidst the chaos, he radiated comfort. You were certain he could make the worst of feelings dissolve into nothing. “I’m okay.” He let out a sigh of relief, happy that you were still alright. As much as he enjoyed pushing you, your comfortability with it was his main priority.

“You did so good, angel. Exactly what I wanted.” He said, fingers returning to your cheek for a loving caress. “Not so hard to do what you’re told, is it?”

“No,” you replied, still unwilling to contest his dominance. He leaned in, placing a kiss to your lips. It was sweet, only lasting for a moment before he straightened up once more. Without another word, he sunk to his knees below you. You watched in admiration, wondering if he was really going to be so kind. When he guided your leg over his shoulder, relief flooded through you. You rested your back against the wall, eager for him to advance. His lips trailed over the skin of your thigh, almost too gentle for the occasion. You let your fingers settle in his hair, softly holding him for encouragement.

He seemed to draw out the buildup painfully long, making sure you were quivering with anticipation before he even thought to touch you. Slowly but surely, he connected his mouth with your cunt, his tongue exploring every part of you, savouring the taste of his own hard work. He barely had to do a thing to turn you into a mess again, moans slipping past your lips with every slight moment. You were close to an orgasm just at the thought of his tongue, and feeling him in such a way after so much teasing was phenomenal. His tongue settled on your clit, barely stimulating you at all. Even so, you were more than happy that he allowed you anything at all.

“Fuck, Jake.” You groaned, fingers tightening in his hair. He hummed against you, letting you know how much he loved hearing you say his name like that. “Feels so fucking good.” The words were shaky, filled with every emotion you had been feeling since he arrived. Even if you were desperate for a climax, you were still just as content to enjoy him in the moment. He picked up his pace, the intensity of his actions sending a wave of pleasure through every nerve in your body. You couldn’t help but grind your hips against his mouth, begging for more. His fingers had a firm grasp on you, sure to decorate your thigh with marks to remember him by.

You were already close, the edging from before had ensured you were extremely sensitive. Every stroke of his tongue was like a push closer to the edge. He could tell just by the sound of you, the tremble in your legs, the grasp you had on his hair. It was fuelling his ego, as if it needed to be inflated any further. The muscles in your leg tensed, pulling him in further without even realizing it. Your heartbeat was violent against your ribs, the knot in your belly barely hanging on. Your chest heaved with each breath as you tried to keep up with your need for air. The pleasure was so intense that it was almost hard to breathe. With one particularly whiny moan, he realized he had you right where he wanted you to be. He worked faster, more precise with his movement as he inched you closer to an orgasm. A slur of curses fell from your lips, your forehead glistening with sweat as you prepared for the inevitable peak of pleasure. You couldn’t keep yourself quiet, loudly but wordlessly pleading for him to keep going. Just as you felt your abdomen tense, you were torn out of the clouds and harshly brought back to earth.

He had stopped, pulled away completely and was looking up at you with a smug smile. Between the searing feeling of losing the orgasm and the anger for his attitude, you let out a primal wail through closed teeth, lessening the impact of the sound. You were frustrated, ready to give up and leave to spare yourself from any more disappointment. You couldn’t even bear the thought of looking at him, scared it would shatter the small bit of dignity you had left. Before you had a chance to speak, the crushing feeling was replaced with one of pleasure. He had returned to you, continuing his tirade as if there was never a disturbance in the first place. The suddenness of his actions was giving you whiplash, a false sense of hope for a climax began to bloom once more. A cry of relief sounded as his tongue returned to its previous place, sounding only louder as he brought his hand to you as well. As his mouth made quick work at getting you back to your prior state, he slipped his fingers inside you, pumping them at a steady pace with a slight curl as he entered.

You were in too much bliss to speak, only focused on the heavenly feeling of him touching you. You hated that he made it so easy to forget any ill feelings, so easy to fall into his trap. He was magnificent, every move perfectly calculated with intent to kill. He wanted you to be so immersed in him that you couldn’t stand the thought of another person doing the same things he did to you. He wanted to be the only thing in your mind forever, and it was working. It was impossible to want anything other than Jake, especially when he was right in front of you. You felt guilty, but not on Sam’s behalf. Usually by now you would be mortified by your own actions, haunted by your choices and your inability to learn from your mistakes. This time, the only guilt you had was for letting three days pass without being touched by Jake. It was so good that not even your constant moral dilemma could interfere, this time. Perhaps there was a smidge of guilt for not even thinking of the other boy, but every time it arose, it was abolished in an instant.

