a line in the hand

the finished product is just fine, no complaints, but good lord it SUCKED to write

Emmrich backpedals so quickly from the Memorial Gardens because he realizes his reasons for wanting to go to them are specifically to impress Isolde (Mourn Watcher privileges and fancy catering) and he’s so flustered in the moment that he forgets all the other good qualities of the gardens (and does NOT want it to be visible just how hard he’s trying to orchestrate things to make a good impression, as we know in-game)

It was a purposeful choice on my part to take Emmrich out of his comfort zone and not let him go to the Memorial Gardens just yet. Honestly, I view Nevarran death culture as a mild form of self-harm for Emmrich (not on purpose, it’s just a bad fit for Emmrich’s anxieties and overall mental wellbeing.) Isolde taking him out of that and exposing him to new ideas is going to let him finally make peace with dying in ways that focusing on it so much of the time (as he does in Nevarra) does not. More time and energy focused on living (and therefore actually making good use of the time he has!) rather than being fixated on the end.

It’s also ultimately better for him to have dating experiences that are FAR less tightly controlled (the level of control he can exert over the Cumberland Gardens is significantly less than he has over the Memorial Gardens) and still turn out well. In order to realize he doesn’t need to Make Things Perfect, he needs to be forced to do less (and then have experiences where it still goes well.)

I used to walk near similar arch of Osmanthus regularly. A decade later, they’ve still left such an impression on me. You really could smell them that far off.

Emmrich undeniably is insecure about his age for romance in general and the fact he’s twice as old as Isolde, but honestly? If I took someone on a date and the rest of the couples hanging around there were 13-17, I’d have a moment of the same reaction too. (18-22 might as well be that young, to him.)

I’ve taken multiple friends to go sniff roses at botanical gardens, it’s surprisingly fun. Isolde isn’t sampling all of them so she doesn’t get the insanity of finding one that smells like mothballs, and another that smells like a combination of mango and nectarine, but from experience, they might be there 😂it’s also crazy to realize how different hand soap rose vs confectionary rose vs rosewater vs rose perfume really is. There’s easily 8 different common types of scents we classify as “rose” and they are NOT related to each other at all.

for Cumberland I was drawing on Neuen Palais’s grounds in Potsdam (close to Berlin). It was the first proper English garden (that’s a style, not a nationality descriptor) that I saw, and it made an impression.

Willows actually live much shorter lives than most trees, where a 60-year-old tree would be an exception. Isolde’s point of comparison is Arlathan, where they live to ridiculous ages (2 centuries, sometimes.)

Nasturtium have a peppery taste. Violets vary from “rather green” tasting to lightly floral.

From my POV, it’s actually a much better sign that Emmrich accidentally made Isolde uncomfortable, Isolde spoke up about it, and Emmrich gives the appearance of taking that to heart and trying to modify his behavior going forward vs Emmrich perfectly guessing what Isolde would like and they never discuss at all. Good conflict resolution is far more important for good relationships than guessing. Most people have at least some level of “weren’t brought up in exactly the same culture with exactly the same expectations and ways of communicating and preferences” and there needs to be some way to bridge that gap. I’ve always found it more comforting that people can learn how to love each other better rather than holding out for One Special Person who magically is perfect. How on earth am I supposed to find a single person out of everyone?!?! A lot more comforting to know that love can be built, if the participants are willing and trying.

While Isolde is busy getting her world demolished by “nice man is actually romantically attracted to you and will happily put effort into pleasing you and actually values you as a person”, Emmrich is ALSO getting rocked by the fact that Isolde likes him without him having to put “any” effort in. Wdym she’s more interested in holding his hand than extravagant, romantic gestures??? WDYM SHE LIKES HEARING HIM TALK? People get so irritable with him for hogging the conversational floor or haring off to talk about esoteric things, it doesn’t compute.

While Isolde does have casual friends and the ability to form decent coworker relationships, the massive disruptions in her life (orphaned age 12 and forced to put all her effort into survival, migrant worker starting at 17 who rarely stayed in one place even 9 months at a time, only settled down about 3 years ago into a camp, but even there she lost most contact with fellow City Elves and people who shared life experiences with her) mean that honestly, she does not have a lot of practice with quite a few types of conversations. She has not, for much of her life, been listened to all that much, or asked to talk about herself. (Beldan is probably the person she’s closest to, and he’s very much a “shared experiences” guy rather than a talking guy.) She’s never going to be a chatterbox, but Emmrich is definitely going to lead to her opening up a lot more.

