What’s a Tumblr

Equally,

Happiness comes from within. Love comes from within. And if I could just believe it rather than understanding it then I would be very content. I hate that he’s not unpredictable. I hate that all my friends get the partners of my dreams. Maybe it’s because they give head and I don’t. Yikes. Is it that materialistic.

I don’t like waiting and I want what’s in front of me now

I want him to be better because this isn’t what he was before

I won’t say I don’t blab mostly cause I think if I keep talking someone will ignite a conversation

Why is it that I can’t just love myself either ?

Do you think my boyfriend will break up with me or I’ll have to do it for the best of us. Because I look at him and I can’t help but see him happy without me. Growing and being healthy with someone else who isn’t me. Who isn’t damaged and gets consumed by her thoughts. I hate that I’m his burden and he’s not mine no matter how much he’ll hurt me.

I guess it’s the term blinded love - maybe there’s another word I haven’t learned. I wish maybe I could say hi and then never said a word again. Because I was single, had no intentions of ever having a boyfriend and I was okay, I never sat by myself talking to myself and crying and panicking all because I had the thought of someone existence.

He thinks our situation is similar to my mothers and I but it’s not. He won’t understand the pain he’s caused. sad thing is I feel like he wouldn’t do this to anyone else. I allowed this. Ever since I stopped talking to people that he wanted. I made sacrifices for him thinking he would do the same instead he went off and did everything he accused me of.

I have a boyfriend

I have a 3 friends I’ve known since elementary

But my boyfriend doesn’t actually love me

And my friends are just people you check up on

I don’t have anyone to be my person

I can pretend that my boyfriend is my person but he is not. He’s the person I talk to the most but we don’t have conversations, he’s the person I’m with the most but we don’t do anything together.

I hate that I can’t call him up just because I want to. I hate that I miss someone more than they miss me. I hate how weak this relationship has made me.

But I’m his girlfriend, I should be flaunted and loved and enjoyed and admired. But I am not. Which is true for me everywhere else as well.

Ain’t much but it’s me !