lil pants big shirt

i am like, begging for it baby 

as quarantine extends i find myself becoming weirdly comfortable at home. i think there are certain aspects of my persona—depressive episodes, fatalistic tendencies—that i’m rediscovering here, ones that i had maybe muted or projected onto others when i lived in brooklyn. it took, what is it, five weeks? to finally relax my muscles a bit. i’m still stressed but finding things to be manageable. 

~

i guess with grimes i feel this kind of bizarre stockholm syndrome. there’s absolutely some sort of hatred i have for the things she’s come to represent, or tacitly endorse, or explicitly endorse. but i think that kind of mutability, opportunism, whatever, she possesses that allows her to move about such disparate spaces makes her a more perversely fascinating artist to me. there’s a perfectionism element too, these hyperdubbed vocals, cheerleader syncopation, “yeah i like it like that.” i guess i’m in love with her

xx

having ocd fucking sucks. it sucks because long term treatment feels like suppression. in that way i guess it’s kind of like this. when the treatment is working, when we’re all isolating, it will seem like the treatment is no longer needed. 

SCRANTON, PA

selfie every day, day 1