So I had this dream and I think all of Twisted Wonderland fandom would enjoy the chaos.
Reader is attempting to be gender-neutral. Suggestive theme, talk about laying eggs, possible hermaphrodite Malleus (depending on your gender) and way too much detail for the stupidity of Malleus wanting dirty talk.
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Years after graduating from NRC and marrying the love of your life, Malleus. There were trials and tribulations dealing with being a human on a fae throne. You have had your ups and downs with faes not quite accepting you but appreciating how you pull out the more gentler side of the draconian bloodline. Maleficent not happy but acceptant of her grandson's spouse due to the energetic and joyful life you bring to the melancholy castle. Malleus showing is happy bubbly side more often making him more approachable but not less intimidating.
The kingdom is in a weird balance knowing that dragons only has one mate for life and the unknowns of a possible Dragon Human heir. The kingdom tends to whisper amongst each other in both common and fae tongue. You begin to notice that whenever your people are discussing something that they're concerned will upset you or the king (mostly the king if you're upset) they switched to fae in order to have more of a private conversation.
Although you are not blood to the throne, this is still your kingdom and you want to make sure that if there are underlying issues that could be solved but they're worried about it then you should be one of the first to know of this issue. That's when you brought the idea to your husband that the two of you should in secret teach you how to speak fae.
Malleus was a bit taken aback by your request but was happy at the thought of you speaking in his mother tongue. The two of you agree that these lessons should be private during the evenings, in case you mispronounce something that was unintentionally insult and get the gossip mill running. You began to notice how your husband enjoyed your lessons together given how vigorous he was with you later in the night after the lessons. Malleus had always been the type that got delighted when talking or doing things that he was proud or passionate of.
This began your normal routine of 3 times a week of the two of you spending time teaching you new words and correctly making sentences in the correct pronunciation. Many evenings have been spent with him correcting your sentence and the joy that would light up in his eyes when you would pronounce it right. Even the notes that he had written in his mother tongue to help him keep track of what you've completed and work on the building blocks of your new language. Malleus thrilled with your progress during those nights that he would get you to properly talk about mundane things that it was not uncommon for you to wake up satisfied and sore.
You yourself were quite proud that not only your husband but the very king of this beautiful country was teaching you and praising you, verbally and physically. You knew eventually you would gain the courage to try out your new tea time conversation in the hopes of being able to respond back properly to someone else then your husband but for now you were quite content with your lessons.
Of course as time went by your confidence in the language grew the point that when Lilia had stopped by the castle for one of his visits for your personal bodyguard and his dearest son. You've known Lilia for almost as long as you've known your own husband and figured if anyone would have the patience for a conversation with a newbie in fae speak that he is your bat fae. So you had requested a private alone time to have tea in the garden with Lilia. You and Lilia caught up with each other's lives. Lilia telling you about what odd adventures, he's gone on since he retired. You with the random squabbles between tradition and acceptance of the new generation of things.
You decided that this would be the best time to ask Lilia if he'd be willing to attempt a fae conversation with you. Lilia both surprised and a little proud joyfully accepted and wanted to know what your lessons were about in order to figure out what you know and what you don't. You had picked up the notebook of Malleus's teaching for your lessons and handed it to Lilia explaining the contents. Lilia asked for a dry run first just to understand your stance in the language. So in fae, you had asked him "if he would like to have a particular type of tea leaf or the castles daily blend of tea leaves?"
Lilia's eyes widen as his face slightly flushed. He asks you to repeat what you had said common tongue. As you do, you see in his eyes a spark of concern, confusion and a hint of amusement as you spot his fangs poking out from his crooked grin then asking "If Malleus is the only one giving you lessons?" After replying in the affirmative that besides him, Malleus is the only one to hear you speak in this language. Lilia grabs the notebook starts flipping through it. He flips the book over and asks "If you're able to read anything that is on here?" You tell him unfortunately "No, you've been only trying to learn verbal and Malleus usually reads any fae scripture to you." Lilia asks you to say another sentence that you are confident in stating. You in fae language tell Lilia "How lovely the weather has been for your tea time."
As you finish your statement you hear a snort as Lilia falls off of his chair laughing a deep gut wrenching laugh. He's coughing and hacking and wheezing from his place on the cobblestone ground of the gazebo where you both have been under. You start raising your voice while asking Lilia "If he is okay and What is so funny?" You're worried that maybe you have pronounced something so wrong that the old bat face is laughing at your naivety.
