Okay, so it took me like two hours to write that āabout meā, which turned out to be more revealing than I initially planned. But thatās okay. Now about writing!Ā
I have been working on āFirebrandā since last Winter, but I took a long hiatus when my moving situation happened. Iāve consistently been working on it since September. Iām six chapters in, almost seven. Very exciting. Itās still a draft but itās coming along well.
For context, Firebrand is my pre-quel era novel about the villains of the main story. Because I love villains so fucking much, I ended up wanting to give them their own space. I initially intended for the ROI novel to have that plotline first, but decided it was too derailed and long. As in, worth its own space, its own book. Plus Iām not certain if people will care for the villains like I do. Itās a special project for me within the main ROI project. But, anyway.
Iāve been struggling with connecting certain plot points. Iāve been fussing over if Damien and Saphoraās relationship is moving too fast. I keep thinking itās moving too fast, but it seems on point with the tone of the novel. Itās a romance, but itās also a drama. It also has a murder plot in it. (all my favorite things).
My intention is to lure the reader into a sense of security with the sweet, romantic part and then leave them feeling conflicted and perhaps disturbed with theĀ āprotagonistsā at the end. Itās very much a story about ego and flawed people.Ā
Iām writing the peak tension point between my two protags (antags). Theyāre at the height of their romantic tension and will be getting together soon. Very fun to write, but I want it to be perfect. Writing Firebrand is a little more challenging than the ROI chapters because itās more poetic and measured than ROI. I often write to reflect the personalities of my characters. So Iāve been trying my best with that. I planned on writing more tonight but I went down a rabbit hole of creating this tumblr. Which, oh my god. I had the URL for this since like 2016, but I couldnāt remember my email! I really had to dig! lol.
The art is also coming along, but I find myself being critical. Iām creating illustrations to put throughout the book. About two/three images per chapter. The illustrations are lovely, but theyāre missing something. Iām wondering if I shouldnāt do sharper contrast work. Itās very detailed. I know artists are their biggest critics, but I canāt help but feel my art is missing this special something to make it impactful. I think it needs to be more graphic and less focused on details outside of the characters. Iāve been trying to capture important moments to illustrate that are poignant to the writing. I just finished the image for the scene where Damien introduces himself to Saph in the first chapter. It looks pretty. Iāve been using sims 4 as my 3D reference space. I also created my novel characters on the sims, of course I did.
Thatās all for now. Itās late, 12:47 Am and I have work tomorrow.Ā
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Side note: when my favorite character(s) does reflect me I internally scream LMAO. I get so uncomfortable with the idea of someone perceiving me through my art. Iāve been trying to come up with a new personal @ and my immediate reaction is to name myself after one of my villains in the story, but I donāt want to sound pretentious. I guess itās just like if I named myself after my fav anime/cartoon character. I also remind myself āfuck itā because Iām almost thirty. If people find out that Saphora is my favorite character in my own novel, so be it. Because itās really friggin obivous and true. Lol.Ā
First Post on the new ROI blog. I decided to come back to tumblr to talk about my progress with this novel series. I need a place to do this, I swear. Sometimes I echo at myself too much. I suppose that a tumblr blog is also like an echo chamber, but it feels more cathartic.
Presently Iām writing two novels, technically. Firebrand and RoI. But they are all part of the same, larger saga. I admit, Iām a little hesitant to post on the internet but Iām sure itāll be fine. Iāll probably post the sensitive content on my patreon. Not because I want to peddle a patreon, but because I like the idea of protecting my content. Anyway, this has been a very special, isolated project. Iām really interested in potentially finding some other original content creators to chat with. Hopefully, someone will like my story. I think one of my biggest dreams is publishing something entertaining that people can enjoy.
So about me.Ā
My name is Kone.
I have been writing this kind original content since 2013. Truthfully, Iāve been creating as long as I can remember. I was an artistic kid, who came from a house of artists. I was inspired by all things magical and wonderous. My favorite movies were Hocus Pocus and Labyrinth.
My mother was an animator and film maker, and while she was working on her projects, I had access to tools like wacom tablets and computers. Sheād let me borrow stuff and figure it out. I taught myself how to draw digitally, and I had a briefĀ ācareerā of animating fanon stuff on youtube for awhile. I was young. Iām talking 2006-2008 era. My greatest love had always been art. I struggled in school, both academically and socially.Ā I was very beside myself, and other children often picked on me I assume this is because of my interests, and maybe because I didnāt have many friends. I also was bisexual, but I didnāt know how to articulate that.Ā Ā
(long post so Iām shortening it with a readmore, or a keep reading now I guess.)
I never thought of myself as an intelligent child because I didnāt catch on in school as quickly as other children. I also had a negative view of my capabilities because of some really horrible, discouraging teachers. Turns out, the industrialized school system was not favorable to my preferred learning styles. Go figure.Ā
By the time I was a teenager, (with help of the internet) I figured out how to study to suit my needs and found a deep fascination with history, English literature and art. I graduated with honors from high school (much to my surprise) and I found myself accepted into a university, of all places. This was a great accomplishment for me because many educators of mine insisted I would never be able to pursue post-secondary education. So fuck you, still. I have a lot ofĀ thoughtsĀ regarding putting that much pressure on a child, but thatās for another time.Ā
Ā I felt a lot of pressure between the ages of 16 to 18, especially as a young indigenous woman from a reserve. I felt like I had to prove myself and do better than the expectations people had for me. I was competitive. While I was proud of myself for getting that far, I had a very loose idea of what I wanted to do with my life. If, any real idea. I wanted to go study animation or character design, but I found myself going to university with a vague, undeclared major instead. I had this perception that I had to grow up, give up thatĀ ākid stuffā and become aĀ āreal adultā since I was apparently intelligent enough to get into university. So much unexpected pressure came with that honors in high school. I wanted to get out of the poverty trap. I wanted better things for myself. I wanted to have a good job, and make money. But I wasnāt sure how to do that. I was convinced that aĀ āreal jobā would be a better option than my disorganized artwork and fascinations.