It seemed like the longer your entanglement dragged on, the more blurry the line between right and wrong appeared. The dance continued, and your morals cracked under the weight of your step.

He was no stranger to your body, the small time he spent getting to know it was more than what he needed to memorize your likes and dislikes. Getting you to an orgasm was easier than writing his own name; he only needed to do it once to master the process. You could barely keep your thoughts straight, the feeling so intense that it clouded your mind and numbed anything else. You couldn’t even find the energy to worry if he was going to pull away or not. The only thing you cared about was the utmost effort that he was pouring into you. “J-jake, please don’t stop.” You gasped. Your eyes were squeezed shut, every nerve in your body was on fire, you felt like if he let go of you, you would collapse without the support. “God, please, baby. I need it so bad.” For a brief second, you believed your begging was finally working. He seemed intent, no sign of pulling away. His grip was tight on your thigh and he couldn’t help but let his own noises of pleasure escape him every now and again. He seemed more invested in you than you were in him, and that was almost impossible. If he didn’t think there was a need to punish you, he would have spent all night between your legs without a complaint.

A particularly needy cry left your mouth, one soaked in desperation. He knew how badly you wanted it, and he was almost ready to give in. As your leg trembled over his shoulder, the last warning sign before your desired outcome, he came back to reality pulled away again. This time, the guttural sound that tore from your mouth was almost painful to listen to. Tears of frustration prickled at your eyes, and you had to clench your teeth to stop yourself from another protest. He watched you, revelling in the state you were in. It was so enchanting that he couldn’t even look away. To know that he could bring you to such a state was a wonderful feeling, and he wasn’t sure if he could ever let it go. You couldn’t even will yourself to look at him again, but for a much different reason this time. You were afraid that if you did, the tears you wanted to keep hidden would make even more of an appearance. You were exhausted, at your limit, and unsure if you could continue on with his game. You were beginning to believe he wouldn’t let you cum at all, and that thought was deeply unsettling. Although, you were beginning to understand that you had ultimately done the same thing to him, but in a much more hurtful manner.

He rose from his knees, slowly reaching for your face. He wiped away the tears that had fallen, only half-sympathetic to your anguish. “Turn around for me, baby.” He ordered, but the words were soft. You did as you were told, no argument to give. When you were facing the wall, he took hold of your hips. He pulled you back towards him, then pushed your upper half back towards the wall. “Have you had enough?” You could feel him lining himself up with you as he asked. You couldn’t help but push yourself back on him, unable to control yourself. You needed him in the same way a starving man needed nourishment. You needed him in the same way the sun needed the moon, or how the earth needed water. It was primal, something greater than survival, and you needed it right then and there. He couldn’t even utter a word of complaint, the sensation catching him off guard and sending him in the same down-spiral you were stuck in. You were no longer two individuals who were angry, hurting with no way of expressing it. You were one with each other, finally seeming to see the same things and meet on common ground.

“Do you know how badly I wanted this?” He asked, using the strength in his arms to pull you back on him. “How terrible it was to know that somebody else had you like this?” Another harsh thrust sent your head spinning and the moans tumbling from your lips. “To know somebody else’s name was on your lips?” You were delirious from the moment he began to fuck you, drunk off his presence and willing to do anything to keep him like this. “To know that he couldn’t do it right? That he couldn’t give you what I can?”

A cry of pleasure ran through you as he slammed into you again. He moved one hand to your shoulder, holding you steady as he continued his relentless movements. You were on cloud nine, barely breathing and unable to care about anything he was saying.

“Tell me how good it feels, angel. Tell me how much you love it when I fuck you.” He growled, uncaring about the roughness of his grasp on you and completely unaware of the reality of his words. He was begging you, although it didn’t seem like it. He was desperate to hear how much you wanted him, how he was the only one who could do it right. It was a possessive claim, jealousy seeping through every available crack in his persona. He was in the race until the end, willing to fight for you no matter the outcome, but it did not mean he was immune to the pain of knowing there was another person in the race. The stab of knowing someone else got to touch you, to love you like he so badly wanted to. He may have done it to himself, but it did not mean he was blind to any turmoil he had created.

