this is such a petty ask, but i feel like its worth a shot. one of my ex-friends, who i still have to see occasionally due to mutual friends & working in the same circles, is ethnically jewish on his dad's side. his mom isnt jewish, he is not religiously jewish, he doesn't celebrate any jewish holidays, he doesnt practice any kind of prayer or tradition or anything. he says hes atheist. he doesnt even ATTEMPT to interact with any part of the jewish community, and never has. however, (1/)
(2/) he took an ancestry test a few years ago, and now he openly labels himself as "jewish" as an excuse to talk over the few jewish converts in our friend/work circles (including myself) opinions on literally anything and everything, /even if we agree/, because he thinks his opinion is more valuable despite not even knowing he was jewish until VERY recently and STILL not engaging with his jewish ancestry in any way other than just using it as a label.
(3/) i feel frustrated, but i dont want to speak over him either. is he right? what might be the best way to address this?
Mod here. This sounds like a really difficult and unpleasant situation. I’m sorry that you have to go through this, anon. While I won’t stop discussion of whether anon’s acquaintance is Jewish and have tagged accordingly, respondents are encouraged to provide social advice. Even if we could all come to a conclusion as to the acquaintance's relationship to Jewishness (which we might), that still would leave anon without advice on handling the conflict.
Much thanks! (Todah rabah!) !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה
Oh my... this is such a convert feel. I want you to understand how frighteningly common of an experience this is for us converts, please understand you are not alone. Due to the creation of DNA tests many believe they can now determine their ethnicity through said DNA tests (you cannot, as ethnicity is a social construction) and it has been an absolute nightmare for both Jewish and Native American(or other Indigenous communities) communities. And unfortunately certain people, particularly in the Jewish community (a minority) either believe or uphold the idea that DNA test can in fact determine such a thing despite the actual truth.
So to be clear: HE IS WRONG AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE
So first, depending on the time, place, or subject matter you need to stand up for yourself and say it, yes say the words:
“You are not considered Jewish by an authority on the Jewish people. Do not speak over my lived experiences. A DNA test does not make you Jewish.”
Feel free to list off the requirements of which movement considers a Jew and make sure to emphasize he DOES NOT fall under any requirements of being a Jew by any religious or cultural understanding of the question, “What is a Jew?”
If possible, make sure to acknowledge that you can be Jewish without being religious or being active in the culture but that requires you to be raised and be born Jewish to Jewish parents who identify as such, not to find out your Jewish through an unreliable DNA test (yes they are unreliable.) of course there are unique circumstances such as adoption but he clearly does not fall under that so, regardless.
It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation you might need to bring even resources to make him understand, and to you that might not be worth it, which is fair. You don’t have to comfort him. But if it gets to a point (and it seems that your getting there or are already there) make it clear to him that he’s not Jewish, and trust me once you start disregarding his opinion like he does yours hopefully at the very least he will think twice before trying to argue with you about your own culture and religion.
He’s in the wrong, and I’m so sorry IF the Jewish community made you even doubt that he wasn’t. He’s not Jewish, he has Jewish ancestry (which does NOT make him ethnically Jewish). And those are FAR FAR different though we can acknowledge and accept he has Jewish ancestry. Being Jewish requires the lived experience no matter how small or insignificant, but he’s not lived a Jewish life nor lived in a Jewish household. Jewish ancestry just requires you to have a Jewish ancestor. He is crossing boundaries VERY inappropriately and must be called out, just like anyone else who determines they are Jewish SOLELY through a DNA test and nothing else.
And this needs to be especially stressed since he’s particularly targeting us converts to Judaism/the Jewish people who are already devalued by our community.
I linked some resources by a geneticist and a sociologist that explain how DNA tests are unreliable and the social construction of ethnicity that should help you slightly in understanding his failure in comprehension.
And again I stress, this is a huge thing us converts have to experience especially in online spaces, you are not alone, and have every right to stand up for yourself as a convert. You are not required or obligated to be “submissive” to those with Jewish ancestry










