underwhelming

They’re cutting the thread I’m hanging on by tomorrow

i hate to admit this but i think if i were in a bad mood and spongebob were around i wouldnt be able to navigate that situation with the patience or grace it demands. and i worry he would blame himself

im no better than squidward

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

we need a universal grocery classification system like the dewey decimal to aid in shelving, so i don’t have to figure out whether you think maple syrup goes with the sauces, breakfast foods, jams, or condiments

who was the mf who decided that eyes and teeth shouldnt be part of healthcare. id like a word

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"