It Can't Rain All The Time

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

I only follow back freaks and creatures of the night. I’m sure you understand

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

people who pay for their porn and tip sex workers dont go to heaven they go somewhere better. slut heaven.

when i saw chris fleming earlier this year, chris pointed at the one audience member who laughed at a joke that nobody else laughed at and yelled "you laughed!" then apologized and said he would have had an immediate panic attack if a comedian on stage ever did that to him just for laughing. chris also said every straight guy in milwaukee looks like a cop who was recently fired. this is all to say he's definitely one of the only comedians that's getting into heaven!

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

#TO WAR