Who the fuck is that thing tolling for
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH


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@realityillusionist
Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

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i’ve warmed up significantly towards the concept of small talk ever since i learned that its sole purpose is to make friendly noises.
as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”
small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.
i am motivated by wanting the other person to know i am friendly, so i have gotten pretty decent at small talk when i used to hate it.
cant help but notice that everyone helped Markiplier make 21 million at the box office EVEN THOUGH he tried to sell the sinister potion. WHICH IS FORBIDDEN!
how all "shocking" news about gen ai reads when you know how it works

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Red Herring - ever shifting to capture a room's attention, but always fish °‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·。
y'all need to relearn the word erratic and stop using schizophrenic/bipolar/psychotic as a replacement
y'all need to relearn the word particular and stop using ocd as a replacement
People need to relearn the word "egocentric" and stop using narcissist/narc as a replacement.
People need to relearn the word "impulse" and stop using "intrusive thought" as a replacement
probably tomorrow i'm gonna somehow be more organized and disciplined than i ever have been in my whole life so i'm fine probably
fuck my stupid fungus life

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Me golf commentating: These are evil, evil men... they have done wicked deeds to be here today. There are no winners today-- Beautiful drive there. Right onto the fairway.
this tweet singlehandedly destroyed my speech patterns for a solid month in college
an “original character” is like a kind of brain parasite
Your goal should be to get weirder with age and im not kidding. Become that odd estranged extended family member that owns a whacky home wherein a powerful magical item is kept that is the catalyst for the story of a children's adventure novel protagonist
Tumblr has forever affected how I refer to my food. Macking cheese in the michael wave. My dinnar #mydinnar. Grilling absolute cheese. It goes on

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cock rings? aren’t you gonna answer?