A Simple Jew

(2/) he took an ancestry test a few years ago, and now he openly labels himself as "jewish" as an excuse to talk over the few jewish converts in our friend/work circles (including myself) opinions on literally anything and everything, /even if we agree/, because he thinks his opinion is more valuable despite not even knowing he was jewish until VERY recently and STILL not engaging with his jewish ancestry in any way other than just using it as a label. 

(3/)  i feel frustrated, but i dont want to speak over him either. is he right? what might be the best way to address this?

Mod here. This sounds like a really difficult and unpleasant situation. I’m sorry that you have to go through this, anon. While I won’t stop discussion of whether anon’s acquaintance is Jewish and have tagged accordingly, respondents are encouraged to provide social advice. Even if we could all come to a conclusion as to the acquaintance's relationship to Jewishness (which we might), that still would leave anon without advice on handling the conflict.

So to be clear: HE IS WRONG AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE

So first, depending on the time, place, or subject matter you need to stand up for yourself and say it, yes say the words:

“You are not considered Jewish by an authority on the Jewish people. Do not speak over my lived experiences. A DNA test does not make you Jewish.”

Feel free to list off the requirements of which movement considers a Jew and make sure to emphasize he DOES NOT fall under any requirements of being a Jew by any religious or cultural understanding of the question, “What is a Jew?”

If possible, make sure to acknowledge that you can be Jewish without being religious or being active in the culture but that requires you to be raised and be born Jewish to Jewish parents who identify as such, not to find out your Jewish through an unreliable DNA test (yes they are unreliable.) of course there are unique circumstances such as adoption but he clearly does not fall under that so, regardless.

It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation you might need to bring even resources to make him understand, and to you that might not be worth it, which is fair. You don’t have to comfort him. But if it gets to a point (and it seems that your getting there or are already there) make it clear to him that he’s not Jewish, and trust me once you start disregarding his opinion like he does yours hopefully at the very least he will think twice before trying to argue with you about your own culture and religion.

He’s in the wrong, and I’m so sorry IF the Jewish community made you even doubt that he wasn’t. He’s not Jewish, he has Jewish ancestry (which does NOT make him ethnically Jewish). And those are FAR FAR different though we can acknowledge and accept he has Jewish ancestry. Being Jewish requires the lived experience no matter how small or insignificant, but he’s not lived a Jewish life nor lived in a Jewish household. Jewish ancestry just requires you to have a Jewish ancestor. He is crossing boundaries VERY inappropriately and must be called out, just like anyone else who determines they are Jewish SOLELY through a DNA test and nothing else.

And this needs to be especially stressed since he’s particularly targeting us converts to Judaism/the Jewish people who are already devalued by our community.

I linked some resources by a geneticist and a sociologist that explain how DNA tests are unreliable and the social construction of ethnicity that should help you slightly in understanding his failure in comprehension.

Our mission is to address the unique needs of frum* and formerly frum LGBT Jews. JQY is dedicated to cultivating a Jewish community where no one feels alone, bullied or silenced because of their orientation or gender identity. Special attention is given to youth, young adults and their families; however we have programs for all ages.

*Frum includes: Orthodox, Yeshivish, Chasidish, Sephardic, modern, and traditional Jewish identities.

Khurvat Midras (Midras’s ruins, חרבת מדרס)

Judean Foothills, Israel

1st century CE

The magnificent burial cave, consisting of a square courtyard with a rolling stone at the entrance to two rooms with burial mounds. The cave contained ossuaries - stone boxes used by a Jewish population, which used to collect bones at the end of the Second Temple period. From the pots discovered there, it was found that the cave was used from the beginning of the first century CE until the Bar Kochba revolt (132 - 135). Prior to preparing the place for a hiding system in Bar Kochba’s day, these spaces were part of water cisterns and the basements of the village’s private houses. Bar Kochba’s men trained the basements for a hiding system

In the first burial chamber, long burial niches for the bodies of the deceased were laid were hewn, each niche sealed in a stone slab. From this room an inner burial chamber was carved, with three arched niches. On the Niches, according to this burial method, ossuaries were placed. 12 months After death, the deceased bones were tansferred to a small coffin called ab Ossuary, with its length as long as the femur, the longest bone in the human body.

