#sasaki

He doesn’t go to his apartment; he goes to an entirely different building. He presses the buzzer for a specific room and the front door unlocks almost immediately. He lets himself in, goes up to the stairs, and approaches that specific room. He opens the door, knowing it’s been unlocked for him.

“I’m back,” he says.

“Welcome back!” Yamada chimes, right there waiting to meet him. Her bright smile miraculously washes away all of Sasaki’s stress.

“Good work today,” she says, closing the door behind him. “You must be tired. What would you like first? Dinner? A bath? Or…me?”

Her bright smile turns mischievous as she leans against his chest and loosens his tie. Sasaki flinches, turning bright red.

“Yamada-san…” he groans wearily.

Yamada giggles, stepping back. “Sorry. I need a pick me up too, y’know. Come on, I got your dinner ready.”

She takes his hand- which still sends a thrill up his spine- and leads him further into her apartment to the dining area. They sit on either end of the small table. In front of Sasaki is a plate of supermarket sushi and rice.

“Thank you very much for the food,” he says and digs in. This was all made at the store, but the fact that Yamada bought and prepared it for him makes it taste ten times better.

“So how was work?” she asks. “You look tired. Was your boss a jerk again?”

“As usual,” Sasaki sighs. “But none of that matters now.”

He gazes across the table as Yamada lights a cigarette. Her hair is down, spilling past her shoulders like an auburn waterfall. She’s only wearing a small tanktop and shorts, showing off her flawless skin. She’s sitting so casually, with one knee up. She seems so comfortable in his presence. It makes Sasaki’s heart quicken.

She catches him staring and he quickly looks away, embarrassed. “Uh um, actually something kinda interesting did happen.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“Well, my coworkers were able to guess that um… that I’m… you know… s-seeing someone…”

Yamada takes a drag on her cigarette. “Ah. You mean they sussed out you have a girlfriend, huh?”

“Y-yes…” Sasaki feels his ears burn. Even though they’ve been dating for a few weeks, he still has trouble calling Yamada his girlfriend.

“How’d they figure it out?” she asks, smirking. “Were you staring at a picture of me on your phone?”

“N-no! I don’t do that when there are people around…” Sasaki mumbles. “No, Suzuki said something about me being in a…a good mood every morning…or something…”

Yamada’s grin widens. “Ah, I see. So waking up next to me in the mornings makes you so happy that your coworker thought it was weird.”

“Yeah…” Sasaki admits, his whole body feeling like it’s on fire as Yamada laughs.

“Ah, well,” she sighs, snubbing her cigarette in her ashtray. “You’re the one who didn’t want them to know about me. I’m fine either way. I mean, my coworkers know about you.”

“Our work environments are very different,” Sasaki grunts.

Yamada’s smile drops, put off by how serious he suddenly is. “Right. I wouldn’t want to make things awkward for you.”

Sasaki looks up at her. “Yamada-san,” he says, reaching across the table to grab her hand. She looks at him with surprise. He rarely initiates touch.

“I hope you understand, I am not trying to keep you a secret because I am in any way embarrassed or ashamed of you,” he explains. “The people at my office love to gossip. I would hate for them to talk bad about you when they don’t even know you.”

Yamada stares at him before smiling softly, her fingers lacing through his. “My coworkers like to talk too, you know.”

“Huh, a-about me?”

“Not the ones who know you, obviously, like Kami or Oba- er, well, Kami still likes to make fun of you. But some of the other cashiers who’ve seen you have been gossiping. They think it’s creepy I’m dating someone older than me.”

Sasaki flinches like he’s been punched in the stomach. “We-well, that’s understandable. And also what I’m worried about happening at my office.”

“But I don’t care what they say,” Yamada insists, taking his hand with both of hers. “It doesn’t change anything about my feelings towards you.”

Sasaki feels like he could float away right now as Yamada smiles at him. The way she’s able to make all of his worries just vanish without even trying still astounds him.

“Well, I suppose if you’re okay with it, I can at least tell Suzuki about you,” he says. “I never admitted anything today but knowing him he’ll just keep hounding me til I do.”

“How about a double date?” Yamada suggests.

“Huh?”

“You’ve said he’s married, right? A double date could be a good way for him to meet me.”

“Ah…are you sure? Suzuki can be kind of… a lot.”

“You’ve met my coworkers,” Yamada smirks. “I can handle a lot. Besides, I’d like to meet him too.”

Sasaki smiles, somewhat uncertain. “Well…alright. I’ll bring it up to him tomorrow.”

