stargazing.

↪ brief introduction to felix beringer.

BASICS

full name: felix isaak beringer.  nickname(s): feli.  age: thirty.  date of birth: 9 april 1990. zodiac sign: aries.  place of birth: charlottenburg, berlin, germany.  ethnicity: white. nationality: british & german. gender: cis male. sexual orientation: pansexual. romantic orientation: panromantic. religion: he was raised in a protestant household but he’s long since stopped practicing - he isn’t entirely sure he practiced in earnest even when he was a child.  education: bachelor’s in history & german literature and culture ( new york university ). occupation: history teacher at turtle bay high school.  language(s) spoken: english & german ( primarily, he learned them at the same time as a child and considers them both to be his first languages ). italian, french & spanish ( he’s fascinated with languages and spent hours upon hours learning them on his own ). accent: although it took him nearly a year of practice to make his accent less pronounced he still has a very slight german accent; it deepens when he’s stressed or comfortable but he still never quite sounds anything other than german.

Lizzie: What about Sundays? They're the only days of the week that I close the shop for a break. Or if that doesn't work the shop closes at 5 every Saturday.

Lizzie: I can't believe I met a cool zoologist at aldi's of all places

Percy: Sundays sound perfect, princess ♥

Percy: I'm really most in my element buying groceries so it must have been a stroke of luck :P

Lizzie: Soon. We should go out soon.

Lizzie: It's the same for me. I'm so glad we met

Lizzie: They sound absolutely darling. I bet I'll love the both of them as well. I have a stray cat that I feed sometimes. I'm trying to slowly get it to let me pet it but all its done is hiss at me so far.

Percy: You pick the day and time and I'll plan it? Seems fair to me

Percy: I am too, love, I really am

Percy: Good thing you've made friends with a zoologist then, yeah? I'm a bit of an animal whisperer

Lizzie: One that I had no idea about until now! Can I keep that picture?

Lizzie: You want to take me on a date?

Lizzie: Oh a lot! He held my hand and walked me through what I was feeling. I told him all about you and how you charmed me

Lizzie: That's adorable. I need to meet the dogs of yours sometime. Feel free to bring them by the shop sometime.

Percy: If you'd like to keep it, sweet girl, then it's all yours ♥

Percy: I want to take you on a million dates, love. As many as you want. For as long as you want.

Percy: I've never been more grateful to have made a good impression on someone :)

Lizzie: I've just never wanted anyone before..

Lizzie: Before now, I mean.

Lizzie: But I do want you.

Lizzie: And thank you, Percy, for not pressuring me into anything. I really appreciate it - I need you to know that.

Lizzie: That's adorable! I always wanted a sibling but it never happened. The closest thing I have to a brother is my best friend, Teddy. He's heard plenty about you too.

[ a few minutes pass ]

Percy: [ attached image of Percy, grinning at her phone -- face bright red & clearly blushing ]

Percy: Been a while since a girl telling me that's made me look like this. Special talent of yours, is it?

Percy: At this point, Liz, I think you could ask me to stand on my head for the next week straight just to take ya on a date and I doubt I'd even question it. Being mindful of what you need for me isn't hard, I promise. It's worth it.

Percy: He has, has he? And what sorts of things have you been telling him? Clearly my sterling charm should be mentioned :P

Lizzie: Thank you.

Lizzie: Me too. I mean, I can't stop thinking about you either. About what you said... about finding a missing puzzle piece. You really put it into the right words.

Lizzie: There's a lot that I want to say to you but I just don't have the right words to say it, you know?

Lizzie: I have to meet this infamous brother of yours sometime

Percy: Any time, sweetheart.

Percy: Perk of spending a lot of time over the years thinking about my feelings and shite. That and therapy. Therapy's good for helping me find words for things.

Percy: I get it.

Percy: Just -- there's no pressure on my end, alright? I like you. I really like you. More than I probably should considerin we've spent all of a couple hours together.

Percy: But the point is that I'm happy to wait. Figure all of this out at whatever pace you need it figured out. Never really been one to be patient for much but I'd be happy to do it for you.

Lizzie: Really?

Lizzie: It seems that way. That everything that happened that one day happened in a dream. Mainly, I think, because its not everyday that you meet someone like that, is it?

