I have no idea what I'm doing

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

if you're ever beating yourself up for 'missing the obvious hints' that someone is romantically interested in you, know this: i once met a guy who asked out a girl after she sent him nude pictures of herself in the bath and she said she wasn't interested. it is never obvious

accidentally asked a customer today if she would like to "put in your phone number for amazing digital coupons?"