“Good. Now finish your dinner.”

She lets go of his hand and he slowly retracts it back across the table. He wishes she would keep holding it though- not that he would ever admit that.

---

Sasaki and Yamada stand in the alley beside a bar downtown. It’s dark but the street is bustling with city nightlife.

Sasaki takes a long drag on his cigarette, sighing as he exhales the smoke.

“You nervous?” Yamada asks.

“Wh-why do you think I’m nervous?” Sasaki questions.

“Cause this is your third smoke and we haven’t even been waiting ten minutes.”

“Ah…” he sighs and puts it out in the public ashtray beside him. “I just… I don’t know how he’s gonna feel about you. He seemed a little put off when I told him about you, especially when I mentioned…the age difference. I just hope he likes you as much as I do.”

“Well, if he likes me as much as you, that might be a problem,” Yamada remarks, “especially since he’s married.”

“Ghk, that’s not what I-.”

“But don’t worry,” she adds, pointing to her face as she smiles her bright, award-winning smile. “I’ll just use my cashier persona and he won’t be able to not love me.”

“No, I don’t want that either!” Sasaki insists.

“Oh? You want to keep that smile all to yourself, huh?” she grins mischievously, leaning against arm. “Sasaki-san, you minx.”

“Yamada-san,” he groans, blushing. But he quickly shakes off her teasing. “I don’t want you to hide any part of yourself. I want him to like you for you, like I do.”

Yamada’s smile fades and she looks away. “…and what if he doesn’t?”

Sasaki takes Yamada’s hand and raises it to his lips, gently kissing her fingers. “Then he’s missing out.”

Yamada stares at him with surprise, a light blush on her cheeks, before smirking. “Sasaki-san, PDA? Normally you’re against that.”

Sasaki blushes, looking away. “We-well, no one is looking at us...”

She laces her fingers through his and leans her head on his shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

His shoulders ease up as his thumb rubs her hand. “Not as long as you’re with me.”

Down the street, Suzuki and his wife begin to approach. They spot Sasaki waiting in the alley beside the bar they agreed to meet at. He’s hard to miss, even with the surrounding crowd, given how tall he is.

“He’s already here,” Suzuki’s wife says. “I told you we’d be late.”

“Nah, it’s just because Sasaki is always early,” Suzuki grunts. “Now where is…?”

He stops when he spots the girl on the other side of Sasaki. She really does look young, and pretty. Totally out of Sasaki’s lead. But they’re holding hands, and Sasaki is smiling at her with such a blatant fondness.

Suzuki’s eyes narrow.

“Sasaki-san!” his wife calls out, waving.

Sasaki looks up and smiles. “Keiko-san.”

He steps out of the alley to meet her as she approaches. She’s a pretty, proper woman with long black hair tied in a tight bun. He’s met her a few times in the past- when she and Suzuki were dating, at their wedding, and a handful of times since then.

Keiko takes Sasaki’s hand, smiling brightly. “It’s been a while. How have you been, Sasaki-san?”

“I’m well,” he replies, smiling back. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yes, you too. Sorry we’re late. Suzuki-kun couldn’t decide what jacket to wear.”

“Keiko-chan,” Suzuki whines as he comes up beside her.

Sasaki laughs and looks at Yamada as she steps up next to him. “Ah, Yamada-san, this is my coworker Suzuki, and his wife Keiko. Suzuki, Keiko-san, this my g-girlfriend, Yamada.”

The couple stare at her for a second. Yamada stares back before bursting into a big smile. “It’s nice to meet you!”

Suzuki and Keiko are briefly taken aback, nearly blinded by her smile that’s brighter than the streetlamps.

“It’s lovely to meet you too,” Keiko replies, smiling back and shaking Yamada’s hand. “I was so excited when Suzuki-kun told me Sasaki-san wanted to go on a double date. I don’t remember the last time he had a girlfriend.”

“Keiko-san…” Sasaki mutters.

“Oops, sorry,” she chimes. “Come on, let’s go inside already.”

She leads the way into the bar, the others following close behind. As they do so, Yamada catches Suzuki glaring at her suspiciously.

They take their seats at a table and order a round of drinks. As everyone takes their glass, Suzuki cocks his eyebrow at Yamada. “Are you sure you’re old enough to drink?”

“Suzuki,” Sasaki hisses.

“Wanna see my ID?” Yamada questions. “I bet I could out drink everyone here.”

“Well, youngsters do tend to have a higher metabolism.”