Lizzie: Gross but endearing lol

Lizzie: Truth is, I'd take you and your milk snot over everyone any day

Percy: Really, really

Percy: Small and dorky and prone to flirting, you mean? I'm teasing. No, princess, it's not every day I meet someone like you. Not every day I meet someone I can't stop thinkin about, either, so that's been a treat

Percy: That's my brand, really :P

Percy: ... I'm honored but trust me when I say it was Thomas's fault for bein a shit and he's usually more considerate than that, the brat

Lizzie: Sorry, I probably thought about a million things I could say to you but they all just didn't seem to be right so I settled for something simple

Lizzie: I've missed you.

Lizzie: That's actually why I'm texting. I wanted to make sure that you were, you know, real and everything. That I didn't dream you up or something

Percy: I was teasing, sweetheart. I'm happy to hear from you no matter what you're saying. You could've texted me a bloody cake recipe or something and I'd have been delighted

Percy: Dream me up?

Percy: I promise you didn't but I'd really have questions about how much of a dream girl I am. You would too if you'd seen Tommy make me laugh so hard I genuinely spit milk out my nose like a toddler

Lizzie: Hi

Percy: You've a way with words, darlin ;)

Percy: Missed you, though. Can't say I'm complaining about getting a text from you

If it’s to much just- I’ll give ya your bag and we can pretend I never even saw you. It was a bit much wasn’t it? Lizzie got the feeling that she should be overwhelmed by all of this but rather she’d found herself stuck in a strange sort of comfortableness around Percy that she’d never felt with anyone else. Things that should be scary were suddenly met with a braveness that astounded Lizzie herself. 

Throughout the entire explanation, Lizzie felt like her heart would suddenly burst forth from her chest and leap into Percy’s arms by how fast it was beating. It felt like such a confession should be met with an equally beautiful confession in return but Lizzie found herself at a loss for words. No one had ever said something like this to her nor had they ever meant anything close to the feelings that Percy just described as feeling. She’d never been in love before but seemed, in not even the span of a single afternoon, to be well on her way to falling for Percy. 

“I want you to stay.” It was all she could say in the face of her inexperience but her hand once again fell to her side and searched for Percy’s own free hand to hold. Their fingers met and Lizzie’s heart lurched with the feeling of soft skin along her own, basked in being able to touch Percy once more because the feeling her chest made her want and want want… It was so distracting. 

...

“Okay,” Percy said, her voice only just a bit higher than a whisper as her gaze settled on Lizzie’s fingers tangled with hers before she turned her attention to the woman who’d captivated her so easily without seeming to have even a fraction of an idea that she was doing it in the first place. It would be different, she reasoned, to any other relationship she’d had where romantic feelings or anything that approached them was concerned. Percy, who had been comfortable in her own sexuality since she’d kissed a girl on the playground in primary school somewhere around the age of ten, would have to be patient-- something she wasn’t always gifted in the art of but she felt a profound urge to navigate whatever was growing between her and Lizzie with the utmost care and gentleness. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, then,” She continued, squeezing Lizzie’s hand lightly before she pulled them both into walking along the street once more.

-

Lizzie remembers a customer who visited her shop in the last year who had told her a story of how he had met his wife. The two had only known one another a few weeks before getting hitched and Lizzie always wondered how a relationship - that had lasted over forty years mind you - could begin so quickly. But standing here now with Percy, feeling the intense things she felt, feeling the belonging she’d found with this woman, she could understand for once how that could happen. Because all she wanted now was to close the distance between them and kiss the woman. It was a surprising thought but one that she didn’t find disturbing or scary and several things slotted into place about herself. An awakening of sorts happened then, and Lizzie found that it wasn’t frightening but rather something that came with a flood of warmth at finally understanding why she’d never really been interested in the boys she’d dated in the past. It was more of like ‘oh, that makes sense’ and she had to laugh then and roll her eyes good naturedly at herself for not realizing before then. 