“Blessed He who had made me Gay” “Blessed He who had made me a Bisexual man” “Blessed He who had made me a Trans man”

Font used: Stam Sefarad

Mod (singular) here. Yes, I didn’t post your original ask because it wasn’t consistent with this blog’s standards, although I did make a post recognizing that it was (1) sent in, and (2) didn’t meet content standards. It might be time to clarify or expand the current guidelines; anyone who thinks that’s the case is welcome to reach out. Back to your ask...I know that having a not-posted ask can sting, and I’m sorry you’ve gotten this far through life without your community providing you with the knowledge for you to understand why your proposal is inappropriate and dangerous.

I’m going to remind everyone blog is welcoming of converts. From this blog’s stance, except when there are halachic nuances followed by certain communities, converts should not be treated any differently than born Jews.

Converts don’t need to be treated any differently than born Jews (excluding those halachic nuances relevant for certain communities), because those differences you’re thinking of, anon, they’re not true for all converts. There are very few experiences that couldn’t be shared by a born Jew and a convert. Your generalizations about converts are causing fallacies in your logic. I’m including some stories below the cut that I hope will give you a more complex understanding of the breadth of experiences among people who have converted to Judaism. The stories I’m sharing are all made up, but most of the nuances, the catches that it’s easy to forget are lived experiences. Many are borrowed from friends, friends of friends, or famous Jewish figures.

You mentioned experiencing antisemitism growing up; I suspect that you’re hurting, but you will find converts who hurt for the same reasons; please don’t shut them out.

However, even besides the issue of treating converts differently (1) generally breaking custom/halacha, and (2) being pretty pointless because many will share experiences of born Jews, creating spaces that exclude converts is also dangerous. Converts, like some other groups in Jewish spaces (e.g. JoC, Jews with disabilities) already experience hostility, exclusion, and isolation in Jewish spaces. Building spaces that intentionally exclude them for some reason perpetuates the problems we need to fix in our communities.

Folks are welcome to add to or correct this response. However, I hope that my own response and the standards I’m setting about respecting converts as fellow members of the broad Jewish community will eliminate the need for me to moderate any anti-convert sentiments on this post. Another ask that I’m linkng here might be a better place to discuss the situations where converts are differentiated and/or any Jewish communities that do not recognize converts. If it’s getting another round of activity, I’m happy to reblog it again.

Jessie’s parents converted in a Modern Orthodox community when she was 3. She and her siblings, age 5 and 8, were converted along with their parents. A year later, her baby sister was born Jewish.

Brad’s father raised him celebrating Jewish holidays at home. Brad’s mom stopped being Christian long before they met, although they sometimes visited her parents and exchanged Christmas gifts under their tree. At school, Brad was bullied for being Jewish. When his mom was offered a job in a local city, Brad’s family decided it was long overdue to move to a community where they felt more welcome. In the city, Brad was able to attend a Pluralistic Jewish High School. In college, Brad’s experience with Chabad led him towards an Orthodox Jewish community, and he converted so that he would be halachically recognized as Jewish.

Melanie was adopted by a Jewish couple as an infant and was converted shortly after. For as long as she can remember, her personality has consistently clashed with her birth mother and they had a tenuous relationship. They cut ties when Melanie turned 20. Melanie doesn’t remember a time before she was Jewish. When it came time for her Bat Mitzvah at her adoptive family’s Open-Orthodox synagogue, her decision was easy to reaffirm her Judaism as a Jewish adult. When she started looking for someone to marry, her friends were surprised when they tried to set her up with a Kohen, and despite their sparks she didn’t want to go out on a second date. Until then, they hadn’t known that Melanie had converted, growing up they’d assumed her birth mother was Jewish.

Sam’s mom is Episcopalian and their dad is Jewish. They were raised with both sets of holidays, attending both a church and a Reform synagogue. However, in high school, Sam started going to youth group at a Conservative synagogue with some of their friends. They really loved the Conservative Jewish community they found at the youth group and its associated synaogue. With their parents’ support, Sam decided to convert so they would be able to count in a minyan and have aliyot at the Conservative synagogue.