Sasaki glares at Suzuki as Keiko clears her throat. “So how did you two meet?”

Yamada smiles at her. “Sasaki-san is a regular at the supermarket where I work. He would always come to my register, even if there was a line.”

“You don’t have to mention that part…” Sasaki mutters with embarrassment.

Suzuki blinks with surprise. “Wait…that’s why you were always buying unnecessary things? Because of her?”

“It’s not like she was…making me,” Sasaki replies, “I just…liked to see her work.”

“I’m his pick me up,” Yamada says.

“That’s so cute,” Keiko comments. “And when did you start dating?”

“Only about a month ago,” Yamada replies. “But we’ve been friends for years. We would always talk behind the store.”

“How sweet.”

Suzuki continues to glare at Yamada suspiciously before finally asking, “so are you like a gold digger?”

“Suzuki!” Sasaki snaps.

“Suzuki-kun!” Keiko scolds

“It’s an honest question,” Suzuki states.

Yamada meets his eyes with a steely glare of her own. “It’s not like Sasaki-san has a lot of money for me to take advantage of,” she points out, irking Sasaki, though he can’t argue. “Why do you ask?”

“I just cannot fathom why someone as young as you would be interested in him,” Suzuki explains. “He’s kind of naive and too trusting. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was being led on.”

“Suzuki…” Sasaki growls, but stops when he feels Yamada’s hand on his, right on the table, for everyone to see.

“It’s okay,” she says, “I understand, it is an odd situation. If you really want to know, I like Sasaki-san for him. It might seem like a cop-out answer, but it’s the truth. I’ve never felt for anyone else the way I feel about Sasaki-san.”

Sasaki feels his cheeks heat up, his joy at that statement clear in his eyes. Suzuki glances from him back to Yamada.

“To be honest, Suzuki-san,” she says, “I’m fine if you don’t like me. But I’m glad I got to meet you.”

He blinks with surprise. “Huh, really? Why?”

“Sasaki-san rarely has anything good to say about his work,” Yamada explains, “I worry about him being in a place that beats him down so much. But he does talk about you sometimes. I’m glad to personally see that he’s got a good friend who looks out for him.”

She smiles at him- not her cashier smile, but a genuine, warm smile. “It makes me happy.”

Suzuki is taken aback by her sincerity. He feels a warmth spread in his chest.

He clears his throat and glares at Sasaki. “Sasaki, you bet take good care of this woman.”

“Like I need you to tell me that!” Sasaki snaps, “and what’s with the sudden change in attitude?”

Keiko chuckles. “Suzuki-kun has always had a weak spot for nice smiles.”

“Keiko-chan!” he whines.

“Honestly, Keiko-san,” Sasaki sighs, “I’ve never understood what you see in him.”

“Hey!” Suzuki barks while Keiko laughs. “I’ll have you know I’m a great husband!”

“He makes me laugh,” Keiko says.

“Ah,” Sasaki nods. “That I understand.”

“What? Is that the only reason?” Suzuki pouts. “Keiko-chan?”

“I think you should be glad to have just that reason,” Yamada remarks drily.

“You be quiet, youngling!”

The initial tension has faded and has quickly been replaced by the relaxed air of friends. The two couples stay at that bar for hours, talking and drinking. And the whole time, Yamada and Sasaki’s hands stay close together.

---

The next morning at the office, Sasaki and Suzuki greet each other like normal as they prepare to start their work. Suzuki glances around real quick to make sure no one is within earshot and leans in to whisper to Sasaki.

“Listen, Sasaki,” he says, “I totally agree with you about keeping ‘you-know-who’ a secret from the rest of these gossips. But I just got one question.”

“What?” Sasaki questions.

“How do you keep up her with when you’re....you know...” Suzuki makes a rather crude motion with his hands.

Sasaki’s face turns bright red. “Suzuki, that’s...you can’t...that isn’t...!”

He trails off and hangs his head. “It’s not easy.”

Sasaki's rambling was cut off by Goto who spoke to him in an intimidatingly stern voice

"Nope. You will go in there." She instructed, point at Sasaki's face. "Yamada's shift ends in 5 minutes. You can go in there, get some snacks, and by the time you are checking out Yamada will be gone. But she will see you, and that should be enough to get you too talking again."

Sasaki's eyes went wide at Goto's suggestion. He waved his hands in front of himself

"no I'm not avoiding the store because of her-"

Cut off again by goto, she stated

"You don't have to lie. But, just let her see you walk in, then its her choice if she wants to stop you on your walk home yes? "

Sasaki sighed, "I suppose so...but, I don't want to make her uncomfortable at work. I think its best if I just stay away."

