~Side blog~

I've been thinking of how to show my appreciation for a long time now. I started engaging with Berserk back when the Golden Age movies were available on Netflix. This was back in, I think 2018-2019, and while the world was going through Covid I was undergoing hospital visits for a chronic, incurable, disease. Feeling hopeless and so incredibly bored, I had heard about Berserk but hadn't given it a watch yet. I'm so glad I did. I don't have anything new or insightful to say, so many other fans have created video essays, art pieces, and even meaningful cosplays to show their love for the series. But just like any other fan, I really do love this series.

So instead of being all high I.Q about it, enjoy this "old woman yells at clouds" kind of rambling review.

I appreciate that if you go find interviews about what stuff inspired Berserk, Miura credits and accepts the comparison of Berserk with Shojo Manga. The idea that certain genres are strictly for one gender and that the two can't mix is, thankfully, one going out of fashion. In most recent memory, the mangaka for DanDaDan said he was told to read 100 Shojo titles because his ideas were too depressive (or something of that nature) I feel that the less one restricts, the more inspiration can be pulled from all different kinds of sources.

There is so much blood and gore and GUTS in Berserk. Body horror, Cosmic horror, real life no joke fun horror. It's distressing, it's exciting, it's all great. But Berserk really does shine with it's quieter moments.

The relationships Guts manages to create with the Band of the Hawks, after suffering child abuse and complex dynamics, to losing all of that in the end after the Eclipse is gutting. But only because Miura created these pockets of quiet reflection and readers got to truly get this sense of people coming together.

What I love is how different the big three are. Guts, Casca, and Griffith. I don't think there's any comparison to that devastating triangle they got going on. At least, I haven't read/seen it yet. Casca going from despising Guts growing to like and then love Guts. Guts growing more comfortable with others, and falling in love with Casca. Griffith in this eternal state of cucking himself and cucking others (he deserves it) it's all so fun to read and be a part of the disaster.

If you are of the opinion that her character sucks LEAVE. I love my men beefy, but I love my girls to be the best they can be!!!! That scene where the band rides through town and Casca has women swooning for her? YEAH, THATS ACTUALLY ME! In this world of lacking female representation, Casca is top tier. Beautiful in and out of armor, confident in her abilities and respected by her male peers who liken her to an older sister. As a woman, watching her be a badass but not completely devoid of femineity, is truly awesome to see. Her journey up until the Eclipse was a pleasure to see.

Now, taking off my woke glasses, there are certain moments involving her that I do have thoughts on. Whenever the subject of sexualization in manga comes up I see fans criticizing certain moments of the manga. Casca isn't an exception to the evils of the world Berserk takes place in. Girls and young women are taken and abused by just the most vile of creatures. It gives me the ick, the whole Princess Charlotte thing and her Dad .

Her first meeting with Griffith happens after he saves her from a man that was going to abuse her. Her last meeting with Griffith (Before becoming Femto) is left ambiguous. I have trouble reading it as either him blatantly coming on to her out of jealousy or simply wanting to cling to the dynamic they had once before. The one where he was in control of her admiration and loyalty of him. I feel no matter which interpretation you take, the fact that the man she idolized thought to do something to still keep her attached to him, when she has so obviously started to move on from, hurts.

I haven't gotten to the stuff after the Eclipse yet. I need to get on that and read the manga. But I know a couple of things and I wish Casca got to her own person. Griffith has his dreams, Guts has his own too that involve Casca, but I dont know what HER dream is. What does SHE want? She keeps the Band of the Hawk together after Griffith's fall because she is their remaining leadership and these are her men. After the Eclipse she reverts to a shell of her former self carrying a LOT of trauma.

I may be blind and braindead though. If her dreams were said, they weren't said clear enough for me. Let me know whatever I missed, please. Because when I think of Casca I see this wonderful, strong, female lead but I cannot for the life of me recall what she wanted. She's even referred as Griffith's sword during her service with the group. Out of her loyalty and willingness to execute any task, but still reduced to a tool used by a man that rose high to nobility.

Justice for Casca. GIRL GET OUT OF THAT BL SITUATIONSHIP RUUUN!!!!!!!!!