Another point in favor of Emmrich’s unobservantness: it took him four clovers stuck in his buttonholes for him to notice lol

Emmrich doesn’t realize it, but in refusing to accept Isolde’s reassurance that she’s interested in what he’s saying, he’s acting like she’s a liar. It’s something that’s not obvious to people when they’re blithely making assumptions about how others behave/when they put themselves down, but it’s actually not comfortable when someone refuses to accept your good intentions.

Emmrich absolutely is an exceptional man… but it also makes a real difference that Isolde isn’t annoyed by his conversational style. Like… it does annoy people. That’s a real thing. Isolde’s enjoyment of it is uncommon. It’s part of why they’re a good fit though! She treasures something about him that other people don’t. The best kinds of love are the ones where people genuinely enjoy the person you are, not enjoying the relationship in spite of who you are :)

Am I vibrating in place with silent rage about people who make expressions of affection or love into a joke, haha, you have feelings, that’s so stupid? MAYBE.

Ironically, Beldan and his wife are literally the only straight people in the entire cast.

Funny thing that will never be made clear in text: Isolde likes women’s behinds and not men’s. Emmrich’s is sizeable enough to be vaguely lumped in that category XD

***

Isolde let herself sprawl comfortably, as Emmrich was doing. Idly, she plucked the puffy heads of clover from the lawn beside them and wove the flowers into Emmrich’s buttonholes. It wasn’t until she’d nestled the fourth into place that Emmrich noticed. He broke off his explanation of the particulars of routing magic through circuits.

“Ah, but I’ve gone on quite long enough about such tedious matters,” Emmrich said, and clearly began searching for a new topic of conversation.

“Tedious?” Isolde repeated, slipping another clover head in. “It’s very interesting.”

“Kind of you to say so,” Emmrich said, without any indication he believed her. “Does the mixed seasonality of Arlathan mean that you have access to all sorts of fruit year-round?”

“Yes, so long as we’re willing to travel for it,” Isolde said. “I was enjoying what you were saying. I like hearing you talk.”

“On the rare instances I remember to be brief, I’m sure,” Emmrich said with a self-conscious laugh. “You must be firm, Isolde, in telling me when I’ve spoken too long. I do forget myself.”

Isolde’s brow furrowed. It was clear he was dismissing her words entirely.

“Why would I do that? You always have such interesting things to say.”

This time it appeared to get through to him. Emmrich blinked a few times, his mouth hanging open.

“You—oh,” he said, gobsmacked.

He looked as openly shocked as he’d been at her insistence that she didn’t need a lavish picnic spread—so taken aback that it seemed he might never have heard another person say it. Isolde had a moment of scandalized indignation. Had his previous lovers abused Emmrich’s uncommon kindness and generosity, without even appreciating what an exceptional man he was?

Emmrich leaned forward, kissing Isolde gently. The delicate way he kissed, without any hint of heat, had been strange at first. But as Isolde was coming to find that she liked it, just as much as she liked his other idiosyncrasies. His way was surpassingly sweet; charming and tender, as if he’d plucked a flower and presented it to her.

When they broke apart, Isolde put a hand to his face, touching his cheek. As he had at the opera, Emmrich melted into the touch.

partial good news: I actually have another oneshot rough drafted, and a second one planned out.

It is making it so hard to think about anything else but that necromancer having it SO BAD for Rook. 🖤

I played myself, I also ended up reading all of AWLOF yesterday 😂

I purposefully put a LOT of parallels between Kell and Emmrich in! Kell is supposed to act as a direct foil to Emmrich in order to really showcase just why Emmrich is a uniquely good fit for Rook. That moment wasn't a conscious one for me (I was putting it in there to showcase 1. Kell is a decent person and not going to have an alpha blow-up over How She Should Be Treated and prioritizes Rook's well-being, even as a stranger, but 2. is not equipped to comfort Rook beyond her physical advantages as an alpha (contrast to how soothing Rook finds Emmrich) and 3. is more trying to deescalate or get Rook to simmer down rather than actually comforting her and 4. Rook does not feel comfortable actually communicating her needs to Kell most of when they're togther and 5. Kell is not reading those needs from Rook's cues.)

Things which WERE direct contrast moments though:

Kell compliments Rook's arse within half an hour of knowing her. Rook's emotional response is very negative, and she elects to push it down and pretend to be a Good Little Omega rather than communicate she doesn't like it. When Emmrich just looks at Rook with flattering interest, and Rook expresses bitterness over how people treat her for how she looks, Emmrich's immediate response is to stop looking at her body, and makes active attempts not to look again until she makes clear she's comfortable.