“Feels so good, Jake.” You groaned, the words surrounding him like a blanket of comfort. “You made me feel so good. I missed you so much.” The final part of your statement was like a punch to the stomach. It hit him so brutally that he thought he might keel over from the force. His hand snaked up to your hair, collecting it in his fist and holding it tightly. He guided your head to the side, just enough for him to lean down and kiss you. The act was beautiful, so peaceful amongst the obscene display. You knew you could spend all day kissing him and never need anything else. When he parted from your lips, he remained close to your face, not quite ready to break from the bubble of comfort that surrounded him.

“Have you learned your lesson, yet?” He asked, distancing himself from you just slightly. “Do you know why you should have waited?”

“G-god, yes.” You nodded against the force of his hand holding your head in place. He never broke his momentum, hips still slamming into you relentlessly. It was painfully good, each thrust hitting you with more power every time. You didn’t know if you could hold back your orgasm, this time, especially if he wasn’t willing to stop.

“You know I’m the only one who can make you feel this good, angel. Nobody else can fuck you like this.” Instead of a response, another whine fell from your lips. The pressure in your belly was excruciatingly strong, he could feel it without you even saying anything at all.

“N-nobody else, baby.” You had no guilt in the statement, either, finally crossing the final line between right and wrong. Now, no need seemed more important than the one that was pressing for you to please him. No more guilt for the back and fourth, just enjoyment for the attention you received amidst their fighting. Every moral was blurred, diminishing and lines crossing, melting into each other. You were not a pawn for them to play with, a little piece to their game in which they flaunted for advantage. You were playing, now. Your own strategies and tactics surfacing to throw them off, to make them think before walking blindly. The power was in fact yours, and you were finally able to understand that. The power to hurt, to love, and to end it all in an instant. The sorrow truth was that you weren’t ready for it to be over; you were the only one who could stop it, but you didn’t have the strength to do it. You didn’t know how to do it. The blissful joy of the love they both gave to you was so beautiful that you had no idea how to refuse it.

“You want to cum, angel?” He asked, meaning his words this time. Your mistrust of him was still there, but your hope was that you were wrong in doubting his intentions. He had pushed you far beyond your limits, and you were hoping he could see that, too.

“Y-yes please, sir.” You stuttered, the knot painfully tightening once again. You couldn’t hold back, the need to climax stronger than anything you had ever experienced before. You were tense, vibrating at the thought of him being generous enough to allow it. You knew you were completely at his disposal, but you didn’t seem to care. There was no fight in you, just complete submission to him. The only thing you could do was pray that he had fulfilled his need for punishment, that he believed you were worthy of forgiveness. “Please, Jake. I need it so bad. Please,” you gasped, feeling him reach around your hips. Within an instant, his fingers found your clit and wasted no time tracing small circles into the sensitive area.

The noise that came out of you was inhuman, all of your desperation making a show in the single sound. You could tell it affected his mood; he was practically radiating emotion for you. “You were so good for me, angel." He confessed. You could hear his own internal battle against his own orgasm just through his words. “Come on, baby. Cum for me.” The words were the best thing you could ever hear. Some part of you believed he would never give in, but the permissive statement was too glorious to ignore. Within seconds, you had descended into a mess of words, none really with any significance, but you had no other way to express how good you felt. The slur of curses were decorated with his name, cemented in a few guttural moans to commemorate his excellent performance. You could barely keep yourself standing, your legs were weak, wobbly underneath the weight of you. If not for him holding you up, you were certain the ground below you would be your new home. “That’s it,” he strangled out, affected greatly by your state. “That’s my girl.” The words were like a catalyst for a second orgasm. You weren’t sure if you were stuck in perpetual motion, in limbo with one long, drawn out climax, or if he had sent you into a second before you even had the chance to recover. No matter which it was, you were certain you had never felt like that before in your entire lifetime. If he wasn’t addictive before, you knew you could never escape him, now.

“Did that feel good?” He asked, never slowing his pace. “You feel better now, beautiful?” You managed out a whine that had semblance to an agreement. He wasn’t far behind you, for the first time that evening his movements stuttered, sloppy after a long stretch of tormenting you. As much as you wanted him to feel the same way you had, you didn’t want it to end. You were so crazy for him that you couldn’t stand the thought of stopping.

