Miah Interviews Marleen Sommer
I have met many fantastic girls like me here on Tumblr and it has occurred to me that I know very little about my friends. The days speed by and we correspond with strangers without even asking them who they really are. All too often, beautiful and interesting people are lost in the blogroll, passed over for monotonous reblogs of females with photoshopped on cocks and demeaning captions. In these interviews, I will attempt to reveal the person behind the pictures as I ask my subjects personal questions about their joys and/or struggles with gender and mainstream society. Remember, these are the opinions and reflections of individuals. Don’t take them personally.
Today’s interview is with my good friend, and one of my favorite role models, Marleen Sommer. When I first found her blog, I was in awe of Marleen, her beauty and style, and the amazing life she routinely shares photographic evidence of. Because of her seemingly supreme confidence, it took me a long time to build up the courage to talk to her. When I did, I didn’t dare ask her for this interview for at least a year because I simply didn’t want to bother her, or appear too thirsty. But, I was! I’ve always wanted to know about Marleen and finally we have come together for this Q&A session. What I learned and what you will read will seriously solidify what her friends and fans already know about her: Marleen is the complete package. She’s beautiful, intelligent, passionate, dignified and, may I just add, a truly above average person who I am proud to call a friend. I hope you enjoy learning about her as much as I did. Please enjoy my interview with Marleen Sommer!!
Miah: Generally speaking: What is your age, where do you live, and in what area of life do you labor for money?
Marleen: Hi all, I’m Marleen Sommer, I´m 58 years of age and I live in northern Germany. My profession is a commercial office job in the automobile branch which I find very satisfying.
Miah: How long have you been your feminine self? Do you use a word as an identifier, like trans, genderfluid, crossdresser or something else, and why or why not?
Marleen: My feminine self, the person you see in my blog, finally emerged about seven years ago when I decided to come out. It’s not my goal to assimilate to a category nor do I attach importance to a word as an identifier. I feel that I am transgender and also genderfluid. The meaning and content of such identifiers may vary depending on the countries and societies. In the end, I just want to be myself and live my life.
Miah: A simple wish, but it can become complicated can’t it? When did you begin dressing feminine? Please take a minute and recollect your first memories of doing this. Why did you begin? What did it feel like? How did this all start for you?
Marleen: My story began more than 35 years ago. As a young man interested in girls and loving their outfits, I discovered the desire to try those sexy clothes and accessories for myself. I barely understood myself but I couldn't resist the urge. Considering my lack of experience and the opinions of society back then (even in Germany) I was ashamed and absolutely handled it as a total secret. I think it’s a beginning that most of us can relate to. While I was exploring this very new experience of crossdressing, I also simultaneously learned to conceal everything I was doing. Hiding my feminine belongings, overtly behaving as a man and even avoiding looking at the women’s clothes when window shopping. After a while, I could no longer handle it and threw all my few feminine belongings in the trash. This was my first awareness of the pressure dressing feminine and hiding it would put on me.
As you may guess, the desire to be my feminine self came back. I began buying new, more satisfying outfits, since I now had the advantage of knowing my sizes and how to act inconspicuously in a store. Remember, this was long before the internet. You had to go to a shop to buy clothes and shoes and you even had to do research first to learn where to buy the items you were looking for. It was exhilarating.
These first explorations were also dominated by sexual elements. I was quite turned on by myself. I was simply dressed but I saw some satisfying female features. However, for a second time I didn`t get along with it and purged. I needed a third attempt two years later to come to terms with my strange preference. In an adult bookstore, I found a magazine with erotic personal ads. This is when I realized there were others like me! This reassured me and made me feel like I wasn’t weird or perverted.
So, with better experience and more courage, I started to capture some trophies of my female appearance. I was fascinated by the feel of a pantyhose and I was pleasantly surprised me when I put on high heeled shoes and felt how it changed my body posture. It was magic to feel the soft fabric of a particular item as I slipped into it. It was like the femininity transfered to me when I was dressed. I was always skinny, even more so back then. I tried to compensate with slightly oversized male clothing as I tried to fight my complexes of not being man enough. I felt a deep satisfaction when my small shoulders fit into a M-sized dress. In this world, my smaller size was a blessing! I was "on" and from this point, and my joy and confidence skyrocketed.