You deserve a mangaka that doesn't hate you. All creators are most cruel to their creations. Props to Miura. To this day, I still find people reading Berserk for the first time being shocked of the shit he went through as a child. The manga opens, you think he's this edgy Seinen protagonist and the layers peel back the more you read. If reading didn't sell you on the truth that this is a sweet boy at heart, the beautiful theme of his will absolutely help. It sounds so cold but feels so gentle.

Seeing him realize he can be much more than a sword and be an actual person was touching. So many people can leave their marks, good and bad, and all of it helps to shape the kind of person one chooses to be. The stuff he had to suffer through left him scared of trusting others. His role model failing him deeply left him directionless and all he knew was to fight to earn his keep. He bites the hand that feeds because he knew no more than abuse. If anyone deserves to be hit by the Bisexual agenda, it's him. Coming home to a beautiful strong wife and a beautiful twink husband, both baddies, he deserved the life of peace that comes with it.

So funny that if Griffith kept his mouth shut and didn't spout that bullshit about a true equal, he wouldn't have unknowingly inspired Guts to finally take his life in his own hands. While Casca stays loyal to Griffith, it's so bittersweet that Guts sets off on his journey just to be quals with Griffith. Loyal in his own way because, truly, the bonds he made affected him that much. He grew comfortable with being depended upon by his men, he trusted his comrades and their skill. He gets angry when the people in his care are held up.

That conversation with Casca, the bonfire of dreams, I'm sure that that's either the moment she feel for him or a big part of it. Boy used all the brain power he has to say something so beautifully worded. Maybe he picked up a Shojo vol sometime during the campaign lol.

Destined to be the male lead of a romance, forced into cosmic consequences of immense magnitude (all of it his fault)

"Why Couldnt you have just been satisfied with staring at the castle from afar?" Granny, there are rapists, murderers, and rapist murderers in these cobblestone streets!!!!! Griffith should have just punted her into the abyss.

Dude, fuck the Golden Age movies for not including the river scene with Casca. When I read that it shocked me. If you watch the movies, i think it's the third one, during the siege of Doldrey it's pretty obvious the weird obsession the King of the Tudor's has with Griffith. The servants he keeps all resemble Griffith and he's anythign BUT chill when whining to Boscogn about capturing Griffith ALIVE. That was fine.

But reading the manga (or watching the old Anime), it's explained better. Griffith cleaning himself in the river, clawing at himself and calling himself dirty for what he had to do, ugh, you poor thing. There's this aura surrounding him of being untouchable, enhanced by his reputation in and out of the band, that lends itself well to the story. That child like innocence, the admiration of his closest friends and allies, the words he uses to play head games with. Until you realize he is also not an exception to the cruelties inflicted on those who have no other means to gain what they want, it's all saddening.

Guts and Casca, the whole band itself, form this strong sense of kinship and have bonded through all of the hardships they faced. Griffith is there, but that's just it. He's their leader so of course he's celebrating their victories as well, but whether consciously or not, he remains as this figure that exists in another realm all together. Victim of his own aura. Must be hard to connect with others if they are either glazing you or straight up hating your guts.

I enjoyed reading Berserk during the Golden Age more than watching it. Probably due to it being something I can consume at my own pace with the creator's original intent. I truly think Griffith didn't mean all or most of his actions but, in for a penny in for a pound. Men who foolishly play along with a child's game, aren't people he takes pity on.

I would crash the fuck out too if I lost a walking beef cake, especially one that was the pivotal tool to achieve my dreams. Having sex with a princess while thinking of them though? That's hella gay. Losing the mind, the body, and in some views the soul, would certainly be a breaking point. This once awe inspiring figure reduced to wasting away and failing to free himself from his suffering, tragic.

if you chose to see Femto as a separate thing or as a part of Griffith is up to you. Personally, I ignore that alter ego all together. Griffith in his journey leading up to that transformation is, to me, much more interesting.

Susumu Hirasawa....every media I end up enjoying gets blessed by his hands. It's him and Hiroyuki Sawano that are always the culprits as to why I enjoy certain anime tracks. While watching Paprika I thought "This sounds a lot like something I'd hear in Berserk". While playing Ruiner, the theme that plays while exploring Rengkok City, peak. It's just so peak. Hai Forces is the best way to prepare for anything too overwhelming. Can't avoid feeling pumped to get shit done after listening to it.