The commotion of your raised voice and the strangled laughs that could be mistaken for a painful cry causes you to hear the clanking of armor as Silver rounds the corner to see his father on the ground. Silver runs to his dad to make sure that he's okay and asks you "What has happened?" while looking suspiciously at the food and drink on the table.
You tell Silver how the two of you were just discussing things and how you wanted to try to have a conversation in the fae tongue instead of common but you think that you've said something to cause Lilia to be laughing at you till his face is a reddish purple color while wincing every time his ribs move from over use.
Silver asks you "What you had said to him?", hoping that his father is not picking on you. You repeated the two sentences back to Silver and see the absolute look of horror on his normally stoic face. Silver looks around hoping in the hopes of no other prying ears in this situation before looking back at you. He only asks "If Malleus was the one to have these lessons with you?" When you reply "Yes", Lilia points at the notebook on the table and proceeds to to continue laughing in the most painful way that you know he's going to be sore later. Silver looks at the notebook that is already open. As Silver began reading he quickly covered his mouth but one glance at you had him busting up laughing like his father and using the table to trying keep himself from falling to the ground.
Upon this you have now realized that your husband may have not been telling you the truth about the conversations the two of you have been having during your evening sessions. You feel your attitude twisting into aggravation and annoyance similar to the storm clouds above turning a bit aggressive.
You start rewinding all of your lessons in your head and start to notice that certain words and phrases seem to get your husband's attention a lot more interested then it should have. Unfortunately for you at the time you had just taken this as a sign of your growing progress. As you are looking at two of the stronger life forms wheezing and laughing heavily, much to your bruised egos dismay. As you turn to Silver with concern on your face, you were about to ask him specifically what you had said only to be interrupted. A ball of green lights flutter away like fireflies gently explodes as both Malleus and Sebek are now standing in the gazebo. You and Malleus make eye contact as the anger pours in your heated glare towards your husband.
In the castle ~~~~~~~~~ Malleus point of view
Moments before the king and his personal bodyguard had shown in front of you. They had spotted what they thought were their comrade and mentor in complete distress while you stood there helplessly. Sebek wondering "If someone had poison or tampered with the edible items on the table."
Malleus feels heat rise to his face at the very thought of someone hurting his beloved spouse but also the fea who raised him with the son and the human he considers his own brother. Sebek noticing the previously lovely mid spring day growing dark as the thunderclouds start to roll in, realizing that his King is agitated. Sebek tries to calm Malleus down by reminding him that "If something like that is happening then his spouse would have gone and gotten help immediately instead of standing there watching them."
Malleus on the other hand is not too sure about that given his hearing he can hear the strangle cries of Lilia and the gasp from Silver while also hearing your own heartbeat and breathing erratic. Fear shot through Malleus as he sees Silver leaning over the tea table and quickly covering his mouth before almost collapsing himself. Malleus sees the distress on your face as you turn to Silver. Sadness, anger, distress, bitterness and fear. Things he never wants to ever see on your beautiful face but there it was and he was not going to let it continue if he has the ability to stop it.
Malleus couldn't take it anymore and hooked his arm around Sebek's shoulders pulling him close as he teleports both of them into the gardens gazebo. As the two land, Malleus takes a quick glance around to see if anything is suspicious before meeting the love of his life's eyes that shoot daggers towards him.
Green. Beautiful, electric green eyes that for years that you've never once gotten tired of gazing towards them and watching the emotions that filter out. Right now, you see nothing but concern and confusion while you glare furiously at the dragon that has the audacity to trick you while thinking that you would never catch on.
Your first thought is to question Malleus in his (possibly) inappropriate behavior of teaching you a language incorrectly but knowing that he could just lie and say that that you were pronouncing it. You decide that your dear husband deserves to be caught up in a trap with witnesses that will have no way out of it. Thinking about it for a minute you realize that there is one word that seem to catch both Silver's and Lila's attention that also your dear husband was particular about you pronouncing correctly.
Both Lilia and Silver stopped laughing immediately as they both glance your way. One of the men waiting for the amusement and chaos to rain while the other trying to figure out which fae or human to save from the situation. Sebek horrified and beat red in the face looks between you and his mentor.