Both pairs kiss against the wall and are pretty rough (this actually happens in the same chapter.) Kell squeezes Rook hard enough to hurt and casually marks her; Emmrich, despite being in rut, actively stops himself and lets her go because he's concerned he can't be gentle or attentive enough.

Kell comments Rook "doesn't smell like much." Emmrich is so attentive to her scent (he's down bad lol) that he can spot her from across a crowded room with scent alone.

Kell tears Rook's blouse off, actively destroying multiple buttons. Emmrich goes one button at a time, worshipping every newly exposed inch of skin.

Both Kell and Emmrich trigger Rook during sex. Kell is nonplussed and put out that sex isn't happening; Emmrich only really cares if Rook is alright. (Admittedly he's also blaming himself way more than he should about it, but Rook works with him on that later)

(They also both pin her to the bed. Kell doesn't even note that Rook is upset by this; Emmrich picks up on it and stops, and Rook isn't even actively aware she's distressed, like she was aware when Kell did it!)

Emmrich considers cuddling with Rook "a treat". Kell purposefully avoids doing it the first time they had sex (in her defense, emotional intimacy after finding out the other person is a Handful is definitely not the same thing as having sex after you find that out.)

Rook gives both Kell and Emmrich gifts; Kell doesn't know what to make of it (and still isn't sure if she wants to get closer or not.) Emmrich is openly delighted and even dries out the flowers she gave him so they'd keep for longer

Both Kell and Emmrich are purposefully soft for Rook. It just happens that it doesn't come as naturally to Kell (and she's doing it for different motivations-- Emmrich doesn't think Rook is fragile, he's just averse to hurting her and is aware it would be easy to do so.)

Kell is nonplussed about Rook's alpha tendencies. Emmrich is alpha4alpha and he's SO down bad about it.

They both like her curves, but Emmrich is the one to appreciate her muscles, and that is the physical trait Rook actually takes pride in. Emmrich also notably compliments her on a wider range of things-- undeniably a lot of them are physical (his first positive comments are on her scent, skin, and muscles) but also makes clear he enjoys her wit and boldness

Both having dark eyes: makes clear that Rook isn't just biased for anyone with dark eyes, she's crazy about Emmrich's because they're his.

And some happy accidents:

Emmrich's first spoken lines to Rook are indicating (twice, over-eagerly lol) that he would like to be of assistance/service to her. Kell's technically calls Rook a thing. ("Professor Emmrich Volkarin, at your service. Can I be of assistance?" "Some things are worth waiting for.")

Hilariously, Rook introduces both of them to Lontano. Emmrich's intro was way more positive lol

This section actually appears in Rook’s original narration! Chapter 6: “…leaning hard against the counter as he thrusts into her, kissing the back of her neck, Rook begging him incoherently to bite her…”

Emmrich lost track of time; this was probably day 5 or even 6. Despite him making references to his impaired thinking (which it notably is), his cognition is beginning to bounce back from the worst of the sympathetic rut impairment.

Rook’s family is a minority ethnicity in Nevarra, and her first language isn’t originally from the region.

Prioritizing an omega’s needs over your own is an alpha impulse; it’s part of the “taking care of other people” package (which can get overbearing when the alpha isn’t taking stock of what the omega actually needs…)

“Rook… said something sharp and urgent”: it was “Bite me.” Feeling pressure close to where an alpha would bite is driving her crazy.

The alpha urge to bite tends to peak right before climax, so Emmrich purposefully edging himself (in his attempt to satisfy Rook) is making matters worse.

Also, notably, in my canon, rounds of fucking during heats/ruts tend to be pretty quick. Friction isn’t to be played around with. Emmrich is fighting with all he’s got to make them last five minutes rather than two.

“Rook let out another spate of words Emmrich didn’t understand” more begging to be bitten, which is admittedly pretty incoherent and desperate. He’s CORRECTLY interpreting what she’s saying.

It doesn’t happen every time (sometimes it’ll trigger sexual excitement/more ejaculation instead) but pressure on a knot (like Rook coming, for instance) can trigger an oxytocin rush. Emmrich is getting clocked upside the head with a LOT of bonding chemicals.

Rook is, of course, so cuddly because she’s functionally having a honeymoon period with a new mate (who she thinks is devastatingly wonderful)

Alpha caring instinct is strongly reinforced, neurotransmitter-wise, by bursts of pleasure when an omega is content, relaxed, or pleased. It’s even stronger for mates—and by this point, Emmrich and Rook are actually bonded. (There’s also a converse: alphas get more actively upset if their omega is scared or in pain, compared to our more usual person-person empathy. Mirror neurons and cascade effects of empathy fire a lot more strongly.)