The opening and ending theme to the original anime made me laugh I wont lie. The cheesy, Japanese accent heavy Engrish, with lyrics that don't really make sense just sticks with you after a while. The ending theme holds so much sadness. I laughed cause of how depressing it sounded. Listening to it again, at another gray cloud moment of my life, Im filled with this melancholic sadness. I didn't understand it then, I still don't, but at least I feel it now.

I can't find a gif for my other favorite moment of the movie, I love the party moment. It's the last hoorah and final curtain to a long and difficult campaign. You can feel how happy everyone is to have finally achieved what they fought so hard for. Unknowing that it's the real end to their story. Seeing Guts and Casca actually have fun as two people who grew up knowing only to fight for someone's benefit is wonderful. Again, I wish Casca had come to see herself as her own person with her own dreams. Maybe in another world she too would have figured out something new to chase after.

The other scene that resonated with me is after the Eclipse, after the nightmare Guts watches the men he's led and trusted ride on without him. The friends he gave his all to and who gave their all to him. Who ignored his closed off nature and the shitty attitude he had and included him in their celebrations. Losing that support system, followed up by Casca's crippling mental condition, it's no surprise he throws caution to the wind and sets out on his one man crusade against the demons that took away the people that helped shape him into his own person.

~Closing thoughts~

The manga is finishing. Are you truly a Berserk Fan if you weren't in the trenches with everyone during the hiatus? This story has gone on to inspire many creatives across the world in multiple medias. Elden Ring is one of my favorite videogames and you best believe I went to find the giant ass sword. It's Dlc, Shadow of the Erdtree, borrows some visuals like the bodies hanging from the trees. Ruiner has some stuff like the brand of sacrifice as a pin for one of it's characters.

When talking about communities, the online space can be so polarizing depending on who is talking about what. Some fans are critical, some read/watch with their eyes closed. I have the memory of a goldfish so don't think I'm excluding myself amongst the blind.

But while working my retail job, I happened to get a couple that came in wearing Berserk merch. Easiest conversation starter I had. They told me they did cosplays together, one mostly does the costumes and the other loves wearing them. A coworker saw my Berserk keychain and was interested enough to ask about it.

Media can connect people together in many different ways and Berserk is the truest form of that. We are all just small dream fires coming, occasionally coming together to form a bigger fire.

Watching the movies while recovering from surgery, enduring whatever came because Guts endured whatever came, is powerful stuff. More people need stories or experiences like this, this world is rough.

Getting the mushy stuff out first. I fear nothing will top this anime for me. I'm mostly rewatching season 4 just case I wanted to feel something again. When the anime dropped, I must've been somewhere in middle school. 2013 is a year I vaguely remember as is, but I definitely remember watching the anime with my siblings and later geeking with friends. Two of my friends were avid readers of the manga, I chose to wait for the anime to catch up.........so long of a wait lol. When season 4 was announced I had dropped off the hype train. Life got busy and I am stupidly patient. In order to truly appreciate the show however, I got together with a friend over Discord, and we binged seasons 2 & 3.

Season 4 was amazing. Re watching it now still gives me the same sense of awe as it did then. I find myself missing these characters, it feels like seeing old friends again. Isayama needs to cook again but I totally understand if this series is enough for him. Series like these make me wonder what goes on in the mind of a creator. Making such a wonderful story, compelling characters, and twists must be exhausting.

With the mushy nostalgia aside, I can now give my honest thoughts about the show as I remember it and go through the rewatch.

This is absolutely my favorite Shonen series. It feels odd saying that because this definitely doesn't feel like a shonen series. With some digging online the definitive answer is that it's shonen but in a demographic standpoint. A reddit user writes in a thread;

"The way I've always thought of SnK is that it's a story with a shonen protagonist that is trapped in a seinen story."

I agree with it. The way the show progressed stopped feeling like it was aimed for young audiences. If it ever was at all to begin with. I think that adds on to the charm of the series for those that experienced it as it came out. It sort of feels like it grew up along with the audiences. The childish expectation Eren puts on himself, the one we as an audience expect as well, grows far beyond the walls. "Yeah! Let's just get to the basement and kill all the titans. The city will be saved!" Oh, my sweet summer child....