I struggled.Ā
Because it turns out, you should never lie to yourself and pursue something youāre not interested in. Especially when you have this vague idea about what you should be doing in society. My initial major was geography, but I quickly lost interest in that and I found myself aimlessly taking different courses that sounded okay to me. The lack of direction, paired with mourning myĀ āwasted potentialā and not creating made me incredibly depressed. Not to mention the various other obstacles I had. I wasnāt adjusting very well to my university town. I couldnāt make any good friends. My family situation wasnāt doing so great, and the person I loved was in another country.
I fell into this deep, lonely depression. I remember feeling this complete lack of joy and struggling to get out of bed. I was wasting away in my dorm room, sometimes skipping classes. I had a tv and an xbox set up in my dorm. I also had my computer. So, naturally, I started to drift back into the things that comforted me. Like video games, anime and art. I didnāt have much drive, but slowly I started to engage with those things again while keeping my GPA afloat, for the sake of staying in school. Staying in university was incredibly important to me, even if it was out of spite more than anything.
I took a course about medieval town life and I loved it. I was inspired by the things I learned, and I liked to imagine a distant time, away from everything. Something about history took me out of my problems and I started exclusively taking history, art and classics courses. I learned how to be a historian, while romanticizing these periods. (Iām aware that romanticizing history is not good practice in my degree, but thatās why I do it in fiction, lol).Ā An idea started forming in my head, a story. I remember listening to Desert Rose by Sting (lol) and imagining this fantasy realm. I sketched all night. I wasnāt pleased with how rusty my skills were, but I persisted. Music has always helped me envision things.Ā
My husband (boyfriend at the time) proposed that we both create some original characters and develop a little thing. It was innocuous, but fun. We kept building on the idea of creating a unique, historical fantasy world where we could escape. I found myself creating characters that I wanted to see in media, that I didnāt often see. Storylines that were fresh, or new. Particularly stories about female characters. It was so fun to draw and write. The more we envisioned these characters, the more we created. It branched from simple sketches to entire fictional countries, cultures and religions.
I used the fictional space to explore concepts, and vent emotions. It was a good way for the both of us to process our feelings about the world, and society while escaping it. Realm of Itria was born and it became my fixation and my favorite thing to write between classes, and painful moments. I relied heavily on it to get by, through the hardships of my degree. And Iām not talking about just academics. I was in financial ruin, and my parents got divorced in the worst way possible. It was a nightmare.
Again, I struggled with ROI. I reached a point where I loved it so much that I wanted to publish it, but I was once more faced with the inability to refine my direction. I didnāt know what to do with it. I struggled frequently with perfectionism and unrealistic expectations. Always fighting my worth, and myself. I would restart, try harder and always reach these points where I would stop. ROI never came to light because I would get so far, get discouraged and then give up. Iād often convince myself no one would care about it, and that it wasnāt a priority.
After I graduated with my degree in 2016, I took a long hiatus and did other things with my life. I got married, moved far away and had many adventures. I joined the workforce and experienced actually being an adult. I learned that it wasnāt about getting a high salary or paying bills. It was about being true to myself. I realized that I had no expiration date for my interests. I think I needed that time away to understand what I wanted in life, and what was important to me. As much as I loved school at the end of it, the amount of work that was constantly thrown at me kept me from catching my breath. I do not regret those years abroad, doing whatever and learning how to enjoy life, and be myself.
Late 2020, realizing my mortality with the ever sobering reality of the pandemic, I revived the project with a great devotion. Once again, I returned to it during a difficult time. Iām older now and I know who I am. Despite every obstacle Iāve faced, Iāve always found time to create. It is a deep passion of mine, and I need to honor that. I know now that itās okay to enjoy these things and be an adult. Now, I want to incorporate every creative talent I have doing this. Donāt get me wrong, shadows of perfectionism and previous self doubt sometimes haunt me. But I always remind myself that at the end of the day, I want this published and completed. Even if itās just for myself, and my husband. I donāt want to die with this story. Iād like to leave it behind, as a legacy. I suppose. Itās important to me.Ā
Realm of Itria has been there for me during my lowest times, and it is a charming world that touches on a lot of things I have dealt with in life. Realm of Itria is about young adults making their own decisions, and standing up to forces greater than them. Itās about morality, loss and blood ties. About ethics, taking charge of your own fate and the capability everyone has to do good, or harm.Ā
It reflects my own coming of age and coming to terms with being an adult. Shadows of truths, and fantastical lies my imagination came up with. Not all of it is a direct reflection. Rather, aspects with things. Half truths, and I love the ambiguity of venting it without totally revealing what is and isnāt fiction. I donāt think I could ever completely I love it, and I love the characters. I want to share their stories. In a sense, they are alive to me. I cherish them deeply.Ā I think their stories can help others, and maybe be an escape for them too.
ROI is a big world, kind of like the Elder Scrolls or Harry Potter. Itās made to be OC friendly, and vast enough to find your own little corner of comfort in time, and space. I look forward to talking about my writing, and I hope that you enjoyed learning a bit about myself. Kind of a lot, but thatās okay. I have a lot to say.Ā