Goto rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms,

"Listen, I can't make anything happen, I'm just saying I don't think how things have been are good for either of you. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you are just strangers. But I think you miss Yamada, and that she misses you too. So go in there and resolve it."

Sasaki cringes when Goto calls them strangers. Every part of him does not want to go into Supermarket S, but at the same time Goto has a point. If he wants to talk to Yamada he has to do something, he can't just wait for her to make a move. She doesn't have his phone number, or the knowledge where he works or lives. Coming to that conclusion, he let's out a sigh of defeat

"I...Okay. I will"

Goto smiles, and begins to walk away, feeling victorious, she yells over her shoulder,

"good! I expect an update soon."

On the inside Goto is barely containing her excitement. She has missed the workplace romance that holds her over while her favorite Mangas are being updated. But in a more real way, she has also hated to see Yamada so down, and she hopes that what she just did helps resolve their issues

________________________________________________

Yamada was having a rare, mind-numbing, boring shift. The store itself was nearly void of customers, making her night drag by slowly. She couldn't wait for her shift to be over so she could go home and enjoy the little bit of her night she would have left.

Just as she was organizing her register for Oono to take over for her, she heard the mechanical hum of the automatic doors opening, announcing a customer's presence. She instinctively looked up, only to see Sasaki. She did a double take, then looked away as fast as she naturally could. She felt a mix of emotions. The usual, wanting to run away, but also a small amount of butterflies. She almost wanted to laugh watching him deliberately not look at her.

Seeing him, she wasn't sure if she was happy or sad that she wouldn't be able to check him out as register two.

________________________________________________

When Sasaki entered the store, he forced himself to not look towards register 2. He knew Yamada was there, as Goto had told him, but he couldn't bear to look and potentially make eye contact. Instead he went to his normal snack aisle, then to the drinks. Checking his watch every minute he was there as he walked though the store.

As he checked out, he felt sad not seeing Yamada, even knowing that it would have been painfully awkward he couldn't help the instinct of wanting to see her smile.

Sasaki made his way to the exit. Feeling his nerves in every part of his body. He couldn't possibly predict what would happen next, he wasn't sure if he even wanted anything to happen. Well, that was a lie, of course he did. But he never knew the right thing to say, and while things couldn't get worse he certainly didn't know how to make them better.

He left the Supermarket S, heading towards the back of the store. He stopped in front of the gate, staring for a moment, when Oonos words came back to him.

"But also lazy, somehow."

Remembering those words, he walked towards the back. He would not dissappear from Yamada's life pretending that he was being selfless, and doing what was best for her. He would confront this issue. How of course he still wasn't sure, but that didn't matter. As he turned into where he and Yamada smoked, he found it empty. He stood there for a moment, then turned to leave. If Yamada wasn't there he wouldn't want to scare some unexpected worker, like he did to the manager.

Then, just as he was about to leave, the door opened, he turned, and saw, Yamada? Tayama? Tayama. While she wasn't dressed like her usual self, she wasn't in "Yamada mode" either.

Yamada froze, looking at him like a deer in headlights. Sasaki stepped forward, and sat down.

"Join me for a smoke?" He smiled, trying his best to hide his nerves.

"Oh um, sure" Yamada said quietly, sitting down without another word.

Sasaki let out a sigh, staring at the ground as he spoke.

"Sorry, I have never been good with resolving problems. But I missed this time with you. Probably more than I should have. I got off the train and had such a long day that my feet brought me here without my brain catching up. I was going to leave, but Goto caught me and convinced me to stay. If I misread our relationship I can go, I don't want to make your workplace uncomfortable."

Yamada, also looking down, grabed the sleeve of his jacket

"don't go."

Saski finding his courage, looked at her and smiled "I won't, as long as you'll have me, I'll be here"

Yamada looked up at Sasaki, after not seeing him for so long, he felt too close. She felt like she was remembering all the little details in his face, in his eyes, in his smile.

Having him here again, it almost felt like they could just pretend nothing happened, and go back to normal. Yamada knew if thats what she wanted to do, that Sasaki would allow it. Knowing that brought her a feeling of warmth but also pain. He was such a kind person, and seeing him smile at her after what she did put an ache in her chest.

"Sasaki I...I still do have to tell you what I was supposed to tell you after your ceremony."