Miah: Thank you for sharing your beginnings with us. There are definitely some themes that pervade us all. What is the status of trans rights in Germany? How do the people generally feel about people like us? And, most importantly, when you make a public appearance, how are you received? Would you recommend Germany as a safe place to visit to someone who is a gender nonconformist?
Marleen: The status of trans rights in germany is good. When compared to many other democratic countries it is above average.The human rights in the constitution are for everyone and were supplemented to include transgender in the last decade. All state institutions are instructed to act respectfully to transgender people. Due to the fact that some female and male politicians and many people of public interest such as in sport, culture and media live openly gay and carry this liberal view to life to the population, the society got accustomed to it. In a way, it became kinda hip to discuss gender themes but for many others this is tiring already. The health care system also is very open when some of us start a transition. The psychological and medical care are very good. In short, the people are generally open to transgender. Of course, there are some ultra conservatives, religious zealots and such, but these anecdotal groups are in every country.
When it comes to public appearance, Germany is safe for us in almost every casual situation. The people tolerate or accept when they realize somebody "is different" or they just don’t care. Yes, your feminine skill set and interaction level can affect this. Personally, I haven`t had any problems.
I’d like to discuss an event that brought trans awareness to a wider audience in Germany and Europe and was also a major item for me. In 2014, a few months after I started coming out to family and friends, the wonderful Conchita, a bearded transgender from Austria, won the Eurovision song contest ESC. The ESC is an annual big media show with an audience of 200 million. It was a sensation and a triumph for our fight for rights and acceptance. I burst to tears when watching the announcement of her win. It was so emotional. I adored her talent and courage so much and her proclamation "We are unstoppable" helped me a lot to keep moving forward in my own journey.
Miah: I guess Germany is on my travel list! I had no idea it was so progressive. Thank you. You mentioned that your first attempts at crossdressing happened when you were about 23. Before then, when you were a child, or a teenager, was there any indication that you had these feelings?
Marleen: Yes, I was around 23 when I first noticed it. Over the years, I discussed and exchanged a lot with others and it seems that most people started a bit earlier. I do remember a situation when my Mother let me dress up in some of her clothes when I was 6 or 7 and my father even photographed it. It was fun but it was not connected to a need to do it again or to an internal feminine feeling at that time.
Miah: You mentioned purging numerous times, and as many of us can attest to, it can be a difficult experience to navigate through. How did you eventually learn to trust yourself and stop throwing away your clothes?
Marleen: Looking back at over more than three decades of my development , it’s clear I wasn’t the charging ahead self confident type. I was influenced pretty much by others or it comforted me if others did something, too. Back then a major breakthrough for me was to realize there were others like me. I just didn´t know because in my bashfulness I didn´t talk to anyone. The second major step to a better self-image was some time later when I first did make up. In retrospect, it was - modest - but I was fascinated by looking in the mirror. I just did it, I didn´t even need a tutorial. There weren’t tutorials anyway, pre-internet. I was so proud and it gave me a certain trust in myself. But, I also felt an undertow growing from this new world opening up to me. I wasn’t ready for that, and again I didn´t know how to handle it. So, I grew a goatee for several years to keep me from putting on make up again. Weird, huh?
However, yet again the influence of others helped me to step up. In 2006, after my first real life private encounters with other transgender people, and their feedback to me, I became certain of what I am and what I long for .. and the beard disappeared. You can see this development in my other blog "Marleenbackthen". Today my self-image has changed a lot, I feel very confident now, and I live life with courage and inner peace.
Miah: I think the example of growing the goatee is more common than we would think. Thank you for the candid response. Do you remember the first time you went out in public? Can you talk about how you decided to do that and how it felt? What was that experience like?
Marleen: Oh yes .. I remember that! It was so very exciting! In the spring of 2014, after starting my coming out process, I was invited to an online trans friend’s place for the weekend. Again, it was the help of somebody else that propelled me forward. In great anticipation to the date, I had ordered some new clothes so we had a nice private fashion show! Then, on Saturday evening, we went to an pub where trans people meet, a kinda of protected area. I was so excited and after a short time I was quite comfortable. It felt amazing to be able to pass successfully. On Sunday morning, I awoke courageous, so we went to a public park for a walk. Fairly dressed up and behind sunglasses, I stared at everyone passing us wondering will he/she recognize me? Will they point their fingers on me? But, it never happened. I came home from this weekend with a major important realization : the fear is just in our heads! If you behave as if it were the most natural thing in the world - it will be okay for the world. I felt pumped up with self confidence, figuratively I slipped off the last fetters and began to RUN.