Maya’s family is Jewish. While knowledge of their Jewish status was passed down, clear documentation of ketubot/gravestones/etc. was lost when they were fleeing persecution. When she wanted to get married, her fiancé’s parents wanted to ensure their grandchildren would be recognized as Jewish. Even though her fiancé was against it, they encouraged her to complete a conversion to dot i’s and cross t’s. Maya decided it was easier to complete a conversion than deal with her in-laws’ pressure. She also didn’t want her children to have to deal with the consequences of a murky Jewish status. A rabbi connected to the family quietly arranged for a conversion so the Jewishness of Maya and any children she should have would be documented and undeniable.

Josh’s dad is Jewish, but his mom isn’t. His dad didn’t raise him as Jewish and he didn’t even know he was Jewish until his mother told him when he was 15. His mother explained that his dad was a child survivor of the Holocaust, and he didn’t want his new family in the U.S. to be burdened by his Jewish identity. However, Josh didn’t feel burdened. Now, he finally understood whyn his father had suffered from nightmares and depression. During high school, Josh taught himself about Judaism behind his father’s back; he didn’t want to upset his father further. After graduating high school, Josh moved out from his parents’ house to attend nursing school. Josh joined a local Reform synagogue, where the rabbi encouraged him to complete a ‘reclamation’ conversion and helped him fill in the gaps in his Jewish education.

When she was in kindergarten, Sarah’s mom remarried, forming a blended family with a Jewish man and his two kids. Sarah’s father isn’t in her life, so she only lived with her mother and new step-father for most of her childhood. A few years after their marriage, Sarah’s mother converted through their local Reconstructionist Synagogue. However, Sarah’s mom wanted to make sure Sarah had the freedom to make her own decision. While Sarah wasn’t converted, she did celebrate Jewish holidays with her family. Shabbat was Sarah’s favorite day of the week; sometimes her family would go to synagogue, but even if they didn’t, they would make time to spend together as a family. When Sarah turned 13, she wanted to have a Bar Mitzvah like her older step-brothers. Her parents and the local rabbi encouraged her to think through her decision, and her parents offered to throw her a big 13th birthday party without her reading Torah. However, Sarah really wanted to be fully recognized as a Jewish adult in her community. A few months after she turned 13, she completed her conversion and read Torah at their synagogue for the first time.

First off there are people who convert AS children. I know children who were converted by there parents AT BIRTH, at 6 years old, at 12 years old, at 16 years old. And there are people who are adopted into Jewish families as well as children. So this idea that ALL converts don’t experience what you experience is just really wanting you to be special or have special considerations.

Hate to be frank with you, anon: please grow up, born Jewish people aren’t getting a ‘special’ space in the Jewish community. The entire Jewish community is catered to (white) born Jewish people, so it’s ridiculous to even ask this.

And if you have to make statements “I’m not saying we shouldn’t accept converts BUT-“ then there is a clear bias YOU must work out for yourself.

A story of two women named Lilly Wust and Felice Schragenheim who never got to say goodbye.

For the last few days of pride month I will delve into the story of Lilly Wust & Felice Schragenheim, two WLW whose love was cut incredibly short due to tragedy - the Holocaust.

Felice Schragenheim was born to a Jewish family in March 9, 1922 in Berlin, Germany. There is not much known about her pre- WW II. What is known about Mrs. Schragenheim, is that in her very early 20s she came to work for a journaling/publishing company that was incredibly sympathetic to the Nazi regime. This encouraged her to become a Jewish Resistance Fighter. Felice went through many aliases in order to protect her identity, obviously her simply being Jewish was enough to get her deported to a concentration camp, however also working at a Nazi-sympathetic publishing company, having access to much infotmation that many ordinary citizens did not while being a Jewish resistance fighter was a sure death sentence if ever caught.

Facing increased scrutiny, under the alias Felice Schröder she was introduced, by an acquaintance who was caring for Wust’s children at the time, to the wife of a Nazi soldier named, Charlotte Elisabeth Wust, known as Lilly Wust for short. Over time Felice grew close to Lilly Wust, even going so far as to reveal who true identity to the woman, a Jewish resistance fighter.