If only life were that simple.

I might be of the few that share this sentiment, but I think that Isayama did good work with Eren. Considering how much he struggled to flesh out the character, not having a clue until he heard Eren's VA in the anime, I would say he did well. It's hard to give an ending that will satisfy everyone. I remember seeing discussions online about whether or not the anime was going to follow through with the manga's ending. In those threads, many shared the thought that if Isayama had taken a break that maybe a more solid ending could have been made.

If you are even remotely aware of how crazy the manga industry is with its artists, or even just how brutal the work culture is in Japan, chances are you too would advocate for better work standards. It's such a competitive scene. I will always agree with the sentiment that mangakas, and their talented team, deserve time for themselves.

Truly, I think the ending was perfect for what it ended up being. Eren is consistently shown to be a character of extremes who, at his core, meant to do the right thing. The series was never going to have a happy ending anyways. I like that Isayama stayed true to his writing style even when the chips were down.

Eren activating the rumbling by telling Ymir to crash out after a billion years of servitude, making himself out to be the villain so that humanity could rally against one enemy in particular and not Paradis, doing all this and more just so that the people he cares about could finally live their lives in peace? Peak. If Isayama had more time to cook this baby out, we could have had something phenomenal, but as it stands now this is gold.

I do have my gripes with the series. It's hard to see through the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia, more so when I was only watching the anime and not reading the manga. I believe that in order to truly give critic, one should consume the whole series. Budget constraints, the timing between seasons, what gets adapted vs what doesn't, there are a lot of factors to consider that I just won't have time to cover. Manga readers are able to give critics that are worthwhile because they get it from the source. But uh, some people also don't fully grasp the media they are reading so, take that with a hint of salt.

As much as I love how stupidly hilarious the reveal Reiner gives to Eren about being the reason his life got fucked over, it could have been done better. Perhaps the aim was to make the audience as bewildered as Eren or as shocked as Berthold. I thought the fish can thing was a good hint considering there is no seafood in Paradis. That sneaky build up to then just up and confess on a wall.... beautiful. Berthold deserves a billion years of peace.

Ymir not ending up with Historia.............my yuri........Would have been fine if Historia ended up alone or got with someone we actually knew and not some rando farmer that threw shit at her to get her attention.

The War Hammer Titan BARELY getting used and being, imo, one of the UGLIEST designs was so dumb. Felt like a throw away addition in the anime. "Here's the War Hammer Titan.....anyways!" The cast was already pretty stacked by that point. I just wish we got more time with that new titan class. We get 1 fight against it and nothing else.

I'm sure there are more thorns for me to pick at that I just cannot remember off the top of my head.

I don't actually ship these two together but their bond means so much to me. Rewatching the earlier seasons and leading up to their last moment together in season 4....painful. Sasha's death hurt me, but to this day Hange's makes me tear up. ESPECIALLY when the soundtrack pauses just long enough until the airplane engine kicks in. I only wish the anime made Levi look more conflicted or distraught over her death but I also understand that, by this point, both of them understood it needed to be done. I still wish we got even a tear shed, but his moment with the ghosts of his former regimen towards the end makes up for it I feel.

~Final Thoughts~

I love this show so much. Unironically, it is very hard for me to talk about this show without sounding like a fangirl. I wanted to ramble on and on. Main takeaways are;

This show is great.

There might never be another one like it.

This is such a good series. I think I feel so strongly about it because of how hectic work and life have been. Watching these two come together for smoke breaks, forming a friendship that blooms into a romance, has so far been a pleasant experience.

First thing that we get is the obvious age difference. I can't keep track of Sasaki's age, everywhere I look it changes. 45-48 somewhere in that range. I like the way he is careful and considerate to Yamada. Despite being older he isn't wiser and doesn't pretend to be. At work and out of it, he's a genuinely good person. One that cares about newbie coworkers, his own peers, and still continues to do his work as diligently as possible. I don't mean to compare or demean other magaka's, I just feel that it would have been easy to write a character like him in a more typical/stereotype way. Old pervy man who visits the store after work for the big chest cashier. I just adore that instead of what one usually finds in characters like these, the draw is him genuinely finding her admirable. Always giving it her all at work and it gives him the energy to face the next day. Becoming his idol and putting her on a pedestal.

