Jess

One day I'll go somewhere you cannot follow. And it will be the end of it all. The end of you and me and us. Like there has never been anything.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to let you fully in. It's like the mask is glued to my face to keep me from letting people see. But maybe, just maybe, you can feel me. Fully feel me. At least I wish for you to.

And while pain tried to take it all from me, I remembered my best and worst ability. I. Turned. It. Off. All of it. Like I always did. The pain became my best weapon against myself. While tearing up my skin to find my soul, I found it to be gone. And with it all my emotions and the ability to love.

Who would have thought that after all this trauma I'd start to hate being touched even by the closest people?

Nine years. Three years gone. But I still feel the pain. The worst goodbye hurts for the longest.

Maybe one day we'll meet again and it all falls into place.

Going back to darker colors was always the sign for the next episode to hit. But what if I never quit? What if it's always been like this? What if those emotions never been there and I just imagined? Being numb as standard?

I do not fear others as I am my own worst enemy

The worst part of dreaming is waking up. When I still feel your touch on my skin and you are not there.