“She told me she was a Jew and immediately I took her in my arms, and I loved her even more,” Lilly stated about the incident.

And after of this revelation Lilly Wust realized that Felice was dire need of protection due to being a resistance fighter also being Jewish, which Wust gave. Her and Felice Schragenheim quickly started to fall in love with one another. The courtship was “traditional” (which I assume to mean heteronormative). The two only telling very close friends of their relationship. To quote The Guardian’s interview with Lilly Wust in 2001,

“…would come to tea at Lilly’s almost daily, bringing flowers and poems. In between, the two would write to each other.“

In one incident in 1943 when Lilly was in the hospital with dental sepsis, and Felice brought her red roses everyday during her stay. During which Lilly let Felice know her true feelings giving her a wish-list that stated:

“Cream, your handkerchief, writing paper, your love for me alone, needle and thread.”

Felice replied with a poem which ended with the lines: “There’s just something I’m desperate to know/ How it is to lie on your breast and dream of your lips?”

“It was the tenderest love you could imagine,“ said Lilly, now 89, who lives a secluded life in a small apartment in Berlin. “I was fairly experienced with men, but with Felice I reached a far deeper under-standing of sex than ever before.”

“She [Felice] was my other half, literally my reflection, my mirror image, and for the first time I found love aesthetically beautiful, and so tender,“ Lilly said while looking at a photo of Felice.

After Wust had legally separated from her husband Felice & Lilly went and lived on together from 1942-1944

In March 25th, 1943 the two became engaged signing and writing written declarations of their love for each other and three months later they sealed their love with a marriage contract. I am unsure if it was a valid one or one they made themselves.

It was July 1944 when their peace and union was ruined Mrs. Schragenheim was reported to Nazi officials, I am unsure of who did it. Gestapo captured Mrs. Schragenheim and deported her to a concentration camp. Despite knowing the possibility of getting in more trouble , Wust refused to let Felice go with out a fight. Lilly visited where Felice was being held before being deported to the concentration camp multiple times. Through the various concentration camps Felice was placed in she was able to smuggle letters out of the camp to her love Lilly, always signing them “Your Caged Jaguar” And always promising to come home soon. Lilly smuggled gifts to Felice and attempted many rescue attempts in order to get Felice out of the concentration camps, particularly in September where she was able to get an audience with the Theresienstadt camps overseer, she was promptly thrown out for requesting they release Felice from their camp. (Some of Felice’s friends believed that this visit had with some sad ironics, had or could speed up Felice’s march to death, this was found to be untrue)

The last letter Felice ever sent was in December 1944 the winter temperature had reached -15C, so she thanked Lilly for the gifts of gloves, socks and woollen lung-protector. “It’s amazing what one is capable of without a jumpsuit and long-johns. I love you very much. You, your parents, and the boys - all my love, Jaguar.” (The Guardian)

Felice Schragenheim was never able to fulfill her promise of coming home. She would die on either one of two death marches from Auschwitz to Gross-Rosen or Gross-Rosen to Bergen-Belsen. She was 22.

All the while Wust, used Felice’s memory to save Jewish women from the same fate she feared Felice would experience before the war ended.

Lilly Wust, not aware the exact way Wust had died was devastated and depressed.Years after Felice’s death Wust attempted to commit suicide many times, even on one particular occasion her friend having to save her life.

“"I was alone for years,“ she said. “For about three decades I lived totally within myself. Only on Sundays did I allow myself the privilege of thinking about Felice and I have never stopped loving her."”

She only came into the light when in 1981, she was given a medal for her heroic actions of saving Jewish women Neo-Nazis smeared her door with feces and harrassed her, she realized then how important it was for her to tell Felice’s story. It is believed the reason Wust did not meet the same fate as Felice after her continuing to pursue to free her wife, and housing up with a Jewish resistance fighter was due to the fact her husband was a MIA Nazi solider, and those in charge felt sympathy for her and let her remain free however she was forced to check in with police every two days after Felice’s deportation, this however did not stop her from shielding Jewish women from the Nazis or trying to get Felice back.