Miah: You may have pointed out the biggest lesson of all for people like us: most of the fears keeping us inside, or from ourselves, is not real. Everyone needs to hear this.
You mentioned that when you first began dressing feminine there were very few resources to help you learn about yourself. Now, information about gender is everywhere, with so many different views, and ways of being it’s almost overkill. Do you think girls like us who remember the time BEFORE the internet have a harder time finding contentment and getting over shame? What advice might you share with one of these girls who really wants to get out into public view?
Marleen: The girls like us who started exploring their feminine part in times before the internet started definitely have had a harder time due to the lack of resources back then. Nowadays, with the overflow of information it’s almost the same for the young and for the mature transgender. Better access to the digital world for the young gurls compared to more life experience for the mature ones.
But, in my view, the real difference can be found somewhere else besides quality of resources: the young ones have a different handling of it all .. they have a better self-conception. They just do it. I absolutely appreciate that, but I don’t look back dwelling on what could have been. Everything has its time and my time is now. It’s good to see that society is opening up for us. I’m aware that I am living in a liberal society and things are relatively easy for me. There are a lot of us living in an oppressive locales with fewer chances to unfold their wings. But the world changes, and as Conchita stated “we are unstoppable” !
Even in homophobic societies there are places where LGBTIQ people have their space. My advice is, whether you’re in an oppressive or friendly country is : find out where transgender people meet. You can take full advantage of the internet. Find pubs, bars, clubs, supporting groups, advice offices. Go there and get in touch. When you are polite you will be very welcome. Talk to the people and make new friends, let them give you inspiration and courage. If you are still shy about your feminine appearance go in your male appearance, it doesn’t matter as long as you are open and friendly. But ,the first step is on YOU. Nobody will come and kiss you awake, it’s in YOUR hands to make a start .. then others will give you a hand to continue. Once you’ve crossed the threshold there will be friends who will support you in taking your first steps in public.
One more thing: the trans scene is protective. There is no fear of being exposed or betrayed. We are all in that same boat. Don’t search for reasons why you can’t achieve your dream but find the chances to make your dreams come true.
Miah: What is a day in the life of Marleen like? What is your ideal girl day? What is your favorite thing to do when en femme? Could you share one of the best experiences you’ve ever had while dressed feminine?
Marleen: A day in the life of Marleen is always not an ordinary day. I’m not dressing up every day although I have the chance to do so. I’m trying to keep it special and dressing up is always connected to something. A night out, a meet for lunch or dinner, a whole day en femme to explore a city, are examples. And, I always dress up to meet people. I love to be with friends, it’s so much better than being alone. Generally, I can differentiate between a single event like a party or a cluster of days being completely en femme when visiting a city.
My favorite thing of course is attending a party. I started my femme activities with that and I still love it. If you read the narrations to my posts you are aware that these parties are mostly erotic based. It may sound strange but these kind of parties are safe places. Everyone has to register or book in and pay for entrance, there’s a door bitch who lets you in - or not, no matter your outfit is matching to the party or not. When someone is aggressive acting or misbehaving he/she gets the chop. At a normal party, where everyone has access the chance of being grabbed is noticeably higher.
Due to the pandemic all clubs and parties were shut down from March to June and are again shut down momentarily. I definitely had to adapt to it. After some weeks of being bored, I started to go out in casual public .. for a walk, a coffee, a bike trip - of course always with one or more friends.I never ever had a single problem with anything or anyone disliking me or such. One of the highlights this summer was going sunbathing in a bikini on a public meadows and also at a lake. Oh my! It was a dare and so thrilling but always satisfying in the end. The ultimate outcome of this summer is : I need more casual clothes!
Best experiences .. well there are so many highlights it’s hard to make a single selection. I’ll pick some ...