Yeah as soon as Rook’s higher-level thinking shut off, she immediately gave into instincts and piled her whole linen cupboard and every soft thing in her house on her bed. They’re practically lying in the bed at this point.

Emmrich has absolutely no feelings about Rook making them a nest and meticulously arranging things on his side to maximize his comfort. Nope. None.

It’s definitely funny though, because I mean. Human pregnancies are long. The nesting instinct commonly kicks in during the third trimester. It’s much rarer to have a flare of it during the conception stage lol. It’s not weird (it’s just kind of an Omega Thing) but it’s definitely Unusual (it’s not exactly an Omega Thing For Attracting Alphas.) Emmrich figures it’s just a part of her hormones going really crazy given how long they were repressed for

Spoiler: it’s actually because Rook really wants his babies and is functionally going “HERE IS WHERE WE WILL RAISE OUR BEAUTIFUL AND NUMEROUS CHILDREN. I’M READY.” Time awareness isn’t at its strongest during a heat.

“if Emmrich were young enough to be a possibility” is there entirely for dramatic irony. In the running… dude, you already won…

I’m not actually sure that Qunari have omegaverse dynamics in this world. This might be the most nonplussed Qunari imaginable. Please picture it.

“…before he’d even realized he’d made a decision” – overactive alpha instincts. Emmrich becomes pretty… solicitous, when around heat pheromones. Wellbeing of the omega gets cranked up to a ridiculous priority level.

Ironically, Rook’s “openly affectionate nature” that Emmrich uses for a point of comparison is ALSO because she likes him a lot. Same as her easy-going mood.

Nope, the bites are still because you’re taking such good care of her, Emmrich. LET HER PUT A RING ON IT (not your cock. Take that one off.)

There wasn’t a good way to put it in the stage direction (it’s not something Emmrich would make a comment on) but the specific way that Rook touches Emmrich’s cheek during the massage, and Emmrich turning into it, is actually an alpha gesture on her part with an omega response on his. Which he notably enjoys. It’s just that right this moment, the emotional connection is the more important thing for him, not the gender dynamics.

Rook is oblivious to all this, obviously. She is SO blissed out on 15 orgasms and loving tender touch from hot alpha man.

Rook is still experiencing early-heat levels of libido, but Emmrich’s body is already transitioning over to the later-stage, where bonding activities is more common. He’s still able to be aroused as often as she is (on account of her being devastatingly attractive) but he’s primed to react strongly to bonding activities like cuddling or petting—hence why he spends so much of this oneshot wanting to be pressed up against her and feeling intense emotions about cuddling. It’s also intensifying his desire to please her over coming himself.

“raw despair flashed on her face, a profound sadness that pierced through Emmrich’s ribs.” – she wants him for herself so bad :( it’s only in these moments just before she bites that she has flashes of clarity that he’s not hers and she’s not allowed to have him. The rest of the time she’s bobbing along thinking that he’s already her mate.

The worst of Rook’s trauma was semi-suffocating, pinned to a bed, during her initial, disastrous heat. By this point though, her trust in Emmrich is so rock solid that her trigger doesn’t ping around him. It feels like such a different context to her that the old fears don’t register.

Emmrich probably ended up knotting Rook four times as much as his average for assisting heats. She reallllly likes and wants it. There’s at least one time they ended up spending two consecutive hours knotted because they keep fooling around before his knot fully went down and whoops, knotted again….

This one also explains why Emmrich didn’t leave early. He didn’t WANT to go, not even when he realized how long they’d been holed up.

Re: rook’s language, now I’m imagining Emmrich having a chat with Rook’s family and mixing up his words/using some of Rook’s heated vocabulary instead of what he means to say (a la “lovely dinner” turns into “fantastic cock” or something else as silly)

It's a little hard to map this one, because language is so deeply shaped by political and geographic forces and the state of Thedas's non-European worldbuilding is laughable... but I was drawing on China as the primary influence for Rook and Rook's family! It wouldn't actually be Mandarin or Cantonese, it'd be a much less widely spoken, regional variant (bearing in mind that this world is pre-national language stage and Thedas hasn't done the language suppression required to have so many people speak so few languages yet). Before the modern era, it wasn't unheard of for an immigrant group to get siloed and form a [Immigrant Ethnicity Name] Quarter or -town. So while Rook's ancestors vary in how long they've been in Nevarra (one notably traces 4 generations back, although he married a more recent immigrant), her first language was still that Sinitic language equivalent. Rook leads a pretty assimilated life herself, but her parents were a bit less so.

UNBELIEVABLY BAD YEAH