zeno

When the trials are over (exams) and i am reborn again (broken foot no longer broken) every little thing will be drunk to the last drop

it was new year's many years back, it was a boy's apartment, a friend of a boyfriend of my best friend, boy party, sleepover, alcohol, freezing on a balcony for every smoke. don't talk very much with strangers, but one of them got close and i enjoyed it, the attention, the tenderness, the drunkness, i leaned my head on his chest and got sleepy. then everyone left the room and i jumped up, started talking again, sat at a table for the rest of the night. after hours of nothing i grabbed my sleeping pad and called my dad. When i was telling her smiley goodbyes at the door she said "i'm worried about you." she didn't understand and i didn't understand but i felt wronged and angry as i was running down the stairs and that's all i see now as i'm remembering it, many flights of staris with the lights off. it was snowing heavily. i think about it all the time.

few things caused me as much anxiety as spin the bottle in middle school

Everything just is and is and is and is and is and is

sometimes i feel like people don't deserve to know things about me, sometimes even those i hold close. i sit on my thoughts, desires and pains like a dragon on gold