Ghost Girl

Sudden opinion changes on victim’s interests and beliefs

Encouraging behavior only to disapprove of it later

Tempting victim back into the situation with promises that it will be different (may be done without openly admitting it was bad in the first place)

Offering things to appear kind, and then not following through on them 

Offering things as though they are out of a great kindness when it is simply something they should do (such as something previously agreed to, or food for their child)

Excessive control over areas of victim’s life where they should not have control, even if it doesn’t seem inherently mean (example: throwing out their food, but making something else to replace it, or cleaning their room when they have said don’t want the help)

Acting uncharacteristically kind long enough for the victim to get comfortable before being cruel again 

Encouraging symptoms of mental illness, like disordered eating and anxiety 

Dismissing mental illness, disability or exhaustion as an excuse to be lazy

Putting down anyone, such as a therapist or friend, who might bring attention to the abuse or take the victim’s side

Insulting other people for traits the victim shares in front of the victim, but not necessarily acknowledging that the victim has those traits as well

Talking about accommodations or disability devices as though everyone needs them equally and some people just don’t use them, or talking about them as though no one truly needs them

Referring to the victim’s neurodivergent traits as just a part of their generation (such as ‘oh, you anxious millennials’ to undermine an anxiety disorder)

Dismissing things as obviously untrue that are true ‘It’s not like you couldn’t have just come home if it was so bad there’

Saying that the victim’s friends and other trusted individuals are wrong or don’t know what they are talking about or don’t know the victim well enough to judge

Treating symptoms of mental illness or disability as though they are just negative personal traits the victim has

Complaining about things that aren’t actually happening or exaggerate them, like a messy room that actually clean

Deliberate sighing with no definite cause

Forgiving, accepting or even praising others for the same things they would berate the victim for

Screaming as though angry just to communicate mundane information or using the same tone used when bullying

Leaves the victim feeling like there is no reason to discuss conflict or try to work it out when they tend to with other people

Refusing to accomodate

Claiming the victim misunderstands or sees the situation wrong because of their symptoms when the victim stands up for themself

‘Forgetting’ triggers, pronouns, and accommodations

Trying to withhold assistive tools, accommodations, medical care, comfort items, or ability to stim in any situation, no matter what the victim did

Insulting the victim for unrelated causes with the excuse that they did something wrong, such as claiming misgendering is okay because the victim was rude

Acting like the victim is a burden or more work than they expected or isn’t putting in their fair share when they can’t do something due to disability

Saying the victim doesn’t deserve things they have because they don’t earn them or can’t keep them clean and organized due to disability

Disregarding requests not to talk about certain things around the victim

Comparing victim to people they openly dislike, even if not in a clearly negative way

Blaming the victim for being bullied, being unable to make friends, being unable to get a job, or anything else that is the result of society’s ableism

Put the victim in the middle of any feud, make them choose a side, or have arguments about them in front of them

Saying mean things in a casual or friendly tone

Pointing out how much the victim’s mental illness/disability costs them

Agreeing with negative comments the victim makes about themself due to mental illness, or with their negative perceptions of the world and its safety that are anxieties due to mental illness rather than fact

Treating things as though they will happen or will not happen when the victim did not agree to it ‘I can’t wait to have you back for Christmas’

Saying the victim needs to come into ‘the real world’ or realize that ‘the real world doesn’t work like that’

Asking for clarification on terminology regarding gender or other identifications only to not respect them

Insulting appearance or calling appearance choices a result of disability/mental illness, calling appearance choices destructive or for attention

Offering to keep doing something for the victim rather than help them learn or help them get accommodations to do so themself

Choosing to have things around that are harder for the victim to operate/do instead of the versions that are easier

Helping out but making a big deal out of it and how much effort it is

Acting like being visibly disabled is embarrassing

Acting like stimming is bad or embarrassing or only appropriate during certain times

Unnecessarily exaggerated word choice, like calling disorganization ‘disgusting’

Art by Artem Demura

exposing my tummy to u cat style

u touch and i attacc

And may your pets always stay healthy ♡