“I should be asking you the same,” especially considering the fact that she hadn’t realized she was… what? Gay? Bisexual? She didn’t know. But she certainly didn’t realize that she was interested in girls before now. It was new and exciting, a secret part of herself locked away even from herself. Glancing at the woman, Lizzie found that she couldn’t just look away from her once she’d started. No, she stared longingly at the face she so wanted to touch, to kiss. This kind of longing, physical in nature, was entirely new. She’d never specifically wanted to kiss someone before - especially not the boys she’d dated in the past - but here she was, first meeting, and she found herself aching to do so.

Heart lurching in her chest before picking up speed, she licked her lips nervously and had to turn her head away for the first time in the conversation to hide the huge grin she wore. She wasn’t naïve to what Percy was asking her, who the woman planned on giving those specific flowers to after just having asked what Lizzie’s favorites were, and she found herself delighted and excited by the possibility. It was also so damn cute that it made Lizzie’s toes curl in her boots. “I suppose that would be entirely dependent on what kind of message you’d want to be sending. Red tulips would be a declaration of love, white would be saying something like ‘I’m worthy of you,’ various tulips of different colors would mean that you’re saying they have beautiful eyes, yellow, another favorite of mine, would be saying that there’s sunshine in someone’s smile. Which I think is a rather lovely message, don’t you?” Grinning, sunshine in her own smile now, Lizzie glanced back at the woman and found herself enamored all over again. “What kind of message are you trying to send exactly?” She questioned and waited with bated breath. 

...

Nothin’ to do but just to say it, innit. Any hesitation that Percy felt in time with the thought was short lived-- collecting briefly at the back of her throat, lingering in a press against her tongue that evaporated in time with her brow furrowing between the edges and a soft, almost disbelieving laugh that erased her hesitation as though it had never really been there at all. It certainly wouldn’t be the scariest thing she’d ever done in her life— nothing had ever felt quite as terrifying after she’d worked on a project that involved frequent interaction with bears who Percy had come to love and appreciate with an immense fondness. But facing down a bear in the hopes of helping it was quite a different sort of terrifying than admitting to a woman she’d known for less than the span of an afternoon nap that she would very much enjoy seeing how the rest of a life with her in it might shake out. No, she reasoned, that was far too much for the moment but she could dial it back about twenty levels and perhaps settle on something that wouldn’t send Lizzie running for the hills. “Think it’s a bit multifaceted, love,” Percy said carefully after a moment, gray-green eyes narrowing the slightest bit as she stepped into a particularly bright patch of sunlight in their path.

“I’d like to say loads of things,” She continued, a readiness in the admissions that she had expected the moment she’d opened her mouth to speak but found herself no less surprised by when there wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in her. She’d been in love before-- promised the future and herself and her heart to women who hadn’t wanted it and a fair few who hadn’t deserved it and had always imagined that was the way of the world when she could never quite cut herself off from the bits and pieces she seemed perpetually eager to cobble together and hand away in offering to anyone who was willing to take a moment to look at her. It had been a long, long while since she wanted to take those pieces of herself and offer them to someone who was willing to see her. “Yellow tulips sound like they’d have a place in it, though-- whatever it is that might want to be said.” There wasn’t any reason to be vague but Percy couldn’t seem to help herself-- wanted to pause in the midst of their walk and quietly inform Lizzie that even looking at the way the sun caught the shades of blue in her eyes made Percy want to sit down and consider the world for a long while.

Wanted to stop the pair of them and admit she was already half-crazed with the knowledge that she’d probably end up spending the rest of her afternoon thinking about Lizzie whether she wanted to be doing it or not -- or that she arguably would want to be doing it and would cave to the desire again and again and find beauty in the remembrance every time. Instead, she bumped Lizzie’s hip lightly with her own as they walked, pausing long enough to study the empty street stretching before them prior to crossing it-- mulling over what she wanted to say several times before she inhaled with even half a notion of giving any of the ideas life. “If I wanted to tell you that it feels like I’ve just been waitin’ around for the world to finally line up in just the right way and let me know I’d been lookin’ for ya the whole time-- what sort of flowers would say that? I know...” 