In summer 2015, I was in Berlin to join the annual pride parade for the first time. We were a group of six trans girls and despite the colorful mixture around us we got quite a bit of attention standing and watching the parade. Eventually, we decided to dive into the parade itself and walk with all the other participants. It was absolutely amazing, there were tens of thousands of spectators on both sides of us and they all cheered us and showed us - and of course to every other participant - their respect and support. It was like we absorbed the positive energy and love of all these people. We were photographed and filmed every so often. Days later, I even found myself in a vid clip on YouTube. During the days of the Pride parade the mood in Berlin is so high, it’s so peaceful and joyful. People from the whole world are there and party together. The event is absolutely promoted and supported by the city of Berlin and its a safe place to be and to show your preferences. I was blown away by all these impressions.
Another example of a best experience happened to me almost a year ago. Three men who host parties I used to go to were preparing to present an erotic Christmas market .. yes such a thing exists! A nice ensemble of cabins with sweets but also with items and devices you usually buy in a sex shop. Plus, there were live acts such as Poledance, bondage shows and male/female strippers on a stage. And they asked me to do the moderation and announcing of the repeating acts. I had to think about it but I accepted. It was absolutely amazing. I made friends with all the market people and actors. I had to adapt to standing on a small stage and having hundreds of people focused on me but it was great. At the end of the four days I was tired but I also realized -I was kinda stage struck.
There are also so many encounters with only one person that made my day. There was this summer evening in the city of Dresden, still daylight, when a trans friend and me were heading to an erotic party, waiting outside the hotel for the tram, fully dressed up in fetish outfits. Across the street people were sitting outside a restaurant on the pavement enjoying their dinner. We were sure to have their attention. To our surprise, a very old lady from the tram station across came all the way over to show us her interest and appreciation. We were agape ,and after she was gone I said to my friend with a smile “ let’s go back to the hotel, this was better than any party”. Well we didn’t, but I have fond memories of this encounter!
Miah: Thanks for sharing those stories. The joy and confidence in your photos are explained!! How connected are your gender and your sexuality? Has one influenced the other more? If you do feel your gender and sexuality are connected, how does this manifest? Do you think your sexuality exists in a wider spectrum because of your trans lifestyle?
Marleen: Yes, my gender and sexuality are definitely connected and there are also influences and interactions. My male part is a hetero and I’m into women. Since I’ve been out and about being Marleen, I’ve made quite a few sexual experiences as well. As Marleen, I’m expressing and enjoying my sexuality differently. I’m not a bottom or a top. I’m switching and reacting much to the people I’m playing with. I’ve been with women, with transgender and with men and I’m still learning. It’s a great enrichment and it has widened my spectrum definitely. I wouldn’t have experienced that without being Marleen.
Besides the sexual activities, the most memorable experiences helped me learn a lot more about women and men. I’ve learned about the woman’s world, I’ve experienced situations of fear exclusive to women where men don’t even realize there is something to fear. Women have shared girl talk with me, a world within a world, that men seldom have access to.
I’ve also learned how men are - how they can be. Through the expression of my female part, I’ve learned how some of them look at women, how they check them out and how they treat them. But, I’ve also experienced the very positive interest of men (and women) towards me, their politeness and their acceptance of me as a woman.
Miah: Do you have any feminine role models? Who are they and why? Did you create your look from studying anyone in particular? Who or what influences your fashion?
Marleen: Generally, a lot of women can be role models for me. The girl walking along in front of me, the woman picking up something from the ground, the lady who graceful sits in a cafe. There are so many moments when I adore them. Seeing their fashion taste, their movements, their behaviour and body language. It´s so easy and free to study women in public and learn their patterns. It will always remain a dream to achieve a perfect copy but it`s an unending challenge. We all know this longing because we all share it.
There is one particular woman who is a real and everlasting role model to me: the french singer and artist Mylene Farmer. I’ve been following her artistic work for more than 30 years. In the beginning, it was just her music but later she became more and more of a role model for my self-conception. I love her appearance, her beauty, her red hair, her sexiness in addition to her art. She is near my age and I’ve always felt comfortable with her during every stage. I totally identify with her ambivalent dual role in the video of her track "California" .. it blows me away every time watching it.
In the beginning of finding my style, I tried to copy or at least tried to approximate to Mylene but I just failed. After some sampling in a classic style that didn`t satisfy me I remembered my (male) interest for rock/goth/punk styles. While being in Berlin, I discovered a shop that carried these outfits and during 15 minutes I was certain that THIS is my style. I knew exactly what I needed and wanted so after a short time I changed to ordering my wardrobe by internet.