“So much better.” You assured him, but you had no time to think about your relief. His effect on you was stronger than ever, perhaps because of your withdrawal from him, or just because he was so intoxicating. It only took a moment for another climax to begin creeping up on you. The feeling was intense, almost like it was driving you insane. Partially due to overstimulation, but mostly because of his relentless focus on you. His hand was still working in time with his hips, and he knew exactly what he was doing. The sensation was overwhelming, yes, but he was more so, without a doubt.

“Can you do it again, angel?” He said, a hint of the devil in his eyes. Although you couldn’t see it, you knew him well enough to know it was there.

“I don’t know,” you warned. The feeling was good, no doubt, but it was intense. It felt like it was taking over every nerve, shouting over every thought.

“You can. I know you can.” He encouraged. You knew his encouragement was due to his own inability to hold back any longer. He wanted you to cum with him, and it was not a desire he was willing to debate. Thankfully, as much as you lacked confidence in yourself, you knew with his guidance it would not be difficult to fulfil his wish. You could feel it in your bones, the strength of the orgasm that he was coaxing from you. “Come on, angel.” He pleaded. “Be a good girl for me, I know you can.” He repeated himself, and the consistency was all you needed. If possible, the climax that washed over you was more intense than the one before. Your brain felt as if it was short circuiting, filled only with thoughts about the boy behind your source of pleasure. He was invading every part of your brain, taking over with little effort and making home forever. You held the wall for support, trying to keep yourself steady, but in truth, his hands were the only thing holding you up. Once you surrendered to the pleasure, it didn’t take long for him to follow suit and spill his release into you. The orgasm was extremely overwhelming for both of you, leaving you in a mess of tangled limbs and sweaty bodies. The air was filled with moans and swears, both of you echoing each others names like it was a hymn of love for each other. When you both came down, he was reluctant to move. He wanted to live in that moment forever. He leaned forward, pressing a few delicate kisses into your shoulder. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, wishing you could exist with the softest version of Jake for the rest of your life.

“I’m sorry.” You spoke first, breaking through the silence. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry, too.” He admitted to his own wrongdoing with no hesitation. “It wasn’t my place to be upset.”

“No,” You shook your head. “You’re allowed to be upset.” His hand drifted over your bare back, the touch electrifying you in a whole new way. He didn’t want to keep talking about the subject. In his mind, he was over it.

“I like you, Gold Dust Woman.” He said, gently pulling you away from the wall. “A lot.” He carefully maneuvered you into a hug, his arms wrapping around you and his hands settling on your stomach. You felt all of the tension melt away as his chin rested on your shoulder.

“I like you, Jake.” You admitted. You could feel his smile as he placed a kiss to your cheek.

“I was hoping you did.” He hummed, showing no sign of letting go. “I think those were the most beautiful sounds this booth has ever heard.” He noted. “I know they’re the most beautiful ones I’ve ever heard.” You felt a blush dust across your cheek, a small giggle sounding from you. “Maybe next time I should hit that record button, take something home with me.”

“You can take me home, Jacob. Isn’t that better?”

“Better for sure, but I can’t always take you home, angel.” His words were light, but the meaning was heavy. Although the air was clear, the situation was certainly not resolved. Unfortunately for him, it would take a final decision before that wound was healed. “Get dressed, I’m taking you to dinner.” That was his final order, his original doting persona beginning to surface and was bound to stay for the rest of the night.

“Looking like this?” the idea was incredulous to you, but he had no worry in the world about it.

“You’ll still be the prettiest one there.” He placed another kiss to your cheek before carefully removing himself from you. You thought that was impossible, because he would be there. “Now come on, I’ve got lost time to make up for.” He reminded, but you hadn’t forgotten. His disappearance was still haunting you, the hole in your chest not fully closed because you were scared he would leave again. When you turned and looked at him, you realized that was the last thing he wanted to do.

You both left the studio with a bit more pep in your step than before, but it was not quite enough to stop the looming threat of the biggest struggle yet. You both had made up for your mistakes, apologized for the lack of communication and bruised feelings, but it was nothing short of a surface conflict, and the apologies were tiny compared to the lasting wound it left in its wake. You hadn’t really discussed it at all, just expressed your distaste and brushed over the biggest aggressor. Still, that was minuscule in comparison to the bigger picture. Your momentary hurt was only a stepping stone to guide you to the window of truth. The real issue lied within something much deeper; you and Jake had surpassed the threshold of simplicity. You both held the power to hurt each other, now, and the imminent threat of that was much larger than anything else you had ever experienced before.

Did she make you cry?

Make you break down?