Yamada's alter ego, Tayama, is so fun. I love her look and her demeanor. Super cool but not trying to be. Her teasing nature, playful, sweet, kind and considerate, but not something infantil is refreshing. I honestly expected her to have been older, and still think that would have made for a fun twist. At 24, she isn't naive nor helpless. I love watching her development the most. The trope of "A fell first but B fell harder later" can't be beat. Again, at risk of making comparisons, there are so many ways other magakas would have taken her character and spun it. Kept her cutesy persona, made her Tayama ego a wild girl, so many different ways and yet the Mangaka here keeps this level of sincerity and maturity to her that is so nice to see. She isn't a different person in or outside of work. She treats her coworkers the same in and out of the job, she's dependable and hard working. The only difference between Yamada and Tayama is the uniform.

At first the series starts off short and sweet. I watched the anime adaptation, the mini episodes are, barely, 20 mins if I remember correctly. But the characters leave such a lasting impression, I just had to find more. I went looking online and ended up binging the whole thing in a matter of days. As I write this, chapter 62 is the most recent update and I am in shambles.

One of the biggest gripes I have with slice of life romances is that, typically, misunderstandings happen and it creates drama that the main leads need to resolve. Usually at the expense of either the situation being completely unavoidable or the characters get shafted in a certain way that makes it obvious that the author just needed to create something for the sake of it. Of which I won't knock on. Stirring up drama elements to your plot helps retain readers.

For this series, I feel like the plot was structured and set on a clear course. Obvious but that's the point. "When will Sasaki realize that the girl he smokes with is actually Yamada?" "Will Yamada come clean or will the lie continue?" As a reader, watching all this unfold and rise to a boiling point has been super fun. Their bond has grown in such a way that feels sincere and I, along many fans, are so invested to see how it concludes. There are misunderstandings but both are adults and both of them communicate in a healthy manner that nothing feels dragged on.

Which brings me to my next and final point in the ramble

I am very curious about how the ending is going to play out. I say ending because we are reaching that point and I don't know what could follow up the obvious question of "Will Yamada tell the truth?" Already we know that Sasaki-san knows and is willing to wait however long needed for Yamada to feel comfortable enough herself. We broke off from the obvious direction into something more interesting. Having the ball in her court and having her come clean to him directly is, I think, a great move.

I love angst. The ride up to this point has been very fun for me. I love that they deal with things in a mature way. If this series was made up of fake blow ups or pointless drama, I would have dropped it. The mangaka, Jinusi, has definitely gained my appreciation and trust. I hope that once this story concludes they continue with a new project. Would love to read more works, be it similar to this one or completely different. If by some miracle this rambling manages to find its way to their screen, PLEASE!!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU MAKE THEM GO OUT ON A PROPER DATE!!!

Final Thoughts

I'm glad that manga/anime has evolved in a more mature direction. Not every story has to be serious, nor does every character have to be written in specific ways. I love the way Sasaki-san is gentle and considerately navigates his relationship with someone younger. I love the way Yamada falls in love and struggles to come clean about her identity once shit feels real. I love knowing that we live in a world where such stories can be treated with sincerity/maturity. Any other Mangaka would make Sasaki a perv or hypersexualize Yamada's alter ego. Stories like that can serve a purpose, but when handled right.

Maybe saying it has grown is the wrong thing to say. I'm older now and have some life experiences now. There are things that I enjoy and stuff I don't that I can clearly identify. When I first came upon this series I was just looking for something new to add to my manga collection. I'm absolutely going to start collecting the volumes and will be supporting the creator in earnest.

Fav Panels that I just couldn't resist screenshotting and artwork from Jinusi, whom you can follow on Twitter r @jinusi822 and Instagram instagram.com/jinusi822/

I watched the Golden Age movies before watching the anime cause they were on Netflix. Such a good read. Makes me want to own the whole collection. ;-; at 50 dollars each book though, ouch.

Reading this very much felt like a strength build player running into dungeons while their magic caster co-op stresses out.

I wonder what fun shenanigans the boys will get up to : D