This style was very successful for partying but I always had a lack of wardrobe for casual and ordinary public appearances. Ironically, the corona pandemic helped me catch up. Due to all clubs being closed and parties being cancelled my boredom from staying at home increased to a max. I started to shop and learned to create casual outfits. My summer experiences have enriched my femme life substantially but there is still a lot to do. And, here it`s you, Miah, who is a role model for me. You have a very individual and distinguished female style. I really like it and I´m trying to adapt parts of it to my needs. Also there is an interest in steampunk style and fashion growing in me. I already found me an extravagant corset. Let`s see what`s coming up there...
Miah: All of us should examine the life of Mylene Farmer. Thank you for mentioning her. Thank you even more for mentioning me in the same paragraph! I’m flattered to know that my simple fashion sense interests a beauty like you. What is the significance of your name? Is there meaning behind it?
Marleen: My female name is obviously influenced by my role model Mylene Farmer. Marleen is very close to Mylene in the spoken German language and as Mylene is uncommon and difficult to pronounce in German it was easy to choose Marleen. I love my name very much. It’s a special present that I (and we all) can choose a female name and it`s not given - isn´t it ? Marleen or the close Marlene is also a synonymic for a very female expression. My surname Sommer is also obvious - I love the summer, I`m a summer girl.
Miah: Besides sexuality, what is your guy side like? Do you feel you are the same person regardless of how you dress? Or does dressing feminine bring about a different persona with different interests?
Marleen: Haha, my guy side is very normal and unspectacular. Of course, there are interactions to my much more highlighted life being Marleen but all in all I´m very down-to-earth. I´m pretty much the same person but acting significantly different. I don`t disguise, I don`t change my voice, I don`t exaggerate .. but my attitude, my body tension, my look to people and the world is fairly different. I.e. having good manners as a guy I always open the door for a lady ..being Marleen I just stay in front of a closed restaurant door until a male companion realizes his duty. It`s very satisfying to see that he instantly has learned his lesson by helping me with the wardrobe and managing the order procedures. When I´m Marleen while driving a car I´m more careful and cautious than when I drive as a man. It´s fun and I feel so right doing this.
Miah: I’m willing to bet that you are awesome whichever way you present! Aside from clothes and fashion, what inspires you? What do you love to do? Please tell me one thing people might be surprised you enjoy doing!
Marleen: Music inspires me .. and there´s a wide range from classic to jazz to popular music. Due to my love of stepping out to dance parties, I´m very much into electro/dance/house/techno at present. Dancing is very emotional to me as a way to express myself. I feel so free to set my femme feelings into movement.
I also like art .. painting, sculpture, architecture and design of different eras. I`m a big fan of Edward Hopper and Andrew Wyeth, two american painters. One of the greatest moments I experienced was being at the MOMA in NYC. To my big surprise I found "Gas" by Hopper and "Christina`s world" by Wyeth side by side on a wall. I was so close to these absolute masterpieces and felt their powerful aura .. I had to hide my tears.
People might be surprised that I’m into classic cars! In the past, I even used to work on them but now it`s more important to me to have smooth skin and long fingernails. These are probably indications of what my mind is dominated by these days.
Miah: I want to touch on the issue of entering the public once more. Many of us cannot take the leap required to exit our homes and experience the world en femme. You have crossed that barrier with style. What advice do you have concerning the mindset required to go out and have fun in the light of day?
Marleen: There is no easy answer to this. To go out, to move in public, to feel comfortable and have fun is a major verification of our feminine self. I`m assuming reaching this goal is probably in almost everyone of us.
