we were friends once.

{}{}{} on my mind {}{}{}

inspo under cut

Had a conversation with @m0d3rnvamp1r3izm and had to make these...

Inspiration under the cut for anyone who hasn't seen it

like in season 5 they have this whole scene in the intelligence dungeons where ho cannot break out of his delusion that his obvious honeypot gf never liked him fr to the point it's fascinating to watch him cling firmly to his fantasy of true love despite the overwhelming evidence. that's literally river and the abusive relationship he has with mi5. he literally can't accept they hate his guts and don't want him around, because if he were to deal with that fact he would experience immediate psychic collapse. he simply could not handle the rejection. i even rewatched his interaction with his gramps in season 1 and it's clear to me now the man was humouring him, trying to shield him from the truth. the boy has clear rejected orphan syndrome and tries desperately to prove how worthy he is to mi5 despite mi5 repeatedly punching him in the face. like with ho, people know what's up and just let him go on about what a great agent he is and how he just needs to do this one last trick to prove it to the powers that be, gently attempting to break through to him with the truth from time to time but otherwise just looking on with pity and hoping he'll catch on at some point. because the man is just desperately sad to watch with his dogshit self-esteem & profound chronic orphanreject loneliness he's had since childhood.

also that grandpa he idolizes is really not a good man and I understand why lamb loathes him. there is a reason his daughter doesn't talk to him and fell in love with a narcissistic cult leader, obviously clinging to traits in men she is familiar with. with her father the cult is british intelligence but it's all different flags, same underlying sociopathy. entertaining river's delusions like this is far from a kindness but confronting him with the truth would probably mean having to take accountability for ruining his grandson into a path clearly not suited for him by taking advantage of his need for approval just like he ruined his daughter, "the colonies" etc. with his manipulative control. but narcs like him are never wrong in their own minds.