A lot of people with BPD don’t just feel pain. We feel endings.
Not “this hurts right now,” but “this is it, and nothing comes after.”
The nervous system decides the story is over.
One thing that can help is keeping a list.
Not a gratitude list. Not a “silver linings” exercise. Not something meant to cheer you up.
Just a document with a name like: Things that felt final but weren’t.
Every time you spiral, you add to it. Without editing or reframing.
Things like:
The moment you were sure you had ruined everything forever
The relationship loss that felt like it erased who you were
The rejection that seemed to confirm every fear you have about yourself
The time you didn’t get the job you wanted
The time you were convinced you would never feel safe or steady again
Later, when your body is calmer, you can read old entries.
And something can become clear. You survived. You’re still here.
Not because it didn’t devastate you. Not because it “worked out” neatly. But because even when your emotions told you the ending had arrived, time kept moving.
This list can be helpful evidence. It can be evidence that emotions can feel absolute without being permanent. Evidence that intensity does not equal truth. Evidence that things carry on even when they feel they can’t.
You can add notes later if you want. Not to invalidate the pain, but to add context.
Example: I didn’t get the job (but I did get another one and meet an amazing friend there).
And if you need to hear it today:
You survived all of that.
You don’t have to know how this current situation resolves.
You’re going to get through this one, too.
