This is a picture from Inside Out, which I watched recently (side note, everyone should watch this movie, it’s really insightful and it also has the jokes and feels at the end).
When I saw the main character Riley and her relationship with her dad, I saw a lot of goofiness, living life together through hockey, honesty in communication, and just genuine love. I wish I could say I relate.
People who’ve been in LG know this about me, but I haven’t had a Dad since I was 6 years old. He lost his life to diabetes and I’m sure he wasn’t a believer.
People have asked “has it been hard? How has that affected you?” Truthfully, for someone in my situation, it’s never really hit me. Because I was so young, and I didn’t have other families around my house, I didn’t have a standard to compare to until I got to the point where I was old enough to be aware of my situation but hardened enough to not care that much for change or any feelings of regret.Â
But looking back.. I think not having a Dad has affected me, whether I knew it or not. I’ve never had an older male role model to look up to, which affects my relationships with older brothers and authority figures. I never had somebody to teach me discipline or to protect the family. I never had someone to take me home from sporting events or encourage me when I failed piano competitions. If nothing else, our family never had a main provider and someone who is supposed to lead the household. I never had anyone to instill faith in me and be proud of my life. I never had someone teach me how to raise my son as a father. I never had someone who would discipline me if I went the wrong way.
And I think anyone else who grew up like this would (understandably) demand God for an answer why would He, in His love and sovereignty, make my life this way. Sometimes I do wonder.Â
But the more I know of the Father’s love, the more I also can look back and say that I’m thankful for the things that did happen. My grandma wouldn’t have come to raise me if my dad was still here. She taught me manners, responsibility, and what it means to be an older brother figure to younger family friends. I wouldn’t have been in a position to be home alone sometimes and learn to grow up really young, really fast. And I wouldn’t have wanted to do as well in school if our finances were better.Â
If I ever long for that relationship with a dad, I can always look to a heavenly Father who will never leave my side, a Father who has called me priceless, and a Father that will always provide what I need when I need it. I have a Father who hears me and answers me no matter where I’m coming from. I can look at a Father who loves unconditionally, who will never condemn me for my failings, who disciplines me and tests my heart. A Father that will pick me up when I fall down because He has already fallen down and gotten up once for all.Â
And I hope that one day, if I have kids, I can learn to have that father’s heart for my kids, too.
