Regrets a mile long

You’re both sitting on Eddie’s bed folding laundry while you watch Peep Show on his laptop. At the bottom of the hamper, you retrieve a leopard print banana hammock.

“What…the hell is this?”

Eddie stares at your hand, and then at you.

“I thought it was yours.”

“This is a man’s underwear, Eddie. Somebody left it in the dryer at the laundromat.”

“I really want you to nail meeting my brother. He just got a scholarship to play at Duke, and I know you don’t have a lot in common, but if you could just make the effort…” You realize you’re rambling as Nate pulls into your family’s driveway. He doesn’t say anything as you both get out of his car, but he smiles as your brother comes out the front door, a basketball under his arm.

I mean okay the guy is a lil’ creeper from the start

But then what the fuck

no wait pls

whAT THE FUCK IS THAT FLAPS OF SKIN HANGING OFF YOU AND SHIT

*HEART-A-STROKE*

SWEET JESUS SPARE ME

FUCKING NO MORE OKAY

I FUCKING REPENT MOTHERFUCKER

I CAN’T TAKE ANYMO——- aww look at that lil’ face