Malleus with his jaw dropped with a look of betrayal as his eyes begin to water a bit. He knew that you and Lilia really had a good relationship but he had hoped you only save that kind of conversation with him. Especially after those wonderful late night conversat- oh, WAIT! THAT WAS FACE TONGUE!
Malleus's eyes scan the area and sees his notebook on the tea table open. Malleus's goes pale in the face as he turns back to you and that's when he sees it. That bitter anger that you only give him when he is going to be thrown out of his bed chambers into the shed. You had specifically built a shed in the garden for him to live in when you are crossed with him. Malleus avoids that shed like the plague haven't already spent a few nights in it after you refused to open the door despite his many pathetic pleas and his remorseful dragon chirping. He is going to use the wise wisdom that you bestowed on him back in college that "You can't punish someone, if you can't catch them." Malleus realizing the writing on the wall takes a step back, only to be cut off by a question that unfortunately convicts him of his crime.
Sebek still hot red in the face demands an explanation as to "Why you and his mentor would be talking about such inappropriate things?" You turn turn to Sebek and ask "What exactly was appropriate about what you said?" Sebek snaps his gaze at you extremely irritated he's talking about the fact that "YOU WERE TALKING EITHER TALKING ABOUT CHICKENS OR MALE GENITALS TO EACH OTHER!" You ask "If this was the word you were using as you speak in fae tongue." As Sebek was about to answer truthfully, he gets cut off by a hand gripping his shoulder almost bending the metal of his armor from strength of the grip. Sebek looks over to see his King in complete distress then confirms by the look on your face that he should stop talking.
That was all the confirmation you needed. You quickly close the gap between you and Malleus feeling the heat of rage boiling your blood. As you were toe to toe with Malleus, you look up fuming at him and begin to demand "Why the word tea is apparently a new version of the word cock?!" As you chew into Malleus, he lets go of Sebek's shoulder then takes a step back and runs as fast as you can away from you.
You yell at Malleus for running away from his problems but appreciate slightly that he is still respecting 'your don't teleport away from me when we're talking about things you don't like rule.'
Tying up Loose Ends/ background people ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This unfortunately this is how Maleficent gets to see her grandson running away from their human spouse yelling about tea and cock. While being chased after her grandson's personal bodyguard, who is trying to explain that he misheards you and the word was definitely "TEA!" As he is being chased by your personal bodyguard, who is explaining that Sebek is lying and that you should not use the words that Malleus had taught you to the public while he is caring that obnoxious bat over his shoulder. Who at this point is making very distressed goose honking noises from his body overloading from laughter of the situation.
Maleficent then took it upon herself to teach you the fae tongue due to her grandson's in an adequacy of intelligence that she blames did not come from her bloodline. Within 6 months you are very fluent in fae tongue and enjoy having deep meaningful conversations with the older feas, who have and will not be learning common tongue.
The only unfortunately soul of this situation was Malleus because besides being thrown out sleep in the shed for two weeks before being allowed back into his bed chambers with you. Also you have made it very clear that you will never be talking dirty to him in fae tongue as a permanent punishment for being dumb enough to think that you would never have a conversation with someone else, knowing perfectly well that that was the point of you learning it.
You're still very mortified though at the fact that you now know the full extent of the statements you had told those men (mostly Lilia and Silver, who both told you not to worry about it because they are used to the outrageous behavior of Malleus). Only when Lilia had heard about the three eggs that was laid from the two of you making the next generation of the royal line did he have some fun. Lilila decided to make some very funny comments from the previous statements, you have given him during that tea causing him personal details of your bedroom activities.
This resulting in a very upset dragon who has been kicked out of his bedroom/nest due to his spouses embarrassment. Malleus then spents his time begging to be allowed into his bedroom and when that does not work he then teleports to the bat's own residence. Malleus yells for hours about how he's still being punished for something that happened years ago. Things his human spouse enjoys when they are left with way too much free time and no supervision. Lilia on the other hand now regrets making his jokes about your bedroom activities because of having to deal with a disgruntled dragon who is making his punishment Lilia's punishment now.
And that's all I have of that dream I had that I can remember. Sorry if it's a little choppy, I was trying to recall everything because this is something that I think is goofy enough to happen if you're in a romantic relationship with Malleus who decided his lizard brain was only going to run at half capacity.
Also I know this alphabet is not fae tongue but I want to tell at least make it very clear for the dialogue of what's happening. This is the alphabet I used.