He tilted his head at her, and if the mood were lighter she would've made a joke about him looking like a dog. But she needed to be serious for once, and reveal her secret to Sasaki.

"Tayama isn't real Sasaki, I'm just Yamada. I know I shouldn't have lied to you, initially I did it because I thought it was funny you couldn't recognize you favorite cashier out of uniform. But then we started to hang out more, and you became my pick-me-up in the same way that I was yours. I didn't want to ruin Yamada for you, but selfishly I also just wanted to keep smoking with you, and teasing you, and embarrassing you. And now I dont want to lose what we have, but I also don't want to lie to you. But I have already lied so much I..."

As Yamada rambled on, she realized Saski was being far to quiet for what should be a huge revelation for him. He should be shocked and falling off of the milk carton he was sitting on. She paused and looked up at him, to find him staring back at her.

"You...You already know that don't you?!" She whisper-yelled in astonishment and a hint of anger.

A flash of emotions went across Sasaki's face before he began explaining, not sure where to start.

"Do you remember when I was sick, and you hit me with your bike on accident? That night was the first time I thought you could be Yamada, but I wasn't sure. After that moment? I kept wanting to ask you, but I didn't know how to, and if I was wrong, I would feel crazy for thinking such a thing. I think I had finally figured it out when I was drunk, and raced your co-worker Murakami. And, I know you probably don't member but, when I found you at the park, and carried you back, you thought you were dreaming. You asked me to stay oblivious until you were ready."

Sasaki was smiling, remembering that night, it was ironic that she confessed to him already months ago.

Yamada's whole face went red, especially when Sasaki revealed that he really did carry her. She shoved her face into the side of his arm to hide her embarrassment.

Shocked by the sudden closeness, Sasaki yelped "AH-uh Taya-uh Yamada are you alright??"

Her head shot up hearing him say her real name. Looking up at him she smiled

"It's nice, getting to be Yamada now. And it is nice to see you again Sasaki. Im...Sorry. for a lot. For hitting you for lying to you, for calling you a stranger. You never deserved any of that. I dont think I'll ever understand why you stayed, or even why you came back. But thank you, Sasaki.

Sasaki looked down at Yamada with fondness.

"I'm not blameless either Yamada. I deceived you when I found out who you really were, and then when things got tough, I left."

Sasaki looked away, frowning "I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner." Sasaki reaches into his work briefcase, and finds the present he had bought for Yamada because of course he kept it on him

"I got this when I was on by business trip, and it was supposed to be a gift just because, but I suppose it is an apology gift now"

He handed over the wrapped cigarette case, and Yamada eyes light up in shock and excitement. She took the present from him, opening it quickly. She held it close to her face.

"Its got my favorite character on it! Thank you Sasaki"

Seeing Yamada happy made Saski think that he was lucky to be able to come back into her life and make her happy.

"Your welcome, I saw it and remembered when you said that the normal packs get bent out of shape."

Yamada reached out and hugged him, Sasaki awkwardly held his arms outwards, before slowly lowering them to hug Yamada back. He thought he felt her hug tighter when he hugged her back, but before he was sure she sat back.

Yamada pointed a finger at Sasaki's face

"You better not leave again, cause now when I smoke I'll always think of you."

He blushed and laughed

"I won't as long as you dont push me away again."

Yamada looked down, her face fallen.

Sasaki bent down and, hesitantly, grabbed her chin, making her look up at him.

"I didn't say that to make you feel bad, I'm sorry. I just didn't know if you wanted to see me again. I was worried that our relationship was one sided, if not for your manager seeing me, I don't know how long it would've taken me to come back. And being here now, thinking that, it scares me a little. I'm not saying that my actions are your fault of course. But,"

Sasaki's realized that in his rambling, he had moved his hand to the side of Yamada's face and was stroking her cheek. He quickly pulled his hand back in embarrassment

"Im sorry yamada, I got caught up in what I was saying i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable"

As he stumbled back and bowed in apology Yamada began to laugh, happy that they were, more or less, back to normal. She was glad Sasaki was back to being himself, and while she didn't mind him grabbing her chin, she wouldn't admit that to him not yet at least.

"I'm glad you back Sasaki, and I won't push you away again, but don't get to bold on me."

For a minute they both smoked in a comfortable silence, and neither of them would admit it, but both felt that smoking felt better with the others company. After they finished smoking and it was time for both of them to head home and end their night.

"Still walking me home Sasaki?" Yamada asked

"Of course, Yamada" Saski replied

Yamada blushed a little "It is going to take a minute for me to get used to calling me that"