In 2006 Lilly Wust died she was laid to rest with a simply yet unique tombstone, that will continue to remind the world just how much Wust loved Felice, a tombstone that reads Lilly’s name and her DOB to DOD, and right below is Felice’s name and her DOB to DOD to act like tombstone/memorial for Felice, who obviously never got a burial or tombstone, merely a memorial plaque, due to dying in the death marches. She was 92.

Often she felt her lover to be close by. "Twice since she left, I’ve felt her breath, and a warm presence next to me. I dream that we will meet again - I live in hope.”

A movie named Aimée & Jaguar was made based off their story. Which I’m pretty sure you could find on Netflix if not Amazon.

I will always love you.

I will never leave you.

I will do everything to make you happy.

I will, as far as the circumstances allow it, take care of you and your children.

I will not protest against you taking care of me.

I will not look at pretty girls anymore, at most to determine that you’re prettier.

I will very rarely come home late at night.

I will try to grind my teeth quietly at night.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

A story of two women named Lilly Wust and Felice Schragenheim who never got to say goodbye.

For the last few days of pride month I will delve into the story of Lilly Wust & Felice Schragenheim, two WLW whose love was cut incredibly short due to tragedy - the Holocaust.

Felice Schragenheim was born to a Jewish family in March 9, 1922 in Berlin, Germany. There is not much known about her pre- WW II. What is known about Mrs. Schragenheim, is that in her very early 20s she came to work for a journaling/publishing company that was incredibly sympathetic to the Nazi regime. This encouraged her to become a Jewish Resistance Fighter. Felice went through many aliases in order to protect her identity, obviously her simply being Jewish was enough to get her deported to a concentration camp, however also working at a Nazi-sympathetic publishing company, having access to much infotmation that many ordinary citizens did not while being a Jewish resistance fighter was a sure death sentence if ever caught.

Facing increased scrutiny, under the alias Felice Schröder she was introduced, by an acquaintance who was caring for Wust’s children at the time, to the wife of a Nazi soldier named, Charlotte Elisabeth Wust, known as Lilly Wust for short. Over time Felice grew close to Lilly Wust, even going so far as to reveal who true identity to the woman, a Jewish resistance fighter.

“She told me she was a Jew and immediately I took her in my arms, and I loved her even more,” Lilly stated about the incident.

And after of this revelation Lilly Wust realized that Felice was dire need of protection due to being a resistance fighter also being Jewish, which Wust gave. Her and Felice Schragenheim quickly started to fall in love with one another. The courtship was “traditional” (which I assume to mean heteronormative). The two only telling very close friends of their relationship. To quote The Guardian’s interview with Lilly Wust in 2001,

“…would come to tea at Lilly’s almost daily, bringing flowers and poems. In between, the two would write to each other.“

In one incident in 1943 when Lilly was in the hospital with dental sepsis, and Felice brought her red roses everyday during her stay. During which Lilly let Felice know her true feelings giving her a wish-list that stated:

“Cream, your handkerchief, writing paper, your love for me alone, needle and thread.”

Felice replied with a poem which ended with the lines: “There’s just something I’m desperate to know/ How it is to lie on your breast and dream of your lips?”

“It was the tenderest love you could imagine,“ said Lilly, now 89, who lives a secluded life in a small apartment in Berlin. "I was fairly experienced with men, but with Felice I reached a far deeper under-standing of sex than ever before.”

“She [Felice] was my other half, literally my reflection, my mirror image, and for the first time I found love aesthetically beautiful, and so tender,“ Lilly said while looking at a photo of Felice.

After Wust had legally separated from her husband Felice & Lilly went and lived on together from 1942-1944

In March 25th, 1943 the two became engaged signing and writing written declarations of their love for each other and three months later they sealed their love with a marriage contract. I am unsure if it was a valid one or one they made themselves.