The main factor is : you - yourself. No matter if you decide to make your first steps in public on your own or you are looking for like-minded people, it`s on you to initiate it. Nobody will come and take your hand causeless. There may be aggravating circumstances, i.e. you are living in a LGBTIQ hostile society, your family and/or friends have a negative view to transgender, you fear problems or disadvantages in job and/or social surrounding. All this is important but no reason to give in. Remember things in your life you`ve achieved but you never thought you would achieve them .. that`s the spirit. Don´t look at it as a yes/no issue. Figuratively speaking, it`s not a black/white situation, there are so many grey levels. Make small steps to come closer. There will be losses when you enforce your will to step out as a woman, please balance it. The more you are convinced of your female part and your plans, the more you can convince others that this is important and serious for you; the better it will work for you. Don´t present yourself as a victim .. that`s a bad point to start from. When you want to go on your own, arrange yourself a comfortable situation, at home, in a hotel or maybe a cabin where you can dress up comfortable. You should start relaxed and positive, there will be enough stress later maybe. Make your first steps at a lonely place, maybe even in darkness. Experience the feel of wind, of heat or cold touching your senses .. it`s amazing. Enjoy feeling free and learn for the next time. Maybe sneakers instead of high heels for a field path ..
It`s important to build up self-confidence. Remember, the fear is just in our heads .. you and your state just doesn`t matter for most people you encounter. Act as if it`s just normal. Maybe prepare with a quick-witted answer for somebody who`s haressing you. Sometimes people are like animals .. when they smell fear they start to feel superior. Show sovereignty in your acting. When you decide to enter the general public, blend in. What would an ordinary woman wear for a walk in the park .. high heels, short skirt, pvc or fetish dress ? I don`t think so .. make a decent selection. There are women who fail in their styling selection, too. But, these are not our role models.
When you decide to look for self-minded people - and it´s my strong advice to make company, then get in touch with them at places where transgender people and their friends meet. The internet knows where ... when you`re open and positive you will be welcome and get help, make new friends and grow more self-confidence for exciting outdoor adventures.
Miah: I think this is the comprehensive advice many girls like us need, so thank you for itemizing it for those of us out there who are waiting to get outside.
Were you ever attracted to the “sissy” life? Can you comment on that aspect of our world? What is the key to avoiding negativity as you are coming to terms with your gender? Is there a “rabbit hole” and why do some girls like us fall into it?
Marleen: Maybe it`s a disappointment to some of my followers but I´ve never been into the sissy life although I have a submissive vein. I like the optical impression as it is mostly very sexy but I never found access to the interactions with my mind. I`ve met girls like us who presented the sissy image i.e. at an erotic party. Talking to them they all stated that it is much of a fantasy but very few of it comes to reality. Obviously there is a strong wish and longing to be submissive, to be under control, to be owned by a dom or a mistress. As long as both parties have fun it`s very okay. So many of us are unsettled to their gender and make wrong encounters what leads to negativity. Bad experiences are okay as long as you learn from them. From my view a key to avoid negativity is absolutely to stay in control and don`t sell at less than fair value. I`m aware that loosing control is one of the varieties of the sissy life but one should handle it like the sub in a BDSM relationship, where at least the sub is in control and determines what the dom is allowed to do to the sub. It is important to frame rules .. and it`s also important to have friends who put attention to the sissy avoiding the sissy to fall into the rabbit hole. Being in control of your life is the best preparation in general, being a sissy or not.
Miah: I’m curious, do you speak in the same voice as your guy self? Some girls make up a feminine voice, others don’t change at all. What is your approach?
Marleen: As I don`t have a deep manly voice I have no reason to disguise myself. My acting, my posture and my gesture are different when I´m Marleen, but not exaggerated. This is quite a naturally effect because I´m aware of being en femme every second .. and I enjoy every second. Much more than my voice my wording is different. What`s the use of a femme voice training when you still have a macho vocabulary ? All features taken together make the girl.
Miah: I like to ask everyone what kind of entertainment they enjoy. What’s the most important book you’ve ever read?
Marleen: There is a book I read many years ago, forgot about it and discovered it again about two years ago because I realized it`s the book I feel connected to the very most, especially in relation to my trans life : "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach. The recently most tensioning novel for me is "The Swarm" by Frank Schaetzing and I also love the novel of cycle about the swedish Inspector Wallander by Henning Mankell.
Miah: What movie would you most certainly choose for a romantic date night with a special someone?
Marleen: Well .. my absolute favorite movie is "Blade Runner" by Ridley Scott but this won`t match to a romantic date night so I`ll better choose "The Bridges of Madison County" by Clint Eastwood. My emotions go up even by thinking of the story; have handkerchiefs available when watching it.
Miah: What song makes you want to lose control and start a one-girl mosh pit?