The blonde paused, a reluctance catching in her throat sharply that she promptly barreled through with every ounce of impulsiveness she possessed. “I know it’s a lot to say to someone you’ve only just met. I don’t-- I’ve never--” Percy paused, laughter blooming and growing in her chest, “Feels a bit like I’ve been trying to finish a jigsaw puzzle for half my bloody life and I ran into you in an Aldi of all goddamn places and suddenly I’ve found the piece under my sofa and finished the puzzle and it’s-- it should be-- too much, shouldn’t it? Shite doesn’t work that way in the real world. At least, it never has in mine. I want it to, though...” She trailed off, offering Lizzie a smile that was far less brash and easy than any she’d given up to the world throughout their conversation to that point. “It doesn’t seem quite as terrifyin’ as I thought it would. Not with you. If it’s too much just-- I’ll give ya your bag and we can pretend I never even saw you. Cross my heart.” 

-

She didn’t think anyone had ever paid this much attention to her besides her father. To find that again after his passing left her feeling emotional. It almost brought tears to her eyes and she cherished the feeling of finally being listened to on a deeper level, of being paid the attention that everyone else denied her. She found it addicting and she immediately launched into answering Percy’s questions, not wanting to deny the woman an answer. 

“Tulips are my favorite because of the meaning and the look of them. In floriography, they mean different things depending on their colors but in general they mean love and passion.” They were the perfect romantic flower that were often enough overlooked for the cliché of roses. Not that roses weren’t beautiful flowers, but they were used overly in her opinion. “I love lilies because of the look of them, not necessarily their meanings. Though, they mean wealth or purity depending on the color. I have to say, I love the orange ones the most.” Glancing over at Percy, Lizzie blushed heavily when the woman complimented her passion for flowers and her work. It wasn’t every day that something like that was easily appreciated like Percy seemed to. In fact, it wasn’t every day that you met a person like Percy at all and Lizzie found herself, once again, thanking the universe that they had been put in each others paths today. 

“It seems like fate that we met today,” she commented, hesitantly because she wasn’t sure if it was something that Percy herself believed in. “We have more in common than I thought.” Percy’s history seemed to highlight Lizzie’s in a few different ways. “My mother left when I was born, I’ve never met her before either.” And it went unspoken but she could hear the longing in her own voice that seemed to echo Percy’s own emotion. “My father stepped up and took care of me but I could have easily ended up in foster care as well had he not done so. They’d be proud of you, Percy.” She insisted, words soft and caught somewhere in her throat at the way Percy’s voice lingered in her head, saying that her father was proud of her. “I just met you and I’m proud of you,” she insisted once more, trying to get Percy to understand, “so how could they not be?” 

...

How are you even real?

It was a stray thought-- one that prompted an upward quirk at the edge of Percy’s mouth-- a twitch that could very easily have bloomed into the smile that had been a fixture on her features from the moment Lizzie had spoken to her. When she was much younger Percy had wondered how true it was that the people in one’s life, for one reason or another, were meant to be there— she’d wondered how that could possibly have been true when she was forgetting her mother’s face more and more by the day and she could only hear her father’s voice when she fell asleep and if that was the way the world was meant to work, well, why was it meant to be hurting so much? She felt something that might have been reassurance-- something soothing, at least-- cool and easy and settling in all of the jagged parts of her to smooth the edges as she looked at Lizzie and marveled, quietly, at how she could have gone so long without meeting the florist. Found herself baffled by the fact that in the six months she’d called Turtle Bay home the universe hadn’t deigned to introduce them. Better late than never, the Brit thought, the smile that found its way to her lips genuine as she fought back both a wave of emotion and an absent, but no less fervent desire to kiss Lizzie right in the middle of the street.

“You sure you’re not an angel I’m gettin’ lucky enough to meet?” Percy asked after a moment, a severity in her gaze that wasn’t quite mirrored by the borderline dopey, wide smile she was offering the brunette in that moment. It was a sincere question in some respect-- a result of the quiet appreciation she felt for the other woman that seemed to settle somewhere in her chest and become more and more intense with every passing second. “But uh, cheers, princess. I--” She paused, huffing out a laugh in time with the warmth flooding into her face. “I appreciate it.” Another pause during which Percy found herself distracted by Lizzie at her side and the growing urge to hold her hand or touch her or express her appreciation in any way she could that wasn’t strictly relegated to her ( in her mind ) meager power of speech.