Rantz for Story!!

first full day they were home they called one of my headmates (demetrius, who is a co host and primary protector) a cunt, a whore, and a bitch simply for simply being co-conscious??? crazy shit to say about a guy you dont even know??? i know demetrius used to be a big persecutor who distressed us but ig alters r incapable of change over nearly three years??? like hes not perfect but hes so much better than he used to be adn you DONT KNOW HIM so u have NO RIGHT to be a dick to him like that. bro.

second full day. i get home from school. take a nap and miss the third dose of my meds for the day so i feel like shit. i go and sit on the porch to talk to my sister. while on the porch, brother and dad get home from the store. brother starts talking to me abt dinner. i have severe stomach problems and i honestly just dont like food anymore. brother wants a place that primarily serves burgers (which i cannot eat, ik im a fake american) that i know i cannot eat anything from, their chicken included. i say that and also say i will make pasta (my literal #1 safe food and one of the ONLY things that doesnt make my stomach hurt). my brother says "yk they have chicken tenders". i say it wasnt on their online menu, they possibly odnt have the chicken tenders anymore. brother continues to insist and we go back and forth. i say ive had the chicken tenders, they make make my stomach hurt as well. its fine and i will make myself pasta from the box instead. he continues to insist i get the fucking chicken tenders. when i keep telling him no, that i really do just want to make pasta and eat that, he pulls out "I am trying to accommodate you adn you are not letting me." i genuinely have to pause because WHAT. i shit you not i had to speed face and take a deep breath. this makes my sister, whose just been sitting there with her daughter, burst out laughing because not only is that a CRAZY statement from my brother but i am SOOO clearly at my limit with it all. i just say fine, to get me chicken tenders, because i genuinely do NOT have the energy to argue. so i eat the chicken tenders and end up exactly where i knew i would (hunched over my toilet in pain and involuntarily puking up my dinner). when i couldve just MADE PASTA but APARENTLY me wanting to EAT PASTA is me "NOT LETTING HIM ACCOMODATE ME"??? WHAT????

later that night my dad my brother and i are in the living room and they start saying theyve felt sick for like three days and also got exposed to covid. i (disabled person extremely vulnerable to illness, especially covid and also who has THREE FINALS this week alone and more coming week after next) immediately start hauling ass out of the living room and away from my brother because i do NOT PLAY THAT GAME. they proceed to be a dick to me about me wanting to avoid them when they're sick. as if getting covid would not permaently diminish my quality of life. mind u they have talked shit abt my friends for not telling me they felt unwell.

yesterday. this is what im pissed off abt rn. YESTERDAY. they tried to tell me that "being around my dad too much has made me more pessimistic" when i try to talk about my disability ruining my quality of life and my serious doubts that ill ever be able to buy a car or a house or go to college because i cannot get a job with my disability, not to mention the state of the world. and they lecture me abt being too pessimistic abotu it. like. no being around dad has not made me pessimistic. no. Actually my disability got objectively significantly worse about 6 months ago and I am yet to fully bounce back which literally means it’s not gonna happen and I’m not GOING to bounce back, simlpe as that. they will NEVER understand what it is like for my body to degrade so much to the point to where attending school for more than half a week basically kills me. I have to watch everything I planed for fall out of my reach. And this is despite all the effort I have put in just to live. i think wha the doesnt understand is that this is not like his mental health, where you get better and you push through and learn how to cope. I am not getting better. I am never going to get better. I have to live w this shit for the rest of my life and it’s only going to get worse and there is NOTHING I can do abt it. Like sorry my significant decrease in quality of life has made me depressed and me being depressed is bumming you out. I’m never gonna get to live a normal life or buy a car or go to college or do anything further than graduate highschool, if that even, without assistance but sorry if my “pessimistic mindset” puts a dampener on ur mood dawg, that’s MY Bad.