Marleen: My admiration goes to artists with creativity and success over decades. I love the songs of german singer, songwriter and actor Herbert Groenemeyer, of course my beloved Mylene Farmer, bands of popular music as Depeche Mode, U 2 or Coldplay and the giants of electronic music Tangerine Dream, Kraftwerk and Jean-Michel Jarre. This is just a pick, there are so many more. But - there is one certain song that hits me deep in heart and mind, it was released in 2014. I had started my outing maybe half a year before but I felt stuck. Only a few femme activities had followed my verbal statements and I was unhappy about myself and about a lack of courage for further development. Then came "What are you waiting for" by Nickelback and I was instantly fascinated by its message. It really became a rock in the storm to me and it enforced me to get my a** up to realize and live my dreams. Please hear the lyrics and the supporting music .. for sure this is a hymn to all of us girls who really wanna get out into public. It´s so moving for me everytime I hear it and tears come to my eyes.
Miah: What is next for Marleen? Is our ‘new normal’ (Covid) affecting your ability to find space and time to manifest in your feminine form? What can your loyal fans expect from you this winter? Any exciting plans?
Marleen: Certainly my feminine life is affected by the covid pandemic. I used to be very much of a party girl but I don`t see anything like a party or club event in the next 4 to 5 month. The next months will be a time of private, so there will be mostly posts of private meets or dress-ups on my own, maybe mixed with some previously unreleased party photos. I`m not that much into selfies but I´m thinking of buying a big wall mirror ..
My plans are - of course - public activities. I would like to join the pride parade in Amsterdam, hopefully this can happen next year. Also, I´d like to travel, girl´s travel. I would so love to visit Paris and London, for their attractions, to learn their attitude towards life and of course for the nightlife being en femme with local girls.
Miah: Last question: I’m certain that your friends and fans are going to love reading your answers. Think about your fans for a moment. How do you feel about them? Why do you share yourself on Tumblr? What is the true point of your blog? If you could leave them with one idea, one theme, one cornerstone of your wisdom, what would it be?
Marleen: When I started my blog about four years ago it was to create a documentation of my activities and also kind of a "lookbook" of my outfits, because when I met people at parties, other events or just in public I was often asked for this. I realized I should use a social media platform to present and to give interested people easy access to my feminine side. Tumblr was my choice because of it`s remarkable transgender content, for it`s focus on photos and for the way of presenting in a growing timeline. After some time there was a feedback starting and I became aware this is also a platform for exchange and socialising. Nice people liked and reblogged my posts and even started to follow me. Friendly communications were built up. I never ever thought to once have thousands of followers and to have fans - just the sound of it - FANS. All this from a blog that`s only purpose and content is - me. It´s crazy, it`s just WOW! THANK YOU ALL for your interest, for your compliments and appreciation. I had the chance to build up contacts all over the world and I’m thankful for deep conversations and friendships. Beside all the benefits of the internet sometimes it`s cruel that my friends are often oceans apart. All your feedback gave me even more power and confidence.
Through these exchanges I learned about the situation of transgender people in other countries and their often hard realities .. but I also learned about their longings, their wish to live and be just as they are. Many societies are oppressive to transgender or still have to open and adapt to the LGBTIQ community and I realized many of us need approval, motivation and encouragement to start fulfilling their wishes. More and more this condensed for me to the conclusion to prove ( and to quote a well known man ) .. "yes we can !" You asked me for a cornerstone .. that`s it. We can - but the first step is on us.
Thank you all for reading my interview with Marleen! To learn more, and to follow and support her blogs, please click here. I hope her story reminds you that this life is accessible to all who wish strive for it. Never give up on your dreams. Until next time, live the life you love! -Miah
Thank you so much, my friend Miah ! I feel flattered and honored being the object of one of your brilliant interviews. I’m happy you understood and increased my message. It’s also kind of a soul strip to me .. escorted with palpitations.
This is not from back then, it’s very topical from present day .. since quite a while I’m in touch with the fantastic Miah Marlow, a smart, sexy and very courageous American girl. I feel flattered and honored she asked me for doing an interview with me. It fits to this blog because in this interview I’m telling also about my beginnings and this may make you better understand when looking at the photo story of my beginnings. Enjoy ..