It was July 1944 when their peace and union was ruined Mrs. Schragenheim was reported to Nazi officials, I am unsure of who did it. Gestapo captured Mrs. Schragenheim and deported her to a concentration camp. Despite knowing the possibility of getting in more trouble , Wust refused to let Felice go with out a fight. Lilly visited where Felice was being held before being deported to the concentration camp multiple times. Through the various concentration camps Felice was placed in she was able to smuggle letters out of the camp to her love Lilly, always signing them “Your Caged Jaguar” And always promising to come home soon. Lilly smuggled gifts to Felice and attempted many rescue attempts in order to get Felice out of the concentration camps, particularly in September where she was able to get an audience with the Theresienstadt camps overseer, she was promptly thrown out for requesting they release Felice from their camp. (Some of Felice’s friends believed that this visit had with some sad ironics, had or could speed up Felice’s march to death, this was found to be untrue)

The last letter Felice ever sent was in December 1944 the winter temperature had reached -15C, so she thanked Lilly for the gifts of gloves, socks and woollen lung-protector. "It’s amazing what one is capable of without a jumpsuit and long-johns. I love you very much. You, your parents, and the boys - all my love, Jaguar.” (The Guardian)

Felice Schragenheim was never able to fulfill her promise of coming home. She would die on either one of two death marches from Auschwitz to Gross-Rosen or Gross-Rosen to Bergen-Belsen. She was 22.

All the while Wust, used Felice’s memory to save Jewish women from the same fate she feared Felice would experience before the war ended.

Lilly Wust, not aware the exact way Wust had died was devastated and depressed.Years after Felice’s death Wust attempted to commit suicide many times, even on one particular occasion her friend having to save her life.

“"I was alone for years,“ she said. "For about three decades I lived totally within myself. Only on Sundays did I allow myself the privilege of thinking about Felice and I have never stopped loving her."”

She only came into the light when in 1981, she was given a medal for her heroic actions of saving Jewish women Neo-Nazis smeared her door with feces and harrassed her, she realized then how important it was for her to tell Felice’s story. It is believed the reason Wust did not meet the same fate as Felice after her continuing to pursue to free her wife, and housing up with a Jewish resistance fighter was due to the fact her husband was a MIA Nazi solider, and those in charge felt sympathy for her and let her remain free however she was forced to check in with police every two days after Felice’s deportation, this however did not stop her from shielding Jewish women from the Nazis or trying to get Felice back.

In 2006 Lilly Wust died she was laid to rest with a simply yet unique tombstone, that will continue to remind the world just how much Wust loved Felice, a tombstone that reads Lilly’s name and her DOB to DOD, and right below is Felice’s name and her DOB to DOD to act like tombstone/memorial for Felice, who obviously never got a burial or tombstone, merely a memorial plaque, due to dying in the death marches. She was 92.

Often she felt her lover to be close by. "Twice since she left, I’ve felt her breath, and a warm presence next to me. I dream that we will meet again - I live in hope.”

A movie named Aimée & Jaguar was made based off their story. Which I’m pretty sure you could find on Netflix if not Amazon.

There are obvious Moses parts to his story, being sent away from his family as a baby in a basket escape pod to survive, and raised by people who weren’t his own, and then began to fully accept and be proud of his true heritage later in life and become a hero to all.

The parts of his story that aren’t Moses are just other Jewish experiences. Sacred homeland being destroyed, wandering around but never truly belonging anywhere, having to change his name from Kal-El (a Hebrew name) to Clark so he can blend in and be safe, being less visibly alien than some of his friends (like Martian Manhunter) but still constantly reminded just how different he is from others, and how society’s opinion on him and his people seems to change day to day, one day he’s a hero to all, the next he’s a dangerous alien who’s a threat to the real people. He is very clearly a Jewish character.

There is absolutely nothing about him even close to Jesus. Superpowers? Jesus doesn’t have laser eyes. If anything, the closest Bible superhero is Samson, but nobody makes that comparison, because that’s stupid. Being nice? I can list several nice Torah figures, including Moses. Why is it that every time someone is just a decent person, Christians jump to call that guy a Jesus metaphor? Do you guys only have one good person in your entire book? The death and rebirth themes that are so crucial to Christianity? Superman has none. Sure, he’s died and come back, but so has almost every comic book character, it’s pretty much inevitable. Nobody’s labeling Jason Todd as Jesus.